


Missing In Action

by Imaginos1892



Category: Vandread
Genre: Canon Trans Character, Clones, Falling In Love, Jealousy, Lost Love, Love Triangles, Mecha, Multi, Romance, Sex, Space Battles, Space Pirates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-09-02 10:14:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 43
Words: 213,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20274259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imaginos1892/pseuds/Imaginos1892
Summary: Three years ago, Dita Liebely vanished without a trace during a space battle. Hibiki Tokai has been searching for her ever since, neglecting everything and everyone else. Someone has been watching him, and decides that it's time to intervene…





	1. A Picture Of Dita

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first Fan Fiction story I started. I found a very good story called 'Crimson Tears [REBOOT]' by Soulimpared, but after finishing Chapter 5, I discovered that there was no Chapter 6. The story had not been updated in more than 4 years. If I wanted to find out what happened next, it looked like the only option was to write it myself.
> 
> So, I started writing. For the first time, a story started to come together and actually make sense. There was one situation I wanted to resolve, and I figured it would take 8,000 words, maybe 10,000. I had written 23 chapters, and over 50,000 words, when a different story started taking form in my head, still very similar to Soulimpared's story but with some changes. Then in 2017 Soulimpared posted three more chapters, taking his story in a completely different direction, and mine had to go its own way.
> 
> Anyway, here it is. This is the story I saw in my head. This is the story I wanted to read. It's not finished yet, and I'm still working on it.

Hibiki stood in the observation deck, staring out at the stars. It was late by the Nirvana’s clocks and Barnette was sure he had been there for at least an hour. She saw him here almost every night, and tonight she’d been watching him for more than five minutes.

It was always the same. Every time they visited a new star system he started in Communications, getting them to scour the local networks for clues. As soon as he got off duty, he took his Vanguard out to search. He’d even gotten Parfet and her engineers to enhance the sensors’ range and sensitivity. He would ignore his own needs and hunt to the limit of the Vanguard’s endurance, then wander up here to brood. Between times, he pulled up his mission records and went over and over everything he had done, every place he had searched.

The Captain allowed it, because he always watched for enemies too, and turned in his sensor logs, and because there was no telling what he might do if denied. The whole crew quietly supported him, and wished him luck.

No one else was here; they had learned not to intrude. He was never rude, or even impolite, but he seemed to radiate leave-me-alone.

Barnette thought he had been left alone long enough. She _would_ intrude.

She walked across the darkened room and stood beside him at the transparent wall. The view from this system was spectacular, unique, and yet the same. Billions of points of light, some of them composed of billions more. She felt both insignificant, and magnificent. Because humans had traveled to thousands of those lights, and carved out places to live at scores of them. She lived aboard one of the ships which had done some of that work. No sign of it could be seen from here.

After several more minutes, she broke the silence. “No news?”

He grunted and shook his head. The silence returned. Then, “Would I be standing here?”

“I don’t know. Nobody knows. It’s never happened.”

He turned and looked at her, hostile, but she was still looking at the stars. “It’s been three years, Hibiki.”

He was still hostile. “Plus a couple of weeks. And?”

“And nothing. Not a word, not a data packet, not a transponder ping, not a sighting. Not so much as a puff of gas with the right traces.”

“I’ve heard it all before.”

She turned to him. “Have you? People have been saying it, _I’ve_ been saying it, but have you been listening?”

He looked back at the stars and turned up the leave-me-alone. She ignored it and returned her attention to the view.

“I have to find her.”

Barnette dared to reach over and put her hand on his arm. “We all miss her, Hibiki. We all want to find Dita, but how? What can we do that we haven’t already done? Where could she be that in three years we haven’t found her, and _she hasn’t found us?”_

When he didn’t answer, she continued, “Every planet that can support human life has people on it. All she’d have to do is get a message to Mejere, or Melanos, or one of our other friends. They’d move whole star clusters to help her.”

He still didn’t answer. “Meia and Jura don’t feel where she is. Your telepathic friends can’t sense her presence. How many people, on how many worlds, on how many ships, have been helping us look for her, over the years? Why haven’t _any_ of them found _anything?”_

She felt his arm quiver. She looked at him and saw tears. She felt guilty about that, but it was the first time he’d shown _any_ emotion in longer than she wanted to think about. He wore his face like a mask these days, showing nothing. His hair was short and neat; Gascogne had literally dragged him off to get it cut a few times. Now she or Meia only had to remind him once or twice when it started to get shaggy. He had them inhibit his facial hair at the same time; he’d let it grow once but found it annoying and distracting. He’d outgrown his old Taraak clothing and picked up a few things on some of the planets they’d visited, selecting for utility and caring little about his appearance. Tonight he wore dark blue pants and a black shirt, open at the collar.

She moved closer to him. “I know you’re in pain, and I don’t want to add to it, but when is it enough? We can’t spend ten million years searching every star. Look how many there are.”

“Don’t. You think. I know that?” he gritted out.

“I’m not sure you do. I think you’re not letting yourself know it.”

He stared at the stars and fought back tears.

Barnette squeezed his arm lightly. “Why won’t you talk to me, Hibiki? You should. You _need_ to talk to somebody.”

He glanced at her, then went back to stargazing. He barely noticed, but in their travels she’d picked up a different sense of style and tired of her skimpy blue-and-purple outfits. She wore white shorts and a green blouse, and she’d let her glossy green hair grow out to a little less than shoulder length, with a slight curl at the ends.

“If not me, talk to Meia, or Gascogne. Or Duelo. One of the new crewmen? It’s a big ship. There has to be _somebody_.”

It was always this way — like talking to a black hole. Anything she cast into it just disappeared without a trace. Wanting to get _some_ reaction out of him for once, she turned and stepped in front of him, put her arms around him and pulled herself close.

Hibiki was shocked out of his gloom. He was taken completely by surprise, and had no response for this thoroughly unforeseen situation. He hadn’t touched anyone, or been touched, in a long, long time. Barnette felt soft and warm and wonderful and _alive_. He could feel her heartbeat, and her breath on his cheek. He caught a faint scent of flowers in her hair.

When he didn’t protest, or push her away, she sighed and closed her eyes. She had never held a man in her arms before. It felt quite unlike holding a woman, even allowing for the…anatomical differences. He’d grown several centimeters over the last few years, and was now just barely taller than her. He felt strong and solid and _right_, as if she were meant to hold him, as if he answered some need she hadn’t even been aware of until now.

Hibiki wanted her to stop. He couldn’t bear for this to end. No one had ever comforted him like this before, not even Gramps. Barnette soothed the aching places in his soul. He didn’t deserve to be soothed, not after three years of unending failure. He needed her, and he didn’t want to, and he couldn’t refuse.

She held him for a long time, then moved her head and looked at him. He appeared confused and uncertain. She whispered, “Oh, Hibiki. Don’t you see? You don’t have to be alone any more.”

He didn’t reply, but she thought she saw an answer, of sorts, in his eyes.

Barnette tilted her head and kissed him.

She had shocked him again. He started to respond, started to put his arms around her…

He turned his head and pulled his arms away. “No! I can’t—“

“Why not? Why?” She felt a sudden, irrational rage. “Because you’re waiting for **her?** Some day you’re going to have to accept that she’s _gone_, and she’s not coming back! Why not today?”

He went rigid, then shoved her away violently. She fell on her back as he turned and stumbled to the door, so stunned by her own outburst that she didn’t even try to break her fall.

“No, Hibiki, wait, don’t—“

It was too late. He was gone.

* * *

Hibiki lay on his bunk with the lights turned low and a blanket pulled up to his chin. He was uncomfortably warm, but deep inside was a bitter cold no physical heat could reach. He knew the cure, the only cure…gone, three years gone…

It was Barnette’s fault. She said it. The thing he had avoided from the beginning — _she’s gone, and she’s not coming back!_ He had managed not to face that possibility for three years, and she just threw it at him. How could she be so cruel?

He sought solace in a picture on the bedside table, captured instant of a lost past — bright blue eyes, a flood of red hair, a happy smile. Her carefree laugh echoed in his memory, and the picture blurred. He closed his eyes against the tears. He would give the whole universe and throw in his soul just to hear that voice say ‘Mister Alien’ one more time.

His voice was a hoarse whisper. “Where are you? What happened to you? I can’t find you… Why does the galaxy have to be so damn big?”

He wasn’t sure how long he lay steeped in misery before he heard the door open. He croaked, “Go away.”

It closed. He was just regaining his self-pity when he felt a weight settle on the bunk. He opened his eyes and blinked several times to clear them, to see who dared…

Barnette.

He croaked again. “I said go away.” He’d meant it to be an angry command, but lacked the energy to make it more than a dull protest.

“I can’t. I can’t leave you like this.” She was croaking, too. “I’m sorry, Hibiki, I didn’t mean…” Her voice trailed off. The tears in her eyes spilled over and she sobbed quietly.

Part of him wanted to shout at her, drive her away, force her to leave him alone. Part of him…didn’t, and held him back. Her crying reached him, a little. He had never seen her cry before. He heard she had cried twice, for Jura and Gascogne.

Tonight made three. After a long time she continued, “I was wrong. We don’t know there’s no hope, we don’t know anything. I just know you’re suffering, we both are. We’re both alone.”

He responded before he could stop himself. “You’re not alone, you’ve got Jura.“

“Jura’s not right for me. I’m not right for her. Whatever.”

He didn’t know what to say about that.

“I’m not attracted to women. I never was, really, I just thought I was supposed to be. It’s what we were always taught. Jura…well, you know her, she’s everything I should have wanted. I never would have known what was missing, but then I ran into…you.”

He still didn’t know what to say.

“Oh, there was Duelo, and Bart, but you were the man I saw every day. A pilot, like me, fighting the enemy. I felt things, like Dita did, but she accepted her feelings. I didn’t.”

Yeah, he knew all about that. He’d fought against his feelings for Dita from the start. Not because he believed the Taraak propaganda, not any more. He could see that women were not horrible evil fiends, that they were people much like him, just…different. Disturbingly different.

No, he’d fought his feelings because he found them _inconvenient_. Confusing. Embarrassing. He hadn’t known how to respond to Dita’s overtures of friendship, and then love, so he’d tried to avoid the issue by avoiding her.

“I’ve stopped fighting it, Hibiki. Women and men belong together. I know that now.”

He’d stopped fighting it too, at least a little. Dita had shown him that his life could be better, richer, than he had ever imagined, but it wasn’t until she was gone that he’d realized how much he had lost. He felt that loss every day.

Barnette managed to smile. ”_We_ belong together.”

He hadn’t seen where she was going. “What? I don’t—“

She interrupted him hastily. “I’m not asking you to give up on Dita, or stop searching for her. But that can’t be your whole life. There has to be more than what you’ve lost.”

That made him stop, and think. What had his blind obsession done for Dita, for him, for anybody? He was no closer to finding her. All of his friends were worried about him, and he was lucky to have any left. He hadn’t been much of a friend to them, these last three years.

Her tears flowed again as she finished, thickly, “What would Dita want? Would she want you to be empty and suffering and alone? Or would she want you to have someone, to help you, to be here for you?”

Hibiki gazed up at her as if seeing her for the first time.

She whispered, “I’m here for you, Hibiki.”

Barnette slowly bent down and touched her lips to his. When he didn’t pull back, or push her away, she moaned softly and leaned into the kiss. He fought free of the blanket and put his arms around her, and she moaned again. She had never felt a kiss this intensely before. A woman just couldn’t do this for her.

She stretched her arm out and found that he was still mostly covered by the blanket, reached underneath and groped around curiously. Soon her questing hand discovered…something. She had never encountered one of these before, only heard rumors and whispers about the nature of this bizarre feature, quite foreign to the women of Mejere. She found herself intrigued rather than repulsed, and gave the strange _thing_ an experimental squeeze. Hibiki squirmed under her, and made some very interesting noises. She giggled and kissed him again, pushing her tongue between his lips.

He had no idea how to react. Dita had tried to teach him a few things, but he’d avoided that too. He opened his mouth a little, but that was as far as inspiration could take him. She slid her tongue around and under his, and he discovered that those strange sensations were _really good._

Barnette felt some frustration; she’d have her work cut out for her, teaching this clueless _male_ how to kiss her properly. But not tonight. Right now she felt impatience of a very different sort; she pulled her lips off his, sat up and unbuttoned her blouse as he watched in confused fascination. He did not move or speak while she undressed, as if afraid that a wrong word might cause her to change her mind, and stop.

In a minute she stood naked beside his bunk and he gaped at her in wonder. He had never seen a woman’s body like this before, only a few accidental, partial glimpses — usually followed by offended shrieks. Barnette showed him all of herself, smiling a little at his stunned expression. His heart pounded, and unfamiliar feelings thundered through him as his eyes traveled up and down, lingering on her legs, and the oddly captivating pair of rounded bulges on her chest. He had been curious about those ever since that first day; every woman had them, some small, some bigger. Barnette’s were…medium large. They rose and fell slightly with her every breath, exerting an alluring, almost hypnotic appeal…

_I never really saw Barnette before, did I? I never knew she could be like this. What else have I been missing?_ He got a sudden urge to touch her, to feel those soft shapes and beckoning curves. Might she let him, maybe?

When he realized how long he’d been staring at her he pushed the blanket off, letting it drop to the floor, and scrunched back against the wall, making room. She first sat, then lay down beside him, kissed him again and found that she had nearly reached the limits of her knowledge.

_His ‘tube’ goes in me, **there**,_ she knew, but that was all. How would that feel? How would it feel to Hibiki? How would he respond? What should they do, when he was inside her? He returned her searching look, even more at a loss than she.

“Come here. Get on top of me,” she told him.

* * *

They lay side by side again, almost painfully crowded in the narrow bunk, as they slowly recovered from the overwhelming experience. Neither of them had ever imagined anything like it, although Barnette had started with at least some idea what to expect. She felt a sense of fulfillment; Hibiki _was_ everything she’d always wanted, and never found. She cursed the lies that had kept her apart from him, kept women and men apart, for so long. At least she was free of them now.

Hibiki’s feelings were deeply divided. On one hand, he felt strongly connected to Barnette, far beyond the physical pleasure she’d given him. He wanted to keep her close, spend time with her, get to know her better. On the other hand… This was what he should have felt for Dita. What she had wanted to share with him, what he’d been too stupid to accept.

Out of long habit he looked at the table. The picture was gone. He hunted around frantically, then pushed himself up and leaned across Barnette. He could see it now, face down on the floor. He reached for it but came up about half a meter short.

Barnette twisted, and saw what he was after. She stretched, picked up the picture, and handed it to him. One corner of the frame was dented and cracked, and the picture inside was skewed. He felt a crushing guilt and would have shrunk away from Barnette if the bunk allowed it.

She felt him move and guessed what it meant. “I’m sorry, Hibiki, one of us must have knocked it off.”

She tried to reassure him. “It’s all right. The picture’s not damaged, it just needs to be straightened up, and the frame’s not really important. You could get a new one.”

Hibiki just sat there staring at the picture. Barnette felt panic growing in her chest. She could lose him, right now, over a stupid picture. She usually knew just what to say in any situation, but this one defeated her. Maybe, the right thing to say was…nothing. She lay there looking up at him.

Finally, he reached over and stood it on the table with painstaking care. He pulled his arm back slowly and continued staring at it. Barnette still didn’t dare to speak. After a long wait, he looked down at her.

“Barnette…”

She said, hesitantly, “Should I go?”

He nodded slightly. Her heart sank, but she sat up, turned, got off the bunk and gathered her scattered clothing. He watched her dress, silently, his expression unreadable. She made just a bit of a show of it, without being obvious. Twice, she caught hints of a smile on his face. It made her feel better.

When she had nothing left to do, she gave him the best smile she could. “Good night, Hibiki.”

He managed an almost normal, “Good night, Barnette.”

At the door she turned back to him. “Hibiki…I know you still miss her. It’s right that you do. Just…please, don’t shut me out. I care about you even more now. Let me — let me see you again. Let me talk to you, tomorrow.”

She had almost said ‘let me be here for you’ but with the context, it was definitely the wrong thing to say. She waited anxiously. He nodded again.

She smiled, relieved. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Hibiki. And, if you can get a good night’s sleep, it can help. Everything seems better.”

He waited until the door closed, then picked up the picture again. He turned it over, worked the back off and inspected it carefully. The picture really was intact, and the frame damage seemed to be superficial, if unsightly. He carefully realigned the picture, put it back together and returned it to its place.

A good night’s sleep. Sound theory, but not so easy in practice. He’d found that out the hard way, over and over. Well, one way or another the night would pass. They always did. Tomorrow, he would see Barnette again. He had given his word.

He looked into those clear blue eyes. “What am I doing?”


	2. Missing You

Hibiki woke. He felt…all right. Better than he had in a long time. He _had_ gotten a good night’s sleep, one of the best since — since Dita was lost. He felt guilty about it, as if he had no right to any comfort, anything good, after his failures to find her. He turned his head. The picture didn’t really look at him accusingly, that was just his imagination. He knew what he felt for Dita, had finally managed to accept those feelings, but it was hard to reconcile them with what he was starting to feel for Barnette.

He tried to reassure the picture. “I’m still looking for you, Dita. I’ll never stop looking until I find you.”

But the memory of Barnette was there whenever he dropped his guard. It wasn’t just because of her gorgeous body, her captivating kisses, or the exhilarating sex…he was sure that wasn’t all. He’d never known she was so kind and caring and compassionate. He’d been underestimating her since the beginning, and he hadn’t treated her well. He felt guilty about that, too. She deserved better than to be kicked out the door because _he_ had issues.

He dreaded facing her again. What must she think of him? And Dita, he couldn’t abandon her. He made a decision. He wasn’t salving his conscience while avoiding Barnette, not consciously, anyway…

* * *

Barnette woke. She felt…_good_. Really good. She yawned and stretched, then closed her eyes and thought about Hibiki. She remembered the feel of his hands on her body, his lips, his…well, she knew a _lot_ more about men, and Hibiki, than she had before last night. She had never felt anything like that before. Clearly, neither had he. She felt both smug and sad to know that Dita had missed out on such an exquisite experience.

She emerged from her reverie and looked at the clock. She would miss breakfast if she didn’t get moving. She hopped off the bunk, got clothes from her cabinets and started to dress. She felt a little shiver of pleasure as she remembered dressing in front of Hibiki. She was sure he’d enjoyed it too, at least a little, despite his guilt over them knocking Dita’s picture off the table.

She would have to be careful of his feelings for Dita. His determination to find her, his persistent loyalty, were some of the qualities that had attracted her to him in the first place. She couldn’t just consider them inconvenient now. She thought that over as she finished dressing. She would support his search, and help if she could. Even though she didn’t expect it to make any difference.

There was no one in sight as she stepped outside. On her way to breakfast, she caught herself humming a happy little tune. She would see Hibiki today, and tell him what she’d been thinking about. Maybe she’d get him talking, too. He really did need to.

She joined the last stragglers in the serving line and looked around the seating area. The ship’s mess was emptying out, Hibiki wasn’t there, and she didn’t see… She realized that she’d been looking for Jura, and was relieved not to have found her.

What was she going to do about Jura? They’d been drifting apart again, but this…this was a complete break. She and Jura were finished. She had managed to avoid even thinking about that but she couldn’t evade it any longer. She had just hurt her dreadfully, and Jura didn’t even know it yet.

There could be no turning back, and she didn’t want to. What she felt for Jura was but a shadow of what she already felt for Hibiki, and that feeling was still growing. She wondered how much stronger it could get. Eventually she would have to face Jura and apologize, but she would be unable to offer any regrets.

She picked up her breakfast and found a seat with two other Dread pilots. One of them returned her cheery ’Good morning’ but the other one was wearing her flight suit and eating frantically.

Barnette chuckled. “How many alarms did you ignore this morning?”

She just growled and kept eating. It looked like she’d make it on time. Barnette started eating, and watched her finish, jump up, and toss her tray into the scullery as she ran past. A few minutes later the other pilot finished and started to leave.

Barnette swallowed. “Wait, Celise. Have you seen Hibiki this morning?”

She stopped and thought about it. “No, but somebody said he was waiting in line when the mess opened, and he was in a big hurry.”

Barnette smiled. “Thanks.”

After breakfast she checked the flight roster and confirmed that she was scheduled as Flight Leader of the 1600 patrol. She stopped in at Flight Control and brought up the deployment log. She found Hibiki listed as deployed at 0623, with no scheduled return time and an open course plan. He was out looking for Dita again, and wouldn’t be back until his Vanguard ran low on fuel in twelve hours or so.

Her happy mood took a serious hit. She’d really been looking forward to seeing him, and now she’d be leaving before he returned. She wouldn’t see him until her own patrol ended at 2000, and they’d both be tired. She felt disappointed, and more than a little irate. He could have at least waited, and seen her before he left. Hadn’t last night meant _anything_ to him?

She stalked down to the Dread bays, ignoring the few people she passed on the way. She needed to do a preflight check on her Dread, and since it seemed she had the whole day to kill she might as well do it right. She pulled up the diagnostics menu and started methodically running through the entire list.

* * *

Hibiki immersed himself in the familiar search routine. He set his Vanguard’s scanners to maximum sensitivity, with a periodic active sweep to make sure they caught _everything_ that might be out there. Receivers listened for any signals. Everything was also stored for later analysis by the Nirvana’s much more capable computers. He’d spent more time analyzing than actually searching, over the years.

Barnette thought he was wasting his time, tormenting himself for nothing. Everything she had said to him last night was logical, reasonable, and sensible, but he was certain that she was wrong. Way, way deep down inside he had a _feeling_ that Dita was out there somewhere, far away and alone and lost. It wasn’t something he could explain to Barnette, or even to himself. He just knew that as long as he felt it, he could never give up.

That _feeling_ was frustrating. It never got stronger, or weaker, never gave any hint of direction, just kept driving him to go on searching without providing any clue about where to look. Sometimes he thought it was teasing him, by pushing without helping.

Dita had never teased him. She had always been completely open about her feelings. If anything, he had teased her, by denying what he felt. Now what he felt was regret, and guilt. Those weren’t the only reasons he kept hunting, but they provided an extra goad.

Barnette wasn’t teasing him, either. She had proved that last night. She was as direct as Dita about what she wanted, and considerably more…forceful. Her approach was certainly effective. He hadn’t been able to deny anything to her. He might still be denying a few things to himself.

* * *

Barnette’s morning passed. She put the computers on standby, got out, stretched and started off to lunch. She had logged a couple of small problems, and received a reply assuring her that they would be taken care of by 1400. She’d start working on them herself after lunch if Engineering hadn’t.

She made her way through the serving line and looked around. Jura waved, but fortunately there weren’t any empty seats at her table. She waved back, with a little smile, then sat down across from Celise a few tables away. She was busy eating, so they just nodded to each other. That suited her.

After a few minutes they both became less focused on eating.

Celise told her, “If you’re still looking for Hibiki, he’s out in his Vanguard trying to find Dita again. I don’t know what he expects to find today that he didn’t find yesterday.”

Barnette finished a bite. “Yes, I looked at the deployment log. If he does the usual, he won’t be back until supper, or after. I’ve got the 1600 patrol, so I’ll already be gone.”

Celise had a concerned look. “I just wish there was some way you could get him to open up.”

Barnette nearly choked on her next bite. She’d found a way, oh, yeah. She managed to recover without Celise noticing.

She continued, “I know you’ve been trying to help him for weeks. Have you made any progress at all?”

_Progress? Oh, you could call it that_… “I’ve seen him at night, in the observation deck. He’s getting easier to talk to. I think.”

Celise chuckled. “Maybe you’re just getting used to his melancholy withdrawal. Or is it his withdrawn melancholy? Well, if anybody can reach him, it would be you.” Her concern returned. “I hope you can help him. It’s so sad, to see him trying so hard and never finding anything.”

It _was_ sad. That was one of the reasons she had started trying to break through his shell, although she had a lot of other reasons now. She’d see what he had to say for himself, when she finally caught up with him. She smiled at Celise. “I’ll keep trying, and thanks for your support.”

Celise finished her lunch. “Well, I’m off. I hope you can make some more progress with him tonight.”

More progress! Barnette was thankful she hadn’t been taking another bite just then. Or worse, a drink.

* * *

Barnette found two techs working on her Dread. She moved in and worked with them. Like most of the Nirvana’s pilots, she liked to be hands-on with her spacecraft’s maintenance. They ran through all the remaining diagnostics, found and fixed one more minor issue, and stepped back to admire their work.

She thanked them, and they complimented her for making their jobs easier by keeping her Dread in top condition. They moved off to work on the next Dread on their schedule. She checked the clock and decided it was time to hit the head, then get to the ready room.

Forty minutes later she was getting her squadron into formation. It was easy; they were all experienced pilots and knew what to do. They moved out on schedule and right on their assigned patrol course. Everything routine.

Everything stayed routine. She wasn’t selfish enough to actually _wish_ for some disaster to relieve the tedium, but she felt a temptation. She put them, and herself, through drills and exercises, always leaving three Dreads on alert and re-forming the squadron afterward. There were few mistakes, and the pilots recognized and corrected them without any input from her. It was good to work with professionals, even if they still pretended to be pirates.

* * *

Hibiki detected a freighter passing near him, bound for the inner system, and cracked into its computers as a matter of course. It was good to have military-grade computers and decryption software. He chuckled. He’d been hanging out with the Mejere Pirates long enough to pick up pretty much all of their bad habits. Well, they’d found useful tidbits of information in ships’ computers before, and BC and Parfet would be disappointed if he _didn’t_ pilfer their data. At least they were always careful not to leave any trace of their intrusions, or do any damage. They were _good_ Pirates.

He checked his instruments while waiting for the download. They told him there was nothing significant around besides the innocent ship he was molesting, and that if he wasn’t back aboard the Nirvana in two hours he would be calling Gascogne for a pickup. He’d let that happen a couple of times, and it was always mortifying. She would make the run herself and taunt him unmercifully all the way back, and he would deserve it. Returning under his own power was much to be preferred.

He liked to stay out as long as possible. The _feeling_ that drove him seemed less demanding while he was out here, actually doing something about finding Dita, even if he was woefully short on results. It allowed him to relax a little. For three years these hours of searching had been the closest thing he could find to peace. He had his Vanguard, and the stars, and the knowledge that he was at least _trying_ to find her.

He sought that peace again, but today it was eluding him. Today was different. He felt…impatient to return to the Nirvana.

He wanted to get back to Barnette.

That was confusing. He still felt as strongly as ever about Dita, was even more determined to find her, but now he was having feelings for Barnette, too. Wasn’t that wrong? It didn’t feel wrong, though. Being alone, and bereft, and despondent felt wrong.

He needed Barnette. He needed her caring and support. He had needed her all along, but hadn’t known it. He had found comfort in her arms and he couldn’t go back to his old ways.

He set course for the Nirvana. He would return and see her, apologize to her, and hope she would forgive him. If he pushed it a little, he could still make it in time for supper. Maybe they could eat together.

Half an hour later he was closing in. “Nirvana Control, this is Gold One, on approach. Request permission to return to the ship.”

It was nice to hear a cheerful young woman’s voice on the comm. “Gold One, Nirvana Control. Permission granted. Vanguard bay is clear. Welcome back, Hibiki.”

That wasn’t exactly protocol, but most of the crew supported his search, and encouraged him in little ways. He hadn’t really noticed before, but Barnette had opened his eyes to a lot of things.

“Nirvana Control, Gold One, acknowledge. It’s good to be back.”

He got his Vanguard parked and shut down. Two of Gascogne’s ship-services ladies were already connecting the umbilicals by the time he climbed out, so he thanked them and departed. He didn’t know where Barnette would be, so he headed for the Dread pilots’ ready room.

She wasn’t there. “Does anybody know where Barnette is?”

One of the pilots looked up at him. “She’s out on patrol.”

“Oh.” He felt just a bit dizzy for a second. “Um, thanks.”

He turned and walked away. He’d been in such a rush this morning, avoiding her, that he hadn’t thought to check the duty roster. She wouldn’t be back for almost two hours. Yet another screwup he would have to apologize for. Well, his stomach was growling so he’d better get to supper. He’d been eating alone for three years, but it had never felt _lonely_. Now it did.

He needed Barnette.

Celise watched him go. This morning Barnette had been looking for Hibiki, and now here he was looking for her. What did it mean?

* * *

By 1940 Barnette and her squadron were nearly back to the Nirvana, and they were all starting to relax. There was essentially no chance that anything had gotten around them and into a position to trouble them now. They remained alert, but most of the tension was gone. She was able to spare a bit of her attention and enjoy the view. It was much the same one she had shared with Hibiki last night.

She’d shared a _lot_ with Hibiki last night. Then, just when they should have talked about themselves, and each other, and where they were going, he’d thrown her out over a picture that had barely been damaged. That…rankled. Today he’d run off in his Vanguard without even seeing her to say ‘Good morning’. Rankle times two. Was he _trying_ to piss her off?

She sighed. No. She couldn’t believe that he was deliberately trying to hurt her. He could be clumsy, and clueless, and a little self-centered, but she would never believe that he could be so heartless. This had to be some stupid mistake. She’d seen him make a few of those.

She checked the sky, and her instruments, and even did an active scanner sweep. Nothing showed but her squadron, a few civilian ships and the Nirvana. They hadn’t found any evidence that this system was anything other than the ordinary society it seemed to be, going about its business. Hibiki was unlikely to find any clues about Dita here.

So why was he out there wasting his time, and hers, searching the same system again? Why had he flown off before she even had a chance to see him? What was he thinking? If she could try to understand that, maybe she would understand what he’d done.

Everything had been fine last night until he saw Dita’s picture on the floor. That picture! How could it be more important than the real, living woman who had just given herself to him? Why had it pushed her out of his thoughts, made her an unwanted presence in his bed? It was just a picture!

Well, it was, and it wasn’t. She forced herself to calm down and think about it. That picture had been his closest link to Dita for three years, the focus of his obsession with finding her. In his mind, they had kicked Dita face-down on the floor. No wonder he felt guilty.

Maybe she was overreacting too, just a little. She was even more sure now that he wasn’t hurting her on purpose. He had responded to his own guilt, and failed to consider her feelings. That was something he would have to learn, but beating him over the head wouldn’t help. She would have to remain composed, and get him to see how she felt, and why.

She wanted to work this out with him, to continue the relationship they had started. She _wanted_ Hibiki. She had never felt this strongly about anyone before, and she didn’t want it to end. She would talk to him tonight, and she would listen to whatever he said. Maybe they could both learn to understand each other.

For now, it was time to check in. “Nirvana Control, this is Flight Leader, patrol two-eight-five, on approach. Request permission to return, estimated time nine minutes.”

Their response was professional, too. “Flight Leader two-eight-five, Nirvana Control. Permission granted. We have you on course, confirm nine minutes. Docking bays are clear.”

“Nirvana Control, Flight Leader two-eight-five, acknowledge.”

Docking was as routine as the rest of their patrol. They shut down their engines and let tractor beams tug their Dreads into place. The main door closed, lights blinked green, and air started to fill the space.

She wasn’t done yet. Being Flight Leader wasn’t all fun and games; it entailed a lot of work. After she got her own Dread properly parked in its bay and the umbilicals connected, uploaded her sensor data, checked all the other Dreads and their uploads, officially logged all her pilots back aboard and off-duty, _then_ she was finally free to take the long walk to Flight Control, make her own report and be relieved of duty herself. It all took nearly an hour, and she was careful not to rush and miss anything.

* * *

Barnette found Hibiki, again, in the observation deck, gazing out at the stars. Most of her remaining ire faded at the sight of him. She stepped up behind him and put her arms around him. He tensed, and seemed to shrink into himself, then slowly relaxed. She watched the stars over his shoulder for several minutes before breaking the silence.

“Mmmmm. This feels good.”

He didn’t answer, but he seemed to get a little more…accepting. He secretly agreed with her; it felt a lot more than just good. He remembered her luscious body, now pressed against his back.

Her tone changed. “I missed you today. I wanted to see you.”

He hesitated. “I’m sorry. I was…I had a lot to think about. And I’m sorry about…when I wanted you to leave, last night. It wasn’t nice.”

She waited a few seconds before replying. “No, it wasn’t very nice. I’ve thought about it, and I understand why you did it. You felt guilty. But that doesn’t make it right. You have to think about my feelings too. And I have to think about yours.”

He nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry. But how can I…when Dita…”

When he didn’t continue, she said, “You still think she’s out there, somewhere.”

“She has to be. I have to find her.”

She squeezed him tighter for a second. “You’re doing all you can, Hibiki. Nobody could do more. Nobody could try harder.”

“It’s not enough.”

She squeezed him again. “That’s not your fault. Sometimes everything we can do isn’t enough. You don’t deserve to suffer for that.”

He shook his head and didn’t answer.

“I mean it. We’ve both seen people die, not because they weren’t smart enough, or strong enough, or good enough, but because they faced something _no one_ could survive. It’s not our fault if the universe hits us with something that’s impossible to deal with. All we can do is our best, and you are.”

He still didn’t answer.

“If I was lost out there, you’re the man I’d want looking for me.”

This time he raised one hand and touched her arm. She squeezed, and they both looked at the stars for a time.

“Hibiki? Did…did you like being with me? Having sex with me?” She sounded hesitant, almost nervous. Not like herself at all.

He realized that he could hurt her grievously by saying the wrong thing. He swallowed uneasily. “Uh, yeah. A lot.”

That was the right thing. She hugged him tight and sighed. “I did too. A lot. And I want to do it again.” She giggled. “A lot.”

When it was clear he wasn’t going to say anything, she prompted him, “How about you?”

“I, um, yeah, but, uh…”

Barnette murmured in his ear, “Are you trying to say, ‘yes, but not tonight’?”

He nodded, dreading her reaction.

She squeezed him again and smiled. “That’s all right. I’m here for you, Hibiki. In every way, not just for sex. You can talk to me, or kiss me, or we can stand here and look at the stars together. As long as we’re good.”

This time he raised both hands and pressed her arms against him. “I think…we’re good. You’re good to me, Barnette.”

They went on looking at the stars for a long time.  
  
“It’s late.”

Barnette knew what he was trying to say. She didn’t want to be too assertive, or push him too far. She squeezed him again. “All right. You kept your promise. I saw you, and talked to you.”

She slipped around in front of him. “Will you kiss me good-night?”

He didn’t respond for a long moment, then hesitantly put his arms around her and touched their lips together. She sighed and melted into the kiss. _Don’t push_. She parted her lips but didn’t go beyond that. Neither did Hibiki. She pulled back when he did.

She smiled. “Good night, Hibiki. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He seemed to be having a little trouble with his voice. He finally managed, “Okay. Good night, Barnette.”

He turned and walked to the door. At least he wasn’t running this time.

* * *

Amarone was bored. Boredom was practically mandatory on the midwatch, but she seemed more susceptible than most. There was nothing to do but wait for something to break the routine, while hoping it didn’t, because it would almost certainly mean an attack. Making small talk with the other two people stuck here with her wasn’t exactly prohibited, but it was strongly discouraged, and as senior Watch Officer it was her job to do the discouraging. Distractions could delay their response to the unexpected by critical seconds.

On the other hand, nobody could stay fully alert all the time. That was why there were three of them, to pass the job around and allow each of them to get some rest between bouts of full-alert. Amarone had just passed it on, and decided to unwind by poking around in the Nirvana’s computers. Hibiki had uploaded a big batch of data from today’s Dita-search, and she started looking through it.

He had ripped off a civilian ship’s data, and the name jogged something. She ran a query and found that they had encountered the same ship five weeks ago in another star system. She set up a comparison between the two downloads of the ship’s computer memory and started it running before taking her next turn on high-alert.

Three rotations later the computer reported the analysis complete, with anomalies. Amarone looked through both the data and the analysis carefully.

There were significant discrepancies in today’s data, far more than could be explained by five weeks of normal operation for a bulk-cargo freighter. Somebody or something had tampered with the ship’s computers, and they hadn’t been subtle about it. Amarone composed a summary and logged it for Commander Calessa’s attention in the morning.

She was back to bored, but the midwatch was almost over.


	3. Clues

Barnette woke. She felt good, but nothing like yesterday. She and Hibiki had a lot of things left to resolve. She dressed in a set of grubbies; she would start her day by doing post-mission maintenance on her Dread, and a good cleaning would probably be in order, too. That would just about use up her morning, but she should be free pretty much all afternoon. She would do her best to corner Hibiki, and at least talk to him.

She got into line at the height of the breakfast rush, picked up her food, and turned toward the tables.

“Barnette!”

She looked around until she saw Jura smiling and waving to her. She smiled back, walked over, and sat down across from her. Three other women sat at the table; they smiled and nodded and went back to their breakfasts. Not getting caught up in this, oh no. Jura was in a Mood.

“Good morning, Jura.”

Jura gave her an appraising look. “Well, here you are, sweets. I’ve hardly seen you in days. What have you been up to?”

“I’ve been a little busy. Patrols, Dread maintenance, training, the usual.”

Jura shook her head, sending ripples through her long gold hair. “Uh-uh. You disappear for hours at a time and nobody knows where. Not so usual.”

Her tone was light and jesting on the surface, but Barnette knew her. Jura had a nose for secrets, and relished digging them out; the deeper and darker, the better. Her only chance was to give her enough to satisfy, without rousing any suspicion that there was more to be found.

She pretended to be reluctant. “Well…I’ve been talking to Hibiki, trying to get him to open up.”

If nothing else, she had succeeded in surprising Jura. “Really? Woe-is-me Hibiki? Mister Gloom himself? You’re tougher than me. I can hardly stand to be around him most of the time; he’s _so_ depressing.”

Barnette frowned. “He’s your friend too, isn’t he? Think about what he’s been through. Don’t you want to help him?”

Jura waved a hand vaguely. “Hey, I tried. He’d barely say a word and kept giving me that I-want-to-be-alone vibe. He pushed me away.”

Barnette’s frown lightened. “He pushed me away too, at first. It takes more commitment than ten minutes of flirting.”

Jura looked just a little bit guilty. “Oh, I suppose, but it just wasn’t working. Instead of cheering him up, he was getting me down. Both of us being depressed together wouldn’t help anybody. How do you do it?”

Barnette smiled. “I don’t mind that he’s quiet. I enjoy his company. He never complains, never blames anybody, or lashes out, or resents us for not being as resolute as he is.”

Jura cackled. “Don’t you mean obsessive? Three years of the same-old-same-old — it’s kind of unnatural.”

Barnette dropped the smile. “Maybe you think it’s unnatural. Three years without a shred of hope or a millimeter of progress, and he still hasn’t given up on her. I admire him for that.”

Jura sighed. “I guess you’re right, but you’d think after three years he’d at least start to get over it.”

Barnette looked her in the eye. “If I disappeared in the middle of a battle, how long would it take you to ‘get over it’?”

Jura replied, defensively, “Oh, now don’t be that way. You know I’d like to help, but it just doesn’t seem to work out. And I’m glad you’re helping him.”

Barnette softened her gaze. “That’s right, I’m helping him. I’ll be spending a lot of time with him, so if you can’t find me that’s probably where I am.”

Jura looked at her intently. “You know, you’ve changed. And I thought you didn’t like men.”

Barnette returned the intent look. She hadn’t really thought about it before, but in the five years they had been together Jura hadn’t changed much at all. Maybe it had something to do with her being two standard years older. She still treated Barnette pretty much the same, too. A junior partner, emphasis on junior.

She responded, thoughtfully, “Yes, I have changed. I’ve learned, and I’ve grown. I’m not the same person I was five years ago, or four, or even one. And you’re right, I didn’t like men. I thought they were horrible and evil like we were always told, and you know what? I learned that I was wrong. It wasn’t wholly my fault; I was told lies all my life, but even when I began to see that they _were_ lies I refused to admit it, and hung on to them for much too long. I regret that, and I’m trying to do better. Today I know that Hibiki is a good man, and a good friend, and I’m going to be a friend to him. He deserves better than to be ignored, even if that’s what he thinks he wants. I’m going to help him.”

Jura looked a little bewildered. “O—kay. I guess I won’t be seeing you as much.”

She resumed eating, and Barnette started. A few minutes later Hibiki reached the end of the serving line and walked past them. Barnette gave him a brilliant smile and a cheery wave as he approached. “Good morning, Hibiki. How are you today?”

Both hands held his tray so he waggled two fingers in lieu of a wave and returned a much smaller smile. “Morning, Barnette.”

They both watched him go to his customary seat in a back corner of the mess.

Jura returned her attention to Barnette. “Wow! An actual smile, and two whole words. You _have_ been helping him.”

Hibiki had gone and sat in the back corner out of long habit, without thinking. Everybody knew to leave him alone, and the next table was empty, too. People would only sit there if all the other seats were occupied. The thought troubled him, for the first time in three years.

He didn’t feel like eating alone in the corner any more.

He didn’t feel like being some sort of anti-star, radiating darkness instead of light. He had been so wrapped up in his own loss that he hadn’t thought about his shipmates, his friends. His family. About how much he must be hurting them, by pushing them away when they wanted to help, when they could see he needed help, even if he couldn’t.

Barnette had started something with him, and it was growing.

Barnette mostly ate her breakfast, smiling and nodding and making only brief replies to Jura’s conversation. The other women joined in a little, now that the Mood had passed. Jura finished first, and they said companionable see ya later’s.

* * *

Barnette rambled down to the Dread bays in a much better humor than yesterday’s. Post-deployment maintenance and cleaning did indeed take most of the morning, but when she finished her Dread was ready for its next mission. By the time she got everything shut down, put the tools away, washed up, returned to her quarters and changed, it was almost lunch time. She wound up sitting with Jura and a few friends again.

Hibiki polished off his own breakfast, then spent the morning doing pretty much the same things on his Vanguard. Lunch found him back in his corner seat; he’d gone to it without thinking, then decided not to move.

Just before lunch ended, an announcement sounded. “Attention. Lieutenant Commander Ballblair, Lieutenant Commander Gisborn, Lieutenant Commander Elden, Lieutenant Commander Tokai, Lieutenant Commander Orangello, Major Garsus, Lieutenant Slaintheva, your presence is requested in the Captain’s office at 1330. That is all.”

It started a buzz of conversations, but nobody had any answers.

* * *

Buzam A. Calessa looked around. “Good to see you all here. We’ve got a lot to talk about.”

They were all sitting at the Captain’s conference table. At the head, of course, sat Captain Magno 2 Vivan.

Three years ago, when a few apparently minor skirmishes were revealed as the harbingers of a renewed Harvest War, Captain Magno Vivan had announced her retirement. She now served as an advisor and mentor of sorts at the former pirate base, repurposed as a joint Taraak/Mejere training facility, and as Misty Cornwell’s unofficial foster Fama. She occasionally claimed to miss ‘the good old days’ and the simplicity of an enemy that just wanted to kill them all. Everybody was sure she didn’t really mean it. Politics just didn’t agree with her.

Her departure left the position to be filled, and most of the Firsts seemed to have a horse in the race, a dog in the fight, and an axe to grind. Over twenty Captain-candidates were proposed, and when they saw the list all of the Nirvana’s crew gave their unanimous opinion: **Oh, please, NO!**

BC was specifically excluded from consideration; most of the Firsts on both Mejere and Taraak had chosen to view her/his actions in the worst possible light, as a betrayal of both sides, rather than a best effort to be loyal to both. It wasn’t unanimous only because all the Firsts could never agree about anything. Punishing a hero/ine of the Harvest War was not politically expedient, but they’d be damned if they would offer any rewards. Fortunately, none of them suspected that she/he considered remaining as Executive Officer of the Nirvana to be the best possible reward. Changing back to male wasn’t really an option, anyway.

The unexpected solution came from a project the Firsts had started thirty years before; not exactly a _secret_ project, but certainly one not spoken of. They had seen themselves growing old and, not trusting anybody else to continue running things the ‘right’ way, they took steps. They created duplicates of themselves.

They used the most advanced gene-splicing technology to make their copies as perfect as possible, then did everything in their power to ensure that they would grow up to be just like the Firsts. They must have done something right; the duplicates squabbled with each other just like the originals, anyway.

Magno Vivan was not part of the project, but she was a First and nobody thought _not_ to include her. By the time they realized that there was no place in their plans for a second Magno they already had one, and were relieved when the original Magno insisted on taking responsibility for her. While she had tried to raise the child to be her own person, Magno 2 Vivan turned out to be eerily like her progenitor-sibling.

Three years ago she had been a Commander in the Mejere Space Force, ready for promotion to Captain and command of her own ship, but she lacked political connections and was not considered for Captain of the Nirvana. When her ‘Big Sis’ contacted her, and explained the situation, she readily agreed. When the Nirvana’s crew supported her with all their Heroes Of The Harvest War prestige, they eventually succeeded, in no small part because she _was_ an outsider. None of the Firsts backed her, so none of them opposed her because of another faction’s support. She was the candidate everybody could live with.

Of course nothing involving Firsts politics could be that simple. Lord Grand-Pa and the Taraak High Command just could not allow the uniquely powerful Nirvana to be under Mejere control. Both Magnos finally got a bellyful of the bickering and Magno 2 proposed that they return to the previous arrangement — she could resign, _steal_ the Nirvana, and be a Pirate Captain, with the crew’s full support. Magno 1 pointed out that there was even a precedent for exactly that action. Forced to shut up and do the obvious, they gave her a joint commission as a Captain in the Mejere Space Force and a Colonel in the Taraak Army, as well as commissioning the Nirvana as a Mejere Assault Carrier and a Taraak Battleship.

A successful compromise is one that pisses everybody off equally.

Now 32 standard years old, Captain Magno 2 Vivan had long since earned her crew’s confidence and respect, and her working relationship with BC was nearly as close as the original Magno’s. She really was much like a younger version of her sort-of-twin sister. Her face showed both classic beauty and strong character, hair as gold as Jura’s hung in a thick braid halfway down her back, and her working uniform of blue-and-white body armor resembled neither Mejere’s nor Taraak’s. She joked that it was in case the idiots really did piss her off enough to turn Pirate Captain.

BC sat at Captain Magno’s right hand, Gascogne at her left. Next were Meia and Parfet, Jura and Barnette, Bart and Hibiki, and Amarone at the far end. Everybody looked puzzled except Magno and BC.

BC opened. “Lieutenant Commander Tokai. Yesterday you took your Vanguard out searching for Lieutenant Liebely, missing in action. At about 1740 you cracked into the computers of the civilian ship Marishima and downloaded their data. Is this correct?”

Hibiki replied cautiously, “I ran a solo patrol, Commander. I encountered a freight hauler and did a data-retrieval exercise on it. The time sounds right.”

BC chuckled. “Relax, Hibiki, I’m just establishing the background. You’re not in trouble. Quite the opposite, in fact. We all know you spend every minute you can spare looking for Dita, and we routinely crack into ships’ computers.”

She/he addressed them all again. “Most of us also know there’s not much to do on the bridge midwatch unless something goes horribly wrong. Lieutenant Slaintheva chose to spend some of that time analyzing data from Hibiki’s search. Amarone, would you tell us what you found?”

Amarone looked a little nervous. “Commander, Captain, everybody, well, I thought I remembered that ship’s name from somewhere, so I checked. We saw her five weeks ago in the Rondeleux System, and we broke into their computers then too. I ran a comparison on the two data dumps, and there were significant anomalies. Her computers have been tampered with. I flagged it for Commander Calessa’s attention.”

Captain Magno nodded to her. “Good work, Lieutenant. I’ve put a note in your records.”

Amarone smiled, and blushed a little. “Thank you, Captain.”

BC continued. “I looked it over, confirmed her findings, and passed the matter on to Lieutenant Commander Ballblair for further analysis. Parfet?”

Parfet looked around. “At first I thought it must be the crew trying to hide something, to evade taxes or even outright smuggling—“

Gascogne interrupted. “What cargo are they carrying?”

Parfet didn’t seem to mind. “Refined metals and volatiles.”

Gascogne looked puzzled. “Why would they be bringing those here? There’s a fully developed space industry right here in Coralia. Maybe they _are_ smuggling.”

Bart spoke up. “Believe it or not, it’s actually cheaper to ship raw materials in from another system than to process them locally. This place is pretty f— uh, screwed up.”

Now everybody looked puzzled. Gascogne looked at him. “How do you mean?”

Bart had a pained expression. “Unions.”

They all looked at him questioningly.

Bart explained. “They’ve got a pilots’ guild, a navigators’ guild, communications guild, miners’ union, prospectors’ union, smelters’ union, vacuum welders’ union…there’s a separate union or guild for every job classification you can think of. Every one of ‘em has got greedy elite bosses narrowly focused on their own advantage, they’re strangling the local economy, and none of them will give a millimeter. It’s going to lead to trouble.”

They didn’t doubt his analysis. As a son of a major Taraak manufacturing and mercantile ‘family’, he had literally been taught business and economics in the cradle.

BC turned to the Captain. “Major Garsus is right. I think this system is headed for a severe economic and political upheaval. Somebody should keep an eye on it; this is just the kind of opportunity the enemy likes to exploit.”

Captain Magno agreed. “I’ll have to bring that up with the right people, next time we get the chance.”

BC looked at Parfet again. “But now you don’t think it was the crew.”

Parfet replied, “No, Commander. I’m certain it wasn’t an inside job. Somebody cracked into the ship’s systems from outside.”

Hibiki frowned. “I’m pretty sure I didn’t make any mistakes like that.”

Parfet gave him a reassuring look. “No, I’m certain it wasn’t our fault, either. We’re not that clumsy, or that careless, and the timestamps don’t match.”

She looked at all of them again. “I went back through our records, and so far I’ve found four more ships with similar patterns of computer disruption. They have one thing in common: they’ve all been to the Maddalen System recently. As far as I can tell, their computers were doctored as they were leaving the system.”

BC turned to Captain Magno. “This leads me to believe that somebody is hiding something in the Maddalen star system, and they don’t want anybody finding out what it is. I suspect our enemies. Bart?”

Bart Garsus fiddled with his datapad, and a star system schematic appeared above the table. It showed one star and five rocky planets, with the fourth solidly in the blue ‘liquid water’ zone and the third at its inner edge. Next was an extensive asteroid belt and four gas planets of various sizes. Bart placed a cursor at the star, then moved it around the system as he spoke.

“Here we have Maddalen, a type F1 solo star near the far edge of the Mori sector. The two inner planets are pretty much just baked rocks, but with an atmosphere and a few trillion tons of water the third planet could be about half as pleasant and homey as Taraak. The fourth planet is much nicer and took just a little terraforming to make it a perfectly welcoming place. Fifth planet is a frozen dirt-ball, the asteroid belt is on the large side, and four assorted gas and ice planets round out the main bodies. It’s got the usual swarm of rocks and ice-balls in the outer system. That’s where we suspect the enemy’s hiding.”

“Maddalen 4 itself has a population of almost seven hundred million, and there are another ten or twelve million in space-based industry and support. They’ve got their mining and refining sectors pretty well developed, but manufacturing is still in the early stages. They’re selling their excess raw materials to raise capital, hence their shipments to Coralia and other systems.”

“I know twelve million sounds low, but resource extraction is the least labor-intensive part of space industry, and with such a nice, uncrowded planet few people want to live ‘out there’ if they don’t have to. It will probably take another thirty or forty years before they start building habitats and get the kind of space-based population we’re used to seeing.”

BC nodded. “Thank you, Bart.”

She/he looked at all of them again. “Maddalen’s distant location, low population, and the paltry state of its space industry all make it an attractive hiding place for our enemies. In addition, most of that industry is concentrated in a small segment of the asteroid belt which is currently about sixty degrees counterclockwise from the planet. While it may seem an obvious place for us to have taken a look at, there are at least thirty other systems with similar indicators, and until now there was nothing to single this one out.”

Captain Magno took over. “Now we have a reason. We’re going to check this out, and deal with it if we can. If not, we pull back and either wait for reinforcements, or go get them. It’s a hundred and nine light-year trip, so it will take about a hundred and thirty-five hours, putting our arrival time very early next Tuesday.”

“We will make our approach from here, the opposite side of the system from Maddalen 4. Unless we find out otherwise, we assume the population is composed of innocent civilians and keep any action as far from them as possible. That adds about an hour to our voyage time, so we need to move out in less than two hours to arrive at 0730 next Tuesday morning. That way we’re conducting operations during the day by our clocks. It’s a small advantage, but we take what we can get, and maybe we’ll even get lucky and arrive in the middle of the night on their cycle.”

“Lieutenant Commander Gisborn, recall all our Dreads immediately. Lieutenant Commander Tokai, recall our Vanguards. Everybody, make all preparations for getting under way. Plan to depart this system at 1520.”

Captain Magno stood to address them. “We do not know what we’ll find. We go in slow and careful, with screening forces, flankers, rearguard and ready reserves.” She chuckled. “Let’s try not to get caught with our pants down, or our skirts up. Dismissed, ladies and gentlemen.”

* * *

The Nirvana moved further out toward the edge of the Coralia System as Dreads and Vanguards returned to the nest and everybody made preparations. By 1515 all was ready.

BC looked up from her/his station. “All departments, report.”

Meia’s image appeared in front of them. “All Dreads are docked and locked down for transit. All pilots are aboard. Dread squadrons ready for departure, Commander.”

Hibiki’s face appeared beside hers. “Vanguards secured for transit, all mech operators on board. Vanguard group ready for departure, Commander.”

An image frame opened for Gascogne. “All squared away down here, Buzam. All crew members aboard. Ship Services ready for departure.”

Parfet opened her frame. “Engineering is all set and the Pyxis is good. Hyperdrive on standby. We’re ready for departure, Commander.”

BC turned to Captain Magno. “All departments report ready to get under way, Captain.”

Captain Magno nodded. “Very good. Major Garsus, set course for the Maddalen System and get us under way.”

A headshot of Bart appeared. “Aye, Captain, setting course, two-three-three-point-eight by minus-one-point-seven. Hyperdrive initiation in twenty seconds.”

The Nirvana turned slightly and started to accelerate in normal space. Everything felt strange for a second as they transitioned to hyperdrive, surging to more than 7,000 times the speed of light. They could go faster, but it would take much more power and stress the engines. None of them were that reckless, especially Captain Magno.

Bart reported again. “On course for Maddalen, Captain. All drive systems nominal. Estimated time to destination one hundred and thirty-six hours.”

Magno smiled. “Thank you, Bart. BC, set the underway watch. We’ll see what we find when we get there.”

* * *

Hibiki returned to make one more check of his Vanguard, then almost ran into Barnette as he was leaving the Vanguard bay.

She smiled. “Hi, Hibiki. Are you busy?”

No, he wasn’t busy. These times under hyperdrive were some of the longest and hardest for him. No small craft could leave the ship, there was no communication with the rest of the universe, and after finishing his maintenance chores he had very little to do, and nothing at all toward searching for Dita. There weren’t even any stars to look at, just the disturbing ripples and almost-colors of hyperspace, which the human eye was not adapted to perceive. He had filled those hours and days by repeatedly going through all the terabytes of data he had accumulated in his searches, and missing Dita.

Barnette knew most of that. There wasn’t much for Dread pilots to do in hyperspace either, and she’d started to spend some of that time watching him restlessly prowl the ship’s corridors or tinker with his Vanguard when not staring into a computer display. That stoic persistence was part of what had aroused her sympathy, and then her interest in him.

He didn’t quite smile, but his expression mellowed. “No, not really.”

“Good. Will you come with me? I’d like to talk to you.”

He started to turn back. “We can talk here in the Vanguard bay.”

She caught his arm. “No, I want to talk to you alone. Where no one will interrupt us.”

He turned again. “My room, then—“

She shook her head. “I’d rather not, right now. There are…distractions.”

They both knew what she meant. He suddenly felt anxious, both reluctant and longing for her. “You mean you, um, you want to…?”

She smiled sympathetically. “I’m not sure. I’d at least like to leave the prospect open. But I definitely want to talk to you, completely alone. Will you come with me?”

* * *

Barnette opened a door. “In here.”

Hibiki followed her. It had been a long walk, through little-used parts of what had been the Ikazuchi before it got fused with a pirate cruiser. He saw looming, shadowy shapes until Barnette switched the lights on, revealing them as rows of boxes and crates stacked to various heights, some nearly reaching the ceiling. A starship’s interior was one of the most controlled environments humans had ever created, but even so there was a thin film of dust over most of them. Barnette suppressed an ironic snort. So, there were _three_ constants in life: dust, death and taxes.

Hibiki looked around as she shut the door. “What’s this?”

She chuckled. “We call it the Closet. Just a storage room full of junk, really. We found it a couple of years ago, and we’ve been stashing our own junk in here ever since. Stuff that’s old or broken, but could be fixed or has parts we might need. Nobody actually knows what-all’s in here, and hardly anybody ever comes here. We should have complete privacy.”

He looked uneasy, and she chuckled again. “Relax, you goofball, I’m not going to jump on you and tear your clothes off. I really did bring you here to talk. If it leads to more than talk, well, we’ll see.”

He relaxed a little. “Talk, about what?”

Barnette got just a little bit impatient. “Well, us, of course. You, and me. You do see that we need to, right?”

He felt sheepish. “Yeah, you’re right. Uh, what should we say?”

She sighed in resignation. “This is going to take longer than I thought, and I thought it would take a long time.” She looked around and pointed. “Let’s have a seat.”

They approached two crates at about waist height behind a taller row and hitched themselves up to sit side by side. Hibiki smiled nervously, and Barnette chuckled again. “It’s not that hard. I’ll talk, you listen. If you have anything to say, say it. I promise it won’t hurt.”

She’d managed to make him laugh, a little. “Okay.”

Barnette smiled contentedly. “So, let’s start with the biggest issue. We had sex, two nights ago. It was really good. At least, I thought so.”

Hibiki smiled too. “Yeah, it was. It was great. _You_ were great. It was, um…”

She chuckled. “I get the idea. I have a hard time expressing it, too. It’s kind of beyond words. I’m glad you liked it, too. The next issue is, do we want to have sex again? I do, how about you?”

He was startled that she had gone straight there. “Uh, yeah! I mean, um, I’d like that.”

She gave him a big smile. “Good, I’m glad we agree about that. No more doubts? You seemed a little uncertain last night.”

“Um, not doubts, really, but, uh, I don’t…”

She nodded. “You’re not sure what we’re doing, or where we’re going, or what’s going to happen?”

“Hah. Um, all of those?”

She hit him with a conspiratorial smile, and a sly wink. “I’ll tell you a secret, then. Neither do I.”

He was shocked. “What? But you, you always know what to say, what to do, how to, um…”

She shook her head. “It may look that way, but I don’t know everything. I don’t know the future. I just don’t let that stop me. I say what I think, and do what I think is right, and deal with whatever happens the best I can. When I asked if you wanted to have sex again, I didn’t know what you’d say. That’s why I asked.”

He digested that, slowly. “So, you mean, you…”

She gave him an ironic grin. “I’m as lost as you are. We are the blind leadin’ the blind, here. But we don’t have to let that stop us. We can still be together, if we want to be.”

He said, hesitantly, “I think…I do. Want us to be together. But, Dita…”

She nodded reluctantly. “That’s our third big issue. You still need to search for Dita, and I accept that. It’s one of the first things I saw in you, how you never gave up on her, no matter how hard it was or what anybody said. I respected you for that, even when I still thought all men were my enemies. It’s one of the reasons you’re a good man, and I want to be with you.”

“But…what if I find her?”

She carefully kept her voice mild. “What if you do? When will that be? She’s been gone three years already, will she still be the same? Will she still feel the same way about you? Will you feel the same about her?”

He looked confused, and didn’t answer.

“Neither one of us knows any of those things. If, when, you find Dita, we should deal with it then, when we do know something, and not paralyze ourselves with what-ifs when we can’t answer them.”

“I…never thought about it that way,” he admitted.

“That’s why you should talk to your friends. You can find perspectives you wouldn’t think of on your own.” She put her hand on his thigh, and he jerked a little. “It’s why I wanted you to talk to me.”

He sounded kind of unsettled. “Um, yeah. You’re right. I should have. This…helps. Talking.”

She smiled, and squeezed his leg. “I’m glad I can help. I don’t know everything, I don’t even know what will happen tomorrow, but I do know this — what we’ve got is real. You, and me, right now. Let’s not lose that over something that hasn’t happened, might not happen for years, and might not be what we expect when it does happen.”

He thought that over. “Oh. Okay.”

She chuckled. “That easy, huh?”

He smiled and nodded.

She smiled back. “You _are_ a good man, Hibiki. I like being with you, and talking to you, and touching you,” she squeezed his leg again, “and kissing you, and having sex with you. I want to go on doing those things with you. What do you want?”

“Um, yeah, all of that, with you.”

“Oh, Hibiki…” Barnette turned to him, put her other hand on his cheek and kissed him.

He was learning. He returned her kiss and put one arm, then the other around her and pulled her close. She slid her arm around his neck with a low moan. After a time they pulled apart a little, breathless.

He smiled. “That feels really good.”

“Mmm, it does. Is there anything else you want to do?”

He hesitated for several seconds, then brought his hand around and cautiously touched her breast.

She gave him a sensual smile. “Oh, my. That’s a bold move. Are you going to go through with it, or just give up?”

He squeezed her gently, and she sighed and closed her eyes. “Good choice.” She pulled him in for another kiss, then sat up straight and started unbuttoning her blouse. He pulled his hand back, watching with anticipation as she removed her blouse and dropped it beside her—

“Here we are!”

They heard a woman’s excited voice from outside the room, and a low male voice replying, but too muffled to distinguish words. Barnette let out a small yelp and put a hand over her mouth as the door handle scraped and clicked. She looked around wildly, then snapped her legs up and around, rolling back onto her shoulders and then flipping to her feet on the crate. Hibiki leaned forward, twisted and dropped his feet to the floor. As the door opened, Barnette quickly sprung onto a higher crate and crossed over to the next row.

The woman spoke again. “It’s okay, nobody ever comes here.”

“Then why are the lights on?” The man’s voice was low and rich. He had to be Duelo.

Hibiki was concealed from the door, but as soon as their unexpected visitors stepped fully into the room they would see him. He felt a sense of panic and, not stopping to consider how unreasonable it was, thought frantically.

“Somebody left them on?” With Duelo identified, they recognized the other voice as Parfet.

Inspiration struck. He hastily opened a crate, yanked some random gadgets out of it and set them on the next crate. He was lifting another one and pretending to examine it when Parfet caught sight of him.

“Hibiki? What are you doing here?” She sounded a little annoyed.

He turned around, holding what he now recognized as a plasma cannon pinch coil. “Uh, hey, Parfet. Um, why are you here?”

Duelo had moved into sight as well, and Parfet suddenly looked flustered.

Duelo answered, “Miss Ballblair thought there might be some, ah, parts in here, that could be used, for, er, spares, for some of the medical equipment.”

Parfet was still flustered. “And why are you here?”

They had given him time to think, so his answer was much smoother than Duelo’s. “Looking through this junk to see if there’s anything I can maybe adapt for my Vanguard, to get more endurance. You know, so I can stay out longer and go farther.”

Parfet’s fluster was shading back to annoyed. “Are you about done?”

He shook his head. “Actually, I’m just getting started.”

He started to set the coil down and saw Barnette’s light blue blouse, right there in plain sight. Fortunately Parfet hadn’t noticed it, or thought it was just a piece of cloth. He put the coil down anyway and reached into the crate for another widget. “I’ll probably be here a while. Not like I got anything else to do, with the ship on hyperdrive.”

“Oh.” Parfet had definitely gone back to annoyed. “Well, I guess we’ll leave you to it, then.”

She turned away, then Duelo turned too, and preceded her through the door. Just before it closed, he heard her grumble, “Why now, of all times?”

When their footsteps had receded, he looked up just in time to see Barnette stick her head out. She had a hand over her mouth again, and now she took it away and started laughing. He grunted and started putting junk back into the crate as she climbed down and stood beside her blouse, still laughing. He put the last part in and closed it again. She stepped over and sat on the crate in front of him, chuckling.

“You did a really good job, bullshitting Parfet. I almost believed you.”

He was still agitated. “Are you sure? What will they think…?”

She gave him a slightly deranged smile. “Don’t worry. You’ve been acting so weird for so long nobody would be surprised at anything you do.”

His panic was subsiding. “I hope you’re right. I’m just glad they’re gone. And they didn’t see you.”

Barnette’s amusement bubbled up again. “Duelo was bullshitting you, too.”

“What?”

She grinned roguishly. “Couldn’t you tell? They had the same idea as us. We just had it first.”

“You mean…Duelo and…and, Parfet? Really?”

“Sure looks that way to me.” She giggled. “I hope they find another place.”

He shook his head. “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.”

She laughed again. “Well, if anybody _else_ wanders in here looking for a place to fuck, I’ll agree with you. But in the meantime…”

She put her hands on his shoulders, leaned forward and kissed him. It did wonders toward banishing his residual panic, and soon he stepped up and put his arms around her. Her arms slipped around his neck as they slowly recaptured their earlier mood. They pulled apart after a time, and Hibiki couldn’t keep his gaze from straying downward.

She chuckled warmly. “It’s called a ‘bra’, Hibiki. Short for brassiere. It’s for support.”

He looked a little confused.

“You’ve seen that men and women are different, haven’t you?”

He nodded.

“A woman’s breasts are very soft and sensitive.” She giggled. “I think you noticed that mine are, anyway.”

His face got a little red.

She turned more serious. “If they get bounced around, it hurts, and can cause internal damage. In case you didn’t know, space combat is a violent business. We get banged about a lot. They can get knocked and bumped in everyday life, too. The bra protects me, and keeps that from happening.“

He was still looking. She smiled. “You want to touch them again, don’t you? Go ahead.”

Hibiki raised his hand and slowly caressed her with his fingertips.

She sighed. “Ohhh. That feels good…”

She leaned forward, pressing against his hand. He inhaled sharply, and squeezed, and Barnette smiled. He slowly explored the enticing, secret curves of her body as she made soft little sounds. They paused, and Hibiki ran a finger curiously along one lacy edge.

“Um, does this…”

She chuckled again. “Well, no, there’s no _practical_ reason for it to be this fancy. The pretty lace is meant to excite my lover.” She giggled. “I think it’s working.”

He still sounded confused. “You mean, uh—“

She pinched his cheek playfully. “Yes, I mean you, moron. You’re my lover.”

He looked a little dazed.

She suddenly hugged him tight, and kissed him. Her voice changed, became soft, low and intense.  
“You’re my lover, Hibiki. You’re the man I want, the only one.”

She kissed him again, hungrily. He returned her kiss, and her embrace. She hooked her legs around him and pulled him closer. She leaned back and held his head against her breasts, breathing hard.

“I want you, Hibiki. Don’t say no, don’t say later, I want you _now!”_

This time they both had a much better idea what to do, and what to expect. The lighting was better, too. Their choice of ‘where’ was on the crates, or the floor between them. The crate tops were uneven, and might not support their combined weight, and they would inevitably find that out at the worst possible time, so the floor it was. They dug various sizes of foam packing sheets out of a few crates and padded a patch of floor, then hastily stripped off their clothes and almost fell onto them together.

* * *

They sat side by side with their backs against a crate, catching their breath.

Barnette looked down at his lap. “It changed.”

He mumbled and stammered, embarrassed. “Uh, yeah, it’s, um, not, you know…”

She chuckled. “Yes, I know. I looked a few things up last night, but it’s a little different when it’s right…_there_.”

She moved her hand in that direction, and he started to ward her off.

She looked up at his face, surprised and a little hurt. “What’s wrong, Hibiki? You touched me, now I want to touch you.”

He had a little argument with himself, inside his head, then took her wrist and lightly tugged her hand toward him. She smiled and looked down again.

His belly trembled as her curious fingers worked their way around his uniquely male anatomy, probing and exploring him as he had explored her breasts. This was another completely new experience, and very enjoyable once he relaxed. He felt as if all of his awareness was concentrated in the little spots where her hand contacted his male parts. She was gentle; apparently her reading had warned her how tender the area could be. He felt a tension…

Barnette’s hand stopped moving. “Something’s happening. It’s…getting bigger.”

He found it hard to speak. “Uhh…yeah…”

She watched the process attentively, then began investigating this new, yet familiar configuration. They had been in such a rush earlier, she hadn’t really gotten a chance to look. Now she took her time.

Hibiki tentatively reached toward her, and when she didn’t protest he put his hand on her thigh. Her skin was silky smooth and his hand glided over it easily. She made a little ‘mmm’ sound; he took that as encouragement and moved his hand higher. There was nothing he recognized here, only a patch of green hair and soft, damp folds of skin. His fingers slipped between them, and Barnette clenched her legs together and groaned. Her hand clutched him almost painfully.

He jerked his hand away. “I’m sorry!”

She laughed, low and breathy. “Don’t be. You just touched…a certain place. It feels really good.”

Barnette gave his member a light squeeze and looked up. “Hibiki? I want you again.”

This time there was no rush, no confusion. Barnette lay back between the crates and laughed as he struggled to maneuver around her without kneeing her in the stomach. He succeeded, then leaned over her and supported himself with one hand as he caressed and squeezed her breasts with the other. She gasped and shivered, then pulled his head down between them. His lips and tongue felt even better.

He slowly reconnoitered her half-familiar territory, finding the places that made her gasp and moan and shudder. Soon she was breathless, her nipples almost painfully tight. In a way, this felt almost as good as having that strange convertible male part inside of her. But only almost. She pulled his head up to hers and kissed him, crushing their lips together and twisting her tongue around his. She reached down and found what she sought, guiding him, and all but screamed with pleasure into his mouth as he slid into her.

* * *

This time they were too spent to sit up. They lay with Hibiki half on top of her and lazily fondled each other. He put his hand on her breast and squeezed a little.

“Mmmmm, that’s nice.” She squeezed him in return. “It’s strange. Your hands feel different. Not like Jura’s at all.”

Hibiki froze. “What…what _about_ Jura? What are we…”

Barnette looked troubled. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how I can tell her.”

“But we, we have to, right? It’s not fair, her not knowing.”

“No, you’re right. It’s not. But I… I always know what to say, but for this, I don’t even know how to start.”

He stroked her breast slowly. “We have to figure it out, though. She’s my friend. She’s more than that to you.”

“Mmmmm.” She swatted his hand. “But I’ll never think of anything with you distracting me like this.”

“You want me to stop?”

“I didn’t say that.” They both chuckled.

They lay quietly for a while, then Barnette sighed contentedly. “I’m happy here, with you, Hibiki. Can’t we take just this little time for ourselves, and not worry about anything? Just be together, and pretend there’s nothing else?”

He stretched a little and rubbed his cheek against hers. “Of course, Barnette. You’re right, this feels good.”

* * *

“Mmmmmmm.” Barnette stretched and smiled dreamily. “I had a delightful time with my lover today.”

Hibiki carefully lifted himself off her and sat up. “So did I.”

She looked like a green-haired angel, smiling up at him. Life on Taraak hadn’t provided him with that concept, but the feeling reached him anyway. He braced one hand on a crate and pushed himself to his feet, then held a hand out to her. She took it and stood in one smooth motion, then stepped in close for a lingering, affectionate kiss. Hibiki wasn’t sure how to respond at first; two days ago he hadn’t dreamed there were so many _kinds_ of kisses, or that he could enjoy them so much. Barnette seemed to be satisfied, though. She stepped back and smiled again, then looked at the clothing they had left strewn about and chuckled.

“I guess we were in a bit of a hurry.”

He laughed with her as they collected everything, then dressed at a leisurely speed. He finished first, picked up the foam pieces, stuffed them into a crate and closed it. He crossed to the door, opened it and peered outside.

He looked back at Barnette. “Nobody’s around. Um, should we…”

She nodded. “You go first. I’ll wait a couple of minutes.”

As he walked out the door she called, “Hibiki?” He stopped and looked back.

“Will you sit with me at supper tonight?”

He smiled. “Of course. I don’t want to sit in the corner any more."

* * *

Barnette smiled and waved. “Hibiki!”

He’d already been looking for her. He threaded his way between the other tables and stopped at the only empty seat, beside Barnette.

“Hi Barnette, hi everybody.” He set his tray on the table and sat down. They looked at him in astonishment.

Jura looked back and forth between him and Barnette. “Okay, you said Hibiki was going to sit there. I just didn’t believe you.”

Barnette smiled at him. “I’m glad you could join us, Hibiki.”

He gave a little smile, and nodded to them all. “Thanks. It’s…good to be here.”

Jura grinned. “So, you’ve decided to rejoin the human race? That’s nice.”

Hibiki gave half a grin back. “Provisionally.”

Jura laughed. One of the other pilots asked, “Where have you been all afternoon? Nobody’s seen you since we left Coralia.” She looked at Barnette and added, “Nobody’s seen you either. What’s up?”

Barnette answered carefully, “We’ve been talking, Rona. Spending some time together. I’ve been helping him work some things out.”

Hibiki felt concerned about Barnette’s skating around the truth, but couldn’t think of any way to resolve the situation. This definitely wasn’t a good time for confessions. He’d let her handle it her own way.

Jura looked at him. “You haven’t been buried in your old data all day? Does this mean you’re finally done with all that?”

He was briefly speechless with shock. His expression darkened. “**The hell—**“ he started.

Barnette quickly put her hand on his arm and gave Jura a furious look. “Of course not! He’s not giving up on Dita!”

Jura recoiled from their sudden vehemence. Barnette continued, “You should know better than to even ask that. It just means he’s done being all alone. Tired of suffering in silence. He’s ready to accept support and comfort from his friends, at least those with the decency to offer it. He’s ready to talk to us again. _If_ we don’t say nasty things, and cause him more grief.”

Jura tried to placate them. “Okay, okay, sorry. Didn’t mean to light your fuse.”

Barnette was still nettled. “When are you going to start thinking about other people? About what they might be going through? Even if you find his distress inconvenient.”

Jura snapped back, “That’s not fair! We all wanted to help, but he wouldn’t let us!”

Barnette regretted her last remark, some. Her reply was more conciliatory. “What happened to Hibiki wasn’t fair either. And maybe he just wasn’t ready to talk until now. But don’t ever say he’s giving up on Dita. I’m convinced that he’s going to keep trying until either he finds her, or he’s searched the entire galaxy.”

After an uneasy silence, another pilot said, “Well, we all hope you find her. We miss her, too.”

Hibiki was regaining his composure. “Thank you, Amayo. I’m doing the best I can.”

That seemed to be the signal for everybody to resume eating. Barnette squeezed his arm and picked up her own fork and knife. Hibiki picked up his fork and started in. He felt self-conscious, sitting this close to Jura with such a colossal skeleton in the closet, so he was quiet and a little withdrawn — like he’d been for the last three years. Nobody thought anything of it. Barnette had never been fond of empty chit-chat, either. The tension gradually faded away, talk bounced around him, and he said an occasional word or two. He was careful not to show his constant desire to touch Barnette.

One by one the others finished and left the table until only Barnette and Hibiki remained. She put her hand on his arm again. “I’ve got a couple of things to do, but I’ll be done in about fifteen minutes. Do you want to get together?”

He was careful to keep his voice down. “I’d like that. My room?”

She squeezed his arm and stood up. “I’ll be there.”

* * *

Barnette knocked on the door and heard an immediate answer. “Come in.”

Hibiki smiled up at her as she closed the door. “I’m glad you’re here.”

She walked to his bunk and sat beside him. He put one arm around her and squeezed her breast with his other hand.

She laughed. “I can tell.” She reached down and squeezed him back. “I’d like to have sex again, but I can’t stay long. I’ve got the next ready watch.”

There was almost no chance the Nirvana would encounter an enemy while under hyperdrive — but only almost. As a precaution, Dread pilots stood four-hour watches in groups of a dozen or so, suited up and on alert in the ready room. This also maintained discipline and structure by continuing their patrol schedules. In theory, they sat at the edges of their seats, helmets in hand, ready to jump up at a moment’s notice, race to their Dreads, and fly out to face the enemy. That would be stressful and unbearably boring, so in practice they sat around talking, laughing, reading, and playing cards. It might take them an extra ten seconds to respond but they got to be people, not robots.

Only the Dread pilots stood those watches. With just twenty-four standard Vanguards on board, it made no sense to keep two or three mech drivers on ready alert. They had drilled until they could get their flight suits on and their Vanguards ready to punch out in less than two minutes. That would have to do.

He looked disappointed. “Oh. That sucks.”

She leaned over and kissed him. “I think I’ve created a monster. A…what was that old expression? Oh! Sex maniac. A crazed fiend? Maybe those old hags on Mejere were right about men after all.”

He made a hacking sound. “It couldn’t have been worse than what they told us about women on Taraak. Or more wrong.”

Barnette suddenly looked somber. “I don’t think you know everything they told us. If you wanted to have sex, and I didn’t, you wouldn’t try to…to force yourself on me, would you?”

He was appalled, and pulled his hand back. “Barnette! No! That’s…that would be…no. Just, no!”

She put her arm around him. “I’m sorry, Hibiki. I don’t think that about you. But that’s what we were told about men, all our lives. It’s called rape, and it’s brutal and ugly and horrible. It’s one of the things I had to put out of my head before I could accept you. But I also think some men _would_ do that.”

He was still shocked, but he remembered a few thugs and bullies he’d encountered. If they had known the pleasure a woman could give them, and were denied…

“I think you’re right,” he said slowly.

She smiled reassuringly. “I know you’re not one of them. I’m sorry I upset you.”

He thought it over. “No, I’m glad you told me. It…some things make more sense now. If that used to happen, if women were afraid of men because a few of them would do that…”

Barnette put her hand on his cheek, turned his head and kissed him slowly and tenderly. He gradually relaxed, and returned the kiss.

She pulled back and smiled again. “I know you would never do that, Hibiki. You never even thought of such a thing until I told you about it, because you’re a good man.”

He was almost back to normal. “No, I’d never do that to you.” He chuckled. “Besides, if I tried it, you’d kick my ass and then never speak to me again. I still remember what happened when they made me spar with you.”

She returned his chuckle. “I’m sorry I was so hard on you. I still had a lot of anger against men in those days.” She had a sudden notion. “Maybe we should try it again, without the anger.”

“Maybe we should. I haven’t…I quit doing everything, when…”

She hugged him tight. “I know. It’s good to see you starting to live again. To deal with it.”

He shook his head. “Is that what it looks like? I’m not, really. I still miss Dita. I miss her all the time, Barnette, and being with you doesn’t change that. I don’t understand. How can I feel this way about you, and still miss her so much? How can there be room in my head for both?”

Barnette fought down a sudden surge of bitterness. “Oh. I don’t…I didn’t understand. You still feel…?”

He nodded miserably. “I’m with you, and I want to be with you, but I still think about her, too.”

She had the bitterness knocked down, now. “I’m still here for you. I’ll give you whatever you need. If it helps, I could even…you could pretend I’m Dita, sometimes. I could call you Mister Alien—“

Hibiki put his fingers on her lips. “No! That’s not what I want.” He looked into her eyes. “You’re Barnette. Always. You’re not…a substitute for Dita.”

She smiled, relieved. “Oh, good. I think that…would be a mistake, for both of us.”

He grimaced. “Even I know that much. You had to know it, too.”

She shook her head. “I told you, this is new to me.”

“But, you were with Jura…”

She inclined her head in a single slow nod. “I’ve been with Jura for more than five years. Only with Jura, never anyone else. A woman, and I’m not sexually attracted to women. What’s the same? What’s different because you’re not Jura, what’s different because you’re a man, and what’s different because I _am_ sexually attracted to you? I’d rather say I don’t know anything, than assume I know everything, and be wrong. That’s a formula for disaster.”

He digested that for a while. “Then what do we do?”

She smiled. “This. We talk. We be honest with each other, about everything. We see where it leads, and how we feel. That much I’m confident about. And, we do this.”

She kissed him again, slowly, first teasing him with her tongue, then satisfying. She accepted his response, then guided him, showed him how to please her even more, as she pleased him. Their universe contracted to each other for a time. They both regretted that it had to end.

Barnette pulled back reluctantly. They were both out of breath.

“I have to go stand my watch. Will I see you tomorrow?”

“Of course. Let’s have breakfast together. Let’s always eat together.”

She smiled. “When we can, and as long as we both want to.” She stood, walked to the door and opened it. “I’ll see you at breakfast. Good night, Hibiki.”

He smiled back. “Breakfast. Good night, Barnette.”

He watched her until the door closed and thought about how thoroughly she had changed his life in just two days, including the one he’d spent avoiding her. He’d been captivated by her presence and disappointed when she had to leave, and now he was eager to see her again. That withdrawn, moody Hibiki was gone, at least when he was with her. Dita’s absence remained a chill emptiness within him, but now Barnette evoked a separate source of warmth. She was right; his life had to be more than what he had lost, more than an endless search.

Of course he wouldn’t give up. He still felt as strongly as ever that Dita was out there, somewhere, but there was a difference between searching for Dita, and uselessly going through the motions of searching for Dita. Between making progress, and filling every spare minute of his life with pointless repetition of actions that hadn’t yielded results the first time. Or the sixty-first.

This was his new resolve: to search for Dita when it made sense, when he could take some action that held any potential of progress toward finding her, or at least establishing where she _wasn’t_. To do other things when he couldn’t.

One of those other things was pursuing his blossoming relationship with Barnette.

He hadn’t looked for her, had never expected her to deliver him from despair, but she had broken through his barriers and come to comfort and heal him. Now he couldn’t see his life without her kindness and understanding. He thought about her smiling face, the depths of her eyes, the sound of her voice, and couldn’t help smiling himself. Of course that brought other things to mind; the curves of her body, the way her hips swayed when she walked, the feel and taste of her lips, the soft firmness of her breasts, the wondrous feeling of having sex with her. She really was an amazing woman, and he had finally learned to appreciate her.

He would do his best for her, for the two of them, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, the Maddalen system is a nod to Julie Maddalena, Dita’s English-dub voice actress.
> 
> The ship’s name comes from Moyu Arishima, the voice of Misty.
> 
> Anne Rondeleux does Amarone’s French-dub voice.
> 
> Coralia Torrealba is Gascogne’s Spanish-dub voice.
> 
> On Taraak, they decided that a Navy was Not Manly Enough, so all their military is Army, with Army ranks, even their spaceships. Magno, BC/Tenmei and Hibiki have equivalent ranks in both the Mejere Space Force and the Taraak Army, while everybody else is one or the other.


	4. Your Turn

Barnette yawned and stretched, reveling in the sense of her body and the memory of her lover’s touch. If he were here, she would pull him to her and have sex again right now. There had been something of this feeling, sometimes, during her years with Jura, but even then she hadn’t felt such a…_force_ of desire. Hibiki was _right_ for her in ways she had never experienced before.

She was careful to dress as she usually did, despite the temptation to wear something sexy and alluring for Hibiki. Until she figured out how to tell Jura, worked up her nerve and found the right time, they had to keep their sex life out of the public eye. Then again…she gave herself a secret little smile. She could wear whatever she wanted _under_ her clothes, and think about Hibiki’s reaction if he saw them. Maybe even show him, just a little, when nobody was looking. The thought made her feel deliciously naughty.

* * *

Meia looked up as he walked toward the table. “Good morning, Hibiki.”

He replied, “Morning, Meia.” and to her surprise, set his tray on the table and took the seat across from her. He nodded to the other two women. “Morning.”

She had heard that he’d joined Jura and some of her friends at supper last night, but now she was seeing him first-hand. He was still quiet and reserved, but something was different this morning. He was fully _here_ for the first time since Dita disappeared.

Meia was relieved, but curious. “I’m glad you joined us. Is there some news about Dita?”

He shook his head. “Uh, no. Well, nothing positive anyway. I’m sure she wasn’t in Coralia.”

“Yes, that could be considered progress, of a sort. One more system checked off. What are you going to do now?”

“Not much I _can_ do. Not until we get to Maddalen, anyway.” He grimaced. “And I’m done with going through the motions when it won’t do any good.” He looked around at all of them. “I’ve kind of been a pain, haven’t I? I’m…sorry, about that. I’m trying to do better.”

Meia reached across and put her hand over his. “You’ve been _in_ pain. We all saw that, and the only pain for us was not being able to help you. I’m glad to see you’re starting to get better, we all are.”

He sounded a little choked up. “Thanks, Meia, that means a lot. I shouldn’t have pushed all of you away. I made it harder for everybody than it had to be.”

She squeezed his hand. “We all handle things our own way. I won’t say yours was wrong.”

“You’re being nice, but I know better.”

They all chuckled. Meia let go of his hand, and they all started eating.

“Good morning, Hibiki!” Barnette approached the table a few minutes later, smiling.

Hibiki returned her smile. “Good morning, Barnette.”

She set her tray on the table and rested a hand on his shoulder as she took the seat beside him. She smiled at Meia and the others. “Morning, everybody.”

Talk turned to Maddalen, and what they might find there; to the day’s agenda; to minor personal matters. Meia, Hibiki, Barnette and Rika were all scheduled to hit the simulators for Dread and Vanguard combined tactics drills, with and without VanDread Meia.

Meia took in everything. Hibiki had smiled, looked up and turned toward Barnette, his voice sounded different, and he was somehow more alive. She seemed different, too, almost…brighter. Even when talking to other people, they were always aware of each other. Hibiki’s abrupt recovery made more sense to her now. She wondered where this would go, and what problems it might cause with Jura. All of them were her friends, and as the Dread Flight Commander she was also concerned with their combat effectiveness. Unless they gave her cause to be troubled about that, she wouldn’t intrude. She would continue to watch them, listen if they wanted to talk, and give advice if they asked.

* * *

Years ago, they had packed in seven more Vanguard simulators for a total of seventeen, including the modified one that did its best to mimic Hibiki’s Pyxis-enhanced ‘partner’. They had installed eighteen Dread simulators in the next room, three of them adapted for Meia, Jura…and Dita. Hibiki personally took meticulous care of that one, keeping it in perfect condition. Banks of control computers lined both sides of the wall separating the two rooms to generate the universe, manage interactions between simulated Dreads and Vanguards, provide enemy forces, and analyze pilot performance.

Since they were in hyperspace with little else to do, today’s exercise would be large-scale battle scenarios with all the Vanguards and seventeen Dreads once Jura got off watch. Their three special Dread simulators had been refashioned to such a degree that using one would throw off a normal pilot’s reactions. No one had dared suggest to Hibiki that Dita’s simulator should be returned to normal. Barnette and Hibiki leaned against a wall side by side as they waited for everybody to assemble. Neither of them felt any need to talk.

“Hey, Hibiki, you’re not hiding in your simulator today?” Rika was leaning against the opposite wall, grinning and…teasing him? He mentally groped for an answer.

Barnette grinned back at her. “I think he’s finally getting tired of the old Troubled Loner shtick.” She glanced at him. “He might still be going for Silent And Mysterious, though.”

They all laughed, even Hibiki. He suddenly felt very close to all of them as he realized how much he had missed his friends during his self-imposed exile. Meia smiled at him, and he smiled back. Women friends. Four years ago the idea would have been unthinkable, and difficult even three years ago. Now it seemed completely natural. He chuckled as a group of Vanguard jockeys rounded a corner and visibly hesitated before coming closer, then clustered near him, shooting wary glances at the women.

These were men who had been aboard the Nirvana longest and were most acclimated to women, but most of them were still having a hard time overcoming the effects of a lifetime of anti-female propaganda. Rika sniggered and arched her back a little, accentuating her breasts, amused by the way the men tried not to stare in fascination. The awkward scene was just settling down when a troop of Dread pilots emerged and approached from the opposite direction. The contrast between the two groups was startling.

The men all stood in military poses in their khaki-colored Taraak uniforms and had short brown, blond or dull reddish hair. The women looked like a walking rainbow of various hair and clothing styles and colors, talking and laughing. They were only missing a particular shade of red…he looked away, and took comfort from Barnette’s presence. The other men were both mesmerized and unsettled by the vivacious company, at a loss for how to respond. Rainbows were a rare sight on arid Taraak, and most of them had probably seen only one or two in their lives. The women clearly harbored some unease, too, and their conversations died down. He understood that much better after Barnette’s explanation last night. He didn’t think there was much cause for concern; all of these guys had been thoroughly evaluated by Gascogne, BC and Meia, and none they had any reservations about had been accepted.

They remained two separate groups, weakly linked by Barnette and Hibiki, as the remaining people assigned to this exercise arrived. Meia completed some mental checklist and stepped into the center.

“Let’s get started, everybody.” She led the Dread pilots into their room. Barnette and Hibiki shared a quick hand-squeeze, then he stepped into the Vanguard simulator room and took his place at the master console. He logged each Vanguard jockey’s name and simulator number as they called them out, then entered his own data before climbing into his customized unit and strapping himself in.

They had learned a lot about the enemy, and were putting that knowledge into practice. The Harvesters kept coming up with new threats, but still threw all the old ones at them so they had to keep in practice. They usually faced swarms of ‘cube type’ attackers, the ones they had seen in that first engagement, and they still behaved in much the same way. Dreads took the lead against them, while the Vanguards provided backup and kept the things from latching onto the Dreads to impair their maneuverability and tear at them. Vanguards attacked the ‘pod types’ with cannon fire and their huge swords or battle-axes while the Dreads kept them from being swarmed. VanDread Meia, the Silver Eagle, was most effective against ‘urchin types’ when supported by Vanguards and Dread squadrons. And so on.

Jura joined them after about half an hour, and they added her Dread and VanDread Jura, the Red Claw, with her nearly impenetrable shields and powerful laser disks. The battle computers threw different combinations of enemies at them, and they shifted formations and tactics to counter. After running them through the known Harvester types, the computers brought out their other enemies, the raiders, or pirates, or whatever the hell they were, that might or might not be working with the Harvesters. Again they practiced various tactics against the known types, then some variations on things they _might_ face in the future. Mostly these were bigger and badder versions of what they had seen.

Their one weakness, the thing nobody wanted to think about, was the continued absence of VanDread Dita’s incredible firepower. They compensated as best they could.

Lunch-time found them worn out but fairly satisfied with the results. A few pilots, and jockeys, had made mistakes or gotten ‘killed’ and endured some mostly good-natured ribbing about it. There was even a little cautious banter between the men and women, which continued as the two groups got into the lunch line, still connected, more or less, by Hibiki and Barnette. Hibiki sat with Barnette, Meia, Jura and four other women, with Jura’s presence still keeping him a little subdued. The rest separated out into two blocks of ‘Taraak tables’ and ‘Mejere tables’ with very little interaction. Integration was a glacial process, but at least there wasn’t any overt hostility.

The afternoon was devoted to ‘scramble drills’ with hordes of men and women racing from various parts of the ship to suit up and jump into their Dreads and Vanguards as fast as possible. They were all naturally competitive, and Meia reinforced that by keeping scores for both groups. Everyone had learned to trust her fairness and impartiality, so when the contest ended in a virtual tie, nobody complained. She wisely left time for them to shower before supper; no one wanted to eat in a big room full of hot, sweaty people smelling of flight-suit disinfectant.

Tonight Hibiki sat between Meia and Barnette, with Jura across from Barnette. Meia wondered if anybody else was observing that Hibiki and Barnette had become an inseparable pair. Jura must suspect something, but after their very public blowup last night she seemed to be on her best behavior. Meia had a feeling that they were spending more time together than even she was aware of, and just might be taking a…practical interest in the information the Firsts had provided about men and women. If so, they hadn’t told Jura — the fallout from _that_ would have filled the entire ship.

As Dread Flight Commander, Meia needed to confer with the Vanguard Group Commander about the day’s exercises, and she had a few points to discuss with Flight Leader Orangello as well. If that kept people from noticing how close the two had become, well, it was just a coincidence. She dawdled over her dessert, got up and left the table when they did, still going over combined tactics with both of them, and took her leave only after they were well clear of the mess. They both gave her rather penetrating looks as she bid them good-night.

* * *

Nobody saw them duck into Hibiki’s room, fall into each other’s arms and kiss lustily. For a long time neither of them thought of anything else, consumed by sensation and the moment. He was strongly aware of a rich, sweet scent coming from her, one he'd been noticing all through supper. Finally, Barnette pulled back, breathing hard.

“Ohhhh. I’ve wanted to do that since the minute I woke up this morning.”

Hibiki made a ‘Hmmm’ of agreement and held her tight. There were other things he wanted to do, but right now none of them were important enough to make him let go of her. She continued to hold him, too, then moved in for another kiss. This one was less urgent than the first one, and soon she started playing with him, moving her body against him and digging her fingers into his hair. This time he pulled back first. They both smiled, then started moving toward the bunk. He jerked to a stop when he almost banged into the table holding Dita’s picture.

Barnette was forcibly reminded of their first night here, and she had an idea. “You could…move the table,” she said softly.

He thought it over for a few seconds, then nodded. He reluctantly let go of her, laid the picture face-up, picked up the table, set it almost a meter from the bunk and turned back to her. It would be safe from them over there. She played with the first button of her blouse, wearing a shy smile, but she could only hold out for a few seconds. She unbuttoned her blouse and watched him fumbling at his own shirt. She hadn’t gotten a chance to show him the lingerie she’d put on this morning, but what she wore now was just as sexy. She definitely had his attention.

She was tempted to go on teasing him, but there had been a sort of pressure building up inside her all day, and now she was impatient to release it. Hibiki was impatient too, but his fingers felt infuriatingly slow and clumsy, and he couldn’t take his eyes off Barnette. She caught him looking and gave him a smile that did funny things to his insides. He had become aware that she was a beautiful woman, and begun to understand what that meant. There were a lot of beautiful women on the Nirvana, but none of them affected him the way she did. He felt more alive in her presence, and she had become a big part of his life in the last three days.

Barnette finished undressing first and lay down on the bunk, watching him. He didn’t keep her waiting long, and they both gave a long sigh as they were finally united. She squeezed him tight and whispered, “I’ve wanted to do this since I woke up, too.” He smiled as she kissed him.

* * *

Hibiki was starting to catch his breath. “What was that, anyway? Been meanin’ to ask.”

Barnette was also out of breath. “It’s called an orgasm. Isn’t it great?” She shifted a little and kissed him. “Mmmm. You give me really good ones.”

That made him feel really good, too. A wave of sweet fragrance swept over him, and he asked, “Uh, what’s that, um…smell?”

She glanced away, abashed. “It’s perfume. I, uh, got a little sloppy, and put way too much on. Sorry.”

“No, it smells good, just—”

“Strong, I know. It’s activated by body heat, and we made a lot.” She chuckled. “It’s one of my favorites, _‘Fleur du Nocturne’_ — means ‘Night Flower’.”

“Then why don’t they just call it ‘Night Flower’?”

She chuckled again. “For some reason all perfumes are named in an Old Earth language called French. Nobody knows why.”

He took another deep breath of her perfume. “I like it, too.” He rested his head on her arm and sighed. “This time I want to just be with you, and pretend there’s nothing else.”

“Mmmmm. We’ve got time. I don’t have to go on watch until midnight.”

He was starting to feel at ease with her. Comfortable. Like he could tell her anything, and she would understand. In a way, that was almost better than sex.

He rested his hand on her breast, and she chuckled. “You always go for these.” He started to pull his hand away but she said, “It’s okay. It feels nice.” He stopped, then put his hand back and squeezed her a little. She ran her hand across his chest and mused, “Men don’t have them. Is it just curiosity, or something more?”

She didn’t expect an answer, but he said, “Well, uh, it feels nice.” He squeezed again.

She slid her hand down, and squeezed him in return. “Women don’t have this, and it feels nice, too.”

He sucked in a deep breath, quivering. “Uhh…yeah. Nice.”

They both laughed a little and lay quietly for a long time until Barnette said, “Is this is what it’s like for men and women on all those other planets? Where they always lived together?”

“I don’t know. That’s not something I was looking for.”

She continued, “They lied to us all our lives. They lied to everybody for a hundred years. If we hadn’t hijacked the battleship, if you hadn’t snuck on board, if the Pyxis hadn’t made that jump…we wouldn’t be here. I would never have met you. I’d still be wondering what was missing from my life.”

“Hey, don’t say that—”

She didn’t stop. “And even then it took me four years to see you. Four years to stop believing their damn lies. We could have been together a long time ago.”

He shook his head. “If it was that easy I would have been with Dita, and she—“ He stopped abruptly.

She felt something inside her at those words, something strained and troubling, and pushed it away. She waited, but he didn’t say any more. “And she, what?”

He shook his head again. “Nothing. Never mind. It doesn’t matter.” He couldn’t talk about that, not even with Barnette, not now. Maybe not ever.

She started to ask again, then changed her mind. “Maybe you’re right. You can drive yourself crazy with what-ifs.” She snuggled against him. “I’m glad we’re together now. That’s what matters.”

He made an agreeable ‘Mmmm’ sound and squeezed her again. After another long, contented silence he said, “You’re right. We belong together.”

“Oh, Hibiki. I’m so happy to hear you say that.” Her fingers moved, and he was suddenly, acutely aware of her hand on him, and his immediate reaction. She had to feel it, and he expected her to pull him toward her, or say ‘I want you’, but she didn’t do anything. He was confused until he realized why.

_She’s waiting for me._

So far, she had always taken the lead, pushed him, told him or showed him what she wanted, but now she didn’t. Now she must want him to take the lead, and show her what he wanted. He felt uncertain, and nervous. That didn’t make any sense; they were already lying naked together in his bed, holding each other in the most intimate ways after having sex for, what, the fourth time. Why be nervous now?

Oh. He had never made the first move on Barnette before.

He pushed himself up and looked down at her; she looked back with a slight, patient smile. He was sure that was what she wanted, sure it would make her happy, but there was still that anxiety. Had she felt this, the first time she approached him? Or — every time? He suddenly understood why she wanted him to do this, and why she’d made him figure it out for himself.

He gathered his nerve, bent down and kissed her. To his relief, he felt her smile against his lips and open her mouth to welcome his tongue. He did his best to apply what she had taught him last night and was gratified when she gave a low moan and curled her arm around his shoulders. She responded avidly to the kiss, but made it clear that he was still expected to lead. If he did nothing but kiss her all night, she might be disappointed but she wouldn’t take the initiative. Everything was up to him.

After a time, the kiss _felt_ finished, and he lifted his head. Barnette’s smile was much wider now, so he must be doing something right. He moved down, and she sighed as he kissed the breast he wasn’t holding, then put his mouth over her nipple and caressed her with his tongue.

She gasped and tilted her head back. “Aaah. Ohhh, that’s good.”

Her hand tightened around him and started to pull, until she became aware of it and stopped. He continued to touch and stroke and kiss her, and the green-haired beauty rewarded him with ecstatic moans and soft cries. She was definitely enjoying his attentions, and that was very important to him. He shifted until he was above her, and she met his gaze with an inviting smile. He moved forward, and she guided him into her with another moan.

* * *

They lay exhausted on the bunk. She gave him another long, sensuous kiss; he must have pleased her. That made him feel good. She had certainly pleased him.

He took a deep breath. “Your perfume’s kicking up again.”

She grinned. “Well, we made some more body heat.”

He laughed with her. They had assuredly done that, giving each other pleasure. He didn’t want this to end. “How long can you stay?”

“I need time to suit up, and the Flight Leader should be there early, so…about another half hour.” She ran her fingernails lightly across his chest, making him shiver. Her voice changed to something low and thrilling. “What did you have in mind?”

“Nothing. Just…stay here like this, until you have to go.”

She slipped her arm around and hugged him. “I can do that.”

It was strange. As long as Barnette was here he didn’t feel a need to do anything but lie in bed with her. He could still _feel_ that Dita was out there somewhere, he still missed her, but he could accept that there was nothing he could do right now to find her. Barnette brought him calm, and patience. Oh, and sex.

She had changed him. This much of the Taraak propaganda was true; he had encountered women, and he would never be the same again. They just missed the part about that being a _good_ thing. Dita had unlocked the door, Meia turned the handle, and now Barnette threw it wide open and showed him that what lay beyond it was not to be feared, but welcomed. He owed all of them a debt beyond measure.

All too soon she said reluctantly, “I have to get going.”

He was just as reluctant to let her go, but he wasn’t about to keep her from her duty. He embraced her again before she got up and started gathering her clothes. He watched her dress, and she smiled back at him. She sat on the bunk to put her shoes on, then leaned down for one last kiss. He squeezed her breasts with both hands.

She exclaimed, “Oh! Hibiki! I have to _go_ now!” but she was pressing his hands against her body at the same time, laughing. She pushed them away and stood up.

“I’ll sleep through breakfast, but I can join you for lunch. Good night, Hibiki dear.” She walked to the door and turned the lights down for him.

“I’ll see you at lunch, then. Good night, Barnette.” He watched her until she was gone.

He shifted into a more comfortable position, and found that his pillow had absorbed some of her perfume. He buried his face in it with a blissful sigh.


	5. Questions And Answers

Hibiki yawned and stretched before opening his eyes. His pillow still held a trace of Barnette’s perfume, and he smiled. He looked to his right out of long habit, but there was nothing there. Oops. He had forgotten to move the table and stand Dita’s picture back up. He felt guilty and almost panicked for a second, then got ahold of himself. Leaving it overnight wasn’t a betrayal of Dita, and it hadn’t hurt either her or the picture. He was starting to see things more sensibly.

He crawled out of the bunk, stretched again, put the table back in its place and stood Dita’s picture up. “I’m still looking for you, Dita. There’s just nothing I can do right now.”

He scraped up yesterday’s clothes and shoved them under his bunk. He’d put them in the laundry later, but he was in kind of a hurry right now. He dug clean clothes out of a locker and put them on, then set out for the john.

He reached the mess with ten minutes to spare and got in line. At the end, he looked around and smiled when he saw light-blue hair of a familiar shade. He walked over and sat down across from her. “Morning, Meia.”

She looked up and smiled. “Good morning, Hibiki. You’ve really quit eating in the corner, then?”

He grimaced. “Yeah. It wasn’t helping me find Dita.”

She took a couple more bites. “Where’s Barnette?”

He finished chewing and swallowed. “Sleeping off a midwatch.”

_He knew that instantly. What’s going on between them?_ “Will you be seeing her today?”

He had taken another bite, and had to finish it. “Yeah, she’ll be here for lunch. Why?”

“Just curious. You’ve been together a lot the last few days.”

His expression froze. _No wonder Gascogne always beats him at cards_. “She’s helping me deal with…stuff. I need the help, too.”

_Definitely something there. Time to ease up_. “I’m glad she’s helping you. I think you’re doing a lot better, anyway.”

“Thanks, Meia. I know you’ve been worried about me.”

“We all have. Everybody’s happy to see you getting better.”

He smiled. “I know you tried to help me, a few times. Sorry I pushed you away. I guess I just wasn’t ready for help until now. So, what are we doing today?”

_His manner has changed completely, even from what it was before we lost Dita_. She let him change the subject. “More combat sims. I want you to round up all the Vanguard jocks we didn’t have slots for, and fill out the group with the worst ones from yesterday. There will only be sixteen Dreads today; no point dragging Jura in for twenty minutes before she goes on watch. I’ve got one pilot I want to run through again, too. Don’t go easy on Vonna Riesen, but don’t go out of your way to bust her ass, either. I think I know what happened.”

He nodded. “Okay. I’ll keep an eye on her myself. Speaking of which, you’re welcome to go out of your way to bust Jobin’s ass. He left his partner hanging twice because she was getting kills and he was ‘tired of just following some _girl_ around’. Which was his damn _job_ in that threat environment. Her Dread took a lot of damage it shouldn’t have.”

She sighed. “Some of our boys and girls have still got their heads stuffed full of…propaganda.”

He chuckled. “You sure that’s what you wanted to say?”

She did too. “You’re right. Might as well go ahead and call it bullshit. They’ll understand that better, anyway.”

Hibiki scowled. “What they got to understand is that bullshit gets people killed. Good people. _Our_ people. And then it gets their sorry asses killed, too. We’ve been there. We’ve seen it. Why won’t they **listen?!** We know—” he stopped abruptly.

Meia reached across the table, took his hand and said softly, “We know awful things can happen to a pilot when nobody’s watching her back. And we can be left agonizing over our mistakes, real or imagined, for years.”

He remained silent for a long moment, then squeezed her hand. “Yeah. Like that.”

She looked into his eyes. “You’ve still got that…feeling?”

He nodded. “I know she’s out there somewhere. You?”

“Still nothing. Jura either. I’d be tempted to say ‘it’s all in your head’ but—”

“You got the same thing when I was lost. Only yours was actually helpful. I got no location, no direction, not even hot-or-cold.”

She squeezed his hand. “So you go on doing it the hard way. You seem to have a talent for that."

“You’re so supportive.” They both chuckled as she pulled her hand back and they resumed eating. After a few minutes he asked, “What’s on for this afternoon?”

“Cleaning and maintenance on our funky flight suits, then get them properly stowed. We’ll be needing them for real in a few days.”

He nodded. “What I figured. How about tomorrow?”

“Unless BC disagrees, we let them have the weekend off so they can rest and unwind. Monday we prep our gear, do a final check on all the Dreads and Vanguards, and knock off as early as we can. I’ll put only standby and relief pilots on the mid and zero-four ready watches. Tuesday morning could bring anything.”

He nodded again. “Sounds like a plan.”

As they finished up she asked, “Will I see you and Barnette at lunch?”

He smiled. “Sure. That would be nice.”

* * *

This time Hibiki stood beside Meia as the pilots and jockeys again gathered in two separate groups, eyeing each other with mutual distrust. Hibiki waited until they were all present, then stepped away from the wall and scowled fiercely.

“Attention! Listen up! We are the crew of the Starship Nirvana. All of us!” He waved his hand at the Dread pilots. “These women are **_our people!_** They’re **_good people!_** Most of them are my friends.” He glared at the men, hard. “They bleed and die just like we do. I’ve seen it happen—“ He had to stop for a few seconds, and his voice was harsh when he continued. “I never want to see that again. Fucking Harvesters don’t give a shit if we’re men or women, they just want to cut us all up for spare parts. They’re the enemy! These ladies will save your life, if you let them. If you work with them.”

“A few of you dickheads still haven’t learned that. I think you know who you are. Well, you’ve got one more chance. If you can’t get your shit together today, I’ll ship your asses back to Taraak and tell them you’re too stupid to stay on this ship!” He glared straight at Jobin. “Cause some of you are less use than an empty Vanguard! At least they follow orders.”

Vanguards could be programmed to battle autonomously, controlled only by their onboard computers. Their epic failures were an old joke.

“In four days we could be going into a battle and if you fuck that up, instead of a shitty score you’re gonna get dead. Or get somebody else dead. If you get my friends hurt, you better hope the enemy gets to you before I do.” He gave them all a final glare and stepped back.

Meia stepped out and addressed the Dread pilots. “Lieutenant Commander Tokai may have been a bit colorful—” She smiled, and most of the pilots chuckled. “—but he’s right. Our combined tactics are very effective when we work together, and support each other. If we don’t work together, we lose, and we all die together. Most of you know these men are not the evil monsters we’ve been told they were. You who are new here, if you give them a chance, I think you’ll find they are very much like us. They could be your friends, as Hibiki is a friend to many of us. And if any of you prove to me that you can’t work with men, I’ll ship _your_ asses back to Mejere and tell them how stupid you are.”

That shocked them a little. Meia just _wasn’t_ foul-mouthed and insulting. She gestured to the two doors. “Time to get started.”

They watched both groups file into the simulator rooms. Hibiki said quietly, “Over the top?”

Meia chuckled. “Of course. But in a good cause. You _men_ seem to respond to that sort of thing.” She reached up and gripped his shoulder. “Let’s see if it worked.”

They went through much the same program as yesterday but with enough variations to keep them guessing. Meia and Hibiki kept their eyes on each other’s problem children and provided advice, guidance, or a swift kick in the ass as appropriate. Vonna seemed to have recognized most of her mistakes and was working at correcting them. Jobin started out with the same cocky attitude but Meia left him floundering. He watched in consternation as ’just a _girl’_ wiped out enemies with the most dazzling displays of targeting and maneuvering he’d ever seen. He was no match for her natural talent, honed by years of determination and hard experience.

He was waiting for the next scenario to initialize when his simulator surprised him with a private channel signal and he heard her voice. “Now do you get some idea how far you have to go? You may have been a hot-shot wherever you came from, but out here you’re just a newbie. If you listen to us, if you do what we tell you, if you shitcan the attitude and _learn_ from us, you might become a _real_ hot-shot. I think you’ve got a decent chance, anyway.”

She paused, but between embarrassment and resentment he couldn’t find anything to say. She waited until the silence became uncomfortable before going on.

“Nobody is enough of a hot-shot to do this alone. You’re not, and neither am I. I need support. I need people I can count on to be where they’re supposed to be and do what they’re supposed to do, to watch my back and bail me out if I get in over my head. The enemy don’t care how cool we think we are, they just want to kill us any way they can. We have to kill them instead, and we have to do what works, whether it’s cool or not. We’ve all spent four long years learning the hard way what works, and that’s what we’re trying to teach you.”

She waited again, but he still didn’t answer. “Sometimes that means following somebody else around and watching her back, and thinking she’s having all the fun while you sit around with your thumb stuck up your ass. You should consider those the best of times! Because at any second you could both find yourselves swarmed and fighting for your lives, and that’s what you’re there for. And sometimes you’re going to be doing the fighting while she covers _your_ ass. That’s what working together is about. It’s what being a pilot on my ship is about.”

He still seemed to be sulking. “You think that over, and if you can’t handle it you let Commander Tokai know, so we can get you off our ship before you get yourself or one of our friends killed.”

* * *

Hibiki and Meia claimed a table, inviting Ensign Vonna Riesen to sit across from them. There was no point in seeking privacy for this; the incident had been talked to death ever since it happened. Better to deal with it openly — but not _too_ openly. They had to wave a couple of other pilots away from their table before everybody got the idea.

Up until now just a disembodied voice in the simulator, Ensign Riesen proved to be a charming eighteen-year-old of medium height with half-meter-long purply-pink hair — the word _magenta_ came to him after a minute — and bright purple eyes that regarded the two senior officers nervously. Before Barnette, he would barely have noticed how nicely she filled out her Mejere Space Force uniform.

They no longer had fifteen- and sixteen-year-old Dread pilots. Now that the sacrificial children of Mejere and Taraak had claimed their humanity, they weren’t being taken into the military at such absurdly young ages. There were only a few women younger than Vonna on board these days.

Hibiki spoke first. “Ensign Riesen—“

She jerked to attention in her seat and shouted, “Yes, Commander!”

He chuckled and said quietly, “We’re all off duty, Ensign. Give it a rest, and just talk, okay? Do you mind if we call you Vonna?”

“No, Comm—“ She cut off and visibly dialed herself back. “No, sir.”

“That’s better, Vonna. We’re here to discuss your performance, yesterday and today. Discuss, not beat you over the head.”

Curiosity was beginning to replace the nervousness. “Uh, yes, sir.”

Meia addressed her. “You made a lot of mistakes yesterday, Vonna.”

Nervous again, her voice got louder. “Yes, Commander, no excuse, ma’am!”

Meia picked up her fork and said patiently, “Calm down, Vonna, we’re just talking. Let’s take a minute, and start our lunches before they get cold.” Vonna hesitated, and her hand trembled slightly as she dug in.

Meia looked over at Hibiki. “Neither of us went through the Academy. They do their best to terrify the cadets, so they’ll obey orders instantly. We have to mellow them out a little.” They both chuckled and started eating while casually watching Vonna.

“Hi, Hibiki, Meia.” Barnette smiled at them as she sat beside Hibiki. She briefly put her hand on his before picking up her fork.

Hibiki smiled back. “Hi, Barnette.” Unlike the other pilots, the Flight Leader had a role here.

Meia said, “Barnette, this is one of our newest pilots, Vonna Riesen.”

Barnette nodded to her. “Welcome aboard, Vonna.”

“Thank you, Commander.” She almost kept her voice to a normal level.

Barnette smirked at Hibiki. “So, how did you do without me? Has the enemy taken over the galaxy, or only half of it?”

He replied pompously, “Really, Commander, we can run a simulation without you for a _few_ hours.”

They all laughed and resumed eating. After a while Vonna started to look less nervous.

Meia tried again. “How are you fitting in here aboard the Nirvana?”

Some of her nervousness returned. “Fine, ma’am. It’s…everything’s fine.”

Barnette smiled. “You might have noticed that we do things a little differently on this ship. For example, uniforms are not required. You can wear pretty much anything you want as long as it doesn’t impede your duties. Of course, you have to buy nonstandard apparel yourself.”

She looked somewhat confused. “Uh, yes, ma’am, I’ll think about it, ma’am.”

Barnette shared an amused glance with Meia. The most straight-laced ones often seemed to wind up with the most outlandish ‘looks’. The minor diversion had served its purpose of getting her to relax a little more.

Meia nodded to Hibiki, and he picked up the conversation. “Now, Vonna, about what happened to you yesterday…”

“Sir, no excuse, sir.” At least this time she wasn’t shouting.

He smiled at her again. “I’m not really interested in excuses, or a lack of them, but reasons — and ways we can help you to not make those mistakes in the future. You’re not the first newbie to screw up, and you won’t be the last. That’s what training and exercises are for, to find those mistakes and fix them. Because if the enemy catches you making mistakes, they _will_ be your last.”

Meia said, “I have a pretty good idea what happened, but I want to hear what you think. Why you suddenly started making, let’s face it, some pretty stupid mistakes, when you did so well before.”

“No excuse, ma’am.” she said miserably.

Meia put steel in her voice. “That’s not an answer, Ensign. When your commander asks you a question, you are required to answer it to the best of your ability. Now tell me what happened.”

She looked trapped, and turned a beseeching gaze on Hibiki. He turned his head toward Meia. The message was clear: _I won’t help you evade this_. Barnette was regarding her stonily as well. She looked almost ready to cry, but managed to stammer out, “The…the man…assigned to, to back me up…”

Hibiki said gently, “Your Vanguard partner, Second Lieutenant Stefan Kassell.”

“Yes, sir, um, he, he was…he yelled at me, and insulted me, and I didn’t do anything! Ma’am.” Tears were threatening to fall now, but her closing words had been defiant.

Meia kept her voice carefully neutral. “He said unkind things to you, so you fell apart, and forgot everything you’ve been taught.”

She sounded even more miserable. “Yes, ma’am, no excuse, ma’am.”

Hibiki pretended to be mystified. “The enemy will be trying to kill you with lasers, plasma cannons and missiles. If you fold up over a few mean words, how do you expect to face that?”

Meia didn’t give her a chance to reply. “Weren’t you yelled at all through your training? Didn’t your instructors insult you? They insult everybody! Why did you fall apart yesterday?”

“It’s, um…” She looked up, defiant again. “He’s a man, ma’am!”

Meia nodded sagely. “We’ve all been taught to hate and fear men all our lives. Told that they’re horrible and evil, that they are and will always be our enemies. We’ve been told different things lately, but you can’t just forget a lifetime of conditioning, even if you find out it’s mostly lies.”

Hibiki took over. “But today I was your partner, and you did a fine job. I even yelled at you a few times, and you just followed orders and did what you were supposed to do.”

Vonna was having a hard time putting her thoughts into words. “But…you’re different, sir. Meia likes you, and Jura, and Barnette, and a lot of the other girls. And, well…”

He said nothing, regarding her with a kindly, patient look until she continued, “You try so hard, looking for Lieutenant Liebely. I never met her, but everybody tells me what a nice person she was, and how much she cared about you, and how sad you are that she’s gone, and I…I just can’t think you’d ever hurt anybody like they told us about.”

Barnette smiled fondly at her. “You’re right, he wouldn’t. Most men wouldn’t. There are only a few, and we did our best not to let any of them get on board the Nirvana. Don’t be afraid of these men — _our_ men.”

Vonna looked dubious, but said, “I’ll…try, ma’am.”

Barnette studied her carefully. “Did you think to wonder _why_ he got abusive for so little reason?”

That surprised her. “Uh, no, not really, ma’am.”

Barnette chided her, “You should have. When people do things you don’t understand, you should wonder why. Even if you don’t figure out the answers, you should ask the questions.” Vonna nodded as she continued, “The men on Taraak have been taught to hate and fear us, too. There are some differences—“ She glanced at Hibiki and saw that he understood, “—but he finds you as disturbing as you find him.”

Now she really looked confused. “I…I don’t understand. Ma’am. He was…”

Barnette nodded. “That’s one big difference between women and men. When women feel nervous and uncomfortable, we usually act nervous and uncomfortable. When men feel uncomfortable and embarrassed, they tend to act hostile and belligerent. Most men feel that exposing their nervousness makes them look weak, so they cover it up with a show of aggression. Of course, when they really _are_ hostile and aggressive, they act pretty much the same, so it can be hard to tell.”

Vonna said uncertainly, “You…you think he was covering up what he felt, by acting mean to me?”

Meia answered, “I reviewed the recordings, and that’s what it looks like.” She turned to Hibiki with a snarky grin. “I’ve seen it before.”

Hibiki started, “Meia—“

Barnette chuckled. “Don’t try to deny it!” Her expression softened. “To be fair, Commander Tokai was caught totally unprepared. He never expected to be stuck on a ship full of women five thousand light-years from home. I think he coped pretty well. Eventually.” She and Meia laughed, and even Hibiki gave them a pained chuckle.

Meia turned her attention back to Vonna. “What happened to you was two things, I think. You expect the enemy to attack you, but you don’t expect your own shipmate to stab you in the back. On top of that, you’ve been taught to hate and fear men all your life. Put together, they reduced you to a shivering wreck.”

She looked embarrassed and ashamed. “I…guess so, ma’am.”

Meia said, “Now you know what the problem is. What are you going to do about it?”

Vonna looked at them, and they could see her gather her resolve. She hadn’t gotten here by being weak. She’d been taken by surprise, hit in a vulnerable spot she hadn’t expected. Now that they had pushed her to recognize the problem and define it, she showed the determination that had made her a Dread pilot.

In a firm voice she pronounced, “I’m going to get over my fear of men, Commander.” She looked at Hibiki. “I need to talk to a man, sir. Um, besides you, I mean. Maybe not right now, but later?”

“I think that can be arranged. Maybe at supper tonight.” He frowned slightly. “Want to try talking to Stefan?”

Her answer was quick and emphatic. “Stefan’s an asshole!” She stopped, blushed, and added, “Uh, sorry, sir. I’ll probably have to, someday, but right now…”

“Got it. I’ll find somebody.” He gave her a half-smile. “And while Group Commander Tokai could never say such a thing—“

Barnette picked up smoothly, “Hibiki, and his friends Meia and Barnette, agree completely. Only a real asshole would try to cover up his insecurities by hurling abuse at an innocent girl. I think Flight Commander Gisborn and I should have a little _talk_ with your boy Stefan, Group Commander.”

Hibiki gave her a whole smile, a nasty one. “I think that’s an excellent idea, Flight Leader Orangello. As soon as we finish this afternoon’s duties I’ll send him to you for…counseling.”

She returned an even nastier grin. “And somebody to pick up the quivering remains afterward?” She looked at Vonna, and chuckled at her troubled look. “Don’t worry, we’ll only use words. They can be downright crippling, as you know.”

Meia chuckled, too. “When Barnette gets done talking he’ll _wish_ we only beat him half to death. She’s an artist with words, when she feels like it. We’ll have him cowering under the furniture in two minutes.”

They all laughed at that, then Vonna looked over their heads. “Hi, Fione!”

“Mind if we join you?” They heard Jura’s voice behind them. “And who are you beating to death this time?”

Meia invited them, “Come have a seat. We’re just going to do a little _counseling_. No beatings.”

“What’s the fun in that?” Fione had shoulder length flame-orange hair and yellow-orange eyes. She wore a tight red top and a short, darker-red skirt, giving an overall effect of a walking torch. She had a fiery personality to match. She gave them an appalled look as both women maneuvered around the table. “Counseling by Barnette — I think beating her to death would be more merciful. Definitely more efficient!” She sat down beside Vonna while Jura took the seat across from Barnette.

They all chuckled and Meia said, “One of Hibiki’s Vanguard jocks got a little out of line yesterday, so we want to…discourage him from doing it again.”

Fione looked at Vonna. “I take it he got out of line with you?”

She nodded, still embarrassed. “He, um, yelled a bunch of insults at me and I got nervous and screwed up the exercise. I’m not…used to men.”

Fione put an arm around her shoulders. “It takes time. They’re really not monsters like we were always told.” She took her arm away and laughed. “Just imagine they’ve got long hair and bigger tits than Jura, and pretend they’re women!”

They all laughed, although Jura wore a long-suffering expression. Fione was aware of the concepts of discretion and tact, but rarely thought of them until it was too late. She usually barged cheerfully ahead, saying whatever came to mind, until people’s scandalized reactions registered. All her friends had grown used to it. Vonna turned a little red, and giggled.

Meia smiled at her. “That would only be a temporary measure, of course. You’ll have to accept them as men eventually. Like Commander Tokai.”

She looked at them with open curiosity. “How was it for you? In the beginning, I mean.”

Meia looked…nostalgic. “It was all kind of overwhelming. We’d just escaped being blown to bits, we didn’t know where we were, our ship was being eaten by the Ikazuchi, and then we found out that we hadn’t gotten all the men off the ship. Most of us were…uneasy, just knowing they were on board. Although with three men and over a hundred women, they weren’t so intimidating after we thought it through.”

Jura looked at Barnette and said teasingly, “Well, except a few of us overreacted _just_ a bit. Barnette led kind of an…uprising.” Barnette groaned as she continued, “She got about a dozen other women and some laser rifles, rounded up ‘those insufferable men’ and locked them in the brig. About a third of the crew wound up joining the rebels.” They were all laughing now, although the green-haired pilot had her face buried in her hands. “They felt really pleased with themselves for a couple of days, until we ran into our first Harvester Flagship and they realized that we needed Hibiki to make the VanDreads, we couldn’t fly the Nirvana without Bart, and Duelo was the only doctor on board. Then Hibiki came up with this harebrained plan to destroy the Harvesters by igniting a protostar — and it worked! Even Big Bad Barnette had to admit they weren’t so odious after that.”

Vonna was shocked. “But that’s…I mean…it’s, that would be, a, a _mutiny!”_

Jura looked at her, still laughing. “Well, yeah, but only a little one. Less than half the crew, it was all over in a couple of days, and nobody actually got hurt.”

Vonna was still shocked, and bewildered too. “What do you mean, _a little mutiny?”_

They all laughed harder, Fione bumped her shoulder and grinned at her. “We’re _pirates_, girl! Sure, on one of your uptight Space Force ships there’d be court-martials, hangings and beheadings, and life without parole at hard labor, but for us pirates a minor mutiny is just one of those things. We get over it.”

Jura gave her a warning look. “Don’t get any ideas, though. You haven’t been on board anywhere near long enough to be leading any mutinies. Wait at least two or three years.” This brought fresh roars and howls, although Meia seemed a bit more subdued.

Vonna looked around at all of them, sure they were pulling her leg, but finally came to the conclusion that they weren’t. Hard as it was to believe, they were joking about what had technically been a mutiny. She shook her head, and as the laughter died down, she said, “But, you’re all friends now, right?”

Barnette had regained her composure, and put her hand on Hibiki’s. “Good friends. We’ve all learned to trust each other, and care about each other. We’ve saved each other’s lives, over and over.”

Meia indicated three tables of loud-talking men. “Most of those men are good people. Most of them can be our friends, if they can get over what they’ve been told about us, and if we give them a chance.”

“What about…Lieutenant Kassell, ma’am?” Vonna put an unpleasant emphasis on the name.

Hibiki looked stern. “For starters, he’s off the deployment roster for Maddalen. We don’t need that shit on a live op. If Meia and Barnette aren’t satisfied with his attitude today, he’s going back to Taraak. If he does anything else out of line, he’s making the trip in the brig.”

She looked down at the table and asked quietly, “What about me?”

Meia was stern, too. “The only thing you did wrong was not bringing this matter to me yesterday. I shouldn’t have had to find out about it by investigating your poor performance. I don’t care how embarrassed or uncomfortable you are, it’s your responsibility as an officer to report anything that impedes your ability to carry out your duties. Do you understand that?”

Vonna looked up. “Yes, ma’am.”

Meia nodded. “Good. Don’t forget, and don’t ever think it means you’re ‘crying to your Fama’. Now, let’s finish our lunches.”

She smiled a little. “Yes, ma’am.”

* * *

Cleaning, inspecting, servicing and stowing their flight suits was as boring and tedious as it sounded. Knowing that your life depended on getting it right ensured that everyone did it conscientiously anyway. Hibiki supervised the other Vanguard jockeys; he would put off doing his own until tomorrow when everybody else was off duty. Barnette and Jura would be doing the same thing and they could all cross-check each other’s work. As they were finishing up he checked with Meia and confirmed that she and Barnette were ready to see Lieutenant Kassell.

Hibiki called out, “Kassell!”

Second Lieutenant Stefan Kassell looked worried. “Yes, sir!”

“Report to the Dread Flight Commander’s office.”

Now he looked confused, too. “Why, sir?”

Hibiki’s reply was very, very dry. “Did you think we missed your little performance yesterday?”

Stefan swallowed nervously. “Uh, no, sir, uh, I mean, why _her?”_

Still dry, and cold too. “Why are you still here? You should already be on your way. But—“ the lieutenant flinched, “—to satisfy your _curiosity_,” Hibiki started ticking points off on his fingers. “Because she wants to deal with this issue herself. Because she’s senior to me. Because she’s right. And because I’m way too pissed off to give you another chance, and she _might. If_ you can convince her you’re worth it. Go!”

“Yes, sir!” Lieutenant Kassell turned and departed hastily.

* * *

Hibiki sat in his tiny cubbyhole of an office, finishing the day’s paperwork. Fortunately, there was very little actual paper on board the Nirvana, but the word and the routine remained inescapable. He’d also spent many an hour in here obsessively going over the data he’d collected searching for Dita.

He looked up, smiling, at a knock on the door. “Come in.”

It opened, and the smile vanished when Second Lieutenant Kassell stepped inside and snapped to attention. “Reporting as ordered, sir!” He looked stressed and on edge after his counseling session.

After several seconds Hibiki realized that Meia must have sent him. Well, she had to have a reason; best to find out what it was. In a calm voice he said, “At ease, Lieutenant, and shut the door.”

“Yes, sir.” He got the door closed, but hardly relaxed at all.

Hibiki chuckled. “Looks like you survived.”

“Uh, yes, sir?” The jibe hadn’t relieved his tension, just added confusion to it.

Hibiki sighed and wished he was better at things like this. “All right, Lieutenant, why are you here?”

He fixed his gaze on the wall. “She, uh, Commander Gisborn, told me to tell you she recommends keeping me on board, sir.”

“I see. Guess I don’t have to make out those transfer orders after all.”

He looked even more confused. “Sir? I thought you wanted to…boot me off the ship.”

“I did, but if Commander Gisborn and Commander Orangello think you deserve another chance, that’s good enough for me.”

“You just…changed your mind? Sir.”

“I trust their judgement.” His expression turned distant and he murmured, “More than my own, sometimes.” He looked up at Kassell. “I take it you want to stay?”

“Uh, yes, sir.”

“And they impressed on you the importance of never going off like that again? On anybody?”

His woeful expression was positively eloquent. “At considerable length, sir.”

Hibiki chuckled, then turned serious again. “So, what happened? You’ve been aboard almost a year, why did you suddenly lose it?”

Stefan looked embarrassed. “I screwed up, sir. I missed an enemy, it got to her Dread and she called me on it, and I, well, I knew it was my fault but…”

He nodded. “You didn’t want to admit it to a woman.”

Kassell nodded back. “And she kept _pushing_, and then, well…”

They both grunted, knowing what came next, then spent a little time lost in thought.

Stefan said reluctantly, “I, um, they ordered me to apologize to her. Today. How do I do that?”

“Same way you apologize to anybody. You say ‘I was wrong, and I’m sorry’.” Kassell looked unsatisfied with the answer, and Hibiki added, “I think you should call her ‘Miss Riesen’ instead of ‘Ensign’. You’re apologizing to _her_ personally, so your address should be personal.”

“I don’t know, sir, it’s, um…”

Hibiki chuckled. “It’s not that hard. Open your mouth, and make the words come out.”

He almost sputtered, “But — but she’s a _woman_, sir!”

Hibiki chuckled again. “Yeah, yeah, we’re men, they’re women — but we’re a lot more the same than different. We’re all people, first. If you can remember that, it helps.”

Stefan sounded mystified. “How do you do it, sir? You talk to these women, have lunch with them…”

He answered almost without thinking. “They’re my friends. Of course I talk to them.”

Kassell sounded dubious. “Even…Commander Gisborn?”

Hibiki said seriously, “Meia Gisborn is the best friend I ever had.”

Stefan asked, “What about the other one, that Lieutenant Dita everybody talks about?”

_Dita_… There was a long pause before he could say, “She’s…more than a friend. A lot more.”

“Uhh…I don’t get it.”

Hibiki brought himself back to his office. “I guess you wouldn’t. Maybe someday, if you’re lucky, you’ll have somebody who’s more than a friend, and find out for yourself.”

They both remained silent for a time, then Hibiki turned to his computer and brought up an index page. “Have you read through this?”

Stefan looked at it. “That’s the stuff about women, right? I looked at it a little, but it was kind of confusing.”

He nodded. “It’s the information the Firsts provided about men and women, for all of us. It’s kind of old, and a little sketchy, but it’s a start. There’s more, things people have collected from the systems we’ve visited, where men and women live together. I’ll send you the links so you can look through it. Consider it part of your training.”

Stefan smiled a little. “Will there be a test?”

Hibiki chuckled, but his voice was serious as he said, “Getting along with your shipmates. _All_ of them.”

“Uh, yes, sir.”

“Any more questions?”

He thought about it. “Not right now, sir.”

“All right then, read this stuff when you have time, and if you don’t understand something, ask me, or…yeah, Commander Rheingau. And don’t forget that apology. Dismissed, Lieutenant.”

Lieutenant Kassell braced to attention. “Yes, sir.” He opened the door and squeezed past it, stepped out and closed it behind him.

Hibiki turned to his computer and started to close the Men And Women Informational Index, then stopped. Come to think of it, he’d never really read through this stuff either. He’d gotten a little of it second-hand from Dita, but there was no use dwelling on where _that_ had gone. What he and Barnette were doing probably went beyond anything he'd find in here, but there must be other things he should know. He scanned down the topics until ‘Gender Dimorphism’ caught his eye. He had an idea what that might mean…

Barnette had given him a new perspective, and what he read actually started to make sense. One subject led to another, and it was supper time before he knew it.

* * *

“Lieutenant Brody.” He turned around and saw Major Tokai walking toward him.

“Yes, sir?”

Hibiki gave him an enigmatic look. “I’ve got a mission for you, Karl.”

He smiled uncertainly. “Yes, sir.”

“Join me for supper.”

He fell in beside his Group Commander. “You’ll explain the mission at supper, sir?”

“Supper _is_ the mission, Lieutenant.”

Karl missed a step in surprise. “I, uh, don’t understand, sir.”

“That’s okay. All will become clear, very soon.”

He’d been in the Taraak Army long enough to know what to say in such a situation. “Yes, sir.”

They got to the serving line and spent several minutes creeping through it. When they reached the end, Hibiki led the way to a table. Barnette and Meia saw them first.

Barnette smiled happily. “Hi, Hibiki.”

He returned the smile. “Hi, Barnette.” He looked at their seating and added, “Meia, would you mind moving over and giving Lieutenant Brody your seat?”

The women all looked at them as they walked around the table. There was one empty seat between Barnette and Meia; Jura, Rika and Vonna sat on the opposite side. Hibiki would be completely at ease sitting between his lover and his best friend, but he suspected that Karl might feel more comfortable sitting next to at least one man. Besides, this would place him directly in front of Vonna.

Meia appeared to understand. “All right,” she said, sliding herself and her tray to the next seat.

Hibiki sat beside Barnette, and Karl sat between him and Meia, a little hesitantly.

Hibiki made a quick introduction. “Ladies, this is First Lieutenant Karl Brody. Karl, I think you know Commanders Gisborn, Elden, and Orangello, and Lieutenant Garas, and this is Ensign Vonna Riesen. She’s one of our newest Dread pilots.”

There was a round of nods and murmured greetings. Vonna looked nervous but determined, and Karl just looked nervous. Jura and Rika regarded him with curious interest, then stuck forks into their trays and each picked up a bite almost in unison.

Barnette decided to start things off. “We’ve been trying to bring men and women together in this crew for a long time, and there hasn’t been much progress. You fellows have formed a sort of clan within the crew, closed to outsiders,” she waved at the solid bloc of ‘Taraak men tables’, “and in response, we’ve closed ranks as well. This young lady—“ she nodded to Vonna, “—gave us an idea for a different approach. Instead of trying to get ‘the men’ and ‘the women’ to accept each other, why not start by trying to get one woman and one man to understand each other better?”

Meia said reflectively, “That’s how it all started, isn’t it? With one boy, and one girl?” She looked at Hibiki and said sadly, “Let’s hope it works out better this time.”

He flashed back to his three-year depression, and grunted. “Yeah, don’t take me as an example. It’s not because of women, it’s…” his voice trailed off.

Barnette put her hand on his. “Because of the loss of one woman. I’m sure you’ve heard some version; everybody talks about it, whether they understand or not. Hibiki and Dita got close to each other, and then she just disappeared. He’s been searching for her ever since.”

Jura gave him a sympathetic look. “It’s been really hard on you, hasn’t it? But, do you regret getting close to her?”

He shook his head decisively. “No.” After a few seconds he added quietly, “I regret pushing her away.” Barnette squeezed his hand.

Jura gave Karl a playful smile. “So, you want to give it a try?”

Hibiki looked at him, too. “This is not something we can order you to do. Not only would that be improper, this will only be possible if you _want_ to make it work. If you decide you don’t want to participate, that will be the end of it. No penalties, and we find somebody else.”

He said uncertainly, “That’s some mission, sir.”

Hibiki chuckled. “I told you, supper is the mission. If you decide to do this, it’s all up to you. No orders, no directives, and you can quit any time. You can come to any of us for advice, but in the end you’d be on your own.”

He took a bite and thought it over. “What would I do?”

Barnette answered him. “You and Vonna would spend some time together when you’re both off duty. Sit together at meals, if you want. Talk, about anything.” She chuckled. “Complain about military chickenshit, discuss your friends, tell each other jokes, describe your lives on Mejere and Taraak. It’s all up to the two of you.”

Brody thought some more. “Why me, sir? And, uh, why her?”

Hibiki said, “You seem to be, well, less uncomfortable around women than most of them. As for Vonna, why don’t you ask her yourself?”

He looked a bit agitated, then faced Vonna warily. There was a long pause before he finally asked, “Uh, why did they pick you, Ensign?”

She was a little less nervous, and even more determined. “They didn’t. _I_ picked me. There was…an incident, yesterday, with a man, that… I felt threatened, and I don’t want to. Not any more.”

Meia explained, “We were taught to hate and fear men the same way you’ve been taught to hate women. Now they tell us it was mostly bullshit, but it’s not so easy to reject everything you’ve known for a lifetime. Vonna chose to take this action, and push herself. We all commend her for her initiative.”

Brody saw that they were all looking at him expectantly. Jura and Rika had him feeling a little uneasy, but Vonna looked tense, and…innocent. His commander sat beside him, relaxed and talking casually with a whole table full of women. One of them had put her hand on his and that didn’t bother him either. Could he learn to be so composed around women? There was a way to find out.

He managed to keep his voice steady. “Okay, sir. I volunteer.”

Hibiki grinned and slapped his shoulder. “That’s the spirit! We’re men, and we ain’t afraid!” Everybody laughed.

When the laughing died down, Vonna looked at him with a little smile and said, “Thank you for helping me, Lieutenant.”

He hesitated before replying, “You’re welcome. This, uh, it should be interesting. Um, Ensign.”

She glanced at Hibiki, then returned her attention to Karl. “We’re off duty, so you can call me Vonna.”

“Oh, okay, well, you can call me Karl then.”

There was an awkward silence. Hibiki leaned over and whispered in his ear. He looked surprised, then said, “Uh, Vonna, would you like to see the Vanguard bay after supper?”

She looked surprised too, and said, “Okay, Karl. Hey, I could show you my Dread.”

“Really? Cool! I’ve never seen a Dread up close.”

Another silence was interrupted by Stefan Kassell’s approach. He snapped to attention behind Karl, fixed his gaze just above Vonna’s head, and recited, “Miss Riesen. I apologize for what I did yesterday. It…it was wrong.”

Vonna bit her lip nervously. After a short delay she looked up at him and said, “Your apology is accepted, Mister Kassell.”

Kassell hadn’t rehearsed this part. “Oh— okay. I mean…thank you, Ensign.”

Meia looked up at him. “All right, Lieutenant, your apology was…adequate. Dismissed.”

He stood even more rigidly at attention, called out “Yes, ma’am!”, performed a right-face, and marched away to get his own supper.

Hibiki looked from Vonna to Karl and asked, “Have you two read that ‘Men And Women’ stuff the Firsts gave us?”

Vonna shook her head and Karl said, “Uh, just a little, sir.”

Hibiki scowled slightly. “Well, now it’s an assignment. Read through it. I’ll send both of you links to that, and some other material.”

Barnette added, “I think you should both go over it together. You might understand it better that way.”

Meia nodded. “Good idea. If you have any questions, you can bring them to me, or Commander Tokai.”

Jura giggled. “Wait ’til you get to the _good_ parts!” Everybody laughed except Karl and Vonna, who looked puzzled.

Barnette explained, “She means the parts about, um…sexual relations between men and women.” She felt uncomfortable; Jura was sitting _right there_. Vonna and Karl had expressions of shock and distaste as she continued, “You should leave that part out for now, and absolutely don’t try any of it until you know each other a lot better. And then, only if you both want to.”

They both seemed distressed by her words. so she tried to put them at ease. “Hey, when you learn new things, some of them are going to surprise you. Don’t forget, we’re the oddballs. Everywhere else, men and women have always been together, and they learned these things while they were growing up.”

Meia spoke up, sternly. “And remember the Captain’s orders to all of us. There is to be no unwanted physical contact. The Old Earthers called that ‘harassment’, and it caused them a lot of problems.”

Vonna looked calmer. “So, we’re not allowed to touch each other.”

Barnette shook her head. “No, the crucial part is _unwanted_ contact. If a man — or a woman — touches either one of you without your permission, tell them to back the fuck off. If they won’t, report it _immediately_. Run straight to me, Meia, BC, anybody in the command staff, even the Captain. Tell us exactly what happened, and we’ll deal with it. Hard. We won’t tolerate that on our ship.”

Meia said, “That doesn’t mean you can be busted just for accidentally touching somebody. It has to be deliberate, or repeated, and continue after you’ve been told to stop. Or, if someone allows you to touch them, there’s no problem.”

Barnette reached across and patted Hibiki’s hand. “That’s right. Like Commander Tokai, and me. We’ve given each other permission, so it’s okay.”

Jura chuckled sensuously. “Or you and me. We’ve done some _touching!”_

There was more laughter, Hibiki’s and Barnette’s a little nervous. Barnette looked at Vonna. “You can put limits on permission, too. Let someone touch your hand, but that’s all. Anyway, you probably won’t need to think about all that for a while.”

They all continued eating, then Jura asked, “So, Meia, what’s on for tomorrow?”

Meia put on her ‘official’ face. “I talked to BC, and she agreed that we should set the usual weekend schedule tomorrow and Sunday, and spend Monday preparing for action.” She chuckled. “Tuesday is anybody’s guess, depending on what we find.”

Barnette flashed Hibiki a knowing smile. The administrative part of their duties would keep them busier than most, but they would find time for each other.

* * *

Once again they weren’t seen going into Hibiki’s quarters. It was kind of thrilling in a way, like being spies on board their own ship. Their first embrace and kiss was less urgent tonight, but no less satisfying. They were starting to feel secure with each other, putting doubt and misgivings behind them. Hibiki moved the table as Barnette started undressing, then took his own clothes off. She finished first and lay on the bunk, and he sat on the edge looking down at her.

He seemed to be embarrassed and self-conscious about something. He did that a lot, but this was unusually severe even for him. He asked, hesitantly, “Remember Ezra? She had a baby?”

Thinking of that brought back memories. She said reflectively, “How could any of us forget? I hear they’re all happy, and little Kahlua is walking and talking and everything. What brings this up?”

He looked at his feet and said haltingly, “I read some of that, uh, the stuff they put up about men and women and there’s…”

He still had her mystified. “What is it, Hibiki?” She rubbed his back with one hand.

He was still looking at his feet. “Well, um, we, uh, what we’re doing, it’s, I mean, will we…” He choked off the stream of babble, raised his head, concentrated all his willpower and blurted out, “Are you gonna have a baby?”

He looked as if he had fought a desperate battle against some fearsome enemy just to get those few words out, and Barnette couldn’t help laughing. She would have made the connection eventually but to her, babies came from a genetics lab, not the man who satisfied her desires. “No, you can’t get me pregnant, Hibiki. I see what you mean now, but we don’t have to worry about it.”

Now he looked profoundly relieved, but still a bit doubtful. “Are you sure? I mean…_really_ sure?”

She chuckled. “Yes, I’m really sure. It’s not possible for me to get pregnant, not at this time, anyway.”

Her answer reassured him, but he still looked a little uncertain. “Not…at this time, but, some other time? Like, when?”

She chuckled again. “Why, Hibiki, do you _want_ me to have a baby?” She had started off light, half-joking, but suddenly she felt breathless, overwhelmed by a surge of warmth and emotion, and added softly, “Do you want me to have…your baby?”

He was just as abruptly struck speechless again. He got a curious expression, something like two parts panic and one part…wonder? He looked into her eyes for a long time, then leaned down and kissed her, very gently. He sat up again, still without words.

Barnette was recovering, and smiled up at him. “I don’t think we’re ready to talk about a baby. Not any time soon, either. Maybe some day. Maybe more than one, even.”

He still didn’t speak, just smiled in a kind of stunned way.

She put the matter aside for now. “How much do you know about women, and reproduction, and how we do things on Mejere?”

After a minute, his voice returned. “Well, I started to read it, but some of it didn’t make much sense, and there was a lot more, and…” He stopped and thought for a few more seconds. “Uh, not much.”

“Would you like me to tell you?”

“Yeah, I think that would help a lot.”

“All right, I’ll tell you everything I know.” She paused thoughtfully.

“A woman’s body is adapted to grow a child inside, and then bring her out. That’s called pregnancy, and birth, like we saw with Ezra.” She giggled. “I remember you got a pretty close look at the ‘birth’ part.”

He shivered. “We were stuck in an elevator, and I didn’t know what to do. Dita saved the day.”

“Yes, she did. Anyway, a woman’s body has to prepare for pregnancy, by growing a thick lining in the uterus, increasing blood supply, some other things. If she doesn’t get pregnant, all those preparations have to be broken down, and expelled from her body. It’s maybe fifty milliliters of blood, mixed with chunks of dead tissue, and takes two or three days. There is usually pain, sometimes nausea and other disagreeable symptoms. It puts a lot of stress on the body, and the hormones that control it bring on emotional disturbances. All those things affect some women more than others.”

She saw that Hibiki was looking a little nauseous himself, and chuckled ruefully. “My doctor said I was about average. Trust me, you do _not_ want to be around Jura when she goes through it. I was, and I said next time, lock her in a holding cell until it’s over. Everybody thought I was joking.”

“Before modern medicine, every woman had to go through all that every four weeks for most of her life. Five or six hundred times, and she might want to get pregnant once or twice. It was like some sort of barbaric torture. And if she had sex with a man, she could get pregnant when she didn’t want to. I hadn’t thought about that part. Anyway, I’m glad I didn’t live back then.”

“On Mejere, well, in most of the civilized galaxy, after the process starts, a doctor implants two medical devices about this big—“ she indicated something the size of a grape with her fingers, “—they attach to her ovaries, regulate the hormones and prevent those cycles. They monitor her reproductive system and report any problems, and every two years they shut down long enough to allow one cycle, just to make sure nothing has gone wrong. If the woman wants to be a Fama, the doctor has a transmitter that sends a coded signal and turns them off until the embryo is implanted, and the baby is born.”

She smiled reassuringly. “My last cycle was less than a year ago, so we don’t have to worry about me getting pregnant for a long time.”

He looked down at her stomach uneasily. “You’ve got two…machines…inside?”

“We all do. Most women in the galaxy do.” She chuckled. “I guess that makes us cyborgs, sort of.”

He looked even more unsettled, and she felt a little put out. “I’ve had them in there for almost ten years.” She grabbed his hand and pressed it against her abdomen, above her left hip bone. “They’re inside me, here,” she moved it to her right side, “and here. I know you can’t feel them. You never noticed them before, and you never will.”

He thought about it, looking down at himself, then at her, running his hand over the places she’d indicated, and she giggled. “That tickles!” She caught his hand again and pushed it between her legs. “You can’t get to them from here.” He tried to get his hand free, but she held on, two of his fingers slipped inside her and she moaned, “Ohhhh, Hibiki, you bad boy!”

She giggled again at his embarrassed expression, then grew more serious and said softly, “There’s no need for you to be nervous about having sex with me. It’s perfectly safe. Nothing about me has changed.” She let him pull his hand away and think it over some more, then asked in the same soft voice, “Are you still my lover, Hibiki? I still want to be your lover.”

He thought some more and mused, “All the women I’ve met have those _things_ in them, right?”

She started to agree, then frowned and said sourly, “Probably not the ones on planets controlled by the Harvesters. They wouldn’t want to reduce their _assets’_ birth rate. But on free planets, yes.”

“And you wanted them put in you?”

She laughed nastily. “Oh, you better believe it! They make us go through all that at least four times, to make sure everything’s normal, and I would have begged her to put them in after the first one if I thought she’d do it. It sucks going through it every two years, but I can’t argue with the reasons.”

Hibiki ran his hand over her stomach and looked sheepish. “I’m being a dumbass, ain’t I, Barnette?”

She shook her head. “You’ve had a surprise, and it’s taking you a little while to deal with it. I don’t think that makes you a dumbass. Much.” She smiled, then reached up and gently pulled his head down for a kiss. He didn’t resist.

Kissing Barnette felt exactly the same as before, her lips just as soft, her tongue just as exciting. Did it really matter that she had two tiny gadgets inside her body? He had never noticed them, wouldn’t even know about them now if she hadn’t told him. Would he reject her if she got wounded in battle and needed a bone pin, or an artificial joint? Of course not. He felt a little ashamed of himself, and put everything he had into the kiss.

After a time he pulled back and she smiled up at him. “Oh, Hibiki. You’re still my lover. I can tell.”

“Yeah. You’re right, those things don’t matter.”

She gave him a low, sensuous laugh. “Prove it to me, lover.”

He did.

Sex with Barnette was as good as ever, and she clearly enjoyed herself, too. It would have been really stupid to give that up over a couple of little things he couldn’t even see. Not to mention how much it would hurt a very good woman. He was glad he’d come to his senses. He whispered, “Barnette,” and kissed her when she turned toward him.

She luxuriated in the kiss, taking it as final proof that there would be no more silliness over her medical implants. She was glad their relationship was back to normal, and just in time. When the kiss ended she hugged him tight. “I can’t stay much longer. I have to hit the rack early because I’ve got the zero-four watch. You know what that’s like.”

“Oh. Yeah, it’s a pain. But, somebody has to, right?”

“That’s right, and tonight it’s my turn. I won’t see you at breakfast, either.”

“I’ll survive.” He smiled. “_If_ you sit with me at lunch.”

“Of course I will. We agreed to eat together whenever we can, didn’t we?” She thought for a moment. “We’ll spend most of the morning working on our flight suits, since it’ll be just the four of us. Lunch will be a nice break.”

He felt bashful as he said, “It’s always nice, being with you.”

She gave him a beautiful smile and said quietly, “It’s nice being with you, too. These last few days have been really good. I was happy like this with Jura, but that was a long time ago.”

He raised his head and looked down at her. “Jura…have you told her?”

She shook her head, troubled. “I still haven’t figured out how to tell her. Anyway, I think it would be best to wait until we find out what’s going on at Maddalen. If we get into a battle there, we don’t want to be distracted with personal drama. If we need VanDread Jura and she’s pissed at you…that could be bad.”

“You’ve got a point. I didn’t think about that.” He laid his head back down beside her.

“I hope I’m not just making excuses to put it off.” She grimaced. “It’ll probably be a ghastly scene. It could even turn into a fight. Maybe I should tell her in the Dread bay where there’s plenty of room.”

Hibiki reached up and stroked her cheek. “I’d offer to help, but I don’t think…”

She leaned into his hand. “No, that would just make it worse. It’s something I need to do on my own.”

They lay together quietly until she sat up and said, “Time to go.” She picked up her clothes and got dressed, then bent down and kissed him. “Good night, Hibiki. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He smiled up at her. “Good night, Barnette. See you tomorrow.” He watched her until the door closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s no way a planet full of women with such advanced medical technology wouldn’t do something like that, even if the rest of the galaxy didn’t. They would deal with the hymen, too; Barnette just didn’t mention it.


	6. New Perspectives

Barnette woke to the alarm and groaned. It was more reflex than actual complaint; the zero-four watch was a pain but she actually felt pretty good. She often had trouble getting to sleep early, but last night she’d dozed off right away. Her evening with Hibiki had left her feeling peaceful and completely relaxed.

She thought about him as she dressed. She felt so _good_ when she was with him, and she was pleased just knowing that he was near and she would see him again in a few hours. She was sure they belonged together, that they should go on sharing company, conversation, kisses and really good sex.

She finished dressing, stepped out of her quarters and followed the ship’s empty corridors to where her flight suit was stowed. Her course was set, her mind made up. Hibiki was hers, and she was his. They would get this Maddalen business out of the way, she’d find a way to tell Jura, and they could stop all this sneaking around.

* * *

With Barnette on watch and Meia sleeping in after hers, Hibiki sat with the Vanguard jockeys and mechanics at breakfast. It actually felt kind of strange to be surrounded by men again; he’d been off playing hermit almost the entire time they’d been aboard. Spending most of his time before that, and since, around women had made him more accustomed to their company.

They were a little uncertain about him, too, for the same reason. He’d spent four years with _women_; what had they done to him? He _seemed_ almost normal…

They talked about the battle simulations and other Manly Subjects for a while, then one of them asked a question about women, the dam broke, and it was all they could talk about. He tried to keep it simple and casual, to impress upon them that women were different from men, but it wasn’t something to be worried about. It wasn’t easy. Most of their questions were so wrong they couldn’t even be answered directly.

They had tried talking to Bart and Duelo, but not very much. Bart went on and on about himself, most of it obvious bullshit if you thought about it. His interest was still with BC, who despite appearances was more man than woman, and she/he _really_ made them uneasy. Duelo was one of the Elite, not exactly someone they considered approachable. They were both outsiders, but Tokai was one of the gang — and he had more experience with women than anybody else they knew of. If they only knew _how_ much! They’d been waiting a long time to corner him on the subject.

This was something he should have been doing, instead of moping about and uselessly repeating his failed searches for Dita. They asked about that, too, but he put them off with vague replies about her being his wingman, and his responsibility. He might talk about his feelings for Dita with Meia or Gascogne, maybe with Barnette now, but there was no way he could discuss the subject with a bunch of _men_. He couldn’t tell them that, either.

It was well after 0800 when they apologized and cleared out so the Ship Services gals could finish their morning cleanup. Hibiki went to the Vanguard bay to fetch his flight suit and tool kit, then took them to a small cargo hold that had been converted to a hangar for some oversized, modified Dreads. He nodded to Jura, already there with her flight suit laid out on the deck. He glanced at her red Dread and Meia’s silver one, and away from the empty space where a blue one should be…

Barnette walked in before he could get too maudlin, wearing her suit, carrying her tool kit and demon-face helmet. “Hi, Jura, Hibiki. Meia should be here in a few minutes, and we can get started.” She looked at the vacant space, then at Hibiki. “Maybe we should do this in the Vanguard bay instead.”

Jura looked too, and said quietly, “Does kind of bring it home, huh? We all wish she was here.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s okay. This is the most logical place.” He smiled at Barnette, already feeling better.

She gave him a reassuring smile in return. He and Jura helped her take her suit off, they laid it out beside his and she opened her tool kit, checking to make sure everything was in place.

None of them said anything more. Hibiki kept his eyes on Barnette. He wanted more, wanted to touch her, hold her, have her kiss away the emptiness, but they couldn’t do that publicly, and definitely not in front of Jura. Her presence, and her smile, would have to suffice for now.

It shouldn’t be this way much longer. In a few days Barnette would talk to Jura, allowing them to be together openly. That might not be so good for Jura, but keeping the truth from her was worse. What would everyone else think when they found out? He decided it didn’t make much difference. He hoped that their friends would accept them, but they didn’t need anybody’s permission.

They were just starting to get bored when Meia came in to complete their suit-servicing conclave. “Good morning. Give me just a minute to get ready.”

“Hi, Meia.” “Morning Meia.” “Hi, Meia.” She pulled her suit out of its locker and laid it beside Barnette’s.

Their flight suits were incredibly complex life-support systems designed to keep the pilot alive, comfortable and mission-capable in extreme environments ranging from vacuum to water to poisonous atmospheres, cryogenic cold to oven heat, and were resistant to radiation and light weapons fire. They had a versatile medium-range communicator and a powerful emergency short-pulse transmitter. They were self-sealing against most damage, and there were multiple places where the arms and legs could automatically constrict to form tourniquets, in case of serious wounds to the extremities. There was a drug pack with injectors to relieve pain, reduce shock, counteract nausea, cause or prevent unconsciousness, and as a final contingency, guarded by multiple safety interlocks, provide a painless death. All of the suit’s systems had to be tested, serviced and maintained regularly to ensure that they worked when needed, every time, all the time. Your suit was your life.

They set to work. Hibiki was quiet again, feeling self-conscious and a little guilty working between Barnette and Jura. Meia and Jura just put it down to him missing Dita, brought up a notch by the empty Dread cradle behind them. They didn’t exactly ignore his mood, or try to cheer him up, just kept their talk light and friendly, along with the ‘business conversation’ about their suits. Within half an hour they had all relaxed into the familiar routine, cross-checking each other’s work as they went.

They took their time and finished a little after 1100. Meia and Jura stowed their suits in their lockers here in the Dread hangar next to the empty one that still bore its LTJG LIEBELY, D. nameplate before leaving, Meia to catch up on her never-ending Flight Commander duties, Jura to grab some early chow before her watch. She’d be back soon to get her flight suit out again and put it on.

They watched them go, then Barnette turned to him with a conspiratorial grin. “She’ll be on watch until 1600. Want to come to my room after lunch?”

Hibiki’s face went blank. Barnette’s smile slipped, but he recovered and said, “Uh, yeah, sure.” He added after another few seconds, “That would be nice.”

She waited for more, but he picked up his tool kit and started gathering his suit. She collected hers and followed him out the door. They started in opposite directions, he to the Vanguard bay, she to the lockers outside the port Dread bays. He called back, “I’ll see you at lunch, Barnette.”

She only had time to say, “See you there, Hibiki.” _What just happened?_

* * *

Hibiki was already sitting across from Meia when Barnette walked over and sat beside him. “Hi, Meia, Hibiki.” She’d taken a shower after four hours in her flight suit, and her hair was still damp. He caught a trace of the same perfume she’d worn two nights ago.

They both smiled at her. “Hi, Barnette.” Hibiki seemed to be back to normal.

“Hi, Barnette.” Meia’s smile looked thoughtful. “We’ve all got the rest of the day off. Have you got any plans?”

She replied cautiously, “I’m going to chill out, and rest. You?”

Hibiki nodded quickly, and Meia chuckled. “I’m going to use a couple of my hours at the spa. A massage and a nice long soak sound real good right now.”

Barnette grew wistful. “I might do that too, later.” She looked at Hibiki. “You should try it. You’d be amazed how relaxing it is.”

“I don’t know…” He was dubious. He’d passed by the spa a few times when he ventured into the women’s part of the ship, and gotten the Evil Eye from most of them, including the Barnette of years past.

Barnette remembered that too, with a trace of guilt. If she had only known what she was missing… She turned to Meia. “You know, I don’t think _any_ of the men have ever been to the spa, and that’s not fair. We should do something about that. I know a lot of us are still uncomfortable just having them on board, and being naked in the same room would be more than they could handle, but there has to be some way we can accommodate everybody.”

Hibiki still looked dubious, but a little interested. Meia said thoughtfully, “Maybe there’s some way we can divide it…”

Barnette was thinking, too. “That one hot tub on the starboard side is kind of off by itself, anyway. There’s room for a couple of massage tables, and if Gascogne and her people put a shower and sauna beside it, you’d have a complete mini-spa.”

Meia was still thinking. “We wouldn’t want to wall it off completely. We’re trying to bring everybody together, not keep them separate. We can put in a room divider, high enough that nobody can see over it but still open at the top.” She chuckled. “Curiosity will be our ally.”

Barnette gave them both a slightly diabolical grin. “Especially if we don’t make it men-only. Make it clear from the beginning that both men and women can use that part of the spa. Anybody who can get over their anxieties is welcome.”

Hibiki was having anxieties. He was comfortable with Barnette, but he didn’t like the idea of other women seeing him naked. Well…Meia might be okay. Jura, not so much. The rest — he just didn’t know. He would have to do a lot of thinking.

Meia said decisively, “I’ll be talking to BC this afternoon anyway. I’ll see what she thinks of the idea.”

Barnette had been thinking, too. “I think she’d be in favor of it. If the Captain agrees, we could make the modifications in less than a week. Then…we’ll just see what happens.”

Hibiki chuckled nervously. “Probably nothing, for a while at least.”

Barnette gave him a much more diabolical grin. “Maybe you can be the first.”

He said quickly, “And maybe not.”

Barnette laughed. “I’ll bet I could get you in there, with a little help from Meia.”

He looked at Meia appealingly. “I would hope she’d help me, instead.”

Both women laughed, and Barnette said, “If you go voluntarily, we won’t have to find out!”

Meia looked up, and they heard a woman’s voice. “Do you mind if we join you?”

Hibiki craned his head back to see Karl Brody and Vonna Riesen standing behind him. He laughed, “Aha, reinforcements! Have a seat.”

Meia and Barnette nodded to them as Karl sat beside Hibiki and Vonna took the seat across from him, next to Meia.

Barnette snickered. “You’re still outnumbered.”

Hibiki smiled wisely and raised two fingers. “Ah, but we still don’t know which way Meia will go. Either way, three to two is better than two to one.”

Vonna looked at them nervously. Barnette chuckled and reassured her, “All in fun. We’re just deciding if Meia will help me drag Hibiki to the spa. For his own good, of course!”

Vonna didn’t look reassured. Meia told them, “I’m going to talk to Commander Calessa about setting up part of the spa for the men, and any women who want to join them. It will be completely voluntary, for everybody.”

Barnette looked at her accusingly. “So you _would_ be on his side.”

Meia put on an innocent smile. “I wouldn’t help drag him there against his will.”

Now Barnette looked crafty. “But you’re not saying you’d stop me, either.”

Meia looked even more innocent. “You’re both my friends. I wouldn’t want to interfere.”

Barnette eyed Hibiki speculatively. “I think I could get him there, at least. Getting him stripped down and in the tub might not be so easy, though. Depending on how much he struggles.”

Meia was laughing now, and even Hibiki was chuckling. “Hey, I haven’t forgotten _everything_ from that combat training. I’d struggle a _lot!”_

All three of them laughed, Vonna looked shocked, and Karl looked apprehensive. Barnette put her arm around Hibiki’s shoulders and leaned against him. “Like I said, all in fun. I wouldn’t actually drag him down to the spa and strip him naked.” She let go of him and sat up straight. “Probably not, anyway.”

Lieutenant Brody said hesitantly, “But, wouldn’t that be harassment? Ma’am?”

Suddenly Barnette was serious. “If we weren’t friends, it would be. Even saying it might be.” She turned to Hibiki. “Do you feel harassed?”

He chuckled. “Uh, no. Like you said, it’s just in fun.”

“Were you afraid I might really do it?”

He started to chuckle again, then sobered and said, “Well, no. Not if it stopped being a joke.”

She smiled at him, then turned back to Karl and Vonna. “He’s right. I might make fun of him, and embarrass the hell out of him, but we’d never do anything to hurt each other, and we both know that. The same with Meia, and Jura, and our other friends.”

They both looked extremely skeptical and Vonna said, “But if…if you made him mad…how do you know he wouldn’t…”

Barnette looked at her intensely. “Women and men should not be afraid of each other. That’s what you two are supposed to be working on, and what we’re trying to do with the spa — undoing the damage the Firsts have done. They’ve been lying to us all our lives, instilling that fear, and what they’ve done to us is wrong, and unnatural. We’ve seen the proof of that on other planets.”

Vonna looked thoughtful and didn’t say anything. Meia asked her, “Are you afraid of Lieutenant Brody?”

Now she looked surprised. “No, ma’am.” She smiled at him, a little shyly. “He’s been nice to me.”

Meia smiled, too. “We’re all glad to hear that.” She looked across at Brody. “What do you think of your experiment so far?”

He considered the question. “Well, we’re just getting started, but Ens- Vonna’s been nice to me, too. She told me a few things about life on Mejere and it’s…really different.”

Meia said, “That’s good. Have you read any of that material we talked about last night?”

Vonna answered, “We started on it.” She nibbled her lip nervously. “We stayed away from the, um…”

“The parts about sex?” Meia finished for her.

“Yes, ma’am.”

Meia nodded. “That’s probably best. I don’t think starting with sex would be a good idea.”

Barnette chuckled and bumped Hibiki’s knee with hers under the table. He choked slightly and looked embarrassed. Meia looked at him. “Did you have something to add, Commander?”

He shook his head. “Uh, no, Meia. I think you’re giving them good advice.” Barnette bumped his knee again and grinned. He bumped hers back with a grimace.

Karl was puzzled. “You said you’re going to make part of the spa for men and women. The rest will be for the women only?”

Meia nodded. “That’s right.”

Now he sounded a little resentful. “But no part only for men?”

She shook her head. “The spa’s not really big enough to divide into three sections.”

Barnette added, “The layout doesn’t work out that way, either.” She thought for a few seconds. “Providing three complete sets of redundant facilities while keeping them isolated would eat up too much space. We’d have to take one hot tub out completely, and move at least one other one. Re-plumbing would be a nightmare. Not remotely practical.” She smiled at Meia and Hibiki’s impressed looks. “I learned a few things while I was subbing for Miss Gasco. Plus, we’re trying to bring men and women together, not keep them apart, so it would be counter-productive, too.”

Meia nodded again. “We’ll eventually want to transition the whole spa to…mixed company, so making changes we’d have to undo later would be a further waste.”

Vonna looked back and forth at Barnette and Meia. “So, um, when are you going to do it?”

Meia made a dismissive gesture with her fork. “Right now we’re just talking about it. I haven’t even asked the XO yet, and we’d have to get the Captain’s approval too.”

Barnette tilted her head. “True, but I think the chances are pretty good. It’s a sensible proposal.”

Meia nodded. “I think so, too. We’ll just have to see.”

Barnette laughed and looked at Hibiki. “Well, if we do make those changes, somebody will have to go first. I think it should be the three men who’ve been here the longest.”

They all looked at Hibiki and he looked at Meia nervously. “Hey, now, completely voluntary, remember? You said that!”

Barnette returned a wide-eyed, virtuous look. “I’m sure Meia would understand if a few people were…encouraged to volunteer.”

Hibiki pointed at her and turned to Karl. “Maybe they’re right on Taraak. Women are scary.” They all laughed, and she bumped his knee again as the food reclaimed their attention.

* * *

Barnette’s quarters were in the portion of the Nirvana that had once been a pirate cruiser. They made sure no one was about, then hastened down the passageways. Hibiki didn’t know what to expect as she opened the door and led him inside.

Barnette’s room was nothing like his. It was about the same size, but the character, the feel, the _mood_ was completely different. The walls were a warm peach color, the ceiling a soothing off-white, and the floor was covered with a dense tan carpet. Across the end, taking up the room’s entire two-meter-plus width, was a bed — definitely a _bed_, despite being attached to the wall — that looked almost twice as wide as his bunk, with a much thicker mattress and two large pillows. Waist-high cabinets with off-white door and drawer fronts lined the right wall, and a second row started just below shoulder height and extended over the bed. Light spilled across the ceiling from above them. There was a large mirror between the two rows of cabinets, and closing the door revealed a tall locker on the left side for hanging garments. Above the bed were pictures of Jura and several other Dread pilots, and a large one of a younger Barnette and two women, evidently her ‘Fama’ and ‘Ohma’. Even the air had a slight, spicy scent. Such were the amenities for senior officers in the women’s part of the ship.

His room looked like a prison cell by comparison. Walls, ceiling and lockers were all the same grim gray, the floor a dull green. Light came from a stark overhead fixture, and the bunk was a metal shelf less than a meter wide on the right wall, with a thin mattress and pillow. He’d spent most of his first year aboard in an actual prison cell and hadn’t really noticed the difference when he moved, aside from the absence of a sink and toilet. Taraak equipage was designed for efficiency, with little concern for comfort; after all, it would keep them tough and aggressive, would it not?

He felt a sudden conviction that while it hadn’t _caused_ his despondency over the past three years, the dismal abode had surely contributed. Her room lifted his spirits almost as much as Barnette herself; it would be hard to feel morose in such a cheery place.

Barnette turned from shutting the door and slipped her arms around him. “Welcome to my quarters, Hibiki.”

He was still taking it all in. “Wow, this is…”

“A lot different from your room, right? The first time I went in there, I thought I was in jail!” She squeezed him tight and chuckled. “But I wouldn’t mind being locked up with you.”

He chuckled too. “Yeah, but I’m sure it’d get old after a while. Five, six weeks, we’d want out.”

She laughed and kissed him. He returned her embrace, and her kiss. Their surroundings ceased to matter for a while. When they emerged, Barnette posed the question she’d been waiting over an hour to ask. “Why did you get that funny look when I invited you to my room?”

He got the same look again, and it took him several seconds to answer. “Just…remembering. Dita invited me to her room, but I kept avoiding her, and making excuses, and then…” He shook his head. “Not making _that_ mistake again, anyway.”

“Oh, Hibiki.” She held him close. “I didn’t think. I knew about it, too. You’ve never been in a woman’s room?”

“Uh, no. She was the only one to ever ask, until you.” He tried to chuckle. “Were you ever in a man’s room, before mine?”

She made a much better chuckle and slapped his ass playfully. “_No_. I never wanted to, before. Just you,” her voice turned lower and softer, “lover.”

He didn’t have a response for that, at least not one he could bring himself to say. He kissed her instead, which seemed to be a good enough reply. She backed him toward her bed until his legs hit the edge and they fell across it. He threw his arms back reflexively, but instead of hitting the wall his head landed on the pillows and bounced slightly; her bed was every bit as soft as it looked. He reached up and squeezed her breast, and she moaned and kissed him again.

After a time she climbed off him, stood up and unbuttoned her blouse, smiling. He sat up, pulled off his boots and started removing his own clothes. She chuckled and said quietly, “See? It’s not so hard, taking your clothes off in front of a woman!”

He turned a little red. “It…it’s different with you. You’re…”

She stopped taking her shorts off and smiled at him. “I’m…what? Come on, tell me, Hibiki.”

He turned a lot red as she continued to look expectantly at him. He knew there wasn’t any way out of this and finally managed to force out, “You’re my, my…” he took a deep breath and whispered, “…my lover.”

She smiled ecstatically and resumed undressing. “That’s right, Hibiki. I’m your lover, and you’re my lover.” She finished, slipped past him and lay on her bed. “Now come here and make your lover happy.” He turned and joined her on the bed. She gasped as he entered her, then put her fingers on his lips. “We’ll have to be very quiet. Sound carries in this part of the ship.”

Now that she brought it to his attention, he realized that the ever-present background noise he heard in his quarters, a low humming and rumbling, was absent. Most of it came from the air and water recycling equipment, and Barnette’s quarters were much farther from Environmental. He nodded, then she pulled him down for a kiss and moaned loudly into his mouth. Hardly any sound escaped.

* * *

Hibiki lay beside Barnette in her soft, wide bed, with enough room for both of them to relax comfortably, and ran his fingertips lightly over her body. She shivered and giggled, and idly rubbed his stomach. “You really should go to the spa. I think you’d like it.”

He groaned under his breath. “What’s so great about it?”

She patted him lightly. “Have you ever had a massage?”

“I don’t know what that is, so I don’t think so.”

Her hand stopped, and a few seconds later she said decisively, “Turn over.”

“Huh?”

“Turn over. I’m going to show you.”

She sat up, pulled on his arm and got him lying on his stomach, then turned and sat astride him on his lower back. “Put a pillow under your chin, and relax.” She started digging her fingers into his shoulder and neck muscles.

After a minute he did relax. “Ummmm… Hey, Barnette. That feels really good.”

She worked her way down his spine. “See, I told you. This won’t be any sort of _great_ massage, ‘cause I don’t have any real training, but the basics are pretty simple.”

“Mmmmmm, it’s good enough for me.” She continued up and down his back and around his neck with her hands, fingers and knuckles, thumped a few spots with her fists, and gradually slid downward until she ended with his feet. He felt wonderfully relaxed, and a number of minor aches he had grown used to were gone. “Wow, Barnette, that was amazing.” His voice dropped almost to a whisper. “_You’re_ amazing.”

She chuckled. “Well, it’s not bad for a half-assed massage from an untrained amateur. Now it’s your turn. Get up and do me.”

He was confused. “What? But, I don’t know how.”

She pulled on his arm. “So fake it, like I did. I told you, the basics are simple.” She let go. “Unless you don’t want to.”

He pushed, turned and sat up. “Uh, no, I, I want to. I just don’t think…it will be any good.”

She smiled and kissed him. “Just do your best. Think about making me feel good, put some caring into it, and you’ll do fine.”

She lay face-down with the pillow under her chin. “Put your hands on both sides of my neck.” When he did, she rolled her head slightly and moved her shoulders. “Feel the muscles. Use your fingers to work the tension out of them. Remember what I did, and try to do the same thing on me.”

Hesitantly, he stroked her neck and shoulders. She sighed and said, “That’s nice, but push harder, dear. You need to really dig into the deeper muscles. Don’t worry, you won’t hurt me.” He increased pressure, started to feel different textures under her skin and followed them. “Aaaaahhhhh, that’s better. You’re off to a good start.”

After a minute he encountered something new. “Hey, what’s this? It feels like there’s a, a long lump in there.”

He could hear a smile in her voice. “Congratulations, you found a tense muscle. Been bugging me all day. Work it, baby.” He ground his fingers, then his thumbs into the lump, following it from end to end and back again, until it softened up and he couldn’t find it any more. “Oooohhhh, that feels good. You’re doing great.” Gaining confidence, he explored the muscles in her shoulders, neck and back, guided by her little sounds and occasional words of encouragement, feeling her body in a whole new way. Remembering what she’d done, he worked his way down her legs to her feet.

Barnette rolled onto her side and looked up at him with a blissful smile. “Oh, Hibiki, that was sensational. You put a lot of caring into it, I could tell.” She cast her gaze down, then back up to his face, and giggled. “I guess you liked it, too.”

He was a little embarrassed. “Uh, well…”

She was still smiling. “I’m glad I excite you.” Her smile changed, and in a lower voice she said, “You excite me, too, lover.”

Hibiki was learning. He bent down and kissed her, and she responded fervently. He helped her roll and wiggle into the center of the bed, and she put her arms around him. He moved into her. “Ohhh, Barnette…”

She smiled but said, “Shhhh. Quiet, remember?”

He nodded and whispered, “Right. Quiet.”

* * *

They lay side by side again in Barnette’s nice, comfortable bed, lazily touching each other, practically floating after massages and sex. She sighed. “Mmmmmm. The only thing that could make this better is a nice soak in a hot tub.”

He chuckled. “Still trying to drag me to that spa.”

She grinned. “I’d much rather get you to go there yourself.” She paused, and added, “I’d want to go with you, though. We should probably wait until after we tell everybody about us.”

He sounded relieved. “Good idea.”

She rubbed her hand across his chest. “I wonder what they’ll think?”

He squeezed her breast. “I don’t know. I hope they’ll be happy for us, but even if they’re not…”

“You’re right. They can disapprove, but they can’t keep us apart.” She considered the matter, then laughed. “What will Vonna and Karl think?”

He joined her. “I don’t know. It will give them something to think about, for sure!”

She was still laughing. “I thought I’d die when Meia told them starting with sex was a bad idea! I think it worked out pretty well for us.”

Hibiki looked thoughtful. “But we didn’t, really. We’ve known each other four years.”

Barnette’s laughter died down. “Have we? How much did we really know about each other before Monday night? How much have we learned about each other since then?”

“Yeah, you’ve got a point.”

She continued thoughtfully, “I guess it depends on the people. I think what we’ve done has been right for us.”

He squeezed her again. “I think you’re right.” Neither of them felt a need to say anything more.

As they lay there enjoying the time before he had to leave, Hibiki became aware of something. He hadn’t been thinking about it, and hadn’t noticed when it happened, but there could be no denying it now.

The _feeling_ felt different today.

He couldn’t define _how_ it felt different, even to himself. It wasn’t stronger, it still didn’t have a direction, it didn’t seem to be telling him anything more about Dita than it ever had, but it was _definitely_ different. Trying to figure it out got him so distracted that Barnette had to shake him to remind him when it was time to go. He dressed, gave her a long, heartfelt kiss, and arranged to meet her for supper.

* * *

“Hi, Barnette, Meia, Jura.” Hibiki took his seat beside Barnette. He was still distracted, but for a different reason. The _feeling_ was back to its old self again. He hadn’t noticed when that happened, either. He only perceived the _feeling_ at all when he was still, and quiet, and thinking about it. He’d gone from Barnette’s quarters to his, and when he sat down to try and figure out what had changed, the change was gone. It was so far beyond frustrating he wanted to make up a new word. Almost two hours of thinking about it hadn’t produced any answers.

He didn’t contribute much to the dinner conversation, either. Barnette bumped his knee a few times, and he smiled at her and bumped back, but mostly he thought and ate, and finished first. He looked at his empty tray, then around the table. “Uh, I guess I’ll see you all later, then.” He smiled at Barnette. “Later?”

She smiled back, a little uncertainly. “Sure, later.”

He took his tray to the scullery and headed back toward his quarters. Barnette would be there soon. Maybe he would ask her about this. At least they could talk normally in his room, what with the noise—

The connection hit him out of nowhere. The feeling wasn’t different **today**, it was different **in Barnette’s room!** The former pirate ship formed the Nirvana’s keel, attached to the ventral aspect of the old Ikazuchi, where the crew quarters and cryo-suspension banks had been before the Firsts divided the colony ship. His quarters were more toward the top and stern, near the auxiliary engineering spaces, hence the noise from Environmental. Barnette’s quarters were much closer to Main Engineering.

Closer to the Pyxis.

He’d actually spent the last three years in a pretty small area of the Nirvana. His quarters, the Vanguard bay, the mess, the mens’ head, the simulator rooms, his office and the observation deck were all in the same general part of the ship, and pretty far from the Pyxis. The _feeling_ was different when he was outside the ship, too, but he’d always chalked that up to psychological factors related to actively searching for Dita.

He had someplace to go, _immediately!_

* * *

Here. Right here. Precisely on this spot, a little over four years ago, a Vanguard mechanic got knocked on his ass and a Dread pilot-trainee fell on top of him. He’d been freaked out, that Taraak third-class citizen, looking up at one of the abominable monsters he’d been taught to fear. He had thrown it off him and started to scramble away when it had made some strange noises that sounded almost like words, reached up, and grabbed at its grotesque head…

…and removed its demon-mask helmet to reveal a lovely face, bright blue eyes, long red hair, and a cheerful, friendly smile. Instead of attacking, or even threatening him, the outlandish apparition had exclaimed in a weirdly high-pitched, excited voice, _‘Wow, it’s a real alien!’_ It was unlike anything he had ever seen, or heard, and was not something he could have expected.

He’d fled anyway, more out of confusion than fear. He hadn’t known what a woman’s beauty was back then, only that he got strange feelings when he looked into that face. When the bizarre creature removed its bulky space suit, when he saw soft, enticing curves and long, shapely legs, the feelings got stronger, and his flight impulses grew with them.

Today’s Hibiki remembered that foolish, ignorant boy with a kind of amused tolerance. He took a few more steps, turned and looked up to his reason for coming here, looming before and above him.

Its basic shape was a forty-meter sphere atop a fifteen-meter column, but it was bedecked all about with plates and shelves and lattices of blue-glowing crystal in a complexity that defied the eye and baffled the brain. Trying to follow their shapes led to paradoxes and contradictions of perspective like an Escher drawing brought to life, as if three dimensions were insufficient to express its full existence. Closer examination revealed the blue light to be not a uniform glow but the area-sum of intricate scintillating patterns, brightening and dimming.

He got a sense of being in the presence of something vast and ancient and powerful like a quiescent god, yet benign, even sympathetic. Few people perceived this aspect; to his knowledge, only four. Three, now.

His hunch was right; the _feeling_ was definitely different here.

He focused on the crystal structure and asked, “Are you doing this, Pyxis? Are you making this feeling?”

He received no answer, but there was a sense of interest, that he had gotten its attention.

He tried again. “Is it real? Is she really out there? Do you even know, or are you just pushing me to keep looking for her on the off chance?”

He definitely had a part of its attention now, but there still didn’t seem to be any response. He wasn’t surprised; the Pyxis perceived time and space in ways very different from humans, making communication an iffy business. Their frames of reference didn’t align, only intersected at a few points. He concentrated, but there was still only the _feeling_ that Dita was out there somewhere.

_No, wait…_

There was something else. The _feeling_ was not really stronger here, but somehow closer, more detailed, as if aspects of it that had been hidden by distance were now revealed. One of those facets was a faint, unmistakable trace of Dita’s living presence. He didn’t know how he knew that, but there could be no doubt. He clutched at the railing, dizzy with a welter of emotions. _It was real!_ The Pyxis wasn’t just leading him on with a fantasy; Dita really was still alive!

Something was amiss, though. He could _feel_ her, he _knew_ she was Dita, but she didn’t feel _right_. She felt uncertain, incomplete, somehow _empty_, lost and confused. It was deeply unsettling.

He looked up again. “Okay, she’s out there, but where? How do I find her? Where do I look? And, what’s _wrong_ with her? Have you got _anything?”_

He got no answers. The _feeling_ provided no more information about direction or distance than it ever had.

He heaved a resigned sigh. “I get it. Even you don’t know.”

He stood gazing into that blue glow a little longer, then felt a hint of tears. “But, thanks. For what you can do. For letting me feel her, even a little. I _will_ find her, wherever she is.”

There was still no reply. He was disappointed, but not surprised. It was nearly impossible to communicate with the enigmatic entity. He turned and walked away, past the spot where his life had changed forever, back to his long search.

He didn’t really remember walking back to his quarters; almost nothing, in fact, until he found himself sitting on his bunk holding Dita’s picture and wondering where she could be. And — what could be wrong with her? What had happened to her in the long years she’d been gone?

_None of that matters! You’re alive, and I’m going to find you and bring you home to the Nirvana. We can deal with everything else once you’re here with us, and safe._

* * *

Barnette knocked and after a long wait heard, “Come in.”

Several people had told her about seeing Hibiki wander through the ship with a distracted expression, paying no attention to his surroundings or anybody he passed. Fione had joked that whatever she was doing for him, he needed another treatment. She’d managed to keep her reaction down to a forced chuckle. She opened the door and stepped inside, still gripping the handle.

Hibiki sat on his bunk, holding Dita’s picture and looking down at it, a pose she’d seen him in countless times. He’d been late to a few patrols and exercises, so Meia had started sending someone to remind him. She had been annoyed when it fell to her, but she’d caught him by surprise a few times, seen the loneliness and despair before he hid it away, and even though he was a man she’d felt sympathy. They all missed Dita, and knew how hard he was searching for her. That was the beginning of what she had come to feel for him.

Now she felt concern, mixed with resentment over his reversion to moping over that picture, and then irked with herself for resenting him when he clearly needed her.

She pushed aside all but the concern. “Hibiki, are you all right?”

He looked up at her and she was surprised to see excitement instead of gloom. “Dita’s alive!”

That cranked up the resentment, for sure. It took her a few seconds to shift gears, to even come up with a reply. “I know you’ve always believed that—“

“No, I _know_ she’s alive! I felt it!” he exclaimed. He still had that thrilled look on his face.

She felt something building up inside her. “What are you talking about?”

He was bubbling with enthusiasm. “I always had a _feeling_ she was out there, but I didn’t know why. Now I do. We’re connected somehow, through the Pyxis. When I’m in front of the Pyxis, it’s like Dita’s almost _there!”_

There was a tightness in her chest, as if the air had become too thick to breathe. “What makes you think that? H-how is that even possible?”

He was still looking in her direction but she was sure he was seeing somebody else. “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter! Now I _know_ I’m going to find Dita because I know she’s alive!”

This was all coming at her too fast, completely unexpected. She felt the rising pressure, felt her stomach knot up, felt something give way, heard herself cry out, “What about me? **_I’m_** alive!” She turned, fled from his room and slammed the door behind her.

Hibiki stared at the closed door, shocked out of his euphoria. What just happened? He’d been eager to share his good news with Barnette, and she had, she’d…

_You have to think about my feelings, too. And I have to think about yours._

Her words came back to him now, along with a guilty realization that he had ignored her feelings and, once again, thought only of himself. He remembered, now, her look of concern, her gentle smile, her words — _Hibiki, are you all right?_ — she must have thought his three-year depression had returned, been ready to comfort him…and then he started spouting off about knowing Dita was alive, and finding her. He hadn’t really _seen_ Barnette until she got his attention. _What about me? **I’m** alive!_

_**I** was excited. **I** was all fired up with eagerness because **I** felt something. I didn’t think about your feelings at all. I must have hurt you again. Oh, Barnette, I’m sorry._

He would have to go say that to her, not just in his head. He didn’t think running after her was the best plan, though. She had looked, and sounded, mighty pissed. It would probably be better to wait until she calmed down a little. Thinking about what he would say to her could help, too.

After fifteen minutes he hadn’t gotten much beyond ‘I’m sorry’ because everything else would depend on her reaction. He decided it was time to go find her, and at least tell her that much. She didn’t open her door, or even answer, and he was pretty sure she wasn’t inside. She wasn’t in the ready room, or the mess, and nobody had seen her recently. She wasn’t in the observation deck, either, and the view of hyperspace was as disturbing as ever. He wasn’t quite sure what to do now.

* * *

Barnette gazed out at the stars, trying to get her emotions under control. At least the tears had stopped; they were a pain to deal with in zero gravity, and a few still floated around her. She concentrated on the stars, the muted growl of her Dread’s engines, the security of her seat and restraining harness, even though those weren’t _quite_ right. She took another deep breath, shut her eyes tight, clenched every muscle in her body, then slowly relaxed and breathed out. It was working. She was beginning to think again.

She hadn’t been thinking at all when she bolted from Hibiki’s room, or as she ran through the ship seeking some sort of escape. She had begun to think, barely, when she ran here. For all the vastness around them, the Nirvana was an enclosed space and there were very few places a person could go to actually be alone, and be sure nobody would find her. Especially if they — _he_ — were looking for her. She continued to repeat her breathing and relaxing exercise.

When she finally felt calm, and in control, she went back over her short encounter with Hibiki. He had found something, or thought he had, some connection to Dita, through the Pyxis? She couldn’t say it was impossible; the Pyxis did a lot of strange things, like making wormhole jumps, and modifying Dreads and Vanguards so they could combine into much more powerful machines. None of them really understood the mysterious crystal core of the Nirvana, so some kind of low-level telepathy, even over interstellar distances, might not be that much of a stretch. It wouldn’t even be the first time; they had lost Hibiki, back when she considered him just ‘one of those horrible _men’_, and then Jura, Meia and Dita had all looked at the search plot and suddenly just _known_ exactly where he was.

This must be different, because only Hibiki felt it, and he’d been searching for three years and still had no clue where to look. Maybe it just meant she was much farther away? It would have to be an _awfully_ long way, though, because the Nirvana had traveled all over this part of the galaxy. Maybe there was some other reason. There was no way for her to know, so wondering about it was a waste of time.

Maybe he was just imagining it. That was a comforting thought, but not one that helped her. It was real _for him_ whether it truly existed or not. How would this affect him? Would he go back to his obsessive monomania, shutting everybody out? Would she lose him? The thought struck fear into her in a way that enemies trying to kill her never could, and on top of that was a helpless feeling of having no control. This must be what Hibiki felt, only ten times worse because he had actually _lost_ Dita. Searching for her must be his way of dealing with the fear, and trying to assert just a particle of control.

How could she deal with this?

_What do I want, and what am I going to do about it?_

That was all she could control. So, what _did_ she want?

_I want Hibiki. I don’t want to lose him. I want us to be together, as much as possible, for as long as possible. Whether he **feels** Dita, or doesn’t, whether he finds her, or not, I want to be with him._

She knew what she wanted, at least. Now, what was she going to do?

_I am going to find Hibiki, and show him how much I want him._

She took one last look at the stars, then started shutting down. Normal gravity returned, the engine sound cut off, and the canopy darkened and slid open. She looked up at the light gray ceiling with its cables, pipes and ducts as she unstrapped herself, then pulled in her knees, gripped the edges, snapped her legs up, twisted her body and pushed with her arms to flip out of the simulator and land on her feet beside it. She’d perfected that move a long time ago, and was always a little gratified when it impressed people.

Not that there was anybody here to impress at the moment. The Dread simulator room was empty except for her and the machines, and they didn’t look impressed. Oh, well, it was good practice. She closed the canopy with the external controls, walked over to the master console and made a log entry for her unscheduled use of Dread Simulator Number Eleven. She should have done that before getting in, but…

Apparently Hibiki hadn’t found her in here, and it wouldn’t matter if he had. She had locked the simulator with codes that only Meia, Gascogne or BC could override — and even if he had gone to them, she was pretty sure they wouldn’t have done it. Good thing, too, because if she’d been pulled out to face him any sooner, that would only have made the situation worse.

She was ready for him now, and she began to feel a warm anticipation as she reached his door and knocked. “Hibiki?” There was no answer, even when she waited, knocked and called again. She bit her lip, then cautiously opened the door and looked inside. Hibiki was not there, and the picture was back in its usual place.

She felt a rush of disappointment, but she had a hunch where she might find him.

* * *

Barnette found Hibiki right where she expected to, in the ship’s core gazing up at the Pyxis. She ran to him, grabbed him as he turned toward her, held him tight and kissed him hungrily, almost desperately. He quickly recovered from his surprise and returned the kiss in kind, pulling her against him, finding himself responding to her passion, and the touch of her body. She laughed into his mouth as she felt it, and rocked her hips against him. He reached down and squeezed her bottom, and she moaned and twisted in his arms.

She pulled back, breathing hard. “Take me to your room, Hibiki. Take me—“ She kissed him again.

It took them a little while to get untangled, and they managed not to run through the ship’s corridors.

Neither of them had noticed that the Pyxis was glowing a little brighter, its shimmering light patterns more active. They had roused its interest, a little.

* * *

Hibiki barely got the door closed before Barnette was on him. She held their lips together with one arm around his neck, pushing her tongue into his mouth, rubbing and squeezing his male parts through his pants with her other hand. She had never been this aggressive with him before, and he found himself both intimidated and inflamed with desire. While he hesitated, she reached for his hand, pulled it up and held it to her breast. Desire won as he squeezed her, and she moaned and dragged him toward the bunk. When they reached it, she released him long enough to shove her shorts and panties down together, then pulled him down on top of her as she fell onto it. They kissed again, and she reached for him…

After a short time, Barnette growled with frustration as she found that they couldn’t go any further. Hibiki still had all his clothes on, and her knees were trapped in her shorts. She felt embarrassed and exasperated as she let her head fall back onto the pillow, but when she saw the confused look on his face she burst out laughing.

She pulled at his pants. “Lousy planning, huh?”

He laughed too. “There was planning?”

She laughed harder. “N-not really. I just want you inside me right _now_.” She gave her head a resigned shake. “You’ll have to get off me.”

He tried to move. “You’ll have to let go.”

She pulled him down for another vigorous kiss, then pushed him away, sat up and unbuttoned her blouse as he pretty much fell off the bunk. He started fumbling with his pants, then changed his mind, sat on the floor and pulled his boots off. Now he could deal with the pants, if he could stop staring at Barnette taking off her bra. She caught him watching and gave him a very naughty smile as she slipped the straps down her arms, then giggled and tossed it on his head. It was warm and smelled like her. He laughed and shook it off as he struggled out of his shirt and pants, while she finished getting hers off. With both of them finally free, she held her arms out as he returned to her. She moaned again as he felt her soft warmth surround him, then wrapped her legs around his and pulled him into her.

* * *

They lay side by side in the cramped bunk again, winding down from their sexual high, starting to remember the chain of events that had led them here. They both grew still and subdued, then spoke at almost the same time. “I’m sorry, Barnette.” “I’m sorry, Hibiki.”

They both smiled, relieved. They weren’t going to fight over who was at fault; they were both willing to admit their mistakes. Barnette said, “Tell me what happened, Hibiki. I won’t overreact this time.”

He composed his thoughts and tried to organize what he wanted to say. “I’ve got a _feeling_ that Dita is out there somewhere, lost.” He looked at Barnette, and she nodded. “I’m not sure when it started. I first noticed it about three weeks after she…went missing. I asked Meia, and Jura, but they didn’t _feel_ anything. They still don’t. And it’s—“ he frowned and clenched his fist, the one on the far side from Barnette “—it’s not _useful_. It doesn’t tell me where she is, or where to look for her. Not even if I’m getting closer, or farther away. It’s just been…_pushing_ at me, for three years.”

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and opened them again. “Today after…the second time, when we were relaxing before I had to leave, I noticed the _feeling_ was different. Not stronger, or showing me anything new, just…different. But by the time I got to my room, it was back to the same again.”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about it, though. You maybe noticed I wasn’t all there at supper?” He looked at her again, and she chuckled and nodded. “So just as I was heading back to my room to think about it some more, I had an idea. It wasn’t _when_, it was _where_. It _felt_ different because your room is closer to the Pyxis than I’ve been in the whole three years since Dita disappeared.”

Barnette interrupted for the first time. “So you went straight to the most logical place.”

“Uh-huh. And standing there in front of the Pyxis, the _feeling_ was a lot different, and…Dita was _in_ it. I _felt_ her, for real, for the first time in three years I _knew_ she was really alive, just lost, and, well, I kind of got carried away. I wasn’t thinking about anything else for a while. I wasn’t thinking about your feelings. I’m sorry, Barnette.”

She reached down, worked her fingers between his and squeezed his hand. “I forgive you, Hibiki.” He smiled in profound relief and squeezed back, but couldn’t say anything. She said quietly, “I was surprised. I thought you were…feeling depressed again, I wanted to help you, and then you started talking about…Dita. I had…feelings I’m not proud of, anger and jealousy and…well, I already told you, I overreacted. I wasn’t thinking about your feelings right then, either. I’m sorry, Hibiki.”

He squeezed her hand again. “I forgive you, Barnette.”

She squeezed back, then suddenly rolled half on top of him and kissed him, not with desire but for reassurance. He put his other arm around her and returned the kiss as she slowly relaxed. She rolled back, laid her head on his shoulder and whispered, “I’m so glad that’s over. I felt just awful the whole time. Let’s not do that again.”

He squeezed her hand again. “I’ll try. I felt pretty bad, too.”

“Mmmmm.” She put her head back on the pillow beside his. After a few minutes she asked cautiously, “You really think what you’re feeling is Dita?”

“I’m sure of it.” He looked at her. “She’s in trouble, though. She doesn’t feel _right_. There’s something wrong with her, like something’s changed.”

“Changed? Like, how?”

“I don’t know. It’s a feeling. It doesn’t come with definitions.” He felt his frustration creeping up again.

She considered that. “Maybe it’s because she’s so far away, it’s not coming in clearly.”

He shook his head. “That’s not what it _feels_ like, though. It’s like I’m feeling everything that’s there, but part of her is just…_not her_. Not like the Dita I remember.” He growled. “I’m doing my best, but it’s really hard to put into words.”

She squeezed his hand. “That’s right, you’re doing your best. You’re doing everything you can, and if that’s not enough to beat all the shit the universe can throw at you, it’s not your fault. Don’t let it make you bitter.”

He grimaced at her. “I’m trying. It’s just…”

“It’s frustrating, right? All questions, no answers, all problems, no solutions?”

“Right! Exactly! I want…I need, to do **some**thing.”

“Is there anything you can do now, right now, to find her?”

He thought about that for a while, then frowned. “No. Not a damn thing.”

“When will you be able to do something…effective? Or even possibly effective?”

He thought some more. “Tuesday morning. When we get to the Maddalen System.”

She smiled at him. “Then the best thing for you to do now is relax. Clear your mind, and rest your body. Make yourself ready for that time, when you _can_ do something, instead of wasting your energy now, when you can’t.”

He looked at her with open admiration. “Barnette. Have I told you lately that you’re an amazing woman?”

She smiled brightly. “You can say that as many times as you want, my dear. It never gets old. And you can be pretty amazing yourself.”

“Barnette…” he shifted his head over and kissed her.

She returned it. “Mmmmmm.”

When the kiss ended, they both sighed contentedly, then chuckled about it. After a few minutes Hibiki said, “When I went to see the Pyxis I remembered, I was right there, on that first day.”

She said, guardedly, “That was where you met Dita, wasn’t it?”

He squeezed her hand. “Yeah, but mostly I was remembering myself. All the things I didn’t know back then, and all the things I thought I knew. We’ve all come a long, long way since then.”

She choked out a laugh. “Oh, hell! If I could have seen myself now, I would have screamed. I believed every horrible thing they ever told us about men. I was outraged that there were three of them on our ship.” She chuckled, embarrassed. “Remember when I threw you in the brig?”

Hibiki chuckled. “Back then I probably deserved it. I’m glad I’m not that me any more.”

Barnette gave him a long look and said softly, “I’m glad we’re both who we are today.”

He smiled. “Yeah, me too.”

They lay quietly until she sat up. “It’s time for me to go.” He made a disappointed sound as she started collecting her clothes. After a minute she grinned at him accusingly. “Where did you hide my bra?”

“I did not.”

She said suspiciously, “Then where is it?”

He thought back to their rather confused disrobing. “Maybe under my pants?”

She checked. “Yup, here it is.” She shook it at him. “You _did_ hide it!”

He grinned back. “Not on purpose!”

She laughed. “All right, I’ll take your word for it. This time.”

He watched her dress. She smiled at him, added a few extra wiggles and twists, and giggled at his expressions. She finished, bent down and gave him a long, affectionate kiss. “Good night, Hibiki.”

He smiled up at her. “Good night, Barnette. I’ll see you at breakfast.”

She returned it. “See you at breakfast.”

As she opened the door he said, “Barnette?” She looked back. “Thank you for a really great day.”

She broke into the most delightful smile. “I had a great day too, Hibiki. Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear, I didn't know they were going to talk about the spa until Meia brought it up. Everything spa-related after that just kind of happened.


	7. Disclosures

Hibiki woke up and looked around. Dita’s picture was still in its usual place, and the _feeling_ was the same as always. He was restless to do **some**thing but Barnette’s good advice had reinforced his own conclusions; he had to wait, and continue his search for her when it was possible. Maybe they were right, the people who called it an obsession. Well, obsessed or not, he wasn’t about to give up. For now, breakfast with Barnette would be a fine start to the day.

He was early this morning, and most of the tables were empty. He took a seat in the middle of the room and started eating. Women exited the serving line, most looked at him curiously, a few nodded to him, but none greeted him, or sat with him. No doubt it was a legacy of his reclusive withdrawal up until a few days ago. He was ready for company, but they were still hesitant.

Jura reached the line’s end, saw him and walked over. He smiled, hiding his unease. “Hi, Jura.”

“Morning, Hibiki.” She gave him a friendly smile back and sat on the other side of the table. “How are you today?” She was clearly trying to make up for her thoughtless words from a few days ago, which made him feel more guilty. He couldn’t wait for this part to be over. No matter how Jura reacted, at least everything would be out in the open.

“Hanging in there, thanks.” He did his best to relax and act normal. “How ‘bout you?”

Jura smiled brilliantly and tossed her golden hair back with one hand. “Why, I’m just fabulous, of course!” Her hair nearly reached the deck when she was seated.

They both laughed, and he said, “Guess you are, at that.” Jura was the most beautiful woman on a ship full of beautiful women, and she knew it. His experiences with Barnette made him much more aware of how much sex appeal she put into her mannerisms. At one time it might have been deliberate, but after so long it had just become her nature, with nothing vain or mean about it. She didn’t make any effort to outshine the others, she just did.

When they saw him sitting and laughing with Jura, other women felt more comfortable approaching them. Soon four more were sitting with them, chatting about various things with Jura and each other, plus an occasional few words from him. There was a bit of underlying tension; in two days and just over an hour they would be dropping into a potentially hostile star system. They would relax today, make their preparations for battle tomorrow, and hope they wouldn’t be necessary.

Several Taraak crewmen came through the line in a group, looked at Hibiki, looked at Jura and the other women, and sat three tables away. Not much progress bringing men and women together this morning, by the look of it. He felt his face pull into a smile as Barnette stepped out of the serving line and sent him an answering one. She walked straight to their table and he said, “Hi, Barnette.”

“Good morning, Hibiki,” she nodded to the rest, “Jura, everybody.” She took the seat beside him as they all greeted her in turn, and picked up the conversation again. She joined in easily, and pulled Hibiki more into it as well. None of them had any idea what they might find at Maddalen, but talking helped calm their nerves.

They had nearly finished their breakfasts and Jura was looking at Barnette when she asked, “So, what are we all doing on our last day off?”

The other women gave noncommittal answers about kicking back and doing nothing. Barnette’s mouth turned down a little. “I’ll be on watch until noon. I have to get ready in about an hour.”

Jura returned a minor smile, maybe just a bit shady. “Well, I’ll see you at lunch, then.” She glanced at Hibiki. “And you?”

He’d already known Barnette would be on watch. The morning looked…empty. “There’s a bunch of stuff I have to catch up on. Write evals, reports on our sim runs, maintenance records…the fun just never ends. So I’ll be in my office.”

Jura chuckled. “You mean that closet? How can you stand it, the way they just stuffed you in there and called it an office?”

He shrugged. “It’s OK. It’s big enough for me and the computer, and it’s close to the Vanguard bay. That’s all it needs to be, right?”

Flight Leader Elden shook her head, mystified. He didn’t seem to be bothered by it at all. Losing Dita must have made him truly not care about anything else.

He finished first, said his good-byes, with a special little smile for Barnette, and made the trek to his office. He had to admit, it did kind of look like a closet. Not that it mattered; once he started working the walls were irrelevant as the computer became his universe, however big it needed to be. He’d spent thousands of hours here, managing Vanguard Group administration and analyzing his Dita-data. It had felt as much like home as anywhere until Barnette started visiting his quarters. He brought up the computer, gave a resigned sigh and started digging into his workload.

* * *

Something caught his attention, and Hibiki turned just in time to see Barnette slip into his office and shut the door behind her, grinning. She stood over him, almost touching, giggled and pulled his face between her breasts. “Hmf whmnd thrrrn ffwwg Brrnnnt?” he protested, or tried to. She let him pull away, bent down and kissed him. He soon surrendered and kissed back. They finished and she straightened up. “What the fuck, Barnette?” he chuckled.

She pouted and looked down at herself. “I thought you liked them.”

“Uh, yeah, I do. You just, um, surprised me, and, uh, well,“ he chuckled again, nervously, “you smell like the inside of a flight suit.”

“Oh.” She chuckled, too. “I forgot. After an hour or two you kind of don’t notice it. Sorry.”

“Not a problem.” He recovered more of his wits. “I’m, uh, glad to see you.”

She smiled. “Me too. Will you take me to lunch? Even if I smell like a flight suit?”

“Sure. Just give me a few minutes to finish this up.” He turned back to the computer, she stepped up behind him and sunk her fingers into his shoulders. “Aaaahhhh, Barnette, that feels good.” He worked the computer while she worked on him.

“There, all done.” He rolled his shoulders and neck. “Why do you keep saying you don’t know how to do that? You’re great.”

She shook her head. “I don’t have any training. Jura and I just used to give each other massages all the time.” She added, “Not so much lately, though.”

He asked, hesitantly, “Is that…because of me?”

“No, we’ve been drifting apart for a while. We go through phases like that, drifting apart for a month or two and then getting back together.” She sighed. “This time it’s different. This time it’ll be permanent. I’m staying with you.”

He tilted his head back and looked up at her. “That…that’s good. That’s great!” She smiled and kneaded his shoulders a little more. “Mmmm. So Jura’s the expert? She taught you?”

“No, she never had…well, she’s an expert at _getting_ massages! She told me when I was doing it wrong, so I figured out how to stop her complaining.”

He smiled up at her. “Well, _I_ think you’re great. Want to go to lunch?”

She chuckled. “Why Hibiki, I thought you’d never ask. I would be most pleased to go to lunch with you.”

There was some confusion as he tried to get out of his chair without crushing her against a wall, their arms just naturally went around each other and a kiss followed. They squeezed back far enough to open the door and popped out into the passageway rather like two seeds under pressure, laughing. No one was around to look at them suspiciously, and they made their way to the ship’s mess.

Jura waved as they finished at the serving line, and they joined her, Meia and three other women. Barnette sat across from Jura with Hibiki beside her, as usual. Jura wrinkled her nose after a few seconds; the smell of flight suits had never agreed with her. The others didn’t react to it as they all greeted each other, then picked up their existing conversation.

At the next pause in the talk, Jura looked at Barnette. “So, you’ve got the rest of the day off, right?”

She smiled and nodded. “That’s right.”

Jura grinned at her. “Well, it’s been a while since we’ve done anything together, so I booked us some range time this afternoon.”

Barnette glanced at Hibiki, but before she could try to make some excuse for not going, he smiled at the glamorous blonde. “Hey, that’s thoughtful of you.” He turned to Barnette. “Didn’t you say you wanted to get in some practice? I don’t think you’ve had a chance, as busy as we’ve all been.”

Barnette was taken by surprise, by both of them, but recovered quickly. “Sure, Jura, sounds like fun. What time?”

Jura smiled contentedly. “1315. Bring your laser and your ‘A’ game, ‘cause I put us down for an hour and a half.”

Barnette chuckled. “I’ll see you there, but an hour and a half? You must really like getting your ass kicked.”

Jura snorted indignantly, “Hah! In your dreams, babe. I’ll wipe the deck with you.”

Barnette gave her a look that was almost…feral. “Well, **some**body’s dreaming, that’s for sure.”

They both laughed, and Jura held her nose theatrically. “You _will_ take a shower first? You wouldn’t want that smell to give you an unfair advantage!”

“Of course! I won’t give you any excuses for your pitiful defeat!” They laughed harder, joined by the rest.

Hibiki watched their playful banter and felt…good. He’d miss Barnette, but they’d be together again in a few hours. She and Jura needed to reconnect a little. He noticed Meia looking at him curiously, and smiled at her. Talk turned to other subjects, and soon people started finishing their lunches and leaving the table, until only Barnette and Hibiki were left to finish their desserts.

She turned to him. “Are you really okay with this?” She didn’t have to say what ‘this’ was.

He put his hand on hers. “Of course. She’s still our friend. You two should go have some fun.”

She smiled. “If you’re sure. We’ve hardly seen each other all day, and now it will be hours more.”

He squeezed her hand. “I’m sure. It kind of…feels right. Does that make sense?”

She nodded. “Actually, it does. Now that I think about it, we’ve been kind of ignoring everybody else, like we were the only two people on the ship. We shouldn’t do that.”

He nodded right back at her. “That’s just what I meant, only I didn’t have the right words. We can’t ignore our friends.” He added, “Besides, if you did say no, what would you tell her?”

Barnette suddenly looked troubled. “Oh. I’d have to lie. No, that wouldn’t be good at all. Especially when it comes time to tell her…about us.” She dismissed that and asked, “But what will you do?”

Hibiki patted her hand. “I had a real boring morning and a big lunch. I want to go to my room and flake out for a couple hours.” He smiled and said suggestively, “You’re welcome to stop by later.”

She gave him a provocative smile back. “I will. _After_ I show Jura who’s the number-one sharpshooter on the Nirvana!” They finished their desserts, laughing.

* * *

Hibiki was surprised in his half-doze by a knock on his door. He checked the time and saw that sure enough, Barnette should still be at the range with Jura. Unless something was wrong…

He sat up, a little worried. “Come in.”

The door opened and he was surprised again to see Meia. She said, a little uncertainly, “Could I talk to you?”

He smiled in relief. “Sure, Meia, you can talk to me any time. Come on in and…” he waved vaguely at the foot end of his bunk, “…have a seat. Guess I’m not really set up for visitors. Maybe I should talk to Gascogne about a chair.”

She shut the door, took two steps and sat on the bunk, facing towards him. “This is fine.”

When she didn’t say anything more he said, “What did you want to talk about?”

She couldn’t think of any way to lead up to this, or break it down, so she asked simply, “What’s going on between you and Barnette?”

Hibiki froze, the blood drained out of his face until it looked almost blue, and it was a good thing he was sitting down. After an uncomfortable silence Meia said softly, “I think that answers my question.” He remained petrified as she observed, “Jura doesn’t know. There’s no way any of us could have missed _that_.”

When he hadn’t moved or spoken for another uneasy time she asked, concerned, “Hibiki, are you all right?”

He finally found his voice and defrosted it. Mostly. “Yeah. I, I’m okay. I just…I don’t…” his voice trailed off. Denials would be futile at this point.

She smiled a little. “I understand. You can’t say anything until you talk to Barnette.”

There was no reply he could make. He couldn’t agree without betraying Barnette’s trust, or disagree without lying to Meia, and a useless lie at that. He looked at her helplessly.

She tried to reassure him. “It’s all right, Hibiki. I won’t interfere, or tell you what to do. I won’t talk about this with anybody else. But if you and Barnette need someone to talk to, _any time_, I’m here. If you need advice, or help, I’ll do my best. Just remember that Jura’s my friend, too.”

He nodded mutely, and stole another look at the clock. Meia caught it. “You’re expecting her, aren’t you?”

He hesitated, then decided he could answer that one question without giving too much away. “Yeah. Not for a while, though.”

She gave him a much bigger smile. “I’d like to stay, but there’s not much we can talk about until you discuss this with Barnette, and I’m not a big fan of awkward silences. I’ll see you later, Hibiki.” She stood, walked to the door and opened it.

“Meia?” She stopped and looked back. “Thank you. For being such a good friend. To all of us.”

She blushed. “You— that’s not something you have to thank me for, Hibiki. You’re a good friend, too.”

He watched her until the door closed, then flopped down on his bunk. _Ain’t **this** a fine fuckup?_

* * *

Hibiki twitched at the knock on his door, even though he’d been expecting it. He sat up and scrubbed both hands over his face. “Come in.”

This time Barnette walked in, grinning hugely. He returned an only slightly lame smile. “I take it you won?”

“Of course.” She held a hand out and waggled it. “Could have gone either way for a while there, but I’ve got more stamina.” She sat close beside him. “Her mistake, making it an hour and a half.”

He was glad she was in such a good mood. It would make this a little easier. His thoughts had been going round and round since Meia left. He’d been faced with a similar problem, and had reached the same conclusion. Trying to dance around the issue, or put it off, would only make it worse. He faced Barnette, steeled himself, and dropped his bomb. “Barnette? Meia…knows. About us.”

Her face froze, much like his had, but she recovered faster. “What did you tell her?” she demanded.

“Nothing! She just asked, and…” he looked down, ashamed.

“And your famous un-poker-face gave everything away.”

He nodded without looking up. “Sorry, Barnette.”

Neither of them said anything for a long time, until Barnette took a deep breath and blew most of it out. “Well, it can’t be un-done.” She bumped her shoulder against his. “And I guess it’s not a terrible thing you’re so hopeless. Wouldn’t want you to be a _good_ liar!” He ground out a sort of affirmative grunt. She pondered a while longer. “Does anybody else know?”

“No!” Honesty forced him to add, “I don’t think so.” He hadn’t thought Meia knew, after all.

She put her hand on his leg and asked in a calmer voice, “What happened, Hibiki?”

He still didn’t look up. “She knocked and I said ‘come in’. She said she wanted to talk, I said sure, she sat on the bunk and asked what’s going on between you and me.”

“Just like that.”

“Yup.”

She didn’t say any more. Her grip on his leg tightened, her hand shook, and she made a couple of stifled noises before she gave in and broke down laughing. He looked up, confused, and she laughed harder. After she ran down a bit she choked out, “I wish I…could have seen…the look…on your face! Must have…been priceless!” She laughed some more. “Oh! I’ll ask Meia!” That set her off again.

He watched her, torn between relief that she wasn’t mad at him and annoyance that she was laughing at him. He decided it would be best to stick with relief. After a while he saw that it was kind of funny, and started chuckling along with her. That went on for a while, too. When it ended she inquired, “What else did you say?”

“Nothing. I couldn’t. Not without talking to you first.” He looked at her. “Meia knew that already.”

“I see.” Her smile was only a little forced. “You did the right thing. At least, you didn’t do anything wrong. This is not your fault.” She was telling herself that, as much as him, and it was working. Her lingering resentment faded.

“Thanks, Barnette. That helps, a lot.” His smile was weak, but not forced.

“This should help more.” She pulled him in and kissed him, and it did help. They both felt much better. When the kiss ended she asked, “Did Meia say anything else?”

“Yeah, she said she won’t interfere, or tell anybody. That we can talk to her, any time, and if we need advice she’ll do her best. As long as we remember she’s Jura’s friend too.” He looked at her seriously. “I told her she’s a good friend, to all of us.”

“That’s right, she is.” She thought a little longer. “Let’s go see her.”

That surprised him. “Now?”

“Why not? This is as good a time as any. We’re all off duty.” She stood up and looked down at him.

He considered the idea. “You’re right.” He stood up. “We should at least tell her something.”

He was opening the door when a thought struck her. “It’s a good thing she didn’t come here while we were having sex!”

He grimaced. “I think she…was aware of the, um…possibility.” At her questioning look he said, “She came to see me when she knew you’d be somewhere else.”

Barnette nodded slowly. “A good friend indeed, and smart too.”

He saw a crewman walking down the corridor away from him, and they waited until he was out of sight before setting off to look for Meia. They found her in the ready room, talking with the pilots on watch there. This would not be a good time, after all.

Hibiki smiled and called, “Hi, Meia!”

She looked up and returned the smile. “Hi, Hibiki, Barnette. Do you need something?” They could see that she understood…everything.

He nodded. “We’d like to talk to you. Will you be busy after supper?”

“No, after supper is fine. I’ll be happy to talk to you.”

He smiled and nodded again. “That’s great. Well…we’ll see you at supper, then.”

She returned the nod and smile. “See you there.”

They departed, and she returned to her conversation. Barnette looked both ways down the corridor and said, “Let’s go to my quarters.”

“Are you sure? It’s not…”

“Jura’s getting ready for watch. Besides, we’ll just be talking.” She gave him an inviting smile. “For a while, anyway.” He felt a surge of desire for her, and his eyes…strayed from her face. They avoided being noticed on the way, or going inside. They sat on her bed a short distance apart and he smiled, a little nervously. Barnette saw that he didn’t have a clue where to start, as usual. She didn’t mind; he had other qualities.

She sighed and shook her head. “It’s not so bad, really. We’re going to tell everybody in two days anyway.” She added a feeble smile. “Well, if somebody had to find out, at least it was Meia.”

“You’re right.” He gave her a horrified look. “Can you imagine if it was Fione?”

“Aaack!” She gave him one right back. “Don’t scare me like that!”

They looked at each other and started laughing. She spluttered, “Fione!” and they laughed harder. When they wound down again she said, “What did Meia think about…us?”

“I think she’s okay with it. A little surprised when she found out for sure, but that was all. We couldn’t really talk about it, because…”

“Mmm-hmm.” She gazed at him thoughtfully. “I think she will be okay with it. I wonder what the rest of the crew will think? Will they be okay with it, or against us?”

He chuckled uneasily. “You mean like back in the beginning?”

“Oh, don’t remind me! If something like this happened back then, most of us would have ganged up to throw you out an air lock.” She shot him a guilty glance. “With me in the lead. And we all would have been so, so wrong.”

He grimaced. “I wasn’t much better. We were all…what’s that word? Oh, yeah. Dysfunctional. Seriously dysfunctional, back then. None of us set any good examples. Except the Captain, and maybe Dita. I’m really glad it’s not like that any more.”

He got a pleasant feeling as she smiled at him and said, “That’s right, it’s not. We can learn, and change. We can correct our mistakes, and not be trapped in them forever.” She got a distant look. “If only the Earthers could learn that. But I think it’s too late for them. They’re headed for a dead end, and all we can do now is keep them from dragging the whole galaxy down with them.” She chuckled. “Kind of puts our little problems into perspective, doesn’t it?”

He grinned roguishly. “Yeah, but it’s Sunday. I think it’s our day off from saving the galaxy.” They both laughed at that, more at ease now. He grinned again and said, “So, did you and Jura have fun?”

Barnette smiled sunnily. “Oh, we had a great time. You were right, turning her down would have been a big mistake. We can’t just be wrapped up in each other, and forget everybody else.” She gave him a heated look. “Of course, we need our time, too.”

He decided that was a hint, and leaned towards her. She met him for a kiss. His hand fell on her thigh, and he marveled again at her smooth, soft skin. She answered him with a low moan. After a minute she pulled back, a little breathless, and said, “Will you help me with something?”

He nodded. “Of course, Barnette. Anything.”

She smiled. “Wait right there.” She stood up, turned, opened one of her upper cabinet doors, reached into the back, dug around and pulled out a squat jar decorated with a floral design. She closed it, handed him the jar and unbuttoned her blouse.

He looked at it, then at her. “What’s this?”

She said, “Tell you in a minute,” as she took off her bra and laid it on top of her blouse. She turned and stood in front of him with her breasts touching his face. “There, is this better? I don’t smell like a flight suit!”

He smiled up at her. “Hey, that was nice, I was just surprised. But this _is_ better.” He turned and took her nipple into his mouth.

She gasped, “Ohhh. Oh, yes. O—okay, you can stop now. Come on, that’s for later.” She stepped back, giggling. “That’s not what I want you to help me with, at least not yet.” She clambered around him and lay back on her bed. “Open the jar.”

He unscrewed the lid and a powerful rich, hot scent hit him in the face. He held it away, blinking. “What is that?”

“Cinnamon massage cream.” She smiled up at him. “I’ve been shooting all afternoon. My hands are tired, and a little sore. So will you help me?”

“Sure thing, what should I do?”

She held up her right hand. “It’s easy. Smear a little on the back of my hand and work it in. Massage my hand and fingers to get the soreness out, like we did yesterday. Then work your way up my arm, do the other one, and the rest of me. I’ll give you a massage after you’re done.”

He dipped his finger into the jar and rubbed some cream into her hand. “Hey, it’s hot!”

“Not really, it just seems hot because it stimulates the nerves. You’ll get used to it in a minute. It feels wonderful on my hand so keep going, dear.”

“Okay. This is…different.”

“Mmmmm, you’re doing great. Push a little harder into my palm, and get between the fingers a little. That’s it. Add a little more cream when you feel the heat die down. Aaaahhhh, that’s good.”

When he finished with her hands and arms she took her shorts and panties off and turned over. Her body was as he remembered her, but with the massage cream on his hands she felt slick and almost burning hot. She moaned and sighed with delight, and even her words of guidance and instruction were breathy and exciting. By the time he finished massaging her legs he felt almost ready to explode. He climbed off the bed with a little difficulty.

She turned over and smiled up at him. “I promised you a massage,” she reached out and squeezed his bulging pants, “but I think you’ve got something else on your mind. What do you want to do now?” He grinned and set the jar down beside her blouse. She smiled again. “I see. Well, I think the massage can wait a while…” She watched as he scrambled frantically out of his clothes and held out her arms as he joined her in bed.

His need was urgent, but he didn’t want to rush her so he started with a kiss. She returned it fiercely and met his impatience with her own, pulling insistently at his male parts. The massage had affected her, too. She muffled her moans against his mouth as she took him in.

* * *

They lay together in Barnette’s bed, satiated. Both the heat and the cinnamon smell had almost faded away. Hibiki recovered the curiosity to ask, “What’s in that stuff?”

She opened her eyes lazily. “I checked it out a couple of years ago. The base is just simple oils, emulsifiers and moisturizers, but the active ingredients are a vasodilator that causes capillaries to open up and raise the skin temperature a few degrees, a little salicylate, and some synthetic neurotransmitters and specific site-binding proteins that selectively target certain types of sensory nerves, causing a sensation of heat below the pain threshold. At least in the ones I use. Some people use other versions that _are_ painful, but I think they’re a little crazy. The neat trick is, it’s all formulated to break down within an hour or so after it’s spread on skin, including the scent.”

He chuckled, relieved. “Whew. I thought we were going to smell like cinnamon for a week!”

She frowned. “Hibiki dear, do you really think I’d do something that foolish, and now of all times?” Her tone was something between irritated and disappointed.

“Oh.” He felt a little guilty. “You’re right. Sorry, Barnette. Guess I didn’t think it through.”

She sighed and stroked his chest. “That’s all right. Most people say things without thinking.”

He reached over and dug his fingers into her neck and shoulder, feeling for the muscles. She turned her head a little to the side. “Mmmmm, that’s nice. All is forgiven.” He chuckled.

A few minutes later she stretched and kind of squeaked contentedly. “Ready for your massage now, lover?”

“Sure.” He looked at her. “But I thought your hands were tired.”

She held them up and turned them back and forth. “All better now, thanks to you.” She sat up, retrieved the jar, looked down at him and grinned devilishly. She dipped one finger, dabbed it on her tongue, bent down and kissed him. A cinnamon fireball ignited in his mouth when their tongues met and only the pillow kept him from jerking back in shock. After a few seconds he was glad it did; this was intoxicating, and he reveled in the feeling, eagerly returning her kiss.

When the heat and flavor faded she sat back up with a smile. “Turn over, and I’ll get started.”

He gave her a longing look. “C’n we do it again?” His words came out a trifle…blurred.

She chuckled but shook her head. “It wouldn’t be much good. The nerves need time to recover, like fifteen or twenty minutes. Maybe later.” At his slightly worried look she said, “It’s completely safe. It’s meant to be used that way. Sparingly, though.” She was familiar with its effects, so her speech was almost normal. She pulled at his shoulder and he turned over, placing a pillow under his chin as before.

Barnette applied cinnamon cream to his upper back, spread it to his shoulders and neck and worked it in thoroughly. He still had some tension left from Meia’s surprise visit and she worked that out, too. She moved slowly along his arms and down his back to his legs. She finished with his feet, screwed the lid back on, and announced, “Whoof!”

This added a whole new dimension to the pleasure of her massage. Hibiki felt like he was being baked in an oven with a hundred kilos of cinnamon, like he might melt down into a puddle of goo under her hands at any second. It felt glorious. When she finished, he rolled onto his back and gazed up at the green-haired beauty sitting beside him. “Wow, Barnette. That was…incredible.”

“You’re getting pretty good, too.” She smiled down at him. “Still want to try the kiss again? It’s been long enough.”

He grinned gleefully. “Yes Ma’am, may I have another?”

They both laughed as she opened the jar, extracted a bit of cream, recapped it and dropped it on the bed. She held her finger in front of his face and put it on his tongue when he presented it. She bent down and they shared another fiery kiss.

* * *

Barnette and Hibiki turned from the serving line, spotted the blue hair they sought, walked over and sat down across from her. “Hi, Meia.” “Evening, Meia.” They had the table to themselves for the moment.

They were a little late to supper. They had waited until almost 1830, touching, kissing and relaxing in Barnette’s bed, to be sure the cinnamon smell was gone. Any lingering traces could be explained away by saying Barnette used it to treat her tired arms. As long as they stayed close together, nobody would notice that most of it came from Hibiki.

Meia gave them a little smile. “Hi, Hibiki, Barnette.” She gazed at them speculatively, until they felt just a little uncomfortable. She noticed, and smiled again. “It’s good to see you.”

Hibiki said quickly, “It’s good to see you again, too, Meia.”

The conversation foundered once more at that point, all of them wanting to break the awkward silence but none of them knowing what to say. The topic on all their minds was the one thing they couldn’t discuss here. Instead, they gave up and devoted their attention to eating.

Three more Dread pilots came and sat with them to a medley of, “Hi Meia, Barnette…Hibiki.” Most people still weren’t used to seeing him out of his corner. They all nodded and greeted them in return. At least they banished the silence as they continued debating points of Dread tactics they’d been conversing about in line. Meia nodded sagely a couple of times, and Barnette grimaced and shook her head at one statement while Meia rolled her eyes. The other two were quick to correct her blunder; the speaker looked sheepish and sought to change the subject.

“Hey, Commander, I heard you and Jura had a regular showdown at the range today. Who won?”

“Me, of course.” Barnette looked smug. “But what’s this ‘Commander’ shit, Helda? We’re all off duty.”

“Habit, I guess. I haven’t been a pirate as long as you.” They all laughed, and she said, “So you’re still the Nirvana’s Laser Pistol Queen.”

“That’s right. She sure made me work for it, though.” Barnette laughed and held her arms up with her hands dangling limply. “I can barely hold a fork!”

Celise joked, “Maybe you should get Hibiki to feed you, until you recover!”

They all laughed uproariously but Barnette and Hibiki blushed and choked while Meia looked almost guilty. They forced out a few chuckles before the others suspected them of anything more than being embarrassed. The incident had broken the logjam, though, and Meia, Hibiki and Barnette found themselves able to join in their discourse on various subjects until they finished their meals, bid the three ladies good evening, and left the table.

After they dropped off their trays Meia asked, “Where can we talk?”

“My quarters?” Hibiki offered. Barnette nodded agreement, Meia dipped her head affirmatively and they started walking.

He opened the door, stepped inside and invited them in after him with a grand sweeping gesture worthy of the galaxy’s snootiest Maitre d’. Sometimes his nervousness manifested in…odd ways. There still wasn’t any place to sit but on the bunk. Barnette sat next to the table at the head end, Meia at the foot, and Hibiki shut the door and sat between them. The supports creaked, but Hibiki figured that if he and Barnette hadn’t broken it last night, it should stand up to just about anything. They looked at each other, a little uncertainly.

“Hibiki sucks at keeping secrets.” Barnette broke the ice, chuckling. “I think he’s the worst liar I’ve ever known. You can see right through him.”

He chuckled self-consciously, and Meia laughed. “I wouldn’t consider that a bad thing.”

“Maybe not, but it sure can be inconvenient sometimes.” She gave her blue-haired commander an ironic half-grin. “Like when somebody springs certain questions on him.”

She couldn’t pass up such a perfect lead-in. “Such as, ‘What’s going on between you two’?”

Hibiki coughed nervously, and Barnette snorted. “Hah. He said you didn’t waste any time.”

“It was the question I came here to ask, and I didn’t see any point in dithering.” She chuckled. “It did prove to be efficient.”

Barnette laughed with her, and even Hibiki nodded, acknowledging the hit. She looked at him, then back at Meia. “He didn’t have to say a word. You read it right off his face.” She giggled. “I wish I could have seen it.”

Meia stifled her own laugh and protested, “That’s not nice, Barnette.”

“I know, but still…”

Meia shook her head. “Well, I said I wouldn’t interfere.” She looked at both of them. “So, what _is_ going on between you two? I’ve guessed some, but I don’t really _know_ anything.” She added quickly, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Barnette said, “We want to.” She looked inquiringly at Hibiki.

He nodded. “We’re going to tell everybody anyway, you just kind of…got ahead of us. It’s sort of a relief, that you know.”

Barnette scooted over until she was pressed against Hibiki and put her arm around him. “Well, we’re together. A woman, and a man, like we’ve seen…everywhere else in the galaxy. It…kind of just happened. And we want to stay together.”

Hibiki put his arm around her, too, and nodded again. “We want to stay together. It just…it feels…right. And good.”

Meia eyed them both speculatively for a few seconds, then pronounced, “You had sex this afternoon, didn’t you?”

Hibiki froze again. Barnette felt it and hastily looked at his face, catching a panicked expression like someone watching an out-of-control spaceship about to crash into him. She started laughing, pointed at him and asked Meia, “Izzat…the one?”

Meia shook her head again, in amused resignation this time. “Something like that. Maybe, more surprise and less terror, though.”

Barnette couldn’t stop, even though she felt how tense he was. “I can’t help…it’s a _hoot!”_ When she settled down, she squeezed him tight. “I don’t mean to make fun of you, really I don’t. Sorry, dear.” Without thinking, she leaned in and kissed him.

He started to return her kiss, then remembered that Meia was _sitting right beside him_ and jerked away with another panicked look.

Barnette realized the same thing and looked up, abashed. “Oops. Forgot.”

Meia looked away uncomfortably. “Uhuh. That…answers questions…I wasn’t even asking.” They all sat speechless and uneasy until she asked, “What about Dita?”

Hibiki seized on the change of subject. “I’m still looking for her! I’m…it’s just…”

Barnette squeezed him again, comfortingly. “She’s been missing for three years and we still have no idea where she is, or even where to look. There’s been no progress at all, no way to guess how much longer it will take.” She gave Meia a challenging look. “He’s been carrying that load all alone for far too long. Now he’s not alone.”

“No, I’ve seen the changes. He’s been much better the last few days. That’s what got me wondering.” She frowned a little. “But what are you going to do if you find her?”

“We have agreed to deal with that when it happens.” Barnette kept her voice even. “There’s no way to know how long it will be, or how much she’s changed. We don’t have to be alone until then.”

“No, you’re right.” She reached up and tugged absently at her blue hair. “I can see how much you care about each other.” Her hand stilled, and she gave them a serious look. “But you haven’t told Jura. You’re going to tell her, right?”

Hibiki gave her a guilty look. “Of course we have to tell her, but Barnette doesn’t think this is a good time. I had to agree with her.”

Meia looked at her questioningly, and Barnette explained, “Day after tomorrow we drop into a foreign star system looking for the enemy. We’ve got no idea what we’re going to find, and…_anything_ might happen. We may have to fight a battle, against unknown odds. What if we need VanDread Jura to save our asses, and she’s so pissed off at him they can’t combine?”

“Oh.” Meia didn’t like it, but Flight Commander Gisborn couldn’t argue with her logic. The idea wasn’t even far-fetched. The Pyxis, and the VanDreads it had created, responded strongly to emotions. Negative emotions like fear, doubt and bitterness sapped its power leaving it, and them, weak and vulnerable. Anger and jealousy could very well disrupt the mysterious phenomenon that merged their battlecraft into their much more powerful forms, and a VanDread’s performance was heavily affected by its pilots’ state of mind. “But you _will_ tell her.”

“Of course I will. It won’t be easy, for either of us. We could wind up fighting.” She looked imploringly at Meia. “If that happens, please just let us finish it? Keep everybody away, and, and, let us…go?”

She nodded reluctantly. “If it happens. If you think that’s best.” She sighed, and lowered her hand. “You plan to tell her after we deal with Maddalen, then?”

Barnette nodded emphatically, and her green hair bobbed. “When we’re clear. When telling her won’t get people killed. Two days, at most.”

“That’s good. You probably can’t keep it secret much longer, anyway.” Meia nibbled her lip and asked, diffidently, “Is there anything you need, from me?”

They both gave her smiles of gratitude, and Hibiki said, “Thanks, Meia, but no, just talking to you has helped, a lot.”

“We know you’ll be there for us, when we tell everybody,” Barnette added. “Was there anything else you wanted to say?”

Meia was even more diffident. “Well…you never actually answered my question. You had sex?”

Barnette leaned against Hibiki and chuckled, maybe a mite defiantly. “We had _really good_ sex this afternoon. Didn’t we, lover?”

Hibiki’s face turned red and he looked like he wanted to sneak off and hide somewhere, but he nodded.

Meia now looked intensely self-conscious. “It…that wasn’t the first time, was it?”

Hibiki just turned redder, but Barnette seemed enthusiastic about sharing their experiences. “Oh, no, that was, hmm, at least eight, or…well, we’re not keeping _score!_ We have sex when we want to, which is most of the time when we can be together. And when we’re not together, I think about him.”

That prompted Hibiki to say, “I think about you, too.” She smiled and leaned against him.

“Nobody’s seen you, or…noticed you,” Meia mused. “Everybody’d be talking about it. That can’t be easy on board a ship.”

Hibiki made dour face. “We have to be careful. It’s one of the reasons we want to get this over with, and tell everybody. We’re tired of sneaking around.”

Barnette sniggered. “Especially with your face ready to spill the beans every time somebody asks the wrong question!” She looked at Meia. “I’m really glad it was you.”

Meia looked a little embarrassed at her praise and asked, hesitantly, “So, ah…where?”

“Sometimes in my room, but usually in here. We had sex right here on this bunk, last night.” Meia involuntarily glanced down at the blanket, and Barnette giggled. “We’re going to have sex here tonight.” She looked at Hibiki. “Unless you turn me down.”

“Wouldn’t do that,” he mumbled with a bashful smile.

“Good!” She grinned at him, then turned to Meia, suddenly serious. “So, what do you think? Now that you know, about us. About…everything.”

Meia started, “It’s going to cause a major commotion…”

She shook her head, flipping green hair around. “That’s not what I meant. What do _you_ think about us being together, Meia?”

She stopped, and tugged at her hair again, thoughtfully. “You’re two of my best friends. You look happy together, and that’s good enough for me. Just, try not to hurt Jura. She’s my friend, too.”

“I’ll do my best, but I don’t think we can avoid it. I’m sorry.” Barnette shook her head sadly. “I’m afraid we’ve put you in a terrible position. I’m sorry about that, too.”

Meia grimaced. “I asked the question. Everything else fell out from there. This is where it had to end up.”

Hibiki looked back and forth between them. “So, what do you think will happen when we tell…everybody?”

Barnette considered the question, then looked at Meia. “This isn’t four years ago. Back then something like this would have caused a riot! He’d be lynched, and maybe me too.” Her expression turned a little anxious. “But what about now? Are we ready for this? Can the others accept us, like you do? Have we learned enough?”

Meia shook her head helplessly. “I just don’t know. I guess we’ll have to find out in two days.”

Barnette looked at her lover. “Maybe we should have my Dread and your Vanguard prepped, just in case we need to make a quick getaway!” They both chuckled nervously, and Meia laughed with them.

They sat quietly for a while, a comfortable quiet, as they thought about what they’d discussed. Meia ended it. “What’s it…like? Sex, between a woman and a man?”

“Well, it’s…it’s great.” Barnette started off confidently, but kind stumbled to a stop.

Hibiki nodded emphatically. “Yeah! it’s really…really great,” he finished lamely.

Meia looked at Barnette incredulously. “It’s hard to believe you, of all people, can’t find the right words.”

Barnette said reflectively, “Words…are symbols. No matter what symbols I use to represent something, if you know nothing about it, they won’t convey any meaning. The only way to know about sex is to experience it. Without the experience, words are useless. If you know the experience, there’s no need for words.”

Meia considered that, and Hibiki put in, “It’s like, trying to tell somebody the flavor of an apple, if they never tasted one.”

Barnette grinned and said teasingly, “Or cinnamon massage cream?”

“Nnnf!” He made an embarrassed noise and turned red again.

Meia raised her eyes to the ceiling. “_Not_ gonna ask…”

He looked thankful for that, while Barnette chuckled. Meia’s attention was held by three of Dita’s little UFO toys. Hibiki had hung one up there every standard year on his lost love’s birthday, a small gesture of defiance against the universe that had taken her from him. Finding that out had brought tears to her eyes, and even now her throat grew tight before she returned her gaze to the…couple sitting beside her. They deserved whatever comfort and happiness they could find together. Nobody had any right to take that from them, and she would see to it they didn’t.

Hibiki saw her expression change and asked, “Something wrong, Meia?”

She shook her head. “No. Just…thinking.”

His face fell. “Thinking…we’re making a mistake?” She could see Barnette’s arm tighten around him.

“No!” she barked, startled. “Not that.“ What the hell had they seen in her face just then? “Thinking…you two have a chance to be happy together.” She tried to give them a reassuring smile. “You should have that chance.”

It worked. They both looked relieved, and Hibiki said, “Thanks, Meia.”

She looked…bashful. “You don’t have to thank me.”

“I know, but I want to.” He put his hand on hers. “We both want you to know how much we value you as a friend.”

“Yes, we do.” Barnette said, and added solemnly, “We know you’ll be there for Jura, too, when… She won’t want to see either one of us, after I tell her. She’ll need you.”

She turned to Hibiki. “I hope she forgives me eventually, but she _has_ to forgive you. We can’t be without VanDread Jura. I’ll tell her whatever I have to, take all the blame if it comes to that. You do everything you can to make up with her.”

“I’ll try.” He tightened his arm around her again. “Maybe I can help—“

“No! Don’t try to help. We can’t lose her VanDread.” She sighed. “She can be mad at me as long as she needs to be. Not at you.”

“I guess you’re right.” He shook his head. “But it won’t be easy. I’m…I want to help you. And Jura.”

She squeezed him back. “I know, and I appreciate it, but in this case you can’t. She’ll be pissed off at me no matter what. She doesn’t need to be pissed at anybody else.” She looked across him. “You too, Meia. Be there for her, and let her take it all out on me.”

Meia nodded reluctantly. “I understand. I’ll do my best.”

They fell quiet again, a little less comfortably than the last time. As before, Meia broke it. “What are your plans, after you tell everybody?”

Barnette chuckled. “Plans? That would imply that we know what we’re doing.”

“But, I thought _you_ knew,” Hibiki said, half-joking, and they all laughed.

“Not a clue.” she said cheerfully. “Nobody ever knows what tomorrow will be. We’ll just have to see what happens, and deal with it.” She gave him a glowing look. “Together.”

Meia looked at them speculatively. “I think…that might be the best answer.”

Barnette remembered something she’d heard on other planets. “Hey, this means you’re my boyfriend!”

“Um…yeah, I guess so,” he admitted bashfully.

When he didn’t say any more, she said encouragingly, “And that would mean I’m…” He still didn’t answer, just looked at her apprehensively. She gusted out a sigh. “Come on, boyfriend, you’re going to say it eventually, so you might as well do it now.” She giggled. “I promise it won’t hurt. _If_ you say it.”

Barnette watched him expectantly and Meia looked ill at ease. No help there. He whimpered a little at the knowledge that she wasn’t bluffing — she could keep at him all night if he held out. All right, it wouldn’t be _that_ hard, would it? A few words, and she’d be happy. She’d smile…

He chuckled nervously. “Uh, okay. You, um, you’re…my girlfriend, Barnette.”

She gave him a dazzling smile. ‘Yes, Hibiki! I’m your girlfriend!” She gave him a generous kiss, too.

He tried to squirm away, protesting, “Mmmmff, Meia’s—” but she persisted, laughing, as he tried to pull back.

She relented and looked at them. “What’s wrong, boyfriend? Don’t you like kissing me?” Hibiki was bright red and looked like he wanted to sink into the mattress, and Meia looked acutely uncomfortable. She sighed again. Hibiki’s embarrassment was something they’d have to work on, but… “What’s the matter, Meia? You’ve seen me kiss Jura before.”

That surprised her a little, and made her think. “I’m…not sure. This seems different, somehow. It’s…you’re right. It shouldn’t, but…” She shook her head. “I don’t know why I feel this way.”

Barnette pinched her lips together. “Hmmm. If it’s hard for you…this means a lot of women are going to have trouble with us, probably most of them.” She squeezed Hibiki. “How do you think the men will react?”

He was recovering, at least enough to address a more neutral subject. “I don’t know. I found out yesterday, I’ve been…out of touch. I hardly know those guys. They asked a lot of questions about women, but they had a lot of really wrong ideas about them — I mean, about you. I tried to set ‘em straight, but it wasn’t easy. I think…they might have a hard time. Dealing.”

Barnette chuckled again, with no humor at all this time. “Maybe we _will_ need that quick getaway.”

Meia looked concerned. “This is going to be a big change, for everybody. A lot of people don’t like change. They fight it. Sometimes literally.”

“You mean like I did?” she asked, her mood lightening. “Well, if they lock us both in the same cell together, I won’t complain _too_ much.”

“I didn’t mean it that way.” Meia looked just a bit guilty.“I wasn’t bringing that up again.”

Barnette sighed. “I’ll never live it down, so I might as well just laugh along.” She did laugh, a little. “As long as my boyfriend forgives me, I don’t care what anybody else says.” She looked at him, maybe a tiny bit apprehensively.

“I forgave you for that a long time ago,” he reassured her. “But…maybe you should hold off on the, um, boyfriend stuff, at least until you tell Jura.”

She thought, then nodded, conceding the point. “I guess so. One slip of the tongue…but it feels so _good_, saying it!”

“It’ll feel just as good in two days,” Meia said soothingly, then coughed out one laugh. “Think how I’d feel, keeping your secret, only to have you give it all away by accident!”

“Okay, okay, I get it. I have to wait a little longer.” Barnette thought for a few seconds. “But there’s something we _can_ do now.” She turned her attention back to Hibiki. “Do you like kissing me?”

“Uh, yeah, of course,” he said, surprised, self-conscious and just a little suspicious.

“Then will you do something for me?” She looked into his eyes and gave him her most persuasive smile. “Will you kiss me, right here, in front of Meia?”

“**What?!**” He was shocked, and panicked. “You want me to—“ He turned to Meia, who also looked shocked, then back. Barnette was still smiling. “Uhhh, uh, I, uh, I don’t know…”

Barnette was a little disappointed, but still smiling. “Well, at least you didn’t just yell **NO!**”

He didn’t have a reply. Meia had gotten over being shocked and looked thoughtful, but still a little troubled.

Barnette said to her, “You understand, don’t you?”

“Yes.” She nodded solemnly. “I see what you’re trying to do.”

He looked at her with an almost betrayed expression. “You mean you think it’s a good idea?”

She nodded again. “Actually, yes. Although this might be moving a bit too fast.”

He returned his attention to Barnette, stammering, “I…it’s just…I don’t…ummm…it’s not…”

She touched one finger to his lips and said soothingly, “It’s all right. Maybe some other time. I didn’t think it would upset you so much.”

Hibiki sighed, relieved and grateful. Meia was relieved, too. Barnette had to admit that even she felt some relief — maybe she wasn’t as ready as she thought, either. “But _why_ does it bother you? What harm would it do if our friend Meia saw us kissing?” She suppressed a laugh at his expression. “You don’t have to answer me, but think about it. You should at least have an answer for yourself.”

He did think about it, or tried to. It wasn’t easy. He seemed to want to avoid thinking about it. He leaned against Barnette. “I’ll try.” He was suddenly very aware of the woman sitting beside him, her arm around him, her body pressed against his, the evening ahead of them, and a tiny voice inside his head wailed helplessly, _Oh shit, not **now**_…

“So will I,” Meia said, and then noticed Hibiki’s discomfort. She looked at him, concerned, until a certain feature caught her attention and she turned away hastily, blushing. “Oh. I…” She giggled nervously, “I think…the girlfriend and boyfriend should be alone right now.”

“Meia?” Barnette asked, puzzled. “What are you…” and then looked down, saw what she meant and started laughing. “Why, Hibiki, what’s this? You didn’t want to kiss me, but…” She was laughing too hard to continue. He tried to hide his inconvenient condition with his free hand, too embarrassed to say a word. Meia stood up.

“Wait, Meia,” Barnette managed to get out. “You don’t have to leave. That doesn’t mean we’re going to have sex right this minute!”

Meia shook her head and ran a hand through her blue hair. “Thank you, Barnette, but that’s enough answers for one night.” Her face was still red. “I don’t think I’m ready for any more.”

“All right, if that’s how you feel.” Barnette was still chortling. “I’m glad we could talk,” she giggled, “and Hibiki apologizes for making you feel uncomfortable,” she shook him lightly, “don’t you, dear?”

He got his voice unstuck. “Uh, yeah, sorry Meia. I didn’t mean to…it, um, it, just happens sometimes.” He swallowed anxiously. “When I’m close to Barnette.”

“Why, Hibiki, what a…sweet thing to say.” She looked up at Meia again. “See why I like him?”

Meia’s face was getting, if anything, redder, and she started towards the door. “Good night, Barnette, Hibiki, and, um…” She couldn’t think of any way to continue.

“It’s been really nice talking to you,” Hibiki said with determination. “Night, Meia.”

“Good night, Meia.” Barnette was even more emphatic. “Don’t ever think your company is not welcome.”

Meia nodded, smiling uneasily, fumbled, opened the door, stepped outside and closed it. She stood there for a short time, until her face felt cooler, then set off for her quarters. She didn’t want anybody talking to her before she had a chance to settle her thoughts.

Barnette pushed her hand under his. “Well, you said you wouldn’t turn me down tonight.” She rubbed his man parts and giggled. “I guess you meant it!”

“Uhhhh, yeah…” he gasped. “That…feels good.”

“Mmmmm.” He was right, touching him did feel good. She squeezed him and asked, “Will you kiss me now?”

“Yeah, sure.” He looked a little guilty. “Sorry about, before, but…”

“It’s all right. I guess it was a pretty big surprise, and you weren’t ready.” She grinned. “I hope you’re ready for this!”

He did his best to return her kiss, putting everything she’d taught him into the effort. She responded similarly, and for a time there was nothing but each other, until she ended it and he reluctantly let her go. She smiled. “Mmmm, that’s really good.” She giggled. “Even without the cinnamon!”

“Now _that_ was a big surprise!” he said, chuckling.

“But a good one.” She smiled at the memory, then turned more serious. “You miss out on an awful lot if you don’t try new things. What if we’d never tried kissing, or sex?”

“Oh…” Hibiki thought about that, about not having Barnette in his life, and it was cold, and lonely, and _empty_. He clung to her. “I’m glad you did.”

She smiled again. “So am I. I’m glad I’m your girlfriend, and you’re my boyfriend, even if we can’t tell everybody yet. I’m glad we’re here tonight.”

“Yeah, me too.” This time he kissed her, and it was just as captivating for both of them.

When it ended, she said, “In a couple of days we can tell everybody about us. We’ll be able to kiss any time, anywhere. Will it be so bad if people see us?”

“Probably not,” he admitted after a long pause. “I’ll think about it.” He squeezed her hand where it still rested in his lap. “Later.”

“Oh, are you thinking about something else?” she asked innocently.

He reached up and ran his hand over her breasts. “Maybe…”

“Aaaaahhh…maybe I am, too.” she breathed.

He cupped his hand under her breast and rubbed her nipple with his thumb. “Just ‘maybe’?” he asked with a sly grin.

She moaned, “Ohhhhh…you, you _man!_ I _did_ create a sex maniac.” She squeezed him, breathless.

He caressed her, recalling the things that pleased her best. “Do you regret it?”

She looked into his eyes, all traces of teasing and levity suddenly gone. “No, Hibiki. I don’t regret it at all.”

He caught her mood change, and said with utter sincerity, “Neither do I, Barnette.”

They met for another long, satisfying kiss. Before it ended he could feel Barnette’s hands picking at the buttons of her blouse. They broke apart, he stood up and moved the table, then they watched each other undress, laughing and giggling.

She finished first and lay back on the bunk, watching him. When he got his shorts off she grinned and held her arms out to him. “Come here, you sex maniac.”

He grinned back. “Me? Maybe you’re a sex maniac, too.” They both laughed as he joined her on the bunk.

* * *

Barnette stretched, then relaxed with a long, satisfied sigh and murmured, “Maybe I _am_ a sex maniac. I want you all the time, Hibiki. I always want to feel you with me, like this.”

“Me too, Barnette. This is really great.” He ran his fingers over her body.

“Mmmmm, yes…” They lay in the bunk for a long time, relaxing, touching and whispering.

“It’s, um, getting late,” he observed eventually.

She smiled drowsily. “Mmmmm, I know, dear. Just a few more minutes.”

* * *

_Falling…falling…I’m falling…_

How long had it been? How long would it go on? There was no way to know. There was no light, no sound, no up, only _down_, forever.

Barnette woke with a start, clinging desperately. It took her several seconds to establish minimal situational awareness, and even then it wasn’t complete. She took stock. She was lying on the very edge of something with her left leg dangling awkwardly, kept from sliding further off by her grasp on something large, soft, warm…

She heard a wordless mumble, then slow, steady breathing. Everything came clear. She was hanging on to Hibiki to keep from falling out of his bunk. ‘A few more minutes’ had stretched into something more, it would seem. She wiggled all of herself back onto the inadequate strip of thin mattress beside him and thought about how it felt, it felt…it felt wonderful. Her position was cramped and precarious and uncomfortable and there was no place she’d rather be than squeezed tightly against Hibiki while he slept.

He mumbled some more as she reached out and pulled a little more of the blanket over herself, then slid her arm around him again. This one sounded like a question. He shifted in his sleep and started to roll over toward her, pushing her over the edge again. She pushed back, he grumbled and then jerked awake.

“Uuuhhhh?”

“Sorry. You were pushing me off the bed. Again.” She writhed some more, working her way back onto the bunk.

He moved with her until she was all the way back on the mattress. “You’re, uh, still here…”

She giggled. “I noticed that. I guess I kind of fell asleep. I guess we both did.” She was beginning to feel something, and slipped her hand between them to make sure. “Why, Hibiki, I think you want me.”

He was exquisitely aware of her body, tight against his, and his heart was starting to pound. “That’s kind of unfair. You can always tell.”

She squeezed him playfully and giggled again. “Well then, just to be fair, I’ll tell you I want you, too. What are we going to do about it?”

Their solution involved some more wiggling and squirming until she lay on the bunk with him above her. She guided him between her legs, and took him in with a gasp and a smile. He moaned, “Ohhh, Barnette.” as he felt her surround him again.

* * *

“Barnette…” he whispered.

“I know. This time I’m definitely leaving.” She sat up, yawned, stretched, and started hunting down her clothes. He watched her put them on with a lazy smile.

She finished dressing, bent down and kissed him good-night, stood and walked to the door.

He was still smiling. “Good night, Barnette. I had another great day.”

“Good night, Hibiki. So did I.” She turned the lights down to their lowest setting.

He didn’t take his eyes off her until the door closed.


	8. A Change Of Plan

Barnette opened her eyes and smiled gleefully. _I’m going to see my boyfriend today_. Just thinking it made her feel good. She climbed out of bed, dressed, and set off to breakfast. Meia got into line a few places behind her, and she moved back to join her blue-haired friend. “Good morning, Meia,” she said cheerfully.

“Morning, Barnette.” Meia looked at her curiously, and she nodded and giggled. Meia rolled her eyes, just a bit, embarrassed. Barnette giggled again and picked up a tray. Meia took hers and tried again. “How’s Hibiki?” She realized her mistake almost at once.

Barnette giggled again. “Hibiki is good. _Really_ good.” The first Mejeran woman to have sex with a man was in a bubbly, playful mood today. Fortunately, nobody else was paying them much attention this early on a Monday morning. They moved through the line picking up eggs, pancakes, sausage patties, hash browns, rolls and juice, then made their way to an empty table. Barnette left the end seat open.

They’d made a good start on their eggs and pancakes when Barnette gazed off into the air and announced, “I heard a rumor.”

Meia paused with a chunk of sausage impaled on her fork. “Why, Barnette, I’m a little disappointed. You should know better than to listen to rumors. They’ll just get you in all sorts of trouble.”

She returned her attention to Meia, and those dark blue eyes were sparkling with mischief. “Oh, I’m aware of the hazards, but this one sounded pretty credible.”

“Hmp. Well, if you won’t listen to reason, there’s not much I can do for you.” Meia sighed. “Dare I ask what it is that’s led you so sadly astray?”

“I heard you and my— and Hibiki got together and cooked up something…out of the ordinary, for our simulations this morning. I’m thinking there just might be something to it.”

“Have you now?” Meia asked dismissively, “And what does Commander Tokai say about it?”

“Oh, I haven’t mentioned it to him — yet.” She regarded Meia intently. “And I’m sure _he_ wouldn’t say anything.” She waggled her eyebrows. “His _face_, on the other hand…”

Meia Gisborn was not a woman to be swayed by threats. She shrugged. “If you’re determined to waste your time chasing some silly rumor, I can’t stop you.” She’d finished her sausage, and picked up a forkful of hash browns.

Barnette chuckled and took another chunk out of her pancakes. She hadn’t expected Meia to give up anything, so she wasn’t disappointed. It was just fun playing with her like this, and the Flight Commander’s severity was equally insincere. They went back to demolishing their breakfasts in companionable silence.

“Good morning, Barnette, Meia.” With their backs to the serving line, they hadn’t seen Hibiki coming. He set his tray down and slid into the seat beside Barnette, smiling, clearly in as good spirits as she was. He’d opted for two more sausage patties and one less pancake than they had.

“Good morning, HIbiki.” Meia was relieved that she hadn’t seen him approach, hadn’t been forced to notice whether a certain…item…was… She shook her head slightly. She’d have to get over her reaction to what she’d seen last night. Reading about it hadn’t completely prepared her for the reality. Barnette was certainly comfortable with it!

“Good morning, Hibiki.” Barnette’s voice held something extra, just for him. She decided right then that she’d rather enjoy her boyfriend’s mood than spoil it by grilling him about the rumor. She’d find out for herself in less than an hour, anyway.

“You’re both up early today,” Meia observed. They were; Barnette in particular liked to sleep in a little. Hibiki’s inconsistent sleep habits meant that he used to turn up at any time, but that had changed over the last few days.

Barnette grinned suggestively. “We fell asleep kind of early last night.” She glanced at Hibiki. “Didn’t we?”

He glanced around furtively. They were alone at their table but other people were nearby and the mess was starting to fill up. At least none of them seemed to be paying them much attention. “Uh, yeah, we finished…talking, pretty early.”

She giggled again. “Ah, yes, we had a _really good_…talk. And then another one, later.”

Hibiki and Meia both looked embarrassed. “Barnette…” he said plaintively.

Meia backed him up. “Can’t you wait a day? I don’t think this is the time…”

She relented. “Ah, I guess you’re right. That’s enough fun for this morning.” Both of them looked relieved, but still a bit wary, as they resumed eating.

“Hi.” “Morning.” Voices from behind them announced the arrival of two more Dread pilots. Seconds later, Vallois and Celise walked around and sat across from them.

“Hi.” “Good morning.” “Hey.” None of them said anything more as they all resumed or started eating.

It was a couple of minutes before Vallois looked at Meia and said, “I heard something last night,” and Meia rolled her eyes with a long-suffering expression.

Barnette laughed. “You don’t say!” She waggled her eyebrows at her Commander again.

Meia shook her head sadly. “I do wish you girls would stop spreading these crazy rumors around.”

Celise chuckled. “But what else can you do with ‘em?”

Vallois wasn’t deterred. “I heard you and Commander Tokai came up with something weird for today’s sims.”

Celise nodded with keen interest. Hibiki scowled, took a big bite of pancake and concentrated on chewing it. Barnette looked on with a knowing grin. She had chosen not to grill him on the subject, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy watching somebody else do it.

Meia looked a little puzzled. “We _try_ to come up with weird things for the simulations. It’s our job. We can’t let the enemy come up with them first and kill us all.”

“But we hear this one is really extra weird,” Celise insisted.

Meia chuckled. “I’m afraid I’m not a connoisseur of degrees of weirdness, but if you find one of the simulations ‘really extra weird’ be sure to let me know.”

Vallois and Celise both looked at her, frustrated, and resumed eating. A few minutes later they looked up as a new voice said, “G’morning.”

A jumble of greetings followed Jura as she sat down across from Barnette. Hibiki looked around and suddenly felt out of place. Not because he was the only man, but because he saw green, orange, light blue, purple and gold, and his own hair was…brownish-black. There was no escaping the conclusion: he had boring hair. He sighed and took another bite.

Jura settled in and started her breakfast, then looked at Meia. “I heard something about this morning’s simulations—“

“You too, Jura?” Meia was starting to sound just a bit put out. “Maybe you’re all bored because you don’t have enough to do. I can always add a few things to the training schedules…”

That raised the expected medley of protests and denials, followed by slightly nervous attention to breakfasts. Meia looked on with satisfaction.

* * *

They started congregating outside the simulator rooms at 0715. Hibiki, Barnette and Jura leaned against the wall, waiting for everybody to arrive. As usual, the men and women gathered in two groups, watching each other with wary curiosity.

Hibiki took a step forward when he saw they were all present. “As most of us know, Commander Gisborn won’t be joining us because she’s on watch this morning, so we’re going to play a little game. It’s called the Flight Commander Gisborn Is A Casualty game, and it goes like this: Commander Gisborn has been taken out in the middle of a battle. After the simulation loads, you will have twenty seconds to assess the tactical situation before the action starts, and Flight Leader Elden and Flight Leader Orangello take over for our wounded Commander. We win if we bring her back to the Nirvana without getting killed. You can all guess what losing is like!”

That started a confused gabble as he headed toward the Vanguard simulator room. He missed the look that passed between Jura and Barnette before they both nodded. He didn’t miss Barnette slugging him solidly in the left arm, and Jura in the right. Most of the Dread pilots saw it, and started laughing. Some of the Vanguard jocks laughed, too.

“Ow, what the fuck?” he demanded, awkwardly rubbing both arms. They hadn’t really punched _hard_, but…solid. He’d definitely felt them.

Jura laughed. “That’s what you get for springing something like this on us.”

Barnette was more sympathetic. “We had to do it. Couldn’t let you think you could just get away with it.”

It was a Mejere Pirate tradition, a tribute of sorts to somebody who came up with something especially twisted. By all rights, Meia should have shared the ‘honor’ but she was getting ready for watch. The universe was a most unfair place sometimes. He got all his men logged into their simulators without any further incidents.

They ran through four variations on the scenario, twice against the Harvesters and twice against the raiders they still knew far too little about. They ‘lost’ Meia in their first bout with the raiders, making them all fiercely determined to win the second one. They did, but it was a near thing. Everybody was worn out by the time Hibiki called it.

They all climbed out of their simulators and allowed that Group Commander Tokai — and Flight Commander Gisborn, _in absentia_ — had put them soundly through the wringer and were deserving of their utmost respect, at least for a while. Most of them drifted idly toward the doors discussing the exercise, except Barnette and a few other pilots assigned to the next watch who ran off to grab a quick lunch.

A number of Vanguard jocks, and some Dread pilots, wanted a few words with Hibiki. He did his best to not allow them to avoid each other, to ensure that they heard each other’s concerns and perspectives. He felt that he succeeded, at least a little. He observed several thoughtful expressions over the next few minutes.

Hibiki joined Celise, Jura and two other Dread pilots for lunch. He almost got two of his Vanguard jockeys to sit with them but they were hailed from across the room and went to sit at one of the ‘Taraak tables’ with every indication of great relief. He sometimes fancied that they were playing some variation on the ancient game of _Go_, with people instead of stones. Don’t get cut off and surrounded by the opponent’s pieces. If only they knew how incredible getting ‘captured’ could be…

Jura interrupted his pleasant reminiscence about Barnette. “What the hell did you two do to those raider ships? I don’t remember them ever being that tough in real life. Did you cheat on us?”

He favored them with a devilish grin. “We didn’t do anything to the _ships_. We just sort of upgraded the pilots.”

Jura looked thoughtful and didn’t answer right away. Helda said indignantly, “No way. Your ships were faster, and their weapons were better, too. The real ones never even came close to getting on my ass like that.”

He scowled and admonished her, “We would never cheat on an exercise. Play back the sims if you want, but those ships have exactly the same specs as always. We just gave them pilots good enough to make the most of their advantages, and avoid their weaknesses. You’ve all had it too easy because most of the real enemy pilots are shit. You needed a wake-up call to get you off your asses.”

Helda protested, “That’s bullshit—“

Jura cut her off. “He’s right, Lieutenant.”

“What, you just ran the sim back in your head and measured the performance?” Helda demanded scornfully.

Jura scowled at her, too. “I don’t have to. _Commander_ Tokai would never lie about something like that, and everything he says makes perfect sense. Most enemy pilots _are_ shit, at least their training, and we usually kill ‘em before they learn too much. Those ships do have some advantages, and good pilots could give us a whole lot of trouble. We need to be ready if that happens.”

Helda looked ready to protest some more, but Rika got ahead of her, worried. “You mean that cluster-fuck could happen for real?”

Jura looked grim. “It could if we don’t get our shit together. We should be thanking Meia and Hibiki for that wake-up call — unless you’d rather get it from the enemy.”

That set them all to thinking, even Helda. Rika asked, “Are you going to keep the sims jacked up like that from now on?”

Hibiki asked all of them, “Can you think of a good reason not to?”

Helda looked unhappy, and even more so when Jura said, “No. We’ve been complacent, and we’re damn lucky we’ve gotten away with it this long.”

Celise looked unhappy, too. “This is going to take some getting used to.” She shivered. “That was scary.”

Jura glared a challenge at all of them. “Then we have to get scary, too. We beat them the second time, so we’ve got what it takes! We just can’t let them surprise us, or intimidate us. We’ve been fighting for four years, and we’re still here. That should be enough to scare anybody.”

Hibiki vented a nasty chuckle. “Put on your war face ‘cause you can bet the enemy’s got theirs on.”

Jura eyed him appraisingly. “We should have slugged you a lot harder.”

They all laughed as he cringed back and put a hand up defensively. He looked up, over Jura’s head. “Commander Gisborn! Little help?”

“Personal combat practice belongs in the gym, Jura. Food fights are strictly forbidden.” They all laughed again as their Flight Commander walked around and sat beside Hibiki. “Have you been causing trouble with my pilots while I was on watch, Group Commander?”

“Some of them think we cheated on the simulation by cranking up the enemy ships’ performance. I told them we didn’t, but they don’t want to believe me.” He sounded sullen and resentful, but his half-grin gave it away.

“We do _not_ cheat on our combat simulations,” Meia said sternly, looking at all of them with her face deadly serious. “Even if somebody wanted to, I won’t allow it. A rigged sim would be useless for teaching you how to defeat the enemy. It would only teach you bad habits that can get you killed.”

She turned her attention to her lunch, letting her words sink in. Helda in particular was taken aback, and sat lost in thought for several seconds before remembering the fork in her hand. They all ate quietly.

After a while Celise posed the question that bothered them all. “What are we going to do if they really get that much better? We’re outnumbered sometimes. If they’ve got decent pilots, we’re gonna be kind of…fucked.”

Meia was pleased to hear them thinking ahead. “It won’t be easy, but we’ve got some advantages, too. One of our biggest ones is having two types of fighters, with different capabilities. You’ve got to learn to work more closely with the men and their Vanguards, and they’ve got to learn to work with us. We’re all getting better, but there’s still a long way to go.”

Helda looked across the room and said distastefully, “Really? You think _they’re_ the answer?”

“We’re stronger if we work together.” Meia regarded her intently. “I used to feel the same way. I didn’t want anything to do with _those men_ who wound up on _our_ ship. It’s a good thing I learned better. Take a look at our mission records. We would have lost most of those battles without the men.”

“And we would have lost all of them without the women,” Hibiki added. “I had a lot to learn, too. If we hadn’t worked together we all would have died about ten times over.”

Helda said impatiently, “But that’s just because of the VanDreads! See, I did look at the records. That’s what won the battles, and those guys can’t form VanDreads.”

Jura shook her head. “They’re unique, and powerful, but we can’t win battles with just VanDreads. We tried. We get swarmed, because we’re all alone. We have to work together, each of us contributing something different.”

Meia was still lecturing. “Those are the lessons we learned, from the mistakes we made, and we’re lucky they didn’t kill us instead of teaching us. They came close, too many times. Those are the lessons we’re trying to teach you. Listen to us, and learn, so you won’t make the same mistakes.”

Helda still looked dissatisfied, but didn’t protest further. They were back to eating in silence when Hibiki said, “We didn’t only learn things from the battles. We learned a lot from just living on the same ship, seeing each other every day. We learned we’ve been lied to all our lives.” He looked at Helda, but spoke to them all. “I know what you’ve been told about men, and what we’ve been told about women, and I know it’s bullshit. None of us are the monsters they say we are.”

That ended the conversation again. Helda still looked stubborn, Celise and Rika looked bemused and Jura looked unperturbed as usual. Meia was watching them too, and said to him, “I wonder what it will take to make them see? To make them think, instead of just reacting?”

He looked concerned. “I don’t know. I guess we’ll find out tomorrow, when we…”

She chuckled and murmured, just for his ears, “If they take it too badly, I’ll delay them while you make your escape.”

He chuckled too. “I hope it won’t be necessary, but thanks. I know we can always count on you.”

He finished first, bid Meia and the others good afternoon, and made his way to his office. He spent almost two hours writing up his reports on the morning’s simulations, shut down the computer, leaned back…and stopped.

He had nothing to do.

His Vanguard was ready for action and his paperwork was finished. Re-hashing his failed searches for Dita would just be a waste of time, and he would find no satisfaction in it. Barnette would be on watch for another hour and a half. He could go see her in the ready room, but the other pilots would wonder why, and there were too many things they couldn’t talk about in public yet.

There wasn’t anything else he wanted to do on the computer, and vegging out in his office got old after a few minutes. He stretched, rubbed the back of his neck — _Barnette does it **so** much better_ — got up, opened the door and stepped outside. Nobody was in sight, and there was nothing to hear but the Nirvana’s background noises. He thought about several options, then turned and headed for the Vanguard bay.

Techs and jockeys were fiddling with a few of the Vanguards, but most of them were sealed up, prepared for tomorrow’s deployment. He made sure of that, checking each mech’s status, exchanging a few words with each of the men he encountered, confirming that they were all dealing with minor, last-minute details. His Vanguard Group would be ready for action in the morning.

_Well, that killed about an hour. Now what?_

Hibiki wandered into Registry Central. One of the Reg ladies stood at Gascogne’s desk, talking to her. When she finished and walked away, he took her place in front of it. “Hi, Gascogne.”

Her smile was all business. “Hibiki. What can I do for you?”

He smiled back. “Thought I’d make one last check, see how we’re fixed for Vanguard supplies.”

“Hmmm.” Her fingers rippled across control panels, and she briefly studied her display. “Fuel for a hundred and seventy sorties, give or take. Four hundred and forty thousand rounds of twenty millimeter high-explosive armor-piercing ammo, forty-four thousand with tracers. Three hundred and eight assorted missiles. Not counting what’s already loaded in ‘em for tomorrow, of course.” She looked up at him. “Getting a little low on missiles, but otherwise not bad, considering how long we’ve been deployed.”

“Thanks, Gascogne.” He smiled again, then it faded. “What do you think we’re going to find tomorrow?”

“Don’t know.” She shrugged. “If we knew what we were going to find, we wouldn’t have to go looking, now would we?” She winked at him. “Sure would save us a lot of time!”

He chuckled. “Yeah, it would.”

She looked at him more closely. “Little worried?”

It was his turn to shrug. “Maybe a little.” Years ago, he would have snapped out an angry denial.

“Good.” She nodded once, emphatically. “It’ll keep you careful. Worry about everything, and then worry about what you _haven’t_ worried about.”

He chuckled again, and saw another of the Registry gals approaching the desk. “Well, thanks again.”

“Any time.” She turned her attention to her next bit of business as he walked away.

Just after he exited Registry Central he heard Lieutenant Midori’s voice announce, “Commander Rheingau, Lieutenant Commander Ballblair, Lieutenant Commander Gisborn, Lieutenant Commander Tokai, Major Garsus, your presence is requested in the Captain’s office.”

* * *

Captain Magno sat at the head of her conference table with BC on her right and Gascogne on her left, as always. Parfet sat beside BC, facing Meia, Hibiki and Bart.

As usual, BC opened the meeting. “Good to see you all here. This is our final command staff briefing before we reach our destination tomorrow. Commander Ballblair has uncovered some additional information about our objective, and we have changed our plans because of it. Parfet?”

The Engineering Department Head looked around at all of them, then referred to her datapad. “We’ve looked through our records and identified a total of eight ships we’ve, ah, examined, that have been to Maddalen recently. There’s one other ship besides the Marishima that we’ve got before-and-after images of their computers, too.”

She blinked behind her glasses and her ‘lecture mode’ took over. “It’s not so easy to erase stuff from a computer. When you delete something, it just marks the directory entry invalid and the descriptors and data sectors as available for re-use. The data is still there, just not referenced to anything. Whoever monkeyed with these ships’ computers tried to do more, but they faced some constraints. They were trying to hide something, and also trying to hide the hiding, if you will. And, they either weren’t very good at it or they didn’t try very hard. They left…remnants. We put those together, cross-referenced them between all eight ships, and we found a few things.”

She blinked again and continued more normally, “We found…anomalous activity, and we’ve identified the emission signature of one known type of raider ship. Amarone confirmed it. They’re definitely in the Maddalen System, and they’re definitely the enemy.”

Her fingers played over her datapad and the Maddalen System schematic appeared over the conference table. She made a blue arrow drift around the edges, far away from the star. “We initially assumed they’d be hiding way out in the outer system, where nobody would look for them. It made sense at first, but we didn’t think it through properly. It’s not such a good hiding place after all.”

Hibiki was slightly confused. “Why not? It’s a huge volume of space, it would take forever to search, and like you said, nobody would look there in the first place.”

She gave them all a crafty grin. “That would be true if all you wanted to do was hide a few ships, but it looks like they’re doing more. Way more.”

Parfet returned to ‘lecture mode’. “Anything you do in space generates heat. The average temperature in the outer system is less than fifteen Kelvin — around two hundred and sixty degrees below zero. If you make heat out there, it’s hard to hide. Shows up like a fire in the dark. And it looks like they’re making a _lot_ of heat. Like, heavy industry a lot of heat. They’re trying to hide it, but heat always leaks out.”

Meia grinned at her. “I can see you’re just dying for one of us to ask you, **sooo**…where are they?”

Parfet grinned back. “I’m so glad you asked!” She twiddled with her datapad, and a yellow ellipse appeared in the hologram. “They’re right here in the asteroid belt, almost in opposition to where the locals have their industry set up. They’re near the outer edge, the locals are near the middle, and their orbits are carrying them farther away from each other right now. In about a standard year they’ll _be_ in opposition, exactly a hundred and eighty degrees apart.”

Meia studied the layout for a few seconds. “It looks like they’re going out of their way to not bother the locals. To avoid confrontation. That’s…not their typical behavior.”

Everybody choked and guffawed at Meia’s colossal understatement. The enemy’s _typical behavior_ was looting, devastation and massacre, when they could get away with it. Voluntary restraint was unheard-of until now.

Meia considered the hologram a little longer. “Heavy industry, and keeping a low profile.” She looked at BC. “We’ve never found where they build their ships. Think this could be it?”

The XO gave her about half a nod. “I think we may have found **_a_** shipyard. If so, I’m sure it’s not the only one. Too far from their usual targets, for one thing. They wouldn’t haul damaged ships all the way out here.”

Captain Magno nodded agreement. “We’ve found something, anyway. Shipyard or not, it has to be part of their support network so taking it out will weaken them. We might find intel here that could lead us to other parts of their operation, or at least tell us more about them and where they came from.”

Gascogne looked grim and a little puzzled. “Why don’t the locals do something? They have to know who these bastards are, what they’ve done in other systems. They wouldn’t _trust_ them, would they?”

Bart replied, “Like I said last week, they’re still working up their economy. They’ve got no real military, no money to pay for one, and there’s nobody they can call on for help. These guys haven’t attacked them, or even bothered them, except for taking resources from a part of the asteroid belt they’re not using. I guess they’re letting it go because there’s nothing they can do about it anyway.”

Magno’s expression was…satisfied. “That makes it easier for us — we won’t have to worry about innocents getting caught in the line of fire. They’re a long ways from the inhabited planet, too.” She passed her hand through the outer fringes of the hologram, making rainbows diffract around her fingers. “Now that we know where they are, we won’t have to waste time pussyfooting around the system. We’ll drop out of hyper here,” she indicated a position outside the asteroid belt, counterclockwise from the enemy’s position, “so if they run it won’t be towards the planet.”

BC, Meia and Hibiki all nodded. He didn’t have the training any of them did, but he’d listened to their advice over the years and picked up a good practical understanding of space-battle tactics. Magno’s wasn’t the best possible attack plan, but given the added constraint of keeping their combat away from the planet’s civilian population, it was a decent compromise. They all trusted their Captain’s judgement; she had proven herself an excellent tactician in their previous engagements.

Bart made his contribution. “We won’t have to swing around to the other side of the system, and we’re running a little ahead of schedule, so that pushes our arrival time up to about 0650 tomorrow morning. I’ll take over the helm at six-thirty.”

Gascogne nodded. “I’ll move breakfast up to 0530, give everybody time to eat before we drop in on our old…acquaintances.”

That got a round of chuckles, and Bart quipped, “You can bet _they_ won’t have breakfast waiting for us!” Everybody laughed, and Hibiki elbowed him, not too hard. “Ow!” he protested. “Well, they won’t.”

Their laughter died down and BC looked around the table. “Well, there it is. You know what we know. Pass it on to your people and tell them to get prepared. We hit the objective in about fifteen hours and we’ll be facing the enemy fairly soon after that. Are there any questions?” They all looked at each other but their only questions would be the ones they didn’t have answers for.

Captain Magno waited until it was clear they had nothing to ask. “All right, let’s try to be ready for whatever we find. Remember what we’ve learned, back each other up, put the hurt on the enemy and don’t let them put any on us. I’m counting on all of you, and I know none of you will let us down.” She stood up and smiled. “Dismissed, ladies and gentlemen.”

* * *

“Hi, Hibiki.”

He looked up and smiled. “Barnette.” He watched her approach, enjoying the view. She wore blue shorts and a purple blouse this afternoon, reminding him of the revealing outfits she used to wear. If she wore one of those now — well, these days he knew enough to appreciate it properly. He would definitely show her his appreciation! She stopped in front of him and held out her hand. He reached up and took it, and she pulled him to his feet with ease. He was tempted to continue the motion, put his arms around her and kiss her, but this was not the time or the place.

She peered around as if searching for eavesdroppers and grinned. “How’s my boyfriend?”

The Vanguard bay was empty of last-minute tinkerers but somebody could walk in at any time, as she had. He’d been sitting here for quite a while, leaning against his ‘partner’s’ left foot, wondering what Barnette was up to and why he couldn’t find her. None of that mattered now; she was here.

He was still smiling. “Better, now—“ he knew they were alone, but still glanced around nervously, “—that my girlfriend’s here.” Her answering smile was worth a little embarrassment. “I, uh, I couldn’t find you.”

“I wanted to take a shower and, um,” her smile turned sneaky, “take care of some other things.”

“Other things? Like what?”

“Can’t tell you.” She giggled. “It’s a secret.” She grinned again at his expression. “You’ll find out, later. So, how was your meeting?”

“Good. Parfet dug some more out of those ships’ computers.” He looked at her, a little apprehensive. “There are definitely raiders in the system, and they’re up to something in the asteroid belt. Something pretty big. Could be a shipyard, could be something else. We’re going to find out. We’ll get there earlier than we thought, before seven hundred tomorrow. Gascogne’s moving breakfast up to five-thirty. Ummm…that’s about it.”

They’d all spent a while talking after the formal end of their Command Staff briefing, but without more information they hadn’t come up with any more answers. He’d briefed his Vanguard jockeys, but after imparting their meager intel he could only advise them to get a good night’s sleep and be ready for anything. Barnette had already been off watch when they finished, and he hadn’t found her, or wanted to be too obvious about looking for her.

“I see. It looks like we’ve got a busy day ahead of us, and an early one.”

He nodded. “Yeah, that’s how it’s shaping up.” His longing for her was only heightened by her presence.

Barnette saw the hunger in his eyes, and felt her own. “That means we should make the most of the time we have before then.” She smiled a promise to him. “Come to my room at twenty hours tonight.”

“Sure!” Hibiki had to suppress another urge to kiss her. “Um, what about Jura?”

She shook her head. “She’s got the 2000 ready watch. When she gets off, she’ll go straight to bed. Her bed. She won’t come out until last call for breakfast tomorrow.” After five years, she knew Jura’s habits almost as well as her own.

“Okay.” He looked thoughtful. “We won’t have to do this any more, after tonight.”

She knew exactly what he meant. “It will be nice, not having to sneak and hide.” She giggled again. “But hasn’t it been kind of fun, too?”

He chuckled. “Well, yeah,” he acknowledged. “But I’ve had about enough of that sort of fun.”

She smiled again. “I guess you’re right.” They both chuckled about it, then she asked softly, “Hibiki?”

There was something different about her now, something both excited and shy, and he wondered what she was thinking. He replied quietly, “Yes, Barnette?”

Her next words took him by surprise. “Will you sleep with me tonight? All night? I…I’d really like that.”

After he recovered, and considered her offer, he felt a little breathless. “I will.” He smiled and nodded. “I think I’d like that, too.”

She hugged him tight. “Oh, Hibiki…” He returned her embrace, but didn’t have any words.

He reluctantly loosened his hold after a minute. “Somebody might see us.”

“Mmmm.” She chuckled. “They might.” She squeezed him tighter. “Isn’t it…invigorating?”

“That’s not the word I’d use.” He tugged at her arms. “Besides, if we really miss the thrill, we can still hide from everybody even after they know.” He laughed. “Think how much harder it’ll be!”

She laughed with him, light-hearted. “It wouldn’t be the same.” She released him slowly, letting her hands linger. “Let’s go to supper. We didn’t get to have lunch together.”

“Sure, let’s go.”

She turned, and they walked out of the Vanguard bay together. They nodded to the people they passed on their way to the Nirvana’s mess, passed through the serving line, and found seats at a table with Meia, Jura, Rika, Celise and, in one of her/his rare appearances here, BC. They all nodded and Good Evening’d each other before settling down to eat. Conversation was sparse and subdued tonight as they all wondered what the morning would bring, but knew they had no answers.

At least Hibiki’s distraction was less noticeable. He was acutely aware of the woman at his side and could hardly think of anything else. He was sure her invitation for tonight marked a significant step for them both, and was even more sure that he wanted to take it. His knee touched hers, and she flashed him a quick smile.

He almost choked on his next bite when he felt her leg cross in front of his and her foot rub against his. He turned and caught her mischievous smirk before it was replaced by an expression of complete innocence. He recovered and moved his leg against hers, and she smiled again. There was no telling what they might have done next if Meia hadn’t shot both of them a warning glance from across the table.

“What’s the status of your Vanguard Group, Hibiki?” she asked.

For just a second he resented the interruption, then flashed her an understanding smile. “All green, Meia. All twenty-four Vanguards are prepped, fueled, armed and ready to go, so is Gold One. The jockeys are as ready as they can be, given how little we know about the objective. I told them to be ready for anything.”

She nodded. “That’s about all we can tell them. Thank you, Hibiki.”

He smiled and picked up another bite. Barnette rubbed his foot again, he shook his head slightly and she stopped. They would just have to wait until 2000. People finished and said Good Night until they were alone at the table.

She finished her supper before him, murmured, “Twenty hours. Don’t be late.” and stood up. She started to turn away, stopped, and said, “Don’t be early, either.” before walking away. He gazed after her, baffled.

He had almost an hour to wait. He decided to stop at his office and check everything one last time. _Nervous Neddy, that’s me!_ Nothing had gone wrong in the last two hours. He was just about to shut down the computer when there was a knock on the door.

He spun his chair around. “Come in.”

The door opened, but Lieutenant Karl Brody and Ensign Vonna Riesen remained outside, of necessity. His office was crowded for two; the only way three people could fit would be if they were all as…friendly as he and Barnette had become.

Karl stood stiffly at attention. “I have a request, Sir.”

Vonna stood at attention too, suddenly just a little bit annoyed. “_We_ have a request, Sir.”

He already had an idea what it might be, but said, “Well then, why doesn’t _one_ of you tell me what it is.”

Karl nodded. “I request assignment as Ensign Riesen’s wingman, Sir.”

“I see.” He’d been right. He looked at Vonna. “And is that your request as well, Ensign?”

“Yes, Sir,” she said evenly. “Assignment as Lieutenant Brody’s partner, Sir.”

She’d changed some in the last few days; less nervous, less intimidated by the lordly Group Commander Tokai. He approved, both of her and the proposed assignment, but it would be just _wrong_ not to make them work for it a little. He suppressed a smile and asked, “Any particular reason?”

Karl reported, “We’ve been practicing, Sir. We’ve got almost ten hours on the simulators, in our off-duty time. We scored twenty-three points above average on our last session.”

That was impressive. Their score alone justified the assignment, but he wanted to grill them just a bit more. “Any other reasons, Ensign?”

She nodded. “I know Karl — I mean Lieutenant Brody — but I don’t know any of the other men, Sir. I know he’s a good pilot, and we work well together.”

He was sure there was one more thing, and he wanted her to say it. “Anything else, Ensign?”

She looked at him, half-wary, half-defiant. “I trust him, Sir. I know he’ll do the right thing. He…he’s got my back.”

Hibiki looked at Karl. “Do you trust her, Lieutenant?”

“Yes, Sir! She’s a good pilot, she’s tough, and she’ll always back me up.”

He let his smile loose. “That’s what I wanted to hear. Trust is the most important thing in a partnership, and it’s the one thing you can’t get from orders or training.” He turned back to the computer and ran his fingers over the control panels, flipping through several screens and making changes. After half a minute he finished and turned back to them. “I’ve made the changes and notified Flight Commander Gisborn. If she doesn’t reject your assignment, and I don’t see any reason she would, you can consider it final as of now. You’ll be on for tomorrow. That is what you wanted, isn’t it?”

They both barked, “Yes, Sir!” a little out of sync.

He smiled again. “Good for you. Remember your training, and what you practiced. Watch out for each other, and don’t forget to watch out for yourself, too. Vonna, Karl, I expect to see you both after it’s over, and I’m sure you won’t let us down. Dismissed.”

They both smiled, repeated, “Yes, Sir,” turned and walked away.

He watched them go, then turned back to the computer, which told him it was 1953. Seven minutes. It would take about three to walk from here to Barnette’s quarters. The other four would be some very long minutes. _Why doesn’t she want me to be early? She must want to be sure Jura’s actually in the ready room_. He started shutting the computer down.

* * *

Hibiki knocked on her door. “Barnette?”

“Come in, Hibiki.”

Her voice sounded…different. Had he spent his life on any planet other than Taraak he might have known the word ’sultry’, but he hadn’t. He only knew that it had a very pleasant effect on him. He opened the door and took one step inside. He was utterly unprepared for what he found.

The lights were low, but bright enough to see clearly, and _what_ a sight. He knew next to nothing about women’s clothing, there were a lot of words besides ’sultry’ that he had never heard of, but this vision drove straight into a part of his brain that needed no words.

Barnette reclined languorously on her bed, head propped up on her right hand, left hand resting on her hip. She wore a translucent cream-colored negligee over the sexiest, naughtiest, most provocative bra and panties she owned, and Barnette _loved_ naughty lingerie. She gazed up at him with a bewitching, seductive smile and a promise in her deep blue eyes.

She regarded him as he stood frozen just inside the door. He wore black pants and a dark gray shirt as was typical for him. His attire had little variety these days, and was mostly in dark or dull colors. She seldom thought about it; she knew little more about men’s clothing than he did about women’s. The stunned look was new, though, and she felt a delicious sense of satisfaction.

“Hibiki, the door.” Her voice slipped into that same part of his brain, twice as alluring now with nothing to impede it.

He became aware that he hadn’t moved since that first step and still had his hand on the door. That there were other things in the universe besides the beautiful, enchanting woman — _his_ woman — waiting for him on the bed. That a tantalizing scent of fruit and flowers filled the air, his mouth was dry, his heart was pounding, there was a fluttering in his belly and something stirring below that. He could see why she didn’t want him to be early; she wanted to be sure she was ready for him.

He managed to close the door and take two more steps. Barnette’s eyes never released their hold on his. Her face looked a little different tonight, somehow softer; her eyes looked larger, her eyebrows and eyelashes a bit more pronounced. It must be what women called ‘makeup’. He approved, and admired her shining green hair. He sank down to sit on the bed and reached out to cup her cheek.

She sighed and nestled her face into his hand. “I’m glad you’re here, Hibiki. Tonight is going to be really special.”

She reached up and guided him down for a kiss. Her perfume was different tonight, kind of spicy and smoky, instead of flowery. He found something shiny, sweet-tasting and slightly sticky on her lips, and decided he liked it. There was more of the same flavor on her tongue, and that was even better. Under it, though, she still tasted like Barnette. He couldn’t describe it, didn’t understand it, but he felt that if he kissed every woman on the Nirvana blindfolded he would instantly know which one was Barnette.

The kiss went on, and on. Neither of them felt any need to stop. The night was theirs and they had nothing else on their minds. Hibiki’s hand crept from her cheek around to her neck, and Barnette slowly sank back until her head rested on the pillow and slipped her arms around him, moaning softly.

The kiss came to a conclusion and Hibiki pushed himself up. They had both closed their eyes without noticing, and now opened them. Barnette reached up and worked at the top button of his shirt until she got it undone. He got the idea, took his shirt off and dropped it beside the bed. She hooked her fingers into his pants and tugged at the waistband. He half-smiled, bent down and removed his boots and socks, then stood up and unfastened the pants. He hesitated, then let them drop. He had long ago given up angry-face loincloths for more sensible boxer shorts; today’s were medium gray.

She smiled again. “That’s better.” She tapped the mattress, just below her shoulder. “Sit right here, Hibiki.”

He did, and she reached out and rubbed her hand across his chest and belly. His heart pounded even harder. He caressed her, his hands sliding over the silky negligee and her body. It was like nothing he had ever felt before. He pulled his hand back to look at her again, taking in the details.

“Barnette, you, uh, you look…wow.” There were no more words in his head.

She gave him another irresistible smile. “I’m wearing this just for you, Hibiki. I’m glad you like it.”

He could only nod and smile back. She looked away and stretched her arm up to a shelf above the end of her bed, holding a small dish of strawberries, liberally sprinkled with powdered sugar. He hadn’t noticed it. He hadn’t noticed anything. Since the moment he opened the door, he had only seen Barnette.

He liked strawberries. He had never realized that he just shoveled them into his face until Barnette showed him _how_ to eat strawberries.

Barnette picked up a strawberry between the tips of her first and second fingers, not using her thumb, and raised it toward his face. He reached to take it, but she swatted his hand away with her other hand and held the berry under his nose. He opened his mouth and she put it in, but didn’t let go of it as he had expected. He sat confused for several seconds, then curled his tongue under it. She still held on, grinning, and it took him several more seconds to wrestle it out of her grip. She pulled her fingers out and watched him chew.

He was getting the idea. He picked up a strawberry as she had, feeling awkward, and held it to her face. She opened her mouth, he put the berry about halfway in, but she didn’t move. He hesitantly moved his fingers deeper into her mouth until finally, when his knuckle touched her chin, she closed her lips and slid her tongue around them. Surprised by the sensation, he dropped the berry and took his fingers out.

His turn. This time she teased him, touching a strawberry to his lips, pulling it back, then finally sliding it into his mouth and again making him fight it away from her. He made some funny faces in the process, and set her to giggling.

He fed her a second strawberry with more confidence, sliding it into her mouth smoothly until she closed her lips. Her tongue moved around his fingers, but she didn’t make any effort to take the strawberry. After a few seconds he felt goosebumps run up his arm and the berry slipped away. He pulled his fingers back, Barnette still gripping them with her lips.

She tapped the next strawberry against his nose, then under his chin, grinning. He tried to pursue it but she giggled and pulled it back, shaking her head. He held still, and she slowly inserted her fingers into his mouth, still giggling. He closed his lips and this time, instead of taking the strawberry he played with her, running his tongue around and between her fingers while she squirmed on the bed and made little excited sounds. She lost her hold on the berry and slowly drew her fingers out of his mouth.

He was learning this game. He rubbed a strawberry around her lips until she tried to catch it with her tongue, then pulled it away, wagging a finger at her with his other hand. She made a small frustrated growl and held still, and he brought the berry back to almost touch her lips, stopped there, then edged it into her mouth bit by bit. She closed her lips and he sat spellbound as she gazed adoringly into his eyes while her tongue did beguiling things to his fingers. He felt that all of his senses were focused into those two fingers, yet the feelings seemed to reach all the way down to his toes.

Barnette was teaching him that sex was a far larger and more complex subject than he had ever imagined. He had been impatient to get their clothes off and do what they had done before, but now he was enjoying this Strawberry Game for its own unexpected delights. He still looked forward to joining with her, but was no longer in a rush.

They gradually finished the dozen or so strawberries, then played with the juice and sugar, licking it off each other’s hands and faces, laughing and giggling. He leaned in and they kissed again, both of them now tasting of sugar and strawberries. Barnette pulled him down, writhing and moaning under him. After a time, she reached out and felt his man parts judiciously. They broke the kiss with matching gasps.

“I think you’re ready for me, lover.”

He’d been ready for her since he opened her door, but he was glad for the time they had taken. She pulled at his shorts and he shifted his weight just enough to take them off, then sat back down. Barnette sat up, turned, slid off the bed and stepped back. She twisted and stretched as Hibiki watched, mesmerized, then slid her hands down her sides and back up again. She smiled, pulled the negligee over her head and dropped it on top of his clothes.

She wiggled out of her panties and flipped them away with her foot, cupped her hands over her breasts and looked down at him with a thoughtful, secret smile before reaching between them, unfastening her bra and slowly opening it. She reached out, swirled two fingers through the last bit of strawberry juice, traced them around her nipples, then held them out to him. She bit her lip as he nuzzled her fingers.

Barnette slipped her bra off, stepped forward and looped it around the back of his neck, then tipped her head back and moaned as he sucked the sugary juice off her breasts. He took his time, making sure he got every trace, from any place it could possibly have gotten to, until her knees wobbled and she all but fell on top of him. She sighed as he squeezed her breast, then rolled over and lay on her back beside him.

Hibiki turned and kissed her again, and they both moaned and ran their hands over each other’s bodies. Barnette made a hungry sound deep in her throat, put her arms around him and pulled him onto her with the surprising strength of a Mejere woman. She guided him to the right place, and thrust her lips against his to muffle her joyous shriek as he entered her. She continued to stifle her cries against his mouth, his neck, or his shoulder.

* * *

They lay panting in each other’s arms, Hibiki absorbing yet another brand-new experience. He had felt the now-familiar rush of pleasure and a profound bond with this woman when Barnette had seemed to go wild. Now his ribs ached from her crushing embrace, his back stung where her fingernails had dug in, and she had bitten his shoulder hard enough to draw blood. If she hadn’t, her screams of ecstasy would have alerted the whole ship.

When he recovered his voice, he asked, “Barnette? Was that…”

She couldn’t stop smiling up at him. “Best one _ever!_ That was great, Hibiki!”

Hibiki felt a strong surge of emotion at her words, happiness and pride and gratification, that he had given his woman such intense pleasure. He felt closer to her than he had ever been to anyone. He kissed her again, and tried to put everything he was feeling into it. She returned the kiss with her own passion, and for a few minutes nothing existed for them except each other.

He rolled off and lay beside her, and they both rested and recovered their breath. After a few minutes Barnette turned and kissed his cheek, then bent her head down. He shivered as she slowly drew her tongue up the side of his neck, then nibbled his earlobe.

He pulled away. “Hey, what are you doing?”

She smiled. “Showing you some more things I know about sex. Some things about men and women are different, but I’m sure some things are the same, too." He still looked a little uncertain, and she gave him a gentle smile. “I won’t hurt you, Hibiki. I promise I won’t ever hurt you. I’m not one of those people who enjoys causing her lover pain.”

He looked at her suspiciously and rubbed his shoulder. “You bit me.”

She took on a very strange look. She tried to control it, tried to keep it down…

Barnette exploded in helpless laughter. She tried several times to speak, but it just made her laugh harder. She did her best to keep it quiet, and finally managed to get words out, sort of. “Oh-ho-ho-ho Hibiki-hee, I’m s-s-so s-s-ss-sor-r-ry I bit you-u-u-u! I didn’t m-me-e-ean to-o! I was jus-s-s-st a littl-l-le out of con-n-ntro-o-o-ol.” She lay across him and surrendered to the hilarity. He put his arms around her without thinking and slowly started laughing with her.

“I guess it’s not so bad,” he conceded as they wound down to chuckles. “At least it’s not where people will see it!” That set them both off again as they imagined trying to explain how he’d gotten a Barnette-bite in some more obvious place. It wasn’t like he could realistically blame it on anybody else. It could have proven quite…troublesome.

They ran down again and she lay back beside him. “Oh dear, that was a good laugh.” She looked at him and smiled. “Sharing it with you is even better.”

“It’s…I couldn’t laugh, for a long time. It feels good.” He chuckled. “Even my shoulder feels better.”

She raised her head and tenderly kissed the bite mark. “I’m very sorry I bit you, but I _was_ kind of out of control. You gave me a, an orgasm supernova!”

His expression suddenly changed to an almost childlike glee. “Really?”

“Really.” She giggled. “They’re sure missing a lot, back on Mejere.”

He chuckled again. “Well, they’re missing at least as much on Taraak.”

She snuggled against him. “At least we’re not missing anything.”

He squeezed her tight. “Mmm-mmm.”

They lay together in Barnette’s bed, relaxing, talking, touching. Their words and caresses gradually became more insistent, more intimate, and soon they found themselves having sex again. Hibiki paid closer attention to her, watched and felt how she responded until she gasped and moaned, and clutched him tight. It was plain that she wasn’t having such an…extreme experience this time.

It ended, for both of them. Hibiki lay beside her again. “It wasn’t as good this time, was it?”

Barnette sighed contentedly. “What do you mean?”

“You weren’t as, uh…out of control this time.”

She giggled. “What, did you _want_ me to bite you again?” She opened her mouth menacingly and clacked her teeth together. “I could.”

“Aaaaack! No! It’s just…” He was having a hard time finding words. “You said the, the one before was, the best one ever, and then this one…I kinda feel like…”

“Oh.” She kissed his cheek. “Do I look disappointed? I don’t expect a supernova every time, dear. I think that would get boring. It’s better, not knowing what to expect.” She smiled dreamily. “Although I do look forward to more supernovas, sometimes.”

“I’ll try, Barnette,” he promised.

“I don’t think it will come from trying. Were you _trying_ tonight, the first time?”

“No…”

“You were caught up in the moment. So was I. We weren’t thinking about anything else.” She smiled. “That must be what made it so good.”

He worked it through. “So…the only way to try…is to not try.”

“To not worry about it, anyway. Just relax and enjoy ourselves.”

“Okay, I’ll—“ He gave a short laugh. “I _won’t_ try! I _promise_ I won’t try!”

“Good for you.” She yawned contentedly. “Well, I’m about ready for bed. How about you?”

“Yeah, I…” He yawned, lost the thought and changed to, “We’ve got kind of an early day tomorrow.”

Barnette got up, crossed the room and turned the lights down low. Hibiki pushed the bed covers down and crawled between the sheets. She returned to bed and slipped in beside him. They shifted around to find positions that were comfortable, and compatible. She laid her arm across his chest, and they turned toward each other and kissed.

“Mmmmm. Good night, Hibiki.”

“Uh…huh. G’night, Barnette.” After a minute he murmured, “It’s kind of…funny. To say good night, and not go anywhere.”

She smiled and murmured back, “I’m glad you’re not going anywhere.”

“Me too.” He was silent for a few seconds. “Hey, we’re trying another new thing. I think…it’s a good one.”

She rubbed her foot against his leg. “You’ve never slept with anyone before, have you?”

“Uh-uh.” He chuckled. “So far, I like it.”

“Good…”

Another minute passed. “Of course. You slept with Jura, didn’t you?” His tone was one of simple curiosity, about something he hadn’t thought of before.

“Yes.” She smiled. “I know how nice it is to share my bed with someone special. Tonight I’m sharing it with you.”

“Someone special…” he mused sleepily. “You’re special…to me…Barnette…”

She sighed happily, and squeezed him tight.


	9. Meia's Ambush

The Nirvana dropped out of hyperdrive, deployed her Dreads and Vanguards, and found the enemy. Apparently they were not welcome; a swarm of raider ships vectored towards them, spitting a few long-range missiles to probe their defenses. They’d encountered similar ships before. They were about half again the size of Dreads, with heavier weapons and stowage for more missiles, but slower and less maneuverable. Dreads with good pilots could chew them up, and Meia’s ladies had become some of the best.

The raiders appeared to know this too; when they saw the well-organized Dread squadrons coming for them, saw they were outnumbered, they turned away and raced for the system’s outer reaches. The two groups were already moving away from each other at high speed, so the pursuing Dreads would spend almost fifteen minutes losing ground before their higher acceleration allowed them to start closing the distance. _A tail chase is a long chase_, as everybody knew. The Nirvana came about and followed, escorted by a squadron of Dreads and a Vanguard section, plus one.

“They’re running for those asteroids, Flight Commander! If they get in there we’ll be all day diggin’ ‘em out.”

“I see it, Flight Leader Six. Not much we can do about it from here, though.”

A frustrated sigh sounded. “There they go. Nothing to do here but baby-sit the Nirvana and watch _them_ have all the fun.”

“Ohhhh, you poor thing, all bored and lonely. You don’t want to be out here with us, though. You might get your hair mussed up, or—“ gasp! “—_break a nail!”_

Jura laughed heartily. “Up yours, Vallois!”

Vallois laughed too. “Why, Jura, I didn’t know you cared.”

The blonde grouched, “Could you at least _get_ the bastards, now that we’ve found ‘em? Some of us are tired of chasing rumors all over the sector.”

“Yes, Red One, we’re working on it. Now clear the channel.” Meia’s voice sounded relaxed and maybe just a bit amused.

“Aye aye, Great Leader.” Jura snickered. “Everybody’s Ohma, she is.” That triggered a few more chuckles, including one that sounded suspiciously like Meia’s.

Jura’s Dread led the escort squadron, spread out around and ahead of the Nirvana. Six Vanguards were arranged behind them, and three more, with Hibiki’s ‘partner’ in the center, brought up the rear. He had to agree with the tall blonde — they were probably in for a lot of boredom today. They should be thankful for it; an attack on their flagship would _not_ be a good thing.

To their surprise the sixty or so enemy ships flew right past the asteroid cluster; realizing, perhaps, that playing hide-and-seek among the rocks would only buy them a little time, and that they would be at a huge disadvantage against the more agile Dreads. They seemed to be intent on just running away. They, and the Dreads, were leaving the Nirvana behind, as the starship was built more for marathons than sprints. She could push harder, but still not hard enough to keep up with the raiders, so why overtax the engines? They’d get there in their own time. The Dreads weren’t straining to the limit either, for the same reason. There just wasn’t enough advantage in catching the enemy a few minutes sooner.

Minutes dragged past, followed by more. Space was vast, even within a star system. Travel usually took hours, even tens of hours. Current projections were for the Dreads to reach practical engagement range in about an hour and ten minutes. They were nearing the asteroids now, a fairly dense jumble of hill-sized nickel-iron lumps with mining operations on most of them, presently evacuated. They had probably been herded together for convenience, along with a few rocky bodies as sources of lighter elements. The Dreads swung wide around them; the huge chunks of metal were opaque to scanners, bounced signals around chaotically, and would make an outstanding hide for their enemies. There were some relieved comments when nothing jumped out at them.

Eleven minutes later the Nirvana was approaching those asteroids at more than 6,400 kilometers per second. She wouldn’t swing as wide; no ship big enough to threaten her could hide behind any of those rocks and she’d make up some time on the smaller, quicker ships this way. Sometimes our worst mistakes are the simplest.

They hadn’t reckoned on how many _small_ ships could hide in there, and that they would just allow the Dreads to pass.

Lieutenant Amarone Slaintheva’s voice barked out, “Contact! Multiple contacts! Estimate twenty, no, thirty…fifty…profiles match the raider ships…sixty…range two-point-one-seven million…more contacts…on intercept course…”

Hibiki had spotted them about two seconds after Amarone’s first word. She would have a better overall picture, but he was looking at just a few of them and it looked like she was right; their energy and emissions matched within a very small error margin, but something about them nagged at him. He smelled a rat. A big, mean, _ugly_ rat that was about to bite them on the ass unless somebody figured out what stunk about it. He was going over the readings again when a new number appeared. It took several seconds of tracking to integrate an acceleration profile. Those ships were putting out just as much power as their cohorts running from the Dreads, but their acceleration was almost thirty percent lower, and…shouldn’t they be a lot stealthier? They shouldn’t show up this clearly at seven light-seconds.

BC must have been looking at the same data, smelled the same rat, and beat him to the conclusion he was groping toward. She/he bellowed in his ears, Tenmei’s deep tones bleeding through as the voice modulator saturated, “Jura, Hibiki, combine _**NOW!**_ Reinforce the Nirvana’s shields and **_hang on!_** All Dreads, all Vanguards, get behind our shields!”

Lieutenant Belvedere Coco rode over the last distorted word with a strident, “New contacts! Missiles! Hundreds! Intercept course!”

He was already heading towards the Nirvana, ducking ‘under’ the larger ship — no amount of time in space could fully override the human brain’s need for ‘up’ and ‘down’ — and his scanners showed that Jura had spun her Dread around and was coming to meet him. She’d been far out in front and it would take her a while to get here.

This, then, was the rat. Lower acceleration because they were hauling extra mass, a significant fraction of the ship’s own. Bigger scanner profile because the load was attached to the outside of their ships. By the numbers, three or four capital-ship missiles each. Probably four. _We are so, so fucked!_

“Woo-ee, lookit that! Red-on-red! Dig it!” one of the other Vanguard jocks shouted. Sure enough, there was a massive detonation just outside the distant asteroid cluster. One of the enemy’s missiles must have hit one of their own ships. Of course, it couldn’t have been destroyed _before_ it launched its missiles; there was no way they were that lucky.

The Nirvana stopped accelerating and swung ponderously towards the threat axis. She had no chance of outrunning the missiles, or evading them, so Bart stopped rushing to meet them while bringing all of her armament to bear on the enemy. Missiles were tiny, elusive targets but with ninety-six beams he should take out some of them.

Belvedere had more details. In a level voice she announced rapidly, “Estimate four hundred eighty missiles. Range one-point-nine-seven million, first impacts in forty-five seconds.” That should give Bart time to make three shots, at diminishing ranges. Right now, they were all seeing where the missiles _were_ six seconds ago. Belvedere was accounting for the lightspeed delay and reporting her best estimate of their _current_ position.

“Take that!” yelled the bald helmsman. The Nirvana sprouted almost a hundred…tendrils of brilliant light. They curved, they twisted, they moved slowly enough to _see_, unlike normal lasers. Parfet claimed they violated several laws of physics and made a few more very nervous. They reached towards the oncoming missile swarm as the Dreads started shooting their own lasers. In eleven seconds they would start to see the results.

Hibiki brought his Vanguard to rest relative to the Nirvana, five hundred meters behind her lower hull, and checked his scanner again. Jura was well on her way now, but still pretty far off. The missiles were closing, and they would need time to combine their battlecraft and join their shields with the Nirvana’s. He shifted his perspective, ignoring the numbers and watching the symbols converge. The more primitive parts of his brain engaged, intuitively assessing relative distances and accelerations, reaching a tentative conclusion that the branch was within reach, and the monkey would grab it successfully. It would be close, though.

A bright flash drew his attention to the viewscreens, and an expanding ball of light. The Dreads had taken out at least one missile, five and a half seconds ago. The enemy’s missiles were designed and programmed to detonate their warheads if damaged, and succeeded about half the time. Their ships, unencumbered now and much harder to detect, all but disappeared behind the EMP and radiation. Bart shouted Something Manly as the Nirvana put on another firework display.

The Dreads were picking off missiles steadily, often accompanied by multi-megaton nuclear fireballs that had completely obscured the enemy ships. The Nirvana’s first salvo reached them at last and snaked through the swarm, touching off another half-dozen sunbursts. Bart’s “How’s that? Have some more!” accompanied a third wave from the Nirvana.

Jura’s arrival interrupted the light show. He braced and felt his Vanguard’s seat move, and change.

Celtic called out, “Range five-six-zero thousand, closing forty-nine thousand, impact ten seconds! Estimate three hundred forty left!”

Glares of actinic light shone into the control nexus of VanDread Jura as the Nirvana’s second barrage struck home. The view was clearer and even more impressive from here, and less than two light-seconds away now. The other Dreads ceased fire and scurried around to join the Vanguards taking shelter behind the Nirvana’s shields.

Hibiki always started out facing the scanner controls. He shifted left, to the shield controls, as Jura brought them in closer to the Nirvana. They had practiced this several times. He hit the correct three buttons and their eight shield repeater disks spread out around the ships, locking into the Nirvana’s shield somehow and building it up until it looked like a dense green mist. He looked into Jura’s eyes as they both focused on making their fortified shield as strong as possible. Pushing buttons wasn’t enough; to get the most out of a VanDread you had to _will_ the results you wanted. If their will was strong enough, positive enough, the Pyxis could be inspired to perform near-miracles. They thought of the Nirvana, their home, thought of all their friends aboard her, concentrated on how much they wanted to protect them, and the shield glowed deeper and stronger by the second.

Bart’s last barrage sparked almost a dozen nova-bursts, nearly blinding from half a light-second away. That should leave three hundred and a few missiles, and they desperately hoped their shields would hold.

Lieutenant Coco warned, “Impac—“ and everything was washed out by thermonuclear fire. They had barely made it. If Commander Calessa had taken five seconds longer to figure out what was going on, the first missiles would have hit before they deployed, destabilized the Nirvana’s shields and made it impossible to synchronize with them. They might have gotten VanDread Jura’s shield up in time, might have stopped them alone — or not. The enemy’s gamble had nearly paid off.

More than three hundred capital-ship-killer missiles pounded against the Nirvana and VanDread Jura’s reinforced shields. They had been launched from a disorganized gaggle of ships, from different ranges, at different times and initial velocities. If they had been coordinated to strike at the same time in a single colossal punch, that could have been enough to overload even their super-shield, but spread out over nine seconds they posed only a moderately serious threat.

The onslaught didn’t so much end as run down, with missiles continuing to strike in random ones and twos for almost a minute, keeping their comms and scanners blanketed with interference. Finally, when fifteen seconds had gone by since the last one, the EMP and radiation dissipated enough for them to hear Lieutenant Celtic Midori’s voice. “…erance fading. Shields holding, no damage.”

Amarone followed her closely with, “Scanning for targets.”

Two last, straggling missiles wandered drunkenly in their general direction, their gravitic drives clearly out of whack. A Dread and a Vanguard ducked out from behind the Nirvana and potted them with lasers. One just blew up, but the other one detonated and swamped their comms and scanners with another burst of EMP. VanDread Jura’s display sphere clouded up again before it had a chance to show them much.

Ten seconds later the static faded and BC’s voice rose out of it. “…serve squadrons launch and form up to counterattack. Red One, this is Nirvana Command, do you copy?”

Jura answered, “Nirvana Command, Red One, we hear you. We’re still mostly blind out here.” The sphere was clearing, but showed nothing yet except uncertain blips for the Nirvana and a few of her escorts.

BC sounded relieved. “We don’t see much from here either, Jura. Drop your shield, we’re launching the reserves.”

She replied, “Got it, Commander. Dropping shield.”

Hibiki pushed two buttons, the shield faded and their repeater disks returned to hover around the Red Claw. The Nirvana and Dreads were showing clearly in their display now as the radiation haze dimmed. The Nirvana’s own shields opened up as Dreads and Vanguards streamed out of her. They quickly sorted out into squadrons and arrayed themselves ahead of the Nirvana, ready to either defend their mothership or move out to attack.

The Commander gave them another call. “Red One, do not separate. We might need you again.”

Hibiki answered this time. “Confirm, Nirvana Command. Will not separate. Standing by.”

Jura moved around the control console and started pushing buttons. The large emitter disk moved out in front of their VanDread and the small ones clustered around it. The interference was dissipating as they left the energized clouds behind, and she wanted to be ready when they picked up the enemy. Any time now…

He heard Belvedere just as he saw them. “Contacts. Missiles! Four-hundred-plus, range nine-five-zero thousand, closing twenty thousand, impact thirty seconds!”

He had an awful moment before he realized that these couldn’t be more ship-killers. Up until they were obscured by nuclear blasts, the raiders had been accelerating normally, and were just as hard to see as they should be. These were their own missiles, their size and power a small fraction of the ones they had just faced, hardly a danger to the Nirvana at all.

He saw a second wave of missiles heading their way just as Belvedere reported, “More missiles! Range nine-two-zero thousand, closing nineteen thousand, impact thirty seconds! Third wave! Range nine-one-zero thousand, closing seventeen thousand, impact thirty seconds.” Successive waves of missiles were showing up through the haze on their scanners faster than she could talk.

They’d practiced for this, too. The Dreads and Vanguards moved aside, opening a gap, and the Nirvana moved forward. The raiders’ missiles might not be much threat to a capital ship, but they were _intended_ to kill smaller craft like Dreads and Vanguards. It was the Nirvana’s turn to protect her flock.

Or not. BC interrupted Lieutenant Coco’s continuing updates. “Red One, Nirvana Command, activate shield. Stop those missiles.”

A sensible decision; the Nirvana would probably need her shields at full strength in a few minutes. Jura lifted her hands off the console, allowing Hibiki to take control of the repeaters. He punched buttons as Jura replied, “Aye, Command, raising shield.” The disks spread out and spun a barrier around all of their ships.

Belvedere picked up again. “Missile launch! Range eight-six-five thousand, impact thirty-eight seconds."

Lieutenant Slaintheva almost cut her off reporting, "Enemy ships located, range eight-four-four thousand, closing seven thousand, intercept in one-hundred-twenty to two-hundred-sixty seconds.” The first wave of missiles arrived while she was speaking and peppered their shield with hundreds of explosions, but to VanDread Jura they might as well be raindrops.

Belvedere took over smoothly, “Missile launch, range eight-three-five thousand, impact thirty-seven seconds. That’s seven, four-hundred-plus missiles per wave.” The second wave crackled around them, an annoyance rather than a threat.

Hibiki and Jura regarded their display sphere. The swarm of ships was spreading out to hit them from multiple angles. Lieutenant Slaintheva couldn’t nail down the timing because none of them knew what the enemy would do. They could keep boosting all the way and reach the Nirvana in less than two minutes, but they would blow past each other at nearly 8,000 KPS giving both sides only a short time to shoot at each other. Or, they could start decelerating at some point, taking longer to arrive but giving them a lot more attack options.

He growled with frustration. _Those ships are spitting out missiles as fast as their launchers can reload. They’re empty now, but they’re keeping us too busy to go after the source. None of us can shoot out through VanDread Jura’s shield, and there’s not enough time between waves to drop it, do anything useful, and raise it again. This has to be a diversion, but from what? What are those bastards up to?_

Amarone interrupted his contemplations. “Contacts! Second group, ten-plus ships, range eight-three-five thousand, closing six-seven hundred…decelerating? They’re breaking off! Confirm, twelve ships, breaking off. Main group still on intercept course.” Why hadn’t she seen them sooner? They must have been ballistic, coasting, engines shut down, and just now started them up again.

Belvedere followed her with, “Missile launch, range seven-six-five thousand, impact thirty-five seconds.”

Missiles flashed around him and he glared at them, outraged. _What the **fuck?** We **know** those ships! They’ve got seven shots! Seven! Where the fuck did they get **eight?**_

Belvedere, and the universe, weren’t done fucking with him yet. “Missile launch. Range seven-one-zero thousand, impact thirty-three seconds.”

He ground his teeth. _Really? **Nine?** How in hell did they do **that?** And what’s with those dozen ships running away? What sort of crazy fucked-up shit are they pulling out of their asses this time? Hey, Universe, we got enough problems, we don’t need more!_

What the hell were they doing? Over a hundred ships boring in at full power, going all-out to pelt them with ineffective missiles, a dozen more pulling back. As before, Commander Buzam Calessa figured it out first. “Kamikaze! Main group is going to ram! Probably drones, controlled by that second group.”

That had to be it. The enemy couldn’t have an unlimited number of trained pilots. For the simple job of charging out of hiding and shooting off a swarm of self-guided missiles, they didn’t even _need_ pilots. Only a few, to direct the herd of automated ships and make sure the missiles did their job. If they didn’t…BC might have just saved their asses again by holding the Nirvana’s shields in reserve. The former Taraak Intelligence officer was a trained and experienced spy, and probably had the edge over all of them when it came to devious thinking.

They couldn’t do much but wait until the enemy ran out of ammunition. Lieutenant Coco almost sounded bored as she continued to report launches, interspersed with Lieutenant Slaintheva’s occasional updates on the suspected drone ships’ range and velocity. The constant rain of missiles kept them buttoned up inside VanDread Jura’s shield, unable to strike back. Ordinarily those ships had four missile launchers and a six-shot magazine for each one, but these had already fired eleven times. They must have done more than just add some remote-control software, like removing the cockpits and life-support systems completely to stuff in more missiles. How many more? There had to be a limit!

It turned out to be thirteen. They had probably chained another six-shot magazine onto each existing one, so the ships carried fifty-two missiles instead of their normal loadout of twenty-eight. When the fourteenth launch didn’t take place on schedule, BC acted decisively. “Red One, prepare to drop shield in fifteen seconds. Mister Garsus, Dread flights, target the main group. Jura, try to take out that second detachment.”

Jura added her voice to the ensuing chorus of _Aye aye_’s and studied her display sphere. The second group had dropped over 120,000 kilometers behind the suspected drones, falling further back at over 2,500 KPS and still decelerating on a vector directly away from the Nirvana. She tapped a few controls, curves and numbers appeared in the sphere, and she nodded. When he dropped their shield, the range would be about 460,000 KM and they would still be closing at 6,040 KPS, reducing as the enemy slowed. Not an easy shot, but not too hard either. The golden-haired pirate’s grin was almost…predatory in the flickering light of the second-to-last wave of missiles. He was unpleasantly reminded of all that old Taraak propaganda.

Amarone gave them another update. “Main group, one hundred seven ships, range three-three-zero thousand, closing at seven-two-zero-eight KPS.” She sounded puzzled. “They’re going to pass in front of us, in forty-five seconds.” It seemed BC was wrong about their intentions. The last wave of missiles punctuated her closing words.

Showtime.

He disabled their shield and reported, “Nirvana Command, this is Red One. Shields down.”

He returned control of the emitters to Jura, and she clustered them around the large disk again. The others had used the time for targeting too. Dreads unleashed lasers, plasma bolts and missiles, and those Vanguards armed with lasers joined in. The controller group must have seen the shield switch off and known what it meant, because they started jinking around and the drones pivoted to face the Nirvana. Like most small battlecraft their shields were concentrated at the nose, to a lesser extent at the tail, and lighter everywhere else. They couldn’t afford the mass and power consumption to be strong everywhere. It took numerous hits to break through their frontal shields, and that was now the only aspect they presented to the defenders. Missiles could try for side-shots, but their closing velocity at this range would be over 20,000 KPS and the target area was only about twenty meters by five, so scoring a hit would require luck bordering on the supernatural. Hammering their fore-shields was slower, but much more effective.

Amarone gave them some more news. “New vector! Enemy ships now on collision course, range two-eight-zero thousand, closing seven-two-three-zero, impact thirty-six seconds!” So the enemy had planned for re-orienting the drone ships.

Jura must have heard her, but didn’t react. Her attention was a light-second and a half away where the enemy’s command ships frantically shed their inbound velocity. She targeted them, half instruments, half intuition, punched the big blue button, watched the large disk pump energy into the others and bared her teeth as eight beams blazed out at the enemy. Three seconds later they saw two of them explode and a third stagger, then continue on with its shields almost gone. She was already picking out new targets.

The drone ships were shooting lasers back at them, but almost at random, and barely evading. Their shields easily shrugged off the few hits. Maybe the enemy hadn’t tied maneuvering and laser targeting into the control links, or maybe the command pilots were just too busy pissing themselves as Jura coolly took aim again.

The Nirvana erupted in light as Bart took his first shot, and Hibiki could see enemy shields flicker with laser hits. Plasma bolts reached them, and a few ships started to falter and fall behind. He was pretty much a spectator at this point; he couldn’t begin to match Jura’s ‘touch’ with the laser disks. She fired again. This time she picked out two ships, bracketed each one with four beams and got them both. “Oooh, I’m gooood!” she sang out.

He chuckled. “Yeah, you are. Do it again!” She laughed gaily, and did, just as the Nirvana lit up a second time. That made half of the command group she’d wiped out already.

The Nirvana’s first set of beams and the Dreads’ missiles struck home together, and more enemy ships slowed, veered off course or blew up. Bart had concentrated multiple beams on specific ships, getting over a dozen kills. Dreads and Vanguards were taking them out steadily, but there were still a hell of a lot of them left.

Amarone reported their progress. “Seventy-nine enemy ships still on collision course, range one-seven-zero thousand, closing seven-three-seven-zero, impact twenty-two seconds.”

Jura shot again and blew away two more, and Bart’s second salvo struck down another dozen-plus enemies. The range was less than half what it had been when they dropped the shield. Their kill rate increased as they scored more hits and wore down the enemies’ shields, but they were closing in fast.

BC gave terse orders. “Cease fire in five. Bart, expand the shield, Red One, reinforce.”

Jura nodded without looking up and he answered for her, “Aye, Commander.”

The others must have been waiting for this, and already picked out eight enemy ships. Three Dreads and two Vanguards ripped off long bursts of autocannon fire at each one, then they all pulled in close to the Nirvana. With luck, the shells might take out another ship or two.

Jura took her last shot and raised her hands, signaling him to take control again. He dispatched their disks as the Nirvana took one final shot, her shields faded, expanded around all the Dreads and Vanguards and returned to full strength. Jura grinned triumphantly as her last two targets bit the big one. The emitters locked in again, with them on the inside this time. She held her hand out, and after a short hesitation he took it. She trembled slightly as they looked into each other’s eyes and _willed_ their shield to hold, to keep them and their friends safe.

Amarone gave her final summary. “Thirty-three hostiles, closing at seventy-five-fifty KPS, impact in three!”

They did their best to prepare themselves for the event.

“Two!”

It seemed both a lot longer than three seconds, and a lot shorter.

**“ONE!”**

Half the shield flared to blinding incandescence from the kinetic energy as nearly three dozen eighty-ton masses rammed into it at more than 7,600 kilometers per second. He _felt_ the impacts, on his body and inside his head, like being pummeled with five-kilo iron balls. Their VanDread shuddered, he yelled, Bart wailed, Jura crushed his hand and screamed. It was over before the sounds reached their ears.

He felt like he’d blacked out for a second. He opened his eyes and groaned as a residue of pain echoed through his nerves. Jura opened hers, whimpering, and her hand slipped out of his. They could hear Bart moaning like the damned over their comm. He looked outside as the shield faded back to normal, just in time to see _something_ fly past them and out of sight. The Nirvana was right where they’d left her, and the Dreads and Vanguards seemed to be okay. VanDread Jura’s display sphere showed only the two ships Jura didn’t have time to kill, a couple dozen drone-ships that had been slowed down or knocked off course, passing behind them, and two that had somehow missed, now shooting away from them at almost 8,000 KPS, still accelerating. They had just made their closest approach to the asteroid cluster, and were now sweeping past it at almost 6,700 kilometers per second.

If BC was feeling any effects from their clash, it wasn’t evident. “Status report, all departments.” Some of the answers didn’t come through on any channel they were listening to, but they heard enough.

Four enemy ships had broken through the composite shield, possibly pounded through by other ships, smashed to junk, moving at mere hundreds of meters per second. Two passed between their ships and only hit the shield’s interior, but one glanced off the Nirvana’s mid-hull, doing some minor damage the Pyxis was already repairing. Bart complained that his stomach hurt. One hit a Dread, tore off its starboard wing and flung it against the shield, narrowly missing VanDread Jura. The pilot wasn’t answering her comm.

Without waiting for orders, three Vanguards moved to the stricken Dread, got hold of it and cautiously ferried it to the port-side Dread service bay. They landed inside and clumped forward, carrying more than twice their combined mass, and set it down close to the back, out of the way. It was an impressive display of coordination. They turned, marched to the doorway, launched back into space, and the outer doors closed behind them.

BC must have been watching, too. “Good work, Vanguard Group. Red One, outstanding job, take down the shield again. Everybody back into formation, we’re joining our Dread squadrons. Miss Elden, I see two enemy ships getting away, would you mind doing something about that?”

Jura gave the Commander a shaky chuckle. “I think I can show ‘em how much we care, Ma’am.”

Hibiki pushed the buttons again, recalling their repeater disks, then lifted his hands, giving control back to her. She re-formed the laser configuration and targeted the last two fleeing ‘command’ ships. This time she seemed to be relying almost entirely on instruments and hardly at all on ‘feel’, and she took a lot longer. She tapped the button and watched with trepidation, then smiled in relief when both ships blew up. She had time, now; she could have taken a dozen shots or more, but it would have…lacked class. He looked at her, she nodded agreement, and in a few seconds he was alone in his Vanguard again. He dropped into position behind the Nirvana. Jura and her squadron returned to the ship, and some of the former reserve Dreads took their places. Most of the Vanguards swapped out too, but he felt like staying outside. They accelerated again, and the asteroid cluster shrunk behind them.

Five minutes later one of the Dread pilots asked, “What happened to Terena? Is she hurt?”

A voice from the Nirvana answered, “She’s got a broken arm, a concussion and some internal injuries. Doctor McFile says she’s in serious condition now, but he expects her to be okay. She’ll be out of action for a few weeks, though.”

“Oh, no, that’s too bad. Good about her being okay, though.” Other voices agreed with her.

The long chase dragged on. After about half an hour he decided that a return to the Nirvana was in order. “Nirvana Control, Gold One, request permission to dock.”

He waited several seconds and heard, “Gold One, Nirvana Control, permission granted. Vanguard bay is clear.”

“Nirvana Control, aye. Coming in.” He made a good entry, parked his Vanguard and powered down, opened its canopy and climbed to the deck. He waved to the mechanics connecting power cables and fuel lines, then headed for the john. His flight suit was equipped to deal with calls of nature, but he preferred not to make use of those features. A quick trip to the john was much tidier.

Ten minutes later he was ready to go. “Nirvana Control, Gold One, request launch clearance.”

This time the response was almost immediate. “Gold One, clear to launch.” He shot outside and returned to his station off the Nirvana’s stern. Far ahead, their Dreads were finally running down that first batch of enemy ships they’d encountered. Another battle would start in a few minutes, without him. They had the enemy outnumbered, their ships were quicker and more maneuverable, their pilots well-trained, experienced and well-led. They should win without too much trouble.

So _why_ did he have this ominous feeling that something was wrong?

Maybe it was leftover tension from the attack on the Nirvana. Maybe a pessimistic certainty that an easy victory was too good to be true. Maybe he was just feeling useless, so far away and unable to affect the approaching encounter. He took his hands off the controls, clenched his fists and tried to settle his nerves. It helped, but only a little.

When he heard the announcement that catastrophe was upon them, it was almost a relief.

Meia’s voice rang out of his comm, “All Dreads, _go active!_ Bearing three-five-six through zero-zero-eight relative, ascension plus-two, full spectrum, maximum power!”

It was something no one could have expected. She had just ordered them to do the unthinkable, to make their Dreads glaring beacons for enemy fire control, an act of such astounding stupidity that it should get them all killed in seconds. Why would she do such a thing?

_Somehow, Meia had seen something, felt something, **sensed** something that nobody else did. Her attention was drawn to a particular patch of space, one that **looked** exactly like any other patch but somehow **felt** different. She didn’t know how or why, but she immediately knew **what** to do. She punched up all the Command Priority channels and snapped out her orders directly to the pilots. There was no time for them to be passed on through the Flight Leaders. If her pilots hesitated, if their trust in her faltered, they would lose their only chance of responding to whatever it was that caused their Flight Commander’s stomach to knot up with a premonition of disaster._

They didn’t. Some of them might have harbored doubts, but their confidence in their leader was unshaken. None of them delayed more than a few seconds before implementing Meia’s insane orders. After an agonizing wait a rash of unidentified returns filled their screens. Flight Leader Three summed it up for everybody: “Bogeys, Flight Commander! Multiple— make that a **_shitload_** of bogeys! They’re everywhere!”

The data was relayed to his Vanguard, and his gut twisted at the sight. More of those damned raiders, a _lot_ more, and almost on top of the unsuspecting Dreads. How had they gotten that close, unseen? It didn’t matter, they were _there_ and had to be dealt with. He dodged around the Nirvana and went to maximum acceleration. “Nirvana Control, Gold One, moving out! Headed for…_that!”_

He heard Meia’s response an instant later. “Hostiles! Designate _all_ as hostiles! Auto target assignment by squadrons — shoot as you get target lock! All weapons! Take ‘em out!”

It took the Nirvana’s flight controllers several seconds to answer, and they were clearly still catching up with the situation. “Gold One, right…okay, go join Meia’s group. Um, do what you — I mean, use your own initiative. Coordinate with Flight Commander Gisborn.”

“Will do, Nirvana Control.” It was what he was going to do anyway, but it was nice to have approval. What was he heading for, though? How had those ships gotten there, and where had they come from? What was happening _now?_ Everything he saw, and heard, happened almost two minutes ago.

_Somewhere out there in the dark, far beyond scanner range and at least twenty hours before, another large group of enemy ships had turned their noses to the inner system, accelerated to six percent of light-speed, and then gone dark. Engines off, reactors cut back to the barest ember, no emissions, with even life support dialed down to minimum, effectively invisible, they would appear as if from nowhere and rip through the Dread formations as the “fleeing” raiders suddenly turned to attack. They had known exactly where those ‘ghost ships’ would be, had carefully adjusted their course to bring the Dreads to intercept them._

Instead, Meia’s Dreads lit them up while the decoy group was still focused on leading them to _just_ the right spot and the bushwhackers were completely unprepared. Their targeting computers took only a few seconds to fix the enemy ships’ positions and vectors, then shut down the perilous active scanners. Whatever intuition warned the veteran Dread Commander, she had anticipated the enemy by over a minute so that instead of falling into their trap, she caught them in hers.

A barrage — a _storm_ — of lasers, plasma bolts and missiles lashed out. Only a few pilots took Meia literally and wasted autocannon rounds; the range was far too long for that. Ordinarily it would be too long for anything except missiles, but this was not an ordinary situation. The enemy ships were frantically cold-starting their engines, bringing up reactors and shields and ECM, but that took time. Thirty seconds or more, and until then they were inert, helpless targets. The lasers reached them in five seconds, plasma bolts in nine, and missiles in twenty-five to thirty-five. There was time to cycle the lasers three times each, the slower-firing plasma cannons twice, and shoot three salvos of missiles. The enemy stopped or evaded some of the missiles.

For half a minute new stars flashed and died in the night, before the surviving enemy ships got power up and started to maneuver, and strike back. There were more than forty of them remaining and they were still on course to shoot right through the Dread formations, leaving Meia’s ladies no choice but to scatter and evade even as the decoy group turned on them.

“On your six, on your six! Break left!”

“Break, aye…”

“Take that, shithead! Yeee-haw!”

“Nice fireworks there, toots! There’s another one…”

“Try to be more on the ball. There’s a _bunch_ more of ‘em.”

“Urkkh. Dammit, Flight Leader, I liked it a lot better when _we_ had _them_ outnumbered.”

“Hey, we blew a whole horde of ‘em away before they could get their shit together—”

“Yeah, great, so there’s only _half_ a shitload of ‘em left!”

“Aw, come on, that’s less than half a shitload. A little less, anyway.”

“Still too many for me!”

“This asshole is pissin’ me off!”

“Wouldn’ ya know it? Perfect missile lock, and _no fucking missiles!”_

Meia and the Flight Leaders weren’t even trying to maintain comm discipline. Their squadrons were dispersed and mingled with the raiders in such confusion that nobody could make enough sense of it to give coherent orders. They relied on the individual pilots to pull themselves back together, and their jesting complaints and wisecracks helped. They all kept their attention on the enemies around them, evaded their attacks, hit the ones they could, and tried to pull some overall picture out of the disorder. It was hard to tell who was more disorganized, them or the raiders.

After a few minutes, though, their superior training and experience started to tell. They outmaneuvered the enemy ships, gained the initiative and began to take control of the engagement. He could hear Meia taking the first steps to re-establish their command structure. Dreads linked up, coordinated their attacks and defense. The raiders…didn’t, at least not in any systematic way. Individually they were fairly competent, but they didn’t support each other, didn’t watch each other’s backs. It was like they had never heard of group tactics, never worked together, never learned to trust each other. Whoever trained those pilots was about as stupid as they could be. It was dead easy for two or three Dreads to gang up on individual enemies and obliterate them one after another.

Still, there were a lot of them, they were all fighting back as best they could, and some of them _did_ have some vague idea of how to work together. The battle spread out, huge, confused, chaotic, and deadly. The Dread squadrons had dissolved and nobody could spare time or attention to re-form them. They joined up as pairs and triples, and even those broke up and mixed up as ad-hoc partnerships formed to blast one enemy, then split up to go after others. None of them could spare any attention for anything beyond their own little slice of Hell.

The ambush group made things very interesting for a couple of minutes as they raced in shooting, zipped through, flipped their ships and continued to fight while decelerating, but they soon passed out of range. The decoy group was heading towards them, battling with the Dreads and pulling them along, but they were still moving apart at thousands of kilometers per second. It would take them more than twenty minutes to kill their velocities, and still more time to get into effective combat range again. Space battles often went that way — brief, intense deathmatches followed by long, tedious minutes spent getting back into position to do it some more.

Hibiki…_felt_ something. As if somebody had hailed him, called out his name, but was too far away for him to hear them. He checked his comm, but there hadn’t been any incoming signals other than the pilots’ wild, confused chatter. He shook his head. There was no way he could have heard anything from here. He returned his attention to the battle ahead, where the Dread groups were using Meia’s training and discipline to thrash the enemy despite starting the action ambushed and outnumbered. Why, by the time he reached the area there probably wouldn’t be anybody left to fight!

And so it came to pass. Hibiki was still minutes away when, after nearly an hour of desperate action, the enemy survivors broke off raggedly and fled towards the outer system. Three regrouped Dread squadrons chased off after them, but Meia called them back. Everybody was low on missiles, most were flat empty, and they were all worn out from the intense combat. There _probably_ weren’t any more nasty surprises lurking out there to bite them on the ass, but nobody wanted to find out the hard way that there were. Flight Commander Gisborn ordered them all to withdraw.

Five Dreads did not acknowledge her orders, or return to the Nirvana.

The Captain, BC, Meia and Gascogne immediately organized a Search And Rescue operation. What they could reconstruct of the battle, what they knew of the energies employed, defined a maximum volume of space which any inert forty-kilogram mass could not have escaped. It was a large, moving, expanding volume, but still within their capabilities if they started immediately. They surrounded the leading edge with every remaining Dread, every Vanguard, the Nirvana herself, everything they had that was still capable of maneuvering in space, and started through, scanning for all they were worth. They did not care about debris, so they set their thresholds at one-half meter, and ten kilograms; nothing smaller would be considered a survivor, a body, or even a body part worth retrieving.

At first they found only minor objects, then a few enemy ships which they either ignored, or blasted with lasers and plasma cannons if they showed any residual energy. There was no time to waste on the enemy if they wanted to complete their search. They started to encounter Dread debris, and concentrated even more carefully on their scanner displays.

Two hours in, Vallois found a large object sending out emergency pulses and identified it as a wrecked Dread. Gascogne hastened to bring it aboard her supply shuttle and headed back for the Nirvana while her Reg ladies started picking it apart. They had to cut the Dread away in pieces, but got the pilot out and rushed her to sick bay in critical condition. Duelo was fairly confident of keeping her alive, and back on Mejere they could regenerate the worst of her injuries. She should make a full recovery, eventually.

Three hours later Fione made a similar find and they repeated the exercise, but this time there were no life signs. They ran her to sick bay anyway, and got Duelo’s sad confirmation that it was too late for her. Dejected, they carried her body to the Vanguard bay; no point taking up space that might be needed for the living. They put their grief on hold and continued searching for someone they might help.

Hibiki made the next contact, but saw immediately that there was no chance. Her Dread must have been blown apart by a missile because she was spinning through space in only her flight suit, her left leg torn off at the knee and jagged pieces of metal embedded in her back. His scanners had picked up the metal first. He felt sick with terror until he confirmed that she was someone he barely knew. Wordlessly he handed her body off to a service runabout and pushed on.

Lorin found a Dread that had indeed been blown apart and Meia matched it to the body Hibiki recovered. It had now been fourteen hours since the battle ended and any hope of finding more survivors was almost gone. Dreads were short-range craft with limited life support and even the searchers had less than twenty hours remaining. The Vanguards had already been back to the Nirvana once to recharge and refuel.

Meia found the second-to-last of the missing. Her Dread was shot to pieces and so was she. Even her emergency transmitters were shot out. Gascogne ferried the wreck back to the Nirvana to be sorted out and her body put with the others. They hadn’t found any better place for their impromptu morgue than the Vanguard bay.

Hibiki was forced to return to the Nirvana again where he ran to the john and then stood impatiently beside his Vanguard, popping Taraak food pills and sipping water without tasting either. The instant they started disconnecting the fuel lines he climbed up and strapped in. He took off without a word to anybody and resumed his place in the search formation.

He stared at his scanner screens with fanatical concentration. Every time he located a drifting, tumbling piece of debris he thought _not her not her oh please let it not be her_ as hard as he could, and all but held his breath until he identified it. Luck was with him so far; none of them were. He started blasting the derelict enemy ships out of sheer frustration, whether they were worth cannon shells or not.

Thirty-one hours after the battle ended they finished sweeping the entire volume of space where anything larger than two-thirds of a human body in a flight suit might have reached. They had found enemy ships, pieces of enemy ships, bodies of enemy pilots, three spent missiles that had failed to self-destruct — two enemy, one of theirs — which they stayed well away from, four Dreads and their pilots, pieces of those Dreads, pieces of other Dreads that had been damaged but returned to the Nirvana, and a few natural space objects. They had not found the fifth missing Dread, or its pilot.

Lieutenant JG Dita Liebely, and her blue Dread, were _gone_.

There was no trail, no trace, no debris, not a clue. Only an absence. No one had seen her distinctive blue Dread since the enemy got their engines lit and the formations broke up. She had abruptly dropped out of communication shortly after that, and her transponder and IFF had stopped acknowledging at the same time. All attempts to get any response from her or her Dread had returned the same silence. There was nothing from the emergency transmitter in her Dread, or the one in her flight suit. Nobody had seen what happened to her; they had been too scattered, too confused, too busy fighting for their own lives. Hibiki worked his way out from her last known position, scanning, broadcasting her ID codes and listening, until his Vanguard ran low on fuel and life support again. He returned to the Nirvana for more food pills and fuel, then resumed his search, accompanied by Meia, Jura, and every pilot who was able to go out again.

The Nirvana joined them, and together they spread out, scanning, broadcasting, listening, inspecting every ice ball and rock in their path, finding nothing. Dreads started rotating out of the search, taking turns refueling and recharging, their pilots getting a few hours’ sleep, but Hibiki drove himself on. He returned to the Nirvana three more times, only long enough to run to the john, gobble food pills, wait while they replenished his Vanguard, and launch again.

As the hours wore on, fewer and fewer Dreads were returning to the search, until only Meia and Jura hung on, mostly to keep an eye on him. They started talking to him, too, telling him that the search was going nowhere but off into empty space. Gascogne joined them, and BC, and finally Captain Magno herself tried, both as captain and in her more grandmotherly way, to make him see that they weren’t accomplishing anything. They weren’t _quite_ ready to order him to abandon his search, not yet. He couldn’t stop them from talking, but he didn’t have to answer. They finally gave it up as hopeless, but Meia and Jura continued to say a few words from time to time, for the company. He was secretly grateful to them.

His Vanguard forced him back to the Nirvana again, and as he got out he saw a group of women standing off to one side of the Vanguard bay. He shuffled slowly towards them and they shifted to make room for him. Meia and Jura walked in just then, still in their flight suits, and the mourners made room for them too. He got his first clear look at their casualties.

Power cables led to their flight suits, and the environmental controls had been turned down to just a few degrees above freezing to preserve the bodies. At least one of the redundant systems in each suit must still be working. The women — girls — looked sad, vulnerable, empty and far too young, and for the first time he felt tears starting. He suddenly saw that their battles were not about excitement and challenge, pitting their skills against the enemy and winning. They were about…this.

He looked around the group and saw Meia two places to his left, Vallois, looking down and wiping her eyes, Fione, tired and defeated, and Jura, leaning against Barnette, who was looking at him. Her customary hostility was absent, and he wasn’t sure what he was seeing in its place. She nodded her head toward him before looking away. He was a man, and she in particular had something against men, but for today she had put it aside. Today he shared their loss, felt their pain, cried with them, and that was enough.

He had never really thought about the enemy before. They were just…opponents. They got in the way of his duty to protect the Nirvana, and the people of friendly star systems. You found them, kicked their asses, and went on with your life. This brought it home, made it personal.

_They took Dita from me. They took the whole universe from these women. My shipmates. Everything they ever were, everything they might have been, all reduced to three broken bodies lying on the deck. I thought Seran taught me what death meant, but I didn’t learn the whole lesson. They should have had so much more, and now they have nothing. It’s such a waste. The only thing that could make this worse would be…four bodies._

He knew it was selfish of him to be glad Dita wasn’t lying here instead of one of these women, but he couldn’t help it. Two of them were casual friends, and the third was the one he’d recovered, a new pilot he had seen only a few times in passing. He didn’t even know her name until Meia matched her to the flight roster. He had thought her death would be easier to take, but the fact that he had known almost nothing about her when her personal universe came to an end, would never get a chance to know her, made the tragedy feel even greater.

_I’m sorry, Ensign Jena Cantor. I’m sorry I never took the time to learn your name, talk to you, laugh with you, find out who you were before it was too late. What can I say to the people who did know you, the people who loved you? Nothing. I am useless to you, and to them._

He scrubbed at the tears, and saw that his Vanguard’s refueling was finished. He couldn’t help anyone here, but there might still be something he could do for someone else. If he wasn’t too late for her, too. He forced his feet to carry him across those dozen meters, started to climb back into his Vanguard, and then everything went dark…

* * *

“Gyaaah!” Hibiki sat up convulsively, gasping for breath, damp and chill with sweat, the sheet and blanket flopping away from his shoulders. Where was he? The lights were low, but he could see that this wasn’t his room. Where was his Vanguard? He had to get out of here, back to the search! Every second he wasted was one less chance of finding Dita! He became aware of something warm and soft along his right side. He turned and looked down just in time to meet a woman’s dawning smile. What the hell was going on? Barnette? Why was he in a strange bed, sleeping with Barnette? Why was she _smiling_ like that? Why were they both **_naked?_**

Barnette’s smile vanished as she saw his staring eyes and haunted expression. “Hibiki, what is it? What’s wrong?” She sat up and took him in her arms.

He struggled and tried to crawl across her and out of the bed. “What are you— the search! Let me go! I gotta get back out there! Dita’s still missing! She…”

Reality crashed over him. Their search had failed. The Nirvana had left that system three years ago while he was passed out, and on awakening even he had been forced to admit that nothing more was to be found there. He’d spent more than thirty hours searching for the missing, then almost fifty-five more specifically looking for Dita _after_ his stint escorting the Nirvana, breaking the first ambush, and racing towards the second. He had been in his Vanguard for over ninety hours with seven ten-minute breaks; awake and active for nearly a hundred. It was a not-so-minor miracle he hadn’t passed out much earlier.

He didn’t care, and nobody had been able to assuage his guilt. Dita was gone, he had failed to find her, and he refused to make — or accept — any excuses. He had delegated what duties he could, rushed through the rest, claimed a computer workstation near the Vanguard bay and started re-analyzing all the search data. Finding Dita Liebely had just become the sole purpose of his life.

His sense of urgency had kind of faded after all this time, and recently he had been presented with new priorities. He was sleeping with Barnette because she had given herself to him without reserve, and helped him start to live again. She was pushing the loneliness and despair back, letting him put his life and his search for Dita into a saner perspective. She was smiling like that because of the wonderful, magical evening they had shared just a few hours ago. What a lousy time for that damned nightmare to torment him again!

His arms went around her, still shaking from the nightmare, tears ran from his eyes and a low wail started deep in his throat. He tried to choke it down but Barnette squeezed him tight, kissed his cheek and murmured in his ear, “Let it out, Hibiki. Let it all out, my dear, and don’t try to hold anything back. You’ve been holding it back for far too long. This pain has been festering inside of you, poisoning you, and it’s way past time to cast it off.”

His resistance decreased little by little. He protested weakly, “B-Barnette. I’m, s-sorry. I-I don’t…”

She held him close and rocked him tenderly, her own tears trickling down to mix with his. “Shhhhhh. It’s all right. You have nothing to be sorry about. There is no shame in needing a little help to deal with this. You don’t have to suffer alone. I wish you’d brought this to me a long time ago. Let me help you now. I’m here for you, and I will never leave you.”

He was sobbing now, deep, racking sobs that shook them both, clinging to her desperately. She reached down and stacked both pillows against the wall behind her, then leaned back until she reclined with his head cradled on her bosom. She held him, stroked his back, and his hair, as she continued to croon softly to him, “Give it to _me_, Hibiki. Pour it all out, and let me take it away. It can’t hurt me, because it’s not my pain, and if you give it to me it can’t hurt you any more either.”

After a time the sobs dwindled and words came to him, almost against his will. She didn’t let him hold those back, either. “You can talk to me, my dearest. Say anything you want, anything that comes into your head, whether it makes sense or not. Tell me everything, and it will help you heal.”

Gradually, he allowed her to coax the whole story out of him. She had been in that battle, but she hadn’t seen it from his perspective, powerless to affect the action from so far away and only able to pick up the pieces afterward. Most of the pieces. Her role in the search hadn’t been so personal, so intense. When he ran out of words she encouraged him to keep crying, until he ran out of tears. Until he emptied out the loneliness and heartache he’d been carrying for three long years and lay quietly, wrung out, and drifted off to sleep. She settled back, careful not to disturb him, pulled the sheet and blanket up over them both, and was soon asleep herself.

* * *

He hadn’t taken her advice, not completely. There was something he _had_ held back, something he couldn’t tell her. Sometimes his search didn’t end in failure.

Sometimes it was worse.

The nights he found her body, burned by lasers, torn by kinetic strikes, mangled by explosives — or any of the other horrible ways he had seen people he cared about die — those were the nights he woke howling into his pillow. Somehow her beautiful blue eyes were always untouched, wide open, fixing him with a blank accusing stare.


	10. We Have Found The Enemy…

Hibiki woke with a conviction that something was out of place. His chest and head rested on something warm and comforting that rose and fell slowly. He opened his eyes to find something smoothly rounded and pinkish-white almost touching his nose, too close to see clearly. Fragments of memory wandered home until he recognized Barnette’s breast. The soft cushion under his head must be her other one. He frowned as more memories reported in. That damned old nightmare. Jolting awake, confused, disoriented, panicked, the same as always. Then, something new. Barnette, holding him, consoling him, protecting him, persuading him to do what he had never dared, to let the tears and the pain take hold of him and run their course.

Good Barnette. Wise Barnette. This was the first time he had ever been able to get back to sleep after the nightmare. She had done so much for him, in such a short time. He still missed Dita, but the emptiness no longer consumed him. Barnette had given him something else to feel, something more, something as warm and sweet as herself. His frown relaxed, he let himself be reassured by her presence and sighed contentedly. He had to be the luckiest man in the galaxy, to have such an amazing woman care so deeply about him. He cared just as much about her. He would do anything for her, give her everything that was his to give.

That would have to wait. Right now there was something he had to do for himself. The men’s john was a long walk from this part of the ship, and he had some pressing business there. He cautiously slipped his lover’s arm off him and worked his way out of her bed without waking her up, looked down at her, still half propped up on her pillows, and smiled. She was so beautiful…he didn’t think he could ever tire of looking at her.

Her…garments were on top of his clothes, reminding him how the first sight of her had taken his breath away last night. He picked them up and set them on the lower cabinets, then got back into his own clothes. He grinned and wondered if there was something a man could wear that a woman would find so…spellbinding. He doubted it. He bent down, draped the sheet and blanket around her shoulders, and kissed her forehead. She smiled a little in her sleep.

* * *

Hibiki found himself once again in the Nirvana’s core, regarding the Pyxis thoughtfully. He still felt Dita’s presence, but this morning there was a difference. Not in the _feeling_, not in Dita, not in the Pyxis, but in him.

He had fallen in love with Barnette Orangello.

This was as unexpected as everything else about her, but these feelings he was having, the ones that had been building over the past week, that had started to form, dimly, even before then — they couldn’t mean anything else. Barnette was passionate and brilliant and understanding, strong and caring and beautiful, and he wanted to stay with her for the rest of his life. He would try to tell her all of this tonight, after they finished with the Maddalen system.

This was what should have been with Dita, if he hadn’t been such a stubborn idiot. If he had accepted her feelings — her love — for him, and his for her. If he hadn’t pushed her away, hadn’t turned his back on her, if only he had _been there_ when she really needed him. But he hadn’t been, and then suddenly it was too late. You could drive yourself batshit crazy with what-if’s and might-have-been’s but nothing can change what-is.

Barnette was right. If, when, he found Dita she would no longer be the girl he remembered. Maybe that was why she _felt_ so wrong, when he stood here. She had become a different person, a stranger, after years of unknown experiences. How could she still feel the same way about him? Three years apart had changed him, too. How could he feel the same about her?

_I have not given up. I **will** find you, Dita. I swore that I would, and nothing has changed that. Somehow, someday I will bring you home to your friends, and we will all be glad to have you back. You and I may regret what could have been, but Barnette is your friend too, and I hope you’ll be happy for us._

He couldn’t undo his old mistakes, or deny the love he had found. Dita was his past. His future would be with Barnette. He turned and headed back to her quarters; they should be able to steal a few more minutes together before the crew started stirring and he had to sneak out.

* * *

Barnette was just as he had left her. Hibiki sat on her bed, leaned down, rested his hands on her shoulders and kissed her firmly on the lips. After a few seconds she stirred, said, “Mmmmmm?” and blinked her eyes, then opened her mouth and reached for him with her tongue. They took their time.

He sat up and smiled at her. “Good morning, Barnette.”

The bedclothes slipped down as she yawned, stretched and returned his smile. “Good morning, Hibiki dear.” She held her arms out and he bent down for another kiss.

Tonight. She would talk to Jura tonight, and he would tell her, and then they would have days and nights and mornings, kisses and sex forever. They could get married, as they had seen people do on planets where men and women hadn’t been kept apart. Barnette would be…his wife. He would be her husband. The thought was strange and scary and wondrous all at once. He would tell her that too, if not tonight, then soon. He was sure she would say yes.

They broke again and she looked him over. “You’re all dressed.” She sounded disappointed.

“Had to go to the john,” he explained, leaving out a few details. “And, I can’t stay here much longer.” Now he sounded disappointed, too.

She looked down at herself, then up at him, teasingly. “Not even a little longer?”

He grinned and squeezed her breast. “Maybe just a little.” He bent down again and put his mouth over her nipple.

She moaned, closed her eyes and clasped her arms around him. “Oh my. Ohhhhh. That feels soooo good.”

He didn’t want to stop, but there was something he _had_ to tell her, right now. He rested his head on her shoulder. “Thank you, Barnette. You, um…you really helped me, with the…the…”

“The nightmare, darling? The pain, and the loss? I was glad to help you. I wish you’d let me help you a long time ago. It’s not something you should have to deal with all alone.” She hugged him tight. “How long, Hibiki? How many times have you suffered through that nightmare without me, my dear?”

He still didn’t want to talk about it, but she had been right so far, about everything. “It started…a few days…after. Every three, four nights, there’d be one. It was…pretty bad, back then. I…stayed up, didn’t want to sleep, sometimes. Now, the last one was three, over three weeks ago, and they’re not so bad any more.”

She held him tighter. He’d scared the bejeezus out of her last night, and in the beginning they’d been _worse?_ He’d looked at her like a stranger, like he had completely forgotten everything they were to each other, and she’d felt a helpless panic. Was that panic what he felt, about Dita? She held him, this time more for her comfort than his. Every three or four nights, and now three years later, every three or four weeks. Over a hundred nightmares in all, most likely. “I wish I could have been there for you. It’s easier, if you’re not alone.” She felt a few tears start. “You don’t have to be alone, ever again.”

He was sure of what he wanted, now. “I don’t want to be alone. I want to be with you, Barnette. You’re my girlfriend.”

She smiled ecstatically. “Oh, Hibiki, you’re my boyfriend. You _are_ with me, now and always. I’ll talk to Jura today, and tonight you can sleep with me again, and we won’t have to worry about not being seen.”

He lifted his head and kissed her, and she moaned and kissed him back. _I’ve got something to tell you tonight, too, Barnette. Maybe a few things._

They both wanted to continue, but they knew that they were already pushing their luck. Hibiki sat up, and Barnette worked her way out of the covers, swung her feet to the floor and sat up beside him. “I’ll go look.” She got to her feet and padded to the door as he took in a novel view of…the woman he loved. He stood up as she opened it carefully and peeked outside. She turned to him. “Clear.”

He was already standing behind her, and put his hands around her waist. They shared one last kiss before he ducked out and walked purposefully toward the men’s part of the Nirvana. She watched him go with a smile, and a restless anticipation for tonight.

* * *

Hibiki had almost reached the chow line when he saw Barnette approaching. He loitered until she got there. “Good morning, Barnette.” He was powerfully reminded of the last time he’d said that, less than half an hour ago.

“Good morning, Hibiki.” Her voice still held a little of that thrilling tone he’d heard last night. Or was that just his memory?

They stood in the line together and neither of them felt any need to say more as they picked up their food. They spotted Meia and exchanged five-way ‘Good mornings’ as they joined her, Fione and Celise. They all ate quietly for a few minutes before Celise asked the question on all their minds, “What do you think we’ll find today?”

Meia shook her head. “None of us know. Parfet did a great job digging what she did out of that data, but there just wasn’t much to work with. We’ll have to be careful, try to be ready for anything, look out for each other, and deal with whatever we find. That’s…about all I can tell you.”

Nobody was satisfied with that, but there was nothing they could do about it except grumble and eat their breakfasts. And worry, without knowing what to worry about. It tended to suppress conversation, and they were all relieved to be interrupted.

“Mind if we sit here?” They all looked up to see Vonna Riesen, with Karl Brody behind her, both looking slightly diffident.

Barnette smiled at them cheerfully. “Of course you can sit with us. We’re pretty informal when we’re off duty. Not like those stuck-up Space Force officers, who don’t think anybody more than one rank below them is even human!”

They all had a chuckle at that. There were three empty seats, and Barnette unobtrusively watched the pair as they chose to sit side-by-side across from her. She smiled again, pleased. “Now we get the chance to ask how your experiment is going after three days. How are you two getting along?”

“Good, Commander.” It looked like their experiment was working; Karl seemed to find Barnette and the other women less intimidating now. “I, uh, I mean we, talked to Major Tokai yesterday, and, um…”

Apparently he still had a ways to go. Hibiki finished for him, “They caught me in my office last night and asked to be assigned as partners. I grilled them just a bit, and they had some well-thought-out reasons so I made the assignment, effective today. Subject to your approval of course, Meia.”

Meia was pleased, too. “I approve, Hibiki. I’ll get it logged before we deploy.”

He smiled. “That’s great. They told me they’ve been using the simulators in their free time, and…what was that score, Vonna?”

He’d surprised her, but she recovered quickly. “Twenty-three points above average in combined force exercise Gamma-five-eight, Commander.” She’d only raised her voice a little, this time.

Eyes widened around the table. “That’s impressive. Good work, both of you,” Meia congratulated them.

“Thank you…Miss Meia.” Karl was definitely more at ease around women today.

Conversation stalled again at that point as they all returned to their uncertain worries. This time, Jura provided the relief. “Mornin’ everybody.”

They all replied quietly as she took the last seat, beside Fione. She looked around at their glum and unsettled faces and asked them, “What’s wrong? We haven’t even seen the enemy and you’re all looking like you’ve already been beat! How do you expect us to win if we start out with that sort of attitude?”

They laughed apprehensively. Jura was right, but only up to a point. They were all familiar with pre-battle nerves, but this time _was_ a little different. This would be the first time they faced these raiders on what could be considered their home turf. What resources might they have available in Maddalen, that they didn’t or couldn’t take along on raids to other people’s star systems? How much harder would they fight, where they had fixed assets that couldn’t just skip out when threatened? This had the potential to be a much nastier engagement than they were used to.

Hibiki looked around the table, at some of his best friends in the whole universe. He regretted withdrawing from them when he’d needed them most. No matter what they found today, even if they encountered a strong enemy force and had to fight for their lives, he couldn’t ask for better company than these women. Damn those old men on Taraak and their lies!

He didn’t get much longer to enjoy their company. Time ticked on inexorably to their scheduled arrival at Maddalen, and they had to prepare. By ones and twos they said their quiet good-byes and left the table until only Jura remained to finish her last pancake.

* * *

Hibiki opened his suit locker, started to reach inside and felt a hand on his arm. He turned to find Barnette looking into his eyes. She wrapped her arms around him, squeezed until his ribs complained and spoke into his ear with quiet intensity. “Be careful out there. You hear me, Hibiki Tokai? None of your crazy harebrained stunts. You come back to me!”

His first impulse was to make a flippant reply, but something stopped him. Instead, he held her tight and said in a low voice, “I’ll do my best, Barnette. You be careful, too. Let’s both come back to each other.”

She nodded, held him a little longer, then let go and stepped back. They were partially hidden behind his locker door and nobody seemed to be paying attention to them. Even if some of the Vanguard jockeys saw them, it was most unlikely they would say anything to Jura, or the other women, and certainly not before the mission was over.

He tried to sound casual. “See you at the after-party, Barnette.”

She smiled. “See you there, Hibiki.” She turned and walked away.

_Barnette…I want to be with you forever. I have waited, and waited, and I’m through with waiting. Life is too short, and too uncertain. Tonight I will tell you I love you, and ask you to marry me._

He watched her until she was out of sight, then turned back to the locker, pulled out his flight suit, carried it to his Vanguard and started climbing into it.

* * *

“Hyperdrive shutdown in twenty seconds,” Bart announced.

Amarone Slaintheva followed up with, “Tactical, standing by.”

Belvedere Coco added, “Ready on shields.”

The other bridge officers watched their displays intently, set to report anything of significance.

Captain Magno 2 Vivan looked down on one of the best crews she had ever worked with. Her sister-twin had told her about them, back when they were scheming to get her this job. “Give them a chance, Two. They call themselves pirates, they may be a little rough around the edges, but when it counts, they’re the best. If you trust them, and show them they can trust you, they’ll never let you down.” She’d been right. After three years, she wouldn’t trade this gang of ruffians for any other crew in the galaxy.

Some day they might bring more men into the crew, but for now, aside from Bart and the other Taraak helmsmen, all of the Nirvana’s Operations officers were women. They attracted male attention on every planet they visited, and not always the good kind. When some particularly insolent specimens mockingly called them ‘bridge bunnies’ and they found out what that meant, they had angrily told the offenders to fuck off, along with plenty of other vulgar insults. Some responded by trying to intimidate them, and found that Mejere Pirates just don’t _do_ intimidated, and they know how to deal with enemies. A few tried to take it further and were left, if not wiser or less insolent, certainly a lot more wary of tangling with strange women who never back down. Both the Mejere Pirates and the Space Force took personal combat training quite seriously, and Mejere’s surface gravity of 10.42 meters per second squared, a little over 1.06 Standard G, made the women who grew up there tougher and stronger than most men thought they’d be. All of them recovered, but some had to give up chasing women for a while.

Those incidents hadn’t helped the process of integrating the Nirvana’s crew, not one bit.

“Hyperdrive shutdown,” Bart reported. Around them, blackness and stars replaced the unnatural view of hyperspace. “Emergence into normal space…normal. Finding our position.”

“Shields up,” Belvedere called out.

Lieutenant Slaintheva took a little longer, scrutinizing her displays. “No activity, no signals. Space around us looks clear, out to at least fifteen light-seconds. Still scanning.”

One of the most important principles of space combat was, ‘Don’t emit energy’. Of course, it is impossible even to survive in space without using energy, but you try to minimize the energy your ship puts out. Their arrival had probably been noticed, or would be when the impulses reached somebody’s receivers, but only the bare fact that a ship had dropped out of hyper. They could prevent the enemy from learning much about their nature and identity by minimizing their emissions.

Bart completed his survey. “Position confirmed, less than six light-seconds off the mark. Ready to maneuver.” A system schematic appeared above the helm station, showing the Nirvana as a bright green arrowhead with a circle around it, pointing away from the asteroid belt. The enemy’s probable location was indicated by a fuzzy yellow cloud that looked a short distance away, but was in reality over a light-minute from their current location.

Sitting here wouldn’t accomplish anything. Captain Magno issued her orders. “Get us under way for the objective, six KPS squared. Launch Dreads and Vanguards, and push our screen out. Find the enemy, before they find us.”

BC nodded. “Aye, Captain. Commander Gisborn, Commander Tokai, launch the Dreads and Vanguards. Lieutenant Coco, open the shields.”

All of them replied, “Aye, Commander.”

Bart added, “Setting course, one-four-three by zero. Coming about.” The starfield shifted around them as the arrowhead turned. “Accelerating, six KPS squared. Estimated time to target, fifty-eight minutes.” The Nirvana could go faster, but she would emit more energy and they didn’t want to build up too great a velocity towards the enemy. They would approach slowly, and as quietly as a half-million-ton ship could.

The arrowhead started moving, barely perceptibly at first. Tiny arrowheads and dots poured out and surrounded it, some of them moving away to the front and sides in groups of four, two groups trailing behind. Two blue arrowheads, a blue dot and one green arrowhead took up station directly in front of the Nirvana. Those would be Meia, Jura and Hibiki, ready to form either of their remaining VanDread configurations, and Barnette for backup.

* * *

“Um, Commander Ballblair?”

“What is it, Meril?” Parfet asked with about one-quarter of her attention.

"Something’s going on with the Pyxis,” she said dubiously. “Look at these readings."

“Something?” Parfet asked with a half-grin. “Do you think you could be any less specific?”

They both chuckled and Meril shook her head. “I’ve never seen readings like these. I was wondering if maybe you knew what they meant.”

“Hmmmmm…” Parfet was reading the displays now, around the taller Lieutenant’s shoulder.

When she didn’t continue, Meril ventured, “Hmmmm?”

“I’m afraid ‘Hmmmm’ about sums it up.” The chief engineer pursed her lips. “I’ve never seen anything like this either. There doesn’t seem to be anything _wrong_, the ship’s running perfectly, but it’s like there’s some sort of diversion going on. Like the Pyxis has part of its… well, its _attention_ somewhere else.”

“Can you tell where?”

“Uh-uh.” Parfet looked up from the status displays and peered deep into the ship’s core. “What are you up to now, Pyxis?"

When the glowing crystal construct didn’t answer, Meril asked, “What should we do about it?”

“Not much we _can_ do,” Parfet admitted. “Keep half an eye on it and let me know if it starts to affect the ship’s operation. Otherwise, keep on as usual.”

“Understood, Commander.”

* * *

Twenty minutes after their arrival in Maddalen, over a dozen yellow icons were scattered around the plot and Captain Magno ordered, “Cut acceleration to ten G. Work those sensors, people, I want to know what those bogeys are before we go rushing in.”

Bart announced, “Aye, Captain. Closing velocity seven-two-one-four kilometers per second, accelerating at one hundred meters-per-second squared, estimated time to target now fifty-three minutes with deceleration in thirty-seven minutes.” A hundred MPS-squared wasn’t exactly ten Standard G, but it was a little easier to keep track of. Magno wouldn’t care about the two percent difference. Her orders were typically light on details, which she expected competent people to figure out on their own.

Three minutes later one of the yellow icons blinked red, followed by four others in quick succession. Another one, much farther in-system, blinked purple.

Lieutenant Amarone Slaintheva reported, “Five confirmed bandits, Captain! Closest one, forty-six light-seconds. Looks like they’re all raiders or about the same size. Three are moving toward us, almost eight thousand KPS relative, accelerating.”

“So, they want to know who’s sneaking into their back yard,” Captain Magno mused. “BC, let’s get some Dreads into position and give them a little surprise.”

“Aye, Captain,” the XO said. “Dread groups Six-Alpha, Five-Beta, Two-Alpha, intercept our snoopers. Three-Beta, Seven-Alpha, move to interpose in case the other two get ideas. Flight Commander?”

Meia replied immediately. “Nirvana Command, understood.” She went on to maneuver several other Dread half-squadrons to cover the gaps and be in position in case any of the remaining unidentified craft turned out to be enemies. Hibiki shifted some Vanguards around to back them up.

Over the next fifteen minutes almost a dozen additional yellow ‘unknowns’ appeared, six more flipped to red ‘enemies’ and two more, deeper in-system, switched to purple ‘noncombatant’ status. The three already-identified enemy ships closed about half the distance. A group of four Dreads lay in wait for each one. No more started towards the Nirvana; a dozen ships wouldn’t find out any more than three, and it would be stupid for the enemy to send all their pickets after the first unknown ship that dropped in on them. It was also a cold-blooded move to force the intruders to respond — destroying those ships would reveal their intentions and something about their capabilities, but if allowed to get close they would learn far more.

A yellow blip near the enemy’s suspected location turned red, and this one looked different. Amarone studied it for a few seconds, then announced, “New enemy ship, cruiser class. Two unknowns in formation, could be a short cruiser group.”

That meant eighty to a hundred thousand tons each, nearly as big as the Mejere Pirates’ original ship. Three dozen Dreads could take out one cruiser. Three cruisers providing mutual fire support would be too much for their entire complement of Dreads and Vanguards. The Nirvana could easily destroy three cruisers, but there were still a lot of ‘unknowns’ out there and some of them could be even bigger ships.

They continued on, picking up everything they could from the Dreads’ sensors and their own. More yellow blips appeared, more turned red, a few of them destroyer-sized — thirty to forty thousand tons. They were facing a small fleet now, but still only light ships. All of them together weren’t much threat to the Nirvana and her Dreads and Vanguards. The three inquisitive raider ships closed in…

“Bushwhack.” Meia’s order unleashed a dozen Dreads in simultaneous attacks. Missiles appeared on the plot, converged on the enemy ships and smothered them with bright flashes. When the interference cleared, the red symbols were gone. The ambushes had been as neat and clean as anyone could wish for. Two of the enemy had gotten their own missiles off, but fired hastily, almost blindly. The Dreads picked them off with ease.

Even so, within twenty seconds the enemy would know why they were here. The Dreads had probably been identified, so it would be clear they were from Mejere. They would have to at least suspect that the Nirvana had come to smash their outpost. How would they react to that?

Magno wanted to hold back a little more. “Begin deceleration, four KPS squared.”

“Aye, Captain, coming about to three-two-three by zero,” Bart acknowledged as the stars whirled around them. “Decelerating, four KPS squared. Time to zero relative, just over thirty minutes. We’ll overrun the target at almost eight hundred KPS in about twenty-six minutes.”

“Alter course to galactic north,” Magno supplemented her orders. “Make our closest approach a hundred and twenty thousand kilometers.”

“Heading changed to three-two-three by plus-two-point-two,” Bart replied. “We’ll pass by a hundred and ninety thousand kilometers farther north.”

Magno nodded. “Thank you, Major.”

Meia and Hibiki made a few more changes to their Dread and Vanguard deployments in response to the Nirvana’s maneuvers.

“Movement,” Amarone reported. “Seven confirmed enemy, eleven unknowns converging on target area. Looks like they want to defend something. Six of them will get there before we do, including the cruiser and its buddies.”

Captain Magno nodded again. “Thank you, Lieutenant.”

The atmosphere on the bridge was tense but quiet as they closed in on the enemy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VanDread shows 8 stations on the Nirvana’s bridge. Other than the Captain's station and helm they all look similar, and are probably all-purpose; any station can perform any of the remaining functions. Based on hints in the anime I have assigned them:
> 
> Aft center overlook — Commanding Officer - Captain Magno 2 Vivan  
Aft starboard — Nirvana Command - Buzam A. Calessa  
Aft port — Communications - Celtic Midori  
Center starboard — Tactical 2 - Ketrina Ortsov  
Center port — Ship status and damage control - Lorelle Chavien  
Forward starboard — Tactical 1 - Amarone Slaintheva  
Forward port — Shields and missile defense - Belvedere Coco  
Far forward center — Helm, navigation and primary weapons - Major Bart Garsus


	11. The Man-Thing

“Heather? Why are you still here?”

She blinked and looked up from her displays. The room was dim and empty, all the other computer stations powered down. The room was always dim — it made the displays easier to see — but she hadn’t noticed the silence.

“Oh, Mister Grawne. I, uh…”

He chuckled. “You don’t have to impress me. Or are you looking for another raise?”

She smiled back. “Sorry, I must have gotten preoccupied.”

“That’s all right. Well, you know how to let yourself out. Don’t forget to set the alarm. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Good night, Mister Grawne.”

“Good night, Miss Nolan.”

He locked his office door and departed. She looked at her computer’s time display and was shocked by what it told her. What had she been _doing_ for the last hour and a half? She couldn’t remember, and she had good reason to be dismayed. Memory was a touchy subject for her.

She couldn’t remember most of her life.

Two years ago she had awakened in a field, hungry, thirsty, dirty and naked, with no idea how she got there or even who she was, clutching a torn thermal blanket and her long, long red hair around herself. Everything before that was a blank, and when she tried to force her way into it she felt muddled and dizzy.

How she wound up twelve kilometers from the nearest town without her memory or her clothes was a complete mystery. Her situation raised some obvious suspicions, but the police found no evidence of drugs, abuse, rape or anything else. Even the thermal blanket provided no clues. It was locally made, the same type as those in the standard emergency packs used for everything from mountain rescue to spaceship escape pods. Each one was supposed to have a serial number and an ID chip fused into it, but this one had a corner torn off.

There were no records of her. A routine DNA scan failed to match her to anyone in the entire star system, as did a more rigorous one. Nobody wanted to pay a fortune to run searches in other systems. They did determine that she was twelve years old — seventeen standard — and was a product of some advanced genetic engineering. She had a long lifespan, no congenital defects or hereditary afflictions, no appendix, and a highly effective immune system. Her bones were thicker, heavier, stronger than normal, by about fifteen percent. Her pain tolerance was unusually high. There were modifications to gene groups that controlled her growth, skin and muscle tone, metabolism and digestive system, even her teeth. Her bright red hair was programmed to grow just over a meter long, and no more. Aside from her long, dark-red eyelashes and upswept eyebrows, the hair follicles on her face, and over most of her body, were permanently inhibited. It seemed that someone had done their best to imbue her with all the qualities that would make a woman fit, healthy and sexually desirable. There were some indications that she had an…enhanced sex drive, too.

Her contraceptive implants were of a type unfamiliar to the planet's medical establishments, and did not respond to any known ID codes. They had been thought damaged or defective at first, but it turned out that they were simply in one of their normal programmed shutdown periods. After a few days they had switched back on, then gone inactive again exactly seven hundred standard days later. Their origin might be as unknown as hers, but their operation was entirely as expected.

The government took provisional responsibility for her and created a local identity under the randomly-selected name Heather Nolan. Standard aptitude tests showed that her basic knowledge seemed to be intact, along with some impressive practical know-how about spaceships and robotics, but there was absolutely nothing personal, or specific. A series of job interviews were arranged, and a number of prospective employers expressed interest. Grawne Machine Works in the small city of Orcadia hired her, she found a tiny apartment, and her life seemed to be under control. So why did it never _feel_ right?

Heather did well enough at work, but she remained unable to dredge up anything about herself from her memory. The authorities wanted to know who she was and where she came from almost as much as she did — as long as it didn’t involve spending money outside their star system. A long parade of psychiatrists, neurologists and experimental therapists had tried, and failed, to unlock her past and her identity. Eventually most of them had given up, after assuring the government that she didn’t appear to pose any threat. She paid for identity checks in a couple of nearby systems herself, without results. Her vanished life had to be out there somewhere, but saving up enough money to search all of human space would take her several lifetimes. She still checked in with a couple of her doctors from time to time; she should probably report this…gap.

It took her a few minutes to close out the session and shut her computer down for the night. The building seemed to be empty as she locked up and headed to the elevator. She was almost there when a man stepped out in front of her.

“Goin’ somewhere, ‘Heather’?” He placed a sarcastic emphasis on her name.

She stopped, startled. “Who are you?”

He was taller than her, and wider, showing off impressive muscles in an open pink shirt and tight khaki pants, with the face of a video idol and perfect, wavy blond hair. She was repelled rather than attracted — something was _off_ about him, unnerving, an air of menace and cruelty at odds with his appearance. There was something _wrong_ about the eyes, too. She thought they were some dark color, but they were hard to look at, disturbing and somehow _empty_, like the eyes of a statue, or a mannequin. Or a robot.

She didn’t recognize him, and he made her uneasy. “Who _are_ you? You don’t work here. You don’t belong here. You’d better leave.”

He responded with an unsettling smirk. “I ain’t leavin’. And neither are you. We got stuff to do.” His voice was suave, controlled, well-modulated, but it held an unsettling undertone, a note of sadistic hunger.

Now she felt alarmed. The elevator was an unacceptable risk, but the stairs were right next to it. She just had to get past him. She smiled, kicked him in the balls and darted around to the right.

She got two and a half steps before she felt a grip like iron on her left arm, was yanked back and flung toward the doors she had just locked. She stumbled and dropped her purse, caught herself with her right hand, pivoted and stopped, facing him with her weight centered and her hands in guard position.

“Nice moves, bitch. See how you like mine.” He advanced on her with a face that had lost all pretense of expression. It was creepy. She tried slipping away to her right but he stepped in and swung a low hard left at her.

She blocked the punch, but her arm was knocked aside effortlessly as his fist drove into her stomach. She tightened her belly muscles and shouted “**HAI!**” — she’d been taught that, somewhere, sometime — but it still hurt and knocked the wind out of her, and she staggered back. She had found that she was stronger than she looked, but he was much stronger still. She got her breath back and shouted, “Help! Somebody **help me!**”

He looked at her, still blank, flicked his right hand at her, and she was hurled backward by some immaterial force. The doors were torn from their frame behind her and she flew over them, back into the office area, where she fell heavily between two workstations. He resumed stalking toward her and there _was_ an expression now, a gloating leer. She decided she preferred none at all. She got to her feet and backed away warily. _What’s wrong with the alarm? I know I set it! Why isn’t it going off?_

“Not so uppity now, are you?”

Heather was getting an awful feeling. She got _feelings_ sometimes that she couldn’t explain, to the psychiatrists or even to herself. She thought they must have something to do with her missing past.

_This_ feeling told her that there was something hideously _wrong_ with her assailant.

He looked like a man, maybe had once _been_ a man, but now she could _feel_ that there was something inside him, something _other_, something foul and vicious and evil, something that hated everyone and everything, maybe even himself. He was…a man-thing.

The leer got even wider. “I’ve been waitin’ for this, hopin’ we could dispose of you. It’s been a long wait, and it really pissed me off. I guess patience ain’t one of my virtues. Well, our plans have changed and now it looks like we don’t need you.” He laughed evilly. “That’s just fine. You always did annoy the shit out of me. The best part is, I get to have a little fun with you first.”

He made a swooping gesture and she was lifted two meters, flipped over and dropped head-first. She twisted and tried to break her fall but she crashed to the floor, her face bashed into her arm and her nose started bleeding. She felt dazed and well on her way to terrified. _**Dispose** of me? Does that mean kill me? It must! Why? Who is this man-thing, who am I, and how are we connected? What the hell is going on? Why can’t I remember **anything?**_

She sat up, but didn’t go further. She’d just be knocked down again. He made a kind of pushing motion and she was picked up, slammed into the wall three meters behind her and pinned there with her feet a short distance off the floor. Her ears were ringing and she saw little lights going on and off.

She tried to yell for help again but the man-thing scowled viciously and flicked a finger, she felt _nothing_ smash into her and she was silenced with a cough.

“Aw, you’re not havin’ fun yet? Well, give it time. We’re just gettin’ started. We’re gonna have a lot of fun, _every kind_ of fun. Well, _I_ will, anyway.”

The man-thing started walking toward her again and…smiled at her. His voice suddenly sounded polished, sophisticated and debonair. “This is our first date. Come to think, it’s our last one, too. We’re all alone and we’ve got all night, and I made sure nobody’s going to bother us.”

He stopped in front of her, tilted his head and gave her a quizzical look. “This really _is_ your first date, ain’t it? What’s the matter with you? You ain’t put out once since you been here. You seemed to like boys before. Well, one, anyway. Maybe you’ll like me.” Another evil laugh. “You’re gonna find out.”

The leer returned as he yanked her blouse open and buttons pattered to the carpet. A red glow formed around his right index finger, and the manicured fingernail grew into a razor-sharp claw more than a centimeter long. She tried to squirm away, but whatever held her against the wall barely allowed her to move. She couldn’t even look down and see what was being done to her. She felt it touch her throat, then drag downward until it pulled and tore through her bra. It moved up and ripped through the shoulder straps, then her bra was pulled out and tossed aside. She felt the finger on her left breast and that sharp edge pressed frightfully against her nipple, then drawn back. She shivered with relief as it glowed again and the claw shrunk back to a fingernail.

The man-thing grated out an unsettling chuckle. “Naaah, wouldn’t wanta ruin a sweet pair a’ titties like these. Not till I get some, anyway.”

Heather had always thought that ‘making your skin crawl’ was only an expression. The man-thing’s perfect-looking hands were sweaty and unnaturally warm, and her very skin seemed to shrink from them in revulsion as they pawed at her crudely and she whimpered and tried to pull away.

He grinned lecherously. “Yeah, this is better. Can only do that once, and then they’re no good.” He let out another ghastly chuckle. “There’s _so many_ things I can only do with you once. Gotta save ‘em for later.”

How could she get out of this? Her fighting skills were useless; she was probably faster but he was too much bigger and stronger, and her best kick in the balls had barely rated a grunt. He wasn’t human, and had some sort of powers that tossed her around, pinned her against the wall, grew claws, and God alone knew what else. She felt helpless, and alone, nearly petrified with fear and despair. Gunzo’s day was over twenty-five standard hours and it wasn’t very late. It would be more than fourteen hours before anybody was likely to come in here, and she would be gruesomely dead by then. Even if she wasn’t, what could they do? Call the police? Could they stop this monster? Could anybody?

_I don’t want to die!_

Might he allow her to live? If she pleaded, wept, begged, abased herself, surrendered her body without resistance, even actively tried to please him?

Not a chance in Hell.

She was absolutely certain about that. The man-thing was here to kill her. He had told her that, and she could _feel_ it. Abuse, rape and torture were just…indulgences, for his own sick pleasure, like some sort of depraved fringe benefits.

Could she provoke him into killing her quickly — or beg for it, if she pleased him? No, and no. If she managed to anger this vile creature, he would be all the more determined to make her suffer, and nothing she could do would please him one-tenth as much as raping and torturing her.

Could she…could she kill herself?

Probably not. She didn’t have anything she could use for such a purpose, she couldn’t move, she wasn’t anywhere near that desperate yet, and he would surely be watching for her to try. She felt a dismal certainty that he had plenty of experience doing things like this, and a novice like her was unlikely to come up with anything he hadn’t seen many times before. No doubt she _would_ try, eventually. She tried to hold back her tears, and failed.

What _could_ she do?

Not much. Wait, endure, hope for rescue, look for a way to escape. He would use that to bait her, wouldn’t he? Let her think there was a chance. watch her run, and jerk her back at the last second. Even knowing that, she would have to try, to gamble that she could be faster, trickier than he expected…

Still…she had just become aware of a _feeling_. A _new_ feeling. It must have started during the blank time, while she was staring at her computer screens without seeing them. A tiny glimmer of hope, that someone, somewhere cared about her, was aware of her, searching for her, coming for her. She would hold tight to that shred of hope.

In the meantime she would resist, in any way she could, for as long as she could.

After a minor eternity he tired of feeling her up, squished her breasts and pinched her nipples painfully before letting go. She felt polluted.

The leer was bigger than ever. “Aw, how rude a’ me. Here, you can cop a feel, too.” He grabbed her left wrist and pulled her hand to his crotch, unimpeded by the force that still held the rest of her motionless. She had a general idea of what should be there, and in this department the man-thing didn’t appear to hold any surprises. _Pecker, erect, one each_, she thought sardonically. She was tempted to try something, but even if she did manage to hurt him, it would only provoke him to further violence against her. The more damage done to her body, the less able she would be to take advantage of any opportunity to escape. Instead, she kept her hand limp and tried not to think about where it was.

“Hey, girlie, ain’t’cha the least bit curious?” He moved her hand up and down. “I got just what you need, right ‘ere.” He shoved his other hand between her legs and groped at her through her slacks and panties. “It goes right in _there_, and it feels _real_ good. Don’t this feel good?”

She couldn’t contain herself. “It feels gross, you filthy pig!” She felt, and tasted, the mixture of tears and blood seeping over her lips, dripping from her chin. A few drops sprayed out and spattered onto the man-thing. Her face contorted into a look of absolute disgust.

The man-thing affected a disappointed, pained expression. “Aw, now you’re just bein’ mean. There’s lotsa things feel worse’n that, little girl.” He pulled the hand back and placed it over her navel. Her body was consumed by agony as she felt herself crushed, burned, shredded, flayed, all at once. A horrible scream tore out of her, every muscle strained against her phantom bonds, and her left arm, the only part of her free to move, convulsed. The pain cut off instantly, leaving her gasping and shuddering in reaction.

He smiled and chuckled cheerfully at her. “Here I was beginnin’ to think you didn’t like me. That feels real fine, babe. Pretty good scream, too, for a first time.”

Heather became aware that her left hand had grabbed onto his member and was still clutching it in a death-grip. He had already released her wrist, so she pulled away hastily, stuck her hand between her legs protectively and tried to keep her terror under control. _Oh, please, somebody help me!_

The man-thing was still smiling. “You deserve a reward for that.” He suddenly leaned forward, put his mouth on hers and forced his tongue between her lips. She was shocked, and revolted, and it took her several seconds to gather her wits and oppose this fresh vulgarity. She finally managed to shove that awful tongue out of her mouth and clamp her jaw shut, leaving her with a sour, metallic aftertaste. That couldn’t be normal. He continued to push at her teeth, then, frustrated, turned his head and bit the side of her neck.

He straightened up and leered at her again. His flawless face was smeared with her blood now, but he either didn’t notice or didn’t care. “Well, so much for the carrot. Guess it’s time for some more stick.” He drew his right hand back and slapped her hard enough to make her eyes water and her left ear ring. The force that bound her actually protected her now; it held her head still and probably saved her from some nasty neck injuries. She groaned through her gritted teeth and squinted bitterly.

The man-thing looked cheerful again after slapping her. He reached down and grabbed her ass, pulling her hips a few centimeters away from the wall. Whatever was trapping her allowed this, too, seeming to bend to his will alone. He pulled her hand away with overpowering strength and placed it against her thigh where it remained, immobile despite her efforts, then grabbed her again, pulled himself to her and ground his groin against her, breathing hoarsely into her face. She could feel that horrid _thing_ rubbing against her belly, and her sick dread of the time when he would tear the rest of her clothes off and invade her body. She was sure this was his intention, to make her feel violated even before it happened, to have her foreboding make it that much worse. He gave a low laugh. “You need to loosen up, dollie. You just ain’t had a man before. Well, this is your lucky day, ‘cause you got me. I’ll make a real woman out of you.”

She wished she could at least turn her head away. His breath smelled strongly of some sweet, obscuring scent, but under it was a taint of noxious chemicals and something else, something repellent, a whiff of festering corruption. She wondered just what was inside this unnatural humanoid monstrosity, and what it might do to her. If she didn’t somehow survive this night, it wouldn’t make any difference. She scrunched her eyes shut, clenched her teeth and tried to time her breathing to avoid his. He dug his fingers into her buttocks before stepping back again, shaking his head. “Damn, you’re a cold fish. No wonder you ain’t ever had a date.”

She opened her eyes, but couldn’t think of anything worth saying. At least breathing was easier. The man-thing started playing with her breasts again and she growled, and her face twisted with nausea. He seemed to find that aggravating. “You got a shitty attitude. We’re gonna have to work on that.” He pushed both hands hard against her and she was wracked by another, longer bout of that harrowing torment. This time, her mouth was still shut tight and she had a bit of warning, so she managed to choke the scream down to a strangled wail.

The man-thing laughed nastily, and blew a raspberry. “Oh, come on, that sucked. You’ll never impress me with a lame performance like that.” He stepped back, with a look that was almost…nostalgic. “I’ve heard lots of screams. Hundreds and hundreds, maybe thousands. And you know, every one is just a little bit different. I love ‘em all, but the differences are what makes ‘em special. I just know you’re gonna give me some _real_ special ones tonight.”

Her next scream _was_ a little different; desolate, hysterical, **“Help! Police! Help! Anybody!”**

She was still holding out, but she could see the end of herself. That excruciating pain would break her. Before long, she would do whatever the man-thing demanded of her to avoid it. She would be too crushed even to fight back when he raped her — or rather, when he started…doing _that_ to her. He was already raping her, just hadn’t gotten around to the worst parts yet. When he lost interest in violating her there would be the claw, and probably worse horrors, and the screams, and the things he could only do to her once, and when there was nothing left she would die without so much as a protest.

She tried to scream for help again but that disembodied force bore down on her until she could scarcely breathe. Her cry turned inward, beseeching something, anything…

_Help me. Somebody please, please save me from this nightmare._

The man-thing sounded peeved, and bored. “Oh, shut it. Nobody can hear you. Nobody can help you. Not the cops, and not your friends. They’re all gonna be dead soon anyway. We got a _big_ surprise fixed up for ‘em. Heh-heh. _Real_ big.”

Friends? What friends? She didn’t really have any friends. She had found nothing in common with these people. They worked for a company that maintained and repaired aircraft, industrial robots and _spaceships_ — but the men talked about sports and women, in that order, while the women talked about celebrity gossip, clothes, men and each other. They bored her to tears, and called her weird for not being just like them. She was sure there were other things, _important_ things, that she should be thinking about, and doing.

Could he mean _other_ friends? Friends from her lost life, from before—

Something drastic happened to the world.

Heather found herself lying face-down on the floor with no memory of how she came to be there, feeling disoriented and somehow _disconnected_. Both ears were ringing again, louder than ever. She raised her head, blinking in a bright light, choking on clouds of dust. The dust quickly blew away and she started to make sense of things.

There was a big _hole_ in one wall, and a path of destruction blasted right through Mrs. Kenderli’s office. She would need a new desk, and a number of other things. The early evening sun was shining in, and a brisk wind blew through it. Papers fluttered everywhere. The man-thing was nowhere in sight but there was a frightful racket coming from deeper in the building. He was hurt, and enraged, and on his way toward her.

The hole beckoned, offering her a way out, but she resisted. She was on the sixth floor, and while plummeting to her death would be preferable to facing the man-thing again, this unexpected development had given her hope, and she would rather make her try for freedom. Still, there should be people outside. She could call for help before seeking another escape route.

The force that had pinned her and that terrible, paralyzing pain were gone, but they had left her weak and shaky and she didn’t think she could stand. She could crawl, though, and did, through filth and sharp-edged rubble. Her hair blew across her face, and when she pulled it away and looked outside she beheld an astonishing sight.

Hovering before her, centimeters from the hole, was a small blue spacecraft. Relatively small, anyway; it was more than twenty meters long and looked completely out of place in the middle of town. Its smooth flowing lines made it look both sensuous and lethal. The sleek nacelle on its left wing was close enough to reach out and touch.

Crashings and appalling noises behind her were getting closer. She was out of time, and options. She crawled through the hole, onto the nacelle and across the wing. The ship dipped slightly under her weight. A glance at the ground sixteen meters below left her dizzy, and she resolved not to do _that_ again. She reached the canopy, and wondered who was inside. Who had come to her rescue, and how had they known she needed it?

The canopy slid open and her rescuer — was not in there. The pilot’s seat was empty. She put one hand on the edge and her body took over. With a twisting motion she slipped into the seat, her left hand flicked a control and the canopy closed over her. Her hands dropped onto a pair of control pads and her fingers made precise, intricate movements. The ship turned to her right and moved away from the building, its nose lifted and they slid toward the sky.

Lights and displays glowed to life and the ship’s engine sound rose to a soothing thrum. It almost seemed to be purring, welcoming her, as if it had known her, missed her, and was glad to have her back. She settled into the seat, but for the first time something felt wrong. It was…tight. Too short, too narrow, too _small_. What was happening? If only she could _remember_…

Heather felt the familiar befuddlement she got when trying to recall something from…before. From the life she used to have. The life that remained lost to her. She almost screamed in frustration. Then she thought, _what the hell?_ She _did_ scream. Devil take the man-thing, she could scream if she wanted to and it was her own scream, not his. She still didn’t remember anything, but she felt some satisfaction.

The sky darkened and stars began to appear above her. This tickled tantalizingly at her too, raising ghosts of almost-memory that refused to take full form. Chasing them would be useless, so instead she enjoyed the view and idly watched her fingers caress the controls. Where were they taking her? She wasn’t sure, but she _felt_ that it was somewhere definite, somewhere important.

_Rig for zero gravity_

She hadn’t heard that, but it had come into her mind somehow. Her hands were again doing their own thing as they pulled out neatly retracted straps and locked them together in front of her. They felt as subtly wrong as the seat.

Why? This marvelous ship had to be a part of her missing past. Why didn’t it…fit? But of course. She had grown more than five centimeters in the last two years, and gone through two sizes of clothing. Apparently she had outgrown her space ship too. She’d have to have it let out. She giggled. Then she realized that Grawne Machine Works could do the job, if she ever dared to go back. If the man-thing wouldn’t be waiting for her.

_Somehow, that fiend knew me. How could he hate me that much if he didn’t? Maybe he knew me before, and lost track of me when I lost track of myself? That doesn’t square with some of the things he said, though. He’s been watching me all along, hating me, wanting to rape and torture and murder me, and today he got…permission?_ She shivered. _This is crazy. If this is my life from before, maybe I was better off without it._

Her strange flight went on. She left the last traces of atmosphere behind and soon got far enough from the planet for her fingers to engage the ship’s gravity boost. Scenic Gunzo receded swiftly behind her.

When she wondered again where they were going, her fingers moved and a schematic of the star system appeared in front of her with what she presumed was her course outlined on it. It started at Gunzo, dipped almost to the next planet’s orbit, past the sun, and out toward the asteroid belt about a hundred degrees clockwise from Gunzo’s current position. A yellow dot was on the line, already well beyond Gunzo’s outer moon.

What was out there, why she was going there, and how long it would take to get there? Another twiddle of her fingers brought up a time display — 3:08:32 and counting down — but her other questions remained unanswered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard to write. It wasn’t easy putting poor Heather through all that, but the man-thing had to be kept busy for a believable length of time, until her ship could get there to rescue her, and he’s such a revolting bastard…
> 
> Of course we all know who ‘Heather’ is, including the man-thing.
> 
> A ‘standard year’ is what you’d think, one Old Earth year, 8,765 hours, 49 minutes and a few seconds. Two Gunzo years are almost three standard years, so a conversational ’two years’ on Gunzo can mean anything from about two and a half to three and a half standard years.
> 
> Heather’s trip covers about 30 light-minutes; to get there in three hours she has to accelerate at 1,880 G and reach 0.34 C at turnover. I don’t remember anything from the anime that says her spacecraft _can’t_ do that…
> 
> So I handwaved it with the ‘gravity boost’. She can’t spend days getting where she’s going. The exact time is not important to the story beyond ‘a little over three hours’, but her clock would be specific.


	12. How Bad Could It Be?

Heather noticed something while looking over her instrument panels. Her little blue spaceship was armed. Heavily armed. Lasers, plasma cannons, grav-enhanced 30mm autocannons with over 4,000 programmable smart rounds in their magazines, and if she was reading the status displays correctly, missile launchers but no missiles. She hoped it meant that she’d fired them all at her enemies, back in the time before she could remember. She hoped that she’d blown them to bits, too. She suspected that the curved row of four silver nubs forward of each control pad were the firing buttons. She hoped her hands would know what to do if they were attacked. There was another panel for some very impressive shields.

She felt the beginnings of thirst, and her clever hands had an answer for that. A small compartment held water bottles and what had presumably once been food. Two years had not been kind to most of it, but there were six foil-wrapped energy bars that would keep almost forever. There were some paper napkins, too.

Her nose had stopped bleeding, but it had definitely left its mark on what remained of her white blouse. It hurt, but only a little. Her hands did something and she saw a mirrored image of herself appear on the canopy. She dampened a napkin, cleaned the blood and dirt off her face and neck, and even got some of the dust out of her hair. She finished by honking it full of red boogers, careful not to start her nose bleeding again. There were streaks and smears of grimy, drying blood on her body, too. She unbuckled all but the waist straps and took quite a while scrubbing herself off, until she started to feel clean again. Those loathsome hands…

She stuffed the dirty napkins into one of the used-to-be-food bags. At least that didn’t smell as bad as it looked. She put the water bottle to her lips and rinsed her mouth out, spat carefully into the bag, then did it again. Twice seemed to be enough, and she drank a little. She sealed the bag and returned it and the bottle to the compartment. She chuckled and thought about makeup, but her hands didn’t respond. No makeup, then.

Heather appraised her projected self. The big red hand-print on the left side of her face was fading. She could see a small bruise forming on her right cheek and a much bigger one on the left side of her neck where the man-thing bit her. She felt a moment’s amusement. Would she need to get shots? She didn't see any bleeding there, so he must not have broken the skin. Saving that for later, no doubt. There were more bruises on her left arm and a small scratch between her breasts. Those were the only visible mementos of her ordeal. She examined her left nipple carefully, both in the image and directly. She could almost _feel_ the man-thing’s claw again, and was deeply relieved to find that it hadn’t cut her there. She felt a few other scrapes and bruises but she had escaped — been rescued — with no significant injuries. She felt a warm gratitude toward her exceptional spaceship. It had found her somehow, blasted the man-thing through at least two walls, and whisked her away from a most atrocious death. She shuddered and tried not to think of the grisly scene that would have awaited the returning staff in the morning. What would they think of what they did find? Wreckage, the purse she’d left behind, some buttons, a torn bra and her blood. Traces of the man-thing? Probably. He didn’t seem the careful type. She couldn’t do anything about it now.

Her blouse had three remaining buttons: the top two, which hadn’t been buttoned, and the bottom one which hadn’t been torn off. She buttoned the second one, but her blouse stubbornly refused to stay closed, and zero gravity wasn’t helping at all. She had a sewing kit in her purse, along with a lot of other useful things, but those were lost to her now. She hadn’t seen anything helpful here in her ship, and when she thought about the problem her hands didn’t respond. There wasn’t even any space tape! She felt a little irritated with her former self about that. She still didn’t know where she was going, but it looked like she would be putting on quite a show when she got there. All things considered, the thought of a few people looking at her breasts was a trivial matter and she chose not to be concerned about it. When she re-latched all the restraint straps, they held her blouse together a little.

Heather regarded her image again. _Who am I?_ Other than this ship's pilot, anyway? She looked like…herself. Blue eyes, full lips, slightly pointed chin, nice straight nose — just a bit swollen, but nobody else would know that — and very long, very red hair. Her right hand had scooped it into her lap in a motion as automatic as her left hand closing the canopy. She’d been advised to cut it, over and over, but it was _something_ from her forgotten life and she had stubbornly kept it. For the rest, a little over average height and all the other attributes appropriate for an athletic young woman, a couple of them now prominently on display. Men, and some women, had told her she was beautiful, among other things, and she had attracted attention ranging from polite to obnoxiously persistent. A few such ‘admirers’ had led her to discover that she knew how to fight, and she fought _dirty_. Word had gotten around, and she explored and practiced her personal combat skills in her free time.

She had never followed up on any of that attention, from anybody. She didn’t feel any interest in women, and she didn’t dislike men, but somehow, none of the men she’d met had been _right_. She had a feeling, another one of those exasperating _feelings_, that something vital was missing from her life. There must have been a man, before, and even though she couldn’t remember who he _was_, it appeared that at least a part of her knew who he _wasn’t_.

She got her hands to bring the system display up again and checked her progress. She’d passed her closest approach to the next planet’s orbit and was now heading outward again. The clock showed 1:46:15, but to _where?_ Her course still ended in what looked like empty space. _It’s not the middle of nowhere, but you can see it from here_, she thought with idle amusement. Deceleration should start in twenty minutes or so; hopefully answers would follow an hour and a half after that.

* * *

“New contact! It’s a big one, Commander…maybe two hundred thousand tons.” Amarone wasn’t reporting every contact, just the major ones. “Range, eighteen light-seconds. Moving toward us, five-point-six KPS squared.”

Captain Magno studied the new blip. “What do you think, BC? Battle-cruiser?”

“It’s the right size.” Buzam scrunched her/his forehead a little. “Why start after us now, though?

Magno looked a little grim. “I think they’ve figured out that we’re here on our own. If we were bringing company, they’d have shown up by now.”

Commander Calessa nodded agreement. A sort of general movement was taking place in the tactical display as the red symbols and most of the yellow ones closed in on the cluster of greens, while a few of the nearest icons pulled back. They had long since taught the enemy about ‘defeat in detail’. New blips were appearing at a rate of two or three a minute as their sensors sorted out signals from background noise. Their formation provided over a hundred receivers spread around more than a light-second, giving them impressive discrimination and resolution. Unfortunately, the enemy probably had a lot more in place, and even more widely distributed.

A few minutes later Lieutenant Ketrina Ortsov at Tactical Station Two announced, “Contact! We know this one, Ma’am — assault carrier. Range, twenty-eight light-seconds, closing thirty-two-forty KPS, accelerating five-point-one KPS squared.”

“Only the one?” BC asked, a little suspicious.

“All I see, Commander,” she confirmed. “Be hard to hide any more, as many times as we’ve seen ‘em.”

That was true. The enemy’s raider ships were too small to fit hyperdrives, so they used those carriers to deliver and retrieve them in other people’s star systems. A little over 450 meters and 240,000 tons, it could transport, deploy, refuel and re-arm thirty-six raiders. On its own it had about the same defenses as a battle-cruiser, but they usually stayed out of combat due to the structural weakness of their huge open hangar bays. And, of course, if someone took out their carriers the raiders would be stuck in normal space, unable to escape retribution.

“Is it loaded, or empty?” BC asked.

“Can’t tell, Ma’am,” Ketrina replied. “They can make five-point-one either way.” BC nodded, unsatisfied.

They all watched various symbols creep across the huge display. There were several estimated-time counters, too, showing a consensus that in about ten minutes they and the nearest enemy units would be close enough to start shooting at each other.

“Bring the Dreads and Vanguards in closer,” Magno ordered. “They’ll need our support soon, and we’ll need theirs.”

* * *

Hibiki looked over his scanner displays. His eyes were drawn to one particular symbol, and he smiled. Barnette’s Dread was behind him now as they decelerated, keeping station ahead of the Nirvana as they continued to close in on the enemy’s location. What _were_ they up to in this system? He was only a little tempted to open a Command Priority channel and talk to her.

He checked the space around them, at least out to the nearest enemy units. He had access to all their tactical data, but his Vanguard’s small screens could show only a fraction of it without turning into a hopelessly cluttered mess. The main holographic display in front of the Nirvana’s bridge was sixty meters wide. He wondered what they were seeing in that.

* * *

“Picking up anomalies in the asteroid belt,” Amarone reported. “Energy readings and signals…com lasers, I think. Multiple sources…I’ve got a visual on the closest one.”

An image appeared above the bridge. It showed a huge lumpy rock with installations and equipment sticking out all over its surface, gaining detail and depth as it turned slowly. “About twelve hundred meters across, over two billion tons…I’m seeing missile launchers, anti-missile defenses, shield emitters, at least two _big_ energy weapon emplacements…based on their locations, I’d say two more we can’t see from here, tetrahedral positions. Full spherical coverage.”

Magno examined the light gray rock carefully. “Fortified asteroids. Not a surprise, really. How many?”

“I’m still isolating signals.” She was working hard, processing sensor data. “More than a dozen, but no more than twenty-five unless they’ve got some completely shut down. They’ve got pretty big fusion reactors, and now I know what we’re looking for. I should have all of them in a few minutes.”

Magno nodded. “Good work, Amarone. Good work, _everyone_.” She regarded the red and yellow symbols critically. “Bart, increase to eight-point-four KPS squared deceleration. Keep us clear of those things until we know more about them.”

“Aye, Captain, eight-point-four,” he acknowledged immediately. He was only too glad to keep their distance from those sinister-looking constructs. “Closest approach will be eight hundred and seventy thousand kilometers in a little over four minutes.” That was just under three light-seconds, and would give them a really good look at one of them.

“Pull the Dreads and Vanguards back,” the Captain ordered a minute later. “There’s nothing they can do against that thing anyway.”

“Flight Commander, Group Commander, pull everybody back behind the Nirvana,” BC relayed the order to Meia and Hibiki.

They both acknowledged and passed it on to their various Flight and Section Leaders. The smaller green symbols retreated and spread around the large green arrowhead’s point. The ones representing Hibiki, Jura, Meia and Barnette moved directly in front of it. They watched it back down towards the red splotch marking the nearest fortified asteroid, gradually slowing.

“Missile launch!” Lieutenant Ortsov announced. “Twelve missiles, from the second asteroid back, range one-point-seven million, impact in fifty-five seconds.”

Bart didn’t wait for orders. “Targeting…fire.” Dozens of curving light beams reached out from the Nirvana’s upper hull towards the oncoming missiles. He hadn’t used all of them against a mere dozen targets.

Ketrina spoke again. “Missile launch, twelve, from nearest asteroid, range eight hundred eighty thousand, impact thirty-eight seconds.”

“Targeting second group,” Bart said tensely. “Firing.” Their ship emitted more beams in a slightly different direction. They watched as the enemy missiles encountered their beams and were wiped out. Ten detonated, raising a hash of interference, slowly fading. “Those missiles were bigger than they should have been.” He sounded rather offended. “Faster, too.”

“Those launches were timed to hit us simultaneously,” Captain Magno’s tone was half-question, half-statement.

“Yes, Captain,” Ketrina confirmed. “At our closest approach to the nearest asteroid.”

“Mister Garsus,” Magno said grimly, “Hit that rock with everything.”

“Aye, Captain. Missiles away.” He waited twelve seconds and added, “Firing, all beams.”

They’d made some modifications over the years, adding launchers for a dozen heavy missiles to the former Ikazuchi, and six more to what was once Magno’s pirate ship. Targeting and launch control had been routed to the main bridge stations, but within a week they’d found that the helm station was also tied in. Apparently the Pyxis wanted it that way.

The Nirvana’s strange beam weapons were slower than light, but faster than missiles. Bart timed them for simultaneous arrival at the target, just as the enemy had.

“Enemy countermeasures active,” Amarone informed them. “No effect.”

Bart hadn’t activated any of the missiles’ internal target-seekers. He knew the asteroid’s exact position, it wasn’t going anywhere, and he’d simply programmed the missiles to go there and blow it up.

“Enemy anti-missile defenses firing,” Amarone reported. “Three…four…five…they got five. Impact.”

Thirteen capital missiles and ninety-six beams hit the asteroid, concentrated in an area less than two hundred meters across. When the interference cleared…

“Nothing,” Bart growled, disgusted.

“No damage to target,” Amarone confirmed. “Enemy shields holding, almost ninety percent.”

“We can’t do anything to it from this range,” BC added.

“Closest approach in five seconds,” Lieutenant Chavien informed them. They glowered at the enemy…

A glare of blinding purple-white light shone in through the dome, the center of the tactical display was blotted out by a bright red haze, and the ship lurched under them. Bart yelled wordlessly, alarms sounded and red lights appeared on bridge stations.

**_“Impact!”_** Belvedere Coco shouted. “Energy strike, type unknown, source, _unknown!”_

“Ow! Captain, permission to run away?!” Bart sounded a little panicked, but at least he was asking for orders instead of just acting on it.

“Do it, Bart! Full power!” Magno wasn’t sure what was happening, or what they should do about it, but moving away from the nearest obvious threat was a good start.

“Aye, nine-point-seven-two…seven-three. That’s all she’s got!” He leaned forward, seeming to strain with the ship.

“It’s the asteroid, Ma’am!” Lieutenant Ortsov proclaimed. “Heat flares around those energy weapons, radiation, charged particles…never seen anything like it! No energy buildup before the shot, either.”

“Ship status!” Magno barked.

“Aye, Captain,” Lieutenant Coco was steadying down from her initial shock. “Minor radiation exposure across our stern, shields down to eighty-three percent. No casualties reported. Power surges have affected some systems. Vanguard launchers are off-line. A few other failures, non-critical.”

“My back is burning,” Bart grumbled. “That _hurt_.”

“Divert power to aft shields,” Magno ordered. “Dreads and Vanguards. Status!”

“Vanguards report no damage,” Hibiki told them. “We’re, uh, moving in front of the Nirvana, and closing in a little.” In other words, hiding behind the Nirvana’s shields. There wasn’t much else they could do.

“Dreads are okay,” Meia said with some relief. “A few caught some rads, but still green. They’re spreading out, away from the ship.” Getting some distance from the primary target was another good move.

“That was exactly when those missiles would have hit us.” There was hardly any question at all in Magno’s voice.

“Yes, Ma’am, to the second,” Ketrina confirmed.

“Bart. Progress?” she queried.

“Range eight hundred and seventy-four thousand, relative speed two hundred and fifty KPS,” he answered nervously. “Still boosting at max. Best we **AAAUGGH!—**“

Again the blaze, the tactical plot overloaded, and the ship’s gravity field twitched. Energy weapons strike at light-speed, providing little or no warning.

“Another hit,” Belvedere reported. “Shields at seventy-nine percent, more radiation…that’s about all.”

“Ow, ow,” Bart whimpered. Feeling everything through the ship had its drawbacks.

“What the _hell_ are those things?!” Magno demanded. She got a number of confused looks in response.

BC looked up from where she/he had been going over the data with intense concentration and said thoughtfully, “I might have an idea about that.”

“Well, go on,” Magno almost snapped, impatiently.

“I _think_ they’re antimatter-pumped gamma cannons. There were some proposals floating around on Taraak to build a prototype, but they deemed it impractical and dumped the idea.” The Exec looked around to find that she/he was now the center of attention. “The concept’s pretty simple: take a long tube with insanely heavy energy shields on the inside, point it at something you don’t like, and shoot some hydrogen and anti-hydrogen into the closed end. It generates a stew of exotic particles, most of which decay into gamma photons within a few microseconds. Tune the shields to reflect gamma, and the only place they can go is out the other end.”

They endured another hit. Bart only groaned this time.

“Shields at seventy-six percent, minimal radiation exposure,” Lieutenant Coco said.

“So what’s impractical about it?” Magno asked her Exec.

“The beam’s not collimated, so it disperses,” Buzam explained. “They’ve done a decent job of focusing theirs with grav-lenses, but their effective range is still less than a million kilometers. They’re barely reaching us here. They could probably take out small craft like Dreads at one-point-five or so.”

“Their firing rate is about thirty seconds,” the Captain observed. “Bart, where will we be then?”

“Nine hundred and fourteen thousand kay, Ma’am.”

“And the next one?”

“Nine hundred and fifty thousand.”

They were hit again. Bart growled angrily.

“Belvedere, will our shields hold?”

“Yes, Captain. The ship’s also adapting to the attacks. That first one took us by surprise, but we’re stopping each one more effectively.”

Lieutenant Ortsov put in, “There are some energy readings that precede firing, too. We’re getting a few seconds’ warning now.”

“They’ve got to have a fair amount of antimatter stored up,” the Captain mused. “If we can get through their defenses they’ll blow _themselves_ to bits.”

“That was another objection to the concept.” BC remarked in a very dry tone.

“So what’s the advantage? There has to be something.”

BC nodded. “There’s no delay running up a reactor for each shot.”

Fusion reactors were slow to respond to changing demand. It could take twenty seconds or more to raise power for a capital energy weapon.

“Captain, my survey is complete,” Amarone reported. “I found sixteen, confidence ninety-nine percent. Any asteroid forts I didn’t see would have to be completely powered down. We’d get plenty of warning before they could be effective.”

“Very good, Lieutenant,” Magno said. “Analysis. Can VanDread Jura get us in close enough to take that thing out?”

Another shot hit them as they started to work, and two more before they had an answer for her.

“No.” It was unanimous.

“Details?”

“Those gamma cannons would be much more effective at shorter distances. Even with VanDread Jura’s support, they’d wear our shields down before we got close enough,” BC admitted reluctantly.

“The forts have limited maneuverability,” Amarone added. “This one has rotated twenty degrees already. If we tried to close in, they’d bring three cannons to bear on us. We’d be toast.”

“Their missiles would be a lot harder to intercept at such short range,” Ketrina concluded. “They’re not wasting any now, but if we went that close they’d just dump all over us.”

“And those forts are covering everything we want to have a look at.” Again, it wasn’t really a question.

“Yes, Captain. We have to keep our distance, and we can’t collect much intel from out here.” BC wasn’t happy about that, either.

“I think they’ve stopped shooting at us,” Lieutenant Ortsov announced. “They’re already ten seconds late.”

“Range!”

“One-point-one million kilometers,” Bart replied.

“Stop accelerating.”

“Yes, Ma’am, cutting to zero,” he said. “Moving away at just over two thousand KPS.”

The tactical display had steadied itself as the ship adapted. She studied it carefully. “All those ships are holding back.” She drummed her fingers on the command chair’s arm. “Like they’re waiting for something.” She tapped them again. “I don’t like it.”

* * *

Heather’s ship had taken her past the half-way point and was now decelerating, less than forty minutes from its mysterious destination. She was impressed by her little spaceship’s performance, but still couldn’t see anything there worth the trip. Rocks, rocks, more rocks, and a lot of empty space by the look of it. She checked her life-support console, and found that she had more than thirty hours remaining. If she found as much nothing as the evidence suggested at the end of her voyage, she could reach just about anywhere else in the system before it ran out. She could even go back to Gunzo, purge and recharge her air recycler — but _not_ back to Orcadia. The man-thing might still be around.

She sipped more water, but only a little. Her hands had located the backup sanitary facility and she found it, to say the least…unappealing. A plastic bottle with a wide, triangular snout, a thick batt of absorbent material inside and a finger-operated vacuum pump. Its operation was simple, obvious, and entirely inelegant. The best that could be said for it was that she hadn’t used it before her arrival here. She resolved to drink only as much as necessary.

She…consumed…two of the energy bars, as well. Lunch was a long time ago, and whatever she was supposed to be doing out here, going into it with an empty stomach and low blood sugar would probably be a mistake. The things were edible, but she wouldn’t give them much more than that. They were at least two years old, but she suspected they hadn’t tasted any better when new, and wouldn’t taste any worse a century from now.

Heather examined her destination again, and cursed her limitation of having only one perspective on her surroundings. Her spaceship _should_ be linked up with a host of other ships to get a better view, tied into a, a…tactical net! She shouldn’t be out here all alone. She told her hands to get on that, they worked some controls, but her ship was unable to access any other sources of data. Nothing was available to her here.

And that was another thing. How did her fingers know what they were doing when she didn’t? It had to be her lost memories leaking through somehow, but why weren’t they letting _her_ in on the secret? She felt almost like a spectator in her own head, watching a show she didn’t understand. Her right hand suddenly reached out and patted one of the displays, then returned to the controls. Was she trying to tell herself something?

Heather shook her head irritably, causing her cloud of red hair to wave around. She was curious about what might be out here, and tempted to have a look around, but something held her back. She had a _feeling_, dammit, that she _had_ to get to that nowhere spot for some damn reason or other, and that time was running short.

* * *

“We can’t do anything about those forts right now,” Magno said decisively. “And they’re not going anywhere. We _can_ deal with the ships. Bart, set course for those cruisers, eight-point-eight KPS squared. Dreads, Vanguards, stick close.”

“Aye, Captain, setting course…accelerating.”

It took the enemy a couple of minutes to figure out that they weren’t still running away from the asteroid forts, but moving in to attack. Their loose formations shifted and moved behind the battle-cruiser, surrounded by gathering swarms of raider ships.

“An asteroid just exploded!” Ketrina could be excused for sounding a little excited over such an unusual occurrence. “Range, four-point-six million, bearing two-six-four by minus-one-point-five.” A few seconds later she corrected herself, “No, wait, it’s still there, they just blew a couple million tons of rock off the surface, with chemical explosives. Why would they do that?“

Nobody had an answer for that one. They were still wondering what to make of it when the tactical computers replaced the gray blob of an asteroid with the red symbol for an enemy ship.

“It’s a ship!” Amarone burst out.

“Yes, Lieutenant, I can see it’s a ship,” Magno said with a complete lack of expression, or emphasis. “Do you think you could tell me a little bit more about it?”

“Sorry, Captain.” Lieutenant Slaintheva’s dusky skin turned a shade darker.

“We’re all surprised, Amarone,” she said with amusement. “Now tell us what _kind_ of a surprise we’re looking at. A nasty one, I suspect.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” she said obediently. “It’s…over six hundred meters long, almost two million tons…accelerating toward us, eight-point-three KPS squared. It’s hard to tell anything else because it’s heavily stealthed and the hull looks to be dead black. I could try to get an image, but it wouldn’t be…informative. Black ship against black space.”

“Bloody _big_ ship, too,” Bart grumbled. “We might be in over our heads here.”

“All the more reason to whittle the odds down while we can,” Magno rebuked him mildly. “How soon can we start doing that?”

His voice was more normal as he reported, “Six minutes to extreme range, eight to best effective range.” Performing his regular duties seemed to settle him.

BC looked up at Captain Magno. “Nobody has ever found where they build their ships. Now that we know, it’s obvious. Hollow out an asteroid and build a ship inside it. Takes longer than building it in the open, but it’s the perfect hide. Looks just like a rock until they blow the shell apart to let the ship out. They’ve probably been prepping it ever since they figured out what we’re doing here.”

The deck tilted under them as the Nirvana changed course and her acceleration dropped to less than two hundred meters-per-second-squared.

“Bart!” Magno demanded, “What are you doing?”

“It wasn’t me!” the helmsman said desperately. “The ship just did that on its own! I couldn’t stop it!”

“What do you mean, ‘the ship did it’?” A little of her puzzlement showed, along with some impatience.

“The ship took over the controls,” he said, a little disgruntled. “Sometimes it’s got **AUOCHHH—**“

Bart made an agonized noise as the dome lit up a baleful red, and the deck shifted again. Lights dimmed, the main display nearly faded out, and the whole ship seemed to _flinch_, somehow.

“We’re under attack!” Lieutenant Coco proclaimed.

“Power outages and system failures all over the ship!” Lieutenant Chavien added. “Backup power, coming on-line now.”

Normally the Nirvana was entirely powered by the Pyxis. It had been years since the former pirate ship’s fusion reactor had to be brought out of standby to provide emergency power. The lights and screen brightened, red lights went out, and the ship steadied. Bart groaned, and shivered in his helm station.

“What was that?” Captain Magno sounded completely calm and in control.

Lieutenant Slaintheva was working frantically at her station, so Lieutenant Ortsov answered first. “Some sort of energy weapon from that…dreadnought? We caught just the edge of it.” She shook her head. “Never seen anything like it.”

“It’s like the Nirvana knew it was coming, somehow,” Belvedere put in.

The Nirvana suddenly turned and put on a burst of speed, seven-point-eight KPS-squared worth. Bart yelled, “Not me, again!”

“Brace for another hit!” BC’s voice rang out. They waited nervously…

“A clean miss,” Belvedere said with relief. Everybody else relaxed a little, too.

“Uh, Captain,” Bart said hesitantly, “we could have gotten completely clear of that first one if the ship hadn’t reduced power. I think…maybe it _wanted_ a graze, to show us what it was dodging.” The ship yawed again before he finished speaking. “Permission to follow the ship’s lead, Captain? It seems to know what it’s doing.”

Magno nodded decisively. “Permission granted, Mister Garsus.”

Amarone finished whatever she was doing at her station. “Captain, that ship’s emissions have changed completely.” She swallowed nervously. “Its energy signature is now a partial match for a Harvest Flagship. But the hull is completely different.”

Those words riveted her attention. “How is that possible?”

BC pursed her/his lips. “I’d say they built that ship around a Red Pyxis core they either stripped out of a Harvest Flagship, or salvaged from a wreck.” The Exec chuckled darkly. “We’ve left a few of those lying around.”

“Or maybe, pieces cobbled together from several wrecks,” Amarone speculated. “A _lot_ of pieces. It’s putting out much more energy than we’ve ever seen, and it’s faster, too. I’d say that ship’s core is two or three times the size of the Flagships we’ve fought before.”

“That could be it,” Lorelle agreed. “I doubt they could have dug an intact core out of the wrecks _we_ left behind!”

“Whatever they did, they have to be working with the Earthers.” BC was scowling now. “There’s no way anybody could do such an extensive modification without their help. We’ve suspected that for years, and now we’ve got the proof.”

They all had the same thought, at about the same time. _That means anyone they’ve captured must be long since dead, turned over to the Harvesters to keep a few Earthers alive a while longer. That would have to be part of their deal with Earth, wouldn’t it?_

The Nirvana jinked again, preemptively evading another red beam. Lieutenant Celtic Midori asked, hesitantly, “How does the ship know? How to avoid the beams, I mean?”

“It’s generated by a part of the Red Pyxis. Our Pyxis must be able to detect when it shoots, and where it was aimed,” Commander Calessa surmised. “At this distance, the beam takes almost fifteen seconds to reach us and the ship can move out of the way before it gets here.” She/he continued, somberly, “They’re headed for us, though. When they get close enough, we won’t have time to dodge. I give it about sixteen minutes.”

“What would a hit do to us, Lieutenant Chavien?” the Captain asked.

“Beam duration is more than three seconds.” She swallowed nervously. “Based on the effects of their grazing shot, my best estimate is, three direct hits would take down our shields and drain most of our power. We’d be defenseless.”

“If we factor in VanDread Jura, reinforcing our shields?”

“Maybe ten shots, no more than twelve. It’s the Red Pyxis, Ma’am. It drains the VanDreads’ power too.”

BC put in, “They can already control our movements, to an extent. They can shoot a beam we _have_ to dodge, anywhere they want. The only directions we’re free to move are directly towards that ship, or directly away from it, and they’ve got us backed up against those fortified asteroids.

Magno was done collecting information, and opinions. She announced her decision, and gave her orders. “We’re up against sixteen asteroid forts, a medium-sized enemy fleet, some amped-up imitation of a Harvest Flagship, and a deteriorating tactical position. We are now officially In Over Our Heads. Flight Commander, Group Commander, recall our Dreads and Vanguards. Commander Ballblair, bring the hyperdrive to ready. This party’s not fun any more. We’re leaving.”

“And I’m giving it a _really_ bad review!” Jura broke in. A few chuckles followed as her jest eased some of their tension.

Meia and Hibiki issued commands to their respective sub-leaders for an orderly return to the mothership. Green symbols started moving towards the big green arrowhead, accompanied by a few terse comments. The general attitude was of disappointment, but relief. The Nirvana swerved around two more beam attacks before they received another shock.

“Negative on the hyperdrive, Captain! The generator is showing fluctuations, above Level Three.” Bart sounded apologetic, confused and a little scared. “We’re being hit with gravity pulses and we can’t project a stable hyperspace field. If we try to use the hyperdrive it’ll tear the ship apart!”

Parfet delivered the next piece of bad news. “Something’s affecting the Pyxis, Captain. It’s got red spots, energy output is down eight percent, and it’s getting worse. I’m detecting some sort of…subspace noise, is the only way I can describe it. What’s happening?”

Amarone looked up from her station again. “It’s all coming from that ship, Captain. Gravity pulses, and some kind of spatial distortion, riding on them. The Nirvana’s gravity field and shields are keeping the effects from reaching the ship itself for now, but it’s disrupting space-time all around us. We…we’re not exactly in normal space any more. There’s nothing wrong with our hyper generator, it just can’t cope with the conditions we’re stuck in.”

“Major Garsus, get us out of here,” Captain Magno ordered. “I know it won’t be easy, but do your best.”

“Aye aye Captain, setting course…one-seven-one by plus-eight-three,” he said, with most of his attention on what the ship’s navigation system was telling him. On the big screen, the green arrowhead turned. “Accelerating, nine-point-two KPS squared. That’s all I can get.”

Magno nodded. “Dreads, Vanguards, take your positions. We’re going through, because we have to.”

“Enemy ships, on intercept course, accelerating,” Lieutenant Ortsov informed them.

Twenty seconds later, Lieutenant Slaintheva spoke up. “Enemy dreadnought, changing to intercept course.” Lines, colored shapes and numbers appeared in the display, slowly stabilizing as the tactical computers analyzed the changing situation.

“I think it’s obvious that ship was specifically designed to attack the Nirvana, and the VanDreads.” BC regarded the commanding officer gravely. “I think it’s clear what we found here, too — some sort of advanced weapons development outpost. They’ve got a number of things we’ve never seen before. Taking this place out would be a major strategic success.”

“Oh, it would,” Magno agreed. “Just at the moment, though, that’s kind of like planning how to stuff the tiger that’s gnawing your leg off.”

They swapped rather grim smiles and watched as the tactical computers refined their predictions. The image told the whole story. The enemy ships’ weapon ranges overlapped with those of the asteroid forts before the Nirvana could get out of the box.

“We’ve bought ourselves another ten minutes,” BC said without emotion.

Nobody had to say ‘Oh shit’; their faces said it for them, eloquently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Space tape is, of course, their equivalent of duct tape. It’s vacuum-proof, and can fix minor leaks.


	13. Barnette’s Battle

Heather was getting close. This was where she needed to be. There was something near her nowhere destination; she had an uneasy _feeling_ about a particular stretch of space, and her scanners were showing indistinct glimmers that might be energy readings. Her fingers twiddled, and a series of images flickered across her canopy showing the area in everything from microwaves to X-rays, but revealing very little more. There was some activity off her starboard wing, at the edge of the asteroid belt, but she was much too far away to sort out details.

She was still more than five million kilometers and fifteen minutes from her mystery goal, but soon she would know. She watched her closing velocity drop below 12,000 KPS, and sipped more water to relieve her dry mouth.

* * *

“Captain, I’ve got a plan,” Hibiki Tokai announced.

“Let’s hear it, Commander,” Magno invited him.

He swallowed nervously, but his voice was steady as he said, “Meia and I lead that thing away from the Nirvana.”

“Why would they fall for that?” BC said dismissively. “The Nirvana is a much higher-value target. They wouldn’t be stupid enough to let you distract them.”

“We don’t give them a choice.” Some anxiety leaked into his voice this time. “We present them with something they can’t ignore. We attack.”

“Hibiki, no!” Barnette choked herself off after that short outburst, but they both heard, _None of your crazy harebrained stunts!_ in their heads. The thought of Hibiki, and Meia, taking such a risk gave her an awful feeling and she tried frantically to think of some other answer, _any_ other answer. She failed.

Jura had reservations, too. “You’re fast, and you’re good, but I don’t think you can really pull that off.”

Hibiki gave her a ghastly chuckle. “Hey, I never said it was a _good_ plan; we just don’t have a better one.”

“So why not us?” The blonde still wasn’t convinced. “We can take at least a few hits; I don’t think you could take even one.”

Meia answered her, with a resigned head-shake. “VanDread Jura’s not fast enough. You’d be hammered to bits before you even got close.”

“And a strong defense won’t…_compel_ their attention,” Hibiki added. “They’d just ignore us and keep going after the Nirvana, then take all the time they wanted to deal with us. This is our best shot. Are you ready, Meia?”

“Ready, Hibiki,” she answered quietly.

The Dread and Vanguard maneuvered towards each other, got within that critical range, whirled away and unfolded into the Silver Eagle. Hibiki’s face reappeared, this time with Meia behind him. “We draw it away, you fight your way through those ships. We’ll break off once you’re clear and we all get the hell out.”

VanDread Meia raced off towards that sinister dreadnought. Neither of them, _nobody_, was actually _saying_ the words ‘suicide mission’…

Captain Magno wanted to deny them, wanted to order them not to go, but they really didn’t have any better plan. Her first duty was to her ship and _all_ of her crew, not just two of her friends. She fought down her misgivings and forced out a fierce pirate grin. “Meia, Hibiki…give ‘em hell!”

Meia gave her back one almost as convincing. “Aye aye, Captain!”

A purple Dread moved out after them at its maximum acceleration. “Meia, I’m going with you.”

“Barnette, **NO!**” Hibiki echoed her earlier protest.

“Come back, Barnette!” Jura’s shout rang out almost on top of his.

Meia tried a more reasonable argument. “Barnette, you can’t even keep up with us.”

“I’m faster than that ship, so I can catch up.”

“But what can you do with just a regular Dread?” Meia demanded.

“I don’t know,” the green-haired Flight Leader admitted. “Maybe nothing. Maybe I can’t help you, but I’m not going to live with knowing I didn’t even try.”

Meia understood. There was nothing she or anyone could say to change the mind of a woman watching her lover charge into such an unequal confrontation. She would honor her friend’s choice, and her right to make it.

“Jura, you _have_ to stay with the Nirvana,” BC warned her. With three of their top officers away, they would need her more than ever. Besides, watching Meia, Hibiki and Barnette go to tackle that ship all on their own was hard enough; the Exec didn’t want to be terrified for Jura too.

“Yeah, I know. We can’t all go haring off after those lunatics.” She sighed heavily. She knew what Barnette sounded like when her mind was made up, and arguing with her would be useless. “Take care, Barnette. And, good luck, all of you.”

“I will, Jura. Thank you.” Barnette managed a little smile. “See you at the after-party.”

Hibiki wanted to stop her, wanted to yell, scream, argue…but he’d learned some things about her, too. She’d smile, and thank him for his concern — and keep right on doing what she’d decided to do. He’d found her to be a very strong-willed woman, and he didn’t have any words that could dissuade her.

Everybody watched them go, taking all their hopes with them. VanDread Meia was rapidly outdistancing Barnette’s Dread but she kept on, determined.

_I won’t let you face this without me. I won’t stay behind and wait while you put your life on the line for me, for all of us. I will make **sure** you come back to me! My dearest Hibiki…_

That left Magno with some big gaps in her chain of command. “Jura, I’m making you Flight Commander in Meia’s place. Vallois, take over as Second. Commander Rojan, the Vanguard Group is yours. As soon as we deal with these ships, Meia and Hibiki can break off from that dreadnought. Let’s give ‘em hell!”

* * *

Hibiki called up a limited tactical plot on their main display, worked through vectors and velocities, and regarded the result without enthusiasm. “We want that ship to turn away from the Nirvana, more or less in _that_ direction,” he pointed, “so we have to swing around it and attack from about _there_. That should put us in position for a good follow-up.”

Meia nodded slowly behind him. “I agree. That’s the best way to accomplish our mission.”

He stared at the plot for a few more seconds. “Can you think of anything else?”

“No,” she answered quietly. “I don’t see many options. This operation has the singular virtue of being…brutally simple.”

“Henh,” he grunted. “You have such a way with words.” His eyes were drawn to one small green arrowhead. Barnette’s Dread was barely making half the acceleration of VanDread Meia so she was falling far behind them, but still gamely struggling to keep up. _Now there’s a woman who has a way with words. And a way with me. I wish I could keep her out of this, keep her safe…but she feels the same. If our positions were reversed, I would follow her just as obstinately as she’s following us, and for the same reasons._

They watched their progress towards the enemy ship as the estimated time counted down through six minutes. They were already decelerating, on a skewed vector, to get the proper angle on that ship before it closed in on the Nirvana, and make their first attack run. They didn’t allow themselves to think that it could also be their last…

Suddenly Meia took her hands off the controls, put her arms around Hibiki and squeezed him, desperately tight. “I’m…scared, Hibiki,” she whispered in his ear. This wasn’t the ice-hard Dread Commander Gisborn. This was the human Meia, the side of herself she showed only to her closest friends. The side she’d considered a weakness, kept locked away, rejected, denied, until the last few years.

He placed one hand over her arms and squeezed back. “Me too, Meia.” He’d been even more guilty of denying himself, of mistaking vain arrogance for strength, and showing his feelings for weakness. Learning the truth had taken him years, and many teachers. Magno and BC, Gascogne and Jura, Seran, Duelo, Misty and Paiway, Meia…Dita…and, most of all, Barnette. Slowly he had learned that accepting his feelings, even his fear, taking comfort and reassurance from his friends, and the woman he loved, could be a source of much greater strength.

Meia smiled. “I’ll be all right. I’d just like to stay like this, for a while. Until we have to…”

He nodded. No more words were required. Allowing themselves this moment of vulnerability, giving each other unconditional support, they prepared themselves for the trial to come.

* * *

Barnette watched the tiny stylized eagle symbol pull farther ahead of her. _Why must you fly so fast, lover? I can’t keep up_. Her tactical plot was filled with lines and numbers too, but she had no need to look at them; they were burned indelibly into her consciousness. She would be almost five minutes behind her lover and her friend when they engaged the enemy, and much too far away to affect the outcome. She really didn’t know what she would do when she did catch up, couldn’t think of any way to assist them, but she followed because she could do nothing else.

_I want to be with you, Barnette. You’re my girlfriend_. His words, and the memory of his embrace, sustained her. _Let’s both come back to each other_. That was her intention, too.

* * *

“That one was close!” Belvedere Coco reported nervously as the Nirvana shied away from yet another red beam. The Harvest Flagship dreadnought had cut its initial distance almost in half and the Nirvana had half the time to elude its fire. It also made engaging the more ordinary enemy ships much harder when they had to change course so frequently and unpredictably.

They stayed out of range of those gamma cannons and the forts didn’t bother shooting them, but the nearest three pounded them with wave after wave of missiles. So did the enemy ships. Bart and three Dread squadrons were kept so busy with missile defense they had little to spare for striking back. The remaining Dreads, and the Vanguards, were limited to attacking raiders and, once, a destroyer that got too bold, or too reckless.

The Nirvana’s own missiles had knocked out more than thirty raiders and three destroyers, and damaged a cruiser, but her launchers were shut down now, their magazines empty. Other nonessential systems were powered down as well; energy loss from the Pyxis was increasing as the enemy dreadnought closed in. The former pirate ship’s reactor only made up part of the deficit.

* * *

“Vonna break left **NOW!**” Lieutenant Brody’s frenetic shout hammered her ears, and Ensign Riesen obeyed instantly. Two plasma bolts sizzled through the space she would have occupied. She immediately twisted clockwise, boosting at ninety degrees to her initial evasion course, then turned to face the raider that had nearly burned two nasty big holes through her Dread, and her. Its lasers struck her frontal shields, with minimal effect. Her plasma cannons did no significant damage, either.

It was a game of Chicken now, and the first to turn away would probably die. If neither turned, they would both die spectacularly. She bore down on the raider, grimly determined not to be the loser. If the enemy was equally determined, this was going to be one of those messy ones…

“**HYAAARRRRRHH!**” A Vanguard barged into their game, forced its way though the raider’s shields and latched onto its underside. Karl must have shot up all his cannon shells, because he pulled out his huge battle-axe and started chopping away at the thing like a lumberjack — one with a personal grudge against this particular tree. Vonna smirked spitefully at the enemy pilot’s dilemma; violent maneuvers would throw off the clinging Vanguard, but forfeit the game of Chicken. She reduced power and watched anxiously, holding her fire, and her breath. If Karl didn’t hack through something important within a few more seconds, all three of them were going to ‘win’ this Chicken prize.

Something bright occurred inside the raider and it veered off course, flinging the Vanguard aside. Vonna spun her Dread and her fingers stabbed the firing controls, raking the thing with lasers and plasma bolts until it exploded, leaving them the undisputed winners of this round. She turned back in time to watch Karl chase down his wayward battle-axe and stow it, then they both started towards Dread Squadron Five and the other Vanguards assigned to back them up.

“You shouldn’t run off and play on your own,” Karl teased her lightly, but with a darker undertone. “The rest of us want to play, too.”

“You looked like you were having fun,” she teased back. “Maybe _too_ much **LOOK OUT!**”

The blip highlighted on her tactical display, the alarm, her Dread shooting ahead and pitching downward, it all seemed to take place in the same instant. She wasn’t even aware of moving the controls. She squinted as plasma fire washed across her forward shields less than a second later. A raider shot out of the melee but she had gotten between it and its target — Karl’s Vanguard.

“Stay behind me,” she ordered, taking in the new data. She was nose-to-nose with another raider but this time was different; they were on divergent vectors, not a collision course. She pushed her Dread a little closer to the raider’s path as it lashed out at her with lasers and another pair of plasma bolts, but she held her own fire. They whipped past each other less than three hundred kilometers apart, practically paint-scraping close for a space battle. They each had to turn _very_ fast to bring their weapons to bear on their enemy — and her Dread had a crucial advantage in maneuverability.

She won the turning race and punched her firing controls with a ferocious grin. Her Dread’s lasers and plasma cannons were fully charged and her enemy was out of position. They punched through its shields from the upper starboard side, there was a flash and a cloud of debris, and the raider lost control, spinning away faster and faster, shedding pieces. If her shots hadn’t killed the pilot outright, the G-forces would finish the job.

“Looks like I’m not the only one having fun.” Brody’s words were casual but his voice was heavy with relief. “I think that’s enough fun for now, though. Let’s get back to the squadron.”

* * *

Jura looked around at the flickers and flashes of nearby combat, then checked her tactical display. Her Dreads and Vanguards were doing a good job of maintaining a close screen around the Nirvana, holding the enemy raiders back. Since she ran out of missiles, though, the battle-cruiser and assault carrier had started edging closer. The carrier had turned out to be empty of raider ships, but it was doing a brisk business refueling and re-arming the ones that were already here.

She wasn’t completely comfortable with her assignment as Acting Flight Commander, and she usually had Barnette as her Second when they did this in training. Still, she was handling the job. They’d learned their lessons years ago when Meia nearly died, and most of the senior Flight Leaders were now trained, experienced and practiced at taking over for her if she was out of action, or otherwise occupied as she was today.

Not that she was doing much Commanding at the moment. ‘Force our way through the enemy battle-fleet as fast as possible’ didn’t call for a lot of brilliant maneuvers or tactical subtlety. She fended off enemies approaching the Nirvana in her little region, rode herd on her own squadron, and kept an eye out for any Dreads or Vanguards in danger of getting cut off and separated from theirs.

She’d almost been ready to order Five-Goldfinch, piloted by Ensign Riesen, back into formation when she was attacked by two raiders in quick succession. She was impressed with the way the junior pilot and a Vanguard had taken them both out, and relieved when both pilots got safely back to their squadron.

A couple of raiders attacked Two-Bluebird on her starboard side, but their coordination and positioning were lousy. She took one in the flank, and the next Dread over nailed the other one. The remains fell swiftly behind as their little fleet pushed on.

Gascogne and her Registry people had four shuttles busy resupplying the Dreads and Vanguards and as Flight Commander, Jura was fully informed on how fast those supplies were running low. There was no help for it, though; when the choice was between using missiles or losing Dreads, it was no choice at all. They had lost a few Dreads anyway. So far, the shuttles had retrieved all their casualties and taken them back to the Nirvana.

Flight Commander Elden did not check on their status. They were out of the battle and no longer her concern. Jura would find out what happened to her friends later, when other friends’ lives did not depend on her maintaining focus.

* * *

“I’m convinced that it _is_ completely automated, like the Harvesters,” Meia concluded. “Why else would they let us get this close?”

Meia’s hands were back on the control pads as their VanDread finally closed in on the enemy ship. They had drawn some desultory fire from a few small energy weapons, but the black dreadnought still seemed to be mostly ignoring them while shooting that red beam at the Nirvana every twenty-five seconds or so.

The spot they’d picked was highlighted on their display, although the ship itself was barely visible even with image enhancement.

“Now, Hibiki.” He brought up the shield around VanDread Meia’s head, concentrated on making it dense and strong to protect them, to do maximum damage, to get this thing off the Nirvana and all their friends.

* * *

Magno, BC, and the entire bridge crew watched as two symbols merged, collectively holding their breath…

The blue bird-shape reappeared, now behind the enemy. There was a collective sigh and mumble of relief. The bird turned, and slowed, preparing for another attack.

* * *

Meia and Hibiki were relieved, and a little surprised, to find themselves right where they’d planned to be, behind the enemy ship and zooming away from it. Meia immediately turned and started killing their velocity, lining up for a second attack.

They’d discussed the details of their first attack run, and settled on hitting the stern quarter at a shallow angle, hopefully doing some damage to its propulsion system and placing them to make their next strike from the rear. It would either turn away from the Nirvana or they would continue battering at its engines until something broke. They hoped it would be the enemy ship.

Their second attack run would be much like the first, going in at an angle and out through the hull less than thirty meters away. They didn’t want to ram it straight on and end up embedded in the ship’s innards, trapped and facing who-knows-what sort of internal defenses it might have. Speed and maneuverability were their only advantages.

They closed in again, finding that the dreadnought hadn’t changed course, or taken any apparent notice of them yet. Maybe it _was_ automated, and whoever programmed it hadn’t thought of ramming attacks by small craft. Their shield blazed again, the wings swept back and the ‘feet’ pulled in. They felt a small shock as they smashed through its shields, then a much bigger one.

Out through the side, Meia turned again and aimed for a bulge in the hull. Sparkles and glows showed inside the hole they’d just made, and debris tumbled and flashed in the sunlight; the ship wasn’t black on the inside.

She had to correct their course this time; the dreadnought was turning. They must have finally been recognized as a threat. They smashed through again, but now they were drawing energy fire from multiple small weapons along the ship’s flanks. Their shields held, but they wouldn’t take much more of this.

“I think it’s time to go,” Meia said judiciously as she put them on the course they’d chosen to lead that ship away from the Nirvana.

“Yeah, we seem to have worn out our welcome,” Hibiki agreed. He diverted power from the ramming shield to the aft shields. It looked like they’d hold until they got out of range, at least for the small weapons. That red beam had a range of at least twenty light-seconds.

* * *

“They did it!” BC was the first to get words out.

There were cheers and exclamations of relief from all of the bridge crew as they watched the big red arrowhead turn and start slowing down.

Magno made the announcement for everybody. “Flight Commander Gisborn and Group Commander Tokai have drawn off the enemy’s dreadnought. It’s decelerating, and has stopped shooting at us. All we have to do now is get through these ships, and we can all get the hell out of here!”

* * *

“Well, we did it,” Hibiki said brightly. “We got its attention.”

“That we did.” Meia wrenched the Silver Eagle through another evasive maneuver, narrowly avoiding yet another blast from the enemy dreadnought. “What do they say, ‘Be careful what you wish for’?”

“At least it’s not shooting that red beam at us. We could kiss our asses goodbye if they got us with that.”

She grunted and dodged again. “But this one cycles a lot faster so they get more chances to hit us. Can’t really say I’d call that an improvement.”

“We’re pulling away from it fast,” he encouraged her. “If we can keep it from getting us for another minute or two, we should be okay.”

She dug her fingers into the control pads and yanked their ship around. “I hope so, anyway.”

They sped on as Meia jinked about, the beams missing them by ever greater margins. They started to relax a little…

“Oh _shit!”_ Hibiki’s gaze was fixed on the tactical display. “It’s turning back!”

“No no **no!**” Meia wheeled them around and set off after the dreadnought. “Why did— uh. Our threat profile must have dropped below some threshold when we got to this distance.”

“So their target priority switched back to the Nirvana,” he concluded. “We have to go in again, get it chasing us, and stay closer. Will we have to start all over, getting its attention?”

“I sure hope not. That would take over two hundred seconds, with them shooting at the Nirvana the whole time.”

They canceled their velocity away from the dreadnought and started gaining on it. Hibiki kept an eye on the tactical plot. “We’ve almost closed to the distance where they turned back. Twenty seconds…”

* * *

“Oh, no,” Bart wailed as the deck shifted and power levels dropped slightly. “It’s shooting at us again! What are they doing out there?”

“Their best,” BC snapped. “You do yours.”

“Yes, Commander,” he said meekly. “But…the hyperdrive is still down and those ships are closing in on us. I don’t know if we’re gonna make it.”

“We have to,” Magno said grimly.

* * *

“We’re within range,” Hibiki reported. “No change in the enemy, it’s still headed for the Nirvana.”

“The critical range might be longer if it’s already chasing us,” Meia suggested.

“Huh. Us robot mechanics call that hysteresis,” Hibiki reflected. “When a threshold value is state-dependent.” He bared his teeth at the obstinate red icon. “Come on, you wanker, we’re right here. Come get some.”

“Wanker?” Meia raised an eyebrow quizzically. He couldn’t see it, but he felt it, somehow.

“Uh, yeah.” He chuckled and added, “Little something I picked up on New Salisbury last year. Seems appropriate.” He chuckled again. “Or appropriately inappropriate, anyway.”

He could feel her smile behind him. “Or pertinently impertinent?”

He chuckled again. “That too.” He felt something powerful inside him. _Meia really is the best friend I ever had. I’m glad Barnette and I told her about us, glad I’m not keeping that a secret from her any more._

“Put up the shield.”

“Good idea.” His fingers moved over the controls. “Ramming shield at full strength.” _See us, dammit, see us…_

They waited.

“Nothing,” he said, disgusted. “How long?”

“Another hundred and sixty seconds.”

“Too long! It’s already too close! We’ve **_got_** to make it follow us!”

“How?” she asked helplessly.

They both glared at its image as if they might force it to turn through sheer hostility. It didn’t work. Hibiki gave up first, and dropped his gaze.

“Meia…” he asked, perplexed, “what’s that control? I don’t remember ever seeing it before.”

“It’s… I don’t know,” she said, equally puzzled. “I’ve never seen it either.”

“Want to find out?”

“I think…yes. Try it.”

It was a recessed knob about three centimeters across, completely unmarked, near his left hand. When he touched it, a targeting ring appeared on the visual display and a narrow wedge of the knob lit up.

“That looks promising,” he observed. Turning the knob clockwise widened the glowing portion; after almost a full turn the entire knob was lit. Continuing to turn it had no further effect. Turning it the other way reduced the lighted segment. “Looks like I’ve got the power control.” He turned it all the way up again. “Can you aim it?”

She shifted her fingers on the control pads and sure enough, the target ring moved as their VanDread maneuvered. “Yes.” She adjusted their course to place the target on the Red Pyxis dreadnought.

“Great!” he exclaimed. “…now what?”

Acting on an intuition, Meia pushed down on both control pads. They heard a loud screaming noise, and a bright white beam shot from the Silver Eagle’s beak. It lost some strength to the enemy ship’s shields but punched into its stern.

“Minimal damage,” Hibiki said after a few seconds, disappointed. “Can we do that about a hundred times?”

“We don’t need to. It’s turning on us!”

“Oh, **_now_** you remember us!” Hibiki yelled. “That’s right, get yer ass back here, this dance ain’t over!”

Ahhh, Hibiki, I think we should run away now,” she said, suiting action to words as she flipped them around.

“Okay, but not too fast,” he cautioned. “We’ve got to keep it interested.”

* * *

“They’ve drawn it off again,” BC said, relieved.

“Those ships are still closing in, Commander,” Bart complained. “They’re trying to crowd us into the asteroid forts.”

“Don’t let ‘em,” Magno ordered. “Frying pan, fire. You know that.”

“Yeah, but the frying pan’s hot, too.” He was hunched up in the control nexus, as if trying to shrink away from both threats. “It’s getting downright claustrophobic in here, Ma’am.”

“Just keep doing your best, Bart,” she said reassuringly. “We’re all counting on you, now more than ever.”

* * *

Barnette checked her tactical plot. Finally, _finally_, she was approaching that abominable ship, and VanDread Meia. She didn’t like how close they were to it, and she didn’t like how it was reacting to their presence. It almost didn’t seem to be taking them seriously, as if they were just a trifling distraction from its real target, the Nirvana. It wasted as little time as possible on forcing them to back off before returning to its primary objective. Maybe two Dreads would be more effective?

* * *

Jura looked over her command, so unbearably proud of them all that she nearly wept. She gave them encouragement, compliments, support and advice, but few actual orders. They didn’t need them. Her pilots knew what to do, and they were doing it. They held the front against the enemy, protecting the Nirvana, and each other. This was surely their finest hour.

They were being ground down inexorably, but they faced the grueling struggle with stubborn, persistent courage. Damaged Dreads faltered and fell out of formation, but the survivors closed up the gaps and fought on. The tide of battle was turning against them, they might all die here, but they would never, never give in. They’d stopped calling themselves Magno’s Family years ago, but they were all family today. Jura Basil Elden was certain that they would fight to the last Dread.

And the last Vanguard. The men were right there in the thick of it, providing support, protecting casualties until they could be picked up, striking the enemy when and as they could. No one could doubt their valor, or their dedication. Hibiki wasn’t here to bear witness, so she would be proud of them in his place.

She spared a glance at her tactical plot, where VanDread Meia played a deadly game with the Harvester dreadnought. They were keeping it from menacing them with that frightful red beam, but somehow it was still disabling the Nirvana’s hyperdrive, still weakening the Pyxis.

_The enemy fleet, the asteroid forts, and that dreadnought — we could have faced or escaped any two of those threats. All three of them, combined, might just be too much for us. If something doesn’t break our way, soon…_

* * *

“It’s giving us the brush-off again,” Hibiki growled. “Damn thing’s got the attention span of a fruit fly.”

Meia turned them back towards the enemy ship before it could target the Nirvana. It actually seemed eager to dismiss them and go after their mothership. They had to try harder and harder to keep it occupied, at shorter and shorter ranges.

They closed in again, anxious to get it away from the Nirvana, and back to chasing them away. It turned with apparent reluctance towards this persistent little nuisance…then suddenly pivoted right at them and pushed ahead at nearly nine kilometers-per-second-squared. Its front end lit up…

Their ramming shield was the only thing that saved them. When it dimmed, and they could see again, the dreadnought was bearing down on them and there was no mistaking its deadly intent.

“Oh, **shit!**” Hibiki shouted, appalled. “It’s been drawing us in the whole time! Run away, _run away!”_

Meia was way ahead of him, straining to escape at VanDread Meia’s astonishing acceleration of over twenty-two KPS-squared but they were moving _towards_ that ship, and it towards them, and it would be almost twenty seconds before they could even start to pull away. Two seconds before that beam was ready to fire again, she started violent evasive maneuvers. After the shot, she went back to racing straight away from it.

After the second shot, they were at least moving away at an ever-increasing speed, but every eleven seconds or so they had to dodge another energy bolt. In about three minutes it would start to get easier. If they survived that long…

* * *

Barnette was still accelerating toward them at full power. Even the Silver Eagle couldn’t evade those shots forever. There were only so many ways to dodge, and the enemy only had to guess right once. Eventually, it would.

The enemy dreadnought was putting a lot into those blasts, and between those and the gravity pulses that still trapped the Nirvana it seemed to be starving its shields. Not an unreasonable tactic; only her Dread was anywhere near it. Her light weapons were not a significant threat.

She was in the perfect position to see when their luck ran out. One of those terrible bolts brushed across VanDread Meia’s tail before they could get clear. Meia’s Dread and Hibiki’s Vanguard spun out of the blast in different directions. Meia regained control quickly, but the Vanguard tumbled for much too long. Even after it stabilized, it continued on the same trajectory, almost directly away from the enemy, and from her.

* * *

Heather saw an explosion far ahead of her. Her ship put a magnified image on the canopy and she watched two machines fly out of it. One was a silver space ship much like hers, and the other one was a battle mech. The space ship flew away, but the mech was spinning toward her and seemed to be out of control. It…_felt_…important to her.

She could see the ship that had shot them, too. It was huge and black and menacing and she didn’t like it. It reminded her of the man-thing that had tried to kill her, somehow.

She concealed her approach from it by hiding in the mech’s scanner shadow. How did she know to do that?

* * *

Hibiki shook himself out of a daze, realized the beepings and buzzings in his ears came from outside, not inside his head. So did all the little red lights. Almost every subsystem on his Vanguard was demanding his attention, urgently. He looked more carefully and spotted some yellow lights, along with a few lonely greens. Life Support didn’t look good. Weapons and Engines were even worse, pretty much all red. Shields was mixed. Mechanical wasn’t bad; if he could just find something to walk on he’d be all set.

He tried his communicator, but it had clearly lost its little electronic mind and spewed something like high-speed techno-industrial mood music. He turned it down, but not off, in case it managed to cure itself.

He looked outside and the first thing he saw was that damned Red Pyxis dreadnought that had suckered them, lured them in and done this to them. He felt ashamed, and stupid, to have fallen for its tricks, but what choice had there been? They _had_ to get that ship away from the Nirvana, _had_ to do whatever it took to fix its targeting algorithms on them, keep VanDread Meia at the head of its priority array. It seemed to be backing away from him, but in fact he was still hurtling away from it. He would be within range of that deadly beam for a _long_ time, though. He needed to move, fast.

He soon concluded that he wasn’t even going to move slow. Diagnostics said the main thruster modules themselves were intact, but none of them were getting main power. It had to be the power couplings. They had always been a weak link — but they were still the best of several bad solutions. And, of course, the problem was on the outside, where it would be trivial to fix in the maintenance bay but impossible out here. Murphy strikes again.

Some of the attitude thrusters worked, and had stopped him from tumbling, but for going anywhere he might as well get out and push.

Scanners were a bust, probably something external with that too.

* * *

Barnette altered course to intercept him. “I’m coming, Hibiki!”

He didn’t answer. Something was very wrong. He was not maneuvering, not even trying to evade. His Vanguard’s engines must have been damaged. She wouldn’t think about any other reason. She was closing on him, but so was the enemy, and it was way ahead of her. It wouldn’t pass up this chance to finish him off while he was disabled.

* * *

Hibiki patted one of the least angry consoles and shook his head sadly.

“Well, partner, we’re in a pickle now. How could you let that loser kick your ass so bad? You’re kind of letting me down, buddy.”

* * *

Heather was still headed towards the battle mech. It was gold and white and it looked achingly familiar. Her ship seemed to know that she was interested in it and kept its image in front of her. It had stopped spinning and now had its back to her, facing the enemy ship. She was almost there…

She _felt_ that ship was an enemy, to both of them. She still couldn’t explain these _feelings_, or the things she knew that she had no business knowing. They had to be from the lost part of her life but why wasn’t there more? Why were there only vague feelings and knowings, but no actual memories? What was wrong inside her head?

* * *

Barnette leaned forward, as if that could make her Dread go faster. “Hold on, Hibiki…”

He still wasn’t answering her.

The dreadnought turned slightly to line up its main weapon on the Vanguard. Meia appeared to finally realize something was wrong, turned back toward him, but she was still moving away from him, too fast.

She felt helpless panic. “Get the hell out of there, Hibiki!”

Her Dread, so swift and deadly, was much too far away, too slow. She would never reach him in time. She opened fire on the enemy's stern with her lasers. Even at this range she might get their attention, distract them…

* * *

Hibiki watched the enemy ship as it stopped receding from him and seemed to sit almost motionless against the stars. It had matched his trajectory. That was bad. That meant it wanted to be really, really sure of its next shot.

He reached out and touched the canopy with his fingertips, next to one lonely green arrowhead symbol. “Good-bye, Barnette. We should have had more time. I was happy with you. I should have told you… I’m sorry.”

The communicator continued to squawk and sputter electronic gibberish at him. He couldn’t even talk to her. To anybody.

He turned to the blue arrowhead, racing away. “Good-bye, Meia. Don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault. It’s war.”

They were beyond his reach, but at least they were safely away from this monstrosity. He wouldn't be taking any of his friends with him.

He looked at the distant cluster of icons ranged around the Nirvana’s big green arrowhead. “Jura…be well. Take care of Barnette for me. She’s going to need you.”

There were so many more…Gascogne, BC, Bart, Parfet, Duelo, both Captain Magnos, Paiway, Vallois, Misty…his new shipmates, Rika, Fione, Celise, Vonna and Karl…everybody, really. They were all his friends and family, the best ones anybody could ever wish for. It was a privilege to have known them.

And then there was one. He brought his hand back to the controls. He reached inward, to that _feeling_, the tenuous connection they somehow shared through the Pyxis. This far from the Nirvana there was no detail, only a vague sense of her existence, but still he felt her touch. “Dita? Are you with me? I wish I could have seen you again… I tried, Dita. I searched, and searched, and I never gave up, but I couldn’t find you. The galaxy is just so fucking big… I failed you again. I’m so sorry, Dita. Wherever you are, I hope you can forgive me.”

* * *

Barnette saw reflections of emitter glow as the enemy colossus completed its prefiring cycle.

Panic turned to terror. “Hibiki! Move! Get away!”

Too late. From her vantage she could actually watch the enemy’s beam close in on the defenseless Vanguard.

**“HIBIKI!! NOOOOO!!!”**

The Vanguard was swallowed by a blinding nimbus and her voice rose to an inarticulate scream.

* * *

Hibiki looked down the barrel of Hell. “Oh, shit.”

* * *

Heather _felt_ what was coming and cried out, forlorn, desperate: “Help him. Oh, somebody please _help_ him!”

That maddeningly familiar gold-and-white machine suddenly seemed to rush toward her as a harsh blaze of light blotted out the stars.

* * *

Barnette’s scream ended. There was silence, in the cockpit and in her soul. She had cut power without thinking about it. She checked her instruments by reflex, but she already knew what they would tell her. She had built up too much closing velocity, on the wrong vector. She couldn’t avoid getting far too close to that ship. She wouldn’t actually crash into it, but it didn’t matter. It wouldn’t even have to break through her frontal shields. There was no way her Dread could yaw fast enough to keep its nose toward the enemy, and it would swat her like a bug as she passed.

Even that didn’t matter. They were finished. Her death would be just one more, a little sooner than everyone else’s.

With Dita gone, they had been down one VanDread. Now that Hibiki was…was… there were _none_. The Nirvana was far from helpless, but this awful ship had been _designed_ to destroy her and there was nothing now to stop it from doing just that. Once the Nirvana was gone, the enemy would have the Dreads and Vanguards trapped in this system and running them down would take only hours. A few might manage to hide among the asteroids until their life-support ran out. She suspected that all of her friends’ best option would be to avoid capture by dying in the hopeless battle.

Barnette pondered what to do with the last eighty seconds of her life, then made her decision. She slammed the engines back to full power; now it would be the last seventy seconds. She changed course, just a little. Her fingers danced over keypads, entering commands and overrides that she was never, _ever_ supposed to use. Well, if somebody complained in the next fifty-five seconds, she would tell them to stick it. Red lights began to appear and blink on her consoles, and warnings started to sound. This was all sorts of crazy, but her death might not be useless after all.

_I am Flight Leader Barnette Orangello. Fear my wrath, you bastard!_

Forty-four seconds left, her hands steady on the controls. She had done all she could. It would work, or not. She rather thought it would. That ship had weakened its own shields just enough, and her plasma cannons would weaken one spot still further, just before she hit. The enemy began turning away from the scene of its crime, back on the course that would allow it to massacre all of her friends.

Barnette adjusted her own course. She felt a calm serenity as she watched the enemy ship expand in front of her. “Wait for me, Hibiki. I’m coming to join you…my love.”

Her last regret was not telling him while he was still alive to hear it.

Beyond her target, the blast that had taken him from her dissipated, faded…and something was emerging from the residual glare. It looked like a battle mech, but it couldn’t be Hibiki’s Vanguard.

It was too big.

It was too blue.

It was…impossible.

_What the hell?_

Two massive cannons swung up and locked into place on its shoulders.

_It can’t be…_

They crackled with energy as they burned brighter and brighter.

_She’s gone. She’s dead!_

Two searing beams lanced out, punched through the enemy’s depleted shields and speared that ship right through the middle.

_**I** love Hibiki! He’s mine…_

The enemy ship’s relative motion dragged it through the beams from midships to stern, ripping it apart. Somewhere along the way its main reactor lost containment, and the dreadnought erupted into a miniature nova right before her eyes.

_It’s not **fair!!**_

Her hands had already been busy, doing things without bothering her brain with the details. They reduced engine power, vectored her away from the enemy’s remains, restored the interlocks on her missiles, cut her reactor’s hydrogen feed back to normal, and vented the excess through the plasma cannons. She wouldn’t have to use her Dread as a bomb after all. The enemy ship was destroyed. The battle was not lost. She and all her friends were not about to die. The man she loved was alive!

So why did she feel almost…cheated?

Her comm signaled an incoming transmission. The enemy’s destruction had raised too much interference for video, but she didn’t need to see. She already knew what she would hear.

A bright, cheerful voice, returned from the grave. “Hi, everybody! I’m back!”

* * *

Heather was plunged into chaos. There were several seconds of whirling disorientation, much worse than when she tried to push her memory too far. A dazzling light poured through the canopy and she could almost feel her spaceship’s shields straining to hold it back. There were strange, yet almost familiar mechanical sounds, whirring and clunking, and everything was moving around her, jostling her, shifting her body into a new position.

It ended. She found herself sitting in a different, larger cockpit, in front of, no, _on top of_, another person. There was normal gravity in here. She felt arms around her, saw gray-gloved hands over hers on the controls…

Hibiki!! She gasped as memories of him flooded into her mind. She remembered his face, his voice, his corny antics, his smile, his courage. She remembered how she felt about him, how he had started to return those feelings. And there was more…

Heather gasped again as an entire universe exploded inside of her. Faces, names, feelings, events were there as if they’d never been gone. Somehow, Hibiki had been the key to all of her lost past.

She turned so she could see his face inside his flight suit helmet. He gazed back at her in wonder and apprehension, as if she were some sort of fragile, unstable miracle, and would vanish as mysteriously as she had appeared if he did or said the wrong thing. He finally worked up the nerve to speak, and she saw his lips move behind the face-plate. His voice came, tremulously, from two grilles on the sides of his helmet.

“Dita?”

She felt one final memory hit her harder than all the rest. _Dita? That’s me! **I’m** Dita! My real name is…**Dita Liebely!!**_ Damn them, they had even stolen her _name!_ Because now she knew that neither she nor her past had ever been lost, they were _taken_. She _owed_ somebody for that, and somehow, someday, she would find them, and _they would pay!_ She had Hibiki now, she had all her friends, and they would help her.

“Oh, Hibiki…” It was all she could say.

It was all she needed to say. This was not the time for words. Dita faced forward again and leaned against him and it felt oh, so good, even through his suit. Yet another thing they had stolen from her, from them both. Well, she and Hibiki could start getting some payback right now. _All_ her memories had returned, and she knew _exactly_ what her fingers were doing as they flickered through the sequence that raised VanDread Dita’s cannons into position and charged them.

Hibiki was already generating the targeting solution. Two yellow reticles appeared, glided onto the black ship’s image, merged, blinked red. Together they hit the firing controls and watched as their enemy was wiped from the universe.

VanDread Dita’s communicators worked perfectly, and had apparently inherited all the latest codes from his Vanguard. When activated, they poured out multiple channels of confused chatter. Dita worked through a seldom-used series of commands and then broadcast to the whole star system.

"Hi, everybody! I'm back!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve seen rumors and speculation that VanDread Meia had a secondary energy weapon, the way VanDread Jura has those laser disks. I took that and ran with it. I hope nobody objects!


	14. Aftermaths

The engagement was far from won, but with the sudden appearance of VanDread Dita and their annihilation of the enemy’s biggest, most powerful ship, the one they had counted on to destroy the VanDreads and the Nirvana, the tactical situation changed radically.

Dita headed them towards the Nirvana, and the intense fighting, then shifted her hands and turned the maneuvering controls over to Hibiki.

“Take us there.” Her voice was no longer cheerful. There was something chilling, and implacable, that he had never heard from her before. All of her attention was focused on the combat ahead.

Hibiki keyed the communicator. “Nirvana Control, this is— this is VanDread Dita. We’re on our way, approaching from, uh, one-nine-zero by zero? About that, anyway. Stand by.”

The reply was not exactly up to military standards. They heard laughing, crying and cheering over the channel. Communications discipline had broken down just a little, it would seem. A woman’s excited voice cried, “Hibiki! **Dita!** Um, VanDread Dita, Nirvana Control here. Approach confirmed. W-welcome back!” This was followed by more cheers.

Another voice came on, sounding strained and agitated. “How fast can you get here? We’re in some deep shit. They’re breaking through, getting to the Nirvana. We’re barely holding on. We need your help, soonest. Hurry back, and…and kick their asses!” The cheers after her pronouncement sounded much angrier.

He hadn’t flown the Blue Kachina configuration in more than three years, but then again, neither had she. It had always seemed to respond as much to thoughts as finger movements, anyway. They raced toward the combatants as her fingers stroked the control pads and the targeting designators roved over the scene. One of them stopped and blinked red, and Dita hissed as she mashed down on the firing control. The beam shattered a distant enemy raider.

_The shoe’s on the other foot now!_ Hibiki thought with grim satisfaction. The enemy fleet had been keeping the Nirvana pinned down so their dreadnought could close in; this sudden reverse had her holding them in place while VanDread Dita bore down on them. The girl on his lap felt tense and impatient, flicking her attention from place to place as she searched for more targets. Another few minutes…

VanDread Dita reached the battle front and nothing could stand before her vengeance. Dita set about collecting the down payment for her stolen years with a fierce determination. Hibiki flew, she targeted and punched the firing controls. She seemed almost possessed as she sought out enemy ships and hammered them, with one beam or both, hitting them again if they weren’t completely devastated by her first strike. Hibiki had never seen her like this, or experienced such power in their VanDread. She seemed to have taken it to a whole new level.

Three double blasts dispatched the battle-cruiser but she growled and pounded the wreckage twice more before moving on. The enemy’s assault carrier tried to run but she tagged it with one beam, shifted her aim and shredded a cruiser that had turned on a Dread squadron, then put two bolts through the carrier from stern to bow. Nothing remained after the explosion but a spreading cloud of metal bits.

Meanwhile, their Dreads and Vanguards were back on the offensive, mercilessly exterminating raider ships as the Nirvana, her shields and beams restored to full power, wiped out another cruiser and three destroyers.

Meia rejoined Squadron One. “Flight Leader One reporting in, Flight Commander.” Her short message said it all. She had no intention of trying to take over from Jura. Changing leadership now would cause confusion and court disaster. She would lead her own squadron under Jura’s command until the battle ended.

“Good to have you back, Meia.” Jura was too relieved at her friend’s return to maintain any pretense of formality. “You had me worried for a while there.”

“I was _way_ past worried,” the blue-haired Commander admitted. “And you were…nobody could have done better. You held it all together, even through that. Thank you, Jura.”

The blonde chuckled. “Hey, I had to, or you’d never let me hear the end of it. Now let’s kick some ass, and forget about taking names!” They both laughed, and scanned for targets.

The enemy’s fortified asteroids continued to launch missiles at all of them, although they remained out of range for those gamma cannons. There wasn’t any way to attack the things without getting torn apart.

“I’m hit!” A panicked voice grabbed everybody’s attention.

Hibiki turned — he _knew_ where to go — and they put on a burst of speed to rival VanDread Meia.

“Lorin!” somebody yelled, then a little less frantically, “What happened?”

“That cruiser drove me too close to an asteroid fort,” she said nervously. “They hit me with a gamma cannon. My Dread’s not working…”

Another voice cut in, “It’s getting ready to shoot again! Lorin, get _outta_ there!”

“I can’t!” she wailed helplessly.

A furious redhead _snarled_, and locked both targeting cursors onto one particular spot on the offending rock. Lorin had been a good friend, back in the old days. Rigid fingers stabbed the firing controls. “Hah…hah…hah…**hah!**” She didn’t seem aware of the noises she made. Their beams were more powerful than ever. She concentrated on her target as they struck, the first two having little effect, the third producing a brighter flash, the last one raising a fireball. “**Hyah!**”

“Oooooh, nice secondaries,” somebody observed. “Energy readings are way down. I think you just knocked out their cannon.”

Hibiki worked out what must have happened. Dita had scored two near-impossible hits on their gamma cannon when they opened its tiny firing port in their shields.

“Thank you…Dita…thank you…” Lorin’s voice came over their comms, a little slurred. Her Dread was slowly turning over and over.

“Four-Falcon, status!” barked a new voice they recognized as Rika’s.

“Flight computer’s fried, scanners out.” Lorin sounded tired now. “Life support failing. Got…Rad Orange alert.” Some of the gamma had gotten through her shields, and her flight suit would be pumping her full of anti-radiation drugs. Radiation Orange was serious, but treatable if they got her to sickbay in a hurry. Red was critical, a fifty-percent chance of survival at best. Purple meant a talking dead woman.

A Vanguard was moving towards the disabled Dread. “Lieutenant Hadley!” a man’s voice called. “I’ll get you back to the ship.”

“Flight Commander, Flight Leader Four,” Rika reported. “Four-Falcon is down, she’s returning to base. Orders?”

“Flight Leader Four, raiders at three-two-zero by minus-eleven, take ‘em.” Jura replied steadily.

“Yes, Ma’am, on it!” Rika snapped. The remaining Dreads rotated and started shaping an intercept course.

The Vanguard reached Lorin’s Dread, turned it towards the Nirvana and started pushing. “I’ve got you, ma’am. Just hang in there.”

“Ethan? Izzat you?” Lorin said woozily. “I…don’ feel…so good…”

“Stay with me, Lieutenant,” he urged her. “Nirvana Control, I’m bringing in a casualty. Emergency clearance, Rad Orange, have a med team ready. ETA, eight minutes.”

The reply was emphatic. “Affirmative. Bring her home, Lieutenant.”

Gascogne’s voice interrupted. “I can get her there faster. I’ll meet you.”

“Aye, Commander.”

On the bridge, Captain Magno’s gaze sharpened. “Did they really take out one of those gamma cannons?”

Lieutenant Slaintheva had been working over every bit of sensor data she could collect ever since the announcement. “Looks like it, Captain. I don’t know how much else got damaged, but all I see from that gun emplacement is heat, over two thousand degrees.” She smiled a nasty smile. “I think their antimatter charge got loose in the works.”

BC and Magno shared an even nastier smile as the Captain shouted, “Major Garsus! Get us in _range!”_

The Nirvana was already turning as he acknowledged, “Aye, Captain, setting vector, one-three-six by minus-four. Have to go part-way around and come in from that side.” There was now a narrow cone where the asteroid’s three other cannons couldn’t bear on the Nirvana. Bart was taking the ship into it before getting closer. “Accelerating, nine-point-four-five KPS squared, time to effective range, three hundred nineteen seconds.” That was close to the Nirvana’s limit, even undamaged. They were risking everything on this chance to win.

BC turned her attention back to Amarone. “Tactical, is that thing moving?”

“No, Commander.” Amarone was keeping a close watch on it. “They don’t seem to be making any effort to turn the damaged side away from us. Maybe they can’t.”

“Missiles!” Lieutenant Coco reported. “Two missiles, coming around from the other side. Countermeasures active…still locked on.”

Bart’s voice sounded stony and determined. “Targeting…firing.” A dozen blazing light-worms emanated from the Nirvana’s upper hull and converged on the missiles. One just went dead, following its last vector. The other one detonated, hiding them and the asteroid from each other for half a minute. When the interference cleared, their target appeared unchanged.

The enemy had positioned their fortified asteroids so that it was impossible to close with any of them without facing overwhelming firepower from at least two of those gamma cannons and two dozen missile launchers. VanDread Dita had cracked that interlocked defense, opened a hole they could exploit if they moved fast enough.

Tension built as they raced towards the crippled enemy station and it remained inert. They all feared it might be a trap, but as seconds, then minutes passed none of them could think of any reason for it not to have sprung. If the enemy had any tricks up their sleeves, they were running out of time to play them. The next nearest asteroid was launching missiles at them, a dozen at a time, and Bart wiped them out with sixty beams per salvo. None of them even got close. He’d learned to control the Nirvana’s exotic weaponry with skill and precision, and he used it all now.

“Bridge, Nirvana Control. Request you cut acceleration for…eighteen seconds? We’ve got a casualty to bring on board, and they can’t match velocity with us.”

Magno’s response was immediate and decisive. “Mister Garsus, prepare to cut acceleration. Coordinate retrieval with Nirvana Control.”

“Aye, Captain.” They didn’t hear his conversation with them, but after a short wait he warned, “Cutting acceleration…now.” There was no change they could detect, but it showed on the tactical display. The Nirvana turned, aligning the shuttle bay for the pickup. They watched the tiny green square of Gascogne’s shuttle approach the big arrowhead and merge with it. “Casualty on board. Returning to original course.” They turned back towards their target. “Accelerating, nine-point-four-five KPS squared.”

They were still speeding towards the damaged asteroid, and now piled on even more velocity. The next one stopped shooting; whether they’d run out of missiles or just decided to stop wasting them, only the enemy knew.

“Time, Bart?” Captain Magno demanded.

“Forty-three seconds, Ma’am,” he told her.

“Target status, Amarone?”

“Unchanged, Captain. Still no movement.”

“Two more missiles from the target,” Belvedere informed them. “Looks like they’ve only got two working launchers, and they’re taking a long time to reload. Damaged, most likely.”

Bart took them out without comment. Both of them detonated this time. When the hash cleared, Amarone found a new red mark. “Contact! That last cruiser’s back!”

Not only was it back, it had concealed its approach behind their target, and was now closing on the Nirvana’s underside at a reckless speed and acceleration. They all watched anxiously as Bart frantically rolled the ship to engage…and VanDread Dita swept in, tore it to pieces with two double energy bolts, then shot off in search of more enemies.

A few seconds later Bart muttered, “Almost there…” as he called up the weapon that had destroyed the Harvester Planet-Killer. It was incredibly powerful, but its maximum range was barely half a million kilometers. He watched the targeting caret change to red.

Down in the Nirvana’s core the Pyxis lit up like a blue-white sun, forcing the Main Engineering crew to cover their eyes. Two spiraling swirls of dazzling streaks burst from the Nirvana’s outrigger hulls and punched into the damaged asteroid. Its shields held for a second, two seconds…and that was all. A new star lit up the war zone, for a brief moment seeming to outshine Maddalen itself.

“Target destroyed, Captain!” Ketrina and Amarone shouted almost in unison. The whole bridge crew made noises of excitement and relief.

“Good shooting, Bart!” Captain Magno congratulated him. “Now take us right through that and set course for the next one.”

“Aye, Captain, setting course.”

They understood her tactics at once. Lose the Nirvana in the residue of their tiny nova and close with the next asteroid before its sensors and targeting scanners could find her again. She’d be impossible to pick out against a background of such energetic interference. Their own scanners would be just as blinded, but that didn’t matter. The asteroids could barely move, and Bart already had their positions locked in. He plotted the most efficient path to attack each asteroid fort in turn, always keeping the previous one’s blazing remains at their backs.

The Nirvana cruised through the enemy’s defenses, her irregular course marked by brilliant glares of freed antimatter. Even after the enemy realized what Magno was up to, there wasn’t much they could do about it. They blind-launched salvo after salvo of missiles but their seekers were useless, unable to penetrate the massive interference. They struck out with their gamma cannons, but without a detectable target it was like trying to shoot a fly with a laser pistol, blindfolded, from seventeen kilometers away. Nothing even touched the Nirvana’s shields.

Dita blew the last two enemy destroyers apart, and ripped through raider after raider, almost racing the Dreads and Vanguards for kills. Eventually, though, when she ran out of more satisfying targets and started vaporizing puny armed shuttlecraft with the same energy blasts that had gutted the enemy’s capital ships, Hibiki pried her hands off the control pads.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her until her combat mania subsided, until she realized that they’d won the battle, calmed down and got herself under control. Hibiki had heard of berserkers, primitive warriors whose battle frenzy terrified their enemies and their comrades alike, and now it seemed that the tradition was not entirely lost. She had begun to terrify _him_, just a little.

They had barely spoken through the battle, their attention consumed by the immediate demands of maneuver and attack. They didn’t speak as they separated their machines and returned to the Nirvana. Their minds and hearts were too full, so many words jammed together that none could get through.

Dita’s seat and restraining harness fit her perfectly now. She cautiously maneuvered her fighter into the small cargo hold that had been converted to a hangar for their three oversized Dreads. There was a slight bobble as she passed into the ship’s gravity field, but she corrected without bumping into anything. Meia was already there, and they waited for Jura before closing the outer door and pressurizing the hold. She was too impatient to wait for the pressure to equalize, so when she opened her Dread’s canopy the air rushed out, leaving her a little light-headed and with an uncomfortable fullness in her ears. She ran to the inner door and shifted anxiously from foot to foot as the pressure rose and her ears’ complaints faded, until the indicator blinked green and the control panel allowed her to enter an OPEN command. She heard the other two Dreads’ canopies open as the door started to move.

Two familiar voices called out to her, sparking cherished, newly-recovered memories. “Dita!” “Dita!”

She turned and gave them a big smile, but she had something else to do. “Hi Meia, hi Jura, great to see you, ‘scuse me, gotta go!” She slipped through the still-opening door and hurried away before they could even try to answer.

* * *

Hibiki found that two of his main thrusters had healed themselves during the fusion, and he was able to reach the Vanguard bay unassisted. The communicator's dementia had also passed, allowing him to check in and obtain clearance, behind three Vanguards more heavily damaged than his. He got his Vanguard parked and powered down, then laid one hand on a console. “Thanks, partner. You really came through for us. Sorry I doubted you.”

When he opened the canopy several Ship Services gals were already connecting power cables and fuel lines as a small gang of Taraak mechanics approached, bearing tools. They waved cheerfully and started swarming over his Vanguard before they even got the work platform positioned. He stepped onto it, unsealed his helmet and set it on the seat, then started taking his flight suit off. Two mechanics climbed up and one helped him while the other one started looking over the damage. They got his suit off and hung it over the work platform's safety railing. More people, mostly women, wandered into the Vanguard bay through the now-open doors, milling around, talking and smiling up at him.

He smiled in return and raised a hand, turned toward the platform’s narrow stairs, then spotted a familiar face and green hair near the back. He called, “Barnette!”

An instant later there was another shout, almost a shriek. “**Hibiki!**” He saw bright red hair and blue eyes as Dita pushed through the crowd towards him, tears streaming down her face.

Barnette turned and plunged through the nearest doorway. Maybe she hadn’t heard him.

He ducked under the railing, holding on to it just long enough to control his speed, and dropped to the deck. Dita elbowed her way past the last few people and he caught a quick flash as her white blouse, streaked with reddish-brown stains, flapped open before she crashed into him, nearly knocking them both down. He braced against her as she flung her arms around him and crushed the breath out of him, laughing, crying and trying to talk all at once. He returned her embrace and she squashed him even tighter, finally managing to force out, “Hibiki, Hibiki, oh, Hibiki…” before she gave up on words and just blubbered ecstatically on his shoulder.

Hibiki felt tears in his own eyes, and the cold emptiness that had been so much a part of him for the last three years was just _gone_. Dita had banished it in seconds. It hadn’t happened when they shared the seat in VanDread Dita; maybe holding her properly, without a battle to occupy their attention and a flight suit in the way, made their reunion finally seem real. It didn’t matter. He babbled in her ear, “Dita…Dita…it’s you, you’re here, you’re really here…I f-found you…Dita…” and then he ran out of words too.

Neither of them knew how long they stood there absorbed in each other before the rising hubbub around them got their attention. Hibiki opened his eyes — when had he closed them? — and found that they were surrounded by laughing, chattering women keeping about half a meter’s distance from them. The crowd now filled the Vanguard bay and spilled out into the passageway beyond, and he was sure the uproar was reaching the bridge. Dita raised her head and reluctantly unwound an arm to wipe the tears off her face. The first person she saw was Meia, with a few unruly tears of her own leaking out.

Dita smiled and held her hand out. “Sorry I ran off like that, but…”

Meia took her hand. “I see what was so important.” Her voice was warm and sincere as she said, “Welcome back, Dita.”

Dita sniffled, still smiling. “Thank you, Meia. It’s good to be home.”

Meia moved around in front of Hibiki as Dita greeted another Dread pilot, and now she really did look ready to cry. “Hibiki, I’m so sorry, I abandoned you—“

He shook his head emphatically. “Don’t, Meia. Just don’t. There was no way you could have known, there was nothing you could have done, and I took comfort in knowing you were safe. Never blame yourself for what happened out there. Promise me.”

She wasn’t having any. “I should have gone back. I should have at least _checked!_ I didn’t—“

“No! I was there, remember? You didn’t do anything wrong, and I won’t let anybody say you did, not even you. Drop it. We won the battle, and we’re still here. It worked out okay, and that’s all that matters.” He grinned, pulled his right hand from Dita’s back and held it out to her. “Permission denied to feel guilty about it, Commander!”

Instead of taking his hand, she stepped close and huddled against him. He put his arm around her. “It really is all right, Meia. I’m glad to see you’re okay. That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? Keeping the people we care about safe? And you’re one of the people I care about.” She snaked her arm around his back and squeezed. For a time he stood awkwardly, one arm around Dita and one around Meia, then Meia gave him another quick squeeze and moved away a little. He smiled at her and ran his eyes over the crowd.

Hibiki felt Dita step away from him, talking excitedly to Jura, and was startled by a loud CLANG right behind him. He turned and looked down, at an access cover from his Vanguard, then up at a red-faced mechanic who seemed to be staring at something over his shoulder. He followed the man’s gaze…

Suddenly his brain wasn’t working at full capacity. Dita stood beside him, reaching for Jura’s hand, her blouse pulling open. He saw that she was shaped a lot like Barnette, though there were some differences, too. “Dita, your—“ He reached toward her, then jerked his hand back and hastily looked away.

She looked down at herself, realization dawned, and she giggled. “Oh. Guess I should change clothes.” She gave him a heated look and unconcernedly tugged her blouse together. It still didn’t provide much coverage. “After the day I’ve had, this is nothing.”

Several other women quickly crowded around her, frowning menacingly at Hibiki and the Taraak mechanics. Dita forced her way through them and hugged Hibiki again. “I want to stay right here forever and ever but, I need to piss, I want to take a shower, and I should get some clothes that haven’t been through…what these have been through. Will you wait for me a little longer?”

He squeezed her tight. “Of course, Dita. After three years, what’s another hour? Now that I know I _can_ see you again. Go take care of yourself. I’ve got a few things to do, too.” They continued to stand there with their arms around each other. Neither one wanted to let go, it would seem.

Finally, Dita pulled back. “I _really_ have to piss.”

Hibiki laughed. “Then you’d better get going, before you make a mess on the deck.”

She laughed too, and pushed him away. “Three years, and this is what I come back to?” Her blouse was open again, and she still didn’t care. He forced his gaze upward. She gave him a warm smile. “I’ll see you soon,” she grinned at him and giggled, “Mister Alien.”

He grinned and chuckled back. “Crazy UFO girl,” he said fondly, “see you soon.”

Some women surrounded her again and they moved off through the crowd. Hibiki watched them go, but the Taraak mechanics looked _anywhere_ else under the women’s stern glares. When she passed out of sight, he turned to the men on the work platform. “Hey, Mikaru, could you toss me down my flight suit? And the helmet.”

“Coming right…down, Major.” He picked up the suit, held it out and carefully dropped it into Hibiki’s arms, then fetched the helmet. “Is…everything okay, Major? Are you…”

Hibiki grinned up at him, without a trace of his old sorrow. “Never better, man, never better. We kicked ass and took names, and now _Dita’s back!_ What a day!” He beckoned for his helmet, the mechanic dropped it and he caught it on the flight suit. “Thanks.” He turned to the crowd, still grinning. “Can I get a path to my suit locker? I’ve got some stuff to do.”

* * *

Dita and her…screening group made their way to the largest head in the women’s part of the ship, talking and laughing all the while. She ducked into a stall and took care of her most urgent business, then moved to the shower area and started taking her clothes off. Her blouse was ruined, not only with blood stains and dirt, but holes ripped out by the buttons. Her slacks were dirty and torn, and what was left of her bra was still back on Gunzo. She had nothing fit to wear but her boots and panties. She got a lot of curious looks and murmurs, but no actual questions, and she didn’t provide any answers. She would need to talk about what had happened to her, but not here, and not now.

One woman volunteered to run her sole remaining item of clothing down to the ship’s laundry. “When I tell them it’s for you, they should have them done in half an hour.”

Dita smiled. “Thank you, that would be really nice.” She looked around and asked, “Could somebody get my—“ She stopped when she remembered her Dread, and that it had been three years, who knew where her old clothes were, and they probably wouldn’t fit anyway. She started over. “Could somebody please loan me some clothes?” There was a chorus of assent, and several women left as she picked up soap and shampoo and stepped into a shower to finish the job she had started with damp napkins. The hot water felt much better.

* * *

Hibiki knocked on her door. “Barnette?”

She jerked — not awake — but to full awareness. She’d been lying on her bed for some time, neither awake nor asleep but sort of…dormant. Now she was shocked out of her torpor. She felt a sudden tightness in her chest, a sense of panic. _It’s **him!** Why is he here? What does he want?_ She looked around frantically, feeling trapped. _I don’t want to see him! I don’t want him to see **me!** I have to get away! What can I do? Where the hell can I **go?**_

There was no answer, and after a short wait he knocked harder and called louder. “Barnette, it’s me.” He thought he heard something from the other side, but there was still no reply. He knocked again, then hesitantly opened it. “Barnette?” The lights were dim, but enough to see that her room looked empty. That didn’t make sense. She had to be here. Everybody said she was here, and she wasn’t anywhere else. So, if she was here, and he couldn’t see her, there was only one place she could be.

He looked down and said in a low voice, “You know, hiding under your bed is not a sound tactical maneuver. If I did something that lame, you’d kick my ass.”

There was a noise from under the bed, a kind of stifled snort. Her cover was blown, so she answered hoarsely, “You’d deserve it. Moron.”

“Probably.” He chuckled nervously. “Barnette…I need to talk to you. We—”

Barnette’s voice quavered. “What is there to talk about? **She’s** back. You found her. Everything’s back the way it was.”

He shook his head, forgetting that she couldn’t see him. “No, it’s not—”

She choked out, “Go on! Go to **her**. Tell her — tell her everything. Everything, you hear? Now leave me alone!”

He tried again. “Barnette, please—“

She cut him off angrily. “You’re still talking. **Go!** Get out!”

He tried to think of something else, some words that would reach her, but came up empty. She was the one who was good with words.

She watched his feet as he turned and reluctantly headed out the door.

_The shoe’s on the other foot now, isn’t it? I had already effectively left Jura for Hibiki; in the same way, he’s already left me for **her**. All that remain are the ugly confrontations. I can’t face that now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready…_

As he closed the door he heard a sob, much deeper and more desolate than the ones he’d heard on their first evening together. What the hell was he going to do?

He headed back towards the men’s part of the ship and saw a crowd of women spilling out of the head. One of them waved him away. “Beat it, Commander. This is the women’s head and Dita’s still in the shower. She’ll be out when she’s good and ready.”

He raised his hands in mock surrender. “Okay, okay, don’t shoot. Uh, tell Dita I’ll be waiting for her on that platform below the bridge, when she gets out.” Several heads nodded, but they watched him closely until he was past and walking away. _Guarding their territory_, he thought. He had a few more things to take care of, anyway. Speaking of showers, he realized that taking one would be a good idea; the battle had left him smelling quite strongly of flight suit and sweat.

* * *

Dita looked at herself in the mirror. She had scrubbed all the dirt off, then kept going until she _felt_ clean, until she scoured away every lingering trace of the man-thing’s foul presence. Only the bruises remained. She wasn’t ready to talk about her ordeal, and gave a vague explanation that she had escaped from an attacker in her Dread. Not everybody was satisfied, but she made it clear that was all they’d get.

Since their first encounter with Rabat, and over the course of their travels to other worlds, the women of the Nirvana had developed a…lively interest in cosmetics, which was rapidly spreading across all of Mejere. There was a fair stock of makeup supplies in the head and although she couldn’t cover the bruises on her face and neck completely, she at least managed to tone them down. She added a last few touches carefully and smiled at her reflection.

She went through the clothes her friends had brought and picked out a short-sleeved yellow synthetic silk blouse and a mid-thigh-length tan skirt. Her panties were returned from the laundry, she found stockings long enough for her boots, but nobody offered bras and she was reluctant to ask. She thanked them all, dressed, then spent some time assessing herself, this time in a full-length mirror. “Do you think Hibiki will like this?” she asked wistfully.

Several women started talking. "You look great. Of course he'll like it!" "He's a _man_. What would he know?" “He passed by here about twenty minutes ago, and said he’ll be waiting for you on the platform in front of the bridge.” “I think he’d like anything if you’re wearing it.”

Mata giggled. “I was starting to think you two were going to stand there like that all day!”

Dita giggled too, and blushed a little. “I kind of wanted to.” She looked around with a slightly tearful smile. “I’m so glad to be home, and see all of you again!” They closed in, welcoming her, and laid friendly, comforting hands on her arms, back and shoulders.

She kept smiling, and nodded in several directions. “Thank you. Thank you all, for everything, but I have to go now. I’ve got one more thing to do, then I want to go and see Hibiki.”

* * *

Hibiki leaned against the railing, looking out through the huge transparent bubble over the Nirvana’s bridge and park. A few women shared the platform with him. They’d exchanged wan smiles and murmured greetings, then returned to their own thoughts. Besides the stars, he could see a disabled Dread being towed back to the ship, and signs of damage to the Nirvana herself. He’d taken a quick shower, and seen the casualty lists. Searchers were still out, but there were six missing, three confirmed dead and one in critical condition. Finding Dita was great, but losing his shipmates, his friends, hurt frightfully. Two were Dread pilots, one a Vanguard jockey, but they were his shipmates no matter who they were. Friends died in battles. He had learned that lesson a long time ago, but he couldn’t get used to it. He never wanted to.

Yesterday he would have turned to Barnette for comfort, but now she wouldn’t even talk to him. What was wrong with her? Did she think he would just forget about her, now that Dita was back? He was sure he loved her. He’d have to explain things to Dita, then somehow get Barnette to listen. He didn’t look forward to any of it. There was something else, too, something he hadn’t noticed until he’d been standing here long enough for his thoughts to settle down.

The _feeling_ was gone.

He’d turned to it out of long habit, as he always did when he felt troubled, and it just wasn’t there. He’d been scared, and confused, until he figured that the Pyxis must have decided he didn’t need it any more, and turned it off. That made sense, he supposed, but it was one more disruption in a day full of them, and he felt off-balance, his life spinning out of control. He looked out at the stars, and the rescue operations, and tried to get his center back where it belonged.

* * *

There were more familiar faces in the comm center, and they were excited to see the news confirmed, that Dita was really back. They exchanged greetings and hugs, then she turned to the duty comm officer. “Permission to send a message to somebody on the planet?”

The comm officer was glad to see her too, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t do her job. “That would depend on the message, and the recipient.” She smiled, but her tone was unyielding.

Dita smiled back. “My former boss, and I don’t plan to say anything the enemy doesn’t already know.”

She thought it over, then nodded. “Go ahead, but I’ll have to check it before sending it.”

“Thank you.” Dita quickly entered the familiar local Net address, spent a few seconds thinking, then looked into the camera and touched RECORD.

“Hi, Mister Grawne, it’s Heather. Well, sort of. First, I’m fine. I know what it looks like, but I got away. I found my old life, or, it found me. I remember everything. My real name is Dita. I’m from a planet a long way from here called Mejere. I’m sorry, I won’t be coming back to work. You’ll probably miss me, but don’t worry about me. I’m with my friends, and the man I love. They need me, and — and I need them. There are things I have to do. Tell everybody I — I’m going home. Good-bye.”

She touched the control again, then turned to the comm officer. “Please send that.”

Everybody had held it in until she finished recording, then burst out laughing. “Heather?” “Where did you get _that_ from?” “What were you _thinking?”_

She said defensively, “The government assigned it to me. They didn’t know who I was, and neither did I. I didn’t remember anything.”

That started a new round of confusion. “How did you _get_ there?” “How could you forget your _name?”_ “What, you forgot _everything?”_ “What _happened_ to you?”

She looked around at them with a slightly lost expression. “I don’t really know. Something erased my memories and dumped me on that planet three years ago, and I’ve been trying to figure out who I was ever since. Today when I found Hibiki, it just came back to me all at once.”

That brought _Ooooh’s_ and _Aaaaah’s_ and giggles, and she turned to the comm officer. “Is my message approved, ma’am?”

She nodded judiciously. “Yes. I don’t see anything compromising. I’ll get it in the outgoing queue and it should be on its way within ten minutes.”

Dita smiled. “Thank you.” She looked around. “It’s great to see you all, but I’m going to go find Hibiki now.”

That brought more amused reactions. One of the comm techs asked, “Do you know where he is?”

She looked at the woman with another smile. “He said he’d be on that platform over the park.”

* * *

“Hello, Hibiki. I’m here.”

That voice went straight to the center of his chest. He turned, and what he saw went right there with it. The Nirvana had been oriented to place Maddalen high over their heads, its blazing white light shone down on Dita, and she practically glowed with a smile of pure joy as she walked towards him. He had never seen a more captivating vision. She had swapped her bedraggled office clothes for a shimmery yellow blouse and a pale brown skirt that contrasted breathtakingly with her bright red hair and blue eyes. Her boots were brown, instead of white and pink, with knee-high stockings almost the same color as her skin. She had applied lipstick, the red a few shades darker than her hair.

_She's…changed_. Up until that moment he had only seen the Dita of his memories, but now he took a fresh look and saw the differences. She was taller now, a little more…filled out, and her walk, her whole bearing was poised and confident. Words like ‘graceful’ and ‘elegant’ were all but unknown on Taraak, but he got the feelings. Her face had changed in subtle ways, impossible to define; she was still purely and entirely Dita, but the overall effect was completely different, and even more beautiful than before. Her manner was changed, too. She was no longer filled with the scatterbrained, giddy excitement that had so gotten on his nerves in years past; now her demeanor was calmer, more thoughtful and focused. Her smile was less carefree, more aware. More mature.

_She's grown up,_ he realized. He’d been searching for Dita the girl, the one they had lost three years ago, but he suddenly understood that she was gone forever; now, Dita the woman returned to him, in all her stunning glory, and he was not prepared for her. He stood frozen to the spot as she took the last steps, put her arms around him and pulled herself close with a shiver and a long sigh. His arms were around her, too, and he didn’t know how that had happened. They held each other tight in silence, as they had in front of his Vanguard, neither of them knowing what to say.

Hibiki’s thoughts and feelings were in turmoil, his center out of his reach once more. He’d thought he had it all worked out. He would welcome Dita home to the Nirvana, tell her how glad they all were to have her back, then explain that they were no longer the boy and girl they’d been, how the long empty years had pushed them apart, why they couldn’t just pick up where they’d left off. After she accepted that, he could break the news that he’d fallen in love with another woman, and tell her about Barnette.

That wasn’t going to fly.

Years ago, he’d refused to acknowledge his love for Dita the girl, even to himself, until it was too late. Today, he was unable to deny his much stronger love for Dita the woman. Ironically, it was his love for Barnette that led him to so quickly recognize it. By the look he’d seen on Dita’s face, something similar was happening to her. Somehow, even after all this time, she still loved him. What the hell was he going to do? Barnette was hiding under her bed, crying. Dita was clearly as overjoyed to be in his arms as he was to have her here. How could he reject her? He couldn’t bear the thought of hurting her, or losing her again. With black humor, he couldn’t help thinking that she didn’t even have a bed to cry under.

He never should have gotten involved with Barnette. That was his mistake. Wasn’t it? But it had seemed so good, so natural, so _right_ to be with her, to love her. How could he have expected Dita to drop back into his life today? How could the universe fuck with him like this? What had he done to deserve all these problems? It was so unfair!

_Waaaah!_ He cursed himself for whining. That was the reaction of a child. Dita — and Barnette — needed him to be better than that. This situation was unfair to both of them. Neither woman deserved to be hurt for loving him. Trouble was, Hibiki the man had no more idea how to solve these problems than the whiny child did.

“Hmmmmm.” Dita made a soft, contented sound and moved slightly in his arms. Instantly, she had his full attention. He remembered holding Barnette like this, mere hours ago. Dita felt different, but just as good. How could he decide? How could he abandon one of these extraordinary women over something that wasn’t her fault?

Maybe there was an answer. Maybe if he and Dita spent some time talking, they would find that they _had_ changed, that they didn’t belong together. After all, how could she _not_ have changed after three years away from the Nirvana on some strange planet? The _feeling_ told him she had, while it was still with him. It was worth a try, anyway.

He loosened his hold on her and slid his hands down to her lower back. Her hair tickled them. She held tight a little longer, then took a deep breath, leaned back and slowly opened her eyes with a smile. They were still the same bright azure blue, but he thought he saw something else in their depths, some shadow, like an echo of loneliness and loss. He said, haltingly, “Dita, we, uh…we should…talk…”

She nodded. “You’re right, we have a _lot_ to talk about. Let’s go to my room. You promised you would, and you’re a little overdue for keeping it.” She chuckled. “Of course, it’s not all your fault.”

“Your, ah…you don’t have a room any more. You were gone so long, and they needed the space…”

“Oh.” She seemed to refocus. “Oh, of course. I shouldn’t be surprised. Three years…why was I surprised? But it doesn’t seem…” She shifted subjects again. “Oh, no. My…where are all my—“

“All your stuff’s in my room. I’ve been…kind of keeping it for you.”

“Oh.” She looked at him blankly for a second, then smiled. “Oh, Hibiki. Thank you. That’s sweet, and so thoughtful.” She added, “But, three years? Why didn’t you have Miss Gasco put it in storage, after a year or two?”

He shook his head. “I couldn’t. It would have felt like…like giving up on you. I couldn’t do that.” He gazed into her eyes with utmost sincerity. “I never gave up on you, Dita. I never stopped searching for you.”

She hugged him tight again. “Oh, Hibiki. You’ve been through so much, and I…I didn’t even know.” She let go, took a step back and held out her hand. “Let’s go to your room, then. We can sit, and talk, and start to make up for all the time we’ve lost.”

He took her hand, but his smile was a little forced. “Yeah, Dita. We’ll talk, a lot.” They turned and left the platform together, followed by a lot of curious looks.

Dita felt almost in a dream as she walked through the Nirvana’s familiar corridors. _I’m home! I’m home!_ After three years lost on a strange planet, her elation was nearly overwhelming. Of course, only part of that could be attributed to _where_ she found herself. She looked aside at her companion again.

_He’s…changed_. Her memories of him were as fresh as yesterday, but this wasn’t the old Hibiki. This one was taller, stronger and much more self-assured. He’d accepted himself and put his insecurities behind him, no longer just covering them up with bluster. He’d held her in his arms and said her name several times, natural as could be. He walked calmly beside her now, holding her hand and smiling a little. His face looked different, the features more defined, his expression more determined.

_He’s grown up_. He was still the same person, but he had become the man she’d always hoped he could be. The man she loved more than ever, the man she knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. The thought filled her with warm pleasure. She was glad she had paid no attention to those men on Gunzo, with their shallow interests and empty words. None of them could compare to her Hibiki.

Their course took them past the ship’s mess, where their immediate plans came unraveled. Over a dozen women poured out and surrounded them, all talking to her at once. A couple of them actually jumped up and down with excitement. They were herded irresistibly inside and all but fell into seats at the nearest table. She set her hands on its top and to her delight, Hibiki put his hand over hers. She closed her fingers around his and smiled.

He smiled back. “Guess we should talk to our friends for a while.” He sounded resigned but not really upset.

* * *

There was a knock on the door. “Permission to enter.”

“Come in, BC.” Captain Magno was sitting in the second seat of her conference table. Not at the head; she preferred to be informal with her Executive Officer when they were alone. She motioned to the seat across from her, and Commander Calessa took it. They both looked tired, and stressed. The battle had been hard on everybody. She looked at the datapad in BC’s hand, then back up. “How bad is it, Buzam?”

Buzam A. Calessa, formerly Tenmei Uragasumi of Taraak, pressed her/his lips together. “It could be worse, Captain. If Lieutenant Liebely hadn’t shown up when she did… VanDread Dita probably saved us from complete destruction. We’d have lost everything, and all our people. Compared to that, our losses are fairly light. We’ve accounted for everyone, and recovered all the Dreads and Vanguards that are worth salvaging.” BC gave Magno a reassuring look. "We made sure all the ones we left behind were completely destroyed."

Captain Magno nodded approval. BC took a deep breath and consulted the datapad. The statistics were burned into her/his brain, but the gesture was steadying. “We’ve lost four people, and recovered three of their bodies. Nineteen more are severely wounded, two of them critical, there are dozens of moderate and minor injuries and everybody else is pretty worn out.”

Magno frowned. “What about that fourth casualty? Why can’t you recover the body?” They always did their best not to leave anyone for either raiders or Harvesters, alive or dead.

BC shook her/his head sadly. “I’m afraid she’s gone, Magno. Her Dread took a direct hit from a capital missile intended for the Nirvana. She’s…she’s one with the universe now.”

Captain Magno 2 Vivan closed her eyes and grimaced. It was several seconds before she opened them again and said gently, “Continue, Buzam.”

“There’s damage to the Nirvana. The Pyxis is fixing some of it, but the parts that are entirely human tech are up to us. We’ve lost nine Dreads and two Vanguards. Eighteen Dreads and five Vanguards are heavily damaged, and we only have onboard resources to fix a few of them. Our ammunition stores are seriously depleted; the Nirvana is completely out of missiles, we’ve got less than one full load-out for the remaining Dreads and not much more for the Vanguards. We’re not in good shape for any more battles.”

“Right now our situation is stable. There are no enemy forces near us and we don’t detect anything moving in this direction. I don’t think that can last long, though. Enemy reinforcements could arrive at any time. We’ve detected multiple encrypted hypercom transmissions powerful enough to reach at least a light-year and we have no idea who sent most of them. They could bring anything from more of these raiders to a Harvest Flagship. Or nothing. We just don’t know.”

They exchanged worried looks at that piece of news. BC continued, “A _lot_ of ships have been leaving the system from where the enemy’s been doing…whatever, in the asteroid belt, starting about ten minutes after VanDread Dita took out that dreadnought. Almost all of them appear to be unarmed transports and freighters. I think we’re looking at a massive bug-out, and we’re still too far away to do anything about it. I’d be leery of trying, anyway; they’ve probably sown the area with about a billion space-mines.”

Magno chuckled without humor. “That’s what I’d do.”

BC nodded agreement. “In any case, it’s probably a moot point. They’re nuking everything behind them as they go, so even if we did get there we wouldn’t find anything worth the trouble. As far as intelligence gathering is concerned, it looks like this mission was a bust, outside of the few things we’ve already found out.”

She/he gave Magno a bleak look. “That Red Pyxis dreadnought was a serious threat. It prevented us from using the hyperdrive, did something to our Pyxis that drained its power and kept it from making a wormhole jump, and the range on its weapons was…a matter for grave concern. VanDread Dita destroyed that ship, but they could build another one, or have other means of generating similar effects. Something else we’ll have to be watching for from now on.”

Magno frowned. They’d discuss the implications of these new developments later. Commander Calessa consulted the datapad again, then delivered her/his conclusion. “This last little trip has put us almost seven hundred light-years from Mejere. The voyage would ordinarily take eight hundred and sixty hours, but with the Nirvana’s damage our best estimate is over a thousand and eighty hours. Taking everything into consideration, I’m not sure we have that much time. Furthermore, some of the repairs would be very difficult to make while under hyperdrive.” Her/his lips twisted bitterly. "What we really need is a shipyard. Too bad the bastards blew theirs up.”

The Captain forced a weak smile. “Thank you for your status report, BC. Complete and to the point, as always. It’s not your fault that I didn’t like most of it.”

BC grimaced back at her. “I didn’t much like delivering it, either.” They both had a sour chuckle over that.

Captain Magno’s humor dried up after a short time, leaving her deeply troubled, and uncertain. “About…Lieutenant Liebely. Are we _sure_ she’s the real one? Gone for three years and she ‘just happens’ to turn up right here, right now, and pull our bacon out of the fire? Isn’t that too convenient a coincidence?”

“You’re right about coincidence and improbability but…that _has_ to be our Dita Liebely.” BC had no doubts at all. “And her Dread. We saw VanDread Dita in action today. From everything we know about the VanDreads, and the Pyxis, it couldn’t possibly have been anything else, and it wouldn’t have worked for anyone else. You saw our experiments.”

“Yes, I remember.” After losing Dita, they had sought a way to get some redundancy in the VanDreads and their pilots, only to meet with complete failure every time. Hibiki and his Vanguard could combine with Jura and her Dread, or Meia and hers, but _any_ deviation disrupted the process and left only a Vanguard colliding with a Dread, and a lot of dents to hammer out. “I can’t argue with the logic, but it just doesn’t…sit right.”

The Exec made an attempt at a whimsical grin. “Hibiki doesn’t have any doubts. He’d know if something was off, and he’s stuck to her like space tape.”

Magno nodded in resigned agreement, dismissed the subject, then drew herself up and visibly put on her Official Captain persona. “The Nirvana is damaged, our strike forces are reduced by thirty-five percent and have few missiles left. We could be attacked again with little warning and it’s a long, long way home. Additionally, we have several critical pieces of information that we should report immediately. Under the circumstances, I authorize a wormhole jump back to our home system.”

BC nodded and stood up. “I will inform Lieutenant Commander Gisborn at once, Captain.”

* * *

Dita, Hibiki and everybody else looked up as BC’s voice echoed through the Nirvana. “May I have your attention. Stand by for wormhole jump. We will be returning to Mejere in a few minutes.”

Dita turned to him, confused. “Wormhole jump? Like the one that popped us into the Orion Arm and got the Harvest Fleet after us? We’re doing _that_ again?”

Rika chuckled. “Captain Magno — the new one — said if the Pyxis could do it once, why couldn’t it do it again. BC, Parfet and Meia figured out how to program a destination into that little robot, and then Jura or Meia gives the order.” She looked thoughtful. “It seems to work better for Meia, though.”

Hibiki nodded regretfully. “It sure didn’t work for me. They had me try twice. Parfet said I was making the Pyxis sad.” He smiled at Dita. “Maybe it would work better now.”

Dita squeezed his hand and gave him a reassuring smile, then asked, “What should we do to get ready? What will happen to us?”

He shrugged. “Not much. For everybody else, they barely notice it. Some people feel a bit dizzy afterward, so most of them find a place to sit down. For us…you remember the blue light?” He looked at her questioningly, and she nodded. “Like that first time. Surrounded by blue light, sometimes seeing weird things, or people saying crazy stuff. Then it’s over, and the Nirvana is somewhere else.”

She looked down, then back up at him. “Will you hold my hand, Hibiki? Until it’s over?”

This time it was his turn to smile reassuringly. “Of course, Dita. I’ll be right here.”

* * *

“I’m on board, nobody saw me. None of these dumbshits were even lookin’! Hadta leave my ship behind, though.”

_We will recover it later. Can you complete the subject’s conditioning undetected?_

“No way. I got no facilities here, and the bitch is surrounded by dames that will notice the changes before I can cover ‘em up.”

_What is your excuse for not completing it in the three years preceding your latest failure?_

“What is— Look here, you, I had to keep the lid on her memory, block the chump and the other two broads from _sensing_ where she was, fend off that tribe of meddlin’ telepaths, scrub every ship leavin’ the system of anything that could lead ‘em to her, or us, and oh, yeah, implant an unbreakable compulsion to obey orders that will violate her deepest emotional attachments without her noticing that I’m doing it, or leaving any trace that might make her, or anybody else, the least bit suspicious. I couldn't even get _started_ until they quit sending her to all the damn shrinks. And then out of nowhere this ship shows up here today! So excuse the _fuck_ outta me if I didn’t get your fuckin’ job done!

_For those reasons alone you were given another chance, and your insolence serves no purpose._

“Hell it don’t. It makes me feel better. Whattaya gonna do, whack me for insultin’ yuz?”

_That would serve no purpose either. You may be as much of an asshole as you wish so long as you obey orders. You know what can be done to you if you don’t._

“Oh, yeah, that’s me all over. O-bedient.”

_Then obey this. The subject must be eliminated, along with all evidence of our activities._

“Fine, I’ll do ‘er tonight. Have a bit a’ fun first, o’ course.”

_Striking directly at the subject may not be prudent. The result of your first attempt was not anticipated._

“Surprised the shit outta _me_, anyway! Who’d a’ thunk that damn thing ‘ud go after me all on its own?”

_We learned more from that one incident than from three years of study, and your failure may have yielded an unexpected opportunity. You are always so eager to inflict pain, but has it never occurred to you that not all pain is physical? Or that emotional pain can be so much more unbearable?_

“Go on, I’m listenin’.”

_The subject has strong emotional attachment to a man. Another has equally strong attachment to the same man, and has now been displaced. If you can use that rancor to bring the two into violent conflict, induce the jilted paramour to eliminate the subject without risk to us, that should cause pain enough to satisfy even you._

“You mean the wench with green hair? That babe’s _mean_, and pissed. Almost gives me the warm fuzzies. You really think we can use her?”

_Yes. She allows her emotions to override her reason. That is a weakness you can exploit. She has considerable potential if given the proper…encouragement. Stimulate her jealousy, feed her resentment, stoke her temper, direct her rage. Provide her with assistance, if necessary. Then watch and learn. If you pay attention, you may become more useful, and less of a blunt instrument._

“Maybe I _like_ bein’ a blunt instrument.”

_There are times for the club, and times for the scalpel. For those who can be both, the rewards can be quite substantial. As can the punishment, for those who refuse to consider their options._

“Rewards, huh? I’ll take it under advisement, Yer Grace.”

_Mocking me serves no purpose. You have your assignment. Your performance will be evaluated, and it will determine your future. If you have one._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking Taraak and Mejere are most likely in the Perseus Arm of the galaxy, about 6,000 light-years out and a little counterclockwise from Sol, along the Orion Spur. Plenty of nebulae in that region, and their home system is partially hidden behind a nebula. Dita's wormhole jump must have sent them into the Orion Arm, more-or-less towards Earth, so they encountered the Harvest Fleet and some of the planets they had been exploiting. They were already moving towards Mejere and Taraak, but meeting the Nirvana got them going a little faster and led them to bring a bigger fleet.


	15. Wormhole Jump

Dread Flight Commander Meia Gisborn stood on a walkway that spanned the core of the old Ikazuchi, colony transport and sometime Taraak battleship, surrounded by cool blue light, facing an egg-shaped machine hovering almost chest-high. Beside the walkway to her left was the light’s source, a complex mass of crystals that half-filled the space and branched out into the ship’s structure.

“Pyoro. Prepare to set standard galactic coordinates for a wormhole jump.”

The little NAVI-robot seemed subdued. “Aye, aye, Commander.”

Meia nodded. “Specify our destination as the Mejere and Taraak system, well clear of the minefield’s engagement zone. Don’t want to make it cranky.” She sighed. “We’re going home.”

Pyoro’s reply sounded a little cheerier. “Coordinates recalled and verified, Miss Meia. Ready.”

She turned and peered into the Nirvana’s blue-glowing crystal heart. “Pyxis, we want to make a wormhole jump. Pyoro has the coordinates. Will you please take us home?”

The construct before her glowed brighter, until it became almost blinding. She felt a familiar sensation of falling into a sea of blue light, with Pyoro beside her until he was swept away. Elsewhere in the ship, three other people would be feeling the same thing. They might even meet each other there in the light, if its unfathomable currents brought them together. She could feel a vast presence all around her, bemused and eternally curious, as the Pyxis tried to make sense of these bizarre creatures living within its ship-body. She had perplexing visions as the voices and images of family, friends and strangers said things that sometimes made sense to her.

Nobody else on board felt this. For most the jump felt like an instant’s dislocation, for some it left a mild queasiness, but they never saw the ocean of light, felt the Pyxis scrutinizing them, or perceived its attempts at communication. There had been something special about that first jump, something that had never been repeated, something that _changed_ them and their Dreads, Hibiki and his Vanguard, and the little NAVI-robot she’d brought to the ship’s core with her.

They hadn’t known it at the time, but they could have done this over four years ago. Within a few days after their initial wormhole jump, the Pyxis had recovered, and gained sufficient control over its new ship/body to make another one. They could have jumped right back home, or anywhere else within several thousand light-years.

Of course if they had, they wouldn’t have discovered the purpose of the Harvest fleet, or the threat to Mejere, Taraak and the rest of the galaxy. They wouldn’t have learned that men and women belonged together, were stronger together than they could ever be separately. They wouldn’t have unlocked the secrets of the VanDreads, and of the Nirvana herself. They wouldn’t have gathered the friends and allies they had found. They would have faced the Harvesters alone, and fallen; she and almost everyone she knew would have been cut up for spare parts; Earth would still be consuming her children, unopposed.

Sorting through the wreckage after that battle, they had learned a ghastly thing, a horrifying thing about the Harvest. The Earthers never left their poisoned planet; Harvester ships were completely automated, controlled only by computers and Red Pyxis crystals. With cold, infallible machine logic they had determined that for best quality the ‘donors’ should be kept alive while their organs were harvested, and that providing anesthetics for ‘patients’ who wouldn’t survive their ‘operations’ was a waste of resources. Robots are not disturbed by screams, after all.

* * *

Jura fell into a glowing blue abyss. She wondered what crazy shit she would encounter this time, and how long it would take. It couldn’t be considered a waste of _time_, she supposed, because time had no meaning here, but it was still a pain. She couldn’t tell if she was hovering in place, drifting aimlessly, or shooting along at the speed of light — or if it made any difference. She looked around at a lot of blue nothing and called out, “Yo, Pyxis, are we there yet?” She could _feel_ its presence all around her, but she didn’t expect an answer so she wasn’t disappointed.

Without any transition that she was aware of she was floating in space, looking at a huge black ship shooting at VanDread Meia as they zigged, zagged and tried to escape. She started moving towards the thing. She’d seen images of it relayed through the tactical network, but they hadn’t conveyed this sense of how big, and menacing, and downright _freaky_ it had been. She watched as the Silver Eagle was hit and forced to separate, saw Meia’s Dread retreat and Hibiki’s Vanguard whirl away out of control. She gasped in horror as the Vanguard was hit and consumed by a huge explosion, then half-cried, half-laughed when VanDread Dita arose from it like the Phoenix and destroyed the enemy ship.

She hadn’t been aware of how close they had all come to disaster. She’d known Dita’s absence weakened them, but not by how much. They’d have to do a better job of looking out for each other, and Hibiki in particular. That must be why the Pyxis had shown her this. She resolved to do her best from now on.

She watched VanDread Dita move off to deal with the rest of the enemy fleet, just as she remembered, then saw a purple Dread trailing behind them. She hadn’t known what happened to Barnette during their remote engagement, or that she’d been so close to that ship. She seemed to be heading for the Nirvana at no better than half power. Had she been hit? She wasn’t on the casualty lists, but she hadn’t seen her green-haired partner since the battle, either. She’d have to look into the matter.

* * *

Hibiki fell into the sea of blue light alone and floated through it, wondering where Dita could be. All at once she appeared before him, tilted to his left. She was wearing her old clothes, white and pink and black, and her gold headband. He called, “Dita!” and reached towards her.

She stared at him blankly. “This is woman.” Her voice sounded flat and mechanical.

_That’s not Dita. It’s the Pyxis using her image to communicate with me. Oh, I hope that in whatever passes for ‘reality’ she’s still sitting beside me, holding my hand!_ “Yeah. She is a woman named Dita.”

Barnette winked into existence beside her, tilted at a different angle, wearing a blouse and shorts as she did these days. “This is a woman.” She had the same blank look and flat voice.

“Yes, she’s another woman. Her name is Barnette.”

Suddenly he was looking at himself, floating between them. “This is a man.” He wore his current clothes too, dark pants and a dull blue shirt.

He needed some time to get over his surprise. “Yeah, that’s…that looks like me. My name is Hibiki.”

His image said, “Know. You are man Hibiki.” He could _feel_ that the first word was ‘know’, not ‘no’.

Barnette said, “You are same.”

Pyxis-Hibiki said, “You are different.”

Dita said, “Woman and man are apart.”

He figured out what they meant. “We’re all human. Men are the males, and women are the females. The Firsts — our leaders — put men and women on different planets a hundred and some years ago, and kept us apart. We’re just starting to get back together now.”

Dita asked, “What is this?” The Pyxis-Hibiki turned, and Barnette rushed to him, threw her arms around him and kissed him. They kissed for a long time, writhing against each other. He grew more and more embarrassed. He felt other things, too, as the memories of her mouth and her body came back to him. _Did we really do **that**, right out in the open? If anybody saw us, they’d **know** what else we’ve been doing! And the Pyxis was watching? That’s…creepy._

Pyxis-Dita startled him, repeating, “What is this?” in exactly the same tone as before, or lack of one.

Embarrassing or not, the Pyxis wanted an answer. What might it do if it didn’t get one? Ask Meia, or Dita…or Jura? Oh shit! He said hastily, “That’s a kiss. Barnette kissed me. Well, we kissed each other.”

The two images blinked apart, facing him side by side again. Barnette stated, “Woman and man kiss.”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

His copy asked, “Do man and man kiss?”

Dita asked, “Do woman and woman kiss?”

He was surprised. “Um, I don’t know. I guess…they could? If they wanted to.” Barnette had taught him everything he knew about kissing. She must have learned somewhere, probably from Jura. Certainly not from him! She’d taught him a lot of other things, too. He snorted. Some of them she _couldn’t_ have learned from Jura!

Barnette asked, “Do you kiss man?”

That shocked him, a little. “What? No!”

Pyxis-Hibiki asked, “Why not?”

He felt flustered. “Because I don’t want to!”

Dita asked, “Why?”

He shook his head. “It’s just not something I want to do.”

Barnette said, “Why do you kiss Barnette?”

“Huh?” _Because it feels so incredible. Because kissing her brings us closer together. Because it makes both of us so happy. Because…I love her._ “Because it feels good, and we both want to.”

Dita asked, “Why don’t you kiss Dita?”

That would not be easy to explain. “She was gone for three years, hundreds of light-years away. I didn’t know where she was. We just found her today.” He looked at all three of them accusingly. “Why didn’t you tell me she was there? We could have gotten her back three years ago!”

That stumped them for what felt like a good ten seconds before his reflection said, “Did not know. She was hidden.”

“Then how could you make me _feel_ her? And why just me, why not Meia or Jura?” he demanded.

Dita said, “Hibiki is connected to Dita. Always connected. Make the connection strong enough to feel, but only possible for Hibiki.”

He was getting a little frustrated. “How could you do that and not know where she was?”

His doppelganger said, “You would not understand.”

“The hell I wouldn’t! Tell me!” he snapped.

Barnette answered this time. “You are three-dimensional. Bound to sequential time. There is much beyond those limits, beyond your comprehension. Your question can not be answered in terms you can understand. Repeating it with strong emotion does not change that.”

He ground his teeth and growled, “I’ll show you some strong emotion, you…” but he didn’t think punching himself would do any good. Punching Dita or Barnette was out of the question, even if they were just Pyxis copies. Maybe the damned crystal ball was right, and it was something a human just couldn’t understand. There were enough other things about it that baffled him.

“Why don’t you kiss Dita? She is here.” The Dita-copy interrupted his ruminations by repeating her question.

He tried to explain again. “She’s been gone for three years, and she just got back. We’ve only spent a little time together. We’re not…close enough. I don’t even know if she’d want to.”

His image said, “Why don’t you ask her?”

“I can’t just ask her that!” he exclaimed.

Dita asked, “Why not?”

“I — I just can’t!” he spluttered. Then he got an inspiration. “You wouldn’t understand!”

Barnette looked…impatient. “That is not possible. Processing capacity of Pyxis is eighty trillion times greater than a human brain. If a human can understand, Pyxis can understand.”

He said, a little desperately, “It’s not something you can process, it’s something you have to feel.”

Dita said, “You mean emotion. Pyxis understands emotion. What emotion do you feel?”

That unsettled him even more. “What? What kind of a question is that?”

Barnette replied, “A simple question. What emotion do you feel, that prevents you from asking Dita about a kiss?”

He shook his head and repeated, “You just wouldn’t understand.”

Pyxis-Hibiki declared, “That is not the answer. You do not understand what you feel.”

“You don’t know what you’re—“ he started hotly, then stopped. _Did_ he understand what he was thinking, what he was feeling? He’d been instantly certain that he couldn’t ask Dita whether she wanted to kiss him, but now he couldn’t explain _why_, to the Pyxis or even to himself. What would happen if he did? Based on her actions so far, she would probably say yes. Three years ago, before she was captured, she had sort-of kissed him a few times. Neither of them had known what they were doing, or what to expect. Today, she might even kiss _him_ before he finished asking the question!

That would be great, right? Except…what about Barnette? He looked at them both and tried to sort out his feelings, but those were getting even more mixed up. “Maybe you’re right,” he said reluctantly. “It’s…complicated.”

Dita asked, “Is kissing a good thing?”

“Yes!” he replied instantly, then added more slowly, “If it’s with the right person.”

Barnette said, “Is Barnette the right person?”

Dita followed with, “Is Dita the right person?”

He said, dubiously, “I don’t know.”

Barnette asked, “Do you want to kiss Barnette again?”

Dita inquired, “Do you want to kiss Dita?”

“I…what I want…it’s not that simple.” How would it be to never kiss Barnette again? Or…everything else they’d been doing? How would it be to never know what it was like to kiss Dita? Or do other things with her?

Pyxis-Hibiki asked, “Why is it not simple?”

He thought it through. “Kissing Barnette would hurt Dita’s feelings. Barnette’s already feeling hurt, and kissing Dita would make it worse. I don’t want to hurt either one of them.”

Barnette mused, “You would cause them to feel jealous. Barnette has demonstrated this response. You think Dita would feel jealous as well.”

Dita said, “Will you not kiss either woman?”

He groaned. “That won’t work either. Barnette would know why, Dita would figure it out, and they’d both be hurt.”

Barnette said, “Does Barnette want to kiss you again?”

Dita queried, “Does Dita want to kiss you?”

He groaned again. “Barnette, definitely. Dita…yeah, she would. No doubt about it.” He had another inspiration. “Hey, you say you’re eighty trillion times smarter than me, _you_ solve the problem!”

His image said, “Kiss one woman. Which one do you want to kiss most?”

Shocked, he blurted out, “No! I already told you why I can’t do that!”

Pyxis-Hibiki insisted, “If you kiss one woman, the other would be hurt. If you do not kiss either woman, both would be hurt. Is that not worse?”

He shook his head. “That’s not the point! I can’t just decide who to hurt,” he protested. “That wouldn’t be right.”

They all looked at him, and the image of Barnette concluded, “Humans are not complex, but they are difficult. There is no way to know what you will do but to observe.” All three of them winked out.

What the hell was he going to do? He still loved Dita, more than ever. He loved Barnette, too. How could he choose? Which of his loves would he deny, whose heart would he break? Either way, his would be one of them.

* * *

Dita fell into the light and Hibiki was swept away from her. She clung to his hand but it slipped _through_ hers like a wraith, leaving her alone. She could only hope that when this ended he would still be with her, holding her hand. She was swept and tumbled through surging blue currents, then it stopped.

She found herself wearing her flight suit, strapped into her Dread, pursuing an enemy raider. She had target lock intermittently, but the range was too long, she was out of missiles and her lasers weren’t getting through its shields. She would have to close in and use her plasma cannons. The enemy fled from her, dodging and weaving towards the outer system as she slowly closed the distance. It must be out of missiles, too.

No other Dreads were near her; they were all chasing or being chased by other enemy ships. She knew it was risky to be out on her own like this, and by the confused chatter on her comms she wasn’t the only one. Meia would give them all a good chewing-out after this was over! Well, she’d nail this asshole in another minute or two, then go find somebody to link up with.

She felt almost a part of her Dread as she ran down the enemy, its scanners, engines and weapons like extensions of her own consciousness. She _felt_ the exact second when she was close enough, held down the firing control and watched her first pair of plasma bolts overload the enemy’s shields, the second pair punch through and burn into the raider’s port side. She let them cycle a third time and got a major secondary explosion that sent her prey spinning off out of control. Her scanners reported a huge drop in energy emission, meaning that its reactor must have scrammed. Dead or not, it was out of this battle.

She keyed her comm. “Blue One scores! Scratch one more raider!” She flipped her Dread around and began to reduce her velocity, but she’d gotten an _awfully_ long way from even the nearest other Dread and she was feeling very exposed. She would continue to move away from them for over two more minutes before she would even start closing.

After a short delay, Meia’s stern voice sounded in her ears. “Blue One, what are you doing? You’re too far out. Return at once!”

She replied, “Working on it, Flight Commander. Estimate a hundred and forty seconds to kill outbound velocity, eight minutes to rejoin the flight.” In a more subdued voice she added, “Sorry, Meia.”

Her response was a little more patient. “Don’t be sorry, be careful. Don’t get fixated on an enemy. Now hurry back.”

She was still subdued. “Yes, ma’am.” The background chatter continued, getting a little less confused as her friends sorted themselves out and started to coordinate their attacks. It didn’t sound like their enemies were doing likewise; at least nobody was talking about facing more than one at a time. Well, if the enemy wanted to be stupid they wouldn’t complain.

She was less than a minute from reaching zero relative velocity when her comms suddenly went silent. She waited a few seconds, then transmitted, “Flight Commander, this is Blue One. What’s happening?” There was no answer. “Flight Commander, Blue One. Do you hear me?” Still nothing, and she couldn’t see their positions either. As far as she could tell, they had all vanished. Her voice was smaller and wavered just a bit as she tried again. “Meia? Meia, are you there? It’s Dita. Please answer me. Meia?”

She changed channels. “Nirvana Control, this is Blue One. Comm check.” She waited, and tried again, nervously. “Nirvana Control, Blue One. Please respond.” No use; even if they replied she wouldn’t hear it for almost four minutes, and the Nirvana seemed to have disappeared, too. Her scanners showed nothing, either friendly or enemy. She brought up all channels. “This is Blue One, can anybody hear me? Anybody? Somebody, please answer!” This was impossible. There was no way something could have taken out all the Dreads, all the Vanguards, and the Nirvana without her noticing _something_, without _somebody_ getting at least a partial message out. They _couldn’t_ all be gone. The problem had to be at her end. Something had cut off all her communications and blinded her scanners.

A trap. That ship had led her into a trap, she’d blundered right into it, and now it was snapping shut. Panic started to grow in her belly as she tried to think of a way out and came up with nothing. She was already boosting back towards Meia at full power, she was blind and deaf and she was out of missiles. All her remaining weapons were ready, but there was nothing to shoot at. She could only watch as her velocity away from the place where she had last seen Meia diminished, and hope it was dropping fast enough.

_Something is out there_. A cold shiver ran up her spine. Her scanners were still blank, her EW gear picked up nothing, but she _knew_ it was there, lurking behind her, watching as her remaining momentum carried her ever closer. There wasn’t a single thing she could do about it that she wasn’t already doing. Well, maybe one thing. She selected a certain channel, set her transmitter to maximum power and called, hesitantly, “Mister Alien? It’s me, Dita. Can you hear me…Hibiki? Please, tell me you hear me.” She waited for an answer, and waited. “Please help me, Hibiki.”

She had almost canceled her velocity and was just starting to hope she might get out of this when she felt a powerful tractor beam grab her Dread. Her speed immediately started to increase again as it dragged her towards…_something_. She reduced engine power almost to nothing and spun her Dread to face the tractor beam’s source, her scanners still picking up nothing aside from the beam. She hesitated, then triggered an active scan but still couldn’t detect whatever had ahold of her. It was close enough to snag her with a tractor beam so if she couldn’t pick it up, it had to be stealthy as hell.

It had to be dead black, too. They were about forty light-minutes from the star but nothing showed on visual, even at full magnification. She plotted where it _had_ to be, based on the tractor beam, targeted manually and unleashed lasers and plasma bolts at it, without result. She felt a surge of fear, but it wasn’t all hers. Some of it seemed to be coming from her Dread.

“You scared?” she whispered. “Me too. I don’t know how to get us out of this.”

She refined her targeting, guessed a range of 15,000 kilometers, and set her plasma cannons to fire 80 milliseconds before the lasers. Maybe that would weaken the enemy’s shields enough for the lasers to burn through. She gritted her teeth and hit the firing controls. They fired once, cycled, fired again, and then a horribly familiar beam of red light struck her Dread. The first time she’d seen it, Hibiki had been with her and they defeated it together. Today he was far away…

Instantly, her _sense_ of her Dread’s systems was gone and she was no longer a part of her ship. The controls suddenly felt clumsy and remote, adding to her dismay. More frightful still was the conviction that came to her as she _felt_ the presence of the Red Pyxis, or a part of it, anyway. Their worst fears were confirmed. These ‘pirates’ or ‘raiders’ were working for the Earthers and the remaining Harvest Fleet.

Too bad she would never get a chance to report it, never see Hibiki and her friends again. The Earthers had her now, and she knew the fate that was in store for her, the same fate that awaited any ‘colonial’ who fell into their grasp. She would be taken to a Harvester ship and kept alive as long as medically possible, screaming in agony while uncaring surgical robots methodically cut her body apart. They would start by stripping off most of her skin and continue until only pieces of her remained, spare parts to be patched into the Earthers’ decrepit bodies. Like ghouls, they devoured the living to sustain the dying. She whimpered, consumed by horror, her heart pounding helplessly. _My heart — that will be the last organ they take from me, won’t it? The one that will force them to finally let me die._

Her Dread was losing power in the red beam and she barely had time to sob, “Oh, Hibiki…” before she was swallowed by despair and darkness.

* * *

_I…am._

_I am…awake. I was sleeping, and now I’m not. What woke me up? Did I feel trapped, closed in, suffocating, struggling to breathe, to escape? Or was that only a nightmare?_

_I am…completely miserable. Curled up on my side, cold and stiff, lying on a hard, lumpy surface with some sharp thing digging painfully into my right hip. My head is hammering, my tongue is dry, my mouth tastes gross, I have a burning thirst, and my stomach feels like it’s been empty forever. I should open my eyes…_ They squinted at a sun barely above the horizon that was too small, too white, too **bright**. _Have I got a hangover? Where am I?_ Below the sun were close-spaced rows of stubble strewn with yellow dried plant stalks, all coated with a silvery sheen made up of tiny beads of water. _Straw. It’s called straw, and it’s the residue of some crop after the grain was threshed. The water is dew. It must be early morning here. Wherever ‘here’ is. And how do I know these things?_

The thirst was intense and the dew tempting, but it was too thin to be worth licking kilograms of damp straw. Trying to sit up brought forth a groan, and crinkling noises. _What is this, wrapped around me?_ Working one arm free made sitting up at least possible, accompanied by more crinkles from the large sheet of thin silver material. _It’s an emergency thermal blanket, and it’s not supposed to have holes in it. I must have been in some sort of disaster. I don’t seem to be injured, though, and I don’t remember a disaster. I don’t remember…anything. It’s morning. Where was I last night? What was I doing? What happened to me? How did I wind up **here?**_ No answers were forthcoming, none at all. It was time to face the last question, time to stop evading it.

_Who am I?_

_I don’t know!_ That produced another suffocating sensation, but this one came purely from the inside. _I have not a single clue who I am. I can’t remember my name, my home planet, anyone I know, or any place I’ve ever been before. Hey— I’m naked! I’ve got nothing on under this blanket! No wonder I’m cold._ Climbing to unsteady feet was further impeded by the constricting blanket and hair, lots and lots of it, which was wound up in the thing too. It stubbornly resisted all efforts to get it out of the way until frustration led to yanking the blanket off, chilly morning air be damned. Getting free of that accursed hair was worth a few shivers. _All of this is **my** hair, and it’s a mess. I look like I’ve been grubbing in dirt, and…well. I am indisputably a girl! At least now I know that much._ She shoved the flamboyant red hair behind her back, wrapped the blanket around herself again and held it together, trying to warm up a little, or at least not get any colder. She was disappointed that the revelation of her gender didn’t bring any more answers with it.

She looked around, examining her surroundings, trying to find something, anything that might give her a clue about where she was. Straw and stubble spread out undisturbed for hundreds of meters in every direction. However she had gotten here, she hadn’t walked through it. The sky was clear, no vehicles were moving, no people were in view, but she could see a few buildings and what looked like a road more than a kilometer away off to her left, north if she was right about it being morning.

She took a step in that direction. “**Shit!**” Grain stubble jabbed her bare foot with dozens of tiny spikes. She experimented and found a half-shuffling gait that flattened the cut stalks, but did nothing about the sharp little rocks lurking between some of them. She loudly cursed each one she encountered. This was going to be a long walk.

* * *

The scene faded to blue. She was Dita Liebely again, back home aboard the Nirvana, in the middle of a wormhole jump. She felt a sense of puzzled frustration, but it wasn’t coming from her. It had to be the Pyxis. Somehow it had replayed her memories, trying to find out what had happened to her. Apparently it hadn’t worked. The blue light swirled around her and she found herself back in her flight suit, back in her Dread, pursuing an enemy raider…

Four times she relived her capture and awakening. Four times the Pyxis experienced it with her, seeking answers that neither of them found. Four times they both wound up frustrated. When she didn’t return to her Dread for a fifth attempt she wondered what would happen next. She giggled as she imagined the enormous mass of sentient crystal grinding its teeth and grumbling like some peevish old woman.

Instead, a landscape faded in around her, low green hills, scattered trees and a greenish-blue sky with an imposing Mejeran city in the distance. She wore her old white-and-pink skirt and jacket and black top, and a breeze tugged at her hair. She was still twenty standard, but the scene was from her childhood, ten years ago or more, before a disaster half-way around the planet had forced the government to reallocate resources and her home sector had been shut down.

A sparkle of light in front of her formed into a sweet-faced woman with short blonde hair who looked the same as the last time she’d seen her. She had been too young to remember when her Ohma walked out on them, and her Fama had tried _so hard_, but when their sector was shut down the poor woman just gave up. She’d endured two long, hard years before Captain Magno offered her a new home, a new family. Now she regretted turning her back on her only parent, and suddenly resolved to find her Fama when the Nirvana reached Mejere.

Dita smiled and asked, “Mama? What’s happening?”

The woman said, “You did not consciously experience any events between your capture and waking up in the oat field.” This wasn’t her Fama. She looked the same, her voice was kind of the same, but both she and her voice were vacant and expressionless. This must be the Pyxis talking.

Now she frowned, disappointed by the statement. “Pyxis? Didn’t you find out anything?”

The woman’s expression didn’t change. “No further information is contained in your memories, only insignificant details. You did not perceive any important properties of what you call Red Pyxis. That is inconvenient.”

“Oh.” Speaking of silly details, she clearly remembered the couple who owned the field. The husband told her they’d just gotten a fine crop of oats from it, and it was a good thing she hadn’t turned up two days earlier or she might have been killed by the harvester. She hadn’t known why the words gave her such an awful chill. The wife invited her to take a bath, gave her some old clothes to wear and insisted that she join them and their two young children for breakfast before she called the authorities for help. They hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary until she wandered into their back yard. She hadn’t known at the time, but that was her first encounter with a woman and a man living together. Now she understood why she’d felt that there was something just a little _off_ about the cozy domestic scene.

She wondered what to do now. “How long before the wormhole jump is over?”

Her ‘Fama’ considered that. “As long as you want, or as soon. It can end for you now if you wish.”

She smiled again. “I do. I’d like to get back to Hibiki. And my friends. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.”

The copy of her Fama made a moderately disturbing attempt to smile back. “That is not your doing. The information is not there. Returning you to linear time.”

* * *

Jura blinked away the blue light, sitting on her bed. She liked to ride out these jumps in private; sometimes strange, disturbing or embarrassing things happened in them, things she didn’t want to talk about. She’d file this one under ‘strange’, with a little ‘disturbing’ on the side. She gathered her thoughts, then stood up and walked to the door. She wanted to check on Barnette, find out what had happened to her when she followed Meia and Hibiki in their attack on that freaky ship.

Four doors down and across the corridor, she knocked. “Barnette?” She waited and tried again. “Barnette, honey, you here?” She waited again and opened the door, but the room was empty. Where could she be? She shut the door and headed uncertainly for the ready room. From under the bed came a relieved groan.

* * *

“—don’t think it would.” Helda was saying decisively.

Dita and Hibiki sat side by side in the ship’s mess, holding hands on the table. Neither of them had any idea what she was talking about. They didn’t remember much about their conversation prior to the wormhole jump, although for the rest it had been literally no time at all. They squeezed each other’s hands and murmured with relief on finding that they were still together. The…interlude had been a little stressful for both of them. They looked at each other and nodded as one.

Hibiki started climbing out of his seat as Dita looked around, smiled and said, “It’s great seeing you all again, but Hibiki and I have a lot to talk about. I’ll see you later.” She stood up beside him and they headed for the nearest door, still holding hands, as the crowd slowly made way for them.

* * *

After a time, she was never sure if it was minutes or hours, the jump ended. Meia stood on the walkway next to Pyoro. The Pyxis glowed and glimmered, a little duller than usual. It would recover in an hour or so after a jump of this distance. This was why they rarely used wormhole jumps. The Pyxis always seemed willing to do them, but it appeared to be a considerable strain. They had no idea if there might be some sort of cumulative effect from repeated jumps, either. In this case, Captain Magno had decided that a wormhole jump was justified.

That first jump, triggered by a dire threat and Dita’s panicked cry for help without any care about their destination, had spanned over 5,000 light-years and left the Pyxis depleted for several hours. Nobody knew its maximum range, but some estimates — a term so much more dignified than ‘wild-ass guess’ — ran as high as 35,000 light-years. Nobody knew, or wanted to find out, what might happen if they tried to jump too far, either. This was one of the longest jumps they had ever made on purpose.

“Jump complete, coordinate error three-point-four light-seconds, within acceptable limits. We’re home, Miss Meia.” The little robot sounded downright chipper.

“Thank you, Pyoro.” One duty remained. Not an official one, but one Meia thought was important. She bowed her head politely. “Thank you, Pyxis.”

* * *

Before any of them thought of anything else to say, or do, they heard BC’s voice again. “Jump complete. Welcome home, everybody. We’ll be putting in to industrial complex Delta-Two for repairs and resupply in about eight hours. All departments, stand down from Condition One and set the standard normal-space watch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Pyxis’s ability to communicate depends a lot on the person it’s talking to. It feels closest to Dita, and most distant from Jura. Meia and Hibiki are somewhere in the middle, although until he got Dita back Hibiki was harder to reach than Jura.


	16. Tell Me Everything

Hibiki let go of Dita’s hand, opened a door and gestured invitingly. “In here, Dita. Um, welcome to…my room.”

“You moved.” She hadn’t meant for that to be the first thing she said to him, it just came out that way.

“Yeah.” He half-smiled. “Everybody said it wasn’t _proper_ for a senior officer to be living in a jail cell.” The smile faded. “Not that it mattered to me.”

She had to admit that there wasn’t much difference. About the same size, with a regular door in a normal wall instead of the security barrier, and more lockers in place of the sink and toilet. A free man could go to the head when he wanted to. The standard Taraak bunk looked just as uncomfortable as his old one, and it was unmade as usual. A small pile of clothes and some other items were shoved under it. He really wasn’t much for cleaning up. Three of the UFO toys she had once festooned his old room with hung from the ceiling, and she felt a warm glow in her heart. A picture of her younger self, smiling and excited, on the bedside table gave her a much bigger one. A fresh ding on one corner of its frame made Hibiki look away guiltily. Stacked in the back corner were three boxes, each about half a meter high.

“All your stuff’s in there.” He waved a hand at them. “I, um, sometimes, when I felt really alone and missing you, I’d look through those, and think about you, and remember. I…hope you don’t mind.”

“No, it’s OK. I, I think that’s really sweet. I’m glad you were able to find some comfort.”

He felt another pang of guilt.

Dita walked to the bunk, smoothed out the blanket a little, and sat down. She patted the mattress beside her. “Come here, Hibiki. Tell me everything.”

A tortured voice echoed in his memory. _“Tell her everything. Everything, you hear?”_

Instead of sitting beside her, Hibiki stood in front of her, looking at the floor. “Dita, I, uh, I, have to tell you something.”

She frowned. “Hibiki, what’s wrong? I thought you were happy to see me.”

“I was. I am! It’s just…” He swallowed nervously, and his feet shuffled a little. “It…it’s Barnette. I, we, we’ve gotten…close. You were gone so long, and we, we all missed you so much…”

She felt a suffocating sensation. She reached towards him, but couldn’t speak for several seconds. She finally managed to say, “What about me? What about _us?_ Don’t you want me back?”

Hibiki grabbed her hand fiercely and raised his eyes to hers. “**YES!!** I want you back more than anything! I couldn’t stand it if I lost you again.” He shook his head. “I just don’t know what to do. You’re back. You’re here. You’re alive! This should be the happiest day of my life. Everything should be perfect. But, Barnette’s crying.”

Dita looked at him as if he had just announced that a dragon was devouring the sun.

“Yeah, I know. Barnette. Crying. Those two words just don’t fit together. But, she’s changed a lot since you…since the last time you saw her.”

“You mean since I was taken,” she corrected him grimly. “I can’t pretend it didn’t happen, so you shouldn’t either.”

He thought it over. “Yeah, you’re right. Not saying it won’t change what happened.”

When he didn’t go on she prompted him, “Barnette…”

Hibiki heaved a resigned sigh. _Barnette…what am I going to do about this?_ “She…she’s not the person I thought she was. Not that I really thought about her. She didn’t like men, I didn’t like her…I didn’t go beyond that, for a long time. I didn’t see how much more there is to her.” He stopped, and she was almost ready to give him another push when he said, “Anyway, she shut herself in her room, and she won’t come out. She won’t even talk to me. To anybody. Like I’m going to just forget all about her, now that you’re back.”

When he didn’t go on, Dita tugged at his hand and patted the mattress again. This time, he slowly sat down, leaving a space between them. They both sat silently for a while. Finally, Dita spoke up. “What are you going to do? What are _we_ going to do? I won’t give you up! I just got you **BACK!** But, Barnette…”

He shook his head miserably. “That’s the problem. I’ve turned it over and over in my head and I don’t see a way out. No matter what I do, it’s going to hurt somebody I care about.”

She looked at him thoughtfully, then slid over and leaned against him. “It’ll be all right. We’ll _make_ it all right.” Her expression became unsure. “Somehow.”

He turned to look at her. “I hope so. Maybe you can find an answer. You’ve always been better at, at, people things than me.” He smiled. “I’m really glad you’re back. I missed you, so much…”

She looked into his eyes. “Why did you miss me? Why do you want me back? Why did you keep searching for me?” Her voice was suddenly very soft. “Tell me, Hibiki. Please tell me.”

He couldn’t speak. He knew what she needed to hear, what he needed to say, but for just an instant he was thrown back to the beginning, choked by emotions he didn’t know how to deal with. This was the moment he had waited for, worked for, dreamed of for three long years and now that it was here he found himself ambushed by old habits. He fought down those old feelings, the ones that had led him to say so many mean and thoughtless things to her, kept him from saying the words he _should_ have said. He had missed his chance, but now, by some miracle, he had another. He couldn’t miss this one. He forced his voice to report for duty, and obey orders.

He took a deep breath, and squeezed her hand. “Because I…I love you, Dita. I should have told you, a long, long time ago. I’ve been…dying inside, not knowing what happened to you.”

She gave him a delighted smile and slipped her arm around him. “Oh, Hibiki, I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time. I remember that first day, when we battled the Harvesters together. You were told all your life that I was your enemy, but when I was in danger, you came to help me. I started to fall in love with you right then. Something made me forget that, but I remember now.”

“Wait, what do you mean, you forgot?”

She hesitated, then said uncertainly, “When I woke up, on that planet, I couldn’t remember anything. I didn’t know where I was. I didn’t even know _who_ I was. I knew I had to have a whole life before that but when I tried to think about it, I got all dizzy and confused. I saw doctors and specialists and therapists by the dozen, and none of them helped.”

He squeezed her hand again. “That sounds like it really sucked. But, then, what happened? How did you get back to us?”

She chuckled with no humor at all. “My Dread rescued me. I was leaving from work today when somebody tried to kill me.”

“Dita!” He looked at her bruises with new awareness. “Are you okay? You should go to sickbay—“ He started to stand up.

“No, I’m fine!” She held him down. “There’s nothing Duelo could do about it now anyway. I got away, and it’s over.”

“If you’re sure…” He looked her over, worried and uncertain.

“I’m sure. I’ve just got a few bruises, and they hardly hurt at all.” She regarded him intently until he settled back down, then smiled and gave him a little extra squeeze. “I’m glad you care about me, but I don’t need to go to sickbay. I’m _fine_,” she said emphatically.

He looked at her anxiously. “Dita…is there something you’re not telling me?”

She pressed her lips into a hard, straight line. “There’s a _lot_ I’m not telling you. I will, some other time, but right now I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t even want to _think_ about it.” She smiled for him. “Right now I just want to be happy I’m here. Here on the Nirvana…and here with you. The man I love.”

Her words made him feel kind of funny and warm inside, but he wasn’t quite ready to let it go at that. “Do you know who tried to kill you?”

She shook her head. “Nobody I ever saw before. Or ever want to. I called him the man-thing — a thing that looked like a man. Like a video star, too perfect to be real, but…” She shivered and squeezed against him. “He had a piece of Red Pyxis, somewhere inside. I could _feel_ it, like a pit of malevolence, even though I didn’t know what it was…”

He put his arm around her. “It’s okay now. You’re here, you’re safe. He’s gone.”

“I know.” She smiled again, a little unsteadily. “He tried to kill me, and then something blew a hole in the wall, and he was gone. I looked through the hole, and there was a blue spaceship outside. I could hear the man-thing coming back, so I crawled out and got into the ship. I still didn’t remember anything, but my hands knew how to fly it, and we left the planet.”

“Wow.” His face echoed the sentiment. “But then, how did you find us?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know. My hands set course for a spot outside the asteroid belt, but even with my memories back I still don’t know how they picked it. It was a long flight, over three hours, and I got there just in time to see that ship blow you and Meia apart. Not that I knew who you were. Your Vanguard was thrown almost straight at me. I could _feel_ it was important, but I didn’t know why.”

He thought back. “I didn’t see you. My scanners and comm were knocked out. And the main thrusters, most of the weapons, and about half of life support. I was kind of fucked. That ship lined up to finish the job…“

“I saw that.” Her memories were clear and immediate, like they were supposed to be. “I headed for that mech, and called for somebody, something to help him—“

“And when you got close enough, your Dread and my Vanguard combined, and we destroyed the enemy. Just like the old days.”

She nodded. “And then we were together. It felt just like that first time. I felt your arms around me, and I remembered you, everything about you, and how much I love you. Then I started to remember other things, our friends, the Nirvana, all the things we’ve done, and I knew I was finally home.” She paused. “It was strange. At first, all I remembered was you. It was like you were my whole universe, and there was nothing else.” She sighed. “And it felt really good. Then, when I remembered the other people we love, it was like, the universe got bigger. And then you said my name, and it kind of filled in the last pieces. I remembered everything.”

“You were in—“ Hibiki started, but was interrupted by a female voice echoing in the corridor outside.

“Attention. We’ll be serving a late lunch in twenty minutes.”

DIta’s stomach growled, Hibiki chuckled, and she looked at him sheepishly. “Oops. My lunch was a long time ago. All I’ve had since then were a couple of three-year-old energy bars. Bleah.”

He chuckled again. “I thought those things were supposed to last forever.”

She laughed. “Like your Taraak food pills?”

“Ugh. Point made.”

She was still laughing. “We always said they were guaranteed to taste just as…bleah in a hundred years as the day they were made.”

“Come on, they can’t be that bad.”

“They’re not that good, either.” She grinned. “At least they’re better than your food pills. Although that’s not saying much.”

“Hey, you can live on ‘em. Anyway, the ship’s chow is pretty good.” He smiled nostalgically. “But not as good as your cooking.”

“Really?” Her face lit up with a smile. “I always thought you liked it, but you never said anything…”

“I know.” He sighed regretfully. “I never told you how good your food was, and I never thanked you, either.” He looked into her eyes. “Thank you, Dita. Thank you for all the great lunches, and suppers, and breakfasts you made for me. Thank you for _all_ the nice things you did for me, even though I never showed you any appreciation. I should have. I guess…I just didn’t know how.”

She tried to acknowledge his thanks, but she was suddenly choked up. Her smile got bigger and she hugged him tightly, pressing her cheek against his. Neither of them had anything to say for a while.

“What were you saying?” she asked.

He blinked. “Huh?”

“You started to say something, before they announced lunch. What was it?”

“Uhhh…oh. Oh, yeah.” He thought for a few seconds. “You’ve been in that system, on that planet, all this time. And, your Dread’s been there too. They were probably trying to study it. Then we went there looking for those raiders, and, what? It can’t be a coincidence. What happened? Why now?”

“I called for help,” she said wonderingly.

He tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

She closed her eyes. “The man-thing had me plastered against the wall with some sort of invisible force, and I knew he was going to do awful things to me, and kill me…I yelled for help, but it crushed me until I could barely breathe so I called out, in my mind, for somebody to save me. He was laughing at me, and then I was lying on the floor and he was gone, and my Dread was there.” She opened her eyes suddenly. “It was the Pyxis! It heard me!”

In the old days, they had all discussed the strange visions the four of them, and no one else, had experienced during that first wormhole jump. Somehow the Pyxis had become aware of them, curious about them. They still had some sort of special relationship with that mysterious crystal being, especially Dita. Twice before, when she called out for help, it had reacted in spectacular ways. When she called out again…it could very well have responded.

“Huh. Could be. I guess that makes as much sense as anything.”

“I’m sure of it. The Pyxis sent my Dread to save me.” She got a sudden look of realization. “It must have guided me to the right place, too. It knew where I needed to go.” She looked satisfied for a second, then less so. “Hey, I’ve been doing all the talking. I asked about you. What have you been doing while I was gone? Besides getting ‘close’ to Barnette?”

He winced inside. There was so much more to tell…but not now. He couldn’t face that now. Their reunion was so new, so fragile, he couldn’t do anything to upset it. Or to hurt Dita, and that surely would.

She chuckled at the slightly panicked look on his face. “Okay, then, what about the new Captain?” Her face fell with worry. “What happened to the old one?”

That was a much easier subject, just now. “She retired. When we lost you…and when it was obvious we were in for another war. She always said she was too old for the first Harvester war, she just got caught in it. She’s living at your old pirate base, kind of keeping an eye on things, and taking care of Misty.”

That jogged some memories, not all of them good. “How is Misty?”

“She’s okay. I think she’s going to join the Mejere Space Force this year. Meia would know for sure.”

“That’s right. She’d be almost eighteen, wouldn’t she?” Her expression turned wistful. “I hope I get a chance to see the Captain while we’re here.”

“She’ll be really glad to see you. And she’s a Commodore now. She got promoted.”

“Oh, good. She deserves it.” She frowned, a little mystified. “But why is the new Captain called Magno? Did our Magno have a daughter, or something?”

Hibiki nodded, amused. “Or something. A while ago, the Firsts saw that they were getting old and decided to make copies of themselves, to take over when they got too old. Not clones, but genetically reconstructed duplicates. They completed the project over thirty years ago, and they’ve been raising the copies to be just like them. Captain Magno wasn’t part of it, but she’s a First, and they made one for her anyway. They named her Magno 2 Vivan, and the first Magno took her, to be the girl’s Ohma.”

He paused for breath. “When the old Captain Magno retired, there was a big hooraw over replacing her. They wouldn’t even consider BC; most of the Firsts thought of her — or is it him? — as a traitor to Taraak or Mejere, and he, or she, didn’t want the job anyway. The Firsts made up a list of Captains, and most of us agreed if we got stuck with any of ‘em they’d have an ‘accident’ as soon as we could arrange one.” At her shocked expression he added hastily, “Just a bad enough one to get ‘em off the Nirvana!”

She relaxed at that, and they both laughed a little. “The Taraak Defense Minister was the worst. He swore he’d have all the women thrown off ‘The Ikazuchi’ the minute he took command. He’d’ve had…a worse ‘accident’ than the others.” Their amusement took a sinister turn. The Defense Minister had been notorious among the Pirates for his intolerance, even compared to the other Taraak leaders, and the Nirvana’s success had done just the opposite of mellowing him out. He was still venomously opposed to any reconciliation with the ‘evil women’ of Mejere, and a minor faction in the Taraak Army shared his extreme views. Captain Magno, BC and Gascogne had made sure none of them got on board the Nirvana.

Hibiki concluded, “Anyway, the Captain talked to her sister and they managed to convince enough people it was the right solution. It’s been almost like having the old Captain Magno back.”

Dita smiled. “I’m glad she’s here. It just wouldn’t be the Nirvana without Captain Magno and BC.” She paused. “Now I know what she used to look like. She’s really beautiful. But she dresses a lot different.”

“That’s for sure!” He laughed, thinking of the shapeless hooded robe the first Captain Magno had worn. “She was a big surprise to everybody. Most of the men still don’t know what to think of her. She was an officer in the regular Mejere Space Force for over ten years. She’s a good captain, a smart fighter, and a strong leader.” He suddenly lost his humor. “We really need that from her.”

He mentally prepared himself. “We’ve been fighting new enemies. You saw the beginning of that, and it’s gotten worse. Now it looks like it’s all the same one, and they’re the ones that took you, and the Earthers are behind it. We don’t know what they’re up to, or why they took you.”

“We’ve lost some people.” He gripped her hand, painfully tight. “We lost three more today. Not many, really, for what we’ve been through, but every one is too many. Every one hurts. Even the ones I hardly knew. Every time somebody dies, it reminds me of losing you all over again.”

Talking to her got easier with every word. He had never known how much he had to say, or how much he needed to say it. Talking to Dita was different from talking to Barnette. She drew their conversation in different directions, led him to talk about things that just didn’t come up when he was with Barnette. Telling her his thoughts, even his fears, felt good, and right. He should have talked to her years ago.

He suddenly realized he was hurting her, and loosened his hand. He rubbed his thumb across her knuckles. “Sorry. It’s just that they’re my friends, my family, even the ones I don’t get along with very well. I really, really hate it when we lose people. And it’s mostly Dread pilots, they’re the most at risk, easiest for the enemy to reach, but we have to send them out or we’ll lose everything. I’m scared for every one of them from the second they launch until they’re safe back on board.”

He lifted his arm, pressed the back of her hand against his cheek. “And now you’re going to be out there with them. You’d never let me stop you. That’s going to scare me even more.”

She looked very serious. “They’re my friends and family, too. I want, I _need_, to protect them, just as much as you do. And you — you always try to protect everybody, except yourself, so I need to protect you, too.”

He gave her a sad smile. “You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t. I can’t protect you by making you be somebody you’re not. No matter how much I want to. I want to keep you safe, here on the ship. I want to send you back to Mejere, where you’d really be safe.’’

“Would you go with me?” She looked at him imploringly. “Will you take me someplace safe, and stay with me?”

He slowly lowered their hands. “I — I can’t. I can’t leave them to face this alone. They need me, need the VanDreads. And if we don’t beat this thing, no place will be safe, everything will be…death and ruin.”

She gave him back a sad smile of her own. “Then you understand. I can’t either. I have to stop them, just as much as you do. Together, like the old days.”

He gave a resigned sigh. “I guess neither one of us can be safe. Together, then.”

They sat quietly, then Dita squeezed herself against him again. “I love you, Hibiki.”

“And I love you, Dita.” That wasn’t so hard to say, was it? “Anyway, that’s what’s been happening on the Nirvana. I spent most of the time trying to find you. And then you just pop up out of nowhere.” He shook his head, confounded by the strange twists of fate. “What did you mean, you were leaving from work?”

“I was stuck on Gunzo. I had to get a job.” She frowned slightly. “It was a decent job, but it wasn’t what I wanted to do. I _wanted_ to work on the spaceships, but nobody knew who I was or where I came from, and I didn’t have any school records they could check, so the insurance companies wouldn’t let me even touch ‘em.”

“So what _did_ you do?”

“A desk job. Ordering parts, mostly. Sure, it was important, getting the best parts at the best prices, making sure they were sent to the right place at the right time and billed to the right accounts, but I really would rather have worked on the ships.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound too bad.” He chuckled. “Although it’s kind of hard to see you sitting at a desk all day.”

She sighed. “It was all right. I was pretty good at it, and the pay was okay. I even got a raise last year.”

“Hey, good for you!”

She smiled. “Thanks. But all the time, I always…_felt_, like I should be somewhere else, doing something more. That whoever I used to be, I did something important. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find any trace of myself, or where I belonged, or remember anything.”

“All that time we were looking for you, you were looking for us too,” he mused. “Only you didn’t know where to look either.”

She gave him a very special smile. “I was looking for _you_, Hibiki. Even though I didn’t know it, even though I couldn’t remember you, I missed you.”

“Dita…” He was enthralled. “So, there…there wasn’t…anybody else?”

She blew a rude noise with her lips. “Oh, please! _Them?_ I wouldn’t date those…” She paused for a second. “Okay, they weren’t such bad people. Most of them, anyway. There were a few assholes…” She snickered nastily. “Well, I took care of _them_. The rest, though…I guess, what I’m trying to say is, they were _small_. They only thought of small things. I couldn’t talk to them, and they didn’t really want to talk to me. They just wanted some hot, empty-headed babe. They didn’t care about who I was, or what I thought, and I didn’t care about them either. So I told them to take a hike.”

Hibiki frowned as he listened. “Yow. I wondered, sometimes, what was happening to you. Is that what it’s like, on planets where men and women live together?”

“It was on that one,” she said sourly. “I got hit on _all_ the _time_. It was especially bad in the beginning. When those men heard I lost my memories, they must have thought I’d fall for any stupid bullshit. A few of them were really hard to convince. And then some of the others decided I needed them to _rescue_ me from the Casanovas, and they deserved a _prize_ for their gallantry — **me!**” She made another rude noise. “They were almost worse than the assholes!”

He knew most of the words she’d used, but she put them together in unfamiliar ways. He thought he knew what she meant, though. A conversation with Barnette came back to him. “You mean, they…tried to force you to have sex?” he asked, appalled.

“Only a couple of them went that far, and I kicked their asses _real_ good.” She let out another nasty snicker. “They sure were surprised; hardly anybody in Orcadia had any combat training. I told everybody what they did, too. The police got enough evidence to put one of ‘em in jail. The other one got laughed right out of town for getting beat down by a _girl_.”

He couldn’t think of anything to say as she continued, “The rest tried to trick me with sweet-talk, but when I tried to really _talk_ to them they just got impatient. They wanted sex, but that was all they wanted.” She shook her head irritably. “Well, that’s not enough for me.”

Sex wasn’t enough for Barnette, either. He was certain of that. She hadn’t come to his room a week ago just for sex. She had been here for…everything. _Barnette gave all of herself to me that night, and I accepted. It took me longer, but I gave all of myself to her this morning. Neither one of us can take it back now. I shouldn’t even be here with Dita._

“You’re…not the same.” That wasn’t what he’d meant to say, but he couldn’t find the words he needed.

She nodded, granting the point. “Now that I’ve got my memories back, I can see that. I had to learn a lot of things the hard way. I was…pushed, sometimes in ways I didn’t want to go. Without my memory, I had no guide to who I used to be. I changed, but I survived.” She looked at him appraisingly. “You’re different, too. We’ve both been through a lot, and it’s changed us, but still I love you, more than ever. Can you…still love me? The way I am now?”

_I should be with Barnette, but…the cooking, the company, always being there for me, ready to help, even when I tried to push you away, when I made you cry…we never had sex, but that doesn’t matter. You gave all of yourself to me a long time ago, and somewhere along the way, I gave myself to you. We can’t take it back either._

“Yes.” The answer popped right out, and he knew it was true. “That didn’t change. I love you.”

_How could I do that? How did I give myself to two women? What can I do about it now?_

She smiled. “Then we can deal with everything else. I was talking to Jura this morning—“ She stopped, and shook her head. “Uh, no, wait, that…that was three years ago, wasn’t it? Yeah, it was. Huh. I got a little mixed up there for a minute.”

Hibiki looked at her, concerned again. “Dita? Are you all right? Are you sure you don’t want to go to sickbay?”

“No, it’s okay,” Dita reassured him, then gave him a wry, perplexed smile. “It’s like my memories have been frozen all this time. Now they’re back, and I _know_ they’re from three years ago, but they still _feel_ like they just happened. I remember waking up in my apartment in Orcadia this morning, and going to work, eating lunch, and…and everything else that happened today, but I also remember waking up in my quarters here on the Nirvana, having breakfast with my friends, flying my Dread in that other battle, and for me _it’s all the same day_.” She squeezed his hand, hard. “It’s confusing as hell, and really weird.”

He didn’t know what to say about that. He wanted to help her, but had no idea what he could do. He tightened his arm around her.

“I remember something else, too,” Dita said, looking embarrassed. “If you thought I was acting kind of strange those last few days, well, umm…maybe I was. Do you know about our contraceptive implants?”

Now Hibiki looked embarrassed. “Uhh, yeah, a little…” Barnette hadn’t called them that, but it was obvious what she meant. He remembered sitting beside Barnette as she explained hers, and of course Dita would have them too. At least this time he wouldn’t make an ass of himself.

She chuckled nervously. “Mine started their every-two-year shutdown just a few days before…that day. I guess I might have been a bit…unbalanced?”

He thought back, but all he could really remember was losing her, and a distraught panic that had crowded everything else out of his mind. He squeezed her again, reassuring himself that she was actually here, sitting beside him, and shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t remember anything like that.” He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. “Back then I thought _everything_ about women was kind of strange. I probably wouldn’t have noticed if one of you acted extra strange.”

Dita laughed and shook her head slowly. “Are you _sure_ you’re not an alien?”

Hibiki laughed with her. “Nope, I’m a Real Taraak Man. _Not_ an alien!” They both laughed.

Their laughter slowly ran down and neither of them said anything for a time. Finally, she asked, “What about Barnette?”

He felt another surge of anxiety. “I don’t know.” He looked away. “I’m kind of lost, Dita. This isn’t an enemy I can destroy, or a, a machine I can fix. Those are easy. You, Barnette, not so easy. What can I do? What can I say?”

“I’m not sure.” She grinned. “In the old days you would have just gone ahead and done the wrong thing without thinking about it. At least you’re getting better.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Any time.” She thought a bit longer, then announced decisively, “We have to talk to Barnette. Soon.”

He started to stand. “She’s probably still in her room.”

Dita held him down again. “No! We can’t go to her room. Not now. Not like this. That would be an invasion, a violation. We have to wait until she’s ready to talk, and bring her here.”

Hibiki settled back and gave her a wry half-smile. “Maybe you’ve got a point about me doing the wrong thing. So, what are we going to tell her? Is there anything we can do about this?”

“I don’t know. If we all talk about it, maybe we can get an idea.”

He thought it over. “We can try, anyway.” He unwound his arm from her. “It’s been almost twenty minutes. Let’s go to lunch.”

She smiled and nodded. “Lunch, together. Sounds good.”

Dita and Hibiki stood in the chow line, holding hands, talking to the women crowding around them. There were Dread pilots, mechanics, ladies from engineering, the Registry and other places. Most of their attention was on Dita, and Hibiki hardly talked at all. That suited him; Dita was happy. He looked around the room, but he didn’t see the green hair he’d hoped for.

They were serving rice and stir-fried vegetables with chicken and pork, and that was the only choice — clearly, lunch had been prepared in haste. All of them were hungry enough not to care. They sat near the main entrance, and the surrounding tables filled up quickly. Dita was practically a celebrity today. She let her friends chatter on while she mostly ate, smiled and nodded.

* * *

Barnette tired of lying under her bed and crawled out. She was tired of her room, too. She ran through a number of places she could go, things she could do on board this ship without the risk of running into Hibiki…or **her**. It was a short list, but she still spent quite a while on it before picking something.

She stood up, yanked open the doors of the upper cabinets she’d modified to hold her ‘antiques’ and started to reach for one of her favorites, then paused. She considered her collection for a minute, grunted out a completely unamused laugh, and pulled out her AK-47. She’d heard a lot about how famous and popular the old assault rifles had been, but was quite disillusioned when she finally acquired one; it was crude, ugly and uncomfortable, it kicked hard and jerked off target with every shot, but right now the damned thing suited her rotten mood perfectly.

She rummaged in the back until she found the two practice magazines she’d had made for it. They looked and felt exactly like full 30-round ‘banana’ magazines, but instead of ammunition they were packed with power cells, circuitry, and a tiny gravity generator. They perfectly mimicked the recoil of live ammo, and provided the correct mass, velocity and vector data for the range computers to determine what a real bullet’s trajectory would be. They also generated a shockwave that sounded like a real 7.62 x 39 mm report filtered through -30 dB ear protection. The only things they didn’t simulate were cycling the rifle’s bolt and flinging smoking empty cases across the room. There can be such a thing as _too much_ realism.

Barnette checked in at the range and submitted her troll-rifle and magazines for inspection. The duty range officer looked at her oddly, but passed her through. Two other women were plinking with lasers, a rifle and a pistol, and she took the station farthest from them. They smiled and nodded, but she ignored them and set the controls to give her four targets. She didn’t feel like shooting bulls-eyes or silhouettes today, so she selected the ‘lifelike’ targets, three-dimensional humanoid figures, then checked all the options for simulated blood splatter, guts, brains and body parts. She had a _lot_ of…issues to work through.

She missed her third reload, getting a dry ‘clack’ sound effect on the thirty-first trigger pull, and snarled at herself, frustrated. Of all the stupid, useless, _newbie_ fuckups…she swapped magazines to reset their internal counters, yanked back the charging knob and blasted away again. She didn’t notice the looks she was getting from the other two women, and the range officer. She wasn’t getting good hits either, and she knew it wasn’t all the gun’s fault. The thing wasn’t _that_ inaccurate. She reduced her enemies to messy ruin anyway, but not efficiently. She lost count, missed another reload, let out an infuriated squawk and resumed hammering away.

The holographic targets reset again, she took aim and…her finger froze on the trigger. These weren’t the computer’s bland, generic, expressionless mannequins, they were…**her**. That winsome face, long red hair, blue eyes, sexy body, every detail was perfect and they were _alive_. They blinked, they breathed, they glanced around, one or another of them looked right at her every few seconds. She sensed, she _knew_ they would scream when she shot them, would stare at her fearfully, crying out in despair and pain and horror as they ‘died’, and a tiny, sick part of her was tempted. She gulped and tried to look away but she couldn’t, and something, like a diabolical voice in the back of her head, started _pushing_ at her.

_Go ahead! You know you want to. There’s the bitch that stole him from you, now do something about it! Teach her a lesson, show her what a mistake it was to fuck with you! It’s easy, just pull the trigger like you’ve done a million times, and make her pay!_

She gritted her teeth, and with a supreme effort of will took her finger off the trigger. Something in her head growled with frustration and disgust, all the targets looked right into her eyes and now something was definitely _wrong_, because those filthy, gloating smiles did not belong on those innocent faces.

_Damn, you’re weak! Ain’t you got no balls at all? Well, heh-heh, guess you don’t, but you bitches do some almighty fucked-up shit so it must be just **you** that’s got no guts. Shoulda known this ‘ud be a waste—_

“**Barnette!** Snap out of it!”

That voice wasn’t in the back of her head. It was in her left ear, and she knew it nearly as well as her own. This time her head turned when she wanted it to. “Jura? What are you doing here?”

Narrowed green eyes glared into hers for a few seconds, making sure they really had her attention. “The range chief called me, and I can see why! What the hell are you doing?”

“Target practice!” she snapped. She turned back towards the targets but the four taunting redheads were gone, reverted to the same old drab holo-dummies. Where had they come from, where did they go? Was she hallucinating?

“You’re practicing how to shoot like shit?” Jura retorted, then visibly sat on her temper and continued in a calm but no-nonsense tone, “What’s wrong, Barnette? You’ve been acting funny for a while, but now you’ve gone off the deep end. What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” she said sullenly. _Can’t you see I want to be left alone? Just go away, and let me demolish a few dozen, maybe a few hundred more of these fuckers, and I’ll feel better, or at least be too tired to feel this shitty._

“Bullshit nothing!” Jura put a hand on her shoulder and Barnette whirled around to face her, gun and all.

Jura’s range safety was as deeply ingrained as hers usually was; she instantly grabbed the AK-47 by its receiver and forestock and wrenched the rifle around to point downrange. “**WHAT THE FUCK BARNETTE?!**” she roared, certain now that something was very, very wrong.

Barnette was mortified. She had _never_ done anything that stupid, not even the first time her Ohma took her shooting, over ten years ago. She stammered, “Oh shit, I, I’m sorry Jura, I don’t…I didn’t mean to…I’m _sorry!”_

“Dammit girl, what’s got into your head? It’s like—“

The big blonde abruptly stopped talking. She stopped moving, she even stopped _breathing_. She stood frozen, a sudden, perfect statue of herself. Everything stopped. The air stopped moving, all sound ceased, and Barnette felt as if she’d been cast in crystal.

“Hoooo-leeee shit, don’t that broad _ever_ shut up?” The voice sounded male, smooth and mellow, in striking contrast to its coarse words, with an edge of self-important arrogance. “She’s hot and all, but she needs sumpthin’ stuffed in her mouth.” It ground out an unpleasant chuckle. “I got just the thing, right ‘ere!” It was a voice she had never heard before. It raised her hackles and turned her stomach.

“Who are you?” was what she tried to say, but she didn’t expel any air and her mouth didn’t move. Nothing moved. She couldn’t even blink.

Not a problem, it would seem. The voice answered as if she’d said it. “Does it matter? I can get you what you want.” Now it tried to be persuasive, ingratiating, but she didn’t trust it.

“You can’t. You don’t have a clue what I want.” Trying to talk normally had worked, so she’d stick with it.

Hibiki appeared, standing a few meters behind Jura. “Sure I do. Your fuck-buddy. The guy you been bangin’ all week.” At least it _looked_ just like Hibiki, but he wore an expression she’d never seen on his face before, and never wanted to. The way he was looking at her made her feel unclean. “That redhead took ‘im, and you want ‘im back.” **She** appeared now, arms around him possessively. “Just one little thing in the way — but she don’t have to be.”

That slick voice grated on her nerves, and she _knew_ that it cared about only the basest of human motivations and desires. It really _didn’t_ have a clue what she wanted. Its words made clear that it saw her love for Hibiki as nothing more than the rutting of beasts. Lust it understood, and self-indulgence, greed and vanity, envy and revenge, brutality and betrayal; but honor, duty, justice, loyalty, trust, and, most of all, love, were only empty noises to that voice, unknown labels without any context to give them meaning.

“Go away. Leave me alone!” she said/didn’t say, sickened.

Crosshairs were superimposed over **her** head now. “Oh, come on, it’s easy. You know you want to. Show her what she gets for fuckin’ with you, and get ‘im back.”

_This_ was what she’d felt in the back of her head! She’d thought it was her own worst self murmuring murder at her, but it was this, this…_thing!_ She wanted to scream, wanted to throw up, but she couldn’t make her body react in any way. It was like time had stopped everywhere but inside her head.

The voice went on confidently, “I know what you’re thinkin’, but I can help. I can make ‘em see, or not see, whatever I want. They’ll never prove a thing.”

It didn’t care what was right, only what it could get away with. Anything was right if you didn’t get caught, and it could never comprehend that she, or anyone, might feel any different. It was trying to sound friendly, and sympathetic, but she was certain it didn’t give a rat’s ass about her. If she were both despicable enough and _stupid_ enough to accept its offer…it would promise her everything and leave her with nothing, use her and throw her away.

It wasn’t done with her yet. Those disturbing targets of **her** reappeared, floating off to the right. “Here, practice on these and get used to it. Then you’ll be ready, and not such a wuss.”

_“Get out of my head!”_ she not-screamed, desperately. She couldn’t actually be _hearing_ the voice. Her eardrums, the tiny bones behind them, her very nerve endings must be stilled by this not-time so the voice had to be inserting itself directly into her head. Even so, if time was stopped, how could she be…perceiving it? How could she be thinking?

The voice gave a resigned grunt. “Yeah, gotta go now or your little brain’ll burn out. Be seein’ you around, sweet-cheeks.”

“—I don’t know you any more!” That was a different voice, a dear, sweet, familiar voice and her struggling consciousness grasped at it like a life-line.

A wave of darkness nearly swept her under, and only her grip on the rifle kept her from collapsing. She started gasping and wobbling like her body had forgotten how to breathe, how to stand. Jura kept her balance, barely, or they would have fallen in a heap as she dragged the blonde pilot down on top of her. She clung to her AK-47, reminding herself how to breathe.

The drastic change in her condition interrupted Jura’s diatribe. She checked herself, saw her friend and lover’s bone-white face, the confusion in her eyes, felt her quivering, dragging herself upright by the gun they both held, and concern overrode her vexation. “What the hell _happened_ to you, Barnette?”

She had barely mastered breathing; complex operations like talking would take a while longer. Her vision cleared and fake-Hibiki was gone, taking fake-**her** with him. Good riddance. Everything looked as it was supposed to.

Jura was starting to look frightened. “Come on, talk to me. You look like you saw a ghost!”

The range looked normal, but it had looked normal before, and then everything had taken a hard left off to Weirdsville. No. No, no, no. She didn’t want to be here. There was too much space, too many places for images of **her** and sneering fake copies of the man she loved to pop out of nowhere, for smarmy voices to shove disgusting words directly into her head. She forced her mouth to open, her tongue to move. “God…godda giz…oddaheer…” she croaked.

Her mumble was all but unintelligible, but Jura had heard worse on long drunken nights, and her annoyance returned. “You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell’s up with you. Start talking!”

More words were beyond her at the moment. She shook her head and tried to take her AK-47 back, but Jura wouldn’t let go. After a few seconds’ confusion she released her own hold on the rifle, turned and staggered away. She shambled unsteadily towards the exit with Jura’s demands ringing in her ears. “Come back here Barnette! Don’t turn your back on me! Don’t you walk out that door!” Strictly speaking, she didn’t _walk_ out of it.

The next few minutes barely registered, a jumble of corridors, too wide open, and doors, way too many doors. She located the right one, got through it and closed it behind her. Her room was better, smaller, safer, but still not small enough. She didn’t start to relax until she was curled up under her bed again, her back pressed against the wall, shivering and whimpering.

After a long time she started to feel _right_ again, started to think about what had happened to her. She had definitely encountered _something_, some entity that sounded like all the worst things she’d ever been told about men on Mejere, that had caused her to see things that weren’t really there, hear foul words no one else heard. It had apparently stopped time — or, possibly, somehow, forced her brain to run hundreds of times faster than it should. That would have consumed her neurotransmitters at an unnatural rate, and could explain her nearly blacking out afterwards. Her other symptoms might have been a result of different parts of her brain being out of sync. The voice had exaggerated; she would have passed out when her nerve cells ran low on glutamate and stopped firing, but that shouldn’t cause any permanent damage.

She took a deep breath and let it out. She felt recovered now, her head was clear, her body felt proper and her — traumatic agoraphobia? — was gone. She crawled out, lay on top of her bed like a regular person, and blew out a huge _‘Whew’_ of relief. All she needed now was…Hibiki. She needed him like she never had before. She needed him to touch her, hold her, comfort her, reassure her. She needed to hear his voice. She needed him to smile for her, with _his_ smile, not that offensive mockery she’d seen at the range.

Where was he now, what was he doing? Probably with **her**, and they…she didn’t want to think about it. She looked at the time. What with one thing and another she’d missed their delayed lunch, and she didn’t feel like eating anyway. Besides, there was too much chance of running into **her** in the mess deck. It was almost time to start getting ready for her patrol flight. At least that might take her mind off things for a while.

* * *

Dita and Hibiki had finished eating and were just talking to their friends when one of the Vanguard mechanics approached warily. “Major?”

Hibiki looked up, distracted. “What is it?”

The man swallowed nervously, intimidated by the noisy crowd of women. “Repairs on your Vanguard are completed, sir. All that’s left is a test flight.”

“Wow, that was fast. What’s it been, two hours?”

“Almost three, sir. Yours was our first priority and…we can only fix a few of the others, anyway. We’re low on spare parts.”

“And nobody but me can fly it,” he said, resigned, and looked at Dita. “Well, I’ll be around later. We’re not going to need my Vanguard again today.”

Dita heard the exchange, reached over and squeezed his arm. “Go ahead and get it taken care of, Hibiki. Then it’ll be done, and we’ll have the rest of the day free for us.” She chuckled. “I’ve still got lots of people I want to talk to, so now’s a good time.”

He sat still for a few seconds, then nodded. “Okay, Dita. Shouldn’t take more than an hour, and I’ll see you when I get back.”

He stood up and held out a hand, and she took it and stood in front of him. “See you then,” she said, smiling.

He let go of her hand, paused, then stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. She returned his embrace, a little puzzled. “Is something wrong?”

“I…I don’t want to get that far away from you. Like I’m afraid you might disappear again. I guess…it’s a little silly,” he said sheepishly.

“Kind of. We’re in our own home system; what could happen?” She grinned. “But it’s kind of nice, too.”

He smiled and nodded uncertainly, released her, turned away, then turned back to face her. “Dita, could you…” He almost stopped. Almost. “I know it sounds crazy. It’s probably stupid, but…” He looked at her, pleading. “Don’t let yourself be alone. You were alone, when you disappeared, so just…don’t be alone. Have somebody with you, all the time, until I get back.”

She was ready to scoff but when she saw the look on his face, she smiled indulgently. “All right, if it’ll make you feel better. I think I’ll be surrounded by people anyway.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, Dita said it. “What could happen?” Doesn’t she know _anything?_


	17. Things Left Unsaid

“Nirvana Control. Lieutenant Commander Tokai here, call-sign Gold One. Request permission to sortie for systems testing.”

A pleasant, young-sounding female voice answered. “Gold One, Nirvana Control.” There was a short pause. “Permission granted. You may launch in ten seconds.”

“Nirvana Control, Gold One, acknowledge, in ten. Out.” Ten seconds later, he shoved the controls forward, roared down the launchway and out into space.

The Nirvana had stopped accelerating and was now coasting on a ballistic trajectory towards Industrial Facility Delta-Two at twelve percent of light-speed. That made his test flight much simpler. He moved a comfortable few thousand meters from the Nirvana and started putting his Vanguard through sequences of simulated combat maneuvers, testing each system and component in multiple combinations. For this short test he hadn’t bothered dragging out his flight suit, giving him a better feel for his Vanguard’s performance.

He was about half-way through his tests when he saw eight Dreads launch from the Nirvana, form up and head out on a patrol, all just tiny specks of light at this distance. _There goes Barnette_, he thought. He’d become familiar with her duty schedule over the past few days, and it was her turn to lead this patrol flight. Maybe after she got back she would be ready to talk, to try finding a solution to their…situation. He hoped she or Dita had an answer, because he was completely at a loss.

The previous patrol returned a few minutes later. He wondered who had been tasked as Flight Leader. He thought Meia was scheduled for it, but she was much too busy re-organizing her flight roster around damaged and missing Dreads, wounded pilots…and the ones who would never fly again. He felt an all-too-familiar pang at the thought, and his eyes stung. He shook his head and concentrated on his test routines.

He had nearly finished when he ran into a small problem. Several damaged parts in the left arm had been replaced. The control software had been compensating for the damage, and now with it fixed the response was a little off. It would eventually re-learn, but it was better to erase the heuristic memory, re-calibrate, and run through a series of exercises to build up new memory. It took a while. Finally, he was done.

He headed back. “Nirvana Control, this is Gold One. Request permission to return to the ship.”

He was impatient to get back to Dita, but there was no response. Just as he was getting ready to try again, they replied. “Gold One, ah, Nirvana Control, you are cleared to, um, return. Vanguard bay is clear. Standard approach.” There was something undefinably _odd_ about her voice. And had that been a giggle?

“Nirvana Control, Gold One, confirm standard approach. Estimate eighty seconds.” He placed himself on course for the docking area. The ship grew from a tiny shape, slowly loomed ahead of him.

“Gold One, Nirvana Control. Approach, uh, nominal.” There was definitely something strange in her voice.

He started decelerating. “Nirvana Control, Gold One. Ten seconds, mark.”

“Gold One, Nirvana Control, ah, you are,” giggle, “cleared to dock.” What the hell?

He parked his Vanguard, opened the canopy, climbed out and hopped to the floor. He stretched hugely. It felt good after over an hour at the Vanguard’s controls. He heard a giggle, and looked for the source. A small group of women and younger girls were standing around the Vanguard bay door. They immediately looked away. He started toward the door and they all turned around and departed. Outside, he could see them walking up the passageway ahead of him, giggling, talking in low voices, and looking back at him. What the hell?

All over the ship it was the same. Conversations stopped when he hove into view. Women and girls stared, some hostile, most curious, and a few looked almost…hungry. He shivered. He’d known for years that women didn’t really eat men; that was just outdated Taraak propaganda. Why, there were almost fifty men on board and there hadn’t been a single case of cannibalism yet. He saw two of them. One looked away, the other stared at him with a very strange expression. What the hell?

He stopped at the john — no. Barnette had taken to gently reminding him, _It’s the men’s head, dear. You’re not on Taraak any more, so do try to use proper shipboard terminology, to avoid confusion, and people giving you funny looks_. He was trying to remember, really he was! Although when he asked her _why_ it was called the ‘head’ she had stopped, and thought, and then admitted that she didn’t know. She asked him why they called it the ‘john’ on Taraak, and he didn’t know that either. They had concluded that these must be a couple of those ancient traditions, their origins so lost to history that nobody knew the _why_ of it any more.

He went into the _men’s head_ and saw that there was another man inside, a recent addition to the crew he had met a couple of times, but he looked at Hibiki as if he had suddenly contracted some hideous disease and left hastily. What the hell?

Business finished, he finally reached the door to his room. He wondered if Dita might be here. It felt really good to have her back. He opened the door, stepped inside, and there she was.

“Hi, Dita. Hey, everybody seems to be acting funny. What’s…going…?”

She was sitting on his bunk. She gave him a long, level stare. She didn’t say a word. What the hell?

He closed the door.

“Hibiki.” Her voice was just as level as her stare. “You said you and Barnette were ‘close’. You didn’t say _how_ close.”

Suddenly he felt such a huge knot in his chest that it was hard to breathe. What had she heard? Who had she heard it from? How much had she heard?

“Oh, no, oh, Dita, I was going to tell you…” She continued to stare.

It didn’t matter. She should have heard it from him. She had deserved to know everything from the beginning. He had failed her. He walked over to her, dropped to his knees in front of her, and looked up into her eyes.

“Dita, I am sorry. I’m sorry I waited to tell you. I’m sorry you had to find out from somebody else. And I’m terribly sorry you were hurt because of my failure. It’s my fault. I will do anything I can to make this up to you. I wanted to find the right time, the right words… I waited too long. I have failed you, Dita. I will do anything for you, anything at all to make this right.”

He waited a few seconds, then lowered his head and sat back on his heels. Whatever she did to him, he would deserve.


	18. You Can’t Go Back

If he had done anything else…said anything else…if he had tried to protest, argue, justify, make excuses…she didn’t know what she would have done. She had been wondering what to do all the long, long time she had spent waiting for him. She had done a lot of thinking, reached some preliminary conclusions, but everything depended on how Hibiki chose to handle this.

Now she had his answer. It wasn’t just an apology; it was a full confession. He had given her his unconditional surrender without firing a shot. Now he awaited her sentence, her terms. She was certain he had meant every word. He practically radiated sincerity.

“All right, Hibiki. I accept your apology. But I think it’s going to take me a while to forgive you.” He felt a flood of relief and gratitude. He looked up, and her hard, blank expression had changed to a troubled one. She patted the bunk. “Now get up off the floor. We’ve got a lot to talk about.”

She had felt panic, at first. Barnette was trying to take Hibiki away from her! She just got him back! Then she wondered, after what he had done, whether she really wanted him back. Maybe she should just tie a ribbon around him and give him to Barnette. How did she feel about that?

She remembered her time away from the Nirvana clearly. Whatever had interfered with her memory during that time hadn’t turned around and removed that part. She remembered everything. She remembered that even when she’d been lost and alone on a strange planet, with all her memories somehow taken from her, she’d had a feeling. There had been a hollow space inside, a void, an aching sense that some important, vital part of herself was missing. When she found Hibiki again, when she was suddenly sitting on his lap, his arms around her, his hands over hers on the controls of their VanDread, that empty feeling was gone. She felt whole, complete. Everything was right with the universe, and with her. When she thought about losing him, or giving him up, that awful, hollow feeling returned.

She was sure she wanted to keep him, now. She didn’t want to spend the rest of her life without Hibiki. He was hers, and she was his, and the universe had damn well better not try to tear them apart again, if it knew what was good for it. They had to work their way through this situation.

Hibiki sat beside her, again leaving a space between them. She approved. There was an emotional distance between them now, and it wasn’t his to close. He had to help her close it. He looked at her. “Could you tell me what happened? Somebody told you we, um…”

She had just been walking into the head when Barnette turned the corner and they’d been abruptly face-to-face. She’d been surprised, but Barnette had been shocked, then upset, then enraged, and accused her of clinging to Hibiki like some sort of disgusting sea creature. She didn’t like that, but had told her about his Vanguard test flight, and rather more politely than she’d deserved, too. Barnette hadn’t been interested in politeness. She had torn into Dita with a vengeance, she had struck back, and in a short time they had both been shouting all manner of insults and invective at each other.

Then they had finally gotten back to the point: Hibiki, of course. Barnette staked her claim, and dismissed Dita as unnecessary. Dita took exception, and declared their mutual love. Barnette countered that she loved Hibiki more than Dita ever had, and then started giving examples. Quite a few examples. In an old store-room, of all places? _Twice?_ They had continued yelling at each other until finally Commander Calessa had walked in and put a stop to it.

Hibiki’s quarters, without Hibiki, had never seemed so inviting.

“Barnette told me you two have been having sex for about a week. She provided, um, a lot of details. I sure know a lot more about _you_ than I did before.”

Hibiki’s face turned red. “Then, I, I guess she, um, you, ah, know everything about, uh, that.”

She had thought about why he hadn’t told her. Then she’d remembered how tongue-tied he had been just telling her they were ‘close’. She had tried to imagine the knots he’d get into telling her about this. She’d almost laughed out loud at her mental image of Hibiki trying to stammer his way through some of the things Barnette had told her. He’d be lucky if he remembered to breathe. She’d been right. He really was stammering!

She hid her amusement. “I shouldn’t have had to hear it from her. You should have told me.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I hate to keep saying that, but it’s too late to say anything else. What, uh, just what did she say?”

This time Dita’s face turned red. With her pale skin, and glorious hair, it was quite a sight. “I— I’m not going to talk about that. What she said, the words she used, well, I’m not going to say them.”

It had certainly been a…_unique_ experience. She had heard most of the words before, even used them on occasion, but Barnette’s command of rude, crude, vulgar and obscene language was both impressive and frightening. What kind of environment had that girl grown up in? Or was it just some sort of natural talent? Whatever it was, her attempts to fight back had been overwhelmed. She had scored a few hits, but not many.

His face had been starting to fade, but now the red came back. “Oh. Oh. I guess she must have been pretty mad, huh? And she took it out on you. It’s my fault.”

“She still would have done it even if you had told me. I just wouldn’t have had to hear it from her _first_.”

“If I had known you were coming back, I, we—”

“I know. I thought about it. I had a lot of time to think, while I was waiting for you.”

He had apologized in full for not _telling_ her of everything he had done with Barnette, but not at all for _doing_ it. He wasn’t trying to diminish the importance of what she meant to him, wasn’t giving her empty reassurances. That made her feel better.

She’d thought this through, too, waiting for him. What they had done was not wrong.

What if she really had been lost forever? What if, instead of being back home, safe aboard the Nirvana, she were out drifting, dead and frozen, in some unknown expanse? Bodies are easy to lose in space, and incredibly hard to find. All her search and rescue training had emphasized that, and practice exercises had driven the point home. They are tiny, poor targets for radar or lidar, almost impossible to detect in any way at any significant distance. Even if she were still in her Dread, all its power would be depleted and finding it would take a great deal of luck. If she were floating dead out in space she might not be found for millions of years, or ever.

It was hard to think of herself that way, but _what if?_ How long should Hibiki have waited? If three years wasn’t enough for her, what would be? Five years? Ten? Twenty? Forever and ever? They hadn’t known she was coming back; how could they? She hadn’t known it herself until it happened. If it was hard for her to think of herself dead and lost to infinity, how would it be for him? How long should he wait, never knowing? Dying inside, with every day bringing a little less hope, a little bit more of that nagging fear, another increment of despair, all alone? The thought made her shiver.

No. She wouldn’t wish that on anybody; certainly not the man she loved. He had waited long enough, and more. He had a right to keep living his life, so why not with Barnette? She’d been a friend in the old days, almost like a sister. She was always a bit cool and distant, but she’d looked out for the new trainee, and taught her a lot. Barnette had surely missed her too. She couldn’t fault them for seeking comfort with each other. She couldn’t blame them for being attracted to each other, either. Barnette had only grown more beautiful, and some of her old friends confirmed what Hibiki had told her, that she’d also grown more open and friendly. As for Hibiki, well, she found him even more desirable now than she had before she was taken from him.

She looked straight at him, very serious. “You did not betray me. You had no way of knowing if I would ever come back. You couldn’t just stop living because I was gone, and even after three years you were still searching for me.” Her expression softened. “I can imagine how hard it must have been.”

“That doesn’t matter any more. It’s over. You’re back.”

“Yes, I’m back. And there are things I need to know, things I deserve to know, _have_ to know if we’re going to stay together. Things you have to tell me.” She gave him a quick half-smile. “I asked you to tell me everything. Barnette said, well, screamed, that she told you the same thing. If both of us agree, don’t you think we might be right?”

“Yeah, you’re right. I have to tell you. But I just don’t know what to say, how to say it. I don’t—“ He looked at her pleadingly. “Dita, will you help me? I don’t think I can do it on my own.”

At last she gave him a full, genuine smile. He was dazzled, and thrilled. She reached over and took his hand. “Of course I’ll help you, Hibiki. I’ll always help you. You only need to ask.”

He squeezed her hand. “Thank you, Dita. So, what do I do?”

“First, we have to decide what we want. What do you want, Hibiki?”

He thought for a few seconds . “I want you back. I want _us_ back. I want to go back, to where we were before…”

She shook her head. “We can’t go back. We can never go back, only forward. We can’t undo what’s happened, or the things we’ve done. We can only try to do better. The place we were, the path we were on, those are gone. They were false, anyway, because there were important things I didn’t know, things you didn’t say. We have to get to a new place, with a new path, our true path, without lies, or things left out. That’s the only way we can go forward.”

Hibiki didn’t say anything. He looked enlightened, and confused, at the same time.

Dita smiled. “I think you need some more help. I’ll tell you what I want.”

“I want to share the rest of my life with you. I want us to love each other, care about each other, and our friends, forever. I want us to have children, to raise them to be good people, strong and brave and kind. I want to protect you, and our friends, and our children.”

There were tears in his eyes, and his voice was rough. “Oh, Dita, that”s — that’s what I want, everything I want… I just didn’t know it until you told me.”

There were tears in her eyes, too. “That’s good, that’s progress. We both want the same thing. Now we just have to figure out how to get it. But, what about Barnette?”

“I don’t know. I can’t just turn my back on her.”

She nodded. “Good. If you could — you wouldn’t be somebody I want to know.”

“If I did that, I wouldn’t be somebody _I_ want to know. But I still don’t know what to do.”

Her voice was suddenly very soft. “Hibiki, do you love Barnette?”

He couldn’t answer immediately. Finally, he said, “That would be part of ‘everything’, wouldn’t it?” He nodded slowly. “Yeah. I do. Just figured it out this morning.” He added uncertainly, “It…it’s not…the same…”

“Well of course it’s not the same. She’s not me, I’m not her — even you’re different, after all this time.” She tilted her head. “But it’s still love. You can’t deny it.”

He sighed. “You’re right.”

“Have you told her?”

He shook his head. “I was waiting for the right time. Tonight, after…“

She grimaced. “But then I turned up, and threw a monkey-wrench in it.”

“That’s not—“ he looked at the floor miserably and muttered, “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“I didn’t mean to be gone for three years.” Her low voice drew his attention and he looked up to see her sad, wistful expression. “I didn’t mean for my memories to be taken from me. I didn’t mean to get—“ She frowned for a few seconds, then appeared to dismiss whatever thought had disturbed her. “Well, I didn’t mean for a lot of things to happen, but here we all are anyway. Shit happens, and we are rarely asked whether we _mean_ for it to happen or not.”

“I guess you’re right.” He looked, and sounded, lost. “But what do we do now?”

“We deal with it.” She sounded a little lost, too. “Somehow.”

“But how? I can’t stand the thought of hurting you, or her. Either one. But now I’m hurting both of you, and I don’t know how to make it stop.”

After a few seconds, she said, “It’s not your fault, not really. It’s not anybody’s fault. It’s the situation we find ourselves in.”

Then her soft voice was back. “Does Barnette love you?”’

Again, it took him a while. “I think so. Probably. If she didn’t…she wouldn’t be locked in her room.”

“She wouldn’t have done a lot of things. I’ve never seen her out of control like that.”

“You’re probably right. She…she’s been really happy, until…”

Dita seemed to brace herself, and almost whispered, “Do you love me, Hibiki?”

This time, he answered instantly. “Yes! I love you, Dita. Always.”

She smiled, finally. “Sometimes you do say the right thing.”

“But if that’s the right thing, how can I…feel this way about Barnette?” He looked at her helplessly. “What’s wrong with me?”

She looked away from him, up at her UFO toys. “From what I’ve heard, there’d be something wrong with you if you _didn’t_ love her.”

Hibiki asked hesitantly, “What you’ve heard?”

“Meia talked to me before she took over the Dread flight. She told me how much better you were, after you…you started seeing Barnette.” She chuckled sourly. “Like watching a zombie turn into a human, she says.”

“Huh. That sounds about right.”

Her voice sounded distant now. “Were you happy? This morning, when you knew you loved her?”

This answer came slow, too. “Yes. I was.”

“Are you happy now?” She sounded even more distant.

“Yes!” he almost shouted, “I’m glad you’re back! Don’t ever think I’m not!”

She squeezed his hand and smiled again. “I’d never think that. The way you hold me, and tell me you love me… I know it’s true.” Her smile faded. “But there are other things you still have to say.”

He nodded resignedly. “You’re right.”

When he didn’t go on, Dita prompted him, “Now would be a good time.”

“Maybe…I need some more help?” he said hopefully.

She chuckled. “You’re definitely learning something. I’m just not sure it’s the _right_ thing.”

He looked at her, pleading, and she said, “All right. I know you and Barnette were having sex. She told me…a lot, really a lot, about that. I _should_ make you tell me all about it anyway, but I think your tongue would break off before you got half-way done. So, since I know all I need to about that, I’ll take pity on you.”

Her face, and her voice, suddenly lost all traces of humor. “Leaving just one thing. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want to, I don’t know, give you anything more to deal with, so soon. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“So you let somebody else do that for you.”

He looked down, ashamed. “I thought it might be easier, somehow, if I waited, found the right time. But you’re right. Guilty.”

She put her fingers under his chin, made him raise his head and look at her. “Hibiki. I’m not trying to punish you. That’s not what this is about. I think I’ve guessed most of your reasons, but I need you to tell me, yourself, in your own words. And you need to say it, too. We have to get this out in the open, deal with it, and move past it. Things can never be right between us until we do that.”

She took her hand down, and he didn’t look away. “Okay. I’ll try.”

“Then, why did you want to wait?”

“I thought it was too soon. I thought maybe if we had a while to get…settled, it would be better.”

She continued, insistent. “How would it be better? How would telling me right away be worse than waiting?”

“I knew it would hurt you.”

That was an evasion. She kept pushing. “The longer you waited, the more risk somebody else would tell me, and hurt me worse.”

“I thought I had time! I didn’t know she’d do that. I never even thought about it.”

She thought she was almost there… “How would time have changed anything? The facts would still be the same. It would hurt me, or not, the same. Why didn’t you tell me?”

He squeezed her hand, hard. “I was afraid I’d lose you again!”

That one rang true. “Didn’t you trust me? And if you did ‘lose me’, if I were hurt or angry or jealous enough to leave you, shouldn’t that be _my_ choice?”

“That’s not what I—“ He shook his head, lowered his voice. “You’re right. I took your choice away from you, didn’t I? That was my crime.”

She gave him a very small smile. “Yes. Now you see.”

In a small, shaky voice he said, “Dita? You’re not going to leave me, are you?”

Her smile increased, just a little. “I told you what I want. I mean it.”

His face plainly showed his profound sense of relief. “It’s what I want, too, more than anything. How can we get there?”

“I think we’re finally on the right path. If you don’t wander off it again.”

“I won’t. What about you? How…how much did it hurt you?”

She considered that, carefully. “A lot, at first. Some, still. It’s getting better.”

“You have my apology, and I mean it. Is there anything else I can do?”

This time she gave him a medium-sized smile. “You’re doing it. We have to work through this.”

“_Are_ you angry?”

She gave him a sharp look.

“We should both tell each other everything, right?”

“You’re a sneaky devil, aren’t you?” She sighed. “But you’re right. It’s only fair. Yes, I’m angry. Not about the sex, not any more at least. I can understand why you took comfort from each other when I was gone, maybe forever. But Barnette — we can’t control our feelings, but we have some control over what we do about them. What she did was very wrong.”

“I think so, too.” He hesitated, then forced himself to ask, “But…are you angry at _me?”_

She gave him an irritated look that shifted to a troubled one. “Some. You should have told me.”

“You’re right.” He thought about his reluctance, and the reasons for it. “I wanted to find an easy way, and there just couldn’t be one. I…I was…afraid, of what might happen, how you might react… I told myself it could wait, I could tell you later…”

She asked shrewdly, “How _much_ later? What signal were you waiting for? What would have been your sign, that it was finally time to tell me you’ve been boning Barnette for the last week? Would it come before or after you screwed me, too?”

He looked at her, incredulous, and sputtered, _“Dita?!”_ The idioms were unfamiliar to him, but their meanings were obvious, as was the crudity. He couldn’t believe she’d just said that. She had definitely changed from the carefree, naive girl he’d lost three years ago.

She couldn’t help herself; she laughed. The look on his face was priceless, and he appeared to have misplaced his capacity for speech after that one word. “All right, I guess you would have worked up to it before we got _that_ far,” she relented. “You could scarcely have expected me not to notice that you’d been…_practicing_.” She laughed again as his expression became even more agitated.

Hibiki had no idea what to say, and he felt disconcerted and embarrassed to have her laughing at him. Though it could be worse, he reflected. Like that frozen silence he’d encountered on first opening the door. He’d rather she laugh at him all day than endure a repeat of that!

In time, he recovered enough to ask, “You, uh…you’re jealous, aren’t you?”

She lost her humor and glared at him, just a little. “Everything, huh?” He looked at her helplessly but expectantly until she said, “Fine. Yes. I’m jealous. I was there first, and now Barnette has shared something with you that I never did.”

He amended her statement, placatingly, “Well, not _yet_, anyway.”

Dita couldn’t help cracking a tiny smile. “Awful sure of yourself, aren’t you?”

“You, um, you said you wanted children…”

That did make her chuckle. “There _are_ other ways to get them, you know.”

“Our own little clones?”

She laughed again. “Okay, probably not. Yes, I want to find out exactly what you two have been up to while I was gone. But not now. That has to wait until we resolve this whole mess. If we did — we’d have to try to get the ship evacuated before she found out!”

_And what she’s oh-so-carefully **not** saying is that the same goes for me and Barnette. The ship wouldn’t be in any danger, but it would tear Dita apart. She’d still love me, but she couldn’t trust me._

They sat quietly for a short time. Then he squeezed her hand. “Dita? Is there anything else you want to know? Or say? Is there anything else I can do?”

She gave him a genuine smile. “Just…don’t leave things unsaid. They always come out, in the worst way, at the worst time. Count on that.”

Hibiki nodded. “I’ll try. But sometimes it’s hard to know what to say.”

“Don’t be so afraid of saying the wrong thing, you don’t say anything. That’s always the wrong thing.”

“All right, I’ll remember.” He added uncertainly, “What now? How do we move forward?”

“The three of us have to have a long talk. We have to figure out what we’re going to do about, well, everything. I’ll need some time to look for answers, first. I need to see Parfet, get access to the ship’s old datacore, and see if I can find some ideas there. That will probably take most of the morning, so…I think tomorrow, after lunch.”

“What about me? Us, I mean?”

She chuckled. “Consider yourself on probation, bub. Do you have that on Taraak?”

“Yeah.” He flashed her a small, rueful grin. “It’s when you’ve done something bad, but they think there might still be some hope for you, so they let you go, and watch you.”

“Exactly. Don’t let me down again.”

“I won’t.” He let go of her hand and stood up. “I need to go talk to Barnette now. Tell her what she did was wrong, and invite her to our meeting.”


	19. The Barnette Incident

He didn’t go straight to Barnette. He had to collect some more information first.

He wanted to talk to Jura. A ship is more of a rumor and gossip pressure-cooker than a mere rumor mill, and Jura usually knew what was brewing better than most, but he had to be the second-to-last person she wanted to see right now — Barnette herself being the last. Meia was out on patrol; she’d taken over the 1600 flight when Barnette was confined to quarters. He’d talk to Gascogne. She was another of his best friends, and she had a way of setting him straight when he didn’t know what to do.

He found her right where he expected to, in Registry Central. The place was in an uproar. Five Dread pilots were surrounded by about two dozen Reg ladies, all talking and laughing loudly until Fione saw him and shouted, “Look! The man of the hour!”

Conversation stopped as they all turned to look at him. He took inventory — no hostiles, several curious, a couple very curious and one…hungry. Watch out for that one. He walked over to Commander Rheingau’s desk. She’d been laughing as hard as anyone, and was still chuckling.

“Gascogne, will you please tell me what the hell’s going on?”

They all started laughing again. The Dread pilots surrounded him, followed by the Reg gals. Gascogne dabbed at her eyes. “Short version, Dita and Barnette had a huge fight in the pilots’ head. Well, not really a fight, more of a screaming match. I _thought_ something was going on between you and Barnette; guess I can call that confirmed.” She had managed get through it without laughing, but couldn’t stop grinning.

Fione grabbed Gascogne’s hand and held it up high. “And Understatement-Of-The-Year award goes to Miss Gasco! Speech!”

Gascogne wiggled her hand free. “How many times I gotta tell you it’s _Gascogne_, dammit! I wasn’t there—“

“I was!” Fione flipped her bright-orange hair and winked at him. “So, if you get tired of Barnette and Dita…” She was one of the _very_ curious ones.

Gascogne lost most of her amusement. “Hibiki will never ‘get tired’ of Dita. Or Barnette, I think. Some things you shouldn’t joke about, Fione.”

“Oh, lighten up. What’s wrong with having a little fun?”

Gascogne was suddenly deadly serious. “Dita, Hibiki and Barnette are some of my oldest and best friends. If anybody causes them any more trouble than they’ve already got, I will be _very_ displeased. Is that clear?”

Everybody stopped laughing. Even Fione looked subdued. “Sorry, Miss Gascogne. I didn’t mean anything.”

Gascogne sighed. “You never do. You need to think a little more, and joke a little less.” She smiled. “Just a _little_, okay?”

Fione smiled back. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll try.” She turned to Hibiki “So there we were, in the head, when Barnette walked out, got in Dita’s face, and asked her why she wasn’t still stuck to you like a lamprey. Dita told her you were outside flying your Vanguard, and to back off. Then—“

“I liked when she said there was still half a container of cucumbers in the galley, go have fun—“

“No, that was after—“

Gascogne called a halt. “All right, everybody pipe down. Fione, Mata and Celise are the only ones who were actually there. Let them tell it. Take turns nicely, ladies.”

Mata, a gray-eyed pilot with wavy, pure-black hair said, “Well, there were a couple of others, but they’re not here.” One of the merely curious ones.

They didn’t exactly take turns. They conferred, interrupted each other when one of them missed details, almost competed to relate certain especially adroit phrases, and laughed and giggled constantly, all the while gazing at him intently. Within a minute, his ears were burning. In two, his whole face was burning. He leaned heavily against Gascogne’s desk. It took nearly ten minutes for the entire tale to be told.

Barnette had confronted Dita, they started arguing, and it escalated. Dita had started out reasonably polite, but had quickly lost her patience, then her temper. Barnette had _started_ the encounter without hers. After trading a lot of preliminary insults Barnette told her she had been taking care of Hibiki and they didn’t need her butting in. Dita said she loved Hibiki and he loved her. At which point Barnette had started to describe _how_ she loved Hibiki. In detail. With flourishes. Lots of them.

Dita had fired back as best she could, but was clearly out-gunned and overmatched by Barnette’s command of vernacular and vulgarity. There were a number of things only the cheerfully outspoken Fione would repeat, and even she seemed hesitant.

At least Commander Calessa had been nearby, and Celise had the sense to go get her/him. Buzam had listened briefly to the witnesses, then ordered Barnette to confine herself to quarters and asked Dita to stay far away from there.

Mata said, “We all learned more about sex between men and women in five minutes than we _ever_ knew before. Barnette should get some sort of public-service award.”

Rika, the other very curious pilot, spoke up, “And we all know a _lot_ more about you, too!” They all laughed.

Hibiki was trying to get his face to cool down. “So, um, who do you think has heard about this?”

Fione gave him a pitying look and shook her head. “Hibiki, you poor, simple soul, it would be much quicker to tell you who _hasn’t_ heard. And that list is shrinking by the minute! I’d say in another hour, everybody will have heard it at least twice.”

That didn’t help with the cooling-off, not one bit. Hibiki straightened up. “Thank you, Gascogne, and everybody else. I’m…going to talk to Barnette now.”

They watched him go. A few of them wondered if they would ever see him again.


	20. Confrontation

Hibiki knocked on the door. “Barnette?”

There was no response.

He knocked harder. “Barnette? You have to be in there.”

He looked up and down the corridor, then leaned close to the door and said quietly, “You’re not hiding under the bed again, are you? That would be a bad habit to get into.”

There was a low cough from inside the room. Finally, “You’re not going to go away, are you? Come on in. I can’t have you standing out there all day.”

He opened the door and stepped inside. All the lights were off. Barnette sat on her bed, back against the wall, knees pulled up to her chest, staring at her feet. Her eyes were red, and faint dark trails ran down her cheeks.

In a flat, almost dead-sounding voice she said, “Well, come in and shut the door. I’m not an exhibit.” She winced inwardly at how rude she sounded, but, really, would it make any difference?

He shut the door, and took the two strides to the bedside. The emergency glows came back on, and Barnette looked perfectly ghastly in the dim bluish light. He supposed he didn’t look much better. He remembered her in better lighting, but that strayed into dangerous territory. Best not to think about it.

“Go ahead, have a seat. The shitstorm’s over.” She still didn’t look at him.

He sat on the edge of her bed, just close enough to reach over and touch her, if he dared. He turned toward her. “I didn’t want to just sit on your bed, uninvited.”

She said nothing for a short time, then, in a more normal, almost wistful voice, “Last night I invited you to do a lot more.”

He hesitated, then, “Things were…different…last night.”

She grunted at his massive understatement, but did nothing more for a while. Finally she said, “I know why you’re here. Get it over with.”

He visibly braced himself. “Did you start that fight with Dita? Everybody says you started it.”

“I didn’t go looking for her if that’s what you mean. I just turned the corner and there **she** was.”

“But they said you walked out and just, well, started it.”

“I just asked why **she** wasn’t with you.”

“But, didn’t you say it in a really nasty way?”

“I guess I was in a really nasty mood.”

He didn’t reply immediately. Then, “It’s the only mood anybody’s seen you in since…”

“Yeah, I know. It seems to be the only one I’ve got left.”

He didn’t know what to say about that. Instead, he changed the subject to, “You told her we…have been together.”

She snickered. “I told her a lot more than that. Why didn’t you? I said to tell her everything.”

“Well, you sure took care of that!”

“Heh. Might do her good. Things she needs to know and all that.”

“She didn’t need to hear it like that! They said-“

“They say, they say, they said. What about **her**?”

“Dita doesn’t want to repeat the things you said. _I_ don’t want her to repeat them. I don’t really want _anybody_ to repeat them. But they can’t seem to stop. Besides, what you — the way you said it — that’s not how I remember it.”

She didn’t feel like pursuing that one.

“She did say you were completely out of control.”

“Did I scare her?” She didn’t sound too concerned about it.

“You’re scaring everybody. You’re either in here imitating a black hole, or, or, bumping around the ship like an unstable atomic bomb. It hurts to see you like this, but nobody dares to get near you.”

“You know, actually, I scared myself too.” She shivered for a second.

“Could you not do that any more?”

This wasn’t what she expected. She’d expected the third degree. She had expected him to roar and thunder at her, demand that she stay away from his precious redhead, maybe threaten her, possibly even hit her, and instead he was…asking her? Pleading with her? He had to hate her, didn’t he? She finally screwed up her courage and looked at his face, and in the dimness she saw not anger and condemnation, but concern, and she felt a surge of relief. The one person whose opinion mattered most to her didn’t hate her. Instead he was…here for her. She felt a stronger surge.

In a nearly normal voice, she said, “Oh, Hibiki, I don’t know what I was doing. I guess I kind of snapped.”

He chuckled. “Pretty big snap.” The look of concern returned, stronger. “I can only imagine how hard this must be for you.” He reached a hand toward her.

It was too much. Suddenly, she practically leaped at him, flung her arms around him, buried her face in his chest, and cried, and cried, and cried. He sat frozen for a few seconds, then hesitantly put his hands on her shoulders. She gripped him harder and turned her head far enough to gasp out, “Hold me. Hold me tight,” between sobs. He obeyed, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer.

She was astonished at how _good_ it felt to just abandon all restraint, lose control and bawl in his arms like a little girl. Crying by herself hadn’t been any help at all, but this felt like it was getting somewhere. She couldn’t imagine doing this with anybody else. Not Jura. Certainly not Meia. Not any of the other pilots. Maybe, _maybe_ Gascogne. It didn’t matter. Hibiki was here, and he was just what she needed. She felt something fall on her nose. Then again. She looked up, and saw tears running down Hibiki’s face, and the waterworks went into overdrive.

She _had_ scared herself. She was shocked by the shrieking harridan she had become. And by the…cruel satisfaction she had felt at the time. She shuddered, and wondered what was wrong with her. She had never known she contained that much spite and bile and viciousness. Now, it seemed, everybody did.

She really hadn’t planned it. Everybody had to go to the head sometime, and there were only so many facilities on the ship. She’d finished her business, was walking back to the sinks, turned the corner — and there **she** was, not two meters away, with those bright blue eyes and that glorious avalanche of red hair, smiling and laughing after spending the day with Hibiki, and she had felt something _twist_ inside her, and…

She didn’t remember all the details. She didn’t want to, she supposed. She remembered enough to be embarrassed, at least in retrospect. And, also in retrospect, she realized that there had been other people in the room, vague presences at the edges of her awareness. She had probably known most of them; some might have even been her friends, but they didn’t matter. Nothing had mattered but…the attack vector.

Again in retrospect, she was profoundly grateful that the only weapon she had used was her tongue. She felt a moment’s amusement. She sure had used it a _lot_, though. If they gave out Black Belts in Advanced Tongue-Lashing, she had surely qualified. Her technique _had_ been pretty advanced, too. She had always been good with words, any words, and she felt a guilty certainty that she had really outdone herself today. By the time she got around to describing her sexual exploits with Hibiki she had been in fine form indeed, if in an extremely vulgar way.

She realized suddenly that she had seriously invaded _his_ privacy by broadcasting the details of their sex life to all and sundry, and without notice or permission, too. She’d have to apologize. At the time, her only thought had been the attack, to shock and hurt and humiliate her opponent. Collateral damage had not been a concern.

Hibiki. She was intensely relieved that he didn’t seem to be too upset with her. Well, she hadn’t actually _hurt_ anybody, although there might be a few cases of flash-burned ears turning up in Duelo’s medical bay. It was really, really good to have him here, even just for a while. She’d never had anybody she could…trust like this. She considered that. She really did trust him. She would trust him with her life, and she trusted him with her heart. She could tell him her secrets, if she had any. She could turn to him for comfort, like now. And this — this felt even more intimate than those other times they had spent in each other’s arms.

After a timeless time, they both ran down. Big sobs became smaller ones, gave way to whimpers, and finally they just sat there, breathing slowly.

She didn’t want to move. She didn’t want to speak. She wanted this precious, fragile moment to last forever.

It couldn’t, of course. Hibiki broke the spell. “We, um, we have to talk about, well, everything. All three of us.”

She didn’t answer.

“Barnette?”

She forced herself to speak. “Hibiki. There’s something…I have to talk about. Now. Before I get…before I can’t. It’s breaking inside me!”

Her tears started running again. _I can do this. I can. I can trust him with this. I just have to get started._

His concern increased. “Of course you can tell me. What is it?”

He had never seen her like this. She was always tough. Things didn’t get to her. Whatever she was struggling with, it had to be huge.

He gave her a little half-smile. “Tell me everything.”

That did it. She felt the dam burst inside her. She looked up at him. “You know I was there, in the battle today. I watched you trying to take on that awful ship, and I saw when it blew you apart. Something was wrong with your Vanguard—“

An ironic chuckle. “Almost everything was wrong with my Vanguard. About the only thing still working was the arms and legs.”

“The comm?”

He grimaced. “Kaput. Nothing but weird noises.”

“I tried to call you. You didn’t answer and I felt so…”

“I wanted to talk to you, too. I could see it coming—”

“They took aim at you—“

“They matched my course and speed.”

They looked at each other for a few seconds and Barnette whispered, “I watched you die.”

“I thought it was the end, but then it didn’t. End, I mean. I started to wonder why, and then I felt a VanDread forming around me, and I thought Meia was back…”

He took a second to compose himself. “Of course it wasn’t Meia. She must have been right behind me, but the scanner was kaput too. I didn’t know until—”

He broke off as the tormented look on Barnette’s face registered.

“I watched you die,” she repeated.

He tried a reassuring smile. “But, I wasn’t—“

“No! What I found out later doesn’t matter. I saw you die. In that moment, I _knew_ you were dead. I was too far away, too slow. I couldn’t help you, and that thing killed you.”

He held her tighter. “But it’s all right now. I’m here.”

Barnette thumped her head against his chest. “Shut. Up. Let me tell you this. I _need_ to tell it.”

“Okay…”

“I _knew_ you were dead. And I was going to die, too. I was headed for that ship, too fast. They would have…got me.”

She swallowed painfully. “And not just me. Everybody was going to die. Every last one of us. It would have gone after the Nirvana next, and then all the Dreads and Vanguards would be just a matter of time. VanDread Jura was our only hope left of stopping it, and that hope died with you. I saw the end of everything that matters to me.”

When she didn’t continue, he dared to say, “But…it didn’t happen. We blew that ship straight to Hell.“

She squeezed him tight. “I know, but until then, I _felt_ it. It wouldn’t matter if it was only a second. You can’t _un-feel_ something like that. It’s a part of you, forever. You have to deal with it.”

He held her, and didn’t have a response. When she continued, her voice was flat and impassive.

“I wasn’t going to let that happen. I headed straight at that ship, and set all the missiles to detonate in the launchers, programmed the plasma cannons to punch a hole in its shields for me, and ran the reactor up to five hundred percent. I was going to die anyway, but maybe that way I could at least give everybody else a chance. I could pay them back for what they did to you. I think it would have worked.”

Hibiki was shocked, and speechless. Everything she said made perfect sense, but how many people would be able to actually do it? Could he? He wasn’t sure.

Dita would. The thought came from nowhere, but he was instantly certain. To save the Nirvana, and all her friends — she would have done the same thing.

No wonder Barnette was under strain. No wonder she was lashing out. That load would break a lot of people. He had thought she was strong before, but he hadn’t known what strong was.

And she had brought her burden to him, for help. “What can I do for you?”

Now her voice sounded half-strangled. “Just…hold me…”

“Let it out, Barnette,” he said soothingly. “Don’t hold it back.” He repeated her own advice from last night back to her, squeezed her a little tighter.

“Oh…Hibiki…” The sobs were starting up again. “When…you were gone…I had…nothing left…I felt…so empty…so alone…”

“You’re not alone, Barnette,” he murmured. “I’m right here. I’m with you.”

Her head bobbed jerkily, and her recalled misery poured out anew, taking him back to that moment, when he bid goodbye to all the people he cared about, and he cried with her some more. He knew she understood, without him saying a word.

Barnette was right, there was no way to _un-feel_ something like facing certain death. Even when it turned out to be not-so-certain after all. Being saved by a miracle after the fact didn’t erase the experience, or diminish the need to deal with what it did to you. He clung to her, taking comfort as much as giving it.

As before, they both wound down eventually. Again, he was the first to speak. “Better?”

She rubbed her cheek against his chest. “Mmm-hmm. Lots. I feel…lighter.” She chuckled softly.

So did he. “Lighter.”

“Mmmmm.” She squeezed him again, reveling in the closeness.

“I’m glad I can help.”

“You really did.”

“You’re helping me, too,” he whispered.

“Good…”

“You know the worst part?” he asked presently. “Leaving you behind. Leaving _everybody_ behind. Knowing I’d never see you, see any of the people I care about, ever again. I couldn’t even say good-bye.”

“Watch it, you’ll get me started again.”

“That’s all right. I’m here.”

“Hmmmm…”

They held each other a while longer. She seemed to have calmed down, to have reached at least a temporary peace within herself. So had he. They both might need more, later, but for now they were all right.

After a time he repeated, “All three of us have to talk about things.”

“Let me guess,” she said in a resigned tone. “**She** sent you to tell me that.”

“Well, yeah, it’s her idea, but it’s a good one. We have to do something. We can’t just go on like this. It’s getting worse and worse. If this keeps up, we could all get thrown off the ship.”

She made a sour face. “Not all. Just throwing me off would solve the problem.”

“That wouldn’t solve anything. It would just eliminate some of the symptoms.”

“Heh-heh,” she cackled. “Symptoms. Right. Them, we got plenty of. But what’s the disease?”

“I don’t know. I think that’s what we need to talk about.”

She sighed. “When?”

“Tomorrow after lunch, around thirteen-hundred. In my room.”

“Fine,” she said, still resigned. "I’ll be there.”

He looked uncomfortable. “And could you, well, not say any of those things you said this afternoon?”

She looked up at him. “I’m sorry I said those things. I didn’t think about how you’d feel about it. Are people really repeating them?”

He groaned. “Are you kidding? It’s all over the ship. By tomorrow it will be all over the system. By next week it’ll be all over the galaxy!”

That did it. She started laughing helplessly.

“Dammit, it ain’t funny!” he protested, but she couldn’t stop. Finally even he joined in.

Then she gasped out, “When they hear about this back on Earth, they’ll send out an entire Harvest Fleet just for you!” and they both howled.

Eventually, that ran down too. Hibiki looked at his shirt. “We’re soaked. I never knew two people could cry that much.”

Barnette chuckled. “Actually, it’s not the water on the _outside_ that’s bothering me right now. Let me up.”

They unwound, she got up and walked to the door. “I’ll be right back.”

* * *

The door opened, and Barnette stepped back inside. She turned the lights up to half before shutting the door. She looked much better in normal lighting. Too good. She was carrying her damp blouse, her lacy black bra left little to the imagination, and memory filled in the details. Her face was cleaned of tear-stains, and slightly flushed. Alarms went off in the back of his head; he’d seen that look before. He was on probation. This would definitely qualify as ‘letting Dita down’. Time to go.

He stood. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She dropped her blouse, moved in front of him, and unfastened her shorts as she asked, “So, how _do_ you remember it, lover?”

Her voice was the one she’d used last night, and it sent a thrill up his spine. He was unable to suppress the memory of her body under his hands, strong yet soft, the taste of her lips, her tongue, her breasts, with strawberries…the tightness in his pants. _Damn it!_ She was doing fine all by herself; she didn’t need an ally on his own crew. _Mutiny! **Treason!**_ She knew what she was doing, too. She was intimately familiar with the differences between men and women now, and she’d seen him respond to her quite a few times. She knew exactly how to ‘get a rise’ out of him — they had laughed themselves silly when they both suddenly understood the origin of that expression.

He tried to side-step around her but she matched him easily. He remembered how good she was at personal combat. Those skills had other uses, too. “Barnette, stop it, please.”

She let her shorts fall, stepped out of them and smiled dreamily. “Really? That’s not how I remember it.” She licked her lips, gazing into his eyes.

Her panties were black and lacy, like the bra. She was still _his_ woman, the most compelling, erotic vision he had ever seen, and he couldn’t take his eyes off her. He forced himself to make another move toward the door and she closed the distance, put her arms around him, pressed her body against his and rocked her hips into him. She kissed him urgently, hungrily, pushing her tongue insistently into his mouth. He was vividly reminded of their mad, half-desperate sex on Saturday night. Today all he felt was desire, but he managed to restrain himself, to stop and pull back a little. He couldn’t speak.

Barnette regarded him intently, breathless, her deep blue eyes alight with want and need. She rubbed her breasts against his chest. “I remember you like these.”

What an understatement! He couldn’t get enough. The memory of them burned in his hands, his lips…other places. He wanted them, wanted _her_, but knew what a disaster it would be if he gave in, even a little.

“I want you, Hibiki. I know you want me…” She thrust her hips into him, grinding herself against his rigid male part, moaning. “I can _feel_ how much you want me…” Her eyes were half-closed, her voice hoarse. “We don’t have to hide any more. We can do anything.” She chuckled sensuously and added, “Anywhere…”

Hibiki tried to twist away, she turned with him and slipped a hand between their bodies. He found his voice. “Please, Barnette, don’t do this.” She was no longer between him and the door. Her only tactical error. He took a long step back, and, although she followed effortlessly, they were almost there. “This is a mistake, and you know it.”

She persisted, “That’s the wrong way, lover. My bed’s over here. Come share it with me again. Last night was so wonderful…”

“_No_, Barnette! Last night was magical and special, but this is _not!_ You _know_ we can’t do this. It would just make the whole situation even worse!”

“Let me guess,” she hissed. “**She** told you that too.”

In a way, she had, but, “She didn’t have to. I shouldn’t have to tell you, either!”

Barnette moaned again and slid her hand down his belly, gripped his man-part through his pants and stroked it, unrelenting, demanding, breathing hard and pulling him away from the door. He was barely able to resist her now; if she succeeded in dragging him back to her bed…

Time for desperate measures. “How would _you_ feel if I was doing this with Dita?”

That stopped her. She released him and recoiled, an ugly expression forming on her face. She whirled around, facing away. “Get out. Get out!”

He stumbled to the door, opened it. “We’ve got to have that talk.”

**“GET OUT!!”**

He got.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Barnette **was** expecting the Spanish Inquisition!


	21. Accusations

As Hibiki walked uncomfortably back to his room, he suspected that Dita’s indirect warning had saved…everything. He’d like to think that he would have figured it out on his own, but he had a nagging suspicion that it might not have been in time. He’d come closer than he wanted to admit to… He shuddered at what they had all so narrowly avoided. Barnette might not realize it, but she was playing with plasma. He didn’t see any way any of them could have gotten out of the resulting nova unburnt. She had obviously only considered the effect on Dita, without taking into account the effect that would have on him, the repercussions for her — it would have been a hot time all around.

Of course, now Barnette was the nova — or, maybe, a plasma cannon, searching for a target — and she was so pissed at him that even seeing him would set her off. He’d draw her fire, if he thought that might reduce her chamber pressure, but it would probably just raise her injector temperature and make her even more dangerous… gahhh. She was Barnette, far more complex than a stupid weapon system he could rebuild in his sleep. He had no idea how to fix her.

He considered the possibility that she would directly, physically attack Dita. Of course she’d have to violate Commander Calessa’s house-arrest order, and he hoped she would see that was the one thing that _would_ turn him against her, but people sometimes did unbelievably stupid things when they were blinded by rage and jealousy. What could he do about it? Have a guard posted? ‘You see, Commander, Barnette tried to have sex with me, I said no, and now I’m afraid she’s going to hunt Dita down and kill her.’ Probably not his brightest idea. He really couldn’t bring this to the official attention of anybody higher in the ship’s command. Watch her quarters himself? If she caught him doing that…no. Jura wasn’t speaking to her, and probably wouldn’t for weeks. She had to have heard more versions of the fight with Dita than anybody else, and each one had hurt her. Meia was out on patrol, and wouldn’t be back for almost two hours.

It would probably be best to give her some time to settle down and come to her senses. If she cooled off, maybe he could crawl on his belly to her and apologize. He’d do it, too, because he really did feel awful about what he’d had to do to her. Hard as it had been for him, it had to be absolutely humiliating for her. In the meantime, he should stay close to Dita, and keep an eye out for Barnette, just in case.

Dita and Hibiki managed to grab a quick supper just before they closed the mess — another naval term of uncertain origin. None of the few stragglers still there talked to them, but they got a lot of funny looks. It was kind of a relief to return to his room. Dita decided to sort through her boxes and he figured it was time to finally make some effort to clean up the place. There was still a certain strain between them. From time to time one of them would say something, sometimes the other would reply, but it always ran down without developing into a real conversation. If this was probation, Hibiki never wanted any part of it ever again. It still felt good to be with her, even to this limited extent, and if she didn’t want to be here there were other places she could go. It looked like she was right; they would both just have to work their way through this somehow.

* * *

Barnette was still seething. Almost an hour after that, that **_man_** she’d given her heart to rejected her, pushed her away, slapped her in the face with **that bitch’s** name and walked out on her—

_He’s gone back to **her**. They’re both laughing at me now, aren’t they?_ She growled her rage and frustration. _Well, why not? I made a fool of myself, and then he made a fool of me all over again. Everybody will be laughing at me._

She clenched her fists, but found no satisfactory targets. _I hate them! I hate them both, and I’ll find a way to make them **pay!**_

Her vision blurred, but there were no tears in her eyes and it cleared in seconds, leaving her confused and disoriented. She wasn’t in her room any more.

She was in some nowhere place seeing Hibiki and **her**, standing in front of his Vanguard, wrapped in each other’s arms, surrounded by a crowd but alone, off in their own little universe. She saw a profusion of images, quick, jerky clips of them clasping each other on the overlook platform; walking through the ship, smiling, hand-in-hand; sitting with a group of women in the mess, holding hands on the table; going into his room; sitting on his bunk with their arms around each other; kissing with wild abandon; frantically pulling their clothing off. The scene settled on them having sex in his bunk, a torrent of red hair spilling over the side. **She** turned and looked right at her with a smug, satisfied, knowing smile that said as clearly as words, _He’s mine. He’s always been mine. He doesn’t need you any more, so fuck off, bitch!_ **She** gave all her attention back to Hibiki and it seemed that she had no head to turn, no eyes to close, no way not to watch as they both had vigorous, noisy orgasms. Her former lover looked her way disdainfully, then bent down and kissed **her** with the same passion she remembered from last night…

“Sucks to be you, don’t it?”

She was back in her own room with a voice, that same voice she’d heard at the target range, mocking her, sniggering in her ears. Or in her head, but what difference did it make?

“Go to hell!” She could at least speak normally now. It wasn’t doing whatever it had done to freeze time the first time she’d heard it. She wasn’t sure which she hated more at the moment, **him**, **her**, or that damned voice.

“Looks to me like you’re already there, toots,” it said, amused. “So what’cha gonna do about it? Besides sit in your room and stew?”

“What’s it to you?” she grated out. “You don’t care about me or anybody.”

“Waaall, ain’t you the smart one,” it congratulated her. “You’re right, I don’t give a rat’s ass, but I got a problem that’s the same as your problem. You help me deal with it and we can both get what we want.”

“What problem would that be?” she asked warily.

“Your least favorite red-haired bitch, of course,” it retorted condescendingly. “We both want her out of the picture. We should help each other out.”

“Why me? Why don’t you just do it yourself?”

“There’s reasons,” it said evasively.

“Reasons.” Her voice was absolutely flat and uninviting.

“It’s complicated.”

“I seem to have plenty of time.”

It sniggered again. “Not if you want to get ‘im back.”

“Who says I want that asshole back?” she snapped.

“I dunno, the way you were dry-humpin’ ‘im a while ago kinda gave me that impression.” It still sounded vastly amused. “Sweet outfit by the way, I wouldn’t mind seein’ that one again.”

“Fuck off!” she snarled.

“Fine way to treat somebody trying to help you.”

“I thought _you_ wanted _my_ help,” she said . “Although I can’t imagine why. All the things you can do, and you can’t deal with one flighty goofy girl?”

“It ain’t that simple.” The voice sounded surly now.

“You tried,” she said with sudden certainty. “You already tried, and failed. How did that happen?”

“I told you, it’s complicated,” the voice growled resentfully. “For you, it wouldn’t be.”

“I’m not buying it. You’re hiding something.” She was still certain. “You’re hiding a _lot_. Even if you told me, how could I believe you? No, you can just leave me the hell out of it.”

“And you’ll do, what?” it asked derisively. “Call ‘er names? Your little blowup in the loo was a real hoot, but insults ain’t gonna get rid of ‘er. You gotta step it up.”

“Don’t tell me what I have to do!” she growled harshly. “Just leave me the fuck alone!”

“Still wastin’ my time, I see. You ain’t got what it takes.” It laughed at her. “Have fun watching that wench and your **ex**-boyfriend fuck each other’s brains out. I’ll be sure to show you the highlights!”

It was gone before she decided whether she wanted to reply or not, leaving her madder than ever.

* * *

Hibiki finished his cleanup by placing the worn, but still functional alien-head pillow Dita had made for him at the head of his bunk. He was contemplating having her pose for a new picture when she stormed in.

“**Hibiki!!** How _could_ you!?”

What the— She’d been fine when she left for the head a few minutes ago.

“How could I what? What’s wrong?”

Dita lunged forward and slapped him, hard. “You fucking **know** what’s wrong! Why did you do it?”

She raised her hand again, and he raised his. She flinched, but he only put up a block.

“Do what? Dita, could you pretend I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about and start at the beginning? What is it?”

She was breathing hard and the look on her face was murderous. “I wondered what took you so long. Why you were ‘talking’ to her for over an hour.” Her eyes started to fill with tears.

The bottom dropped out of his stomach. She thought he’d been screwing Barnette. Oh, shit.

He lowered his hand. Suddenly, he didn’t care if she slapped him a hundred times. “I didn’t. I wouldn’t. Dita. Listen to me. **LISTEN!!**”

She glared at him, but the murderous look faded to, maybe, only a hacking-a-few-limbs-off look.

“Dita. Do you actually believe I could do that to you and then come back here and face you and pretend nothing was wrong? That I could be here with that kind of guilt gnawing at me and act **NORMAL!?**”

Her glare had been slowly fading; now it was down to about sticking-pins-in.

He stiffened his back, raised his head, and looked straight into her eyes. “Dita. I give you my word — the only one I have — that I have not had sex with Barnette Orangello since you came back to us. I don’t have any proof. I don’t have any witnesses. You have to decide whether you believe me or not.”

She still looked suspicious, but also confused. Tears were running down her face.

He relaxed to a more normal posture. “Why do you think I did?” he asked gently.

“Everybody says so.” She sniffled.

He went to the now neatly organized bedside table, got a small cloth, and handed it to her. He mused, “I doubt it’s really everybody, but more than one or two. Are you sure they’re not just repeating all those things from earlier? That must have run six times around the ship by now, and started to mutate.”

She lowered the cloth and shook her head. “No, they said it was today.”

He had a sinking feeling again. “Dita, would you please stay here while I go try to find out where those new rumors are coming from? And don’t convict me yet? Or at least, delay the execution?”

That actually won him a small, soggy smile.

It took a while. At first, nobody wanted to help because of ‘what he had done to Dita’. Most were openly hostile to him. He couldn’t find a single person who wasn’t talking about the new gossip and Dita’s agonized reaction to it; she was right, ‘everybody’ really was saying it. They glared accusingly at him while describing her progression to the wounded rage he’d seen. He felt guilty even though he knew it wasn’t his fault.

After he had repeated his denial often and emphatically enough to convince a few people, they started to make progress. When Meia returned from her patrol, she believed him immediately, and the investigation shifted into high gear. It remained only to establish who had heard what, from who, and when. The trail led back, finally, to three women who’d been in the head when Barnette used it after supper.

He found Dita curled up on his bunk, looking miserable. He suspected he didn’t look much better. She looked up at him. “Did you find out?”

“Barnette. I have to go have a few choice words with her.”

* * *

She was ready for a fight. She knew Hibiki would be here sooner or later, and she’d left her door open so she could get right to it. She decided to let him fire the first shot, then blast him to bits. If it got physical, well, she was one of the best fighters aboard — although he’d gotten pretty good too, before he lost interest in that along with almost everything else. She decided she didn’t care. And there he was. He seemed to be walking more slowly than she would have expected, but that didn’t matter. She took one step out of her room, and prepared herself. But his first shot was nothing she could have anticipated.

“Why, Barnette? What were you _**thinking?”**_

It wasn’t the words, it was the look on his face that stopped her for a moment. Not the self-righteous fury she expected, but…stricken was the only thing she could think of. And the big red hand-print. That must have been some scene, she thought maliciously; she regretted missing it. Maybe her phantom visitor could show her, later. Right now though, that innocent act was really pissing her off.

“The fuck you mean, **_why?_** You **_know_** why!”

He looked even more confused, and hurt. He shook his head. “No, I don’t. I don’t have a clue why you’d lie about us having sex!”

She aimed her sweetly vicious reply like Jura’s rapier. “Think about it, _**lover**_. Think **_hard!_** I’m sure it’ll come to you!”

His wounded/innocent act didn’t change. “I still don’t know what you’re talking about. Come on, Barnette, stop playing games and tell me what you mean.”

**_“Games?!”_** she spat. For a few seconds she sputtered inarticulately, too enraged to form words. “Asshole! **Shithead!** You fucked **her!** What, you thought I wouldn’t find out, or wouldn’t give a shit?!”

**_“What?!”_** Hibiki looked shocked, and outraged. “**NO!** I did not!”

“Don’t **_lie_** to me!” she screeched, “I **_saw_** you!”

He stood there dumbfounded, with his mouth open, for several seconds before he could find any words. _What the **fuck?** Why does everybody think I’ve been having sex all day? Next thing you know, they’ll accuse me of having sex with Jura! Or Meia! Or **both!**_

He finally got his brain reconnected to his mouth. “**Bullshit!** How could you see something that **_never happened?!_** Dita and I didn’t have sex! We talked, we argued, we apologized, and **_that’s all!_** No sex! Not even a kiss!”

Completely beyond words now, she screamed with rage, charged him and struck out madly, wanting to _beat_ him into admitting what he’d done to her, but she was out of control, without coordination or technique, and he was able to block almost everything. He continued trying to reason with her.

“Stop it, Barnette, please! Listen to me! I don’t know what— uhff!“ he grunted as she got a solid punch in his stomach and finished with a wheeze, “—you think you saw but you’re wrong!”

Her eyes filled with tears until she could barely see his blurry outline. “**_Liar!_** I **_saw_** you, fucking **her** and _laughing_ at me!” Most of her blind swings weren’t connecting, and he didn’t bother blocking them. He picked his moment, lunged forward and wrapped his arms around her. She screamed again and beat her fists against his back. “Let go! Let me **go** you fucking lying fuckhead!” Her voice was breaking up into furious sobs.

“I’m not lying to you, Barnette!” He was still trying desperately to reach her. “I suck at lying, remember? The un-poker-face? Stop and think, look at me and see, I’m telling you the truth!”

Something got through to her, some mashed-up combination of his words and her thoughts connected. She stopped pounding on his back, almost stopped breathing, as the shock jolted through her.

_**Why** would he lie?_

_If he’s gone back to **her**, if he doesn’t care about me, **why** would he lie about them having sex? Why would he even bother to come here?_

He had never lied to her before. She felt a sudden, ghastly certainty that he was telling her the truth now, that _her_ accusations were false, that she had wronged him dreadfully, betrayed his trust… She clamped her arms around him and wailed disconsolately. It was all so frightfully clear to her now. That slimy _voice_ had lied to her, tricked her with deceitful visions — _I can make ’em see, or not see, whatever I want_ — played to her fear and hate and jealousy, and she’d fallen for it, believed it without an instant’s hesitation.

_Hibiki is innocent, they both are. **I’m** the guilty one. Oh shit, what have I **done**… He hates me now, he must. He’ll never want to look at me again…_

She felt unclean, contemptible, unfit to be seen, she wanted to crawl into a hole and die. She shoved herself away from Hibiki, staggered through the door she could hardly see, and shut it behind her. She gagged on the lump in her throat, hacked, and finally managed to draw enough breath to choke out a ragged apology. She stumbled to her bed, collapsed on it and felt remorse drag her down.

He saw her face before she turned away, looking like all the life had been drained out of her. He half-expected her to drop to the deck and never move again, couldn’t see how someone who looked so dead inside could do anything else. She lurched through the door and closed it, and awful noises came from the other side followed by, “Oh, Hib-ibi-ki…I’m sor-orr-y, so-o sor-rr-y-y…”

There was a muffled thump, then the most piteous sounds he had ever heard. He longed to go to her, comfort her, tell her that everything would be all right, but he _felt_ that he couldn’t do anything for her, that trying would only compound her suffering. Besides, Dita needed him now.


	22. Things Not Left Unsaid

Dita was still lying on his bunk. “That was quick. I didn’t expect you back for a while.” She seemed to have calmed down a lot more.

“It didn’t take much.” Hibiki walked in and stood beside her. “It hit her pretty hard, too. She’s going through a lot.”

“I’m sorry,” she said severely, “but right now I don’t give a shit.”

“Dita!” he exclaimed, too shocked to say more.

She snorted, amused. “Not what you were expecting? News flash: I’m not the same girl you remember.” He was still at a loss. After a few seconds she added reflectively, “I’m not even the same girl _I_ remember.”

“Uh…no…” he conceded.

She sighed and patted the bunk. “Sit with me?”

“Sure, Dita,” he said, relieved as she reverted to being more like the Dita he had known. He sat, and she sat up and leaned against the wall. He felt a flashback; their positions were almost the same…

“I believe you. It was a lie. A mean, mean lie. I’m so sorry, Hibiki. I shouldn’t have believed it even for a second. And I’m sorry about…” She reached out and touched his cheek.

He smiled. “It’s OK. It didn’t hurt.”

She lowered her head and looked up at him. “Hibiki, I never thought you’d lie to me, but it’s — it’s all over your face!” She smiled.

He chuckled. “It’s really OK. I forgive you. I won’t let a little thing like that get between us. Not now.”

“Me believing it, though…that’s not such a little thing.”

“I forgive you for that, too. It hit you in a really bad place.”

“She’s always been a good shot. And it’s not so easy to forgive myself.”

“That can be harder, yeah.” He slid back and leaned against the wall beside her, put his hand over hers. “So, what would it take? For you to forgive yourself?”

She looked at him, surprised. “I’m not sure. And when did you get so wise?”

He was quiet for a time. “Wise? I don’t know about that. Captain Magno’s wise. Both of them. Gascogne’s wise, and BC. Me, not so much. I’ve just had a lot of time to think about a lot of things. A lot of regrets. And a lot of good people around me. Good friends.”

“Even Barnette?”

He looked at her, but couldn’t read anything in her expression. “This may be hard for you to hear, but she was really good to me. She was _there_ for me, even though I barely noticed. I was beginning to run down. It was so long…there was no sign of you anywhere… I couldn’t give up, but I didn’t know what else I could do. More of the same was starting to seem…futile. I didn’t realize it, but there were times when she kept me from going completely adrift.” He made a sardonic grimace. “So I only went half-adrift.”

One corner of her lips quirked up. “Half-Adrift Hibiki?” There they both ran out of words.

Finally she said, “It’s good that you had somebody. Even her. But the things she’s done…”

“I’m not happy with her myself. But you’re here, now. And I’m here for you.”

She turned toward him, started to put her arms around him. He reached for her. They both did a bit of wiggling and adjustment to find a comfortable position. Slowly, their ease, their comfort with each other, seemed to be coming back.

She sighed. “This feels wonderful.”

“_You’re_ wonderful. That must be why I love you.”

“I love you, Hibiki. And I love to hear you say it.” She was quiet for a few seconds. “In the old days I about had to beg you just to say my name.”

“We all know I was kind of…”

“Immature? Clueless? A dick?” She giggled, taking most of the sting out.

“Ouch.” He didn’t know what her last words meant, but he was sure they weren’t a compliment. “But, I can’t deny it. I made a lot of mistakes I wish I could undo. Like not doing this when I had the chance.”

“Mmmm.”

Neither of them felt a need to say anything for a while.

“So, what _did_ you spend an hour doing with her?”

“_Not_ having sex!”

“Then, what?” she insisted.

“Dita…I can’t tell you everything,” he said carefully. “That would violate her privacy, and she trusts me not to. That’s not about her, it’s about me, and keeping my word, no matter who I gave it to. Do you understand?”

She thought about that. “You’re right. If you showed me that she can’t trust you, how could I? Okay, give. Tell me what you can.”

“Well, we discussed her fight with you. I passed on the invitation to our meeting tomorrow. We talked about some things that happened in the battle. And, we had a good laugh.”

“About what? I could use a good laugh.”

“That fight you had. The, um, inventive things she said. Everybody’s talking about it, and I mean _everybody_. They’re calling it ‘The Barnette Incident’. I said, it’s all over the ship, tomorrow it will be all over the system, and next week it’ll be all over the galaxy. Then she started laughing…”

Dita started laughing.

“…and I said it wasn’t funny, damn it…”

She laughed harder.

“…and finally I saw that it kind of _was_ funny, and started laughing too, and then she said, when they heard about it on Earth they’d send out a whole harvest fleet just to get me.”

Dita kept laughing. He joined in. It went on for a while.

She rubbed her eyes. “Thank you, Hibiki. For telling me. And the laugh. That felt really good.”

He hesitated. He didn’t want to do this, but he had learned the hard way. The harder it was to say something, the more important it was to say it. “There’s one more thing.”

She leaned back slightly, looking at his face. “Something tells me it’s a big thing.”

He nodded. “This is…something she wouldn’t want me to say, but you need to know, and she betrayed _my_ trust when she did it. She wanted to have sex. She tried. She was…pretty insistent. I barely got out.”

She looked at him in shock. At ‘sex’ she felt a hollow sense of panic in her chest. It grew with every word. Her trust in him warred with her fear that she was wrong, that he really had… She couldn’t move. She could barely breathe.

He looked at her, concerned. “Dita? Are you all right?”

She managed to nod. She couldn’t speak, though.

He looked at her for a few more seconds, then continued. “Dita, I want to thank you. For what you said, just before I went to see her. And what you didn’t say. It helped a lot. It helped me…focus on how much it would hurt you if we did that. Actually, that’s how I finally stopped her. I asked her how _she’d_ feel if I was doing that with you.” He added, “It really pissed her off.”

The panic faded. The battle ended. Trust won, decisively. She whispered, “Oh, Hibiki. That’s why…”

He nodded. “She started the rumor. She was pissed at me, she wanted to hurt you, she wanted to break us apart…one little rumor could do it all. It was really good tactics.”

She shivered. “It almost worked. It did work, for a while. I can almost see why she did it.”

Why _had_ she done it? It might have been good tactics, but it was really sucky strategy. She usually took things like that into account. It was like she didn’t have a strategy, like she was striking out blindly, randomly…desperately. She hadn’t been like herself at all recently.

Since Dita got back.

He and Barnette had just been starting to really know each other when Dita was dropped back into their midst. Now Barnette was adrift, and he didn’t know how to rescue her. She feared that he was slipping away from her. No wonder she was desperate. And she didn’t know what to do about it. She’d never trained to fight on this battlefield.

_Oh, Barnette, what am I doing to you?_ He felt a sudden urge to rush to her, take her in his arms and promise her everything would be all right. He couldn’t. He already had a woman in his arms, and he was determined to make everything all right for her. He couldn’t be two places at once. _Maybe I should have myself cloned_. The hoary old Taraak joke almost made him groan out loud. He couldn’t foist a counterfeit copy of himself off on Barnette, or Dita either, not to mention how _he’d_ feel about the situation.

He felt helpless. He suddenly understood people’s need for ‘praying’. They had encountered a number of religions during their travels, and now he wondered if praying actually did any good. It seemed unlikely, but he got the appeal. When events were out of your control, when there was nothing you could do to affect things that affected you, you could feel an overwhelming need to do _something_, even if it was useless. And if you could make yourself believe it _wasn’t_ useless…he understood a lot more about religion.

Maybe he should try praying. It couldn’t hurt.

_Oh, Dita, please find us an answer. Oh, Barnette, please be willing to accept it. Oh, universe, if there is anything out there that can hear me, and gives a shit, please let these two wonderful, beautiful, marvelous ladies I love more than my own life be happy._

He actually did feel a little better. That was worth something, even if the prayer itself wasn’t.

After a while she said, very softly, “Tell me about your first time together.”

“Dita, that’s—“

Her voice was still soft, but insistent. “Tell me, Hibiki. I want— I _need_ to hear it from you, in your own words. I need you to do this for me.”

He hesitated, then squeezed her tight for a second. “Of course, Dita. I said I’d do anything. This just isn’t what I expected.”

Hibiki thought for a few seconds. “I was standing in the observation deck, looking at all those damn stars and wondering where you were among them. How much longer it would take to find you. Why I never found any trace, any clue, _anything_ to even tell me where to look.”

He paused again. “Barnette came in, and stood beside me. Just stood there, looking at the stars too, and I…didn’t feel so alone. She’d been doing things like that for a while, just being near me, saying a few words, asking if I needed anything. Not that I really noticed. That night she asked if there was any news, and I had to say no, and she told me it had been three years, and all the reasons it was useless to go on…”

He swallowed, and cleared his throat. “She asked why I wouldn’t talk to her, said I needed to talk to somebody, anybody…she looked at me, like she was trying to reach me from a long ways away…and then she turned and held me. Like you did, in the Vanguard bay, and it felt so _good_…but I felt guilty, too…”

“I don’t know how long it was. Then she looked at me, and said I didn’t have to be alone any more, and…she kissed me…and it really felt great, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and felt more guilty, and pulled back…” He remembered his conflicted feelings . “And she got awful mad, and said some day I’d have to accept that you were gone, and you weren’t ever coming back, so why not then.”

He stopped again, for several breaths. “I pushed her away, and ran out of the room, and she fell on her ass.”

Dita couldn’t help herself. She giggled, just a little. “Sorry.”

“S’okay.” He felt bad about it now, but hadn’t given the matter any thought at the time. “I went to my room, and got in bed, but I couldn’t sleep. All I could think about was, what if she was right? What if, if it was all a waste? If it was too late, always had been too late, if you really were g-gone forever, if I’d only been chasing a ghost the whole time…” It had been hard to start, but now he couldn’t stop. He had needed to talk about this, to tell someone, anyone. Telling it to Dita while holding her felt so, so right.

“Barnette came in, and sat on the bunk. I told her to leave, but she wouldn’t. She said she couldn’t leave me like that, and she was sorry for what she said, and she…she started crying. I never saw her cry before. I never really saw _her_ before, never saw anybody. I missed you so much. I hardly thought about anybody else. I could only think about finding another way to look for you, something I’d missed, anything. I never saw how lonely she was, too.”

He held her tighter. “I was treating her like I used to treat you. I was pushing her away, rejecting her, not letting her get close. I was making all the same stupid mistakes all over again.”

“She told me that she and Jura aren’t right for each other. That she was never really attracted to women, she’d just always been told she was supposed to be. That seeing Duelo, and Bart, and me got her to feeling things she didn’t expect, things it took her a long time to accept.”

He hung his head in regret. “Like I didn’t accept you, until it was too late.”

Dita smiled, and squeezed him a little tighter. After a short time he was able to go on.

“She said men and women belong together, and she and I belonged together. She said it was right to go on searching for you, but that couldn’t be my whole life. There had to be more. She asked, if you would want me to be alone, or if you’d want someone to be there for me, and then she said…she was there for me.”

“She kissed me again, and suddenly it was different. I saw her then, really _saw_ her for the first time, saw how much she cared, how she was trying to be there for me all along if only I would let her, how much it hurt her to watch me go on, looking, looking, never finding…and I needed her, wanted her, wanted…to feel alive again, just for a little while.”

He clung to her desperately, as if something would come and try to snatch her away at any second.

“We kissed, and then we—“

She put her finger on his lips. “She told me all the rest. You told me what I really needed to know. What you felt, what it meant to you. She told me what you did. I needed you to tell me why.”

He hesitated, then, “Dita? I’m sorry, so terribly sorry for the way I treated you. You were so good to me, and I was such a, an ass to you. I hurt you so many times. I know I made you cry, more than once. I even felt bad about it, but I couldn’t make myself do the right thing. How could you ever stand me, back then?”

She chuckled. “I’d never seen a man before. I guess I just didn’t know any better.” Then she sobered. “Sorry. You need a real answer. First, I accept your apology, and I forgive you. Neither one of us knew any better. We didn’t know what we were doing, how men and women — actually, boys and girls, we were that young — were supposed to act with each other. We’d never even seen it before.”

“You were a lot better than me. I should have at least been nice to you.”

“If you had, I would have wondered who you were, and what happened to the real Hibiki.”

That forced a short laugh out of him. “_This_ real Hibiki _is_ going to be nice to you. If I forget, if I hurt you, tell me. Don’t let me go back, let _us_ go back…to that.”

“I don’t think you will. You changed a lot, while I was gone.”

“Three years of regrets can make you really look at yourself, and not like what you see.” He paused. “It almost wasn’t enough. I almost went back to pushing you away again. It was hard, really hard, to say I love you, that first time.”

“It seems to be getting easier.”

He grinned. “Well, nothing bad happened after the first time. Mostly good things. Positive reinforcement.” The grin faded. “I made so many mistakes. Now I’ve — _we’ve_ got another chance, and I’m going to make sure we don’t regret anything.”

“You _are_ getting better at saying the right things.”

There was one more thing he had to do. He gathered his resolve. “Dita, I’m sorry you were captured by the enemy. I’m sorry I let them take you. It’s all my fault.”

She leaned back and looked into his eyes. “How could _that_ be your fault?”

He swallowed. “Don’t you remember? You tried to talk to me about…love, and…and everything, and I…didn’t want to listen. I stayed away from you, and then they took you. You were taken, could have been k-killed, because I wasn’t there for you when you needed me!”

After several months, when it became clear that their “experiment” wasn’t failing, but becoming a slow ongoing integration of men and women, old records had been consulted, as well as the Firsts. Information about the basics of romance and sex between men and women had been made available to anybody who was interested, and Dita certainly was. She had studied it all carefully, thought about it at length, and then brought the subject up with Hibiki in the hope that it would bring them closer together.

It backfired, badly. Hibiki had practically exploded with what she now recognized as an attack of extreme self-conscious embarrassment and avoided her for weeks. For a while, his favorite configuration had been VanDread Jura, simply because nobody sat on anybody’s lap. He’d been starting to come around, starting to accept those unfamiliar, confusing feelings and then…she was gone.

She looked confused. “That wasn’t your fault. How could it be your fault? Nobody knew what the enemy was up to, that’s part of them being the enemy.”

“I should have been there. I should have protected you, instead of pushing you away again.”

“You really feel guilty about it, don’t you?” She thought for a few seconds, then gave him a _big_ smile. “I never blamed you, but since you feel bad about it, I forgive you. I’m here, everything’s all right, and we just have a few little problems to work out.”

He couldn’t let it go. “I still should have been there. I shouldn’t have left you out there all alone.”

“You think they couldn’t have gotten to me if we’d been in our VanDread? Maybe that’s true. But when my memories came back, I got the impression that they’d been trying to grab one of us for some time. They just would have waited for another chance. Or would you really prefer they had taken Jura, or Meia? Would you let them have one of our friends, just as long as they didn’t take me?”

“No! I—“ He shook his head. “Dita! Don’t ask me things like that!”

“You can’t protect everybody, all the time. If they had taken, say, Meia, would you have looked as hard as you did for me? Or just let it go?”

“Of course not! She’s my friend! I would have searched, and searched, and never stopped.” He paused. “Maybe it wouldn’t have hurt as much. But I don’t know.”

“I remember that battle now. We _needed_ VanDread Jura. They came at us out of nowhere and struck at you, _twice!_ If you and Jura hadn’t stopped those attacks, we would have lost the Nirvana. Would it be worth it? To save me, and lose everybody else? All our friends, all the people we love, dead. Just you, and me, and everything else we care about gone. It wouldn’t have been worth it to _me_.”

“Dita! Stop!”

“If I had known I would be taken, even killed, I would have done it, to save everybody else. And you would have to let me.”

“Please, Dita…”

“Hibiki, we’re at war. Those are the choices a soldier might have to make at any time.”

He buried his face in her shoulder. “Dita…I can’t. I can’t do it.” She was right, he thought. One life for hundreds, that should be an easy decision to make. Why did he find it so impossible? Why was it so hard to think about letting one person die, one who would do it willingly, to save everybody? Because she was Dita, and he loved her? No, it would be just as impossible to lose somebody else. He’d felt it; every one was like losing Dita again.

“You might have to.”

He didn’t answer, just shook his head against her.

Suddenly she understood. In a wondering voice, she said, “You’re not a soldier, are you? You never were. You can’t sacrifice anybody, except yourself. You have to save everybody, or die trying. Dear Hibiki. My very own hero.”

His voice was muffled. “No. ‘M not a hero. ‘M just…me.”

There were tears in her eyes now. “Would you send Jura into battle, knowing she would die, to save the Nirvana? To save our friends, to save me? If it was the only way? Would you send Barnette? Would it be easier to send one of the new pilots, one you barely know?”

He couldn’t answer. He tightened his arms around her, and shook his head into her shoulder again.

“Would you fight, alone, against an enemy you knew would destroy you, to save the Nirvana? To save me? I know you would.”

He didn’t say anything, but she had given him the answer. His life was his own, to do with as he chose. He couldn’t make that choice for somebody else. He didn’t have the right. He couldn’t stand by and watch somebody die, either. He didn’t have a reason, he just couldn’t.

She raised her hand and stroked the back of his head. “It’s all right, Hibiki. I understand. We need soldiers, but we need heroes even more. We need people who can’t be cold and logical about the horror of war, to keep us human. Who value every life, every friend, and can’t trade one for another. We need you — _I_ need you to be just who you are. Even if you don’t think you’re a hero.”

She saw their situation from a new perspective now, too. Hibiki, and her, and Barnette. He couldn’t sacrifice somebody else, only himself — but there was no sacrifice he could make that would solve their problems. He couldn’t sacrifice her happiness — or Barnette’s, for her. He had to save both of them. He had to make them both happy.

There was one way. An answer that had been right in front of her all along, but she hadn’t wanted to see it. She would probably have run across it tomorrow in the ship’s old records, but now she knew what to look for. There might even be other answers, but she couldn’t think of any.

“Don’t blame yourself, and don’t feel guilty. It’s all right. I’m here, and I love you, and I’ll never go away again.”

“Love you, Dita,” he mumbled. He thought about what she had just said. Trading one life for another, even more than one…she was right. He just couldn’t do it. He could barely think about it. He didn’t think that made him a hero, though.

He savored the sensation of holding Dita in his arms. He could have done this so long ago, and it would have made her so happy…she was right. He _had_ been clueless. And a dick, whatever that meant, and a lot of other things. Regrets. He could fill half a star system with regrets, enough to last a lifetime, and then some. He was more determined than ever not to add to them.

After a time he lifted his head and took a deep breath. He felt a lot better. Maybe he had needed her to forgive him, before he could forgive himself. She had told him not to feel guilty. Time to follow orders.

Dita felt him move, and seemed to sense that his mood had lightened. “Hibiki? Why weren’t you mad at me? I believed those lies, I slapped you…”

He thought about it. “All I could feel was panic. I guess I didn’t have any room for mad. All I could think about was how to prove to you that it wasn’t true.”

“That’s not how it’s supposed to work,” she said, troubled. “You’re not supposed to prove you’re innocent, I have to prove you’re guilty. I didn’t even try. I convicted you instantly.”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t completely innocent. If I’d told you about Barnette and me, told you everything, when I should have, maybe it wouldn’t have been so easy for you to believe that rumor.”

She shifted slightly. “Hibiki? I think — I think I’ve forgiven you. For waiting to tell me. I don’t feel it any more.”

He grinned. “Maybe you should have slapped me earlier.”

She chuckled. “Maybe. You probably deserved it.”

Her smile faded to a very sober expression. “But, we can’t just slap each other when something’s wrong. It doesn’t help. I knew a pairing…they were miserable, but they just couldn’t seem to stop. They suffered for years.”

He looked into her eyes, equally serious. “Dita, I have never wanted to hit you. I’m sure I never will. Or Barnette, even with the things she’s done. You’re right. It wouldn’t help.”

She smiled, and tightened her arms. “Good. I’m glad you’re not like that. I never thought you were.”

They were quiet for a while.

“Dita. I want to sit here like this forever, but I need to go talk to Barnette again. She said she’s sorry. I want to go accept her apology. I can’t just leave her hanging. And I have to try to make sure she’ll come to our talk tomorrow.”


	23. Three Words

There was only silence. He tapped on her door. “Barnette?”

No answer. Well, he hadn’t expected one.

“I hope you can hear me, Barnette. I accept your apology. I forgive you, Barnette. I forgive you completely. We still have to talk. Tomorrow, after lunch, in my room. Please be there. For me, Barnette. If it’s the last thing you ever do for me, please, please be there. I’ll be waiting for you.”

There was still no reply.

“Good night, Barnette.” He waited a few more seconds, then walked away.

She heard him. She had held her breath, hanging on every word. Especially three of them. An hour ago, she had felt her life self-destruct. Now, three words gave it back. ‘_I forgive you_.’

She wiped tears from her eyes and whispered, ”Thank you, Hibiki.“ Three words.


	24. Good Night

Dita was lying on his bunk again. “Back already?”

“She didn’t answer. I hope she heard me.” He walked over, sat beside her.

“What did you say?”

“I said I accept her apology, and I forgive her. I asked her, no, practically begged her to come here tomorrow.”

“I’m sure she heard you. If she doesn’t show up, you’ll just have to go get her.”

“I guess so. I hope it does some good. I hope there’s something we can do about this, some way to make it right.”

“I think there might be. I just don’t think Barnette would like it. I don’t know if _I_ like it.” She stuck her tongue out at him. “**You’d** like it just fine, I’m sure. It would shock the leaders of Mejere and Taraak about six times more than we already have.” She chuckled. “That part, I’d count as a bonus.”

He was surprised, and delighted. “You’ve thought of something? What is it?”

“Not telling you. Not yet. Not until I can tell you and Barnette at the same time.” She giggled. “And I get to watch **both** of your expressions!”

“Do you think it’ll work?”

“That mostly depends on her, so I don’t know. We’ll just have to find out tomorrow.” She broke off for a sinfully indulgent yawn. “Aaaah, sorry. This has been a long day for me. I’ve been attacked, rescued, reunited with my dearest love, won a battle, and got screamed at. I’ve argued, fought, and made up with you. Plus, ship time is about eleven hours behind Orcadia time. It’s already tomorrow morning there.”

“If you’re tired, I can go—“

“I’m not going to kick you out of your room. Anyway, I’m not ready to sleep yet. I’d just lie there awake thinking about things.”

“Should we, um…”

“No, we shouldn’t stay in the same room. I don’t think I’d get much sleep with you that close, and neither would you.” She gave him an impish grin. “Everybody would assume we’re making love all night long, even if we don’t, and talking to Barnette tomorrow would be just impossible. So, Lorin said I can use her room, at least until she gets out of sickbay.”

“How is Lieutenant Hadley?” He’d been too busy to look in on their casualties. Tomorrow. He’d visit all of them tomorrow.

“She’s going to be okay,” Dita said with relief. “She got hit with over six hundred rads of gamma so she feels like shit, but they got her to sickbay in plenty of time. She’ll be there for a few days, so I’ve got that long to find another room.” They both understood. A few days in sickbay, then another two to three weeks of convalescence. She’d be off the flight schedules for at least thirty days.

“Wow. You seem to have everything covered.”

She reached out and took his hand. “Have _we_ got everything covered? Is there anything else you need to tell me?”

He started to answer, then stopped and thought, really thought it over. “No, I think we’ve been through all of it. I’ve gotten to be really good friends with Meia, but just friends.”

“I’m glad. Meia is a good friend.”

“Yeah, she is. We’ve got a lot of good friends.” He looked down at her, surprised. “I feel pretty good. You’re back, we’re together, nobody’s attacking us, we’ve only got one problem left and you might have that one solved.” He laughed. “What am I going to do if you leave me with nothing to worry about?”

She smiled a lazy smile. “I think I can find some things for you to do. After tomorrow, anyway.”

“You mean, um…”

She giggled. “Yes, I mean, um. Making love. Sex. What you’ve been up to with Barnette while I was gone. I want you to show me. You will do that for me, won’t you? You said you’d do anything.”

He started to mumble again, then stopped and took a deep breath. “I will try to make you happy, Dita. I’ll do my best for you.”

She gave him a sly grin. “Just me? What about you?”

“Oh, I’ll be happy, believe me. You’ll see.”

“I’ll be looking forward to it. According to Barnette, it’s pretty incredible.”

He smiled. “Well, at least she got that part right. It’s…no, I don’t have the right words. And I don’t really like most of the ones she used. Even though everybody else seems to.”

She grinned back at him. “So I heard. Everybody who’s not actually on patrol or dead asleep is always in the ready room, and if they’re not talking about that, they’re talking about us.”

“Us? Why?”

She looked at him for several seconds, then shook her head. “No. It has to be real. Nobody could _pretend_ to be that clueless. I love you, but sometimes I just don’t know what to do about you.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

She was still giving him a funny look. “I wonder if it’s just you, or if it’s common among men. Hibiki, my dear, dense love, we are the biggest story this ship has seen since I went missing. We’re still the first man and woman to be together in a hundred years, and now we’re back after three years apart. Everybody is talking about us, and waiting impatiently to see what we do next. After all the battles, it must be nice to have some simple, harmless fun. At least there’s no danger of anybody dying.”

He chuckled. “I don’t know. If it’s possible to kill somebody with words, Barnette would be the one to do it. I’m not sure how I feel about being such a, a source of entertainment, though.”

She grinned again. “Maybe you could consider it a kind of, well, public service.”

He broke out laughing. “That’s what Mata said about Barnette, that she deserved some sort of award for, uh, sex education.”

Dita started laughing, too. “I’d like to see _that_ presentation!”

“See it, yeah, but not _hear_ it!”

They laughed for quite a while, then Dita said, “Let me see your face.“

He turned his head around to the right.

She touched her fingers to his cheek. “Good, it’s fading. It should be gone by morning.”

He turned back toward her. “It’s fine. It doesn’t hurt at all.”

“I’m still really sorry I slapped you.”

“If we can’t forgive each other for little things like that, we’ll never survive.” He gave her a derisive look. “Anyway, you hit like a girl.”

She gave him a mock-fierce glare. “If you keep saying things like _that_ to me, I just might hit you like a girl again!”

He cringed back, raising both hands in front of his face protectively. “Aaaak! Have mercy! Crazy lady! They warned us about this on Taraak!”

By this time all the women knew about what the men of Taraak had been told about them, and most had seen those awful propaganda videos, Dita included. She giggled and said menacingly, “So, Mister Alien, what should I do with you? How should I start?”

He shrank away from her even more. “Hey, no, it’s okay, I didn’t mean it! Niiice lady, you don’t want to do anything…”

“We still don’t know how you found out all our secret plans,” she continued in sinister tones, with an evil gleam in her eyes. “But you’ll tell me, **_won’t_** you?”

“No, no, that was all lies, right?” he implored desperately. “And why are you _looking_ at me like that?”

She laughed gleefully. “I’m a pretty good cook, you know. I bet I could make a really tasty meal out of your innards!”

With a panicked cry he snatched up a datapad from the table and held it to his face. “Taraak High Command! Emergency! She’s gonna **cook** me! Scramble a Vanguard squadron! Rescue mission! **HELP!**”

She grabbed at the datapad, but he held it over his head. She tried to swarm up him, laughing, but he was just able to keep it out of her reach. They swayed and fell back, with Dita on top. “Aha! Got you now!” she cried triumphantly.

Without thinking, he reached up and squeezed her breast. She closed her eyes, gasped, put her hand over his. They both froze.

“Oh, no no.” “Sorry, got…carried away.”

Hibiki snatched his hand away. Dita scrambled off him and stood beside the bunk, breathing hard. Her nipples poked up under her borrowed blouse and his eyes were drawn to them, irresistibly. He had seen — and felt — the same thing with Barnette a while ago, and at other times…often just before she said ‘I want you’ or reached for him. Did this mean that Dita was having the same feelings? Was she thinking about sex? He certainly was.

Dita had been worried that after what the man-thing had done to her, she would feel repelled if Hibiki touched her, or kissed her, or…

Now she wasn’t.

The man-thing hated her, had grabbed and groped at her to gratify himself, and degrade her. Hibiki loved her, and touched her to express his love.

There was a universe of difference.

The man-thing had only hurt and disgusted her. Hibiki’s touch aroused delicious sensations she had never felt before. Maybe this was why the man-thing hated her, because there was a part of her that was forever beyond his reach. He could never awaken these feelings. They could not be forced.

She _wanted_ Hibiki to touch her again, _wanted_ to touch him, _wanted_ to feel his hands on her body, _wanted_ them to do all the things she had read about in the Firsts’ records, seen in some of the videos those shallow women on Gunzo watched. She _wanted_ Hibiki, with a deep need that was new to her.

Hibiki sat up, slowly. “Thaaaat’s enough wrestling for tonight.”

She started to get her breathing under control. “Oh, Hibiki. That felt…” She put both hands over her breasts and shivered.

“Yeah, sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

“I need to sit down.” She sat near the head of the bunk facing toward him, and lowered her hands. He was forcibly reminded of his view that afternoon, when her blouse fell open and he saw…

He dragged his gaze to her face, which looked softly pink. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, I’m more than okay.” She was still a bit breathless. “I never felt anything like that before, and it was just one touch. It feels a lot different, when it’s your hand. I wonder what the rest feels like.”

“I can’t tell you. Words are…”

“I see why, now. I could never describe that, to somebody who hasn’t felt it.”

“Well, you’ll know all about it tomorrow. I made you a promise.”

“Grrr. That’s going to be a long wait.”

“Yeah, for me too. I really hope you’ve got a good answer for us.”

She sighed. “I hope so too. I want to get started, sharing my life with you.”

He reached toward her. “Think it would be safe to hold hands?”

“I’m not sure it’s safe to be on the same _ship!”_

“I’ll be good.”

“It’s not _you_ I’m worried about!”

He laughed. “Well, I said no to Barnette. I don’t think you’d be quite as…_relentless_.”

“You walked away from her. It couldn’t have been easy.” She looked at his pants and grinned. “For a lot of reasons.”

His hand fell to the bunk. “Uh, yeah. That’s, um…”

“An autonomic reaction to stimulus and situations,” she recited. “I read all about it, back in the old days, remember?” She pointed, and giggled. “I’d say you’re pretty _stimulated_ right now!”

“Hey, you’re just making it worse!”

She was still giggling. “Like the first time my Dread and your Vanguard combined. Your, ah…”

“Uh, yeah. It was, well, like you said, um, autonomic.”

“I didn’t know anything about men. I thought it was always like that! It would have been kind of embarrassing.” She smiled. “But kind of good, too.”

“Uh, okay. Good, why?”

“It meant you liked me.” She giggled again. “At least, a _certain part_ of you did, anyway!”

He grimaced. “Hey, I didn’t know why that was happening. It was the first time I was ever that close to a girl.”

She laughed. “Second time. First time was when I fell on you.”

“Aw, you can’t count that. I didn’t know _what_ you were until you took off that demon-mask.”

“What did you think?” She looked at him wistfully. “What was the first thing you thought when I took the helmet off, and you saw me?”

He thought about it. “That’s hard to answer. I know about you. I think back now, and I see…you. My Dita. I can’t see you as a stranger anymore.”

She smiled blissfully. “Your Dita. And my Hibiki. Always.”

He smiled back. “Always.”

“Can’t you remember any of it?”

“Well, you didn’t look anything like those monsters they showed us. And you smiled at me. You didn’t look evil. You just looked happy, and…innocent.”

“But you still ran away. Why?”

“It wasn’t so easy to forget all those things they told us. And when I looked at you, when I was near you, there were…feelings. I didn’t know what they were.”

She tilted her head down and looked up at him. “Do I still give you…_feelings?”_ Her voice was low, and exciting. Like Barnette’s voice last night. Did all women know how to do that? And had it really been only one day ago?

“Oh, yeah. Really good ones. I even know what they are now.”

Her voice was still low. “You had _feelings_ this afternoon, didn’t you? I know you saw me.” She licked her lips. “I had _feelings_, too. I _wanted_ you to look at me. I know you were trying to be a gentleman, love, but I was disappointed when you looked away.”

“Dita, I…” He was embarrassed, but he had to be honest with her. “I…wanted to look, but with all those people around…”

“I get it. Usually that would bother me, too, but…this has been a very strange day.” She closed her eyes with a frown, then opened them again and gave him a weak smile. “I’ll tell you about it. I _need_ to tell you about it. But not now.”

He nodded. “It can help. Talking about things…it can really help. I’ll…I’m here for you. Whatever you need. When you’re ready.”

She gave him a much wider smile. “I know. Let’s always be there for each other, no matter what.”

He nodded reassuringly. “Of course we will. No matter what.”

Her expression shifted. She regarded him mischievously. “You liked looking at me. I could tell.”

He grew more embarrassed, and nodded, but couldn’t think of anything to say.

“You’ve seen Barnette, too.” She giggled. “You’ve seen _all_ of Barnette, haven’t you?”

“Uh, yeah…” he managed to get out.

She gave him a sensuous smile, lowered her head slightly, and turned a bit to the side while keeping her eyes on his. “I’ll show you all of _me_, tomorrow.” She used that exhilarating voice again.

His mouth opened but nothing came out of it. _If she’s trying to drive me crazy, it’s working!_

She giggled again. “At least now you understand what it means when I say something like that.”

“Uh…yeah,” he mumbled again. “I know…things, now.”

“Hey, I tried explaining them to you, but you had that panic attack and ran off.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” Then he grumbled, “Why did you have to get _that_ memory back?”

Dita laughed. “But isn’t that my job? To remember every silly, embarrassing thing you ever did, and remind you?”

“What? No, it can’t be!” he protested. “You’re supposed to forget, and pretend they never happened!”

“But then how could I tell you how much better you’re doing?” she asked with a sweet smile. “How happy I am with the man you’ve become?”

“Dita, that’s…” he stumbled to a halt, confused by her quick reverses. “Um, thanks. It helps to hear when I’m doing something right, too.”

She gave him a much bigger smile. “You’ve done plenty of things right today. You changed a lot while I was gone.”

He didn’t answer right away. Then, “I didn’t do it all on my own.”

Her smile faded. “Barnette?”

“And other people,” he concurred, “and you, a lot. But she got me started. When she came to me… when she forced me to see her, really _see_ her, forced me to face…everything, and myself…”

She frowned. “Should I thank her?”

“Heh. Only if you want to.” He gave her a pleading look. “She’s a good woman, Dita. She was there for me, when you couldn’t be. You’re kind of seeing her at her worst right now. You’ve got no idea what she’s going through. Try not to judge her, based only on the bad things she’s done.”

“That’s about all I’ve seen from her, since I got back.”

“I know. I’ve been trying to get her to stop.”

“Without much success.”

He grimaced. “Hey, nothing has happened since, uh…”

“Since she lied about you having sex with her?” Dita asked, irate. “Since she tried to break us apart, _again?”_

“I know, I know,” he admitted. “She’s been a pain to you ever since you got back. She, uh… well, let’s just say she’s had an incredibly bad day, and she could have handled it better.”

“I don’t think she could have handled it any worse!”

“Hey, she didn’t shoot at you,” he said lightly, then added, uncertainly, “…did she?”

Dita chuckled in spite of herself. “No. Not that, at least.”

He tried to placate her. “Look, she said she’s sorry, and I think she really means it. She might have been apologizing only to me, but maybe you could be generous and accept it anyway? Please?”

It took her some time to answer. “I’ll think about it.”

“Thank you, Dita. That’s all I can ask.”

She looked closely at him. “You still love her, don’t you? Even now.”

He looked down. “I did some pretty rotten things to you, and you’re still here.”

“You just made some mistakes, and you’ve made up for them. She was mean on purpose. That’s different.”

“Um, yeah…you’re right.”

After a while Dita said, “She saved my life a few times.”

He half-smiled. “That should be worth cutting her some slack. _I’m_ glad she did it, anyway.”

She sighed. “We’re Dread pilots. You know how it is. We all save each other’s lives, all the time. Some of the stuff she taught me probably saved my life, too.”

He didn’t have a reply, and she didn’t seem to expect one.

She sighed again. “I know she’s not really a bad person. You wouldn’t love her if she was, and you certainly wouldn’t be defending her. The Barnette I remember has to still be in there somewhere. I just hope we can work this out without any of us getting hurt any more.”

“That idea you’ve got.”

“That’s right.”

“And you still won’t tell me what it is.”

“Nope.” They both chuckled, and he shook his head.

They sat quietly for a few more minutes, then Dita yawned again. “Now I’m really tired. I think I’m ready to sleep now.”

“Would you like me to walk with you?”

She smiled. “I’d like that a lot.”

He stood and held out his hand. She took it and stood up.

* * *

They stopped in front of a door, just like all the rest. “Is this it?”

“Yes,” she said, then stepped in close and turned her face to him. The man-thing had forced a vile parody of a kiss on her. She wanted Hibiki to give her a real kiss.

_I guess the Pyxis was on to something_, he thought as he put his arms around her.

Kissing Dita was not at all the same as kissing Barnette. It wasn’t better, really, and it certainly wasn’t worse, but the two women were quite unlike. Dita smelled different, her lips felt and tasted different, her body felt different, and when she put her arms around him and squeezed tight, they wound up in different places. His hands were buried in her cascade of silky hair. He was hesitant to try most of the things Barnette had taught him, but when Dita parted her lips and tentatively touched her tongue to his, the kiss kind of took off. He let her choose how she wanted to proceed, and she was a lot bolder than he would have expected.

They had kissed a few times, back in the old days, but that had been the old Hibiki. Awkward, self-conscious, embarrassed, hesitant, clueless Hibiki. He hadn’t really kissed her, he had let her kiss him, because she seemed to want to and it would be easier than refusing. He had never really participated, never committed himself, never fully _given_ himself. He should have.

Dita was discovering all sorts of new sensations tonight. What she was feeling now had to be 'passion', and 'desire', and probably 'arousal'. She knew the words, but they had held no meaning until she experienced the emotions they stood for. She felt an urge to continue, to discover more meanings by experiencing them…

She finally broke the kiss and sagged in his arms. She was breathless again, and her heart was pounding like she’d just run the length of the ship. “Oh, Hibiki. Oh, wow…”

Hibiki wasn’t in any better shape, and couldn’t say anything. Supporting her, and himself, was about his limit.

Dita took a deep breath and let it out, trembling. _Enhanced sex drive_, they’d told her on Gunzo, only it wasn’t that simple. She hadn’t felt some blind urge to get it on with the men she encountered, not even the ones she found physically attractive. It seemed to require something more, some strong emotional bond, to set it off.

_Well it’s damn good and set off now!_ she griped to herself, frustrated. This hadn’t happened three years ago, or even a few hours ago. Something inside her must have changed since then, changed a _lot_.

It would be so easy to kiss him again, squeeze herself against him, to feel the closeness she craved. To reach up, unbutton her blouse and show him what he had glimpsed earlier, plus anything he might have missed, to invite the man she loved to put his hands on her body, to revel in those feelings again without cloth getting in the way…to learn the things Barnette knew. So easy. _Too_ easy. Because it would be so hard to _stop_.

Dita straightened up and pushed away from him. “You have to go. I thought it would be easier here, but—”

Hibiki gave her a longing look. She was showing signs of…excitement again. They both were.

She tore her gaze away from his. “If we don’t stop now, we’re going to wind up fucking right here on the floor. We can’t do that. There’s too much at stake, too much still unresolved. And that’s not how I want our first time.”

That kind of broke the mood. “You said you didn’t want to repeat those things.”

She turned back and gave him a wicked smile. “I never said I wasn’t listening.”

She looked so good, so tempting, but… _Barnette was really pissed at me, but there was a lot of pain under it. I can’t do that to her for real! Dita’s right. Damn it_. He forced himself to say, “Good night, Dita,” then smiled and added, “I love you.”

She returned his smile, gratefully. “Good night, Hibiki. I love you.”


	25. Affirmation

BC closed the door, leaned against it and let out a long, exhausted half-sigh, half-groan, thankful that this grueling day was over at last. Oh, some new crisis might crop up before morning, but that was most unlikely. They had just finished settling the Nirvana into a temporary parking orbit parallel to Industrial Facility Delta-Two, she/he had checked and approved the watch lists, and Captain Magno had all but ordered her/him to hit the rack.

Not a moment too soon. She/he had been through a lot today, and keeping up a front of cool professionalism had taken more and more effort over the last few hours. Dropping it was a relief. Having nothing more demanding to do than lean against the door felt very good right now.

That soon got old. _Can’t stand here all night_. She/he straightened up, stepped forward, touched some controls almost without thinking, and another BC appeared in the room. Large mirrors are not at all practical on a battleship; there were only a few, in the heads. Holographic projectors are much more compact, rugged and versatile. Having a dedicated unit in one’s quarters was one of the perks of being Executive Officer on a Mejere ship.

Time to face the other issues this eventful day had raised.

Lieutenant Colonel Tenmei Uragasumi looked at the image, and Commander Buzam A. Calessa looked back. She/he could barely remember that other face, and trying to imagine it there felt…wrong. This face, this strongly attractive woman’s face, framed by flowing gray-silver hair, was the right one. Hands deft with long practice unfastened the familiar clothing and let it fall away. This body looked right, too, there in the life-size holo-projection. She/he touched the glowing green jewel on the collar still at her/his throat. Even its synthesized voice sounded natural in these ears now, the deep male voice she/he heard after placing it on its charging stand the jarring, out of place one.

_They told me about this. They warned me, and I laughed at them, said it could never happen to **me**, secure in my ignorance. Well, it took eight years, I never noticed it happening, but there is no denying it now._

_I have become the mask._

_I have played this role for so long, the role is me. I have been a woman among women for more than eight years, and these are my people now. I never turned my back on Taraak, but it is no longer my home. The Nirvana is my home, and her crew are my family. My tribe._

That hadn’t been his original mission. In the beginning he’d been inserted as one of the multitude of junior officers assigned to routine duties at Mejere Space Force’s orbital headquarters, with a moderate security clearance and very little _official_ access to any classified information that would have been considered useful by his real superiors.

As for _unofficial_ access… He was a Taraak master spy, carefully selected for brilliance and cunning, then rigorously trained in his devious craft. He regularly persuaded the computers, and the Mejeran officers, to give up all manner of things they shouldn’t have.

When he got the chance to infiltrate Magno’s pirate crew, he was…_encouraged_ to take it. He was left isolated from the still-forming Taraak spy network, with only infrequent contact and a few dead-drops to pass on information. He’d worked under those difficult conditions for more than two years, and then suddenly found himself flung across the galaxy, completely isolated from everyone and everything. His eyes had been half-opened already, but by the time the Nirvana made her way back to their home system they were fully open, and he couldn’t avoid seeing things he wasn’t supposed to.

He could have changed back then, after his cover was blown, after their victory over the Harvest Fleet, could have returned to being Tenmei Uragasumi of Taraak Intelligence and no one else, but there was one minor problem with that option.

He hadn’t trusted them.

He had disobeyed orders, assaulted Taraak soldiers, broken prisoners out of custody, re-joined the Mejere Pirates — and worst of all, _he’d been right_. He’d shown the whole galaxy how stupid his erstwhile superiors had been, saved their asses along with everybody else’s, and that was unforgivable.

There was nothing they could do to him openly and officially, but it would have been so easy, so convenient for them to just let something go wrong with the long, complex reversion procedure, give their bothersome undercover agent a hero’s funeral and literally bury the whole deplorable affair. He’d found the prospect…unappealing, and remained aboard the Nirvana, permanently stuck in this now-pointless disguise.

Tenmei studied that exotic face less than a meter away. _We’re all alone here, so we can level with each other, right? No evasions, no illusions, only the truth?_ Those gray-green eyes, _her_ eyes, gazed back at him, not with derision but with understanding and…compassion. He could almost hear her voice in his head.

_This did not just suddenly happen today; it has been coming for a long, long time. Today’s was but the final step, the arrival at our destination. Is this such a bad place to be?_

_How is it not? Outcast from my home world, branded a traitor — oh, nobody actually **calls** me traitor, they just whisper it in secret — and now I’m not even myself any more. You think **this** is where I belong?_

_You were more than half-way here three years ago. That was the tipping point, and **they** were the ones that pushed you over. **They** forced you to choose between doing what you were ordered to do, and what was right. You made the only honorable choice; the dishonor was **theirs**._

_Oh, yes, I did the honorable thing, and learned what they mean by ‘No good deed goes unpunished’._

_Your ‘leaders’ called it treason when you refused to betray your shipmates, but did **they** not betray you first? Did they not dismiss your warnings, ignore your knowledge, toss you an empty promotion and a worthless trinket, pat you on the head and tell you to run along and let the Real Men take care of everything? What else could you do? If you had not disobeyed their foolish orders the Nirvana would have been lost, and with her our only hope._

That, at least, was the truth. Without the Nirvana, without the Pirates, without Bart, Hibiki, Meia, Dita and Jura, without the VanDreads the allied fleets would have been overwhelmed. To save themselves and the ‘real’ colonists, the Firsts would have turned the entire populations of two planets over to the Harvesters, to be hauled into their automated butcher-shops and cut apart to patch up the Earthers’ failing bodies. That was why they had created those populations in the first place, and kept them separated. He had done what had to be done, to prevent that outcome.

_You have made the right choices every step of the way. This is the only place you could have reached without betraying your shipmates and yourself. You have no cause to feel guilty about anything you have done._

_Great, I did everything right, and all I lost was myself._

_You have lost nothing, you have only changed. Life is change, and the only end of change is death._

_So is **this** supposed to be the proof of my existence? The fact that everything changed today?_

_You did not change today, you merely confronted the changes you’ve been undergoing for years. You know what happened, and why; all that remains is to accept it._

_What happened was, Barnette blew up at Dita, and I had to confine her to quarters. How can accepting that provide any answers?_

_You have to accept what you found out about yourself. Your reaction to Barnette’s words brought those changes to your attention, but you’re trying to evade them._

_How can I evade what I see in the mirror every day?_

He hadn’t exactly been ordered to do it, but when you are informed by the Taraak Special Information Bureau that you have ‘volunteered’ for a mission it is…unwise to disagree with them. They had actually roped in over a dozen ‘volunteers’ for The Defense Minister’s Bold New Initiative, then dismissed them one by one as various screening processes showed them to be unsuitable for one reason or another. They had dropped three of the last four after evaluating their reactions to being told the nature of the ‘long-term deep-cover mission’ they had ‘volunteered’ for.

They were left with Commander Tenmei Uragasumi, and he was left with the mission. If he’d been unable to deal with the details, he would have washed out with the rest. He had an advantage over most of the men on Taraak — he didn’t believe the anti-female propaganda. He worked for the bureau that created it, after all. He’d actually found the challenge interesting, and they started preparing his disguise.

It couldn’t be any sort of ordinary disguise. He’d be living among women for years; only an exceedingly thorough transformation would keep him from being found out. They probably wouldn’t execute him, they might even return him to Taraak, but the mission would be a disgraceful failure. That was unacceptable, and had to be avoided at any cost.

There were dozens of Taraak operatives on Mejere now, posing as women, but he’d been the first. The original. The prototype.

_I wonder, did that make me a pioneer, or a guinea pig?_ Neither one of them had an answer for that question.

They set to work on him. They extracted stem cells and replaced the Y chromosomes with ‘donated’ X chromosomes. They dug up old, old medical data, made certain…preparations, and grew a complete set of female reproductive organs in his body. They’d even obtained a pair of Mejeran medical implants somehow, and put those in too. They made some other changes, then treated his skin with an enzyme concoction that dissolved it, and grew female skin in its place. When they were satisfied with the preliminary results, they put him through almost a month of regeneration to make everything _right_.

Looking at the results after the anesthesia wore off, he’d been so sure he could never get used to seeing that _woman_ in the mirror. He’d been so, so wrong.

_Those changes are superficial. The ones you are evading run much deeper than you can see._

_OK, fine. What am I evading?_

_You already know the answer. You just have to dig it out from where you have hidden it._

The incident that triggered it all had happened this afternoon. Celise had rushed to her/him, out of breath, babbling frantically that Dita and Barnette were screaming at each other in the head and come quick before somebody gets hurt. They had hurried to the scene and found the two women yelling, red-faced, breathing hard and looking like they might indeed be about to start swinging. The Executive Officer’s arrival had brought their altercation to an abrupt halt, much to the spectators’ disappointment.

Getting to the bottom of their dispute hadn’t taken long. They were fighting over Hibiki Tokai. Dita had come back to him after three years missing, and that upset Barnette because…

Because she was having sex with him.

That was when it happened, whatever _it_ was. That was the moment the whole universe had seemed to shift, so that she/he was looking at it from an unfamiliar perspective. Habit and discipline had kept her/him mostly on track, allowed Commander Calessa to function almost normally, order Barnette confined to her quarters and direct the rest to break it up, get back to their business.

_But what was **it?** What thought went through my head right then, that I still don’t want to deal with? Tell me!_

_Silly spy. You know you’re only talking to yourself. I can’t tell you anything you’re not ready to know._

Groan. _Fine. It’s got something to do with Barnette and Hibiki having sex. Why did that affect me so much? They’re both my friends, but it’s not like I have any personal stake in who either one of them has sex with. Jura and Barnette, Ezra and Rebecca, a lot of other women have been together most of the time I’ve been with the Pirates, and that never affected me._

_It has to be because Hibiki Tokai is from Taraak, because he’s a man, or both._

_Men and women having sex is nothing new to me, either. I’ve seen that on every planet we’ve visited, sometimes a lot more openly than most of us are comfortable with. Why is it so different this time? It can only be because they **are** my friends, people I know well, and care about._

_I’m getting close to the answer. I can **feel** the resistance. I found out they were having sex, I looked at Barnette, and I…_

The memory cleared up like a noisy comm channel.

_I only wondered what it was like for Barnette, to have sex with a man. I didn’t identify with Hibiki at all. I still don’t. I responded…as…a woman. As Buzam._

_Eight years ago I was Tenmei Uragasumi, on a mission that required me to wear a woman’s body like an ill-fitting costume. I grew more practiced with it over the years, but I always considered it just a disguise. At least that’s what I told myself. I didn’t recognize the changes, or didn’t want to._

_Other-Me is right. I’m not Tenmei any more. I haven’t been, for a long time, but I didn’t want to know._

_If they gave me back my old face and body tomorrow, no risk, no tricks, I would be Buzam in a man’s body, and it would be as wrong for me as this one was eight years ago. Buzam has won; Tenmei is beaten. Well played, my lady. You have earned your victory, and I can’t even resent you for it._

She didn’t look victorious. She looked…disappointed.

_You still do not understand. Why must either of us lose? Why must we care whether we are Tenmei, or Buzam? Why can’t we just be…me? Buzam, Tenmei, something in between or someone else entirely, what does it matter? I have a home, I have friends, I have a life with purpose and meaning. So long as I remain true to them, I can never lose my way._

The universe shifted again, or she did. She reached out to the hologram, and her image reached out in return.

_All my friends accept me as I am. Now I have to accept myself. I am Buzam Antoinette Calessa._

_In the beginning that was just the cover name prepared for me, but it’s as good a name as any. It’s the name my friends know. A name does not define me; I define the name. The Taraak Army still knows me as Tenmei Uragasumi, but that does not define who I am either. I am Executive Officer of the Nirvana, a position that suits me in every way. I have an excellent working relationship with my Captain, and my crew. This is where I belong, where my friends are. I am…happy here._

Commander Buzam Antoinette Calessa, Executive Officer, MSFS/TAS Nirvana, took one last look at herself, switched off the hologram, and prepared for bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of this is an internal conversation between Tenmei's voice, and Buzam's. The last two paragraphs are in Buzam's voice, alone.
> 
> I tried out a bunch of different names for Buzam A. Calessa. Antoinette seems to just _fit_. And no, not because she reminds me of that notorious Queen of France.


	26. Visitation

“Told ya I’d be back.”

Barnette’s eyes snapped open. She remembered that voice, and a cold darkness that seemed to come with it. She felt a sense of dread, a prickling along her spine.

“Go away!” She was _done_ with this foul, lying wretch. It sounded like a man, but all the men she knew were decent people. This _had_ to be something else.

It ignored her words and let out a sinister chuckle. “You can still get what you want. You just need to do one little thing for me, and we can both get what we want.”

She reached behind the bed, pulled out one of her most prized antiques, her Colt Model 1991 .45 automatic pistol, clicked off the safety and aimed in the direction the voice seemed to be coming from.

“Get the fuck out of my room!”

“What makes you think I’m in your room?” the voice asked sarcastically. “Can you see me?”

“Leave me alone!” She shifted her aim; the voice had seemed to come from a different direction that time.

“You sure that’s what you want?” It dropped to a seductive murmur. “You sure it’s _me_ you want to shoot?”

Her eyes darted here, there, finding nothing. The lights were low, but she could see well enough to tell that nothing seemed to be out of place, until her room faded out and she saw _them_ again. This time Hibiki half-sat at one end of his bunk. **She** crouched in front of him at the other end, bent down, and…took his male part into her **_mouth!_** What the fuck?! He gasped, and they both watched that mass of red hair move up and down. Just like before, she was unable to avoid watching them, until he groaned, shuddered and slumped back. **She** sucked and swallowed a few times, then raised her head, licking the last clinging drops of a familiar thick, whitish liquid off her lips, smiling up at him lasciviously. They both looked her way, **she** defiant, he almost apologetic. _See, we don’t need you. Just go away, and leave us alone_. **She** turned back, leaned down, pushed her hair out of the way and put her mouth over it again.

_It’s not real! It’s a lie! she told herself. And, what the fuck did I just **not** see? I know what it looked like, but…**really?**_ Back in her own room as her vision returned to normal, she shook her head and tried to banish the images from her memory. “Get the fuck out of my _head!”_

“What use is it, yelling at _me?”_ the voice asked, amused. “_I’m_ not the one taking your boyfriend away from you. They’ve been together all day, they’ll be together all night too.”

“Everything you showed me was a lie! I don’t believe you!” she shouted.

“Maybe I skipped ahead a little,” it admitted. “You know they’ll be fucking by this time tomorrow, though. Unless you stop ‘em.”

“No!” she protested.

“You don’t _have_ to stay locked in here,” it tried to persuade her. “I can fix that. You’ve seen what I can do. You can go anywhere, do anything, and nobody will know.”

She was still trying to follow the voice with her eyes and gun. “Stop it! I swear I will kill you. Shut up, leave me alone, and get the hell off my ship!”

Now the voice sounded impatient. “Well, you think it over. He don’t need you no more, he’s got another slut to stick it in. You’re just yesterday’s garbage. You decide you want to do something about it, I’ll be around. But don’t keep me waitin’ too long.”

With a last, nasty snicker, the presence was gone. She looked all around the room carefully, then put her pistol back on safe. Her hands started shaking, then her whole body trembled. She fumbled the gun back into its hiding place and settled back to wait out the shakes.

_You're wrong_, she thought. _Hibiki didn't come here to forgive 'yesterday's garbage'. He didn't say 'if it's the last thing you ever do for me, please, please be there' because he doesn't care about me._

_None of this is his fault._

Her eyes filled with tears.

_It’s mine._

_You lied to me, but I was the one who was all too willing to believe your lies._

_He came to me, and I drove him away. He came to me again, after that disgraceful episode in the head; he comforted me, cried with me, laughed with me, and I tried to force him to have sex against his will. Didn’t I tell him that was rape, and how horrible it was? How could I not see what I was doing to him? He came to me **again**, after that despicable lie, and instead of condemning me as he should have, he tried to understand why I told it. And then finally he came back here to forgive me for everything I did, and all but begged for my help in finding a solution to this mess we’re in. I have wronged him terribly, over and over, and yet he has been better to me than I ever deserved._

_He's doing the best he can, for me, and for **her**._

_The man I love has never lied to me, and I…I still trust him._


	27. Good Morning

At breakfast time, he knocked on the door. “Dita?”

“Minute, love.”

It was more than a minute, but not much. He heard low voices and giggling from inside, presumably Dita talking to Lorin’s roommate. The Nirvana was a big ship, but there wasn’t enough space for everybody to have their own room; only the Captain, XO, and the next eight senior officers. The other officers bunked two to a room, and four enlisted women were packed into rooms only slightly larger.

The Defense Minister’s refit of the old Ikazuchi had crammed the enlisted men into rooms packed with eighty bunks each in the ‘new section’. That had been left behind when Magno’s Family hijacked the ship, and the Mejerans would not allow such ‘cruel and barbaric’ accommodations on the Nirvana, even for men. The men’s enlisted quarters were modeled on the Mejeran style, with six men to a room.

Dita opened the door and stepped out into the corridor. She had borrowed a few more things, and wore a dark blue skirt, fancy black shoes and a close-fitting light green blouse with the top two buttons open. He approved.

He had also learned a few more things during her absence. “You look really nice. What about your old clothes?” She had found them, neatly folded and sealed away in the bottom box in his room.

She smiled. “Thank you, Hibiki.” She posed to give him a good look. “Those don’t fit me right any more, and, well, they’re just not what I want to wear. Thank you for keeping them for me, but now, I like this better.”

He made a great show of inspecting her carefully. “Hmmm. So do I.”

He put his arms around her. She kissed him eagerly, but she didn’t open her lips and she broke off after a few seconds. No one else was in the passageway, but that no longer mattered. Somehow, his reticence about kissing a woman in public had kind of faded away since Sunday, at least as far as Dita was concerned. Now he just looked disappointed.

Dita smiled. “Remember what we barely avoided last night. Let’s not take any chances today.”

She was right again. Damn it.

She stepped out of his arms, took his hand and started down the passageway. He fell in beside her, and they headed off to breakfast. She looked across at him. “We’re going to get this thing resolved today. Then you can kiss me until we both pass out.”

That sounded mighty good to him.

They had gotten used to people watching their every move; they collected their breakfasts and sat at an empty table. He felt a little reluctant to talk in front of everybody, and she seemed content to eat, enjoy the familiar surroundings, and smile at him occasionally. She finished first, then sat there gazing at him.

“What?”

“Hmm? Oh. I was just thinking. This morning. You came to my room, said my name, told me I looked nice, kissed me, held my hand, walked with me to breakfast… back in the old days that would have been all my dreams come true. Even two or three of those things.”

He shook his head. “And we could have done it any time if I got my head out of my ass. I wasted so much time, and I didn’t even know what I was missing. Or how little time we had. Pah. I told you I had regrets.”

He took a few more bites. “So, have all your dreams really come true?”

She gave him a long, lazy smile. “I’ve got bigger dreams now.”

He chuckled. “Kissing until we pass out?”

“Actually, that’s still one of the small ones.”

Suddenly he dropped his fork, turned, took her hand in both of his and gazed into her eyes with almost frightening intensity. “Dita, my love, we can never take each other for granted, not for one second. Because we never know how many seconds we’ve got until they’re all gone.”

After a momentary surprise, she smiled. “We won’t. I missed you, too, while I was gone. Even when I was lost, when couldn’t remember myself, I could feel something was wrong. When I’m with you, everything is right.”

She leaned over and gave him another soft, but brief kiss. The buzz of conversation, which had almost stopped when he took her hand, jumped to about twice its previous level.

Hibiki looked around nervously. “Geez, we’re on stage. Should we bow, or give ‘em the finger?”

She smiled. “We pretend they’re not there, and give them a good show. They’re our friends. They don’t mean any harm.”

“Yeah, but it’s…”

“Embarrassing? Why? We love each other, everybody knows it, and they’re happy for us. If something was wrong, they’d all want to help. Notice how nobody sat at our table? They don’t want to intrude, just see us. Well, and talk.”

“And talk, and talk. I guess we can’t stop them, and trying to would just make it worse.”

“Then try not to see it as a bad thing—“

She broke off as Jura walked in, saw them, and stopped. So did all the talk. Dita gave her a small wave, but Jura shook her head and went to the serving line. Conversations slowly picked up again as she loaded her tray, then went to sit alone in the far corner.

Dita watched her with deep concern. “Poor Jura. All this must be so hard for her. I wish we could do something.”

“I don’t think either one of us can do anything but hurt her more.”

“First Barnette and you, then you and me. Does she have anybody?”

“I don’t think so. I’m sure Meia is trying to help her, but I don’t know what she can do either.”

“That’s so sad.” She looked at Jura, who was giving breakfast her full attention. “Well, maybe if we solve our own problems, we can do something for her.”

“Maybe.” He didn’t sound hopeful. He returned to finishing his breakfast.

As he chased down the last bite, Dita asked, “So, how do we do it? Not taking each other for granted?”

He finished it and said, “Hmmm. Pay attention to each other. Always remember how lucky we are to be together. Make sure we don’t let any chances go to waste.”

She gave him another wicked grin and said in that low, sensuous voice, “So, are you saying we _should_ have fucked on the floor last night?”

“Dita!” He looked around frantically, but nobody seemed to have heard her. The room hadn’t erupted in pandemonium, anyway. He recovered slowly and answered, “Uh, no. You were right. There were lots of reasons.”

“It sure would give everybody something to talk about, though!”

They both laughed. He said, “That’s the _last_ thing they need, more to talk about.”

“Well, I’m going to give them something anyway.” She leaned over and kissed him again, longer this time. “I didn’t take you for granted, or let this chance to go to waste.”

“Dita…” He _sounded_ uncomfortable, but hadn’t done anything to stop her; had been quite cooperative, in fact.

She smiled angelically. “Yes, Hibiki?”

He had it. “We can’t take our future for granted, either. We have to work toward the future we want.”

She sighed. “You’re right. We’ve both got work to do. Let’s meet for lunch, if we don’t see each other sooner.”

He’d learned something else, too. “It’s a date, Dita.”


	28. Preparation

Hibiki and Dita walked to Main Engineering together and found Lieutenant Commander Ballblair and her staff bustling about, making what repairs they could. The Pyxis shone brightly through the window into the ship’s core, fully recovered from their wormhole jump, and Parfet sounded harried and frustrated, talking into a comm unit.

“Where are those G-38 power regulators?!” she cried plaintively. “I put in a req for them _last night!_ What the hell, Gasco?”

“It’s _Gascogne_, dammit!” her irate voice snapped from the device. “You want me to call you four-eyes, or—“ She groaned, then continued in a more normal tone, “Sorry, Parfet. Don’t mean to take it out on you. Everybody’s in the same boat, and they’re all complaining. Nothing’s been delivered yet, and I’m not getting any clear reasons, or even an estimate. As soon as I know anything, you’ll know.”

“Okay, Gascogne,” she said, calmer. “I didn’t mean to be a pain either, but it’s…”

“Yeah, I’m getting the same thing from everybody and it’s driving me buggy, too. I’ll tell you when I find out.”

When she finished, Dita asked, “Parfet, have you got a minute?”

She looked relieved to have something interrupt their ongoing meltdown, and gave them a big smile when she saw their clasped hands. “What can we do for you two famous romantics today? A quiet hideaway? A ship-wide video feed?”

Hibiki went first. “Parfet, could you send a few people with me to finish checking my Vanguard, and look over Dita’s Dread? It’s been missing for three years; no telling what condition it’s in.”

“Sure thing, Hibiki.” She looked at Dita, then back at him. “But, just you?”

“I’ve got something else to do,” Dita said. “I’d like to access the ship’s old datacore, to do some research.”

Parfet considered, briefly. “That should be okay. What kind of research?”

“Men and women, love, sex, relationships and so on.”

She looked very interested. “Ooooooh. Sounds like fun.”

“It’s not about _fun_,” Dita corrected her, but with a smile. “We’ve got problems, and I want to look for answers.”

“Oh, right, Barnette,” the engineer said, still interested. “Mind if I help? We’re just spinning our wheels here, waiting for parts.”

“I’d be grateful for some help. Thank you.”

Parfet loaned Hibiki four ladies ranging from a senior lieutenant in her late twenties to a trainee who’d been aboard less than a year, plus one of the two Taraak crewmen in her department. They turned to leave, but Dita caught Hibiki’s arm.

“Wait a minute, Hibiki.” She turned him around, put her other hand on his cheek, and kissed him. “There. Now you can go.”

Parfet laughed, most of the women looked shocked, and the Taraak crewman seemed deeply disturbed. Hibiki was surprised, but only for a few seconds. “Sure, Dita. I’ll see you at lunch, then.”

This time they all left Main Engineering without incident. Parfet drafted one of her computer specialists and they departed for the old Ikazuchi’s main data processing center with Dita, talking and laughing.

They quickly found that there was a _lot_ of data on ‘men, women, love, sex, relationships and so on’ in the old computers, enough to keep all three of them busy for many years. Dita resisted at first, then finally gave in, swore them both to absolute secrecy and told them what she was looking for. After they finished laughing and giggling, they went to it with a will.

Dita found herself running down all sorts of side tracks and related information. Their situation was actually a common theme both in history and literature, so she had presumed that there would be an equally common solution, but she found that not to be the case. Most of the ‘solutions’ she turned up were no such thing, most being ways to eliminate one of the three participants with anything from lies to prison to murder.

After following up references to ‘jealousy’, ‘infidelity’, and especially ‘adultery’, she began to wonder if they were still using the same language. According to the Old Earthers, she was supposed to hate Barnette, or Hibiki, or both of them. Barnette should hate her. That one, at least, seemed to be right on the mark. Hibiki, well, he shouldn’t hate anybody but he should be very worried.

None of it made much sense to her. Neither Hibiki nor Barnette was to blame for their situation, hating them would waste her energy without accomplishing anything, and it would prevent her from doing anything that could actually _solve_ the problem. She couldn’t avoid the conclusion that in some ways, those Old Earthers must have been a bunch of Old Idiots.

Their research into the laws and customs governing romance was equally confusing. The laws themselves were clearly spelled out, but when they tried to find out the reasoning behind them, they always wound up in the rules of one or another Old Earth religion that nobody on board the Nirvana belonged to. That was of little use.

Literature was actually more helpful. Writers were usually not bound by the laws — although in a few cases, it had actually been a criminal offense to write a work of fiction that disagreed with the government and/or religious authorities. They had much greater freedom to explore all possibilities. Finding specific information was harder, but Parfet and her computer expert Korai put together some searches and turned up various things that were useful, useless, disturbing, or hilarious.

They sorted through it all, history and literature, discussed the relevant parts (and some of the irrelevant ones; a few were just irresistible) and made sure they understood it all to everybody’s satisfaction.

* * *

Hibiki and the engineers found that his Vanguard only needed a couple of trivial adjustments, taking less than ten minutes. He sent them on ahead while he stopped off in sickbay to look in on their worst casualties. Three of his Vanguard jocks were among the injured, talking almost casually with the women patients, swapping stories and boasts about the battle. It seemed that the ice had been broken, at least in a few cases.

Duelo assured him that they were all expected to recover, although the most critically injured Dread pilot was still in a coma and would have to be sent to a major medical center on Mejere. They wouldn’t be seeing her again for a standard year, maybe more. He thanked Lorin for letting Dita use her room, then spoke to each of the others briefly, women and men alike, and finished by pretending to be envious of their cushy ‘vacation’ time, warning them not to make excessive demands of the poor medical staff but to hurry up, get better and get their lazy asses back to work. He walked out, followed by jeers and laughter.

He made his way to the cargo bay/hangar and joined the others working on Dita’s Dread. All of them watched him curiously, obviously wanting to ask questions but uncertain where to start. After half an hour or so the Taraak man called for some help from where he’d crawled underneath the port engine. He pointed out a seized bolt, they positioned the tool, checked alignment, braced their feet, and _pulled_. It resisted for several seconds, then broke loose with a loud CRACK.

The man looked around cagily, then whispered, “What did that _woman_ do to you, Major? Back there in Engineering. Did she…bite you?”

Hibiki broke out laughing. The ridiculous idea that Dita would try to eat him, the memory of Barnette biting him in the throes of passion, the crazy things Taraak men were still worried about after a lifetime of outrageous propaganda…he couldn’t help himself. It was some time before he recovered enough to answer, “No!”

“What’s so funny, Commander?” a woman’s voice reached them from beside the spacecraft.

He was still laughing. “This guy thought Dita was biting me, back in Engineering.”

The hangar exploded with feminine laughter echoing off the walls as the two men crawled out from under Dita’s Dread. The senior Lieutenant was the first to recover, at least enough to say, “She _kissed_ him, you dumbass!”

“Uhhh…” He was warily keeping Hibiki between himself and the women. “What’s that?”

The space filled with laughter again, plus mocking comments about clueless Taraak men who didn’t even know what a kiss was. Soon enough, he was more irate than nervous and demanded grumpily, “Okay, so, what _is_ it?”

They laughed some more, until the Lieutenant said, “Well, you’re not going to find out by kissing _me!”_ and the rest laughed even more as they echoed the sentiment.

One of the others said, “Get Commander Tokai to show you, he knows _all_ about it!”

“**Not** happening!” he yelled over the new round of hilarity. When it died down again he told the still-uneasy mechanic, “Look it up in that stuff the Firsts gave us about men and women.”

They spent the rest of the morning climbing over, under, around and inside the sleek blue space fighter, making a long, long list of minor things that needed to be fixed, including a few that would become serious if not taken care of. It was lunch-time almost before he realized it.

* * *

There were two knocks, hard. Barnette thought about it, then sat up on her bunk. “Come in.”

The door opened. Jura walked in, closed it. She looked strained, and upset, and like she hadn’t slept well. At least she wasn’t wearing her sword.

“Thought it was you.” She motioned at the foot of her bunk. “Have a seat.”

“No.” Jura moved closer, stopped about one step away, looking down at her. “You owe me an explanation. And an apology.”

Barnette sighed. “You’re right.”

“Well?”

She sighed again. “I’m sorry, Jura. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m really sorry I hurt you.”

Jura frowned at her. “Anything else?”

“I’m not sorry I love Hibiki!” she said defiantly. “I’ll never be sorry for that!”

Jura just looked at her for a short time. “So, when did you decide you wanted a man?”

“I… I didn’t decide it.”

“What the hell do you mean?”

“I always needed a man! But I was never allowed to know that.”

Jura glowered at her, but didn’t say anything.

“We were always told men were the enemy. They were horrible and evil and cruel and they wanted to hurt us, but it was a _lie_. Well, maybe some men are bad but Hibiki’s not. He’s a good man, and I love him like I never loved anybody, not even you.”

“So you never loved me.”

“I didn’t say that! I just can’t love you the way I love Hibiki. I don’t think I can love any woman that way.”

Jura glowered again.

“Didn’t you always feel like there was something wrong? With us? Something missing?”

Jura didn’t answer immediately. “Sometimes I wondered why you weren’t…closer.”

“Don’t you see? There was something missing for _me_, and I didn’t even know what. I’d never even seen a man. I thought there was something wrong with me.”

Jura started to answer, then stopped. Barnette suspected she’d been about to say there _was_ something wrong with her. Finally, “You should have told me.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just… I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“You knew how to tell everybody else!”

“I’m sorry about that too, Jura. I hurt you, and Hibiki, and I didn’t mean to.” She grimaced. “I was trying to hurt **her**, drive her away from him, so I could have him back.”

Jura made something between a cough and a laugh. “Didn’t work, did it?”

“No. It could never have worked. I was doomed the minute **she** came back. I think, maybe, he loved me, but he always loved **her**.” She reached out, picked up a cloth, already damp, and dabbed at her eyes. “Now I’m just in the way.”

Jura looked at her with, maybe, just the tiniest trace of sympathy. “None if it worked out so good, huh?”

“Not in the end, no.” She raised the cloth to her eyes again. “But I don’t regret it. To feel this, even for a few days, to know I _can_ feel like this, it was worth it. It’s worth anything.” She sniffed. “No, I only regret that I waited so long.”

Jura looked at her for a time. “So now what? You don’t think I’ll take you back, do you?”

“Of course not. I broke that. And, don’t take this the wrong way, but I wouldn’t go back if I could. We never really belonged together, I just didn’t know it.” She lowered the cloth and looked up. “I’m sorry I’m not who you need me to be, but this is who I am. Who I always was. Now that I know, I can never go back and pretend.”

Neither of them said anything for a while.

“I’m sorry about everything, Jura. I never meant to hurt you, or anybody. It all just kind of got away from me.”

There was another long silence. Finally, Jura said, “I guess we’re done here.”

She walked to the door and opened it. “Good-bye.”

Barnette looked up again. “Good luck, Jura.”

“Hmmm.”

The door closed. She held the cloth to her face again.

* * *

There was a knock on the door and Commander Calessa’s voice called, “Permission to enter.”

Captain Magno 2 Vivan looked away from her computer displays. “Come in, BC.”

The Nirvana’s XO looked…annoyed. She stalked to the desk and announced, “Captain, I’ve been looking into some questions Gascogne and Meia brought to me, and the answers I’m getting are less than satisfactory. We’ve been here more than fourteen hours, we gave them six hours notice before that, but we still haven’t got a repair schedule, we haven’t been assigned docking space, and they haven’t even told us when they’re sending somebody to assess the damage. Our supply requisitions are being held up by ‘inventory problems’ but they’re ‘working on it’. I asked how they’re managing to have ‘inventory problems’ with food, fuel, ammunition, spare parts _and_ medical supplies, all at the same time, and they say they’re ‘working on it’.”

Magno’s expression had darkened throughout the narrative, and when it was finished she growled, “Passive-aggressive foot-dragging.”

“That’s my assessment.” Buzam scowled ironically. “It just occurred to me that they never actually said they’re trying to _solve_ the problems, only that they’re ‘working on’ them.”

Magno narrowed her eyes. “It appears that we should take our business someplace else, Commander.”

BC nodded. “I concur, Captain. Avalon?”

Magno nodded decisively. “Avalon. Tell these buggers off without giving them any actual grounds for complaint and get us under way.”

A most incongruous sound came from the stern Commander as BC almost…giggled. “A subtle thumb in the eye?”

Magno chuckled evilly. “Not _too_ subtle, Buzam. Wouldn’t want them to miss the point.”

Avalon was Magno Vivan the First’s fanciful name for their former pirate base. It was farther out-system and not fully equipped to handle capital ships, but the Nirvana wasn’t just any ship and they should be able to make do. They did have extensive Dread maintenance capability. At least they would give it their best, unlike Industrial Facility Delta-Two which _was_ set up for major ship repair.

From her station on the Nirvana’s bridge, Commander Calessa established a comm channel to the shipyard asteroid floating less than eight thousand meters away. A Taraak officer appeared, wearing a smug, officious expression, obviously preparing to relish yet another opportunity to ever-so-politely tell a ship full of _women_ to get stuffed. She had mentally dubbed him Major Asshole during their first conversation yesterday, and he hadn’t given her any reason to revise that opinion. She was glad she had decided to use her Buzam voice instead of switching off the voice modulator.

Major Asshole had barely opened his mouth when BC’s synthesized voice, practically dripping with sarcasm and scorn, announced, “Delta-Two, it appears that you are unable to meet our requirements. We’ll leave you to straighten out your confused scheduling and your _remarkably_ wide-spread ‘inventory problems’ with all the efficiency we’ve come to expect from the Taraak Army. I sincerely hope that you’ll be adequately prepared the _next_ time a battle-damaged ship puts in here for repairs. In the meantime, we’ll seek assistance from a Mejere station and see if they can’t do just a _little_ bit _better_. Nirvana, out.”

BC reveled in the sight of Major Asshole puffing up with growing outrage and indignation during the harangue, then disconnected just as he was opening his big mouth again to protest. There was no reason for her shipmates to endure any more condescension, evasions, or thinly veiled insults. She pushed more buttons, and now a much more pleasant voice sounded throughout the ship. “Due to unforeseen difficulties at Industrial Delta-Two, we are taking the Nirvana to Avalon. All departments, prepare to get under way at once.”

Buzam turned to her left with a nasty grin. “Lieutenant Midori, we did record that, did we not?”

The comm officer grinned back. “Yes, Ma’am.”

The grin got just a bit nastier. “Good work. When you have a minute, forward copies of all our communications to me, for…review.”

Celtic Midori’s grin turned nasty, too. “Aye, aye, Commander!” Somehow or other, those recordings would make their way around the Nirvana, get back to Mejere, be passed on to Taraak, and cause all sorts of trouble. Maybe the _next_ Major Asshole would be a trifle less tempted to fuck over allied ships for his own amusement.

Within five minutes Gascogne, Lieutenant Omiren Jarunako and Meia reported Ship Services, Engineering and the Dreads ready. The current patrol flight would catch up with them on the way. Another frame appeared, with a new face. “Vanguard group ready to get under way, Commander.”

BC recalled his name after a few seconds. It would seem that Commander Jaze Rojan was substituting for Major Tokai while he and Dita were…otherwise occupied. Buzam suppressed another temptation to giggle. Instead, she called out, “Lieutenant Bolmar, get us under way for Avalon.”

The duty helmsman replied from his station, “Aye, Commander, setting course for Avalon, two-three-six by plus-zero-point-three.” Their view of the star system shifted as the Nirvana lined up for the trip. “Coming about, acceleration in eight seconds…five…we’re under way to Avalon. Estimated time nine hours, forty minutes.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant.”

* * *

There were three light knocks at the door. Barnette sighed heavily, then said reluctantly, “Come in.” It opened and she smiled, relieved. “Oh, hi, Meia. Have a seat?”

“Thank you.” Meia closed the door, took two steps, sat on the bed and gazed at her reproachfully. “Well, I kept your secret, for all the good it did.” She could only hold it for a few seconds, though, before she cracked a smile and chuckled. “Really, Barnette, if you wanted to shout it out to the whole ship, you should have told me.”

Barnette chuckled with her, ruefully. “I did _not_ mean to do that. I… I was…”

“What _did_ you mean to do?”

“Oh, hell, I don’t know. Push **her** away… get him back, somehow…” She shook her head. “I wasn’t ready for that, to just run into **her**, not then, not there…”

When she didn’t go on, Meia asked, “What are you going to do now?”

“They’ve called a meeting in Hibiki’s room after lunch, to decide what to do about…all of this.” She sighed fatalistically. “Or, _they’ll_ decide. I’ll be there, but I don’t think I’ll have much say in the matter.” She sighed again. “Just being in the same room with both of them will be hard enough.”

“That’s not like you. Giving up before the battle’s even started.”

“What chance do I have? Everything I did to get him back just made things worse.” Barnette coughed out one laugh with no trace of humor in it. “I’ve been fighting since yesterday, and I’ve lost every skirmish. I’ve taken massive casualties and the survivors are demoralized and out of ammunition. The whole campaign has been one long series of disasters, and prospects for the final battle are…dismal.”

“Hey, now, there’s got to be some hope,” Meia tried to reassure her.

“I want him, **she** wants him, but there’s only one Hibiki!” Barnette lamented as if she hadn’t been listening. “Somebody’s going to be shit out of luck and after the things I’ve done, _why_ would he pick me?”

“Because he loves you?” Meia suggested.

Barnette shook her head miserably. “He loves **her**. All I’ve done is cause him trouble.”

“He loves you, too. I can tell.” Meia reached down and squeezed her hand. “What happened yesterday can’t just erase that.”

“I think you underestimate my proficiency at fucking up,” she said dolefully.

“Come on, Barnette, nobody’s _that_ good at being _that_ bad,” Meia insisted.

“Oh, I’ll grant you, it wasn’t easy,” she groused. “I had to work at it. Four— no, five tries, to completely fuck things up.”

“I’m trying to cheer you up. Why won’t you let me?” Meia said plaintively. “It’s like you’re determined to wallow in misery.”

After a long wait Barnette said reluctantly, “I guess I don’t want to get my hopes up, only to have them crushed. To find that he’s just trying to figure out how to tell me he doesn’t need me any more.”

Meia shook her head. “I don’t think he’d do that. I saw the way he looked at you.”

“That was before…” _Everything_, she finished to herself. _Before **she** came back, before he rediscovered his first love, before I turned into a madwoman_. She squeezed Meia’s hand. “What can I do? What do _you_ think I should do?”

“Show him the Barnette I remember from yesterday morning,” Meia urged her. “Be the woman he fell in love with, and hope for the best.”

“I don’t see a ‘best’,” she said hollowly. “Even if he did pick me, **she’d** still be here, all the time. We just saw how much we need that VanDread, so they’ll be together, a lot. He’d be…divided. Conflicted. Even if he didn’t act on it I’d wind up getting suspicious.” She coughed out another unfunny laugh. “You know me.”

“Oh.” Meia was taken aback for a few seconds. “Guess I hadn’t thought it through that far.”

“I’ve had nothing to do _but_ think about it.” She shook her head. “Everything’s back the way it was three years ago, except me.”

“You can’t know that,” Meia objected. “I’ve hardly seen Dita since she got back, and everything I remember is three years out of date. I”m sure she’s changed in all that time. Is she still the same Dita we knew?”

“_He_ doesn’t seem to have any doubts,” Barnette said resentfully.

“Then don’t make him doubt you. I don’t want to see any of you wind up miserable, so promise me you’ll talk to both of them and try to work all this out somehow.”

“I don’t see how,” she grumbled, then gave her friend a weak smile. “I know you’re trying to help. I appreciate it, really. I just don’t know what good it can do.”

Meia sat deep in thought for a time, then said, “Neither do I, but there could be something.” She looked at Barnette intently. “I do know you’ll never see it if you don’t allow yourself to.” She gripped her hand again. “It feels like you’ve closed yourself off to any possibility that there _can_ be a solution. I think that would be a big mistake.”

Barnette looked stubbornly unconvinced. Meia went on, persuasively, “Even if you can’t think of a solution right now, maybe all of you, working together, can. I think it’s worth a shot.”

“Maybe you’re right,” she admitted grudgingly. “All right, I’ll try. For all the good it’ll do.”

“Give it a chance. A _real_ chance,” Meia implored her. “And give Hibiki a chance, too. I’m sure he won’t just… what is it they say? Dump you? He cares about you a lot.”

“I care about him, too, but is that enough?”

“I don’t know.” Meia looked at her sympathetically. “That’s something I can’t help you with.” She half-smiled. “It’s almost lunch time, though, and I _can_ have somebody bring yours.”

Barnette shook her head. “Not hungry. I had to force myself to eat breakfast. Thanks, anyway.”

“Oh. Well, is there anything else you need?”

“For this to be _over_, one way or another,” she said forcefully. “I want to know what life I’m going to have tomorrow. Even if it’s not the one I’m hoping for. All this uncertainty has got me a little, um…”

“Unhinged? Deranged?”

She winced. “Oooh, that’s harsh.”

“I have to call ‘em like I see ‘em.” She gave Barnette a little smile. “Hang in there. It won’t be much longer.”

“A couple of hours,” she agreed gloomily. “A lot can happen in a couple of hours. Look what happened to us yesterday.” _We got drawn into a huge trap, came far too close to losing everything, and were saved at the last minute. Now only one of us is worried about losing everything._

“Now you’re just being melodramatic,” Meia admonished her. “I’m quite sure the ship will be fine, and nobody’s going to die, or even wind up in sickbay. Whatever happens, you’re going to get through this, and I’ll still be here.”

“Errr…” _Well, that put it in perspective, didn’t it? I guess she’s right_. Her lips twitched up in an ironic half-smile. “Thanks, Meia. I’ll…keep that in mind.”

“Good,” she said, squeezed her hand again, then groaned slightly. “I’ve got to grab _my_ lunch, then go on trying to put our squadrons back together. We’ve got a lot of Dreads down, and pilots too. I’ll see you later.”

She nodded. “See you, Meia. Thanks again.”


	29. Lunch Date

Dita had only been waiting a few minutes when Hibiki walked up to her. He held out his hand, but she stepped forward and put her arms around him. It just felt _right_, especially when he did the same.  
  
“Mmmmm. It’s nice to see you again, Hibiki.”  
  
“You too, Dita.”  
  
They stepped apart, she took his hand and they got in line. Everybody was watching them, although most were polite enough not to stare. He shook his head, with a resigned expression. The line moved steadily.  
  
She squeezed his hand. “I think they’re all waiting for me to kiss you again.”  
  
He grinned. “Let’s confuse ‘em.” Then he leaned forward and kissed her.  
  
Sure enough, the talk around them kicked up about two levels. The line moved a short distance while they weren’t paying attention, so they caught up.  
  
“How did your research go?” he asked.  
  
“I found a lot of information. A whole lot. Some of it was even useful. I think I got what we need. How about you?”  
  
“Parfet’s got some people working on your Dread. They’ll take a day or two; it seems the enemy didn’t keep up with the maintenance for some reason.”  
  
She caught his sarcasm. “Why those inconsiderate bastards. They kidnap me and steal my ship, and then don’t even bother to take proper care of it! I plan to make some very pointed complaints to their management, when we catch up with them!”  
  
They both laughed as they got their lunches. Dita turned. “Look, there’s Meia.”  
  
By unspoken agreement they walked over and sat down across from her. “Hi, Meia.” “Hi, Meia.”  
  
She smiled at them. “Good afternoon, Hibiki, Dita. I’d ask how you’re doing, but I’ve been hearing about you all day. You seem to have most of your problems solved. I’m glad to hear it.”  
  
Dita said, “We’re fine, but there’s still Barnette. We’re all going to have a talk after lunch.”  
  
“We haven’t seen her,” Hibiki added, concerned. “Is she all right?”  
  
“She’s…holding up, mostly. I talked to her a while ago.” She looked at both of them. “She’s really worried about what you’re going to decide, what you’re going to do about, well, everything. She’s pretty much convinced herself that you’re going to cut her loose.”  
  
“That’s not what I want!” Hibiki blurted out. “There’s got to be another way!”  
  
“I think I found a better answer,” Dita reassured them. “I can’t guarantee anything, but I’m hoping it’ll work out, for all of us.”  
  
Meia looked relieved, a little. “I hope you’re right.”  
  
“We’ll just have to see,” she said. “At least she hasn’t caused any more trouble today. Yet.”  
  
Both women laughed, and even Hibiki failed to suppress a chuckle. He looked around, saw that they were still the center of attention, and changed the subject. “Are they ever going to get tired of talking about us?”  
  
Meia smiled and shook her head. “Not if you keep giving them so much to talk about. I heard you two practically had sex on the table this morning.”  
  
“We did not!” Dita said indignantly. “I just kissed him. Well, okay, twice.”  
  
Meia chuckled. “Thank you for clearing that up. _I_ never believed it, of course.”  
  
They laughed again, then started eating. Meia resumed her meal, too.  
  
After a few minutes, Dita looked up. “Meia? How is Jura?”  
  
Meia looked troubled. “She’s hurting. She won’t talk about it, won’t let anybody try to help, or get close, hardly comes out of her room. I had Fione take her a lunch. I think seeing anybody is hard for her, right now. I want to help, we all do, but we don’t know how we can.”  
  
“I don’t, either. We saw her at breakfast, but it was like, she wasn’t really here.”  
  
Hibiki put in, “I think seeing us, or me anyway, was extra hard for her.”  
  
Meia nodded. “It might have been. I’m going to see if she wants to go out on patrol, later. Getting off the ship might be good for her, and sometimes, facing the universe alone can put your problems into a different perspective. It’s worked for me, once or twice.”  
  
She ate a few more bites. “And I’ll make somebody else acting squadron leader. They need the experience, and Jura doesn’t need the burden. She’ll know what I’m doing, but I don’t think she’ll mind.”  
  
They all resumed eating. There wasn’t much else to say, or do, about Jura.  
  
As they were finishing up, Meia asked, “So, Dita, what is this answer you’ve found?”  
  
Hibiki scowled. “Forget it. She won’t even tell me. Thinks it’ll be fun to watch our faces when she springs it on us, or something.”  
  
Dita put her hand on his arm. “Now, Hibiki, it wouldn’t be fair to tell you, and not her. I want you both to hear it at the same time.”  
  
He gave her half a grin. “So you say.”  
  
She gave him a look of offended innocence. “Why, Hibiki, are you saying I’d lie to you?”  
  
He put his hand over hers. “Not about anything important, no. But something like this, if you think it’s funny? Oh, yeah.”  
  
She shook her head mournfully. “Hibiki, dear, you have a dark and suspicious mind.”  
  
He gave her a whole grin. “Now, how do you think it could have got that way?” They both laughed.  
  
Meia was watching them, fascinated. “You wonder why people talk about you.”  
  
They both looked at her. Dita said, “What do you mean?”  
  
“You’re so different, and yet when you’re together you seem so natural. You show us all why women and men should be together.”  
  
They looked at each other, then back at Meia. Dita said, “It’s not as easy as it looks. We’ve been through a lot, made a lot of mistakes, and had some bad times. In the beginning, we didn’t know we’d turn out to be right for each other. We didn’t know anything, really.”  
  
Meia smiled. “But look at you now. Everybody sees it.”  
  
Dita smiled back. “Yes. We love each other, and we’re right for each other, however it happened. Not everybody is. There were lots of men on that planet Gunzo, and I didn’t feel this way about any of them. Hibiki was surrounded by women on this ship for three years, and only felt that way about one.”  
  
Meia looked at Hibiki. “What about you, Hibiki?”  
  
He shook his head. “Oh, Meia, I’m the wrong person to ask about these things. It was just yesterday Dita got me to say I love her, or even admit it to myself. Us being together, and happy, that’s almost all because of her.” He squeezed her hand against his arm. “She always followed her feelings. I tried to avoid mine. And her. That was a big mistake.”  
  
Dita laughed. “He used to be pretty clueless, but he’s a lot better now.”  
  
Hibiki said, “It’s been really nice talking to you, Meia, but we’ve got to go. There are things we need to do.”  
  
Dita added, “I’m sure we’ll see you again, later.”

* * *

They were finishing the after-lunch cleanup when Dita Liebely walked back in.  
  
“Miss Gascogne? I need to borrow three chairs for a couple of hours.”  
  
“Where are you going to take them?”  
  
“That’s nobody’s business. What do you care, as long as you get them back?”  
  
“Look, missy, I’m in charge of all the ship’s stores and equipment, and I kind of need to know where people are taking things I’m responsible for. Now, give.”  
  
Dita sighed. “Hibiki’s room. I’m really going to return them in a couple of hours, though.”  
  
“All right. Take those three from the back side of the last table. They hardly ever get used anyway.”  
  
Gascogne watched her unlatch the chairs, stack them and lug them out the door. She pulled the memory-wire she chewed on from the corner of her mouth, looked at it, and mused, “Now, what could she possibly be planning to do with Hibiki and three chairs? For ‘a couple of hours’?”

* * *

Hibiki stepped onto the bridge. Everybody stared at him, except BC. “Do you have a minute, Commander?”  
  
BC looked up from her station. “Lieutenant Commander Tokai. Of course.”  
  
He walked over and stood beside the console. “Is Barnette, er, Lieutenant Commander Orangello, still confined to quarters?” he asked quietly.  
  
“For now. She’s not exactly in trouble, I’d like to release her, but she’s been…hmmm…”  
  
Hibiki grimaced. “Bumping around the ship like an unstable atomic bomb, Commander?”  
  
Buzam grinned. “Exactly! Where did you hear that? It’s perfect.”  
  
“Actually, it’s something I said to her yesterday.”  
  
“Did it do any good?”  
  
“Temporarily. Then…shit happened. A lot.”  
  
“Shit does tend to happen. A lot. What is your interest in Barnette’s status?”  
  
“Will you give her permission to go to my room for an hour or two? We’ve got a problem we need to solve.”  
  
“I think I know what problem you mean. Could you solve it in her room?”  
  
“We’d rather not. It’s kind of a matter of…neutral territory. It’s Di- Lieutenant Liebely’s idea.”  
  
“I see, you’re planning to gang up on our problem child. That might work. Can you promise me there won’t be any trouble? Any more, that is.”  
  
He braced to attention. “I will take full responsibility, Commander!”  
  
BC smiled. “Very well, Hibiki. Permission granted. And, good luck. Entertaining as all this drama has been, it would be nice to have the ship back to what passes for normal.”


	30. Negotiation

The door opened, and Barnette stepped into the room. Hibiki was instantly captivated. She wore shorts and a blue blouse — the same ones, he realized, that she had worn for their encounter in the Ikazuchi’s storage room. She’d left it open half-way down the front this time, far enough to give him a good view of what looked like the same bra. They brought back memories, as he was sure she’d intended them to. He couldn’t help thinking of the…_arresting_ outfit she’d worn on their last evening together, and was thankful she wasn’t wearing _that_. Her face showed no signs of tears, and subtle makeup enhanced her natural beauty. He realized that he sometimes took her beauty for granted, but she wasn’t letting him get away with it today. He caught a hint of the same intoxicating perfume she’d worn two nights ago. And, there was more.

He wanted her. Much, _much_ more than when she’d tried to force herself on him yesterday.

He looked away quickly, to where Dita stood beside one of the chairs she had moved into his room, and noticed that she, too, looked a little different since lunch. There were touches of color around her eyes, her lips were a more subdued pink this afternoon, her hair shone with deep red highlights and a few tiny sparkles she’d added, and she'd undone another button on her blouse. He couldn’t take Dita’s beauty for granted today, either. He felt the same sensation he had just gotten from Barnette and discovered that he wanted Dita just as much.

_These women — they have weapons that are not at all obvious. They both came heavily armed, today. Like this is a battle — or, a duel. Lipstick and perfume at twenty paces, with collateral damage among the spectators._

Dita took the initiative. “Let’s sit down.”

Hibiki started to pull a chair back, but Dita stopped him. “Don’t move the chairs, Hibiki. They’re right where I want them.”

She turned to her left. “Please don’t move your chair. It’s right where I think it needs to be.”

Barnette looked stubborn for a second, then shrugged and sat down. Hibiki sat, and finally Dita. She saw that she had positioned the chairs well; they were close together but still able to sit comfortably without bumping knees or elbows. The word that came to mind was, “cozy”.

Hibiki looked suspiciously at Dita. “How come I get orders, and she gets polite requests?”

“Because I have to be careful with her. You are fully committed to this meeting, and to me. I can trust you to stay as long as it takes, and do whatever needs to be done. She is only here because of you. If I piss her off, she can just walk out, and there is nothing I can do to stop her. You might, but not me.”

Hibiki thought about that for a second, then looked to his right. “Barnette? Will you please stay? For me? For a chance that we can find a way to solve all of this? Dita says she’s thought of something. Will you listen to her, and at least think about doing what she says, if it’s not too crazy?”

She looked at Hibiki, glared at Dita for a second, then back to Hibiki. “Fine. Whatever. I’ll stay, until I’m convinced that it’s a total waste of time.”

“Thank you, Barnette,” he said, relieved.

Dita made the opening statement. “I think we all know why we’re here. Hibiki loves both of us, and we both love him. It doesn’t really matter how we got here. It’s nobody’s fault. I can’t think of a single thing any of us did wrong to cause this situation. It’s unfair. Well, we should all know by now, the universe is unfair. We have to decide what we’re going to do about it — short of cutting Hibiki in half. I don’t think any of us would like that. Especially Hibiki. Any other ideas?”

Barnette clearly wanted to open with, ‘I take Hibiki, you fuck off.’ but didn’t quite dare. Finally she gave a short laugh. “Clone him?”

Dita laughed too. “Right, but who gets the clone? Or, do we make two clones, and ship the original back to Taraak?”

Hibiki started to say something, but Barnette said, “That would be a suboptimal solution for the original. Unacceptable.”

Dita looked at her. “At least you do care about Hibiki.”

Barnette just glared back.

Dita dipped her head slightly. “Sorry. That was un-called-for. We’re all kind of tense, here.”

Barnette’s glare faded.

Dita continued, “It seems we are agreed that even if one of _us_ would be satisfied with a clone, Hibiki wouldn’t be happy. I believe that makes The Clone Plan a bust.”

Hibiki finally managed to get something in. “You told me you had an answer.”

Barnette gave her a suspicious look, and Dita said, “Yes, but I’d like to see if you two can come up with a better one. Or, the same one.”

After a long pause Barnette mused, “Time-share? But then who sets the schedule? What if one of us gets greedy, and keeps him overtime? How would we resolve disagreements?” She frowned. “Hibiki would have to decide. He’d have to say Yes to one of us, and No to the other one. We’d all argue about it, and we’d both wind up resenting him. No, I think that one is only an option if all the rest are even worse.”

After more than a minute without anything more productive than ‘Ummm’s and ‘Hmmm’s, Hibiki turned to Dita. “I think it’s time for your idea.”

Dita sat up very straight. “Well, my solution is actually pretty simple. We get married. All three of us.”

Barnette jumped up, shocked. “What!? Impossible!”

Hibiki just sat, frozen in place. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. No words came into his head.

Dita grinned up at her. “Why? We’re from Mejere, Hibiki’s from Taraak — neither planet has _any_ rules or laws about marriages between men and women yet. We can do anything we want.” She looked to her right. “Hibiki, you should close your mouth. You look like an Old Earth fish I saw in a video. I think it was called a ‘carp’.”

Hibiki looked startled, shut his mouth, opened it again, still found no words, and closed it.

Dita laughed out loud, with maybe a touch of hysteria. “Stop it! You look **just** like that fish!!”

Hibiki started to open his mouth again, thought better of it, and settled for a scowl. _So this is what those nut-jobs on Taraak were trying to warn us about. Maybe they had a point. But they were exaggerating. Weren’t they?_

The debate was on.

Dita’s morning of research in the ship’s old data store had been extremely productive. Historically, one-man-one-woman was overwhelmingly the customary arrangement, though it was by no means the only one, and, aside from mono-sex pairings, one-man-two-women was actually one of the commonest alternatives. Many cultures had rules, some even had laws prohibiting such arrangements, even private, unofficial ones. She’d tried to find out why, but had given up when all her inquiries led back to religious rules again. Sometimes it seemed like everything that didn’t make sense had its origins in religion. Mejere and, to a much lesser extent, Taraak, were unique in having only mono-sex pairings, though the reasons were obvious, and she found it interesting how Mejere, in particular, had re-invented the ‘traditional’ male and female social roles in that context. She was well-prepared to debate almost every aspect of relationships between men and women, and a very good thing it was.

Hibiki didn’t say much, although it was unclear whether he didn’t have much to contribute, or just couldn’t get a word in edgewise. Not that it made much difference; the ladies were pretty focused on each other.

Hibiki and Dita stayed in their seats, but Barnette — she stood up, sat down, turned, paced, and disclaimed from the center of the room. Her arguments were inventive and passionate, if not always completely logical, and she seemed to have an endless supply of them. She sometimes got rude, imperious, or condescending, but never actually descended to insults, or the kind of language she’d used in The Barnette Incident. The name had stuck, and word of it really had spread through most of the Taraak/Mejere system, if not the galaxy.

_It’s Hibiki_, Dita realized. _He’s a moderating influence, even when he doesn’t say anything. Barnette doesn’t want to show him her bad side. Or, her worse bad side, anyway._

Finally, Dita clapped her hands sharply. “All right, enough!”

Barnette, currently seated, and Hibiki both looked at her in surprise.

“This is getting us nowhere. Let’s try something different. I propose that nobody say a word until—“ she looked at both of them, then to her left, “—Barnette decides that it’s time to resume the discussion. Or argument. Or whatever.” She leaned back. “At least five minutes, okay?” She held out her right hand. Hibiki immediately took it, then reached out to Barnette, who took his hand after a short hesitation. Dita and Barnette glanced at each other, then away. Hand-holding was definitely not on the agenda.


	31. Contemplation

**Dita**

She had spent part of the night and all day thinking about this, and discovered that she still wasn’t done. Did she really want to do this? It was clear that if Barnette put her mind to it, she could make the people around her completely miserable. Would she still continue to do that, or could she accept this arrangement, and make peace?

If she couldn’t, it would get ugly. Hibiki would do his best to moderate, to protect her, and if Barnette continued the abuse it would eventually turn him against her. That would make him suffer, too, and that would in turn hurt her. This had the potential to go so, so wrong.

The alternative was to force him to choose one of them. She was certain he would choose her, but a part of his heart would always belong to Barnette, and that part would suffer. Again, that would hurt her. No, this was the only way, if only Barnette could see that. Could she?

She wanted this to work. She _needed_ this to work. She had tried to show that it was the best way for all of them, but Barnette had just kept arguing against it.

Barnette had never been the chatterbox that she was, but people usually listened to what she did say. She still remembered The Barnette Incident vividly, and now she had just proved that her command of ordinary language was equally impressive, as was her extensive vocabulary. If her ability with language was an indication of her overall intelligence, she had to be one of the smartest people on the ship. Why couldn’t she see something that was so obvious?

Well, Hibiki was smart in a lot of ways, but often clueless about what he called ‘people things’; maybe Barnette was the same way. If so, that could be part of what had brought them together.

She had finally realized that Barnette would never stop arguing as long as she had an opponent.

Fine, then. Let her argue with herself for a while.

All of that is about how I feel. How does Barnette feel?

_How would I feel if somebody was taking Hibiki away from me? If some past love returned, and…_

_Oh, Barnette, oh, poor, poor Barnette! She’s been watching me take Hibiki away from her for two days and she can’t stop me! I felt that for half an hour and couldn’t stand it; what has it been like for her? I’m sorry for every mean thing I ever thought about her. She has already suffered more than I can imagine, and this ‘enhanced sex drive’ that accosted me last night, that I’m still feeling right this very minute… she must have one just like it. Would her week of sex with Hibiki have left her satisfied — or made her sex drive even stronger?_

She looked at Hibiki, thought about her own feelings, and glanced at Barnette. _Stronger, I think. She wants him, she **needs** him as much as I do, and her fear of losing him to me has made her desperate. It takes great courage to be a Dread pilot, but this threat hit her from a direction where she has no defenses, no armor. She has never had to defend her heart before, and has not the first clue how to begin. All her tactics and strategies are useless, but they are the only ones she knows._

_So then, why does she continue to battle against the only chance she has of being with Hibiki? We found no other answers that were even marginally viable. She has to know that he will never leave me, and I will never leave him, that it would be torment for us both even to try. If she tears him away from me, she will get half of him, at best, and that will make her miserable too. And here I thought I was joking about cutting him in half! If she wants him, she has to take me as well._

_And that’s the answer. She’s not arguing against the marriage; she’s arguing against **me**. She still sees me as a threat to her love for Hibiki. No, that’s not true. She doesn’t see me at all. She hasn’t seen me since I got back. She sees only a nameless, faceless, inimical entity labeled **ENEMY**, and she doesn’t know how to take the label off. She sees an enemy she doesn’t know how to fight, but has to defeat. And Barnette doesn’t just defeat her enemies, she destroys them. It’s a good thing she has only used insults and gossip._

_I’m not a threat to her. I **want** her to be happy, because that’s what Hibiki wants, what will make **him** happy. I won’t stand in her way if only she won’t stand in mine._

She hoped that Barnette could see it that way.

**Hibiki**

He hadn’t really been as tongue-tied as it seemed; it was just that, by the time he’d put together the right words, the fast-moving debate had left them behind. It didn’t matter; Dita seemed to have demonstrated that her plan was at least workable, and it looked more and more like Barnette’s objections were purely personal. He knew that it wasn’t all about sex, either, but that was the topic that seemed to be generating the bitterest disputes. No surprise there.

He regretted that his first time hadn’t been with Dita, but Barnette was there, and Dita was lost forever, until she wasn’t. Nobody had better **ever** try to tell him the universe lacked a truly cosmic sense of irony. Well, he could make damn sure that his _next_ time was with Dita. Like their good-night kiss, he was sure it would be completely different, and equally sure it wouldn’t be disappointing.

He could have found out a long time ago. He _could_ have had his first time with her.

He looked at Dita. She would have been willing, no question; it was only his own thick-headedness that had stood in the way. She had even made the first moves. But, he wondered, would that have been a good thing? They could have had sex, certainly, but would he, young idiot that he was, have been able to accept her love as well as her body? Or remain just as selfish, crabby, and borderline abusive as he’d been, the rest of the time? Dita was a package deal, all or nothing; she was incapable of giving a part of herself and holding anything back. Would he have just used her, and wound up making her miserable, or worse? He was deeply ashamed of the way he’d treated her back then, and vowed again to redeem himself by loving her completely for the rest of his life.

He turned his gaze to Barnette. What did he owe her? A lot, certainly. She’d been there for him when he needed her. He hadn’t been looking to fall in love again. He hadn’t expected it. It had kind of snuck up on him when he wasn’t paying attention. Well, his first love for Dita had snuck up on him too, only he had barely been able to admit it, even to himself, until it was way too late. And now it wasn’t. His second love for Dita had only surprised him with its unexpected power, and he’d been able to accept it almost immediately. Barnette had surely helped him with that. And Barnette was a package deal, too. He suspected that if she wanted to, she _could_ withhold a part of herself, but he was certain that in this case she hadn’t. And that, of course, was The Problem. The two most wonderful people in his life were suffering because they were both in his life. If he only loved one of them, if only one of them loved him, it would be simple. Wasn’t love supposed to be a _good_ thing?

Dita had found the only possible answer. The only way that any of them could be happy was if all of them were happy. If any one of them were hurt, at least one of the others would be too, and that would rebound upon the third. If Barnette got what she thought she wanted — to have him all to herself — it would break Dita’s heart and that would break his. And if he and Dita left Barnette out in the cold, the result would be pretty much the same.

Dita seemed to be on board with the plan — it was hers, after all — so the one who had to be convinced was Barnette. That would be a tall order. He had been dazzled by her performance in their little debate. He had always thought of her as kind of quiet and reserved, never suspecting the talent she concealed. He had fallen in love with her all over again at least twice before Dita had called a halt. Dita had already done her best. If it was up to him to convince her, and she didn’t want to be convinced, they were dead in space.

So. Dita hadn’t convinced her, and he didn’t have a chance. Who did that leave? The only one of them who could possibly convince Barnette to agree was…Barnette. He felt like hitting himself over the head with something. Dita’s time-out wasn’t an act of desperation; it was a stroke of genius, and suddenly he felt himself falling in love with Dita all over again. He realized that she had only pretended to hesitate, to decide; her choice of Barnette as keeper of the clock was deliberate and inevitable. It might not work, but it looked like it was their best shot. He would sit here, and hope.

When the time came, he would declare his unreserved approval of the marriage.

**Barnette**

_Is **she** out of her mind?_   
_Spend the rest of my life with **her?**_   
_But, with Hibiki, too…_

She felt a heat in her belly as she remembered the days, and nights, they had spent together. She wanted more. She wanted a _lot_ more. She had never been wired for women, she was wired for men, and this one in particular. Hibiki wasn’t the best man in the galaxy, far from it, but he was one of the best ones for _her_. They _fit_ together, and not just physically, in a way she suspected was pretty rare. They were lucky to have found each other. There were other men; there was a whole planet full of them right next door, but finding another _right_ man would be a long, arduous search. Besides, she’d already broken this one in. They’d learned the ways of each other. She’d have to start all over. No, Hibiki was the one for her.

But then **she** came back, and the world had turned upside-down, and buried Miss Barnette Orangello under it. It was so unfair! Why couldn’t **she** have come back a month earlier, before she’d gotten in so deep? Or a year, a few years, maybe a few hundred years later? _That_ was a pleasant thought. She also felt a rather vindictive satisfaction that she’d been having sex with Hibiki, and **she**, the, the **other woman**, had not.

_Of course, I’m actually “the other woman”, aren’t I? **She** was there first. **She** has first claim on his heart. And isn’t that a hell of a thing to have to admit, even to myself? I felt nothing but disdain and contempt for a “mere man” in those days. **She** took the initiative, built the bridge that I didn’t even know could, or should, be built. In a way, I owe **her**…everything. Even Hibiki._

That was a most **un**pleasant thought.

She was dismally certain of what would happen if she refused to go along with this insane plan. Hibiki would marry **her**; not without some guilt over her own pain, but he would be true to **her** and poor Barnette would be left to find love somewhere else. If she could. Was it the most she could hope for, to put a slight taint on their marriage? And why did she feel that was a _good_ thing? What was wrong with her? How twisted was she? When did she start wanting such, such _evil_ things? Any taint would hurt Hibiki, too; did she want _that?_ Did she want to punish him for not betraying his first loyalty to **her?**

_I am Flight Leader Barnette Orangello. To lose is to die. I do not lose._

Wait, where did **that** come from? She understood the self-evident truth of it, but wondered why she had thought of it now. She was just trying to find a way, any way, to have Hibiki to herself, not going into battle.

_I am Flight Leader Barnette Orangello. To lose is to die. I do not lose._

Again with the aphorisms? Who’s running this show, anyway? She didn’t need that sort of distraction, she had to think! She had to find some sort of workable plan before the others got sick of waiting, walked out hand-in-hand, and left her behind. There had to be a way!

_I am Flight Leader Barnette Orangello. To lose is to die. I do not lose!_

Time seemed to stop as the message burned in her brain. Why did it keep coming back to her? She was **not** in combat, damn it! She was sitting in a small room in a well-defended ship, with two people who were not threatening her life. The worst thing that could happen to her was that she wouldn’t get what she wanted.

Her heart’s desire.

She wasn’t even used to _having_ a heart’s desire.

But if she didn’t get Hibiki…

She would lose.

She wouldn’t die. She would be terribly, terribly hurt, but, eventually, life would go on. She might even, some day, find love again. It wouldn’t be easy. And, if she did, even if she found the one man in the whole universe who was absolutely perfect for her, _she_ would be different. She would bear the scars of this defeat. She had given herself completely to Hibiki, but if she lost this time, she would never forget. She would always hold back, always keep something in reserve, against her fear of another ending. She would never, completely, _trust_ anyone again like she did him, and that would be her greatest loss.

This was what she’d been trying to tell herself. She was beginning to understand. She had never been somebody’s love before, not like this. She had never really been anything but Flight Leader Barnette Orangello. To lose _was_ to die. Losing was unacceptable, so she would do **anything** to win, hurt or kill anybody she had to. She was applying the rules and tactics of space combat to her brand-new love life, and, surprise, surprise! it wasn’t going very well. At least she hadn’t killed anybody. Yet. She’d left quite a few non-fatal casualties in her wake, though. Yup, plenty of wounded on this battlefield. It was amazing the carnage one confused, love-crazed combat pilot could generate. And, of course, in any battle, you had an enemy. **Her**.

_Enough. She has a name. Her name is Dita Liebely. She used to be my friend, my comrade, my shipmate, my sister. I scolded her when she made mistakes, and was oh, so proud when she did well. We battled terrible enemies side-by-side, and always won. She’s saved my life a dozen times, and I’ve saved hers. I missed her terribly when we lost her, and was as frantic as anybody to find her. Just…not for as long. Am I ashamed that I gave up on her, and Hibiki did not? Even though I thought I was just being practical, and realistic, at the time?_

_In the end, though, he was right, and I was wrong. She did return to us, but instead of welcoming her back I made myself her enemy. Did I resent her for not being dead? I certainly resented her for coming back **when** she did! Of course, it was all for nothing. There was never the slightest chance that Hibiki would abandon Dita, or allow any force in the universe to take her away from him again. How could **she** take him from **me?** Hah! She was never the intruder, the interloper, the thief; I was. At best, I had borrowed him for a while. She has even offered to share him with me, and I, I practically spat in her face._

_Of course, that is my biggest misrepresentation. Hibiki is not a prize, or a trophy, or some sort of loot to be hoarded, he is a man: flawed, imperfect, sometimes thoughtless, occasionally foolish or even downright clueless, but never cruel, and always brave, and strong, and loyal, and wonderful in so many ways. Dita is far more worthy of him than I have proven myself to be._

_Poor, dear Hibiki, who deserved it the least, I’ve hurt you the most. I made you watch, helpless, while the woman you came to love tried to destroy the woman you have always loved. Because I know you love me. The proof was right there in front of me but I was too stupid to see it. You always protect the people you love — you can be absolutely terrifying when they are threatened, for in that, you accept no limits — but you couldn’t protect the one you love most of all from me. You could never raise your hand against me, never strike me down, even when your heart must have been crying out in anguish for some way to stop me. Every time I hurt her, I hurt you first, because you are her heart, and she is yours, and I chose not to understand that I could never hurt just one of you. Worst of all, I tried to use you as an instrument to hurt her through your love for each other, blind to how I was torturing you in the process, and for that I am truly ashamed. Oh, how can you ever, ever forgive me? How can you still love me when I’ve been such a — a bitch?_

_And what has sweet, innocent Dita done wrong? What dreadful crime has she committed to deserve such punishment as I have inflicted on her? How can I hate her just because she loves the same man I love, and loved him first? How small and mean and selfish is that? Do I really want to take Hibiki away from her, make her feel the way I’ve felt since her return? Do I want to tear her heart out, leave her lost, and alone — and broken?_

The merciless killer growled, **_Yes!_**, but she recognized that part of her now as the source of her problems, not a solution, and she finally knew what to do.

_**SILENCE!!** I love Hibiki, but I love Dita, too, and you made me forget that. You have kept me, and my crewmates alive when nothing else could, but your primary concern is death. When applied to life, your tactics lead to chaos and disaster. Know your place! I will use you when the situation calls for it, but I will not let you be the only face I show to the world. I will never give you power over me again. Rest, and trouble me not until you are needed._

_So, to lose is **not** to die. Losing is still…undesirable. What are the parameters of this battle?_

Define losing. _Not spending the rest of my life with Hibiki._  
Define winning. _Spending the rest of my life with Hibiki._  
Define surrender. _Accepting Dita’s marriage proposal._  
Any other factors? _No._  
The difference between ‘surrender’ and ‘winning’? _None._

She felt a weight lifted from her soul, because she’d been wrong the whole time. Sharing Hibiki with Dita would never be a burden; it would be an honor and a joy to share her life with both of them. She could never be “the other woman”; she would be Dita’s wife too. With Hibiki and Dita by her side, they could face anything, conquer anything, together.

She felt more tears well up in her eyes, but these felt…cleaner, than the ones she had shed over the past two days. She felt no urge to hide them from the others. She gave first Dita, then Hibiki a rather watery smile. “I’m ready. And, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated both of you, and pretty much everybody else. I won’t make any excuses. I just ask you to believe that I’m not that person any more, and never will be again.” She reached out her hand, and, after a moment’s hesitation, Dita took it.

She took a deep breath. “Dita Liebely, Hibiki Tokai, I love you. Will you marry me?”

Both of them looked stunned. To everyone’s surprise, Hibiki was the first to recover, and find that words had not abandoned him after all, and he had already made his decision.

In a strong, steady voice he followed Barnette’s lead: “Dita Liebely, Barnette Orangello, I love you. Will you marry me?”

Dita completed the formula. “Hibiki Tokai, Barnette Orangello, I love you. Will you marry me?”

They all looked at each other for a few seconds, then shouted, together, “**YES!!**”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are certain immutable constants in the VanDread universe; things that, if changed, would make it not VanDread any more. [Dita Liebely + Hibiki Tokai] is one of those constants. They _have_ to be together. Dita _has_ to be the first woman Hibiki tells ‘I love you’. They may have arguments, misunderstandings, even fights, but in the end Dita and Hibiki _have_ to wind up together.
> 
> There’s nothing that says they can’t wind up with Barnette, too.


	32. Resolution

“Barnette, I need Hibiki for a minute. I made him a promise this morning, and it’s time to keep it.”

She watched with a questioning expression as Dita led him to the bunk and had him sit down. She sat on his lap, they put their arms around each other and their lips together. They stayed like that for a long time.

Finally they came up for air. “Oh, we didn’t pass out,” Dita gasped.

Now she was completely mystified. “Dita, dear, you _have_ to tell me what that was all about.”

Dita was still breathless. “This morning. I only gave him a little kiss. I told him, when we got this settled, he could kiss me until we passed out. But we didn’t. Maybe we should try again.”

“Oh, Dita,” Barnette chuckled. “That is just so…_you_.”

She turned, curious. “What do you mean?”

“Well, _I_ never heard of anybody passing out from a kiss,” Barnette said, still amused. “I guess it could happen, but not to someone in good health.”

Dita laughed. “Are you sure?” She looked at Hibiki. “When we kissed last night I felt like I was going to.”

Barnette felt a sharp spike of jealousy, an urge to lash out, and fought it down. _I have to stop that_, she scolded herself. _They love each other, just like Hibiki and I do. I have to accept their love, and everything that goes with it. It’s what I agreed to, and there’s no other way I can keep him with me._

When she felt calmer she said, “That must have been some kiss.”

“Oh, it was,” Dita said effusively, then looked at her with sudden realization. “You taught him how, didn’t you? I tried kissing him, before, and it hardly felt like anything. Now it’s…really something.”

Both women laughed, and Barnette felt herself relax a little more. “He’s gotten a lot better, that’s for sure! His first attempts were pretty lame, but he’s learning.”

“Barnette’s Kissing Academy!” Dita crowed. “I think he’s about ready to graduate!”

“Really?” she said, still laughing, and stood up. “Maybe I should administer his final exam!”

Dita laughed harder, thought about it, and said, “Okay, that’s fair. We’re all partners now.”

She reluctantly slid off his lap and sat beside him. Barnette started to sit down.

“Hey, wait a minute, don’t I get—”

Barnette smiled _very_ sweetly at him. “You _do_ want to kiss me, don’t you?”

“Well, yeah, of course—“

She finished settling in his lap. “Then shut up and kiss me.” He did.

After a long time, she leaned back a little. “Hoooo. I think I give that an ‘A’.”

She took some time to catch her breath, then looked at Dita. “See, we didn’t pass out either. I just don’t think it can happen.”

“Okay, maybe not,” she admitted. “But it’s still fun to try!” They both laughed some more, and then she asked, “When was the last time you kissed him?”

“Yesterday—” Barnette started to answer, then felt guilt and shame rise as she remembered what else she’d done. She turned away from them, and released her hold on Hibiki.

“What’s wrong?” Dita asked, concerned.

She forced herself to answer. “Yesterday…I felt…I just _knew_ you’d taken him away from me, I’d never get to hold him again, and kiss him, and…and I wouldn’t have him in my life any more, and I…I guess I got kind of crazy. I did some things…oh, I’m sorry!“

Dita shook her head. “You already apologized. I accept. I forgive you for everything.”

Barnette still looked troubled. “I don’t think you know…_everything_ I did. You wouldn’t be so quick to forgive me.”

“No, I think I heard everything,” Dita said thoughtfully. “From Hibiki, and, _numerous_ other sources.”

“Did he tell you what I did yesterday, after our fight?”

“After…oh. He said you wanted to have sex with him. And that you were ‘insistent’ about it. You mean that?”

“Insistent isn’t nearly…” Barnette looked really uncomfortable now. ”I tried to force him to have sex with me, against his will. I even told him that was rape, a few days ago. And then I went and did it.”

“It wasn’t like that!” he burst out. “You were just…umm…”

“Rape is a very serious charge,” Dita intoned solemnly. “Hard to substantiate, too. Believe me, I know.”

“What’s hard about it? Should be a pretty simple question.” Barnette’s expression had scarcely changed, but Hibiki looked curious.

“You’d think so, but you’d be surprised,” Dita said darkly. “I was.” Her expression turned…calculating. She was keenly interested in finding out the details of that particular incident, and this was her chance. “I think this calls for an investigation. I’ll start by questioning the witness. Mister Tokai!”

“Uh, yeah?”

“An allegation has been made that the suspect, Miss Barnette Orangello, attempted to rape you yesterday, at or around 1750 hours. Is that true?”

“No!” he said forcefully.

“Did she attempt to have sex with you?”

“Uh, yeah,” he admitted, his face reddening.

“Did you want to have sex with her?”

“That’s not…” he thought for a few seconds. “I mean, I couldn’t. Not then. You know why. It would have caused all sorts of problems, for all of us.”

Dita smiled mischievously. “But did you _want_ to?”

His face got redder. “Uh, yeah.”

Barnette was watching, and listening, with worried fascination. She smiled, a little, when she heard that.

“I see,” Dita said thoughtfully. “But due to other factors you chose to refuse.”

“That’s right.”

“Did you tell her no?”

“I, uh, I, asked her to stop.”

“More than once?”

“Yes.”

“Did she stop?”

“Um, no.”

“Did you resist physically?”

“I tried to…leave her room.”

“Did she prevent you from leaving?”

“She got between me and the door.”

“Did you try to go around her?”

“Yeah, but she kept getting in front of me.”

“Mister Tokai,” Dita said gravely, “Did the accused strike you, or threaten to strike you?”

“What? No!” he exclaimed, shocked.

Dita was on a roll. “Did she threaten to kill you if you didn’t submit? Or something less, like breaking your arms or legs?”

Both of them stared at her, appalled, and shouted almost in unison, “NO!”

“Now, now, only the witness is supposed to answer,” she informed them, then went on, “Did she intimidate you? Were you afraid of her? Did you believe that she would hurt or kill you?”

Hibiki shook his head and said emphatically, “No! She’d never do anything like that. Never!”

“Was she big enough or strong enough to overpower you, so that you were unable to resist her, or escape?”

He shook his head once more. “Uh, no, she’s not.”

“Did the accused make any kind of indirect threats? For example, did she threaten to have you fired from your job, excluded from certain places of business, or evicted from your residence if you refused her advances?”

Both of them were completely baffled by that question. Hibiki shook his head again and said, “No! What is this?”

“My investigation,” she said as if surprised that they didn’t understand. “Based on the witness’s statements, I’m afraid the evidence doesn’t support your charge of rape, Barnette. Not even close.”

“But, I tried to force him,” she persisted.

“Hmmm. There still seems to be some uncertainty about this case. I guess I need to question the suspect,” Dita said breezily. “Miss Orangello, what exactly did you do to Mister Tokai?” Her voice changed to a gently warning tone. “Be specific.”

She was perplexed, and slow to answer. Hibiki asked, “What are you up to, Dita?”

“I think it’s the only way to get to the bottom of this allegation,” she replied. “Miss Orangello, we’re waiting. What did you do?”

Barnette decided to play along and see where this was going. “I…took my clothes off.” She stalled there, uncertain how to go on.

“That doesn’t sound very forceful,” Dita observed after a few seconds. “Did you take all of your clothes off?”

“No. I was still wearing a bra and panties.” _This is so weird. **What** is going on here?_

Dita grinned wickedly. “Were they as…risqué as the bra you’re flaunting right now?”

Barnette couldn’t hold back a rueful chuckle. “Pretty much.”

“Did Mister Tokai react in any way to your…exhibition?”

“Yes,” she said reluctantly.

“How did he react, exactly?” Dita pressed her, cheerfully merciless.

Barnette evaded the question, uncomfortable. “His, ah…well, I think you know.”

Dita laughed. “Uh-huh. You mean _that_ reaction?”

“Yes,” she confirmed with relief.

“What did you do, after you saw his…reaction? Was that when he tried to leave the room?”

“Yes. He…” she felt embarrassed and ashamed, but on the other hand—

She was surprised to find that she _wanted_ to talk about this, to confess what she’d done, and these were exactly the right people to hear it. She collected her thoughts for a few seconds and started again, speaking slowly.

“Hibiki tried to get around me, to the door, and I stepped in front of him. I moved close, held on to him, and kissed him, really hard. He tried to pull away and I rubbed my — I rubbed against him, all over. I told him I wanted him, and I knew he wanted me, and we didn’t have to hide any more, we could do anything…”

She was breathing harder, and Hibiki was transported back to his graphic memories of that scene. More than memories were coming up, and he was sure Barnette could feel _that reaction_, sitting on his lap as she was. He decided not to interrupt, and let her continue her odd testimony.

“He asked me to please stop, said it was a mistake, and kept trying to reach the door. He said, we can’t do this, it would make the situation worse, and I went and grabbed his, uh, his _tube_, and tried to drag him back to the bed.”

Dita giggled at that mental image, and Barnette lost track of what she was saying. Dita prompted her again, “What did you do then?”

When Barnette didn’t answer, Hibiki did. “That’s when I asked her how she’d feel if I was doing those things with you. She let go of, uh, me, turned her back on me, and yelled at me to get out.”

“Is that what you did?” Dita asked her.

Barnette nodded. “Yes.” She shot a guilty glance at Hibiki. “Ooooh, I was mad! At both of you, but mostly at him. All I wanted was to get him out of my sight.”

“And that’s everything,” Dita pressed them.

“Maybe not every last detail, but that’s what happened,” Hibiki told her.

“That wasn’t rape,” Dita said emphatically. “Not even close. Trust me, I know.”

“Well then, what would you call it?” Barnette was honestly curious.

“You tried to seduce Hibiki when he didn’t feel free to accept,” she summarized. “That’s not even remotely a crime. You didn’t hurt him, or threaten to, and a few words stopped you. I don’t see a problem.”

“I don’t either,” Hibiki assured her. “I forgave you last night, for everything. I forgive you again, right now. I’ll forgive you as many times as it takes, until you believe it.” He went on in a lower voice, “And, I hope you’ll forgive me. I’m really sorry I had to do that to you.”

She shook her head in denial. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I did.”

“But I still feel bad about it,” he said with a sneaky little smile. “Won’t you please forgive me?”

That forced a chuckle from her. “All right, I forgive you. You did the right thing, so stop feeling guilty.”

“I forgive you, Barnette,” Dita informed her. “I thought about what you must have been going through, during our time-out, and I’m not surprised if you got a little bit crazy.” She smiled. “If I was losing Hibiki, I’d probably get kind of crazy myself. And I think we’ve both been driving him crazy.”

Hibiki suddenly had the look of a man very carefully not saying anything.

Barnette leaned over, put a hand on Dita’s shoulder and gave her a friendly, sisterly kiss. “Thank you, Dita.”

She straightened up and looked at Hibiki. “And thank you too, Hibiki. You’ve been so good to me, even after everything I did, and last night…I was sunk way over my head in depression. When you came to my room, and said you forgive me…it really helped.” She kissed him again. Not sisterly, at all.

When they finished, he looked at both of them. “I’m just glad we’re done with all that now. We _are_ done with it, right?”

Dita said thoughtfully, “Let’s make sure. Do we all agree that we forgive each other for everything we all did, right up to now?”

They all looked back and forth at each other for a few seconds. “Yes.” “Sure.” “Yes.”

Dita nodded. “Then let’s _be_ done with it. No bringing back old problems, or holding old grudges.”

Hibiki looked at her. “I need to deal with a couple of old problems, before I can forgive myself.” He tried to divide his attention between the two women. “I made mistakes. It was the same mistake, with both of you. I waited for ‘the right time’ to tell you something important, and you were hurt because of it.”

He turned to Dita again. “I didn’t tell you…” he forced the words out, “…I had sex with Barnette. You were hurt because it was easier for me to think I could wait, and tell you later. I’m sorry.”

Before she could reply he returned his attention to the woman still sitting on his lap. “Barnette, I love you. I should have told you before the battle yesterday, but I was waiting for the right time. I think…it wouldn’t have been so hard for you, if you knew I could never leave you. I’m sorry.”

She looked surprised, then smiled. “I love you, Hibiki. I should have said it before, too.” She leaned forward and kissed him.

After a while she leaned back. “Wow. Suddenly everything’s so simple. Why did I have to make it complicated? We all love each other, so we should all be together.”

Hibiki looked at Dita. “I think we both needed Dita’s help. I know I did.”

“I think you’re right.” She arched her back and stretched her arms out, then back, then over her head. “Aaahhhhhh. This has been _such_ an ordeal. I feel a lot better now.”

She relaxed and looked down. Hibiki’s attention had…wandered. She laughed, then pressed her breasts against his face and looked over at Dita. “Talk about making him crazy — you see how worked up he gets over these. It’s _so_ much fun.”

What they could see of his face was turning red. Dita laughed too, and remembered how he’d touched her, and how she’d felt. She was sure it went beyond merely ‘fun’. Well, she would find out. It was clear he would be more than happy to help her explore those intriguing sensations.

Hibiki pulled back to catch his breath, which reminded the woman in his arms of trying to ‘seduce’ him yesterday, which reminded her of… “Where did all that come from, anyway, Dita? The way you cross-examined us. Don’t try to tell me you just made it all up on the spur of the moment.”

“I didn’t,” she conceded. “I went through it myself, while I was stuck on that planet. Twice.”

She’d mentioned this to Hibiki, but it was news to Barnette. She looked at Dita, shaken. “Oh, Dita, I didn’t know! You weren’t—“

“No! They tried, but I fought them off. That part was easy. It was the rest, trying to make them pay for what they did, that was such a travesty. I thought, if it happened again, I’d be better off to just kill the bastard rather than go through all that a third time.”

They both looked at her, mystified, and Hibiki asked, “What do you mean?”

Dita scowled. “If some man attacked me as I was walking down the street, tried to tear my clothes off and force me to have sex, it would be blatantly obvious to anybody that was attempted rape, right? Even if I was able to stop him from completing the deed?”

“No shit!” “Of course!” they both blurted out at the same time.

“Well, it wasn’t obvious to most of the legal system in that city. I couldn’t even get the first one _charged_ with rape, let alone convicted. They put _me_ on trial, more than the suspect! And in the end he was let off with a warning and ‘time served’ which was about ten days. I was — ‘outrage’ is far too weak a word, but it’s the best one I’ve got.”

Hibiki put his arm around her. “What happened to you, Dita? Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s kind of a long story,” she demurred, then realized that she’d wanted to tell _somebody_ about this for years. Someone much closer to her than any of the people she’d met during her exile. Telling it to the man she loved and the woman she’d be spending the rest of her life with would be profoundly satisfying.

“We’ve got time,” Barnette assured her. “We’ve solved our problems. Take as long as you need.” She slid off Hibiki’s lap and sat beside him, facing towards both of them.

Dita nodded and took a few seconds to prepare herself.

“Once upon a time, a very rich gentleman gave his youngest son a spaceship for his twentieth birthday.” She looked at them, and explained, “That was local years, so this ‘child’ was about twenty-eight standard. He wasn’t happy with such a ‘plain’ ship so he looked around for somebody to make it ‘special’ and unfortunately, wound up giving the job to us.”

Hibiki understood, but Barnette asked, “Who was ‘us’?”

“I had a job, at a company that worked on spaceships, among other things. So the Littlest Tycoon brought us a long list of customizations he wanted done, wandered around the office bragging about how swanky his ship was going to be, and was generally a pain in the ass. We all put up with it, because it was a pretty good contract.”

“He pestered most of the other women, including the married ones, then for some reason he got fixated on me, and was just completely oblivious to the possibility that I might not be thrilled about being his latest sex-toy. He was a tall, blond, rich entitled prick, with looks as good as money could buy, and selectively deaf to anything he didn’t want to hear.”

He’d looked a lot like the man-thing, in fact, but that was only a coincidence. They’d definitely been two completely unrelated assholes.

“The first few times he hit on me I was polite, and said ‘No thank you’. Then I got less polite, and just said ’No’. After a while I started saying ‘Hell no’. Finally I got totally fed up and yelled ‘Fuck off!’ loud enough for everybody to hear. Plus a few other things. That did seem to get the message across, briefly.”

“I would hope so!” Barnette said emphatically. Hibiki nodded agreement.

“So, anyway, that fuckwad went to the boss, and hinted that he should tell me to be ‘reasonable’ or we could lose a lot of business.”

“What a shithead!” Hibiki burst out, shocked.

Barnette was shocked, too. “What happened then?”

Dita grinned vindictively. “Mister Grawne was great. He tore up the contract right then and there, and told that insufferable little turd to shove the spaceship up his ass! And to never set foot in our offices again, and get the ship out of our hangar in two days or he’d have it hauled off to an impound yard. But that wasn’t the end of it, not by a long shot.”

“That spoiled little brat cried to Daddy and told him to punish the bitchy girl and the mean old man by destroying his company. But Mister Grawne called first, and told him exactly what happened, and Papa told Junior to grow the fuck up and quit whining. He gave us a decent severance payment, too, for all the trouble.”

“Then the manager of my apartment building started getting ‘anonymous’ complaints about me for, well, just about any offensive, sick, revolting thing you can think of, and some you could never imagine. She knew it was bullshit, but she was starting to think about asking me to move out anyway. She had to waste a lot of time because she was legally required to investigate each one. None of the messages was quite an actual crime, so the police couldn’t do anything. She wasn’t allowed to even try to track down the complaints herself, either, because of the ‘tenant protection’ laws. _I_ was the tenant, but I wasn’t feeling very protected!”

“I saw him hanging around the gym I used, too. I wondered what he was up to, until I was walking to the gym one day and he jumped out of an alley and grabbed me. My hands were full, and I was surprised and off balance, so he managed to drag me back in there, and tried to shove me into his car and tear my clothes off.”

“Dita!” Hibiki cried, anxiously. Barnette just looked disgusted.

Dita shook her head mournfully. “He’d been ogling me while I worked out, and sparred, and was _still_ too fucking stupid to see how dangerous I could be. I was ‘just a girl’, after all. Well, _this_ girl wasn’t going to make it to the gym that day, so I decided to get my workout by kicking his worthless ass.”

Sweet, adorable Dita favored them with a savage smile. “I recovered pretty quick, stuck a foot in his belly and shoved him off me, and got me some fightin’ room. He was bigger than me, but I had real combat training and I was a _lot_ more pissed off. I had to keep beating him down until he _stayed_ down, and shut up. It was like he just couldn’t believe what was happening.”

He’d been taller than her, with longer arms, and outweighed her by thirty kilos, but had not one clue how to make use of those advantages. He’d worked out a little, and learned a few moves because he thought they ‘looked cool’ but had never been taught to fight for life or death. He also seemed unable to process the fact that some helpless little _girl_ was beating the shit out of him with contemptuous ease. He’d continued to swing uselessly at her, and hurl abuse at her, long past the point where there was any sense to it.

“Then I picked up my stuff and walked straight to the police station to file a complaint for attempted rape.”

“And then they arrested the sack of shit,” Hibiki said with satisfaction.

“You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you?” Dita replied, disgusted. “I thought they would, too, but I was wrong. I _tried_ to file a complaint. I told them what happened, the best I could remember it, and they dithered and quibbled and muttered at each other for a while before telling me they could file a report, but there was no way the district attorney was going to prosecute such a ‘prominent citizen’ for rape so close to an election, not after the way I muddled up the case.”

Barnette and Hibiki could only sit there staring at her in disbelief.

“Oh, there was just no end to the things I did wrong,” she went on sourly. “I didn’t beg him not to rape me. I didn’t scream for help. I didn’t try to run away. I didn’t try to negotiate. I made no attempt to ‘de-escalate the situation’ and ‘reach a peaceful resolution’. I was ‘aggressive’ and ’confrontational’, and I ‘used excessive force’. They didn’t quite accuse me of ‘taking the law into my own hands’ but they sure implied it. I kicked his ass without getting seriously injured, therefore I couldn’t have been in fear for my life or my safety, therefore they couldn’t prove it was rape.”

“It was hard going, but I got them to file a report for assault. I got a restraining order, too. After the fourth time he violated it they finally put him in jail for a few days.”

She paused and took a couple of deep breaths.

“The trial was a nightmare. He got a slick expensive lawyer that was a member of the same ‘gentlemen’s club’ and they did their damnedest to put me through hell. Accusing me of having affairs with Mister Grawne and four other married men was the least of it. They even had copies of _every single one_ of those ‘anonymous’ complaints to the apartment manager and there’s no way they got any of them from her. It was all lies, but if they throw enough shit at you some of the stink just has to stick. On the bright side, once they were evidence in a criminal trial they could be investigated. They couldn’t be traced back to Fuckwad, but we did prove that none of them came from anyone in the apartment building. Some of my neighbors stuck up for me, too.”

They had also served subpoenas on everybody in the company, just because they could. Mechanics and technicians from workshops and spaceports in other cities, who’d never even met her. Most of them had been quashed for irrelevance, but a lot of people were inconvenienced, a lot of time and money was wasted, as had been their intent.

“They finally put me on the witness stand, on the last day, and I told everything just the way it happened. That lawyer tried to twist every word I said, but I was telling the truth and I got through it mostly undamaged. They even claimed my clothes got half torn off during the fight, and there was no way for me to _prove_ what really happened.”

“Then it was the entitled prick’s turn, and that lawyer led him through the most tragic, woeful tale you could imagine, about how he tried to do ‘favors’ for some nobody girl because he felt sorry for her, sure she was kind of pretty but that had nothing to do with it, and how she insulted and humiliated him for no reason at all. He made one last try to talk to her and find out why she was so hostile and abusive, and she violently attacked him and put him in the hospital for two days. They had almost a hundred pictures, blown up to about half a meter square, showing how horrifically she’d beaten him with ‘a weapon’ she picked up in the alley she pushed him into.”

She laughed maliciously. “Damn, I spent some quality time looking over those pictures! I only actually broke his nose, a rib, a couple of toes and a few fingers, but those pictures looked like I dropped a building on him. I could see why everybody believed I worked him over with some sort of club. Even I was impressed.”

“They wrapped up the trial, and that shyster made me out to be some violent, obsessed lunatic pursuing a vendetta against his poor client for no reason. The jury came back after about an hour and a half with a Not Guilty verdict on everything except violating the restraining order, and that was that. Well, almost.” She looked like she’d just bitten into something truly repulsive. “_That lawyer_ was so full of himself, after they finished slapping each other on the back for winning the trial, the slimy little shit tried hitting on me right there in the courtroom! I guess they started believing their own lies about me.”

“Well, I smiled,” she showed them a vicious, bloodthirsty toothy grin, “and asked if he wanted to find out _exactly_ how his client got all those ‘horrific injuries’. I might have cracked my knuckles, too, just a bit.”

Barnette and Hibiki returned similar grins, and he asked, “What did the, uh, shyster do?”

“Scurried off and hid behind the bailiff. I figured that meant no.” She chuckled. “Too bad. It would have been educational, _and_ a public service. I thought so, anyway.”

“Three weeks later I got a summons. Daddy’s Boy and that same lawyer sued me for the ‘grievous injuries’ I’d inflicted on that ‘innocent’ piece of…well, you get the picture. Mister Grawne introduced me to a _really good_ lawyer, she made them look like dipshits in court, and a couple weeks later he went off to plague another city.”

It hadn’t been quite that easy. The shyster had tried to turn her act of self-defense into something completely different, but her lawyer called in witnesses from the hospital and absolutely _destroyed_ their lies. All the doctors testified that every single injury was caused by a hand, foot or elbow consistent in size with hers, or by repeated impacts with the pavement. None were caused by any kind of pipe, club, blackjack, or hitherto unknown mystery weapon, or by any hulking male accomplices who inexplicably vanished into thin air after the ‘unprovoked attack’. She proved that a pretty girl two-thirds his size kicked his ass up one side and down the other without any trouble at all.

Then she unveiled their masterpiece as she took the witness stand and related a narrative of her fight. She and her lawyer had worked that thing over for _days_, getting every detail just right. Her descriptions of her various attacks and counters were interspersed with commentary on how weak, stupid, incompetent, pathetic and useless her enemy had been, how idiotic that he kept trying to hit her until he literally couldn’t get up off the ground. Those parts didn’t contribute to her defense, but that wasn’t their purpose.

The trial ended in No Judgement, but she’d made him the laughingstock of the city. He pulled a couple more dirty tricks on her, but evidently his father had all he could take. After that he spent a few days whining about how Daddy yanked his chain and demanded ‘you leave that poor girl alone and quit being an embarrassment to the family, or I’ll cut off your allowance’ and then fled the city in shame.

Hibiki squeezed her against him, with a small comforting sound. Barnette shook her head in disgust, then remembered what she’d heard earlier. “You said twice. What happened with the other one?”

Dita scowled again. “That one didn’t have money and a crooked lawyer, and _did_ have a long list of prior offenses. Harder to deal with _in the field_, as it were, but the trial was much more straightforward. The public defender still put me through a lot of shit, but he got two and a half years. Gunzo years; that’s about three and a half standard. At least now I won’t have to worry about watching my back when he gets out of prison.”

“It’s a shame you had to go through that.” Barnette leaned against Hibiki where he sat between them. “Those are the things they always told us about men, back home.”

“There are some like those, but only a very few,” Dita informed them. “Maybe a dozen in a small city like Orcadia. The lie was that _all_ men are depraved monsters.”

“I know,” she said. “At least, now I know. All the men I’ve met are good people.” She smiled and pushed her shoulder against Hibiki’s. “Some better than others.”

Dita smiled brilliantly. “You’re right. I didn’t meet anyone like Mister Alien while I was lost. I didn’t want to even date any of the men I met. Hibiki is the only man I _ever_ wanted to share my life with.”

_I used to hate it when she called me Mister Alien_. Now that he’d spent those three years without her, and she only did it once in a while, he found it kind of endearing.

“Same here,” Barnette told them. “I’ve never felt this way before, about anyone.”

“Even Jura?” Dita hadn’t heard any of her recent thoughts on that pairing.

“I’m afraid not,” she admitted. “You see, I’m only a little attracted to women, physically. There was a whole dimension to our partnership that was mostly missing for me. That must be why we were sort of off-again, on-again for most of the time we were together. And why it didn’t upset me the way I thought it should, the few times she…strayed.”

Hibiki couldn’t come up with any words for her, so he put his arm around her. That seemed to be enough. Dita was surprised, and sympathetic. “Barnette, that’s so…unfortunate. I never knew.”

“We didn’t go around telling everybody,” she said with a faint smile. “And it really didn’t hit me that hard. Honestly, I was more upset by how little it upset me.”

Hibiki found his voice. “And now?”

“She came to see me this morning and I apologized for everything. She’s not happy with me, that’s for sure. We’ll both have to deal with it. I think it will take some time for her to forgive me, not only for what I’ve done, but for the way I did it.” She considered for a time, and added, “I still love Jura, but I don’t want to live with her. It wouldn’t be fair to her, either, when I can never be who she needs me to be.”

“But you want to live with Hibiki.” Dita sought confirmation. “And, with me.”

“As I understand it, that kind of goes with being married,” she said playfully. She was so relieved to have their biggest problem settled, so pleased with the way it turned out, that nothing could keep her down for long.

Dita had another thought. “How about you?” she asked Hibiki. “This is all moving pretty fast. Are you keeping up? Are you ready for this? You’ve hardly said a word.”

He nodded. “I’m ready. I knew what I was doing, when I asked you.” He stopped briefly. _Tell them. This is something they both need to know_. “Actually, I was ready yesterday.” He turned towards Barnette. “This is another one of those things I was waiting for ’the right time’ to tell you. I already thought about it. I was going to ask you to marry me, but I was waiting until you told Jura about us.”

For once, Barnette was speechless. Dita was barely able to say, “You…you were going to marry Barnette?”

“You were gone,” he said sadly. “I didn’t know how long it would take to find you, and Barnette was… I was…”

“You fell in love with her,” she finished for him.

“Uh-huh.”

“We both fell in love,” Barnette got out. “I wanted to… Oh, Hibiki dear, I would have said yes. Yes!”

He smiled, then turned to Dita and went on, “And then you came back, and I found out how much I love you, and I didn’t know what to do. All I knew was, if I lost either one of you, I just couldn’t stand it!”

The two women shared a _look_, and Barnette said, “You don’t have to lose either one of us, and neither of us has to lose you. We’re going to make this marriage work, for all of us.”

“Do you really think we can?” he asked hopefully.

“I do. I’m ready to share my life with you, and Dita,” she said with determination. “And she’s ready to share hers with us, right?”

“Yes I am,” the redhead assured them. “I’ve been prepared for that since I thought this up last night.” She regarded Hibiki and chuckled. “Of course, I never had any doubts about _you_ accepting life with two wives!”

They both laughed, while he looked uncomfortable. Dita passed her new partner a probing look, across Hibiki. “If you work with me, instead of against me, it shouldn’t be too hard.”

“I will,” Barnette promised. “And as a first step, I think it’s only fair that you get Hibiki all to yourself tonight. I’ve kind of got a head start on you.”

Dita looked surprised, and impressed by this amicable gesture. “Are you sure? You won’t be…?”

“I won’t resent you.” She sighed theatrically. “I’ll just be there, in my room, aaalll night, aaalll alone, with nothing to do but squeeze my pillow to death and think about Hibiki…”

Dita looked a little anxious. “Barnette…”

She grinned merrily. “I’m just teasing you, Dita! I’ll be fine, there will be other nights. Lots of other nights, now. You’ll be fine, too. He’s getting pretty good at making a girl happy. Just make sure to take it slow and really enjoy yourself. And you, buster—” she reached up and tapped his forehead with one finger “—you be extra good to her.”

“Yes, Barnette. Anything you say.” They all laughed.

He looked at both of them. “Wow. We’re getting married. We’re all getting married. That’s…big. What should we do now?”

Dita stood up and held out her hands. “First, we return those chairs to the mess. I promised Gascogne. Then, we need to see the captain right away.”

* * *

Hibiki walked onto the bridge. He still got stares, everywhere. “Commander? Do you have a minute?”

BC looked up from the displays. “Hibiki, again. What can I do for you this afternoon?"

He stopped. “Could I speak to you in private?”

BC considered briefly, then disengaged the control ring and stood. “Lieutenant Coco, you have the bridge. I will be in my office.”

Belvedere announced, “I have the bridge, Commander.”

BC nodded toward the bridge door.

Outside, they found Barnette and Dita waiting for them, and together they walked the short distance. Buzam opened the door, they all filed in, and Barnette closed it. BC stopped beside her desk and they stood in front of it, hand in hand in hand.

BC smiled. “Does the fact that you two ladies are not at each others’ throats mean that you’ve solved your problems?”

Hibiki smiled back. “Most of the old ones, Commander. I’m sure we’ll find plenty of new ones, but for now, we’re good. First, could you lift Barnette’s restriction?”

Buzam looked at her. “That depends on her. Barnette, are you done causing trouble and worrying everybody?”

Barnette stood to attention, except that she was still holding Hibiki’s hand. “Yes, Commander. I was…well, call it temporary insanity.” She reached across, squeezed Hibiki’s arm and smiled. “I’m cured now.”

The XO regarded her appraisingly for a short time. “Very well. Lieutenant Commander Orangello, your restriction to quarters is ended. Conduct yourself as befits an officer and a member of this ship’s crew.”

“Yes, Commander! Understood!”

BC looked back at Hibiki. “You said ‘first’. That means there would be something else.”

Dita said, “Commander, we’d like to see the Captain as soon as we can.”

“I see. And what would this be about, Dita?”

She grinned. “We want to get married. And we want to keep it quiet until it’s done.”

BC didn’t reply immediately. Then, “I see indeed. Well, congratulations, all of you. It’s certainly a…_unique_ solution. And I think you’re right about keeping it quiet. I think I can get you in to see her in about ten minutes. Stay here. I’ll go make the arrangements.”

* * *

Captain Magno met them in her office behind the bridge. “BC says you three have something to tell me. And, that it’s ‘interesting’.”

They had agreed that Dita would explain the situation, since she had done all the research. “We want to get married, Captain, all three of us. I looked through the ship’s datacore, and there is an old tradition that the captain of a ship at sea, or in space in this case, has the authority to perform marriages. We would very much like you to perform ours.”

She laughed. “Well, now, that’s definitely ‘interesting’. Congratulations, you three. And, BC, I’ll have to find some way to reward you _properly_ for springing it on me like this. You’re lucky it’s me — you’d have stopped my big sister’s ticker on the spot.”

She looked at them thoughtfully for a short time, then gave them a big smile. “I would consider it an honor to marry you three fine young people. There’s just one problem. I’ve never done this before, and for some reason, it wasn’t included in my training.”

Hibiki and Barnette both looked at Dita. Magno and BC noticed, and looked at her too. She looked back at all of them uncertainly. “Uh, this is about as far as I got. I was mostly concerned about getting Barnette to go along with the idea. I didn’t really think about what to do if she said yes.”

Barnette said, “You still know more about it than any of us. Do you have any idea what to do now?”

Dita thought for a few seconds. “Right now we are what the Old Earthers would call ‘engaged’. It means we have formally agreed to get married. Any of us can change our minds, ‘break the engagement’, at any time up to the end of the marriage ceremony itself. I don’t think that’s going to happen, though.”

Hibiki and Barnette both looked a bit upset. “No way.” “Oh, no.”

Dita smiled. “Good. I’m not going to change my mind, either. So, it looks like we have a wedding to plan.”

Magno looked thoughtful. “All the bondings I’ve seen have been for two people. I don’t know if there’s ever even been one for three, _and_ we’re bonding you to a man. We’re going to have to figure this whole thing out from the beginning. Make it all up ourselves.”

BC laughed. “This should stir up those old bats on Mejere, and those old farts on Taraak, too. Some of them might even get carried off to a not-so-early grave.”

Barnette looked less amused. “If they find out about it, they’d probably try to stop us. Dita’s kept pretty good security so far, and I think we should maintain it. Tell nobody we don’t have to.”

Dita gave her an apologetic look. “I was mostly trying to keep it from you. I didn’t know how you might react.”

Barnette looked a little shamefaced. “I’m not sure what the old me would have done, either. I don’t think I like her very much.”

Hibiki put his arm around her. Dita said, “We all love the new Barnette. Leave the old one in the past, where she belongs.”

Barnette gave them both a slightly unsteady smile. “Thank you. Thank you both. I love you too.”

BC looked uncomfortable. “Uhum. This is all very touching, but it’s not getting us anywhere. There’s another thing, too. If we do this, will it hold up, legally?”

Barnette looked thoughtful. “There won’t be any question about jurisdiction. We’re citizens of Mejere, Hibiki’s a citizen of Taraak, we’re in the Mejere/Taraak system, and the Nirvana is the only ship commissioned in the space forces of both planets. Nobody else can claim any sort of authority over us. Any legal challenges could only come from Mejere or Taraak.”

Dita said, “There still aren’t any laws about marriage between men and women on either Mejere or Taraak. I checked.”

Barnette nodded. “Then they’ve got no existing grounds for any legal objections, and there’s a long history of prohibiting _ex post facto_ laws on principle. The most they could do is prevent anybody else from doing the same thing.” She looked at the captain. “If you get us married, I think they’d find it near impossible to un-marry us.”

Magno said, “That still leaves working out the details of the wedding itself. How can we go about that?”

Dita replied, “The ship’s old data probably has everything we need. I can go back and search some more.”

Barnette shook her head. “It would be better to do it here, if we can. More secure, and less conspicuous. Especially for me, if I’m going to help.”

Dita looked chagrined. “Of course. If people see you on the loose, they’ll know something has changed and start wondering what. Somebody might even guess right. And we definitely want your help. It’s a good thing nobody saw us together!”

As they were preparing to leave Hibiki’s quarters, Dita had discovered that she needed to visit the head. Hibiki volunteered to return the chairs, and Barnette left to wait for them near the bridge.

She looked at Magno. “I’ll ask Parfet. I’d have to go to Engineering anyway, to have her let me back into the computer room. Maybe she can even come up here and help. She and Korai helped me a lot, this morning.”

“Korai?”

“Oh, one of her computer people. She seems to really know her way around those old systems.”

Captain Magno smiled. “I’ll authorize it, barring some sort of emergency. Parfet, Korai, and whatever they need to access the old computers from here. Especially since they already know part of our plans. It’s best to keep all your security risks together.”

She continued, “The longer we wait, the more opportunity for a leak, or something to get in the way. We should have everything ready in a couple of hours, so we’ll schedule it for 1800 today. We’ll assemble all the off-duty crew, make a real party out of it.”

Buzam nodded. “I’ll announce the crew assembly at 1720, but not the reason. Let me know before that if the plan changes.”

Magno said, “Good. That should be long enough for everybody to get ready, but not for _too_ many rumors to spread. Get Communications on board first, though. No word of anything out of the ordinary leaves the ship until this is done.”

BC looked at them. “I should get back to the bridge before people wonder what I’m doing. Barnette stays here and everybody will just assume she’s still in her quarters, on restriction. Nobody will think it unusual for the Captain to be in her office for the next few hours, either. But that means only you two can get anything done, and you kind of get everybody’s attention.”

Dita laughed. “We can go anywhere. It’s called hiding in plain sight. People will be so eager to gossip about seeing us together, they won’t even think to wonder what we’re doing.” She giggled. “If we stop and kiss once in a while, that’s _all_ they’ll talk about!”

Barnette turned to Hibiki. “If you two are going to be wandering all over the ship kissing each other…” She gave him a good long one.

He looked embarrassed. The captain and first officer laughed. Dita just looked amused and shook her head slowly.


	33. Investigation

She rapped on the door. “Jura?”

“Meia?”

“That’s right.”

“Come in.”

She opened the door. The lights were at their lowest setting. Jura was lying on her bunk with one arm across her forehead.

“Would you mind if I turned the lights up a bit?”

Jura waved her fingers; she took that as assent and turned them up to a more useful level.

She closed the door and stepped over to the bed. “Do you mind if I sit down?”

“Go ahead.” Her voice sounded a little rough.

Meia sat on the edge, looking down at one of her oldest friends. _She looks tired_. She said, very gently, “Jura, I’m not here as your commander, I’m here as your friend. Is there anything I can do for you, anything at all?”

Jura gave her a slight smile. “Thanks, Meia. Actually, there is. Could you move me up the rotation, send me out with the next patrol? I think I need to get off the ship for a while.”

Meia chuckled. “I’d be glad to. In fact, I came here to suggest the same thing. They leave in less than an hour. I’ve already assigned Celise as acting flight leader, so you’d just be supervising her, in case she needs help.”

Jura thought it over. “That would be good.”

Meia smiled down at her. “You still have friends, Jura. People who care about you. We’re here for you. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

Jura closed her eyes and nodded. A few tears leaked out.

“Would it be all right if I sit here with you for a few minutes?”

She hesitated, then whispered, “I’d like that.”

Meia sat there quietly, revising the patrol and training schedules in her head. Moving Jura up meant shuffling several other pilots around in her already disrupted lineup.

After a while, Jura opened her eyes, took her arm down and gazed steadily at Meia. “Did you know?”

“Yes.” She wasn’t surprised by the question, and didn’t pretend not to understand exactly what the troubled pilot meant.

Jura didn’t show any immediate reaction. “When?”

“Sunday evening.” Meia Gisborn had no use for lies, evasions or convenient half-truths. She would stand by her actions, and the consequences. “I’d been wondering, for a few days before that.”

“How?”

“I asked Hibiki. He didn’t _say_ anything, but—“

“His face gave it away.” One corner of Jura’s lips quirked up in amusement.

“Completely.” Meia couldn’t help smiling a little herself. “He still wouldn’t say anything without talking to Barnette. We all discussed things after supper.”

“And then they swore you to secrecy.” The blonde pilot looked sour now, resentful. “And you agreed.”

“Their reasons were compelling. Especially the last one.”

She glared the question at Meia, and got her answer: “VanDread Jura.”

That wasn’t something she’d been expecting to hear. A complex series of feelings went through her as she worked out the logic.

Meia waited until her expression settled. “My first duty is to the ship, and everyone on board. I can’t let any one person take precedence over that, however much I might be tempted to. If we needed your VanDread, but you were jealous and angry enough that you couldn’t combine with Hibiki’s Vanguard, a lot of people could have died. Maybe all of us. I would do _anything_ to prevent that; keeping one personal secret for two days wasn’t even a decision. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t have done anything else. I refused to take that chance.”

That gave her a few more things to work through. After a minute she asked, “What other reasons?”

“Barnette insisted on telling you herself, after we were through with the Maddalen system. She said it was for her to do. I agreed with her about that, too.”

Jura chewed on that for a while. “You’re right,” she grumbled. “Why did you have to be right?”

“I did my best, anyway. It’s not easy to know what to do, when there’s trouble between my friends. I have to try to stay faithful to all of them.”

“Looking for sympathy?” Jura’s lips twitched upward again.

“Only forgiveness,” Meia assured her. “I don’t want to lose any of my friends.”

That got her a little smile. “You won’t.”

They sat, and lay, in companionable silence for a few more minutes, then Jura raised both arms straight up, stretched, and put her hands behind her head. “What’s the situation, outside?”

“Quiet. A little local traffic, but not much.” The Dread Flight Commander fell into ‘briefing mode’ out of habit. “Everybody’s on normal alert. We’re a little over half-way to Avalon at twelve percent light-speed, deceleration in about three hours. Patrol mission is to sweep ahead of the Nirvana and make sure we don’t run into any surprises. Should be routine.”

“Aye, aye, Commander,” Jura said with mild sarcasm.

Meia chuckled. “You asked.” She smiled, then stood up. “I’ll make the arrangements. You don’t need to muster, just report in from your Dread before 1600, and wait for launch clearance. Your call-sign will be Red One, as usual. Do you need anything else?”

Jura shook her head.

Meia walked to the door. “Should I turn the lights back down?”

“No, they’re fine.”

She opened the door and stepped outside.

“Meia?” She looked back.

“Thank you.”

She smiled again. “Any time. If you need anything else, just call me.”

* * *

Dita and Hibiki did stop, once, for a medium kiss, making sure plenty of people saw them, before continuing on to Main Engineering hand in hand. Parfet was back to looking bored and frustrated.

She gave them a big smile. “Have you two come to brighten up my day again?”

Dita said, “I’d like to check on my Dread. How are the repairs coming?” Everybody was looking at them, but none were in a position to see her face, so she gave Parfet a quick wink.

“I was just thinking about checking on that myself.” She looked around. “Omiren, you have Engineering. I’ll be in the special Dread hangar.”

“I have Engineering, Commander.”

They headed for the converted hold. As soon as they were alone, and far enough from Engineering, Dita looked at Parfet. “Is there some way we can access the ship’s old computer systems from the Captain’s office?”

Parfet thought for a few seconds. “There should be. There are optical cables running all through the old Ikazuchi’s structure, and the computers have plans showing where they all go. Most of them should still be good. I’m pretty sure I can rig something up.”

Dita looked satisfied. “Good. Do that, then come to the Captain’s office. Bring Korai, and everything you need for six people to work on a…data research project. This has her authorization, so don’t let anything get in your way.”

“Is this about the same thing we were doing this morning?”

“Yes. We’ll tell you everything when you get there. There’s a lot.”

Parfet looked at Hibiki. “What about…?”

Dita grinned at her. “My fiance knows everything. Don’t you just love some of those old words?”

Parfet thought for a few seconds. “That means he asked you to marry him, and you said yes, right? That’s great!”

“Well, sort of. We’ll explain. Don’t say a word to anybody, and try to act normal. This is still Super Secret. Captain’s authority on that, too.”

“Okay, Dita, but this had better be good.”

Their talk was cut off as they walked toward Dita’s Dread. A dozen access panels were strapped against one wall, parts of engines and other bits were laid out on the deck, and feet stuck out of the machine in various places. The trainee was sitting under one wing surrounded by boxes and racks of tools. A hand popped out of the interior and a muffled voice called, “Sixteen millimeter.” She selected a tool, placed it in the hand, and both whisked back inside.

Parfet looked down at her. “I hope they’re having you do more than hand them tools.”

“Oh, yes, ma’am! I helped open panels, they told me how to remove some of the other parts, and watched me do it, then showed me some of the things that need to be fixed. But right now, somebody has to do this and I’m the logical choice.”

Parfet gave her an approving look. “Good work. Of course, learning the tools is important, too.” She raised her voice. “Lieutenant Falos!”

Another voice echoed from inside. “Yes, Commander.” A pair of feet started moving.

Parfet laughed. “At ease! You don’t have to crawl out and salute me. Dita just wants to know the status of her Dread.”

The voice sounded relieved. “Thanks, Parfet. It wasn’t easy getting in here. We’ve found a couple more minor things but I still estimate another day and a half. Maybe, _maybe_ late tomorrow if Murphy takes a nap, but most likely the next morning.”

“Thanks, Meril. It takes as long as it takes, right?”

There was a chuckle. “Always. We’re sort of working our way from the inside out, so the hardest parts will be done first. We should know by lunch time tomorrow whether we need the extra day or not.”

“Keep up the good work. I’ll stop nagging you so it won’t take even longer.”

Another chuckle followed them out of the hangar. Parfet headed for the old computer room. “I should be there in about twenty minutes.”

They stopped for another kiss on the way back. Hardly anybody saw them, but they didn’t care.

* * *

There was a knock on the door. “Permission to enter?”

Magno answered. “Come in.”

The door opened and Parfet and Korai walked in carrying four old-fashioned flat computers. Korai also had a bag with some cables sticking out.

“Captain. We’ve made a network connection up here through one of the old cables that’s still in pretty good shape, and I’ve brought an optical router with me. Take just a few minutes to get it all connected, and it’s got good security.”

Parfet looked at Barnette in surprise, then started setting up the computers while Korai, on her knees, poked at the wall behind the captain’s desk. She found what she was looking for, popped off a small cover plate and fished around inside. She pulled a cable out of her bag, carefully removed a cover from one end, stuck it into the hole and fiddled with it. Then she stood up, holding the other end.

She removed the cover and revealed a tiny dot of green light. “Looks good.”

It took a few more minutes to get everything connected and initialized. The router sat at the head of the Captain’s conference table, presiding over Parfet and Korai’s computers. The other two were placed on a low table in front of the couch beside the Captain’s desk where Hibiki sat between Dita and Barnette. It wasn’t a very big couch, and they had to sit close together, but they didn’t seem to mind. Optical cables snaked from the router to all four.

Parfet turned to them. “Okay, Dita, tell me what’s going on. What are you up to, and why are we here?”

Dita gave her a huge grin. “We need your help planning our wedding. Me, Hibiki, and Barnette. We’ve got less than two and a half hours to do it, too.”

Parfet looked at Barnette, smiling almost as much as Dita, then back. “Yesterday she was ready to shove you out an airlock, and today you’re getting married? How did you do that?”

“We all talked it over, and we got her to agree.”

Parfet looked skeptical. “I don’t think anybody has ever won an argument with Barnette. What’s your secret?”

Hibiki laughed. “You’re right, it wasn’t easy. The only argument I could think of was ‘Please, Barnette, it’s the only way we can be happy’. Dita had a lot more, but she didn’t make any progress either. Then she got sneaky. She had us all stop talking, and let Barnette convince herself. After that, she asked _us_ to marry _her_.”

Korai looked at Barnette. “What happened?” Then she looked abashed. An outsider, butting in.

Barnette gave her a reassuring smile. “You’re Korai, right? I had an epiphany, Korai. One of those moments when the way you see something completely changes. I was acting like I was on a combat mission, trying to break Hibiki and Dita apart. That was impossible, it would break both of _them_ if I did, and there was no _need_. What I really needed was to bring him and me back together. Dita wasn’t stopping me from doing that, _I_ was!”

Dita looked at her. “You make it sound like it was all your fault—“

Barnette turned to her. “Wasn’t it?” She looked back at Korai. “Hibiki won’t be happy without both of us, and neither of us will be happy without him. I found that I can be happy with Dita, too — when I stopped being her enemy, and seeing her as mine. That was all we needed, and it was something only I could do.”

Dita gave her a rather stern look. “We all forgave each other. I guess I should have made sure we forgive ourselves, too. Come on, Barnette. No old problems, no old grudges, _and_ no old guilt.”

“Not guilt, Dita. Not much, anyway. Just being honest. And, Hibiki, your argument was the only one that really mattered. It just took me a while to see that.”

Parfet said, “So, she asked you to marry her, and you said yes?”

Hibiki chuckled. “We all asked each other, and then we all said yes. It was…”

Dita sighed. “It was beautiful, and perfect. I’ll remember forever. Thank you, Barnette.”

“It was your idea. I just finally agreed to go along with it.”

Dita smiled. “You did way more than that. You took the initiative, went the extra step to show us you’re fully committed, you want this to work, and you’ll do anything you can to make it work, for all of us.”

Magno had been watching them. “We’re supposed to be planning a wedding, and I don’t hear any plans.” She smiled, to show that she wasn’t being serious.

“Yes, Ma’am!” “Sorry, Captain.” “We’re on it.” Everybody bent over their computers and started searching.

They found that the term ‘wedding’ covered a wide variety of functions, from two people filling out a few forms in a government office all the way to multi-day grand galas with hundreds of staff and thousands of guests. Theirs would be a middle-sized one, attended by most of the Nirvana’s crew and lasting a couple of hours. There weren’t a lot of preparations to be made; it would be an ‘outdoor’ wedding held in the ship’s park, below the bridge. The grass might need some restoration afterward, but nothing else. Captain Magno would perform the ceremony and it didn’t seem that she would need any assistants.

The next issue was attire. Magno would be in uniform, since she was performing an official duty as the ship’s captain. The guests could wear whatever they wanted. That left the brides and groom, and there were literally millions of wedding pictures to use as examples. The women wore all sorts of fancy dresses, but most of the men seemed to be dressed in something called a ‘tuxedo’. They looked closely at the images. They definitely didn’t have any of those on the Nirvana.

Hibiki pointed at one of the images. “Look at this one.”

The man was wearing a military uniform. “I’ve got those uniforms they gave me.”

The leaders of Taraak had insisted that he accept a full set of Taraak Army uniforms suitable for his rank of Major. He had even worn a couple of them to a few official events. Mostly they hung in the locker in the corner of his room. They did some checking and found that if the groom was in the military, a dress or ‘parade’ uniform was an acceptable outfit for a wedding. One more problem solved.

Several, actually. This could be considered a military wedding, so it would not require a ‘best man’, ‘maid of honor’, or the small herd of ‘bridesmaids’ and ‘groomsmen’ they’d seen in most of the weddings they researched. Hibiki didn’t have any male friends close enough for the job and while Meia would make a fine maid of honor, they didn’t really need her and she’d be one more person they had to bring into the conspiracy. Simpler was better.

That left the brides. They could wear uniforms too, only they’d started out as pirates. They didn’t have any. The images showed all manner of dresses from fairly simple to outrageously elaborate, and seemingly no two of them alike, although most were white. Hibiki looked on with moderate interest; many of the women were attractive, some were beautiful, but in his opinion none measured up to either Dita or Barnette. The women, on the other hand, got more and more excited, talking all at once and passing images back and forth between their computers.

Korai snapped her fingers. “I need images of you both, from all angles.”

Barnette and Dita jumped up, stepped away from the table, and turned while Korai had her computer record the images. They sat back down as she entered some commands and after a short wait, they all saw a little Dita and a little Barnette appear on each screen. A few more commands dressed them in those fancy ‘wedding gowns’ and all of them, even Magno, started making ‘oooh’ and ‘aaaahh’ sounds. They spent quite a while putting about a hundred different dresses on the images.

Hibiki’s only concern was a practical one. “Nice. Can we get two of those in two hours?”

That halted the fashion show. There was obviously nothing like that on board, and Parfet couldn’t think of any way to make them in time. They’d have to go borrowing. Actually, Dita would, because Barnette should stay out of sight. There was quite a bit of discussion about what Dita should be looking for, and they wondered why most wedding dresses were white, but not all.

Then they had to look up ‘virgin’.

Barnette burst out laughing. “Well, I guess I don’t qualify!” They all laughed.

Hibiki looked confused. “What’s that got to do with anything? It’s like they thought there was something wrong with a woman if she had sex. There’s nothing wrong with you.” He smiled at her. “I think everything about you is just right.”

Barnette smiled back. “You say the nicest things.” Then she looked thoughtful. “But what about the men? Are they supposed to be virgins too? Most of those tuxedo things are black.”

Investigating that left them more confused than ever.

Dita summarized, “So they thought men could have sex, but not women. And the men weren’t supposed to have sex with each other. How was that supposed to work?”

Korai found something. “Look at this, everybody!”

She sent an image to all their computers with an obviously pregnant woman wearing an elaborate white wedding dress standing next to a man in a black tuxedo. Both of them, and the people around them, were smiling widely.

Magno studied it for a few seconds. “So they didn’t always follow their own rules.”

Barnette thought about it. “Their medical tech was kind of primitive back then. If a woman had sex with a man, she could get pregnant, even if she didn’t want to. The only way to be absolutely sure was not to have sex at all.”

Dita frowned. “And men can’t get pregnant, so I guess they didn’t think it mattered. That’s kind of unfair.” Then her expression brightened. “At least we don’t have to worry about that any more.”

No, they didn’t. Barnette and Hibiki both remembered their talk in his quarters a few days ago, and nodded their agreement with Dita. Some day they would be ready to have children, but until then they’d only have to think about it twice every two standard years.

Dita looked at her fiancee. “If you don’t wear white, I won’t either.”

Barnette chuckled. “Whatever we wear, it’s going to be limited to what you can find to borrow. I don’t really have anything suitable.”

Then she said, “Look, Hibiki,” in a soft voice.

She was almost…shy. On her screen, the Barnette and Dita images were turning slowly, wearing mid-length white dresses. They weren’t elaborate, but simple, and very similar.

“Hibiki?”

He realized that he’d been gazing at the screen for a long time. He looked back up at her. “Oh, wow, Barnette…”

He snapped out of it, mostly. “Dita, look. If you could find anything like that…”

Dita looked for a long time, too. “Oooooh, Barnette…”

Now they all had to look. They copied the images with another chorus of ‘ooooh’s and ‘aaaah’s. Everybody agreed that those were what Dita should look for, even if she wound up having to settle for something else.

Magno said thoughtfully, “It looks like all that’s left are the ‘vows’. What I’ll say, the terms you will all agree to for your marriage.”

Hibiki put his hand on Barnette’s knee. “Words. We’re lucky, we’ve got an expert here.”

Magno grinned. “All right, Dita, you’d better get going. Those clothes aren’t going to borrow themselves.”

Dita stood up and headed for the door. “I’ll see what I can find.”

The rest all started looking up ‘wedding vows’.


	34. Deployment

Meia walked into the ready room and stood at the front. “Attention for pre-flight briefing!”

All the assembled pilots stopped talking and faced toward their Commander. There were still a lot more of them than needed to be here; gossip about Dita, Barnette and Hibiki continued unabated.

“I see all of you are here, and ready to deploy. Good. Celise will be acting flight leader. If she asks for advice, give it. If not, keep it to yourself. If anybody does anything to undermine her authority, you will be dealing with me after the mission. You won’t like it.”

“This should be a routine patrol.” She smiled. “They’re all supposed to be routine, even the ones that turn out not to be, so don’t get complacent. We don’t think there’s any way the enemy could have had time to react to our action at Maddalen, but we can never be sure.”

“Jura is going out on patrol with you. We all know she’s going through a hard time right now, so try not to intrude on her privacy. Squadron comms only. If she wants to talk, she will. Celise, if you need her help, call her. That’s included in squadron comms. Her personal problems are not allowed to impact the mission, or your safety.”

“Don’t let her wander off on her own. If she leaves formation, or doesn’t follow the patrol course, stay with her. Don’t crowd her, try not to be obvious, but don’t let her out of support range. That goes for the rest of you, too. Stay in formation, keep track of each other, watch long-range, short-range, and make sure tail-end Charlene is keeping an eye on your six. Be careful about rocks, hulks, anything that could hide…anything. Assume there’s something anywhere there _could_ be something.”

She nodded to them and stepped forward, signifying the end of the briefing.

Rika gave her a worried look. “You’re scaring me, Commander. Is there something going on? Will there be an attack?”

Meia looked frustrated. “I don’t know. Something feels…off. Creepy. Like there’s something, lurking, somewhere. I can’t make any sense of it, but I can’t shake it, either.” She smiled. “Just be careful, okay? It’s good training. You should always be looking for anything, from anywhere.”

* * *

She was checking engine and weapon status, ammunition load, and everything else for about the twentieth time when her comm came to life.

“Red One, this is Nirvana Control. You are cleared to launch.”

“Nirvana Control, Red One. Acknowledge.”

Jura placed her hands on the control pads, felt the power humming through her Dread, felt it become almost a part of her. An imperceptible motion of her fingers, more thought than action, sent them shooting down the launchway and out of the ship. Several of the other Dreads in her squadron — no, Celise’s squadron, under her supervision — were already settling into formation. She found her place, slid into it almost without conscious effort. It felt _good_ to be back out here, joined with this wondrous machine. They had both been right, she _needed_ this. She felt free, and powerful, and intensely alive.

She brought up the squadron channel. “Flight Zero-Two-Five Leader, this is Red One. In position.”

Celise answered with crisp precision. “Red One, Flight Leader. Position confirmed.”

Within a few more minutes all the remaining Dreads joined them and Celise established their initial course. The patrol moved out. Ordinarily they stayed away from a system’s ecliptic, which tended to be full of leftovers from its formation, small particles and debris that formed a minor hazard and a major annoyance to small craft like theirs. Today they were sweeping the Nirvana’s flight path, right through the middle of it all. They would have be prepared for more drain on their shields than usual, as a result.

Her position was at the leading edge of the formation; all the other Dreads were beside or behind her and when she rolled twenty degrees, none were visible through her canopy. Her instruments told her their locations with inhuman precision, but to her body’s senses she could be alone in the universe. Meia’s doing, she was sure. She had probably also told them to keep an eye on her, but otherwise leave her alone. She could live with that. It took hardly any of her attention to hold station.

She gazed out at the stars, into the depths of space. It was a welcome change from the confines of her room, or even the ship. She felt like her soul had room to spread out, and unwind the tangled knot of her troubles. Those seemed smaller, too, held up against such a backdrop. She felt better than she had in days, since even before the reason for Barnette’s recent distance and withdrawal had been slammed in her face, when she found out that Barnette and Hibiki were having sex, were probably in love.

Well, now, _that_ was confirmed.

She and Barnette had been together, more or less, for almost six years, but they had kind of stopped a long time ago, somewhere beyond ‘casual’ but well short of ‘forever’. Barnette was right, there had always been a sense of something missing, something that just…didn’t fit. They both knew what that was now.

She thought back on the information about men and women that had been provided to them. Some women were sexually attracted to other women, most were attracted to men, and some to both. She felt that she, herself, was probably in that group; she had been kind of half-seriously interested in Hibiki for a while, sometimes fantasized about what it might be like to make love to a man, had even looked a few of them over, but without any real urgency or intent — after all, she had Barnette.

Now it was clear that Barnette was in the second group. The odds had always favored that; it was by far the largest. So Barnette was attracted to men, had always been attracted only to men, even before she had ever seen one. Without being consciously aware of it she had always been looking for something else, something that was not available. She had wondered what was wrong with her, why she felt so unsatisfied with what she had always been told she _should_ want. Barnette had never shown any interest in any woman other than her, and she had always found that reassuring, but this knowledge put that in a different light.

She swept her gaze around the starfield, then made a thorough check of all her instruments. Her Dread was functioning perfectly — she could _feel_ that — the squadron was holding formation, nothing showed on any of her scanners, no out-of-place signals registered on her EW receivers. Her active ECM was on standby, ready for immediate response. There were no threats, no enemies, nothing to shoot at and nothing shooting at her.

Barnette had always seemed kind of cool and distant with everybody. Could that be the reason? When she didn’t feel what she’d been told she was supposed to feel, could that have led her to distrust all her feelings? That would be a hell of a way to go through life.

How many millions upon millions of women on Mejere, and men on Taraak for that matter, were in the same situation? Pushed by circumstance and social pressure into relationships that went against their nature, unknowingly longing for something they had never seen? Were their own problems just a tiny part of something much larger, a small sample of a misery that spanned the whole star system? It would seem so.

She surveyed the cosmos and checked her instruments again. All clear.

Four years ago all their lives had been turned upside-down when they were thrown a vast distance from home, their ship transformed into something none of them understood, and three…_men_ dumped into their midst. None of them knew what to do about any of those things, much less all of them together. What had it done to Barnette, suddenly confronted with what she had been unconsciously searching for her whole life? If she distrusted her own feelings, that would certainly explain her instant hostility.

But the men hadn’t gone away, and Barnette had to see them, work with them, nearly every day, especially Hibiki. He’d been there, always near, fighting for them and with them, slowly gaining their trust, and respect.

She’d seen Dita, who had never shown any interest in other women at all. Who had always trusted her feelings, had followed them, and Hibiki, without hesitation.

Misty had joined them, and told everybody that love between men and women was natural and right.

She had watched Dita and Hibiki slowly, awkwardly, grow closer.

Then Dita was gone.

Hibiki’s long, long, desolate search for Dita had touched them all, left them all longing to help him, comfort him, and Barnette had felt it too. She’d finally done what her body and emotions had always wanted her to do. Was that so terribly wrong?

Then Dita returned to them. To Hibiki.

What did that do to Barnette? To find what she’d always been searching for, feel what she’d never known she could feel, only to have it all snatched away after a few days — she must have felt that the universe was being deliberately and _personally_ cruel to her. Her emotions, once set free, couldn’t just be turned off, and it seemed that she had lost control of them.

That had left her feeling hurt and betrayed, but was that really Barnette’s fault? She had suffered much more and longer, never allowed even to know what she wanted and needed, told that she _should_ want something she didn’t. She had finally found out the truth. ‘This is who I am,’ she’d said. ‘Who I have always been’.

No, the real fault lay with those who knew, and kept that knowledge from them. With Grand-Ma, Grand-Pa, and the Firsts. What gave them the right to control who people can and can’t love? Because taking away their choices by denying them the truth amounted to exactly that.

The order came in for a course change and she acknowledged. The formation shifted slightly and rotated, as they all lined up on the new vector. She kept her position easily. Still no contacts, nothing out of the ordinary.

She took in her new view. Nearly half the sky was occluded by the great nebula that partially isolated their star system from the rest of the galaxy. Some day, hundreds of millions of years from now, gravity would finish its job of crushing some of that gas and dust into a dense ball, raising its pressure and temperature until protons deep in its core were slammed together with enough force to stick. There would be a great burst of heat and light, and a new star would shine down upon Mejere. It would probably have its own planets, and conditions on one or even two of them might eventually become favorable for organic life.

She wouldn’t be around to see it, of course. The whole human race might be long gone. That wouldn’t matter to the new star. Her problems certainly wouldn’t.

She did another sweep and instrument check. Still nothing. She, and the squadron, were safe. The Nirvana was safe. All her friends were safe. That was her job, keeping them safe.

In all that vast universe only her friends cared about her — and like it or not, she had to count Barnette among them. Barnette, whose parting words to her had been, ‘Good luck’. If there was an attack, if she were in trouble, her friends would come to help — with Meia, Dita, Hibiki and, yes, Barnette leading the way. She had no doubt they would all risk their lives to save her. And if Barnette were the one in trouble? She would help, along with the others. She could do nothing less.

She still felt angry, hurt and betrayed. She would, for some time. It would be quite a while before she had anything more to say to her former partner. When she did, she had no idea what it might be.

Barnette would understand.


	35. Final Planning

Dita headed straight to the Dread pilots’ ready room where she was sure to find plenty of people who were already interested in the situation. The 1600 patrol had just left, the 1200 group was coming back, and the off-duty pilots were looking for something to talk about. She told them she needed to borrow some more clothes for a few days. When she mentioned that she was looking for ’something special’ to wear for Hibiki, word spread, more women came, and the room filled up. It was even true, if just a bit incomplete.

“What’s going on here?” Meia stood at the door. She had to. She couldn’t get inside.

Everybody answered at once. She soon got the picture.

She was smiling, but, “This has to stop. It was bad enough with all the off-duty pilots in here gossiping, but we could need the room for its intended purpose at any time. You’ll have to move this party somewhere else.”

’Somewhere else’ wound up being the eating area in the ship’s mess. Gascogne allowed it, as long as they had it cleared out and cleaned up in time for supper. Dita knew it wouldn’t be needed tonight, but now was not the time to say anything. Meia joined them, though she didn’t have much to contribute. She’d never had much interest in civilian clothes. The room still wasn’t big enough for everybody at once, but there were enough comings and goings that it didn’t get too packed.

Several Taraak crewmen wandered in too, curious about the noise. Most wandered back out after a short time, but a couple stayed longer. Somebody thought to ask their opinion, and soon they were surrounded by a small crowd, talking, laughing, and holding up various items. They looked intrigued, if a little intimidated. When it came time for Dita to try things on, they were firmly directed to face the other way.

She told them she wanted to wear something white, and while it wasn’t the most common color for clothing, there were over two hundred off-duty women and they turned up a wide variety of blouses and tops. She selected four, making sure two of them were just a bit loose on her. There were several white wrap-around skirts, and she found two almost the same length. Best of all, they would fit anybody. Dita thanked them all profusely and assured them that Hibiki would be very happy.

She stopped off in Hibiki’s room and got a few things out of her boxes, then headed back to the captain’s office.

* * *

Korai sifted through their data, limiting it to ‘wedding vows’. There was still a huge amount of information. They started digging through it.

Barnette looked up, perplexed. “Why is so much of this about Old Earth religions? Those don’t matter to us. I don’t think they matter to anybody on the Nirvana.”

Parfet said, “We ran into the same thing this morning. Those ‘churches’ seemed to be really concerned about sex and marriage. It was like controlling people’s sex lives was one of their biggest priorities. We didn’t find out why.”

Hibiki suggested, “If we cut all that stuff out…”

Barnette agreed. “It would reduce our workload significantly. How about it, Korai?”

Korai started working on her computer. “I’m on it. Give me a minute.”

Barnette read some more. “Here’s something odd. In this one, the wife promised to obey the husband, but there’s nothing about him obeying her.”

There was silence. Hibiki looked around, saw they were all looking at him. “What? I didn’t write it!”

Barnette grinned. “Just don’t get any ideas.”

She went back to reading. “Hmmm. Some of this is kind of redundant. Richer or poorer, better or worse, sickness and health, good times and bad…nice sentiment, but shorter…”

Korai announced, “Done. That reduced the data set by over forty percent.”

Everybody reloaded and continued. Barnette had a text box open with a number of words and phrases she’d selected from various places. From time to time she’d add another one, move them around, or remove something. Hibiki pointed some things out, and she accepted a couple of them. Finally, she decided she had everything she needed, opened a new text box that appeared on all their screens and started composing. They discussed every part, every line, practically every word. It started to grow out of control.

Barnette stopped, and erased most of it. “I think we should keep it simple. This is our wedding, not a corporate labor contract. We don’t have to cover every contingency; if one of us starts trying to weasel out of something on a technicality the marriage is already dead, and nothing we write here will save it. Let’s not plan for that. Let’s count on all of us wanting to keep our marriage alive, keep us all happy, and face whatever comes together.”

Hibiki put his arm around her. “You’re right. Show us what you have in mind.” Magno, Parfet and Korai all nodded.

Barnette pointed to the remaining text. “We start with the introduction. Are you satisfied with it, Captain? That part’s pretty much all you.”

Magno read through it one more time. “I think we got that worked out. I don’t see anything to change.”

Barnette moved the cursor down. “Next, the presentation. Does anybody want to change the order? Or, maybe, change it to all at once?”

Parfet flipped one hand palm-up. “Words can’t be said all at once, so there has to be some order. I think it’s good.” Hibiki nodded agreement.

Barnette moved the cursor again. “This is the summary. What we’re doing, and our reasoning. It’s one of the most important parts, and one of the longest.”

They made a few changes, discussed it, made a few more, moved phrases around, removed a couple of words. Captain Magno read it out loud, and they made some more changes. Finally they were all satisfied.

Barnette indicated the next part. “Almost everything I saw had this provision for objections from the audience. I think I understand the reasoning. If somebody tried to make trouble later, everybody else could say ‘you had your chance, and it’s too late now’. Anyway, it’s traditional.”

They all agreed to leave it in.

She selected the final section. “The conclusion. After you say this part, Captain, the marriage should be binding, and legally enforceable. Nobody should be able to break it without our cooperation.”

They looked it over and made a couple of small changes.

Hibiki asked, “What about rings? Most of those weddings used rings.”

Barnette shook her head. “We don’t have any rings, and if we tried to make or borrow _three_ rings people would really start wondering why. Maybe we’ll get some later. Besides, if somebody tries to break our marriage, rings wouldn’t make it any harder.”

“I guess you’re right.”

She moved the cursor one last time, to the blank space in the middle. “Now for the hard part. The actual vows. The terms we agree to accept, the contract, if you will. I think the terms should be exactly the same for each of us, meaning we only have to write it once and substitute the names.”

They all agreed that was fair, and she started the job. Several times she threw away nearly everything and started over. They slowly worked out a series of fairly simple, concise agreements that covered everything important they could think of without getting bogged down in details. They were starting to finish up when Dita’s voice sounded outside the door.

“Permission to enter?”

Magno called out, “Come in.”

She opened the door and walked in with her arms full of white clothing. Hibiki got up and shut the door while she dumped her load on the couch.

Barnette looked it over. “So, you decided to let the ‘fallen woman’ wear white.”

They all laughed. Dita said, “The Old Earthers didn’t follow their own rules, why should we? Hibiki’s right. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Barnette picked up the top item, one of the skirts. “Good choice. What else did you get?”

“Two blouses for each of us and another skirt. You’re going to wear those shoes?”

Barnette looked down, at her simple dark blue shoes. “They should do. I don’t have any white ones, and trying to borrow shoes that fit…”

Dita nodded and held up a pair of her old boots. “If I trim the top parts off the rest is mostly white. They’re a little tight these days, but I don’t have to wear them for very long.”

She glanced at Hibiki, then back. “What about…”

Barnette laughed. “What I’ve got on is fine.”

They got everything sorted out and laid across the couch arm. Dita sat down, and Hibiki sat between them again. Barnette showed her the nearly completed wedding script. She looked it over on her computer, then copied it to another text box and made some changes.

“Look, if we change the order like this, we can really surprise everybody.”

Barnette looked. “I thought it went more naturally the other way. Are you sure you want it this way?”

Dita grinned. “They’ll be seeing this on Mejere, eventually. Think of the looks on their faces.”

Hibiki grimaced. “You’d better get used to it. She really likes to spring things on people.”

“All right. It matters a lot more to you than to me.”

Barnette made the changes, then they went over everything carefully and finished it. Magno got a small paper notebook from her desk, and Barnette wrote everything down on the first blank page. She started to hand it back, then changed her mind and wrote it all on the next page too.

This time she did return it. “Just in case.” Magno nodded approval.

Dita pulled out a long green ribbon. “Bridal bouquets. We should both carry some flowers, tied in a bunch. I got the ribbon, so Hibiki, would you be a love and find us some flowers while you’re getting your uniform?”

Both Dita and Barnette smiled at him, very sweetly.

He sat there for a few seconds, then got the point. “Uh. Right.” He stood up. “I’ll go get those, right now.”

Barnette said, “And don’t hurry back. We won’t be ready for at least twenty minutes.”

* * *

At 1720 BC’s voice echoed throughout the ship. “May I have your attention. All off-duty crew members are invited to join us in the ship’s park at 1800 for a special announcement from the Captain. Supper will be served in the park afterward. We look forward to seeing you all there.”

* * *

Dita and Barnette took some time selecting their outfits. They discussed the clothing she’d borrowed, holding the tops up, trading them back and forth, giggling. Parfet made ‘helpful’ observations and giggled along with them.

Korai split her attention between watching them and scanning idly through the records they’d dug up. After a few minutes she ran her fingers through her shoulder length lime-green hair, looked at DIta and Barnette, and observed, “Our hair sure has changed a lot since the Firsts came here from Old Earth.”

“A lot more than our hair is changed,” Dita said off-handedly. “That will look really good on you, Barnette. Don’t you think so, Parfet?”

The engineer nodded enthusiastically. “It does. I think you found the right one.”

“What do you mean, a lot has changed?” Korai asked, curious.

Dita looked at her. “When I got dumped on that planet they did a complete DNA scan on me, trying to figure out who I was. They found a lot of things that were modified.”

Magno looked up from her computer, where she was taking care of some administrative chores associated with this wedding and the crew assembly. Barnette and Parfet showed interest, too.

“Like what?” Korai insisted.

She fingered her own red hair and said reflectively, “Things like stronger teeth, thicker bones…those are probably because of the gravity. We’re resistant to most diseases and infections. Digestive adjustments and metabolic balance — did you know women on other planets can get fat if they eat too much, and don’t force themselves to exercise?”

“Why would anybody eat too much, or not exercise?” Korai asked, puzzled.

“Because they don’t have our genes,” Dita stated. “Most of the women I knew were jealous because I didn’t want to overeat, or skip my workouts, but they had to work so hard at it. And, I didn’t have to remove hair.”

“Remove…hair?” she asked, mystified.

“They had hair, all over, even on their faces,” she explained. “Not thick hair, but it was considered unsightly, and they did all sorts of things to get rid of it. We don’t grow hair anywhere but our scalps, eyebrows and…well, there.”

“Anything else?” Barnette asked with keen interest.

“They said I might have an ‘enhanced sex drive’,” she said, growing a little more embarrassed. “But I never noticed anything like that until…”

“Until what?” Now Parfet couldn’t contain her curiosity.

“Umm…until I kissed Hibiki last night,” she admitted. “I felt something, before the kiss, but that’s when it really hit me.”

Parfet and Korai giggled, Magno chuckled, while Barnette felt a small jealous rush. When it subsided she asked, “What did you do?”

“I, uh…I…” she said, really flustered now, “…told him we had to stop, or we’d wind up fucking on the floor, right there in the passageway.”

All of them laughed while she looked down, blushing furiously. Barnette felt relieved, as well as amused. “You didn’t tell me that,” she teased.

Dita blushed redder, but looked her in the eye. “It’s kind of your fault, you know, for teaching him to kiss like that!”

They all laughed harder, and Dita joined in. Then they went back to choosing her wedding outfit, with renewed giggling.

After a while they heard, “Permission to enter?”

Magno answered, “Come in.”

Hibiki opened the door, stepped into the room carrying his uniform and a large handful of flowers, shut the door and started forward. Dita and Barnette had been helping each other with a few final adjustments to their wedding attire. They turned to face him, and smiled. He stopped.

Dita said, “What do you think?”

They hadn’t quite matched the dresses Barnette pulled out of the computers, but they had come reasonably close. He couldn’t speak for a short time.

Then, “Dita, Barnette…you both look so good I want to marry you right this minute.”

Both their smiles got bigger. Dita said, “You really do say the nicest things.”

He grinned at her. “I think the whole ship already knows I was getting flowers for you.”

She held out her hand and he gave them to her. “Aw, that’s so sweet. Thank you.”

Barnette chuckled. “As long as nobody figured out they’re for me, too. We just have to keep this all secret for another half hour, and we’ve got it made.”

Korai looked puzzled. “Why does it have to be such a secret? We’re not doing anything wrong.”

Barnette laughed a nasty laugh. “Oh, what we’re doing is _much_ worse than wrong. It’s disruptive. It will start people thinking, questioning ‘what they always knew’, wondering what else might be possible. That’s dangerous, to those who want to keep people under their control.”

Korai asked, “You mean Grand-Ma?”

Magno nodded. “And the rest of the Firsts. They were dragged into this whole situation kicking and screaming from the beginning.”

Now Dita looked confused. “I thought bringing men and women together was their idea.”

Magno shook her head. “No, that was just bowing to the inevitable. They would have liked to do just about anything else. You forced them into it.”

Hibiki had a nasty laugh, too. “We’re the heroes of the Harvest War. We destroyed their world-killer, wiped out most of their fleet, and sent the rest running back to Old Earth. Everybody in the system knows we saved their lives with men and women working together, and the military knows it the most.”

Magno went on, “What they _wanted_ to do was keep running their little empire just like they always had. They’d even arranged to go on running it by proxy after they kicked off, through us. But, you can’t push people around when the military won’t support you. Hibiki’s right, they were the ones most aware of who saved them, and how. For a short time there, my elder sister could get almost anything she wanted. I’m glad she was wise enough to demand so little.”

Barnette said bitterly, “And they’re still dragging their feet as much as they can. It’s been more than three standard years, and they still don’t have any legal standing for marriage between men and women. They could have taken care of that in two weeks. At least it works to our advantage, at the moment.”

She looked at Dita. “I’ll bet they were all relieved when you were taken. If that hadn’t happened, they would have been forced to deal with it. You and Hibiki would probably be married by now; he’s not a _complete_ idiot, after all.”

“Hey!” he said indignantly.

She took a step forward and pressed herself tight against him. “We wouldn’t be together,” she said in a small voice.

“Hey. Don’t…don’t say that.” He put his arms around her. “Don’t even think it.”

“I can’t help it. I think about everything, all the time. Sometimes I’d like to…not.”

“You don’t have to think about that. We’re all together, and we’re getting married in half an hour. We’re almost there.”

Dita said, “They don’t actually have any way to stop us, do they? I’m sure they’d try, and make things harder and more complicated, but we could still do it, right?”

Magno frowned. “They could simply order me not to, and there is nothing compelling enough about the situation to allow me to defy such an order. They could get your marriage canceled if I did.”

Magno proved that she also had a nasty laugh. “Of course, there’s nothing that compels me to tell them. This is my ship, you are all members of my crew, so this is an internal command decision that I am completely justified in making on my own. They’ll be upset with me, of course, but they won’t have any actual grounds for complaint.”

Parfet looked worried. “You’re sure there’s nothing they can do to you?”

She shrugged. “My next promotion might be delayed. And as Barnette says, they’ll find it mighty hard to un-marry you after the fact.”

Barnette turned in Hibiki’s arms and said thoughtfully, “We can make it even harder.”

They all looked at her. Magno said, “Oh?”

Barnette showed them all a remarkably evil grin. “This is big news. The first marriage between men and women in this star system, ever. We would be remiss in our duty to posterity if we just kept it to ourselves. I propose that we broadcast the proceedings to the entire system, live. But, we can’t use the hypercom. That’s technically a secure military system, so it really shouldn’t be used for something of this nature.”

Magno had an even eviler grin than Barnette’s. Maybe she just had more practice. “We’re over forty light-minutes from Mejere, and almost fifty from Taraak. By the time they see it, the deed will already be done. They can only watch, knowing it’s way too late to stop us. I like it. Parfet, how hard would it be for you to set that up?”

Parfet could only muster a slightly evil grin. “It would take about ten minutes, Captain.”

“Good. We’ve got time. You’re already set up to show it ship-wide?”

“We’ve made that a standard configuration. Takes about two seconds.”

Magno laughed. “Outstanding. Maybe we should give you a raise!”

Parfet stood up. “I’m off to Engineering and Comms to set up our broadcast. I’ll let you know when it’s ready.”

Korai was still confused. “I still don’t see why they’d want to stop you from just getting married.”

Dita got a sour expression. “They did the same thing back on Old Earth, and it was handed down to a lot of other planets too. What we’re doing, both of us marrying Hibiki, most places had laws against that. They’d send us all to prison, for loving someone they didn’t want us to.”

Barnette was shocked. “Now, that’s insane! We all love each other. We just want to be happy. Why should that matter to anybody but us? We’re not going to hurt anybody. We’re not even going to affect them!”

Dita still looked sour. “I didn’t say it made sense. Most of it seems to go back to those Old Earth religions. They managed to impose their rules on everybody, even people who weren’t members of their churches.”

Hibiki held Barnette close. “They don’t have those laws here. We don’t have to worry about it.”

Barnette sounded sour, too. “What do you want to bet they start passing them?”

Nobody answered.

Dita said, “Captain, there’s one more thing. At lunch today, Meia said she was going to ask Jura about moving up in the rotation. Well, they did it. Jura’s out on patrol now, and won’t be back until after the wedding. We don’t want her to think Meia did that to get her off the ship. She’ll feel worse than ever!”

Captain Magno said decisively, “That won’t do.”

She poked at her control console for several seconds. “Nirvana Control, I have a priority message for Lieutenant Commander Jura Elden. Do not monitor.”

After a few seconds a voice replied, “Priority channel to Red One ready, Captain. Will not monitor.”

Captain Magno tapped TRANSMIT.

* * *

Her comm signaled an incoming command priority message. She put the squadron channel on listen-only, then accepted. She was surprised to hear the captain’s voice.

“Lieutenant Commander Elden, this is Captain Magno. I wanted to tell you this personally, Jura. You will probably find it painful, and I’m sorry about that. We will be having a crew assembly at 1800 this evening. The subject of that assembly is the wedding of Dita Liebely, Hibiki Tokai…and Barnette Orangello. Now that I’ve told you, eight people know that. Lieutenant Commander Gisborn is not one of them. Meia did not send you on patrol to get you out of the way, and nobody suggested it to her, either. You have my word on that. When you return to the ship, if you have any questions, or anything to say to me, I will see you immediately. You are a valued member of my crew, and I will do whatever I can for you. Magno, out.”

An hour ago that message would have knocked her for a loop. Since she was flying her Dread, possibly literally. Now, she wasn’t sure what she felt. Relief, maybe. It looked like Barnette wouldn’t be causing any more trouble. She considered that as she switched the squadron channel back to normal. It really didn’t make her feel any worse. If anything, she felt a sense of closure, a final end to the situation. A three-way wedding in…less than half an hour. That would surprise everybody, and with the Captain supervising security, there wouldn’t even be any rumors, or, at least, any _informed_ rumors. Eight people, she’d said. Herself, the Captain, BC of course, the three marry-ees, and two more, neither of them Meia. They were sure to need Parfet’s help with something so that made seven, and the eighth was a mystery. Maybe somebody who’d found out, or been told, before the security lid clamped down. No matter.

Something had definitely changed since this morning when Barnette thought she was in the way. It had to be Dita’s doing, a solution so simple and obvious that nobody else would think of it. She also had a hard time accepting that, in an hour or so, Dita would be married. Hibiki and Barnette she could believe, but to her Dita was still the bright, eager, innocent girl she remembered. She hadn’t caught up with the fact that wherever she was, Dita had gotten three years older along with everybody else. She was twenty standard now, a full adult, ready to take her own place in the universe. It still didn’t seem real.

It looked like Barnette would get what she wanted, after all. What she needed. If they could pull this off. If those meddling bastards, the Firsts, didn’t stop them. That must be what all the security was about, to keep them from finding out until it was too late to do anything, or even until after it was done. That would probably be best. With Captain Magno running the show, they probably could pull it off.

She realized something else. They had taken a substantial risk, telling her. If she wanted to, if she felt vicious and vindictive enough, she could tell their secret, and word could get to the Firsts in time to wreck their plans. She was pleased to find that she didn’t feel the slightest bit tempted, and that they had chosen to take that risk for her sake, to keep her from being blindsided again. Even if the others hadn’t wanted to, she was sure that Barnette would have insisted. She had already decided that she didn’t hate Barnette, and now, even though forgiveness wasn’t here yet, it seemed to be on the way.

She looked out at the stars with a little smile, and whispered, “Good luck, Barnette.”


	36. Celebration

Captain Magno stepped to the top of a low mound beside the pond and faced the assembled crew. She wore her dress uniform, much fancier than her working uniform, her hair flowed behind her, unbraided and brushed out, and she wore more makeup than usual. ’Dolled up for the cameras’, she called it. There was a small audio remote on her collar, and several video/audio remotes hovered silently around and above her. Her image appeared in the huge holo-display above the bridge, on screens all over the ship, and was encoded on signals sent out to the entire star system.

“Thank you all for coming here. I know you’re wondering what this is all about, so I’ll get right to it.”  
She looked out over the crowd for a few seconds.

“A ship’s captain has many duties, many responsibilities, and a few privileges. I have invited you here this evening to bear witness as I perform one of the most solemn and joyous of these. It is my privilege to announce the wedding of our friends and crewmates. Attention to orders!”

The crowd had gone nearly silent for her announcements. Now a low murmur of talk started.

“Hibiki Tokai. Front and center!” Hibiki marched out from behind a row of bushes, neat and elegant in his best dress uniform, and stopped in front of her. The murmur spread and grew louder.

“Dita Liebely. Front right!” Dita emerged from the same place, a smiling vision in white, walked up and took her place beside Hibiki at the Captain’s right hand, and Hibiki’s left.

“Barnette Orangello. Front left!” Barnette stepped out, equally beautiful and smiling, and took the matching place on her left.

The talk became a low roar. Dita’s smile got just a little bit wider as Hibiki reached out and took his brides’ hands. BC and Korai walked out from behind the bushes, their job of keeping the curious away done. Magno got out a small notebook, opened it and looked at it for a few seconds, then looked up and began to speak, referring to the notebook from time to time.

“Tonight we bring some old traditions to this star system for the first time. We set a precedent, establish a guide for those who may follow us. That is an important duty, but there is another, much more important. Today three of our shipmates, our friends, our family, begin a journey that will last the rest of their lives. We owe it to them to give them a good start. I ask you to join with me in giving them our support, and our best wishes for their future.”

“We spent some time choosing which traditions to use, which to leave out. I was honored when they asked for my help, and I have done my best. We all have. Time will tell what we have done right, and whether we have made mistakes despite our best efforts.”

“There will be those who believe that this wedding is entirely a mistake; that it is wrong for a man and two women to be husband and wives. Who would oppose their marriage, even though this is what they all want, even though no one can explain _why_ it would be wrong, or show that they are doing any harm to anyone.”

“We choose to establish the precedent that a marriage should serve the needs of its members first, and that they are best suited to decide what those needs are. That the only cause outsiders can have to interfere is to prevent them from doing harm to others, and that they must first prove the harm.”

“If anyone present knows any reason why Barnette Orangello, Hibiki Tokai, and Dita Liebely should not be joined in marriage, speak now, or not at all.”

Captain Magno looked out over the gathering as the sound nearly died out, giving them plenty of time to think about it. She checked her notebook again, then put it away.

“There are no objections. I will proceed with the wedding.”

She looked at Hibiki. “Do you, Hibiki Tokai, affirm that you understand the duties, obligations and responsibilities of marriage? Do you give your solemn vow that you will accept these, and perform them to the best of your ability? Do you take Dita Liebely and Barnette Orangello to be your wives? To love, honor and care for them, never placing one before the other? To cherish them both, to share their joys and hardships, to help them at need, and accept their help in turn, as long as you live?”

Hibiki stood to attention. “I do.”

She looked at Dita. “Do you, Dita Liebely, affirm that you understand the duties, obligations and responsibilities of marriage? Do you give your solemn vow that you will accept these, and perform them to the best of your ability? Do you take Hibiki Tokai and Barnette Orangello to be your husband and wife? To love, honor and care for them, never placing one before the other? To cherish them both, to share their joys and hardships, to help them at need, and accept their help in turn, as long as you live?”

Dita smiled radiantly. “I do.”

Magno turned her head to Barnette. “Do you, Barnette Orangello, affirm that you understand the duties, obligations and responsibilities of marriage? Do you give your solemn vow that you will accept these, and perform them to the best of your ability? Do you take Hibiki Tokai and Dita Liebely to be your husband and wife? To love, honor and care for them, never placing one before the other? To cherish them both, to share their joys and hardships, to help them at need, and accept their help in turn, as long as you live?”

Barnette smiled. “I do.”

Magno looked into the active video remote. “By the power granted to me by ancient tradition as captain of the Nirvana, I pronounce you husband, wife, and wife. Congratulations, all of you. You may seal your vows with a kiss.”

The crew cheered wildly as Hibiki and Dita put their arms around each other and kissed. They separated, he turned to Barnette and they did the same. They parted, then Barnette and Dita shared a quick kiss. They all turned to face the assembled crew. The cheering went on.

Dita made sure one of the remotes was facing her and waved her flowers. After a few seconds, her image appeared on the screens as somebody switched signals.

“We spent a lot of time researching old traditions to prepare for this wedding.” Her voice sounded throughout the ship.

“I would like to bring another of those traditions back today.” She threw her bouquet high over the crowd. “Catch!”

Hands stuck up, and after a brief confusion of grabbing, it wound up in one of them. Barnette threw hers a few seconds later, then made a beckoning gesture to another remote. Her image replaced Dita’s.

“The tradition is that whoever catches a bridal bouquet will get married soon. I doubt that a bunch of flowers can cause you to get married, but it’s a nice thought, and now we don’t have to carry them around all night!”

The crowd had quieted down; now they broke out laughing and cheering again.

They had discovered another tradition, but there wasn’t a ‘garter’ to be found in the entire star system, and since there were so few men aboard anyway, they decided to leave that one for somebody else to revive.

Captain Magno tapped her audio remote. The screens switched back to her.

“If any of you would like to say a few words to our newlyweds, start forming a line there along the shore, behind BC. And, Commander Rheingau, would you have your people start bringing out the tables and food?”

She nodded and turned away, signaling that she was done. The main display switched to a view of the two wives with their husband standing between them. Other screens showed various views of the park and people.

Magno walked around in front of them. “Congratulations again, all of you. If there’s anything else you need, let me know.” She grinned. “I’ve got this other job to get back to now, something about commanding the ship. I’m sure you understand.”

Barnette chuckled. “Thank you, Captain. Thank you for everything. I think we can face the rigors of this party without much help.”

Magno laughed, nodded to them, and turned away. BC waited until a line formed and stabilized, then stepped forward and took both of Dita’s hands.

“I never got a chance to welcome you back aboard, Dita. We’re all glad to have you back, and safe. And now you’re married. These last two days must have seemed a bit…hectic.”

She smiled. “Thank you. It feels good to be back. The Nirvana, Hibiki, Barnette, all our friends, I really feel like I’m home. And, it’s been a lot, but this is the happiest day of my life. Thank you for all your help, making it happen.”

BC stepped in front of Hibiki and shook his hand. “Congratulations, to all of you.”

“Thank you. Thanks for all your help, too. None of this would have been possible without you and the Captain. I hope you don’t get in too much trouble.”

BC shook her head. “It was the right thing to do, for you, and for everybody. Eventually, even Grand-Pa and Grand-Ma will have to see that. Unless they actually are so stubborn that they’ll die before admitting it. I just hope we were right, and they can’t un-marry you.”

BC moved to Barnette and took her hand. “Congratulations, Barnette.”

Barnette looked just a little guilty. “Thank you. I’m sorry I caused so much trouble.”

BC smiled. “Well, you didn’t actually hurt anybody or damage the ship, and it looks like you’ll be pretty busy from now on. If you can refrain from creating any more disturbances we’ll call the matter closed, and forget it. I’m glad everything worked out so well, for all of you.”

Meanwhile, Korai was next in line behind BC. She was a little shy when Dita took her hand and thanked her for her help. “You’re welcome, Dita. It was no trouble; it was interesting, and fun, and I learned some things.”

She moved to Hibiki, he thanked her, and she stepped in front of Barnette.

“Thanks for your help, Korai, including what you weren’t allowed to tell me about this morning. You helped Dita, and that helped us all.”

“I was glad to do it. And you were really nice to me. You all were.” She looked at Hibiki and giggled. “Maybe I should look for a man.”

Barnette took her hand. “If you decide to, I’ll help. We all will. You have to find a good one, one who’s right for you. I was with…someone who wasn’t right for me, for a long time.” She looked at Hibiki and smiled. “When you find the right one, it’s like nothing you can imagine.”

The next few people were casual acquaintances, including some Dita had just met since returning. Generic congratulations and thanks, all around. Meia was next.

She held her hand out. “Congratulations, Dita. This was quite a surprise. Especially when Barnette joined you!”

Dita impulsively threw her arms around Meia and hugged her. “Oh, thank you Meia. Sorry we didn’t tell you. I wanted to, but we weren’t telling anybody. We were afraid if the Firsts found out they’d try to stop us. We’re still a bit worried about what they’ll do, but Barnette and BC and the Captain all think they can’t break our marriage apart now. Too many people know. We broadcast it to the whole system! It was Barnette’s idea.”

Meia seemed a little overwhelmed. “I hope you’re right. You all look so happy, I wouldn’t want to see that taken away from you.”

Dita let her go. “You’re a good friend, Meia. Hibiki says you’ve been a good friend to him, too. I’m glad he had a good friend, when I couldn’t be there.” Acting on another impulse, she gave Meia a quick kiss. She looked surprised, then smiled and stepped in front of Hibiki.

“Congratulations, Hibiki. I always thought you and Dita would get married, some day. I just didn’t know it would be today, and with Barnette too.”

“Thank you, Meia. We didn’t know it either, until a couple of hours ago. Like Dita said, we wanted to tell you, but the only way to keep a secret is _not_ to tell it.”

“It’s all right. There was no need to tell me, it was a great surprise, and I’m happy for all of you.”

He smiled. “Thanks, again. She…my wife, Dita, is right. You’re a good friend. You were always there for me, even if I barely noticed. I wasn’t noticing much of anything for a while there. You helped me, more than I knew.”

She stepped forward and put her arms around him. “I’m glad I could help.” When he returned her embrace, she gave him an experimental kiss. After a few seconds, she smiled and stepped back.

“Meia. That was a surprise.”

“I wanted to know what it’s like. It’s…nice.”

She moved to Barnette. “Congratulations, Barnette. I know you had some problems the last few days. I’m glad it’s over, but I never expected it to end this way.”

Barnette laughed. “Thank you, Meia. It’s not something I expected, either! It was all Dita’s idea. I opposed it at first, but they both got me to see that I was wrong. I really think we’re all going to be happy together.”

She turned more serious. “I hope Jura will be all right. She came to see me this morning, and I apologized to her. Several times. I never meant to hurt her, and I hope she can understand. We were never right for each other, and I finally found that out.”

Meia said, “She seemed better when I saw her this afternoon. She wanted to go out on patrol, and I moved her up the roster.”

Barnette nodded. “Dita told us. The Captain used the command priority protocol about half an hour ago, to inform her about the wedding, _and_ tell her that you didn’t know. That might technically be considered misuse, but we prefer to call it essential to maintaining a good officer’s morale. She won’t think she was sent off to get her out of the way.”

Meia looked relieved. “Good.”

“In a way, it’s a good thing we didn’t tell you. That could have made the situation…complicated.”

Meia made a half smile. “You think it’s not complicated?”

Barnette made one back at her. “Compared to yesterday? No. Dita solved almost all our problems.” She looked at her new wife. “We don’t appreciate how smart she is, because we don’t understand how she sees things. We go and make things complicated, and think we’re being smart. Dita shows us how simple they should be. I’m going to listen to her, from now on.”

“I never thought about it that way.”

Meia moved away, and more casual friends greeted them, just quick congratulations and thanks. Some of Gascogne’s ladies set a table and chairs behind them, on the mound where they had been married. Six of the Taraak crewmen came through in a group, as if seeking safety in numbers. They warily shook hands with Dita and Barnette, and examined Hibiki carefully, apparently looking for symptoms of…something. All three of them tried not to laugh.

The bridge display suddenly faded out, then filled with a new image. Magno Vivan the First gazed down on them with a huge smile. “Dita, Hibiki _and_ Barnette. My, this is a nice surprise. I didn’t even know you two were dating! And Dita, my dear, words can’t tell how glad I am to see you back with us. Congratulations to all of you, and my best wishes for a long and happy future. I hope you’ll all come and visit your old Captain tomorrow.” She gave them a sly chuckle. “I expect you’re going to be kind of busy tonight.”

She stopped briefly, a wave of laughter swept through the crowd, and Dita took the chance to say, “Thank you, Boss. It’s great to be back!”

Magno didn’t hear her, of course. The signal wouldn’t reach Avalon for more than five minutes. She started in again, “I’ll be visiting the ship myself in a few days. We can all have a grand reunion then, but I want to see our newlyweds, and especially Dita, as soon as I can.” Her image turned slightly. “That was a fine wedding, Captain. You did us all proud. And BC, I’m sure it couldn’t have gone that smoothly without your help. It’s good to see the Nirvana’s in such capable hands.”

She beamed down at them for a few more seconds. “Well, I guess I’ve gone on long enough. Thank you all for bringing my old ship home. Avalon Base, out.”

Hibiki and Barnette added their own “Thank you, Captain”s, then turned back to their physically present well-wishers.

Paiway stepped out of the line and took pictures, then returned to her place. A minute later it was her turn.

Dita was delighted to see her. “Paiway! I still can’t get over how much you grew up while I was gone. You’re almost the same age I was when this all started.”

She laughed. “Hi, Dita. You finally got your alien! Are you happy?”

“We got each other, anyway.” She looked at Barnette. “Plus an unexpected bonus. This has been the busiest, craziest, most amazing day of my life, and I’m very happy.”

“Good. I’m glad.” She stepped in front of Hibiki. “You make sure you keep her happy. I’ll be watching!”

He snapped to attention, grinning. “Yes, Miss Underberg! I’ll do my best, to keep both my wives happy.”

She flung her arms around him and kissed him. He was too surprised to say anything else.

She moved to Barnette. “You’re not going to be mean to Dita any more, are you?”

Barnette smiled. “No. We’re married now, and we’re all going to take care of each other.”

Paiway smiled back. “Good. You know, everybody will be watching you, to see what happens. If you’re happy, there might be more weddings.”

“We thought about that. We tried to set a good example.”

“Oh, you did. Almost everybody’s happy for you. A few of them acted like you’re committing a crime, but they’re just being nasty.”

Barnette shook her head sadly. “There are always people like that. Nothing you do will ever please them.”

“What do you do about them?”

“Ignore them. If they get in your way, tell them to go to hell. If you give them anything, they’ll make your life completely miserable.”

More women greeted them, mostly Dread pilots and mechanics now. Almost everybody had been watching the screens and seen Meia and Paiway kiss Hibiki. A few of them decided to give it a cautious try. Afterward they gathered nearby with those less curious, talking, giggling, and looking at the new husband and wives. The group grew by ones and twos until it reached equilibrium as people drifted away.

Mata stepped up and took Dita’s hand. Behind her were Fione and Amayo, also from The Barnette Incident.

“Congratulations, Dita! I’m a little confused, though. Yesterday you two were about ready to tear each other to pieces, and now you’re married.”

Fione looked from Dita to Barnette, and back. “You look indecently pleased with yourselves, too.”

Dita smiled. “We solved our problems.”

Barnette turned from thanking the preceding well-wisher. “We were fighting over Hibiki. I tried to take him away from Dita because I thought she was taking him away from me.”

Hibiki smiled fondly at Dita. “Dita found the answer. I’m pretty sure it’s the only one. We tried to find other ones, but we all came up empty.”

Dita added, “Now we’re all married, so there’s no reason to fight.”

Mata took Hibiki’s hand. “So, you look mighty pleased with yourself, too. I bet it’s a relief they’re not fighting any more.”

He tried to explain. “The hard part was seeing how much it hurt Barnette and Dita. Trying to help without hurting either one even more. That’s why I’m glad it’s over. Now we’re all going to take care of each other and be happy. That’s what matters.”

She smiled. “I think I see why they both want you so much.” She stepped forward and kissed him, a little hesitantly at first.

After a while she stepped back, still smiling. “I’m starting to understand the appeal.”

She turned to Barnette. “You’ll have to tell us all what it’s like, being married to a man.” She giggled. “Besides what you already told us!”

Fione stepped up to Hibiki, put her arms around him, squeezed her body tight against his, and kissed him. Unlike the others, she went all out. She was very good at it, at least as good as Barnette, but there was something missing — or, rather, he felt something extra when he kissed Dita or Barnette, something that just wasn’t there with Fione. Or anybody else, he suspected. Even so, he found her exciting. She moaned softly and twisted her body against him.

Finally, she tilted her head back. “So, Hibiki. Have you thought about my offer? You seem to be…interested.”

He was uncomfortably certain that she could feel his ‘interest’. Apparently she’d been doing some reading. He _thought_ she was only teasing him unmercifully, but…

“Uh, Fione, that was just a joke, right? Anyway, I’m married now. I’m not, um—”

She gave him a saucy grin. “Hey, you’ve got two wives. Why not three?”

He laughed nervously. “There has to be a limit. We can’t marry everybody! Besides, I think my wives might have something to say about it.”

Barnette chuckled. “What if we said yes?”

He looked at her. “You’re supposed to be on _my_ side,” he said reproachfully.

She returned an expression of complete innocence, obviously enjoying his discomfiture. “Maybe _we_ want to marry Fione.”

Finding no support there, he turned to his other wife. “Dita? Help?”

Dita was laughing, but decided the joke had gone far enough. “We married Hibiki because we love him, and he loves us. Do you love him? Will you love him all your life?”

Fione made a show of pondering the question. “Hmmm. All my life? Maybe not.”

Barnette was still having fun. “Well, that looks like one definite ’No’ and a probable. It would have to be unanimous. I’m afraid your proposal is declined. Try not to take it too badly.”

Fione loosened her hold on Hibiki. “Actually, now that I think about it, Hibiki might be spread a little thin already. I’m not sure I’d be happy with a third of him. Even though I’d get both of you, too!”

They all laughed again, although Hibiki’s might have been just a bit forced.

Fione stepped back and looked at all of them. “Oh, well, looks like the end of that idea, but you gave me another one. Maybe I should look for two husbands!”

That got a much bigger laugh.

Dita turned her attention back to Amayo, who seemed to be uncertain about something.

Amayo looked back and forth between all three of them. “But…which one of you is the Ohma? Barnette? Are you the Fama?”

Dita felt flustered. The question was wrong in so many ways it couldn’t even be answered.

“No. Hibiki is our husband, and we’re his wives. It’s a much older tradition, the one they got Fama and Ohma from in the first place.”

“So, is Hibiki the Ohma? Are you both Famas?”

Dita started to correct her again, then thought for a second. “That’s…about as close as you can get, for something that doesn’t apply to us.”

Amayo seemed to understand now, a little. “So…you can have babies? With a man.”

“Actually it’s a lot simpler with a man and a woman. All it takes is sex. After you get your OVS implants turned off, of course.”

She thought about that, then asked, shyly, “Are you going to?”

Barnette smiled at her. “I’m sure we will, some day. Right now we’re in the middle of a war. I don’t think the enemy is going to take a few years off so we can start a family.”

They moved on, other guests spoke briefly. Within another minute, four of the five women Dita had borrowed their wedding outfits from greeted them. The first one took both of Dita’s hands and looked her up and down.

“Dita! You look beautiful in my blouse.”

The second one added, “And my skirt. At least I think that one’s mine.”

Dita smiled. “It is. Thank you all for loaning them to me. They’re perfect!”

She looked at them. “Where’s Rona? Barnette will want to thank her for the skirt.”

The third one answered. “Out on patrol. She’ll be back in a couple of hours.” She looked at both brides. “Neither one of you is wearing my top.”

Dita smiled at her. “I borrowed extras, we did some mixing and matching, and this is what we wound up with. It doesn’t mean there was anything wrong with the ones we didn’t pick. Thank you again for helping us.”

“You didn’t tell us you were getting married!”

Dita laughed. “Well, I told you it was ‘something special’ for Hibiki. What could be more special than our wedding?”

All four were now spread out in front of the three newlyweds. Hibiki addressed them. “Thank you for your help, everybody. Your contributions kind of, well, made our wedding complete. We’ll always remember.”

Dita put an arm around him and squeezed him tight. “See, I told you he’d be happy.”

Barnette added, “Thanks from me, too.”

One of them showed Dita a humorous pout. “But you didn’t _tell_ us! I thought we were your friends.”

Dita gave them all a conciliatory smile. “We only told the few people we had to — the Captain, BC, a couple of others. We didn’t even tell Meia.”

The other two almost chorused, “But why?”

Barnette answered them. “We knew the Firsts would stop us if they found out, so we kept it a secret. We’re setting a precedent, one they never considered and we don’t think they’d approve of. They’d spend half a year jawing about it and in the end, their answer would be NO. We can’t accept that. Nobody has any right to tell us we can’t love each other and be together. It’s none of their damn business! So, we took advantage of the fact that there are no laws yet and got married before they could do anything about it. We’re pretty sure they can’t un-marry us now, and we did everything we could think of to make that harder.”

She favored them all with her evil grin again. “We broadcast our wedding to the entire star system. Our signals have almost reached Mejere by now, and they’ll get to Taraak about seven minutes later. When they see me walk out they’ll know what we’re doing, _and_ that it’s way too late to stop us. They’ll yell at each other for a while because we’re too far away, and then see there’s nothing they can do. We hope.”

That got a general laugh. They were still pirates, after all, with a certain lack of respect for the ‘proper authorities’. The thought of them scrambling to catch up with the clever pirate crew, and failing, appealed.

There were only a few more people waiting to speak with them when Parfet rushed in to join the dwindling line. Soon it was her turn.

“Dita! I loved the wedding. I was watching it all.”

Dita grinned. “Wasn’t it the greatest? And thank you for all your help. But, aren’t you still needed in Engineering?”

“No, my job’s done. We’re going to shut down the broadcast in a few minutes anyway. I don’t think everybody wants to watch the whole party. It will all be available on the system net in case anybody’s interested.”

Hibiki smiled at them. “We’ll probably watch it a few times. Maybe a few dozen times.”

The notion seemed to appeal to Barnette. “Oh, yes…”

Three of Gascogne’s ladies stepped up to escort them to their table. It had already been set with salads and drinks. As they took their seats, one of them gave a quick rundown of the menu and asked what they wanted.

“Tonight you’re the guests of honor. You just stay here, and we’ll bring everything you need.”

Hibiki looked slightly embarrassed. “That’s not…I mean, we can get our own—“

She shook her head. “Oh, no. It’s Miss Gasco’s orders. You don’t want us to get in trouble, do you?”

Hibiki looked like he still wanted to protest.

Dita grinned and put her hand on his. “Everybody’s happy for us, and I think they’ll get a kick out of pampering us for a while. We wouldn’t want to ruin their fun.”

He thought about it, then relaxed. Barnette chuckled. “Hey, we get to be treated like Firsts! I’m up for it.”

They made their choices and started on the salads. Two of their temporary waitresses departed while the third stood nearby. All seemed perfectly content with their assignments. They found that they were hungry enough for the food to hold most of their attention, with only quick glances and smiles at each other.

Hibiki looked at their remaining waitress. “Aren’t you hungry?”

She smiled back. “We already ate. Wouldn’t be fair, all of us serving food with our bellies growling!”

They all laughed. As they were finishing their salads, three different ladies brought the next course. It seemed they were taking turns. Two took the salad plates away and the third relieved the original waitress. Dita waved her fork to get her attention before she left.

“Wait! Um, what’s your name?” Dita had never met her before.

She stopped, then came back, stood in front of Dita and smiled. “Chyan.”

Dita smiled back. “Hi, Chyan. Could you go find BC and Miss Gascogne? We’d like to talk to them for a minute.”

“Of course, Dita.”

* * *

The duty comm officer’s face appeared on one of the smaller screens. “Captain? I’ve got Grand-Ma, for you.”

Captain Magno gave a resigned sigh. She’d been expecting this. “I’ll take it in my office.”

The comm officer looked uncomfortable. “She, um, insists on speaking to you immediately, Captain.”

Magno looked even more resigned, and mentally cursed the hypercom, just a little. “All right. Make the connection.”

“Lady Grand-Ma. It’s an hon—“

She stopped, then squinted a little, and leaned her head to the right, as if unconsciously trying to get some distance from her earbug. It went on for a while. She turned toward the exit and started to move in that direction.

“I don’t understand, My Lady. Have I done something wrong?”

She listened through some more input, apparently still painful.

“I still don’t understand. None of us have violated any regulation, disobeyed any order, or broken any law. I can’t think of one thing we could be charged with.”

Her half of the conversation continued, with long pauses, as she slowly worked her way through the crowd.

“My Lady, if I or my officers are to be charged with some offense, we have a right to know what we are being charged with, and under what authority.”

“I was never told not to perform weddings.”

“I can hardly be held responsible for what other people didn’t think of.”

“I’m just a simple ship’s captain, My Lady. I don’t have anything to do with politics.”

“I mean it. My only concerns are defending the people of this star system, and taking care of my ship and my crew.”

“They are all members of my crew, and they asked for my help, as their captain. I considered their request, and granted it. That’s all I have done.”

“Well, this is a historically significant event that had to be recorded, and also a joyous occasion we wanted to share with everyone. Much better than another war report!”

“If somebody else wants to play politics with this, I can’t stop them. But that has nothing to do with me.”

“No, that would be my sister. You’d have to talk to her.”

“Hah! You know she would have done exactly the same thing. My Lady.”

“Effect on the crew? My Lady, I’ve never seen morale this high. They’d face the end of the universe, and laugh.”

“I still don’t see the problem. We all knew there would be marriages, some day, between men and women. That day is here.”

“One bride, two brides, it’s still a marriage. It’s what they all want. It’s the right thing to do, and there’s no law against it.”

“No, there isn’t. Not on Mejere, or Taraak. We checked, most carefully.”

She had almost reached the exit when she grimaced at a fresh blast from the earbug.

“Lord Grand-Pa. Good ev—“

It seemed the leader of Taraak had quite a bit to say, too. He’d been impatient enough to hop on the channel with Grand-Ma instead of opening another one.

“My Lady, My Lord, forgive me but I am unable to continue this discussion on an earbug in the middle of this gathering. I am already on my way to my office, where I will be able to give you both my full attention. I’ll be there in about a minute. If you would grant me your patience?”

By her expression, their patience was in short supply tonight.

* * *

They were finishing the second course when Chyan returned with Gascogne and BC. Ship Services had thoughtfully set the table with extra chairs so other people could sit with them. They both smiled and sat down.

Gascogne looked around. “Quite a party you’ve got here.”

Dita agreed. “Isn’t it? Thank you, and all your people, for setting everything up. You did a great job! I think it’s the best wedding ever.”

Barnette and Hibiki echoed her thanks.

Gascogne demurred. “Maybe not the best ever, but I think we did pretty good. Especially on such short notice.”

Barnette looked just a bit guilty. “We’re sorry about that, but we thought we had to do it that way. If anybody had found a way to stop us—“

She waved at them dismissively. “I know the reasons now, and I think you were right. Anyway, the gals need a challenge once in a while, to keep ‘em sharp.” She looked around again, with a fond smile. “They did us proud tonight.”

They all looked around, too, and agreed with that.

BC looked back at them. “So, what did you want to talk to us about?”

Dita seemed a little uncertain. “Well, um, living arrangements…”

Buzam replied, “Yours, I presume. What about them?”

Dita started to explain. “It’s a long walk from Hibiki’s room to Barnette’s, and I don’t even _have_ a room any more.”

BC nodded understanding. “So you want to swap around, get adjacent rooms.”

Dita had a kind of calculating look. “Maybe, if that’s all we can do, but I was really wondering, do we have any quarters for three people?”

Barnette broke in. “With a really big bed, or room for one, anyway.”

Dita, BC and Gascogne all gave her curious looks.

“I don’t want to sleep alone.” She looked at Dita. “Neither will you, after tonight. Hibiki’s bunk isn’t big enough for two people, much less three.”

Dita chuckled. “Sounds like you tried it anyway!”

Barnette smiled at a memory. “Well, we fell asleep, um, after, kind of by accident. It felt really good. And it was even better when we woke up!”

Hibiki grimaced. “Aside from me being mashed against the wall and you almost falling out.”

“I don’t remember hearing any complaints.”

They all laughed. In fact, everybody laughed. There was cheering, too. None of them had noticed the crowd sounds dying out.

Hibiki looked up. “Oh, shit.”

They had forgotten. There they were, up on the ship’s biggest video screen, larger than life. At least they had stopped broadcasting, but the channel was still going all over the ship. Everybody aboard had seen, and heard, everything. He felt a dreadful certainty this was destined to be as famous, or infamous, as The Barnette Incident. He got a sudden urge to hide under the table. It must have showed on his face, because Dita and Barnette — and everybody else — laughed harder.

BC recovered first, and looked into the video remote. “Cut the feed from this table. We have some personal business to discuss. I’ll let you know when we’re done.”

The main screen switched to a general view of the party, only showing their table in the background. Everybody could see that they were talking, but not about what.

BC said, “Good.” and made shooing motions. The remote glided away.

She turned back to Dita. “What did you have in mind?”

Dita was still catching her breath. She picked up a napkin and dried her eyes. “I was thinking at least two rooms, a bedroom and a kind of general-purpose room.”

BC nodded slowly. “Each about the size of the rooms you have now?”

Dita nodded back. “It could even _be_ two of them, just joined together somehow. Maybe, remove the wall.”

Barnette said thoughtfully, “No, we’ll want a door in between, that we can shut. We won’t want to share everything, all the time.”

After a few seconds she added, “There should be a place for somebody to sleep in the general room, too.”

Dita asked, “In case we have company?”

“Well, that. But I’m pretty sure once in a while, one of us will be on the outs with the other two. Packing us all in one bed would be a bad idea. No matter how big it is.”

They all agreed that she had a point.

Hibiki looked concerned. “What if all three of us get pissed off at each other?”

Barnette gave an ironic chuckle. “It probably will happen, at that. I guess we either sort it out, or somebody gets to go sleep in the ready room.”

Dita turned to her. “Of course. You’ve been through things like that, with Jura.”

She sighed. “Everybody gets that, occasionally. But it’s worth it, for the good times. And there were a lot of good times.” She looked seriously at both of them. “We’ll have a lot of good times, too. Don’t give up, when we hit bad times. They pass.”

Gascogne had been thinking. “How big would your ‘big bed’ have to be?”

Barnette replied, “At least two meters square. Maybe a little more.”

She nodded slowly. “Uh-huh. It would fit, but it wouldn’t leave much space. I see why you’d need another room.”

BC mused, “Joint quarters _would_ take up less total space, so we’d actually save some cubic. I think we can work something out. See me tomorrow.”

Gascogne chuckled. “Maybe we should encourage more marriages!”

BC echoed her chuckle. “Let’s give everybody at least a few days to get used to this one, first.”

Hibiki joined the chuckles. “I think they’re dealing with it pretty well. Everybody we talked to seemed happy about it.”

Dita added, “The Captain would be tickled. She didn’t let on much, but I could see she was having a grand time.”

BC smiled at her. “You’re right. The wedding thrilled her almost as much as you turning up out of nowhere.”

Gascogne put in, “She gets to be Ohma for a day, and she’s playing it up to the limit. She’s visiting with everybody.”

Hibiki asked, “Speaking of the Captain, where is she?”

Dita looked around the park, then up at the screens. “Where _did_ the Captain go? I don’t see her anywhere.”

BC frowned. “She got a priority comm from Grand-Ma. She’s taking it in her office.”

Barnette looked worried. “Uh-oh. This is what we were afraid of. I hope we’re not in trouble. I hope our _marriage_ is not in trouble.”

Hibiki tried to be reassuring. “Let’s trust the Captain. She’s smart, and she’s on our side. Besides…”

Buzam finished for him. “We’ve done everything we can, and fretting about it now won’t help. Enjoy your wedding, and leave Grand-Ma to the Captain.”

Barnette was still worried. “I guess you’re right. It’s just hard to sit here while somebody else decides our future.”

Hibiki put his arm around her shoulders. “I’m here. _We’re_ here, no matter what. They can’t keep us apart.”

“Thank you. Husband. Both of you.” She looked relieved, a little. She leaned in and kissed him. Cheers and applause swept through the park.

Dita waited until they were finished, then put her arm around him. “I could use some comfort, too. Husband.” He turned to her for another kiss. More cheers and laughing.

A crowd had drawn around them while they’d been talking, about four meters away. The next three waitresses didn’t quite have to fight their way through, but it took them a while.

BC stood up. “I’m going to get some dessert, and send the vid remote back before you’re completely surrounded. I’ll see you later.”

Gascogne stood, too. “Dessert sounds good. You three have fun, now.”

They were served, their empty plates taken away, and the video remote floated back. They ate, spoke of small things, and enjoyed each others’ company as the party continued around them. When they finished, a waitress took their plates away. Two more waitresses brought them a knife, three forks, three plates, and a round white cake. It had ’Best Wishes’ spelled out in blue frosting, then ‘Barnette’ in green, ‘Hibiki’ in dark brown, and ‘Dita’ in red.

Barnette looked at the cake, then at them, and laughed. “You gotta admit, we do make a pretty festive-looking trio.”

Hibiki cut three pieces of cake, placed them on plates, set one in front of each bride and took the last one. They had found another tradition that involved the newlyweds feeding each other pieces of cake, and usually mashing them into each other’s faces. They all agreed it was pointless, silly, and a little abusive.

They picked up their forks, smiled, and started eating. Somebody might bring that tradition back some day, but not them. The remaining cake was carried off to the dessert table.

They finished their cake, the plates were taken away, and they tried to relax, but their gazes kept straying to the various screens. After a few minutes, they abandoned all pretense of doing anything besides watching for the Captain’s return.

Barnette finally broke the tension. “What’s taking so long?”

Hibiki took her hand. “I don’t know.”

Dita added, “None of us do, not even BC. She’s waiting, too.”

Barnette squeezed Hibiki’s hand, looked around again, and shifted in her chair. She tilted her head, left, right, forward, back. She looked at all the screens again, around the park, at the empty table, then back at the screens.

Hibiki chuckled. “I’m beginning to suspect that patience is not one of your strongest attributes. Hang in there.”

She shot him a suspicious look, but he didn’t seem to be mocking her.

He shook his head. “There’s nothing I can do about it either. We’re all just going to have to wait for the Captain.”

Dita said helpfully, “You could kiss him again.”

Barnette made a sound between a laugh and a cough. “Thanks, but I’m too keyed-up for even that to do any good.”

Several more minutes dragged by, then Dita said, “Look! BC’s coming this way.”

They all watched attentively as BC walked to their table and looked up at the remote. “Private business again.”

After a few seconds the main screen switched back to overview and the remote departed. BC sat down.

Barnette demanded, “What did they say?”

BC shook her head. “The Captain didn’t tell me. I think she wants you to be the first to know.”

Barnette looked ready to say something very disrespectful about the Captain.

Hibiki squeezed her hand, and Dita asked quickly, “How much longer?”

“Just a minute or two.”

Barnette somehow gave an impression that she was both pacing and fidgeting while sitting absolutely still. They waited. Finally the Captain entered the park and walked to their table.

She took a seat. “Well, I just got an earful from Grand-Ma, and Grand-Pa. Actually, after he got on the circuit they spent most of the time arguing with each other.”

Barnette took great care to keep her voice calm. “What did they say?”

Magno smiled. “It looks like you were right, Barnette. They both started out practically foaming at the mouth, but when I insisted on specifics they wound up having to admit there’s nothing they can actually accuse us of doing wrong. For some reason, that didn’t make them any happier.”

Barnette squeezed Hibiki’s hand, hard. “Are they letting us stay married?”

Magno nodded. “Yes, they’ve decided to allow it as another ‘experiment’ between men and women.”

They all looked relieved, but Barnette the most by far. “Thank you, Captain. Again. Thank you for everything.”

Magno added in a low voice, “I’m sure they’re just saving face, but as long as you get to keep your marriage I don’t care. Do you?”

They all agreed that they didn’t care either, and thanked her again.

Magno gave them a satisfied grin. “I got them to see that this wedding benefits them, too. Those in favor of your marriage are happy the Firsts allowed it, and the ones who don’t like it are mad at you for not getting permission. We can’t be punished, because nobody told us not to do it, but the Firsts can’t be blamed either because we did it without asking.”

Dita asked hesitantly, “So, uh, how many are in favor?”

Magno kept grinning. “Preliminary results showed public opinion over seventy percent positive. The Firsts may not be elected, but they can’t ignore it completely.”

Barnette asked, “How do the planets compare?”

“Mejere is about eight percent higher. Partly because we never got as much into propaganda as Taraak, but mostly, I think, because of the way our two brides were smiling. The groom looked like he was enduring some sort of ordeal.”

Hibiki said defensively, “Hey, I was just being careful not to screw up.”

Dita asked, “Screw up what, ‘I’ or ‘do’?” Hibiki shook his head and they all laughed.

Barnette said, “I think our parts were made really simple for a reason.”

Magno tapped her audio remote, then stood up and moved just past Dita. A video remote floated in, and their image appeared on the main screen. Magno moved over a little more so she didn’t block Dita.

She looked into the camera and announced, “I have just finished speaking with Lady Grand-Ma and Lord Grand-Pa. They have informed me that they officially approve the marriage of Dita Liebely, Hibiki Tokai, and Barnette Orangello.”

That prompted deafening cheers and applause; it started at ‘marriage’ and grew to practically drown out Barnette’s name. It went on for a long time. Magno nodded and smiled patiently until it died down.

“It looks like everybody has finished supper. Commander Rheingau, would you have your people move the tables out of the way and prepare for dancing?”

This prompted more applause, but nothing like her first announcement.

Magno sat back down and set a bottle none of them had noticed on the table. “I remember you found that tradition of giving a wedding toast with something called ‘champagne’. Well, we don’t have any, but I do have some good peach brandy. Not enough for everybody, so it will have to be a private toast, just you and your closest friends. Who else would you like to include?”

Dita immediately said, “Meia.”

Hibiki added, “Gascogne.”

Barnette smiled, a little sadly. “Jura, but she’s out on patrol, and I don’t think it would make her happy.”

Dita smiled, too. “We can include her in our thoughts, even if she’s not here.”

Barnette turned to her. “Thank you, Dita. That’s very sweet.”

That started them on a new round.

Hibiki led. “Gramps. Well, I know he’s really my uncle, but I still think of him as Gramps.”

Barnette smiled. “Boss. Captain Magno, the first. Your sister.”

Dita concluded, “Misty. She wasn’t really part of the crew, but we all miss her.”

Barnette chuckled. “Didn’t she try to take Hibiki away from you?”

Dita smiled. “Only at first. When she saw how much I love him, she helped me.”

BC waited to see if anybody had any more ideas, then looked into the remote. “Gascogne, would you find Meia Gisborn and bring seven glasses to our table?”

They watched the dance preparations while they waited. Ship Services had laid down interlocking panels to form a floor on a level section of the park. Now they consolidated the remaining food onto a few tables and moved them to the surrounding grass. Soon, Meia and Gascogne walked up to their table carrying glasses, set them down and took seats.

Dita looked at them. “Thank you for joining us. It means a lot to us, you being here.”

Hibiki and Barnette added their appreciation. Captain Magno poured a small amount of brandy into each glass, and they each took one.

Magno raised her glass. “To Dita, Hibiki, and Barnette. We hope you have a long and happy marriage.”

BC, Gascogne and Meia echoed, “A long and happy marriage.”

They all sipped the brandy. Barnette, Meia and Dita looked surprised. Hibiki held the glass away and stared at it.

Magno grinned. “Maybe I should have warned you, it’s a little strong.”

“Huh? No, back on Taraak some of the guys used to brew up alcohol, but it was really horrible stuff. This is good.”

“Oh. Well, thank you.”

BC held the glass up again. “To friends who can’t be with us tonight, but are still in our thoughts.”

Barnette raised her glass. “Jura.”

Hibiki lifted his. “Gramps.”

Dita joined them. “Captain Magno, the first.”

Meia raised hers, and looked into the remote. “Misty, from your big sister.”

Magno and Gascogne smiled and raised theirs. They all sipped.

They watched the preparations for a few more minutes, then Gascogne finished her brandy. “I’d like to stay, but I’m sure there’s a dozen things that need my attention. Enjoy the evening, all of you.”

She stood and walked toward two ladies struggling with a table. “You two! Get some help if you’re having trouble.”

They all finished their brandy as preparations were completed. Lights dimmed, except a few over the dance floor. Dita raised her gaze to the remote, and the crowd grew quieter.

“There is an old tradition that the newlyweds should begin the first dance, before the guests join in.”

Dita, Hibiki and Barnette stood up and walked to the center of the dance floor. Music* started, and Hibiki found that dancing was harder than it looked, plus the added complication of trying to figure out how three people could dance together. Onlookers laughed and shouted advice, then took to the floor about halfway through the song. They managed to complete it, then moved off to one side.

As they recovered, Meia walked over, laughed and shook her head sadly. “Hibiki, you need help. Let me give you some lessons before you hurt yourself.”

They all looked at her in surprise.

“I was a child celebrity, remember? Of course I learned to dance.”

She led him out on the floor and got their hands positioned. “Okay, with me. Left, right, back…”

He paid attention, and picked up the steps well enough. She guided him through a few turns and other moves.

Bart approached BC, determined to get a dance with her no matter what he had to do, and was taken a little off guard when she simply said, “Yes,” and led him onto the dance floor. They were surprisingly good. Nobody could quite figure out what their relationship was, including them, except that neither had any other romantic interests.

Duelo turned out to be an excellent dancer, and Parfet…managed. When she could get a dance. He was practically besieged after everybody watched him.

It took three dances before Meia declared Hibiki passable, kissed him and returned him to his brides. They looked at each other, Dita nodded, and Barnette took the next dance. He had greatly improved, and dancing with one wife was much simpler.

Dancing wasn’t big on Taraak, especially among the lower classes. Meia found herself surrounded by crewmen bashfully asking her for help. She prevailed on some of the better dancers among her friends, and soon one end of the dance floor was full of stumbling beginners, volunteer teachers and much laughter.

Dita danced with Hibiki, then Magno claimed the next one, reminding them that the Captain did have a _few_ privileges. They all laughed.

Then it seemed that everybody wanted to dance with them, but they made sure Hibiki and Dita or Barnette got every fifth or sixth dance, and all the slow ones. A few of the Taraak crewmen danced, nervously, with Barnette or Dita.

It was during another slow dance that Hibiki and Barnette were startled by Fione’s shout: “Way to go, BC!” They looked around in time to see BC and Bart pull back from a kiss, both flustered. Talk and laughter started immediately. “Woah, Bart kissed BC?” “She’s gonna kill him, stand back!” “Didn’t know he had it in him.” “It’s been sorta nice knowing you, Garsus.”

Fione’s laugh rose over the rest, and her gleeful shout, “No, BC kissed _him!”_ brought a brief lull, then a still greater commotion. Buzam pushed through the crowd, dragging a rather dazed Bart off the dance floor.

Hibiki turned back just as Barnette moved in and kissed him, inspired, no doubt, by BC and Bart. He returned it after a moment’s surprise, surrounded by more laughter and good-natured abuse. The dance ended, and Paiway claimed the next one, although she knew barely more about dancing than he did. They only stumbled a couple of times. The third song after that was slow; Dita slipped into his arms and led him into the increasingly familiar steps before she smiled and kissed him. He’d half-expected this one, and kissed right back. They both laughed with everybody else.

Time passed before they knew it. A dance ended, and as the next one started Dita grabbed their arms. “Look!”

Rika was walking around the dance floor, Celise was talking to one of the volunteer teachers, and Jura stood beside the farthest food table. The 1600 Dread patrol had returned.

Dita let go of them. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

She walked away from the dance floor to Jura and they began to talk. Barnette found Hibiki’s hand and held tight. Jura’s expression and body language had started out a little hostile and defensive, but she slowly relaxed. They talked for a couple of minutes, then Dita stepped forward and put her arms around Jura. Dita said something in her ear, Jura returned her embrace and they stood like that, brilliant red hair against gold.

Barnette pressed herself against Hibiki. “I wonder what they’re saying.”

“I don’t know, but it seems to be going okay.”

They watched until the two separated. Dita said something, and Jura nodded and smiled a little. Dita walked back toward them, Jura picked up a plate and started loading it with food. The music ended just as Dita reached them.

“What…what did she say?” Barnette asked with some trepidation.

Dita gave her a reassuring smile. “First, she accepts your apology. She’s done a lot of thinking, and she understands what happened, and why you fell in love with Hibiki. She’s not ready to talk to you yet, but she’s not mad at you any more.”

Barnette let go of Hibiki’s hand and hugged Dita. “Thank you, Dita. You…oh, thank you.”

Dita returned the hug. “I was happy to do it, for you and for Jura. You’re my wife, and she’s my friend. I’m glad to help both of you.”

Barnette squeezed her tighter, and nodded. Words seemed to have escaped her for the moment.

Dita continued, “She was really touched when I told her how you included her in the wedding toast. She added her best wishes for a long and happy marriage, for all of us.”

Barnette nodded again, then let go. Tears sparkled in her eyes. “I didn’t only marry Hibiki, did I?” She reached for Dita’s hand. “May I have this dance, Dita?”

Dita smiled again. “Of course, Barnette.”

Hibiki watched them move out onto the floor, then felt someone take his hand. He turned to see Rika standing beside him, grinning.

“Looks like they’ve gone off and left you all alone. Let’s dance!”

He smiled, and they danced. When it ended, a slow song started, and Barnette rushed over and caught him before anybody else could. She sighed and slipped her arms around him.

As it ended, she murmured in his ear, “I love you, and I’m _so_ happy. This is just the first night of our lives together.”

He answered, “I love you, Barnette, and I know we’re going to be happy.”

They parted, and found Dita standing beside them. “My turn!”

“So it is.” Barnette laughed, and made a show of handing him off to her. A slow song started, and Hibiki looked confused.

Dita held him tight. “I requested another slow dance.”

They enjoyed their dance, then were swept away by more wedding guests.

Eventually, any entertainment palls, and they had…other things on their minds. All three of them were standing together when Barnette asked, “Are you ready to leave the party?”

It was obvious that they were. Dita said hesitantly, “What do we…”

Barnette understood what she wasn’t quite asking. “You two are going to Hibiki’s room. I’m not.”

They both looked at her, a little uncomfortably.

She smiled at them. “I meant what I said. Hibiki and I have other nights. This one is for you. Unless you _want_ to wait?”

Dita instantly declared, “No!” then looked a bit embarrassed.

Barnette grinned at her. “Well, good.” She got more serious. “It’s what’s right, for all of us. For…balance.”

Dita said, “Then…you don’t have to leave.”

Barnette shook her head. “I’d rather spare Jura and I any more of awkwardly avoiding each other.”

Hibiki looked concerned. “Where will you go?”

Barnette looked a little wistful. “I think…I want to go look at the stars for a while. Remember. Think about the future. Our future.” She chuckled. “All that deep philosophical crap. Let’s go.”

They walked past the dance floor and stopped between it and the exit. A video remote tracked them. Barnette looked into into it and waited for them to appear on the main screen.

“It’s time for us to bid you good-night—”

That brought laughter, whistles and raucous cheering. She waited for it to die down.

“Thank you for your support, and good wishes. You’ve helped make this the happiest evening of our lives, and we’ll always remember.”

Applause, more polite this time.

Hibiki was next. “Thanks, everybody, for…everything. We really appreciate it.”

He laughed. “Hey, the party doesn’t have to end just because we’re leaving. Have fun with the rest of the night!”

There was more raucous cheering.

Dita finished. “You are all our friends and family. We might argue sometimes, but in the end we all love each other. No matter what happens, let’s never forget that. Good night, everybody.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The song for Dita, Hibiki and Barnette's first dance is 'Himegoto', by SiLC.


	37. Surprises

They stopped at the door to his quarters. Hibiki opened it, and started to lead her inside.

Dita held him back. “I read about another old tradition, and I would like us to try it.”

“Okay, what is it?”

“After the wedding the husband, that would be you, picks up his new wife, me, and carries her through the door of their home. Will you do that for me?”

He thought for a few seconds, then nodded. “All right, let’s try. How do we do it?”

She turned and put her left arm around his neck. “Put your arm across my back. Lower, I think. There. Now, reach down and put your other arm behind my knees. Like that. Now, try picking me up!”

He was off balance, and had to set her back down hastily. He shifted his feet, tried again, and found that it wasn’t hard at all. He smiled and carried her through the door, careful not to bump her against the edges. She reached out and closed it, then put that arm around him too and pulled herself tight against him.

Dita felt something deep and primal in her respond. He was **her** man, and he was strong. He would take care of her, and keep her safe. She _felt_ safe.

Hibiki understood now what she had meant by him being her whole universe when her memories returned because in this moment, she was his. She felt soft and warm and wonderful and precious, and he knew he would do anything for her.

The moment passed, for both of them. He carefully set her on her feet. They kissed without consciously deciding to. They felt no pressure, no tension, no demands. After a while she pulled back and smiled at him, a little apologetically. “Sorry, love. My feet hurt.”

He instantly became Concerned Husband. “Let’s sit down.”

They sat on his bunk. Dita unzipped her boots and tried to take one off as he watched uncertainly. After a short time she stopped and turned toward him. “Um, Hibiki? These boots might have been a mistake. I think my feet swelled up a little bit. Will you help me take these things off?”

Presented with a practical problem to solve, his confidence returned. He knelt in front of her and pulled cautiously on a boot, but it didn’t budge. He pulled harder, and twisted a little. Still no progress. Dita made a small growling noise, planted her other foot on his chest and _pulled_. The boot started to slip out of his hands, he gripped tighter by reflex, it broke loose and he fell backward.

Dita looked down at him lying on his back and laughed. “Well, that’s one!”

She took her stocking off as he put the boot aside and sat up. This time he braced himself and held on tight from the start. He set it beside the other one as she took off the stocking. Her feet did look a little red, and pinched. He knew what to do about that. He picked up one of her feet and started working it between his hands. She stretched and wiggled her toes.

“Aaaaahhhhhh, that feels wonderful.” Her expression melted to a smile of pure bliss. “Could you keep doing that? I’ll promote you to Admiral. I’ll make you King of Taraak. Anything.” She turned her foot and pushed against his hands.

He took the hint and rubbed under her heel. “I don’t need to be King of Taraak. Just tell me you’re happy.”

“Oooooooohhh. Husband of mine, I’m the happiest girl in the galaxy. Just don’t stop.”

Guided by her movements, accompanied by ecstatic moans and sighs, he soothed away the effects of an evening in too-tight boots. He felt profound satisfaction in making her feel good, even with something as simple as relieving her sore feet. He moved up to her legs and found that her skin was just as smooth and soft as Barnette’s. She closed her eyes and made encouraging sounds as he slowly worked his way past her knees but when his fingers reached the edge of her skirt, he stopped.

Dita didn’t want him to stop. Her whole body seemed to hunger for his touch. She slowly opened her eyes and smiled at him. “Mmmmmm, is something wrong?”

“Uh, no, um…”

She decided he needed a little help. “Feeling uncomfortable? Or, you think I am?”

“Uhhh, some of both?”

She was still smiling. “If you do something I’m not comfortable with, I’ll let you know. Don’t be afraid to touch me. I’m your wife. I love you. I _want_ you to touch me.” She chuckled. “Or are you just getting tired of doing all the work? Would you like me to touch you?”

He mumbled again.

“There aren’t any rules, love. We can do anything we want. What do you want to do?”

He gazed up at her, ardent but hesitant. There were so _many_ things he wanted to do, but this was her first time. If he did the wrong thing, made some stupid mistake…

She sighed. “In some ways, it’s harder not having any rules. We’re free, but with nothing to guide us we can be a little lost. Is that it?”

“Yeah, sort of. Except I’ve, uh, well, I…”

“You’ve had sex already, with Barnette. I know.” She giggled. “_Everybody_ knows.” She was suddenly serious. “I’m not jealous about you and Barnette. I _can’t_ be. Not now. She’s not just your wife, she’s _our_ wife.”

Hibiki looked embarrassed. “That’s great, but, I meant, um, Barnette and I, we, uh, kind of made everything up, too. We didn’t, uh…”

“Oh! I get it.” She giggled again. “You didn’t do any of the assigned reading, just went ahead and did the, ah, homework. I did all the reading and missed out on the homework.” She pouted cutely and shifted to a sulky, little-girl voice. “My study partner was being a butt-head.”

Now he looked guilty. “Oh, Dita…”

She smiled and switched her voice back to normal. “It’s okay now. My husband got rid of the butt-head. I haven’t seen him since I got back.”

His guilty look faded. “It’s just— it’s our first time. _Your_ first time. I want it to be perfect.”

She looked at him thoughtfully for a few seconds. “Then, do I have to be perfect too?”

Hibiki was startled. “Huh? Uh, no, of course not.” He hadn’t considered that.

“What about you and Barnette? Was your first time perfect?”

He flashed back to that night. Their first kiss in the observation deck, before he fucked it up. Their second one right here on his bunk, where he’d done better. All the things they’d done after that, and all the things neither of them had known. Several words came to mind: confused, anxious, fumbling…wondrous, magical…but ’perfect’ was not one of them. “Um, no, not really.”

She put her hands on his, where they rested just above her knees, and asked softly, “Do you love each other less because your first time wasn’t perfect?”

He was startled again. “No!” They were both intimately aware of her hands on his, and his on her.

“Then does it matter? I think trying to be perfect, worrying about it, would spoil the occasion. For both of us.”

Hibiki thought that over. She was probably right.

Dita was thinking, too. “Is it because you didn’t do the reading? Do you think I’ll be disappointed if you don’t Know Everything There Is To Know About Sex?”

He didn’t answer; he didn’t want to say yes, but couldn’t deny it.

“Do you want to make love to me?”

He had an answer for that one, all right. “Yes! More than anything.”

“Well, good.” She squeezed his hands against her legs. “I want to make love to you, more than anything.” She chuckled. “Barnette didn’t say to be perfect. I think we should take her advice — be good to each other, take our time, and enjoy ourselves. Whatever happens, I won’t be disappointed with _you_.”

He looked relieved, if still a bit uncertain.

“I don’t care if you don’t know everything. Neither do I.” She smiled again, whimsically. “You know more than me about, ah, practical application. We’ll find out together. I think it’ll be fun. And if we make a few mistakes the first time, well, I guess we’ll just have to try again.”

He looked up at her with wonder. Once again, with a few simple words, she made their problems disappear — or made him see that there had never been any problem. “You’re right, Dita. Everything will be fine if we just remember that. So, what would you like to do now?”

Dita smiled down at him. “Help me take these clothes off? I’m not used to them and a few things are hard to reach.” She giggled. “You did _such_ a good job with my boots.”

“Dita, I, uh…”

She grinned wickedly. “You don’t _have_ to run your hands all over my body, afterward. If you don’t want to.”

This time his response was even less articulate.

Her smile grew. “What was that? ‘Meep?’ That’s a new word. Does it mean you want to? Or you don’t?”

Somehow they both got to their feet. She guided his hands behind her back to the first fastening of her top, told him how to open it. He got it on the second try. Her hands weren’t idle; she unbuckled the belt of his uniform tunic and found that it was attached to a strap holding either a large knife or a very short sword just below his left shoulder. There was no obvious way to remove either one, but she unbuttoned three large buttons and found that it all came off together. Hibiki had her top undone, and they both took them off. He raised his hands over his head so she could pull off his black turtleneck shirt.

His eyes were drawn to her bra, and hers to the bruises and scabs on his right shoulder. “Oh, Hibiki, you’re hurt.”

His face felt hot as he stammered, “No, it, um, it’s, it’s nothing. Forget it.”

She touched the spot, and ran her fingertips over it. “It doesn’t look like ‘nothing’ to me. What happened to you, love?”

He tried desperately to think of a way out of this, but she was looking at him with such anxious concern that he knew she wouldn’t stop until she got an answer. And he just _couldn’t_ start their marriage by lying to his wife. His face heated up even more, and he was still stammering. “Uh, yeah, that, um, that’s…” He chuckled nervously and said in a small voice, “Barnette bit me.”

**“WHAT?!”** Dita looked surprised, and confused, and her hand went to the left side of her neck. Then she frowned.

He said hastily, “It was an accident! She didn’t mean to!” Her grim expression had started to remind him of yesterday, when she wiped out most of an enemy fleet.

Her frown faded, but she still looked confused, and concerned. “How could she bite you by accident?” She clearly wasn’t going to let this go.

“W-w-we were…having sex.” He was sure his face was as red as some of those vegetables Dita had served him, long ago. He hoped, he wished, that she could be satisfied with that answer.

She still looked confused, and now a little suspicious. “I read a lot about sex, but I must have missed that part.” Nope. Not satisfied.

He heard Barnette’s voice again. _Tell her everything_. Dita’s voice. _Tell me everything_. Maybe both of his wives were right. He let out a resigned sigh. “We were in her room. She said sound carries a lot there, so we had to be quiet. We, ah, we had sex, and she had to, to cover her mouth, because she was…making sounds.” His face was burning up, and Dita was starting to show signs of understanding and embarrassment herself. He finished, “She put her mouth there, and then she had a really big, um…orgasm,” he said the word as quickly as possible and rushed on, “and she said she was sorry, but she was a little out of control.”

Now Dita’s face was red. She’d heard about something of the sort, at that. She’d have to talk to their wife, and find out more. Maybe she’d find out more on her own, tonight. She looked at her husband’s face, brightly embarrassed and perturbed, and started laughing. He looked relieved, but still uncomfortable. She put her arms around him and said reassuringly, “It’s okay, love. It’s something that happened while I was gone, and it’s covered under our agreement from this afternoon. I can’t hold a grudge about it.” She held his eyes seriously. “Besides, I don’t ever want to resent you and Barnette for making love.”

He returned her embrace. “Thank you, Dita.” His face was beginning to fade back to normal. “I love you.”

She held him tighter. “I love you too, Hibiki.” She giggled. “That must be why we got married.”

Their mood was lightening up now, and he chuckled. “I knew there was something.”

“Mmmm.” She gazed into his eyes again. “I can see it was hard for you to tell me that, but I’m glad you did.”

He nodded. “Barnette told me we have to always be honest with each other.”

“Our wife is a very smart woman.”

He smiled. “I noticed that. She set me straight about a lot of things.” He chuckled. “So did you. You told me to not hide things.”

Dita let go of him and rubbed her fingers over the bite-mark. “Maybe you can give _me_ a really big orgasm!” She giggled. “I’ll try not to bite you.”

“Well, we don’t have to be quiet. Everybody knows what we’re doing in here anyway.”

She gave him another wicked smile. “Do you think I’ll make…_sounds?”_

“I don’t know.” He truly didn’t have any idea. “I just know Barnette does.”

Dita rubbed the mark again. “And she bites.” She glanced up at him with another giggle. “Barnette bit you, and I slapped you. What a couple of violent bitches you married! I wonder how long you’ll survive.”

He laughed with her. “Hey, those were both…_unique_ circumstances. I’m sure it won’t happen again.”

“I hope not.” She grinned. “But look at our record so far!” She tilted her head with an amused expression and asked, “Weren’t we doing something, before we got side-tracked?” They were suddenly, acutely aware that they were standing beside his bunk, close together and half naked. She smiled, moved his hand to the tie of her skirt and started on his pants. She’d gone with a simple bow knot and her skirt dropped off in seconds. Hibiki felt his pants start to slide down, grabbed at them hastily, then stopped and laughed. They both did. He bent down, pulled off his own boots and socks, and got out of the pants.

When he stood up she stepped forward and put her arms around him. He started to do the same, then with a sly grin slid his hands down her back and gently squeezed her rump. She made a kind of startled squeak and got an impulse to push him away. The man-thing had done something very much like this to her, but… She had expected to feel that fear and revulsion again, but her new husband’s touch felt completely different. A thrill ran up her spine, and instead she moaned and leaned against him. She pressed against his hardened organ, and it felt _good_. “Ohhh, that’s nice,” she sighed. She kissed him, and nothing else mattered for a while. When the kiss ended she drew back a little and said in a low voice, “Let’s…continue.”

“Okay, Dita.” She had borrowed a light pink bra this afternoon, but it didn’t look much like any of Barnette’s and there was no fastening he could see.

She giggled as he looked at it, baffled. “It’s got two little hooks in the back. You have to kind of push them together and let them pop apart. Here, reach behind me,” she guided his hands, “and they’re right in the middle.”

He followed her directions, found what had to be the fasteners, and started working at them. He had to stand very close to her, and his fingers felt big and clumsy as he fumbled with the tiny things. He started to growl a little, until she smiled and gave him a quick kiss. He felt one of them let go, then the other one, and he stepped back and slipped the straps off her shoulders. She looked into his eyes, still smiling, as he slid them down her arms.

When the man-thing ripped her blouse open, tore off her bra and crudely groped at her, she had felt disgusted, almost sick. Hibiki was caring, and gentle, and feeling him undress her was immensely exciting. She felt a rush of heat all through her body when he took off her bra. He hesitated, and she said softly, “Why are you stopping, love?” She reached for his hands and placed them on her waist. “Don’t you want to take them off me?”

He swallowed nervously, hooked his thumbs into the waistband and slowly pulled her panties down. She smiled at him encouragingly, he took a knee and slid them down to her ankles and she stepped out of them. He bashfully avoided looking ‘there’ as he stood back up.

She noticed. “You can look at me, Hibiki. I _want_ you to look at me. You can look at me anywhere, touch me anywhere.” She put her hands on his shorts. “Will you let me take these off?”

“S-sure, Dita.” he stammered.

She knelt in front of him, pulled his shorts down, helped him step out of them and remained there, looking at him. “I’ve never seen that before.”

He laughed, a little tense. “You tried, though! You kept following me into the head, and I had to keep throwing you out.”

She chuckled. “I guess I was kind of a pest sometimes.” She looked up into his eyes. “But you ran away all the time. I had to do something.”

“I’ll never run away from you again…Dita my love.” His voice was low, and a little rough.

She smiled joyously. “That makes me very happy, Hibiki my love.” She returned her attention to his…privates. She’d heard a lot of words for this part of a man, back on Gunzo, and found even more in the old records. Maybe she’d try a few of them, later. She reached out, and he gasped as she wrapped her hand around it. She looked up again. “Is this okay?”

“It’s…haahhaahhh…it feels great, Dita.” He was breathing hard and couldn’t look away from her.

She looked down again, brought up her other hand, and he moaned as she squeezed and stroked, feeling every bit of him curiously. She gazed up at him again and grinned. “You’re definitely ‘stimulated’ now!”

He laughed as she took her hands away, rose up, stepped back and stood with her feet a little apart, smiling. “I promised to show you all of me today. Look at me, love. Do you like what you see?”

He took his time, admiring his new wife. He couldn’t avoid comparing her to Barnette; she was a little taller, a little slimmer, her breasts were shaped differently, her nipples smaller and pinker, her eyes a much lighter blue, her hair bright red instead of green…everywhere. She was just as gorgeous, in a different way. And there was more to her, more to both of his wives. They were warriors, ace Dread pilots, bold and smart and fierce. They were amazing.

She looked him over, too. He might not be as ‘dreamy’ as those video actor phonies on Gunzo, the women she’d worked with might not gush and swoon over him, but she found him entirely pleasing to her eyes. They would have scorned the scars he wore here and there, the traces of grease under his fingernails, the marks of his efforts to protect the Nirvana, and her friends, which endeared him to her all the more. He looked tough, fit and capable, ready to stand by her side and face…anything.

He found his voice. “You…you’re beautiful, Dita. More than I ever imagined.”

She grinned impishly. “Why, Hibiki! Have you been imagining me with my clothes off? You naughty boy!”

His face burned again. “What? Um, I, uh—“

She burst out laughing. “Oh, you should see the look on your face! I’m just teasing you, love. I don’t mind, at all. Not if it’s you.” She tilted her head down and looked up at him. “Now you don’t have to imagine me. You can take my clothes off, any time you want.”

He nodded, unable to say anything, or look away.

She smiled. “You look very good to me, love. I tried imagining you, too. Of course, you had a big advantage. You’ve seen Barnette.”

She raised her head again and gave him a stern look. “What do you think of her?”

He instantly felt guilty about comparing his wives, but — he couldn’t help it! “Barnette’s beautiful, too,” he said cautiously.

Her smile returned. “I’m teasing you again. I shouldn’t. Not about that. I’ll never make you choose.” She stepped forward and put her arms around him. “I think Barnette’s beautiful, and I love her, but I don’t feel this way about her.”

For the first time there was nothing between their bodies, and she was certain that what she felt was ‘desire’ and ‘arousal’. His was obvious, and she enjoyed the feel of it against her skin, encouraging her to explore further. She kissed him again, slipped her tongue into his mouth and felt his come into hers, and that was even better. The kiss broke apart as they stumbled back and sat on the bunk. They both paused, breathless.

Dita lifted his hand to her lips and kissed his fingers. “Will you touch me, love? Like you did last night? I want to feel that again. I want to feel…everything.” She placed his hand on her breast and moaned as he squeezed her. “Ohhhh, Hibiki, that’s good. I wanted to do this last night, I wanted it _so much!_ But we’d’ve had to stop, and I don’t think I could have.”

“We don’t have to stop tonight,” he murmured.

She moaned again. “You’d better not.” She sunk her fingers into his hair and pulled his head down. He put his mouth over her nipple and applied everything he’d learned from Barnette, and she gasped and shivered and giggled. After a time she took his member into her hand and said breathlessly, “I’m ready, love.”

He helped her turn and lie on the bunk, then positioned himself over her. She reached down and guided him to her, smiled up at him and whispered, “Oh, yes.”

Hibiki pushed into her slowly, taking care to make her first time as easy as he could. Dita moaned rapturously as she felt the man she loved fill her, felt heat and pleasure spread all through her body. She gasped, “So this is…making love. Ohhhh, Hibiki. This is…better than anything.” Her back arched, and they both cried out in delight. He moved, and she moved with him. She’d been uncertain at first, but it seemed that her body knew what to do.

He’d been right; his wives were _very_ different. Where Barnette tended to be insistent, even demanding, Dita’s style was more inviting, welcoming…playful. She had her own ways of letting him know what she wanted, what she needed. She _had_ ‘done the reading’ three years ago, had spent those years on a planet where men and women lived together, and learned still more during her research that morning. She knew things that had not occurred to him or Barnette, and they shared in the discoveries. She made _sounds_, too, lots of them. They both did.

Their passion rose, until she gave strident voice to her ecstasy as waves of pleasure roared through her body and ‘orgasm’ ceased to be just a meaningless word. She felt his, too, within her, and that made it even better.

Their lovemaking might not be ‘perfect’ but they didn’t care at all.

Dita felt him start to move and clasped her arms around him. “Don’t go. Stay in me.”

How to tell her this? “It doesn’t really…work that way.”

She’d heard about that, too. Sure enough, she could feel him shrink inside her and slip away, and he turned and lay by her side. She whispered, “Oh, Hibiki. I feel…” She couldn’t complete the thought. She couldn’t find any words…big enough. Strong enough, to support what she felt. She finally gave up on words and squeezed herself tight against him.

He agreed with her completely. He’d been trying for longer, and hadn’t found words either. Even the extraordinarily articulate Barnette had found herself at a loss, had reluctantly given up trying.

It didn’t matter. They both understood.

_This is what he gave Barnette, before I came back. No wonder she saw me as her enemy! She thought I was taking him away from her, made herself half-crazy out of fear that she would never make love to him again, never feel **this** again. I won’t ever do that to her, or give her cause to worry that I would._

A few minutes later Dita squirmed and twisted, seeking a more comfortable position. Her elbow hit the wall. “Ow. Barnette’s right, this bunk is too small.”

Hibiki smiled. “I thought it was fine, a while ago.”

She laughed. “A while ago I wouldn’t have cared if it was half this size. Now, though,” She giggled. “I’m mashed against the wall, and you’re falling out.”

He chuckled. “We’ll try to find something better, tomorrow.”

She closed her eyes. “Mmmmm. Tomorrow. Together. And all the days after that.”

He held her tight. “Always, Dita. Always.”

They were quiet for a time.

“Hibiki? You asked me this morning, if my dreams had come true. They have.”

“All of them?”

“Well not _all_ all. Some of them can’t come true right now. Destroying what’s left of the Harvesters, bringing peace to the galaxy, getting our own home, raising a family…those will take a little longer.”

“Wow. You said you had big dreams.”

She ran her fingers down his arm and slipped them between his.

“Yesterday I was lost and alone. I didn’t even know who I was! Now I’m home, with my friends. I’m married to you, we just made love for the first time, and it was incredible. We’re going to make love again in a little while. And there’s Barnette. Yesterday she wasn’t a part of my dreams. Now she’s in all of them.” She squeezed his hand. “What about your dreams?”

He squeezed back. “My only dream was finding you. For three years, that was all I lived for.”

She chuckled. “Finding me? That’s all? Not hold me in your arms, and kiss me, and make love to me? Marry me, and spend our lives together? Just find me, and say, ’There, that’s done’?”

“Uh, no, of course not!” He sounded a little confused. “But, none of that mattered if I didn’t find you.”

She kissed him. “I know what you meant. I’m teasing you again.”

“Oh.”

He thought for a minute. “You’re my dream now, Dita. You and Barnette are the only dream I need. As long as we’re together, it’s come true.”

“Oh, Hibiki, love,” she whispered. “You make me _so_ happy.” There were tears in her eyes. After a while, she giggled. “So, _how_ long have you been imagining me with my clothes off?”

He protested, “Dita…”

“All right, I’m teasing you.” She rubbed her cheek against his neck. “I love teasing you. And I’ve got three years worth to catch up on, so watch out!”

“Oh, no…”

She kissed his ear. “I think you like it, too. You just like to complain about it.”

He groaned. “I’m doomed.”

She got a little more serious. “You didn’t have to imagine me. I would have taken my clothes off for you, a long time ago. I wanted to make love to you back then, before they took me away.”

“I, uh, figured that out. After it was too late, of course. I thought about it again, today. It probably wouldn’t have ended well. Remember, that was the old me, old Head-Up-Ass Hibiki. If we had…I probably would have hurt you, and made you cry. Again. I’d regret that more than anything we didn’t do.”

“I think you would have done better than that.” She sighed. “But then the memories would have been taken from me.”

He held her close. “Don’t think about that. It’s over. Everything’s all right now.”

She smiled. “You’re right. We’re together, and they’re not going to break our marriage apart. Barnette’s idea really paid off.”

“After you thought of the marriage in the first place.” He chuckled. “And got her to agree. And solved the problems _we_ had. And tonight…”

He lay lost in thought for a few seconds. “How do you do it, Dita? Only see what’s important, and ignore the rest?”

“What do you mean?”

He tried again. “What Barnette said, tonight. About you showing us how simple things should be.”

She looked pensive. “I don’t know. I guess I just don’t understand ‘the rest’. It doesn’t make sense to me.”

He smiled. “I’m not so sure you’re the one who doesn’t understand.”

“What _do_ you mean?” She sounded a bit suspicious — as if he might be making fun of her.

“You seem to keep finding the right answers, while the rest of us worry about stuff that doesn’t matter. Does that make _us_ the smart ones?”

Dita thought about it for a few seconds, then smiled and kissed him. He kissed back, passing on a few more things Barnette had taught him. She proved to be a quick learner. The kiss ended and they lay quietly for a few minutes, just enjoying the moment.

Hibiki turned, sat up beside her and caressed her forehead with his fingertips. He moved down to her temples and cheeks, then started working them into the sides and back of her neck, avoiding the bruises. She looked up at him curiously. “What are you doing, love?”

He grinned down at her. “You said I could run my hands all over you. Is that still okay?”

She gave him a lazy smile. “Oh. Oh, yes. That sounds lovely. Mmmmm, that feels good.”

He dug his fingers into her shoulders. “If I start to…to do anything you don’t like, tell me and I’ll stop.”

She looked up at him, still smiling. “I’m sure you won’t.”

He hadn’t really massaged Barnette from the front, but he didn’t want Dita to turn over. He wanted to see her face, and her eyes, and… well, he would just have to do this a little differently. Her body felt much like his green-haired wife’s, layers of muscle under her wonderfully soft, smooth skin. He worked his way down each arm to her fingers. She felt twinges as he went around the bruises on her left arm, but they were a trifling distraction and she ignored them. He couldn’t get to her back, so he put his hands around her waist and massaged as far as he could, then continued down her legs, accompanied by her soft sounds of pleasure, and finished by rubbing her feet again.

Dita sighed contentedly. “You never told me you knew how to give massages.”

“I don’t, really. Barnette showed me how, and I…practiced on her, twice. That’s it.”

“Oh. Well, I guess you’re a really fast learner.”

“I’m glad you liked it.” He sat near the middle of the bunk.

“I love it,” she said happily. “You’re a man of hidden talents.” She gave him an inviting smile. “Do you have any more…_talents_ I should know about?”

_Strawberries_, he thought, but they didn’t have any and he wasn’t about to run around trying to find some now. He returned her smile. “Maybe one or two.” Did Barnette’s massage cream count?

She started to say something, then stopped herself and substituted, “I guess we shouldn’t try to do everything all at once.” Her smile turned impish. “We can save a _few_ things for later; we’ve got the rest of our lives, to do anything we want.”

“Anything?” he echoed, and slid his hand up to her breasts.

She took a deep breath and moaned softly. “Mmmm, good,” she murmured.

He stroked and caressed, smiling at her, and finally asked her, bashfully, “Are they, umm…”

“Bigger than you remember?” She giggled as his expression grew still more uncomfortable. “Yup. Three years worth. I think this is about as big as they’re going to get, though.” She giggled again. “Jura’s got nothing to worry about.”

“They’re just right,” he said hastily, and found that he had no idea what else to say.

Dita smiled, and put her hand around his member again. “You’ve grown, too. At least, I think it’s bigger. You never let me see you, before.”

“Uhhh…yeah, you’re right…” He ran out of words again, and squeezed her breast.

“Ahhhh…” she breathed. “That’s the first place you touched me like this.”

“I didn’t mean to. Not then. I was…” He still wasn’t sure what he’d been thinking.

“You were treating me like a woman you’re in love with.” Her voice was low and arousing again. “I could feel that. I felt a _lot_ of things when you touched me last night.”

“I thought you’d be pissed.”

“It _was_ a surprise.” She chuckled. “A really good one, but not at the best time.”

“How about now?” he asked with a sly smile.

She moaned again. “I’ll be pissed if you _stop_.”

He didn’t stop. He caressed her with his hands, then his lips and tongue. She moaned and squirmed and shivered under his attentions. This was unlike anything she’d ever felt before this night. He moved up to her neck, staying away from the bruises, and she was surprised again at the feelings coursing through her. She cried out, _“Mister Alien!”_ — who would have thought her _ear_ would be so sensitive to his tongue?

At last he reached her lips and Dita responded fervently to the long kiss, catching his tongue with hers. Last night’s kiss had been a marvelous revelation; knowing what to expect made this one even better. She could feel that her technique had improved, too. Hibiki was moaning right along with her.

All too soon they had to catch their breath, gazing into each other’s eyes. Dita looked down, then smiled up at him. “Oh, my. Hibiki, love, are we going to make some more of our dreams come true?”

He smiled back, and slid up onto the bunk, and she took him in again with glad cries. The now-familiar sensations caught hold of her again, waves of intense pleasure that carried her to the peak, and over. She coasted down, feeling warm and satisfied, holding tight to her husband.

A few minutes later Hibiki sat up and started getting dressed. Dita reached up and stroked her fingers down his back. “Going somewhere, love?”

He looked down at her and smiled. “I had an idea. I think you’ll like it. I should be back in fifteen or twenty minutes.”

“What is it?”

He grinned. “I’m not going to tell you. This time I get to tease you. How does it feel?”

She stuck her tongue out at him. “Meanie.” She pouted prettily, but he just kept dressing. “Oh, all right,” she acquiesced. “Kiss me first.”

He did.

* * *

Hibiki knocked on her door. “Barnette?”

No response.

He knocked harder. “Barnette? You awake?”

This time he heard, “Uuuhhh. Hibiki?”

“Yup, it’s me.”

“Whaaa…what are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?”

“Oh, of course. Come on in.”

He opened the door and stepped inside, closed it. The lights were on their lowest setting; he turned them up until he could see her clearly. She had raised herself up on one elbow, her hair was tousled, and the blanket had slipped down, revealing that she wasn’t wearing a bra. He had an instant flashback to his first sight of her, the night before last. He decided that she looked just as beautiful tonight. He walked over and sat on her bed.

She was still looking up at him. “Why are you here? You’re supposed to be with Dita.”

“We both agreed it was just wrong for you to spend your wedding night all alone. I’m here to keep you company.”

She smiled. “Dear Dita,” she said fondly. Then she gave him a very different smile. “You’d better be here to do a lot more than keep me company.”

He smiled back. “Whatever my wife wants.”

She reached up, pulled him down, and kissed him long and passionately. Then she pushed him back up and started tugging at his shirt. “Your wife wants those clothes off her husband.”

“Yes, dear,” he said meekly, but with a big smile, unbuttoning his shirt.

Barnette pulled the blanket aside, showing him that she had no panties on, either. It would appear that she slept in nothing at all; he hadn’t thought about the matter before. She watched him with anticipation, took a deep breath and pushed her breasts out, enticing him further. He finished undressing, sat on her bed again and ran his hands over her body. ‘Foreplay’ was another word unknown on Taraak, but he was beginning to understand the basic principle, that sex was better for both of them if they built up to it slowly. His wife’s hands did exciting things to him in return; she _had_ taught him, after all.

With a mischievous grin, he bent down and whispered in her ear, “Strawberries?”

She shivered as his question brought their last night together powerfully to mind. With one hand she squeezed him, with the other she hauled him in for another long kiss. When it ended she was breathing hard and pulling at him insistently. “Get your ass into this bed, _now_,” she commanded.

He obeyed quickly, his grin even wider. “They warned us about you women back on Taraak, but they never said you were _this_ scary.”

There was a lot more to Barnette than he’d known. He’d found Dita to be quite a bit more…enthusiastic about their lovemaking than Barnette had been. Now he found out why. All their previous encounters had been, to a certain extent, secretive, subdued, almost furtive. He never knew how much she’d been holding back, to avoid discovery. Today they had proclaimed their love to the universe and they had nothing to hide. Now, for the first time, she felt free to let it all out. Tonight she completely let go, gave herself fully, exuberant and unrestrained. She moaned and cried out, laughed and called his name. She became all of herself, a Barnette she had never shown him before. In a way, they got to have their first time all over again. If this wasn’t another supernova, it was close.

They relaxed, holding each other. After a while Barnette looked at him speculatively. “So, how was Dita?”

“She’s great,” he replied without thinking, then amended hastily, “Um, I, I, mean, she’s, uh, really happy.”

“I know what you meant,” she reprimanded him lightheartedly. When he continued to look worried she relented, kissed him and said, “It’s all right, dear. You can say our wife is good in bed, and it won’t bother me. Actually, it confirms something I’ve been thinking about for the last few hours.”

He jumped on a chance to shift the subject, even a little. “What is it?”

She shook her head slightly. “I’m still thinking it over. When I’m done, I’ll tell you both. For now, it’s not important.”

Hibiki eyed her for a few more seconds, then made an uncertain sound. She smiled and squeezed herself against him, and he smiled back.

Several minutes later he sat up and reached for his clothes. “Will you come with me? I’ve got a surprise for you.”

She opened her eyes and smiled at him. “Another surprise? Okay. I loved the first one.”

They dressed and left her room. As she closed the door, she asked, “What is it?”

“Well, now, if I told you it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it?”

He took her hand and walked with her, up almost a dozen levels into the men’s part of the ship, and stopped in front of his room. “First, Dita showed me an old tradition. Hold still.”

He put her left arm around his neck, positioned his arm behind her back, reached down and picked her up. It was easy, this time.

“Oh! Hibiki!” She threw her other arm around him and clung tight.

Carrying Barnette didn’t feel quite the same as carrying Dita, but he felt the same way _about_ her.

Finding that he held her securely, she relaxed. “You could have warned me!”

He grinned at her. “Yeah, but it wouldn’t have been as much fun. Could you get the door?”

She reached out and opened it. He carried her through carefully, and she closed it again. The lights were low. Much of the floor was taken up by a thick stack of cargo padding with a sheet over it and Dita sprawled naked in the middle, sound asleep. “You said you wanted a big bed.”

“So I did.” She reached up and kissed him. “Thank you. I love this surprise, too.”

He set her back on her feet.

“Wow. I never felt anything like that before. It felt really good.”

“It felt good to me, too.”

She looked down at their peacefully sleeping wife again. “How could I have ever wanted to hurt Dita? She never deserved the things I did to her, the things I tried to do. I’m so ashamed of it all.”

He put his other arm around her. “We all forgave each other already. She doesn’t want you to go on feeling guilty about things you can’t change, and neither do I. She told me we can’t go back, undo the things we’ve done, only do better. Besides, everything’s all right now. She’s happy with the way it all worked out, we both are.”

Barnette smiled at him. “You’ve got a point. Everything we did brought us to now, and I wouldn’t change this now for anything.”

He let go of her, knelt on the pads, leaned over and kissed Dita. “Dita. Wake up.” She shifted slightly, but that was all. He kissed her again, longer. “Wake up, sleepyhead.”

This time she turned her head and raised one hand. “Mmmmm. Mister Alien? Come back to bed, love.”

He took her hand and pulled lightly. “Wake up. Barnette’s here.”

She twisted and stretched luxuriantly, then opened her eyes and looked up with a sleepy smile. “Hi, Barnette. Look what our husband made for us. It’s wonnnnnderful. Isn’t he clever?”

Barnette sat beside him. “Yes, he is. I’m glad we married him.”

He smiled at both of them. “It’s…kind of a wedding present for all of us. Until we can get a real bed.”

Dita waved her hand at them. “Come to bed, you two. I’m getting lonely. You were right, Barnette, I don’t want to sleep alone.”

They looked at each other, then started to undress, helping each other a little. They were too tired for more than occasional, lingering touches.

Dita continued, “You were right about Hibiki, too, he does know how to make a girl happy. And about taking it slow. It was wonderful! And the second time was even better. Then he said he had an idea, and he came back with some girls from the supply department and a bunch of pads. We thanked them, he started piling these up, and I helped, and pretty soon it was all done. And then, well, of course we had to try it out!”

She touched her fingers to her forehead in a lazy, mock salute. “Lieutenant Liebely reports that our husband’s new bed works just great! It’s a lot better than the bunk. You don’t have to worry about falling out or hitting the wall.” She stopped for a long yawn. “The third time was even better than the first two. Then I told him it wasn’t fair for you to be all alone, and I guess I kind of fell asleep. I’m a little tired.”

They finished undressing, and Barnette said, “We all are, dear. Especially Hibiki.” She grinned mischievously. “Four times, plus running all over the ship and carrying us both through the door. It’s a wonder he can still move.”

Dita slid over to make room for them. “Oh, he carried you through the door too? Didn’t that feel good?”

He’d stuck a folded piece of padding under the sheet at the far end of their makeshift bed to form a pillow. They spread another sheet and a light blanket over themselves. Barnette snuggled up on his right side, Dita on his left. They both closed their eyes and sighed contentedly. He shifted a little to get comfortable, then closed his. He decided that he was entirely in favor of marriage.


	38. Menace By Night

The door opened. A black shadow stood in the doorway, staring down at them. Hibiki woke abruptly, saw it, prepared himself to attack, to protect his wives.

A voice growled, “No heroics for you tonight, punk.”

The shadow waved an arm at him. He was seized by some invisible force and thrown against the wall above his bunk, the sheet and blanket flapping around him. It pinned him there, and his struggles were futile.

Dita awakened instantly. She _felt_ the shadow’s presence, and whispered, “Please help us.”

The shadowy shape raised its arm again, and Barnette was hoisted off the bed and suspended with her feet a short distance above it, facing the doorway. She tried to fight back, but was also held motionless.

"So this is where you were hidin’. What's with you?” Barnette recognized the voice that had tempted and tormented her at the target range, and twice more in her quarters. “You were supposed to kill this red-haired bitch for me. I even tried to help, and all you did was argue and wave guns around. Then you go and marry ‘er, you stupid twat. I knew you went both ways, but not her.”

She was turned left a little, then right. "Daaamn, you're a hottie." The shadow made an evil chuckle and seemed to look up towards Hibiki. "Gotta hand it to ya numbnuts, you sure can pick 'em." It returned its attention to Barnette. “You could have had me all to yourself, babe, but now you’re gonna have to wait your turn — business before entertainment."

The shadow flicked its hand, and Barnette was flung across the room and slammed into the wall, and Hibiki. She cried out in pain, he groaned as he felt ribs crack. They were dropped onto the bunk, and could only lie there stunned. He managed to put an arm around her, a feeble attempt to comfort and protect her.

It looked down at Dita. "Here we are again toots, and this time I _know_ we won't get interrupted. Your flyin’ pain in the ass is all took apart.”

Dita lay still with her eyes closed. Her fingers twitched, very slightly.

The smug voice suddenly seemed puzzled. “What’s up with that, anyway? Damn thing flew half-way around the planet all on its own and took off with you before I even got warmed up. Like it’s got the hots for you or sumpthin. Really pissed me off, too.” Another ghastly laugh. “Well, I’m all calmed down now. I promise I won’t get impatient and kill you too quick, even though we’re a little short on time. How do you expect me to do my best work when I’m rushed?”

The voice went on, excited, gloating, “You’re gonna scream for me tonight, bitch. You’re gonna scream _real_ good.” It made an indescribable sound, of hunger and anticipation. “Let’s get this party started.”

The shadow gestured at Dita.

Nothing happened.

The figure jabbed its arm at her, violently. This time, Dita opened her eyes. They were filled with blue light. She rose from the bed until she stood upright. There was something unnatural about her movements, as if she were simply ignoring the ship’s artificial gravity. Her hair billowed around and above her head like a brilliant red storm-cloud, threaded with tiny blue-white sparks. She turned that glowing blue gaze on the intruder.

**“THESE ARE FRIENDS. YOU HARM THEM. YOU ARE ENEMY.”**

She sounded unnatural, too. Her voice was normal, if flat, but overlaid on it was another version of her voice, stronger, resonant, with almost mechanical overtones. It came not from her, but from everywhere. She raised her left hand and blue light dispersed the shadow, showing what looked like one of the Taraak crewmen. The light brightened and his appearance shifted, revealing the blond idol she had encountered the day before.

The eyes were still just as empty and the expression was one of absolute sadistic malice. “More tricks?” he snarled. “I’ll show you some tricks!” He pointed two fingers at Dita and a bolt of red darkness slammed into her, knocking her back a few centimeters. Other than that small movement, though, she seemed unaffected. She frowned and lowered her hand, but the man-thing remained visible. Unmasked, he quit trying to conceal or disguise himself.

**“I KNOW YOU. I REMEMBER WHAT YOU DID TO ME, AND WHAT YOU TRIED TO DO.”**

Her voice had changed again; it still echoed with power, but it was expressive now, threatening, vengeful. Dita was speaking for herself this time, where before it had been the Pyxis speaking through her.

**“YOU TOOK ME FROM MY HOME, MY FRIENDS, AND THE MAN I LOVE. YOU STOLE MY MEMORIES, AND THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE, AND THEN YOU TRIED TO KILL ME.”**

Dita raised her right hand now, palm up, and watched in fascination as streaks of blue light converged above it from every direction, coalescing into a burr-like ball of crackling sparks with a brilliant, pulsing core.

**“TIME FOR YOU TO PAY!”**

She flipped the fist-sized sparkball at the man-thing. He tried dodging to the right but it tracked his movement unerringly and struck him in the stomach. The sparks spread out and wrapped around him as the crackling grew louder. His expression changed from arrogant malice to shock, surprise and pain, his mouth opened wide and released an unearthly howl. He dug and scrabbled at them, but got only burned fingers for the effort. The ball lasted some twenty seconds before it sputtered out.

Deep burns tracked across the man-thing’s clothing and skin, and wisps of smoke rose lazily. He was half-panting, half-growling now, glaring hatefully at Dita. “Nice try bitch, but I’m too tough for you. My turn!” His right hand thrust out at her, spread and curved like a claw. Jagged black lightning limned with a baleful red glow discharged from the fingers, reached out and twined around her, sizzling. Thick branching strands crawled across her body like worms, seeking out vulnerable spots, slithering over her breasts and between her legs.

Barnette gasped in horror, but Dita merely hissed with distaste. Blue light flared where the red-black creepers tore at her skin, leaving her untouched. She swept her right hand around, gathered up the mains leading back to the man-thing and clenched them in her fist.

**“NOT THIS TIME, YOU SLIMY PERVERT!”**

Dita ripped the groping things off her, then slashed the man-thing across the face with them. His left arm jerked up with inhuman speed to block the attack, and was partially successful. They flashed with blue fire over the red and black, and left more smoking burn marks behind.

She lowered her fist and a wave of blue light swept down her arm, glowing brighter until it reached her hand. It followed the black-red lightning to its source and up the man-thing’s arm; he screamed in pain, and the lightning shattered into a cloud of tiny black specks that faded away.

That was more than the man-thing could take. He started backing towards the door. Dita made a swirling gesture with her left hand as her lips spread in a cold, spiteful smile.

**“YOU’RE NOT LEAVING. WE’VE GOT STUFF TO DO.”**

Blue light streamed from the floor and walls, formed a barrier across the doorway and blocked any escape. Dita drifted forward, more blue light gathering around her hands.

Trapped, the man-thing roared and launched himself at her. Dita’s lips peeled back in something far too primal to be called a grin and, once again, she kicked him in the balls. Yesterday her merely human strength had been ineffective. Tonight the Pyxis lent her nearly unlimited power; her kick stopped the man-thing dead in his tracks and he hunched over, screeching with pain and rage.

Dita wasn’t done yet. Two thick bunches of her hair reached out like arms, wrapped around his neck and yanked him up straight. She drew her right hand back and slapped him with a sound like Barnette’s favorite shotgun.

**“ARE YOU HAVING _FUN_ YET, YOU PIECE OF SHIT?”**

Her voice was a furious thunder, and her backhand follow-up was just as loud as the first slap.

** _“ARE YOU?”_ **

Her hair flipped him over and smashed him into the deck, then pulled back and rejoined the storm-cloud above her. The man-thing shook his head groggily, then surged to his feet and reached out to grapple with her. Dita clenched her fists, shouted “**HAI!**” and pummeled him brutally, eliciting sharp grunts of pain, accompanied by sounds like sledgehammers pounding on a log. He staggered back, then braced and started to push forward as if forcing his way against a strong wind. The man-thing grabbed at Dita again and she jabbed him in the face. There was a blinding flash of blue light around her fist, and a loud **BOOM**. The man-thing was flung back into the barrier and…stuck. He struggled to break free, and failed.

A change came over Dita then, her predatory expression faded and she floated a few centimeters higher. She examined the transfixed man-thing with a kind of passive curiosity for several seconds. Her flat Pyxis-voice rang out:

**“YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ENEMY. THERE ARE OTHERS. REVEAL ALL THAT YOU KNOW.”**

“You’ll never get nuthin’ outta me, bitch!” he yelled defiantly, but then he groaned, and signs of some desperate internal struggle showed on his face. Dita continued to watch carefully until he groaned again, and scowled poisonously at her.

**“DON’T KNOW MUCH, DO YOU?”** she said disdainfully in her own voice.

She somehow looked inward, and the light in her eyes…_fluttered_, brightening and dimming in quick tiny increments for a few seconds. Some sort of understanding seemed to come to her then, and she turned her attention back to the man-thing.

**“YOU WOULD END THEIR EXISTENCE.”**

Her voice was calm and uninflected again, with just a hint of puzzled surprise.

**“THAT IS NOT PERMITTED.”**

Now she sounded stern, and decisive. The man-thing glared at her but said nothing.

**“YOU ARE OF NO FURTHER USE. YOUR EXISTENCE MUST END.”**

She pronounced that with grim finality, and a sense that both Dita and the Pyxis spoke as one.

This provoked a retort from the man-thing; “You puny creatures can’t kill me! I am immortal!”

Dita did not reply. The light trapping him blazed up in a blue corona and the man-thing began to dissolve, ruining that perfect face. He struggled some more and made strangled, croaking noises as stains spread into the light, purple and red and swirling black. More blue light poured in, beating against the contamination, burning it away. Barnette screamed and squinched her eyes shut, overcome by the gruesome sight as skin and flesh melted off, bones crumbled, organs disintegrated, until all that was left were a few finger-sized crystals, glowing a sullen red. Soon even those were reduced to nothing and only the pure blue light remained, slowly fading.

Dita watched coolly until the light-show ended, her hair settling to lie innocuously down her back as if it had never done anything unusual. She lowered herself to a sitting position on the bed and closed her eyes, and when they opened again they were just pretty, blue human eyes. She swayed, and put out a hand to steady herself. She took a deep breath, then looked at Barnette and Hibiki, still lying dazed on the bunk. She crawled over to them, sat up, and took Barnette’s head in her hands. “Barnette. Barnette! Can you hear me?” Her voice was all her own again, sweet, anxious and only human.

“Dita, dear. Please don’t yell in my ear.” She sounded weak but lucid, and slowly opened her eyes. “Hibiki. He’s hurt.” Now she sounded near panic. “He’s not moving!” She started to lift his arm off her, and he groaned.

“Not moving. Cause it hurts. ’M okay. Sorta.” He was taking shallow, cautious breaths. “Cracked ribs. Had ‘em before.” He slowly drew his arm back.

Barnette turned, swung her legs around, and carefully sat up on the edge of the bunk. She looked down at Hibiki, worried.

He grimaced. “Hi, Barnette. Hi, Dita. I know. What’s next. Do it.”

She looked down. “Dita. Can you get up?”

“I think so.” She shoved herself to her feet and stood beside the bunk, still a little wobbly.

“Good. Now, help me get him unwound from the sheet, grab his feet and pull them around, carefully. We’re going to sit him up beside me.”

They untangled him, and Dita pulled. Hibiki grunted and winced a few times, but did his best to cooperate. After his legs were over the side, they each slid an arm under his shoulders.

Barnette said, “We’re going to sit you up. Let us do all the work. This is going to hurt, my love. Ready, Dita?”

Dita nodded. They pulled him up, carefully. He gritted his teeth and growled. They soon got him sitting up, and Dita sat on his other side. They supported him as he regained what breath he could.

“Better. Let’s sit here. For a while.”

Barnette slid a hand around his chest and back, watching every wince. “Just for a minute. We’ve got to get you to sickbay. You might have internal bleeding, or lung damage.”

“I know.” He smiled at her. “Thank you. Dita, Barnette. You take good care of me. Sorry I couldn’t. Do the same.”

Dita shook her head. “There was nothing you could do. That man-thing was far too strong.”

“It threw us both around like dolls,” Barnette added. “But you stopped it, Dita. I saw things, but…how?”

“Not now. Sickbay first. Then I’ll tell you what I can.”

Hibiki said, “Pants."

Barnette looked puzzled. “What for? There’s no time to waste. You could be bleeding.”

He gave her a pleading look.

She huffed, and gave him a sour look back. “Fine. Pants. There they are. Dita?”

Dita stretched, snagged them with her toes and dragged them in. He lifted one foot, then the other as she pulled them on, got them bunched up above his knees. She looked at Barnette. “Taking them off is a lot more fun.”

Barnette shook her head. “I don’t see why they’re so important. I’m not going to waste time getting dressed in an emergency.”

Hibiki looked sheepish, but stubborn. Barnette shook her head again and said, “Men. Let’s get going.”

He looked at her. “You’re hurt too.”

“I’m all right. Just bruises.” She started to rise, and inhaled with a sharp hiss. “Okay. Big bruises.” She pushed through the pain and managed to stand up, listing a bit to port. “Dita, you’re going to have to do most of the work. Let’s get him standing up.”

Dita stood. He put his hands on their shoulders. They crossed their arms behind his back. They lifted, he leaned forward, pushed up, got to his feet with another groan, reached down and pulled up his pants. With Dita supporting him from one side and Barnette hobbling on the other, they made their way to sickbay.

* * *

They got Hibiki loaded onto an examination table. The medical scanner considered the matter for a minute, then delivered its verdict: four cracked ribs and some cartilage damage. Nothing worth waking Doctor McFile over. The duty medic wrapped him up, prescribed a shot of bone-growth stimulant, painkillers and plenty of rest. Barnette was right, she only had some bruises. More pain meds and rest. They were just finishing up when Captain Magno walked in.

Barnette saw her first. “Attention on deck!”

“At ease,” she replied immediately. “Is everybody all right?”

The medic reported, “Lieutenant Commander Orangello has multiple bruises, a few fairly severe. Lieutenant Commander Tokai has four cracked ribs and additional minor trauma. They have both been treated. They should be ready for light duties in two or three days, normal duties in ten to twelve. Lieutenant Liebely has not reported any injuries.”

The Captain smiled at her. “Thank you, Chief Nomari. Are you ready to release them?”

“Yes, Captain. We’re done here. They were just about to leave.”

“Good. I want to see you three in my office.”

“Could we get dressed first?” Dita asked. She and Barnette had borrowed medical smocks but wore nothing else. Hibiki still wore only his pants, and the light gray bandage wrapped around his ribs.

“Of course. I will see you there in a few minutes.” She nodded at them all, turned and walked out.


	39. Debriefing

The captain’s office door was open. Dita said, “Permission to enter?”

“Come in.” Magno and BC were sitting in the second and third seats at the Captain’s conference table. This would be a mostly informal meeting, not an official proceeding. Magno gestured to the seats facing her. “Have a seat.”

Dita closed the door. They variously walked, tottered and hobbled across the room and took the indicated seats. Hibiki laid his hands on the table. Dita took his right hand, Barnette took his left.

The Captain looked at them for a few seconds. “Are you three really all right? We could do this later if you’re not up to it; it would seem that the emergency is over.”

“Now is best,” Dita said. “We’ll forget details if we wait, me especially. We should probably record it, too.”

“I was about to start.” She set a datapad to record, put it in the middle of the table. “I will decide later whether to place this in central data storage.”

Captain Magno looked at them, very official, and intoned gravely, “As I understand it, three of my officers were attacked, in their own quarters, on their wedding night, aboard my ship. I find this troubling. Very troubling. I need to know what happened, how it happened, and how to prevent it from happening again.” She unbent a little, and smiled. “That was the first wedding I ever performed. I would hate to see it end in disaster, especially this soon.”

They had agreed that Hibiki and Barnette would go first, because Dita had the most information to relate and would take much longer.

Hibiki started. “I think it was the door opening that woke me up. I saw somebody standing in the door, and I knew it was an enemy. I don’t know why. Before I could do anything, he said something about ‘no heroics’ and just waved one hand. Something picked me up and threw me against the wall, and sort of _stuck_ me there. I couldn’t see the enemy, just a shadow. It didn’t look _right_, somehow. It pointed at Barnette, and she was lifted up and kind of held in mid-air. It…he said she was supposed to kill Dita, not marry her…”

He went over what he could remember of their attacker’s casual insults and decided none of the rest was worth reporting in detail. “He said a few other rotten things, then kind of flipped a hand at her, and she flew up and crashed into me. That’s how I got the cracked ribs. It dropped us on the bunk, and I was kind of out of it, plus all I could see was the back of Barnette's head.”

“He said some things to Dita then, about how this time they wouldn’t get interrupted because something is taken apart, and that he—“ Hibiki swallowed uncomfortably. “—he wouldn’t kill her too quick. He made some gross noise, and then I heard Dita say ‘These are friends. You harm them. You are enemy.’ really loud, like she was using the ship’s comm system or something. There was a bright blue light, he yelled something, there were loud noises and more lights and Dita said some more things, but I wasn’t really tracking. I could hardly breathe, and I was just kind of waiting for it to end. I don’t remember much more until Dita came over to help us. Barnette sat up, they both helped me get up and almost carried me to sickbay. The enemy was gone.”

Barnette added more. “I woke up when I heard that voice, that awful voice. I didn’t really hear the first thing it said, just a big thump, after the sheet was yanked off us. That must have been Hibiki hitting the wall. Somebody was standing in the door, but all I could see was a dark shape. Something grabbed me and picked me up, like a child picking up a doll. That shadow was _looking_ at me and I never felt so…so naked, and helpless…”

She shivered, and Hibiki squeezed her hand tight. She looked gratefully at him and went on, “That voice did say I was supposed to kill Dita — ‘red-haired bitch’ was what it actually said — but I told it to go to hell, every time!” She looked across at their wife. “I would never have agreed to do such a thing, even at my worst. I— I _couldn’t_.”

Both of them murmured and smiled reassuringly at her. She took comfort from them. “I knew that voice, you see. I heard it when I was, um, kind of going berserk at the shooting range yester— no, day before yesterday, now. It made all the targets look like Dita, and tried to get me to shoot them. Jura came in, and tried to find out what was going on with me, and then suddenly she just stopped moving. Everything stopped, except me and that voice. It tried to convince me to kill you. Then it was gone, and I _had_ to get out of there. Jura told me to stop, and come back, but I got to my quarters and crawled under the bed.” She looked at them again, unsettled. “It was the only place I felt safe.”

“I heard it again, after Hibiki… visited me, while I was restricted to quarters. It showed me things, in my head, things I now know were lies, but they looked so real…” She shook her head. “I should have _known_ they were lies, that neither one of you would have done those things without at least…”

Hibiki squeezed her hand again, and she smiled at him. “It came back again that night, and showed me—“ she stopped abruptly. “…showed me more things, and tried again to get me to kill you. I told it to go away, and finally it did.”

She looked intently at them. “He kept telling me he could get me what I want, if I killed Dita.” Now she looked perplexed. “How could he believe I was that stupid? It’s insulting! Murdering you would destroy all our lives, not get me anything I wanted. Besides, I could tell he just wanted to manipulate me, use me, and then throw me away.”

She smiled at Dita. “Anyway, he lied. He couldn’t give me what I want, because I didn’t know what I wanted. He could never have given me our marriage, the life we have together, the life we will have. He couldn’t have given me myself back.”

They all smiled at each other, then she returned to reporting on the attack. “It was holding me up, and I couldn’t move. It called me a ‘hottie’ and congratulated Hibiki for picking me. As if. Then it said ‘business before entertainment’, and whatever had ahold of me threw me across the room and I smashed into him, where he was stuck to the wall. It let us go then, and we both fell onto the bunk.”

She smiled at their husband. “He put his arm around me. We both knew there was nothing he could do, but he still wanted to try.” She squeezed his hand.

“I wasn’t tracking very well after that, either. It said something about ‘here we are again’ to Dita, and about not being interrupted because her ‘flying pain in the ass’ is taken apart. It _must_ have meant her Dread, because it complained that it flew half-way around the planet and took off with her. As Hibiki told us, it said it wouldn’t get impatient and kill her too quick, complained about being short on time, said it was going to make her scream _real_ good, made this chilling growly noise and said, ‘let’s get this party started’.”

She steadied her breathing. “It waved at her. I expected her to be picked up, or thrown across the room, but nothing happened. It tried again, and still nothing. Then Dita kind of rose up off the bed with her eyes glowing blue and her hair floating around her head, sparking, and she said ‘These are friends. You harm them. You are enemy.’ I remember that very clearly. There was something extra in her voice, something strange and powerful, like some sort of machine-god passing judgement on a criminal. Then she raised her hand and shined a blue light on it, and I could finally see what attacked us. At first I thought it was one of the men from Taraak, but that was some sort of disguise. The light got stronger, and stripped that away, and it was a man I’d never seen before, with an evil look right out of a nightmare.”

She looked anxious, dealing with the distressing memory. “I _knew_ he wanted to torture me, do gross, sick, horrible, vile things to me, to all of us, and kill us. He, he was…I don’t know. What _was_ that, that…?”

Dita told her, helpfully, “I called him the man-thing. A thing that looked like a man. An _evil_ thing.”

“Yes,” she said, nodding. “Yes, that fits. It was an evil man-thing. He shot her with some sort of red beam, but it didn’t even slow her down. She said she remembered him, and what he did to her, and it was time for him to pay. They fought, first with energy weapons like nothing I’ve ever seen before, then hand-to-hand.” She chuckled nastily. “Dita kicked him right in the…the _parts_, and it made him scream, really high.”

Dita snickered, and Hibiki gave her a look that was part congratulatory, part alarmed.

Barnette was still talking. “Then she got down to business and beat the shit out of him. I couldn’t see much, because I was behind Dita. She finished with a big flash of light and a loud bang, and he flew backward. There was a field of blue light across the door, and he got stuck in it. Her voice went empty again, like her first sentence, and she said there are other enemies, and to ‘reveal all that you know’. He said she’d never get anything out of him, but she did, and said he didn’t know much.”

She paused for breath. “She said he was going to ‘end our existence’ and it wasn’t permitted, then said she had no use for him and was ending his existence. He said he was immortal. The light flared up, and he — he started to _melt_. It was hideous, and I guess I just couldn’t take any more. Then Dita was yelling in my ear, and it was all over. We got Hibiki up off the bunk and took him to sickbay.”

Dita started her report. “We were attacked by an agent of our enemies. He boarded the ship two days ago, after the battle at Maddalen. He’s been hiding by making people not see him, or sometimes making himself look like one of the men from Taraak.”

Captain Magno stopped her. “Wait. How did he get aboard? How many more of them could there be? How can we identify them? Can they impersonate women, or only men?”

Dita replied, “He snuck in through the docking bays while the Dreads were landing. He had a ship that’s almost impossible to detect, the one he used to capture me. He could also endure vacuum without a suit for several minutes. He could have made himself look like anybody, but he thought of women as useless and weak. He would never want to take the form of a woman. There are no others on board, and there won’t be. The Pyxis will not allow it. Now that she’s aware of the problem, she will be watching.”

The captain looked puzzled. “The Pyxis? That’s just the ship’s core system, right? The power source.”

Barnette looked at her very seriously. “Were you not told the true nature of the Pyxis? Or did you not believe it?”

“My sister said something about it being a life-form, but that sounded pretty far-fetched to me.” She turned to BC. “Was that what you meant, when you told me the Nirvana is unlike any ship I’ve ever seen before?”

“That’s part of it, Captain,” the Exec confirmed. “It’s very hard to explain, so it’s usually best to discover it in your own way.”

Magno looked at them grimly. “I think we’ve run out of time for casual discovery. I want to hear it.”

Barnette looked at Dita. Dita nodded. Barnette was by far the best choice to convince anybody about anything. By now, she had heard almost everything about the Pyxis, and had seen most of its capabilities herself. She began.

“Captain Magno, what I am about to tell you is the absolute truth, and it is extremely important. It will be difficult for you to believe. Much of it was difficult for us to believe, at first. Most people still do not believe it. That is of little consequence. However, it is imperative that as commanding officer of this ship you understand it, believe it, and base your decisions on it. If you do not, we will almost certainly lose this war, and most of the human race may be annihilated.”

She stopped, and looked solemnly at Captain Magno 2 Vivan.

Magno considered her for a few seconds, then nodded. “Go on.”

“The Pyxis Pragma is a composite crystalline-energy life-form from a parallel universe. Some of the physical laws that define its existence derive from that universe, so it can do some things we would consider impossible, or magic, or miracles. The steerable lasers are one example. Wormhole jumps are another one. By our universe’s physical laws, we should not survive those jumps. We, and the ship, should be shredded nearly to the atomic level by gravitic stresses. The Pyxis counteracts those with other forces, including some that don’t belong to our universe.”

“It is a source of immense power. The original colony ship Ikazuchi was built around it, to make use of that power. When the ship was re-activated, and we captured it, the Taraak military tried to destroy it. The Pyxis made a wormhole jump of more than five thousand light-years in the general direction of Earth, then fused the Ikazuchi, our ship, and some other material together to form the ship we named the Nirvana. The Pyxis _is_ the Nirvana. The ship is its body. It has taken us years to learn her capabilities, and I suspect she may still hold a few surprises for us.”

“You of course know of the VanDreads, and have seen them in action. They are another manifestation of the Pyxis. It created them, from three ordinary Dreads and one of the Taraak Vanguard battle mechs.”

She gave the captain another intense look. “Everything I have told you so far is supported by facts and evidence. Things that can be seen, measured, verified. The rest, what I tell you now, is nearly impossible to measure or verify. It is also the most important part.”

Magno nodded again.

“The Pyxis is much more than even that. It is a living, thinking, intelligent, conscious being. Don’t think of it as one of the ship’s systems, but as a member of the crew. It has emotions, too. On that day more than four years ago, when missiles were on their way to destroy us, Dita’s Dread was trapped and she was unable to escape. She called out for help — and the Pyxis heard her. We suspect that it jumped, and rebuilt the ship, all to save her. Then, in our final battle with the Harvester world-destroyer, we believe it was DIta’s call for help that moved the Pyxis to save us all.”

Now Magno looked dubious. Barnette continued.

“During that first jump, the Pyxis formed a special connection to four people. Dita, Meia, Jura and Hibiki all had visions and strange experiences that seemed to last for hours, though for the rest of us the jump took only an instant. That was also when the Dreads, the Vanguard, and an old NAVI-robot gained their unique qualities — while they were in close proximity to those four people. That connection persists, as our experiments have confirmed. Only the designated pilots can join their Dreads with Hibiki’s Vanguard to form the VanDreads. They are difficult for anyone else to fly, as if they resent having a stranger at the controls. Even Jura and Meia have trouble flying each other’s Dreads.”

Reminded of some specific evidence, Magno looked less dubious.

“The Pyxis is connected to four people, but its attachment to Dita seems strongest. In simple terms, it seems to like her the best, and I have an idea why.” She smiled at Dita. “She is the most positive person I have ever met. She’s an eternal optimist, always ready to believe the best about everybody, she has no malice, or spite, or meanness in her, and her first impulse is always to help people. I’ve only been married to her for a few hours and I can’t imagine the rest of my life without her. Hibiki and I are two very lucky people. I think that’s what the Pyxis sees in her too. It has demonstrated an affinity for positive emotions.”

Magno sat lost in thought for a short time, then looked at Buzam. “Do you believe all this?”

She nodded. “It matches everything I know about the Nirvana, and the Pyxis.”

Hibiki added, “It’s all true, Captain. I never thought about some of the things Barnette said, but it fits. The Pyxis knows we’re here, and it helps us. It even tries to communicate with us sometimes, but it’s hard to figure out _what_ it’s trying to communicate.”

Barnette explained, “I think that’s because we lack the proper referents. The Pyxis perceives time and space in ways we do not, ways that are simply outside the capabilities of the human brain. Communicating with us must be very difficult for it; imagine trying to explain ‘green’ to a blind girl, or music to the deaf. I also think it is vastly more intelligent than we are, with knowledge that spans our universe, and others, that we can only ever understand a small part of what it truly is. It must have a hard time trying to limit itself to what little we can make sense of.”

Magno pondered this. “That’s a lot to take in. It will take a great deal of thought, and time.”

“Of course. It has taken us more than four years,” Barnette replied.

Dita looked at Magno, then Barnette. “We should introduce her to the Pyxis. Soon.”

“Introduce me?”

Barnette looked at Dita. “Good idea.” She looked at Magno. “There is a place, down in the ship’s core near the main mass of the Pyxis, where its presence, its awareness, is greatest. It’s where Dita first called out for help, where we go to ask for a wormhole jump. We take you, and the NAVI-robot, Pyoro, and we…talk to the Pyxis. It’s easier if he translates.”

After a few seconds she added, “You should introduce me, too. Now that I’m married to you both, that might change how it perceives me. All six of us should go, I think, if we can get Jura to agree.”

Magno flipped one hand dismissively. “All that’s for later. Let’s continue with what happened tonight. Dita?”

“You needed to hear that, Captain. What I’m going to tell you wouldn’t make sense without it. The enemy came to Hibiki’s room, and attacked him, then Barnette, then turned his attention to me. He was there to kill us all, and was going to take hours to do it. He put up some sort of block, so nobody outside would see or hear what was happening, and interfere. But by the time he got to me, the Pyxis had noticed what was happening, felt the enemy’s hate, Hibiki’s pain, my fear, and even a little from Barnette, and when I asked for help, she protected us.”

Hibiki interrupted her. “You keep calling the Pyxis ‘she’. Why do you think it’s a girl?”

“Well, she doesn’t feel like a man.” She gave him a very special smile. “I know what a man feels like, now. The Pyxis feels like a mother, or, more like a sister. A big sister who cares about us, and protects us.”

Dita turned back to Captain Magno. “She protected us tonight. More than that, she joined with me, put some of her power into me, and extended her senses through me. Barnette says my eyes were glowing; that must have been the Pyxis, trying to see things as I did. I became a part of the Pyxis, a locus for her awareness, and we faced our enemy together. It was an enemy to us all, hated us all, and one of the reasons he wanted to kill us was to hurt the Pyxis, because he wasn’t strong enough to strike at her directly. He projected the forces he had used on Hibiki and Barnette at me, but we blocked them, and revealed first his disguise, then his primary form. We fought him, trapped him, examined him, and learned that he was the same thing that attacked me two days ago on Gunzo, the same one that took me from you three years ago and put me there. The one that blocked my memories so I couldn’t find my way back to you.”

“The attack was not coincidence. When you brought the Nirvana to that system, he was ordered to kill me rather than take a chance you would find me. When that failed, he followed me to try again. Depriving us of my VanDread, and the Super VanDread, was part of their plans.”

“During the fight we found that the enemy had…put something in me. Like some sort of programming, or time bomb. You weren’t supposed to get me back yet, because it wasn’t finished. When it was, it would force me to do things — sabotage the Nirvana, turn on you during battle, force you to kill me. Removing it was complex, and risky, but the part of us that was _me_ wouldn’t allow it to be left in there. We picked it out, bit by bit, and…filled in the places where it had been hidden. It will be nearly impossible for an enemy to affect my mind again, and there will always be a tiny trace of the Pyxis in me.”

“I learned something else when we were joined. The Pyxis missed me, while I was gone. In her own way, she was searching for me, too. When that thing attacked me, when I thought he was going to kill me, the Pyxis was already aware of my presence, knew I was near. She only needed me to respond, to locate me, so when I tried to call for help, she was ready. She sent my Dread to save me, and the rest you know.”

“We had learned all we could from the enemy, so we erased him, completely. He’s gone. There’s not a single trace of him remaining. With the threat eliminated, the task finished, the Pyxis withdrew her presence from me, and I went to help my wife and husband.”

Dita had seemed almost in a trance as she related her tale, and now she blinked and gave them a shaky smile.


	40. Always With Us

Dita looked at them all. “If there’s anything else you need to know, ask me now. There’s not much time.”

Hibiki couldn’t hold back. “Dita! Wasn’t that _dangerous?”_

She gave him a questioning look. “Compared to being tortured and murdered by a minion of our enemies?”

He looked embarrassed. “Uh, yeah, there’s that.”

“There was a small risk I would suffer permanent damage, but the Pyxis was very careful, and, well, I survived. We all did.”

Commander Calessa asked, “What do you mean, there’s not much time?”

Dita had a distant look. “I was part of the Pyxis, part of her mind, if only at the very edge. Barnette’s right, she’s far more than human, a greater order of intelligence. I saw things, knew things, understood things no human has ever experienced. The fine structure of our universe, the ways to other universes, the nature of forces and effects we haven’t even discovered yet. Holding even the tiniest fragment of her awareness is a strain on the brain. I’m already losing the details, and the rest is fading. In a few hours I’ll be back to normal, and only a memory of those memories will remain.”

Captain Magno wanted to know, “What about that ‘trace of the Pyxis’ you mentioned?”

“It won’t give me super powers or anything. I barely notice it, and only when I think about it. It…links us. The Pyxis will always be aware of me now, always know exactly where I am. If the Earthers try to cut me off again I can use it to call for help, and she will hear me, even if I’m half-way across the galaxy.”

Hibiki burst out, “Really? That’s great!”

She made a rather sour face. “Yes, it would have been very handy three years ago. Of course we didn’t know we’d need it then, or even that such a thing was possible.”

Barnette frowned. “How do you feel about that? Having something stuck in you?”

She smiled. “I find it comforting, to know the Pyxis cares about me. Our enemies stuck something in me, and I felt violated when we found it. I helped put this in me. The Pyxis has saved my life at least four times now, and all our lives many more. She has more than earned our trust.” She touched her fingers to her forehead. “I’ll always have a friend watching over me, even when you can’t.”

Barnette still looked uneasy. Dita gave them all a gentle, reassuring smile.

“I’m still me, Barnette. I’m still your wife, and I love you both more than ever. I love our friends. I just have a connection to the Pyxis. Is that so hard to accept? She saved all our lives again tonight. Trust her. Trust _me_.”

“When you put it that way…”

Hibiki squeezed both of their hands. “I trust you, Dita. And the Pyxis. You’re right, she’s saved us a lot.”

Barnette sighed. “I guess it’s just going to take some getting used to.”

“It shouldn’t be too hard. Meia’s had a much bigger piece of the Pyxis in her brain for years.”

“What!?” Barnette cried, shocked.

“Remember way back in the beginning, when her Dread got all shot up and she almost died? A splinter of Pyxis crystal was blown into her head, and it’s still in there. Removing it would have been almost impossible, and it didn’t seem to be doing her any harm, so Duelo left it alone.”

Barnette still looked shocked, but also thoughtful. “I…forgot about that. Didn’t we all decide it was just a broken bit of crystal, not _doing_ anything?”

Dita shook her head. “Any part of the Pyxis that’s not…active, breaks down and disintegrates in a short time. Her shard is still, well, alive. Still linked to the Pyxis. And it hasn’t hurt her, or us, in all this time.”

Hibiki exclaimed, “If they _had_ taken Meia, the Pyxis could have led us right to her!”

Dita frowned. “Maybe. But they probably would have killed her as soon as we caught up with them. It would be obvious we followed her somehow.”

Barnette said, “They tried to kill you, and you escaped.”

Dita sounded bitter, and who could blame her? “Killing me was just a routine precaution, when you showed up in that system. Low priority. They would have been much more determined, and careful, about killing Meia if they thought you followed _her_.”

Captain Magno was puzzled. “You said that whatever they were doing to your mind wasn’t finished. Why not? They’ve had you for three years.”

Dita explained, “The government sent me to one head-doctor after another for a year and a half, trying to find out who I was, where I came from, and why I was there. Uh, that’s about two standard years. Anything the enemy did to me would have been obvious to a neurologist, so they had to wait. Then, they had to do it very, very carefully, without leaving _any_ traces while they were doing it, or after. They had to be certain nobody would notice anything, especially me. They had to unlock my memories eventually, and if I felt something wrong, if I ever suspected I’d been changed, that they could use me against you, make me murder my friends…”

She looked grim. “I would rather die, and take as many of the bastards with me as possible.”

Hibiki squeezed her hand, and nobody said anything for a short time.

Then Magno asked, “How does…she, feel about us ordering her around? Taking the ship where we want to go, using her to fight our battles, even endangering her life, or existence?”

Dita was ready for a new topic. “The Pyxis doesn’t really care where the ship goes. One place is as good as another. She’s always studying everything, and she’s endlessly fascinated by us. We’re unpredictable. She can never tell what crazy thing we’re going to do next.” She giggled. “Like having a wedding on board a battleship.” Her humor faded. “She’s old, eons old, maybe a billion years or more. After all that time, a little unpredictability is a welcome thing.”

She sat quietly, reflecting on that, for a short time, then seemed to remember where she was. “So far, our enemies have been her enemies, too. The Earthers, the Harvest, her evil twin. We’re a great help to her; we go out, keep most of the enemy from attacking the Nirvana directly, and conduct the combat operations. We’re not aware of everything at once, only what’s near us. Each of us can think and act independently, and still cooperate. Those are big advantages in a battle.”

Magno asked her, “What about fighting these new enemies?”

“They’re still using what’s left of the Evil Pyxis. That kind of makes it her business, her responsibility. The battle at Maddalen was her fight as much as ours, and she doesn’t blame you for getting into it, or for how hard it was. That Red Pyxis dreadnought was made to kill her, and without our help it could have. We all fought with her, side by side, and we won. The thing was almost ready to deploy, so if you hadn’t gone to Maddalen it would have been sent to track her down anyway, and there’s no telling how that would have turned out.”

She smiled. “Besides, you wouldn’t have found me. The Pyxis feels…complete, again, with me and my Dread back.” She looked at Hibiki. “Not to mention how _we_ wiped out the enemy, after we found each other. She’s quite happy, with us, and how everything worked out.” Her smile turned nasty. “Of course, we _really_ pissed off the enemy. You got me back, we blew up their shiny new ship, handed ‘em their asses and ran them out of a place where they’d made themselves at home. Now we’ve eliminated their agent, and they got nothing. We’ve come out ahead, for now.”

BC posed the next question. “What did you find out from that agent, or man-thing?”

“Not as much as either of us would have liked,” Dita told them, disappointed. “He didn’t care about their goals, or pay attention to their plans. He was only interested in torture, rape and murder. Oh, and playing around with the power of those Red Pyxis crystals. He thought they made him immortal. Heh. He found out different.” Her face showed an unsettling expression, briefly, before she went on, “He did pick up a few things, without meaning to. Some places the enemy is using. She’s already inserted the data into the ship’s navigation systems. Bart can access it tomorrow.”

BC frowned. “Or places they _were_ using, anyway. We surprised them at Maddalen, but other than that they’ve been damn effective at staying hidden. Was there anything else?”

Dita shook her head again. “No. I could _feel_ her trying to get more out of the crystals before she disintegrated them, but she couldn’t. It would seem they had nothing more than what the man-thing knew. And, they were isolated. Cut off. She couldn’t reach _through_ them to access any of the other Red Pyxis crystals that have to be out there somewhere.” She scowled. “They isolated my Dread, too, and me. The Pyxis couldn’t find either one of us until she was in the same system.”

“Was that why Meia, Jura and I couldn’t find you either?” Hibiki inquired. “We tried, and tried, but they never got anything. I got a _feeling_, that you were out there somewhere, but that was all. It didn’t tell me anything about where to look for you.”

Dita nodded. “They tried to cut me off completely. It worked on everyone but you.” She smiled and squeezed his hand. “We’ve got a very special connection, one they never suspected. The Earthers don’t _get_ love, and how important we are to each other. They’ve lost even the memory of love. They might see you spend three years searching for me, but none of them could have truly understood _why_. The Pyxis did. She amplified that residual signal until you could sense it.”

“She could have told me,” he grumbled. “All I got was the damn _feeling_. It kind of pissed me off sometimes, because it was **NO** help finding you. It just kept _pushing_ at me.”

Barnette looked at him, at Dita, and back. “You can’t dispute the results, though.”

“I guess you’re right,” he admitted.

“They also stole some of the Pyxis crystals out of my Dread,” Dita told them, “and she can’t find them, and that _really_ bothers her. They’re a part of her, and they’ve got them cut off from her.”

“Why did they take them?” BC wondered. “What can they do with them? Is this going to bite us in the ass?”

“If they’re kept isolated they can’t be a direct threat, to her, or to us. If not,” she grinned malevolently, “she’s prepared to destroy them. Spectacularly.”

Magno eyed her questioningly. “Spectacularly?”

The grin got a little wider. “As in, medium-yield nuke spectacular.”

BC frowned. “They’d have to know that. They’ll use them to trick her into blowing up our allies.”

Dita shook her head. “Won’t happen. If they break isolation and she contacts one, she’ll know exactly where it is, and what’s around it. She’d only take drastic action if it’s in enemy hands. Think of them as _really_ smart bombs.” She giggled. “_Genius_ bombs.”

Her amusement flicked off. “She doesn’t know what they’re doing with them. She’s certain they used them for testing that Red Pyxis ship, and learning how to use it against her, but they took them somewhere else before you got to the Maddalen system.”

“How can you be sure?” BC challenged her.

“They can’t keep the crystals isolated from her if they’re close enough,” she replied. “About, oh, a hundred light-hours or so. If they were anywhere in the same star system, she would have known. Just like she knew I was there, and my Dread.”

Barnette looked puzzled. “Wait, if some of the crystals were missing, wouldn’t that weaken your VanDread? It sure didn’t look weaker.”

“She re-grew the missing and broken crystals while I was on my way to Hibiki, and made some improvements while she was at it.” She turned to him. “Didn’t you notice our VanDread was stronger than it used to be?”

He nodded. “I wondered if I was just imagining that.”

“It was real,” she declared. “It was a combination of the upgrades, and us. We were more in tune. You weren’t denying your feelings, or avoiding me, and I…” she gave him an adoring smile, “…I was happier, _and_ more pissed off, than I’d ever been in my life. The Pyxis responds to strong emotions by channeling more power.”

Barnette half-chuckled, half-giggled. “I guess you were really happy, and _really_ pissed off, tonight. You sure channeled a lot of power, anyway! You just _wrecked_ that man-thing’s shit!”

Dita shook her head. “Most of that wasn’t me, it was the Pyxis. I was just…spotting. Directing her aim.”

“But, how?”

She waved her free hand. “Open up any of these walls and you’ll find networks of crystals, linked to the Pyxis. She’s grown all through the ship. There are crystals in the walls of Hibiki’s room, through the whole deck and the deck above. That’s where the power came from, and how she projected my voice. A while ago, I even knew exactly how she did it.”

She thought for a few seconds, and added, “She’s pleased about the progress we’ve made. Between that ship and the man-thing she just destroyed a lot of Red Pyxis remnants. She’s that much closer to getting them all.”

Magno frowned. “All right, I think it’s time somebody told me the whole story about this Red Pyxis. I’ve picked up bits and pieces, but that’s all.”

“You’re right, it’s something you need to know,” Dita acknowledged. “The original Pyxis came to our universe millennia ago. It split itself into two parts just to not be completely alone, and they explored our galaxy together. About three hundred and fifty years ago they came across Old Earth, just at the beginning of their colonization program. The Pyxis studied the Earthers, and they studied her, and saw how much power they could get from her, and built the Ikazuchi around one part. She thought it would be an interesting new experience, and went along with it. The other part remained at Old Earth. The Ikazuchi spent more than two hundred years transporting colony groups to different planets, before bringing the Firsts here. The two parts became more and more different as they had different experiences.”

“A hundred and nineteen years ago, Grand-Ma and Grand-Pa set out aboard the Ikazuchi with a colony group headed for a newly discovered planet — but they didn’t go there. They’d found some clues about what was coming, what would become the Harvest, so they took the ship, and the colonists, and set off into unexplored space, looking for a planet where the Earthers wouldn’t find them. It took them years, but they finally found a system a long ways from Old Earth with _two_ habitable planets, mostly hidden inside an energetic nebula. It wasn’t perfect, one of the planets was kind of marginal, but it was by far the best prospect they’d found. They calculated that the median time to find another suitable system was over twenty years.”

“I won’t get into the politics, and the fight among the Firsts that led them to divide the ship, but Grand-Pa and the Taraak faction were afraid they hadn’t gone far enough and the Earthers would reach them after all. Grand-Ma and the Mejere faction had the other half of the ship so they were forced to compromise; they’d stay here, but leave the ‘real’ colonists in stasis and raise clones, so they’d have tribute to offer in case the Harvest found them. They decided to separate women from men to maintain complete control over the clone genomes, and they had two planets—”

“Wait a minute, how do you know all that?” Barnette demanded. “I thought I knew what happened, but I never heard most of that.”

Dita said gruffly, “The Pyxis was _there_, Barnette. She saw it all, every craven argument, every ugly detail. The Firsts showed her everything that’s worst about us, and if she could weep she would have. As a greater order of intelligence, she felt those strange, unfamiliar emotions far more intensely than we could ever imagine. She found them so overpowering that she…withdrew into herself, tried to shut out what was happening, and stayed that way for more than sixty years. Grand-Pa and the Taraak faction thought ‘their’ part of the Ikazuchi had broken down and practically abandoned her in orbit.”

“By the time she started to recover, the ship was considered almost a derelict, and used as a punishment detail. The few men stuck on board _really_ didn’t want to be there, so the Pyxis, a mind that can think a million times faster than we can, was effectively alone for about forty years. It was torture for her, and a great relief when the Taraak military started refitting her as a battleship.”

Hibiki chuckled. “How did she feel about getting hauled down to the surface?”

“It brought her into contact with more people, so she didn’t mind.” She chuckled, too. “Even though they were all Taraak soldiers, and mostly second-class citizens. She thought they were kind of grim and dull.”

“So is Taraak,” he grumbled. Dita, Barnette, Magno and even Buzam laughed at that.

“When we hijacked the ship,” Dita said with a grin, “she found us to be a much livelier bunch. She likes that. She’s been a lot happier since we took over. She made direct mental contact with four of us, in a way she’d never done before, and that’s given her a lot to think about over the years. We, and the VanDreads, were an experiment that succeeded beyond anything she anticipated.”

“Weren’t the VanDreads just an accident?” Magno asked.

Dita shook her head. “The four of us being in the right place, at the right time, was random chance, but she seized on the opportunity. She put a lot of herself into the VanDreads, because she knew we’d need something special to battle the Harvesters.”

“She knew?” BC blurted out.

“She’d been getting…feedback, you might say, from the part of herself that stayed at Earth. She felt what it had turned into.”

Barnette said skeptically, “She predicted the Harvester battle?”

“Not in detail, but she knew some sort of showdown was inevitable. She did her best to prepare us all for it. I _don’t_ think she expected the Red Pyxis to come here in person, so to speak, or that she would wind up actually destroying it.”

Barnette was troubled. “She _killed_ her own twin?”

Dita looked somber. “She’s very sad about that. She regrets the necessity, but not the doing. Her twin turned evil and became a monster. It was about to destroy an entire star system full of people just because we defended ourselves from being cannibalized for spare parts. She couldn’t let that happen, couldn’t allow a being that was once a part of her to go on doing such horrible things. She had to end it.”

“So what are all these Red Pyxis…s, we keep running into?” Captain Magno asked.

“Those are pieces it detached from itself, and gave some degree of independence, but they are still mere tools. The consciousness, the intelligence, and almost all the memory died with the core when she blew up the Harvester planet-killer. The remaining pieces are a much lesser threat.”

Magno looked concerned. “Lieutenant Slaintheva thinks they put a number of those pieces together to make that dreadnought. If they put enough of them together, could they bring their Pyxis back to life? Can they make more pieces?”

Dita shook her head. “No. They’d need the Pyxis to do either of those things. Oh, they could try to make copies of the pieces they’ve got, but they’d be almost useless. Only a Pyxis can grow real Pyxis crystal in our universe.”

Magno sought clarification. “But things are different, back where they came from?”

Dita started to explain, slowly reverting to a semi-trance. “In the Pyxis universe, the crystals occur naturally. Over billions of years they grew, evolved, and some eventually developed sentience. Unlike our organic forms, theirs are not fixed or limited at their origin. They can continue to grow, physically and mentally, as long as they exist. Some of the very old ones are beyond anything even our Pyxis can understand.”

Hibiki interrupted. “But you said she’s a billion years old. Or more.”

Dita smiled gently at him. “Some of them are over seventy billion years old, and have so twined themselves around time that they are effectively eternal. What is a mere billion years, compared to that? Their minds have grown so vast that our Pyxis can’t even imagine them.”

He looked awed. “Their universe is that much older than ours?”

She tilted her head. “Or time runs differently there. Or some of both.”

Barnette still looked troubled. “Do you know what turned the Earthers’ Pyxis evil? If they started out as twins…”

Dita had returned to herself again, no longer relating knowledge not fully hers. “You’re really asking why this Pyxis is _not_ evil, aren’t you?”

Barnette didn’t answer, but her expression gave her away.

“The two parts were exposed to emotions in different ways,” Dita explained. “Living crystals don’t need emotions, so encountering a bunch of humans stuffed full of these strange feelings was a big surprise. It’s why they hung around Earth, at least in the beginning.”

“The colonization group built a ship around one part, and a different group got access to the other part. Those were people afraid of running into hostile aliens, so they were preparing to fight them. They saw ‘their’ part of the Pyxis as a weapon.”

“This part spent more than two hundred years surrounded by people who cared about something beyond themselves. The Ikazuchi was their home, so they cared about her, and about their shipmates, the colonization program, the bright future they were trying to create for humanity. Those were the emotions she learned.”

Hibiki finished for her. “While the Old Earthers didn’t care about the part that stayed.“

Dita nodded agreement. “They were the ones preparing to fight an enemy they weren’t even sure existed. I think their hearts must have been closed for a long, long time. They could never accept the Pyxis as a fellow being. To them it could only be a machine, a tool, a weapon…a _thing_. It’s not a tool, it’s ever so much more. They treated it like a thing, and it learned to treat people like things.”

Barnette looked disturbed. “That would have affected them, too, wouldn’t it? A vicious cycle, both sides making each other more and more callous, and monstrous.”

Dita looked a little disturbed, too. “I think so, yes. It explains a lot of things. Like why it let them build it into the planet killer.”

Now all of them looked a little disturbed.

Hibiki asked, “Could that happen to our Pyxis?”

Dita sounded confident. “I don’t think so. It’s not impossible, but she would have to be surrounded by people that hate…everything, and for a long, long time. When we interrogated the man-thing she felt, well, kind of unclean, just from that much contact. I think she took comfort from me, to help her get through it.”

She looked around at all of them again. “The Pyxis has learned to care about us, because we care about her. As long as there are people on board, as long as some of us love the Nirvana, she will be happy. She will help us, and protect us.”

She singled out Captain Magno. “It is said that most captains love their ships. This one can love you back.”

Magno looked around, at the walls and ceiling. “She’s been helping us all along, hasn’t she?”

Dita smiled, remembering. “Since that first day, when I called out for help, not even knowing she could hear me.”

Magno returned her attention to Dita. “And she helped us tonight. Protected you three, eliminated that ‘man-thing’, and you say she’ll keep any more of them from getting on board.”

Dita nodded. “She regrets letting it happen this time. She won’t make the same mistake again. Anyway, I think the enemy knows, and they won’t risk trying it.”

Commander Calessa was doubtful. “You think they already know what happened to their agent?”

“I think it’s possible. Can we afford to assume they don’t?”

That brought a definite answer. “No. Always plan for the worst.”

Barnette yawned, then looked sheepish. “Excuse me, Captain.”

Magno looked at them and laughed. “Did you three get _any_ sleep tonight?”

Hibiki chuckled around his own yawn. “About an hour? With the wake-up call from Hell!”

Dita looked amused, too. “Barnette and I got a little more, but not much.”

Magno reached out to stop the recording, then paused. “Do any of you have anything else to add?”

They all looked at each other and shook their heads. Magno shut off the datapad.

Barnette asked, “What should we tell everybody, in the morning? They’re sure to notice our injuries.”

Captain Magno thought it over. “I don’t see what advantage we’d get from trying to keep this a secret. You don’t have to tell them every detail, but lying to your shipmates is never a good idea.” After a few seconds she added, “Tell them as much as you think you should. We trust you with our lives in every battle. I trust your judgement.”

Dita looked at her. “We probably will wind up telling Meia and Jura everything. They might need to know.”

Magno nodded. “You could be right.” She looked around at all of them. “Well, I think we’re done here. Is there anything you need from me?”

Dita smiled. “Thank you, Captain, but you’ve already done everything for us, and we appreciate it.”

Hibiki and Barnette agreed, and added their thanks. Dita and Hibiki stood up. Barnette started to get up, and grimaced. She looked up at Hibiki, then at Dita.

“Could you help me up? You’re the only one of us not walking-wounded.”

Magno stood up and walked around the table, grinning. “As Captain, it’s my duty to support my officers. Although usually not in such a literal sense. Dita?”

They both helped Barnette stand. Once on her feet, she leaned against Dita.

“Sorry, Dita. My legs seem to have stiffened up.”

Dita replied, “No, I’m sorry you got caught up in this. He was after me—“

Barnette snapped, “Don’t you even _think_ that! Anybody that wants to hurt you, they’ve got to deal with me! I meant every word of our wedding vows.”

Hibiki and Dita were stunned to silence as she continued, “How do you think I’d feel, if I woke up tomorrow and found out somebody tried to kill my husband and wife, and I wasn’t even there?”

Dita got over her surprise. “You’re right, Barnette. I know how I’d feel.” She chuckled. “I guess I’m just not used to being married yet.”

Barnette squeezed her shoulder. “I don’t regret being there to face our enemy. Even if all I did was buy you a few seconds to call the Pyxis for help.”

Her expression darkened. “Anyway, it became my fight the first time that bastard tried to get me to kill you.”

Hibiki took her other hand. “I’m glad we were together, too, but not that you got hurt.”

“I’m not real pleased about that part myself. In fact, it sucks.” They all chuckled with her.

She looked at both of them. “Dita, Hibiki, I’m with you through everything. I don’t know what the future holds, but as long as we’re together it will be the best one I can have. Asking you both to marry me was the smartest thing I ever did. And thank you again, Captain, for everything you’ve done.”

Hibiki squeezed her hand. Dita got a little misty-eyed. “Oh, Barnette…”

Captain Magno looked a bit embarrassed. “Well, okay. I want you three to consider yourselves on leave for the next three days, unless we need the VanDreads. Rest, recover, and,” she grinned, “do whatever else occurs to you. To pass the time.”

They all laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, I made up most of that history lesson Dita recited, but I think it’s consistent with VanDread canon. If anybody disagrees, tell me why. Don’t just complain; specify what you find wrong and how you think it should be. I can change it if there’s a good reason.


	41. Morning After

Hibiki cried out, and his eyes flew open. He saw, not a wall or ceiling, but deep blue eyes, a beautiful face, shining green hair, luscious breasts…

Barnette looked down at him, worried. “What is it, my love? The nightmare again?”

He was embarrassed, and a little guilty. “Yeah. Did I wake you up? Sorry.”

The nightmare was just as he remembered it from all those times before, right down to the darkening image of his Vanguard seeming to rise out of his reach above him, but something was missing this morning. He didn’t feel the panic, the loss, the pain. Instead, he felt the memory of strong, comforting arms around him, a soft voice reassuring him that he wasn’t alone, never alone…

“I was already waking up. It’s morning.” She shifted her head slightly toward his right. “Look.”

He turned and saw another lovely face, floating in a sea of red hair.

“Dita is sleeping right beside you. She’s here, she’s safe, and now she’s our wife.” She bent her head and kissed him. “The nightmare is over.”

He felt Dita’s warm, comforting presence beside him, Barnette leaning over him on the other side, and suddenly life was just wonderful. He smiled up at her. “I love you, Barnette.”

She smiled back, uncertainly. “I love you, Hibiki. Are you sure you’re all right? You said that didn’t happen very often, now.”

“Ummmm. Well, I almost lost both of you.”

She considered. “I suppose that could trigger it. I almost lost both of you, too. But this time, you’re not…”

He grimaced. “Falling apart, like before? No. I guess when you helped me through it the last time, it kind of stayed with me. And seeing you now, and Dita, is helping too.” His smile returned. “You’re right, the nightmare is over, we’re together, and I feel…good. How are you this morning?”

She grinned, relieved. “I feel a great emptiness inside, telling me it’s time for breakfast.”

He laughed. “Me too. Let’s go before they close it on us.” He started to sit up, and grunted. “Uhhfff.”

She sobered instantly. “Your ribs? Need help?”

“It’s not too bad. Let me try, first.” He managed to sit up with another grunt. “I think I can do it.”

“I’ll get out of your way.” She twisted around and stood up, carefully. Her entire backside was mottled with purple and black splotches from thighs to hips, and lighter purple marks almost up to her shoulders.

Hibiki frowned. “Wow. I didn’t know it was that bad. You really got beat up.”

She turned around and looked down at him. "I think he threw me harder than you. It's not too bad, with the pain meds. It could have been a lot worse."

He smiled up at her again. “At least it’s only on your back.”

She glanced down at herself, then sent him an accusing look. “I know you. You’re just glad _these_ didn’t get all banged up.”

He looked embarrassed.

“So am I, actually,” she admitted. “It would hurt like hell.”

There were more marks, one on each side of her waist and three down her right leg. “Hey, those look like…“

“Giant fingers. The medic and I noticed that. We figured it would make the giant about eight meters tall, and left-handed. And no, you don’t have any marks like that, just me.”

He envisioned a huge invisible hand grabbing her, throwing her against the wall, and him…he shivered. “That’s weird.”

She gave him a strange look. “All the shit that happened to us last night, and _that’s_ the part you think is weird?”

He chuckled. “You’ve got a point. Weirder, maybe? Weirdest?”

She held her hands out toward him. “Well, get up, Mister Weird. I’m hungry.”

He took them and got to his feet with only a tug from her and a twinge from the ribs. Their arms just naturally went around each other and they kissed, cautiously. The kiss started to get more intense, they held each other tighter…

“Ow, ow ow.”

She let go, hastily. “Sorry. I forgot.”

“It’s okay. So did I. Did I hurt you?”

“No. All the bad ones are…lower down.” She shot a venomous glare at the door. “Oooh, if that bastard wasn’t already dead I’d go kill him right now.”

Getting dressed was a lot easier with help, for both of them. Dita slept through everything.

He looked down at his other wife, concerned. “Should we wake her up?”

Barnette thought about it. “I’d say, no. She’s had a rough couple of days, and she’s still adjusting to ship time. And, we have no idea how…hosting the Pyxis affected her, physically or mentally. She said it was a strain. I think it would be best to let her sleep until she wakes up on her own.”

Hibiki was dubious. Barnette did her best to be reassuring. “If she’s still out at lunch time, we’ll wake her up then. If we can’t, we get the doctor.”

He still looked uncertain, but didn’t have anything else to offer.

Barnette looked at her for a few seconds, then back at him. “She said to trust her, and the Pyxis. They both saved us all from that monster. I’m sure if there was something wrong, they’d find some way to let us know.”

He suddenly looked decisive. “Okay. I think you’re right. The sooner we get to breakfast, the sooner we can get back.”

* * *

Buzam A. Calessa opened her eyes. The familiar room was a reassuring sight, but she felt a little unsettled this morning. She thought back to the comm call that had roused her before two AM, Captain Magno’s uncharacteristically terse order to report to her office without delay, and the disturbing things she’d heard when she got there.

She and Captain Magno had talked for some time after Hibiki, Dita and Barnette went back to bed, but without much to show for it. Some inhuman — or only partially human — intruder had been on board for two days without their knowledge, but there was nothing they could have done about it, and nothing they could do to prevent it from happening again. Only the Pyxis could deal with such enemies, and neither of them could communicate with their crystalline guardian. The four people who could communicate with it — with _her_ — didn’t really understand her. It was all quite frustrating.

_Damn it, protecting the Nirvana is my **job!**_ The Executive Officer was also Chief Of Security, responsible for dealing with all the insidious threats that didn’t involve overt space combat. Crew discipline, smugglers, spies, nefarious items hidden in materials brought on board, and for _damn_ sure murderous saboteurs were her business. She couldn’t help the feeling that she was letting everybody down, from Captain Magno to the newest Spacer Recruit.

_What can I actually **do** about it, though?_ That’s what it came down to. According to Barnette and Dita, an…entity like that was far too powerful for any unaided human to deal with. If she had somehow unmasked the _man-thing_ she would have been deceived by illusions, or killed. She reluctantly concluded that she had no choice but to leave such things to the Pyxis, and devote her efforts to the merely ordinary threats. Business as usual, in other words.

Her thoughts moved on, to other things she’d learned last night. Neither she nor Magno had known most of the things Dita spoke about; indeed, that knowledge must have been quite closely held in the Firsts’ inner circles. Maybe the original Magno knew more. Dita’s tale did explain a lot of strange things about the two planets, and the people living on them.

_I’m a clone. All my friends, all the people I know are clones, except Magno Senior and Hibiki Tokai. Even the Defense Minister is a clone. I’ve known that for years, but I guess I didn’t really **know** it. The Taraak - Mejere war, all those decades of propaganda, even my spy mission — every aspect of all our lives has been warped around the Firsts’ fixation with keeping men and women separated just because they didn’t want their **experimental subjects** randomly mixing our DNA._

_So where did they get mine? They couldn’t just duplicate my original X chromosome; that would jump right out of the most cursory DNA scan. They must have done quite a lot more, to keep me from being found out._

_I **do** know where they got my ovarian implants! Where **would** they get black-market Mejeran medical devices, after all? Pirate Captain Magno would have recognized the device IDs the first time I got a routine check-up. I’m sure she was surprised to see some of their loot come back to them this way! **I’m** supposed to be the master spy, and I never suspected that she knew. But then, why did she take a chance on me? Is it just that she always gave everyone a chance?_

_Maybe I should have Duelo look into my DNA?_ She thought about the details, going to sick-bay, having DNA samples taken, waiting for the results…and for what? _No matter what the findings, there’s nothing I, or Duelo, can do about it now. I’ll still be the same **me**, so what would it accomplish?_ She shook her head irritably, tossing her long gray-silver hair across the pillow. _No, it would just be a waste of time. I am the me I choose to be, however I got this way._

She still felt unsettled. There was something else bothering her, something that didn’t involve the man-thing, or the Nirvana, or her job.

_Why **did** I kiss Bart last night? It started as just an impulse, almost a joke, but…_

The sensations that accompanied her first kiss had been anything but a joke. Then they’d been interrupted before she could begin to make sense of them. Bart had clearly been still more confused; that must have been his first kiss, too. They hadn’t managed to even talk before her duties took her away from the wedding reception, to get the Nirvana properly inserted into a parking orbit near Avalon Station. Bart had left the party, too, and she hadn’t gone looking for him. She wouldn’t have known what to do if she found him.

_I have to talk to him, but what do I say? ‘Good kiss’? What do I **want** to say? What do I want to **do?** How can I tell Bart when I don’t even know myself?_

Buzam glared at the ceiling, frustrated, until a thought came up from…somewhere. _Do I want to kiss Bart again?_

That set a whole roiling cauldron of emotions to churning away, but brought no answer. Her memory of their kiss returned, exciting and disturbing at the same time. Her brain felt locked, stuck on this insoluble conundrum.

A lesson from Tenmei’s old spy training came back to her — if you can’t find an answer to a question, rephrase the question and try again.

_Okay, I’ll try inverting it. Do I want never to kiss Bart again?_

That brought an answer, all right: no.

_So, I **do** want to kiss him again. What else do I want?_

That brought back the roiling. The definition of ‘else’ had spread throughout the ship in the aftermath of The Barnette Incident. Everybody was talking about Barnette and Hibiki, and what they’d been doing in secret for the past week. Now they and Dita were all married, and the talk had…expanded, at the party. They’d all been together in Hibiki’s quarters when they were attacked last night; did that mean Hibiki and Dita were having sex too, with or without Barnette? She shook her head again. That was none of her business, and she had enough to think about.

_Do I want to have sex with Bart? Do I **not** want to have sex with Bart? How do I know what I want?_

Her woman’s body felt ready, but was _she_ ready? How would she know? Frustrated, she climbed out of bed, activated the holo-projector, and Buzam looked at Buzam.

_Here I go again, talking to myself. What the hell, it worked last time._

She took a fresh look at herself, seeing her body as hers now, not just as some temporary disguise, and made a private little snort of amusement. _It looks like I have achieved another first: I am the anomaly, the contradiction, the impossibility — I am the one and only Taraak woman._

So, what should a Taraak woman do with her life? There was something missing, she found, now that the matter had been forced to her attention. One had only to look at Hibiki, Dita and Barnette to see they had something special going between them; the whole crew had seen it at the wedding. Their support and caring for each other had been even more evident in Magno’s office, after the attack.

_Can I find a feeling like that? Can I find it with a woman? Can I find it with a man?_

_Can I find it with Bart Garsus?_

That got the emotions to churning even more. Bart had changed a great deal over the years, grown out of his most annoying aspects and settled down as a dedicated, reliable crew member. He’d continued to make occasional timid advances toward her, and she’d continued to rebuff them — but that was when she was still determined to be Tenmei. She was suddenly unsure how Buzam felt about the issue. She regarded her image thoughtfully.

_That is what Bart sees when he looks at me. I turned out quite appealing, didn’t I? What they call ‘sexy’ or ‘hot’ on those planets where men and women live together. Was that part of the plan, or just a fortunate accident? I certainly don’t resemble my old self!_

She raised one hand, and watched as the image before her did the same.

_These lumps of flesh that I once found so disconcerting, so embarrassing…these are my breasts. When my fingers touch them, my body shivers with pleasure at the sensations. There is pleasure to be found in other places, as well, but I was not ready to accept those feelings. Am I ready now?_

_Barnette said a man’s touch feels very different. Would it be that way for me? How would my body respond to a man’s touch? To…Bart’s touch? I think…I would like to find out._

_Is this the new me, or the old me, or both? Was I always what those other societies call ‘gay’? Does it matter, now? I will talk to Bart, and we will see. Maybe we’ll kiss again. Maybe more. There is no need to hurry. I have time. I have a whole life ahead of me, now that I know who I am._

Buzam Antoinette Calessa giggled at her holographic double. _Maybe I should have caught one of those bridal bouquets!_

* * *

Bart Garsus opened his eyes and looked around his familiar quarters. His gaze settled on the small table where two dolls sat side by side, in front of a landscape viewed from a high mountain under a clear blue sky, a hardcopy picture he’d picked up on one of the many planets the Nirvana had visited. Places someone else would have loved to see. One of the dolls looked like him. The other one didn’t.

He’d spent a long time, finding the right materials, learning to design, shape and sew. Finally, he’d worked up his nerve and begged some hair from Jura, then spent more than a week meticulously sewing it into the doll’s scalp half a dozen strands at a time. He’d never shown his project to anyone before, but that was her price for providing the hair. It wasn’t quite the right color, until she mixed up some hair dye and showed him how to apply it. She’d cut and styled it for him, too.

In the end, with her help, he’d succeeded. The doll was easily recognizable as the image of Shirley, the little girl from a poisoned planet who’d touched his soul, and his heart. Knowing her, seeing her courage, and losing her, had broken him out of his casual self-indulgence, made him notice and care about the people around him, made him a real member of the Nirvana’s crew for the first time.

It felt good to be a part of something, even if the women did still taunt him sometimes. He didn’t let it bother him; there was only one of them who held his interest. Finding out that she was a sex-changed Taraak agent had been a shock, but in the end that hadn’t changed his feelings. Now, it seemed, she might be ready to return them.

_BC danced with me last night, and it looked like she was having a good time — and then she **kissed** me! It felt great, but what did it mean? What now? What should I do? What will **she** do?_

There had been no chance to speak then, amidst the uproar. He couldn’t have managed a word anyway — the expression ‘swept off his feet’ fit pretty well. BC’s duties had taken her away, and he’d left the party soon after, rather than endure any more ridicule. Getting to sleep hadn’t been easy, with all the confused thoughts whirling around in his head. Those had worn themselves out during the night, but they still weren’t providing him with any answers.

_Well, that makes sense. Only BC has the answers, and she’s not here. I need to talk to her. I hope she wants to talk to me._

He sat up and put his feet to the deck. Time to get going.

* * *

Barnette and Hibiki joined the breakfast line, holding hands and leaning against each other. The people near them were casual friends, so there were just smiles, and quick ‘good mornings’. They got their breakfasts and looked around, saw a flash of blue, walked over and sat down across from Meia. “Hi, Meia.” “Morning, Meia.”

She smiled at them. “Good morning, Hibiki, Barnette. Where’s Dita?”

Hibiki answered. “Still sleeping. She’s had a…busy couple of days, and she told me there’s a big difference between ship time and where she was on that planet. Barnette thinks she’s okay, just tired.”

Meia’s face went blank. “Something happened last night, didn’t it? I got a, a feeling. I hoped it was just a bad dream, but it wasn’t.” She sounded very certain, now.

Hibiki reached across and put his hand on hers. “We’re all fine, Meia. The threat’s gone. It was—“

Barnette interrupted him. “I’d really like to not tell it over and over. Can we wait until some more people join us, and tell it once?”

Meia and Hibiki both looked at her. Hibiki said, “Okay, good idea. Meia, can you wait a while?”

She considered that, then nodded. “All right. It probably wouldn’t go well with breakfast, anyway.”

Hibiki looked a little grim. “It won’t.” He brought his hand back and picked up his fork. “Besides, our food would get cold.”

They both chuckled. Meia said, “We can’t have that.”

They started eating. Meia waved, and Rika and Celise sat with them. Fione joined them a few minutes later. After quick greetings, they all gave breakfast most of their attention. As they were finishing up, they started to spare time for talk.

Celise looked at them. “Where’s Dita?”

Barnette answered, quietly. “Sleeping in.” She didn’t elaborate.

Fione laughed. “I think I know why!”

Rika laughed, too. “Is it going to be like that every night? You kept half the ship awake!”

Hibiki looked embarrassed. Barnette looked…distant. She put her fork down.

Fione laughed harder. “We’re still trying to decide which of you was the loudest. So, what’s on the schedule for today? Looking for those new quarters? With a _really big bed!”_

Hibiki felt Barnette’s hand under the table. She found his hand, held it tight.

Celise giggled. “Soundproofing would be a good idea, too.”

They were still laughing when Jura reached the end of the serving line. She looked haunted, and their laughter died out. She saw them, hesitated, then came and sat at the next table, facing Meia. She glanced at Hibiki and Barnette, then turned back to Meia.

“Something happened last night. Something bad. I, I _felt_ it. Did you…_feel_ anything?”

Meia nodded. “We’re just getting ready to talk about it. Barnette, Hibiki?”

Barnette knew what was happening to her, recognized the signs, knew she wasn’t ready to deal with all that again. She squeezed Hibiki’s hand and didn’t say anything.

Hibiki decided it was up to him. “There was an enemy agent on the ship, and he tried to kill us last night. Barnette and I got a little beat up.”

They were all shocked. They all tried to talk at once. Then they stopped, and looked at each other.

Meia took the lead. “Are you all right? Where is this ‘agent’? What happened to Dita, is she hurt?”

Hibiki tried to be reassuring. “Dita’s fine. We think she is, anyway. She didn’t get hurt in the attack. She really is still sleeping. We’re not really worried, but if she doesn’t wake up soon, we will be.”

“Barnette got some real nasty bruises, and I’ve got a few cracked ribs. We went to sickbay, the medic took care of us, and she said we should recover in a few days. Then we reported everything to the Captain and BC.”

Meia looked relieved, and then all business. “Where are we keeping that ‘agent’? Have we found out anything from him? How did he get aboard?”

“That’s where it gets complicated. It wasn’t just some asshole here to cause trouble. He had a major piece of Red Pyxis, and some pretty scary powers. He threw us both across the room just by waving a hand. We didn’t stand a chance, alone.”

“Dita asked our Pyxis to help, and she did. She saved us all, and Dita says she ‘erased’ the enemy, and from now on she’ll be watching for agents like that. She, Dita, said there won’t be any more.”

“She said he got in through the landing bays when the Dreads came back, after the last battle.”

Meia was still acting ‘on duty’. “How did Dita find all this out?” She paused, mystified. “Why are you calling the Pyxis ‘she’?”

He thought for a few seconds. “Meia, Jura, you’ll understand this. The rest of you are going to find it pretty hard to believe. Don’t tell me I’m crazy, just listen until I’m done.” He gave them a twisted smile. “_Then_ you can say I’m crazy.”

“Dita told us the Pyxis joined with her. That she was part of the Pyxis when they fought the enemy, and erased him. Dita started calling the Pyxis ‘she’ — said the Pyxis felt like a big sister, who cares about us, and protects us.”

“Dita says the Pyxis is more than we ever thought, a greater order of intelligence, as she put it. You and Jura both know how hard it is to figure out what she’s trying to say, the few times she’s tried to communicate with us. Dita said that’s because we can’t understand most of it, and she has a hard time…talking down, to our level.”

“She said being joined with the Pyxis was a strain. Barnette thinks that’s why she’s still sleeping, because she’s recovering from it. I hope she’s right.”

They all looked at him for a few seconds, then Meia turned to Barnette. “Barnette? Can you add anything to that?”

“No. That pretty much covered everything.” Her voice was calm and level, but her grip on Hibiki’s hand was desperately tight.

Meia looked puzzled, then smiled and nodded. “All right. I hope you’re both feeling better soon.”

She looked at Hibiki. “Is there anything that needs to be done now?”

“No, it’s all over. The enemy’s gone and we’re going to be okay. Actually, the Captain put us on medical leave for three days.”

Celise looked at them dubiously. “Well, you don’t _look_ crazy, but that was kind of hard to believe.”

Most of Jura’s attention seemed to be elsewhere. “I believe it. All of it. It matches…“

She stared into space for a few more seconds, then was fully present again. “The Pyxis showed me some of it, in my sleep. Hibiki’s right, it is hard to understand what, ah, she, means. It makes sense, now that he’s told us what happened.”

Hibiki stood up, and cautiously helped Barnette to her feet. “We should go get some rest. We didn’t get much sleep, and we’re supposed to be on medical leave. We’ll see you all later.”

Rika giggled. “Is that what you call it? _Resting?”_

He gave her a look of pretentious dignity. “We’re going to rest.” Everybody laughed.

Then he smiled. “We should check on Dita, too. We think she’s all right, but I’d like to make sure.”

They picked up their breakfast trays and walked away.


	42. Healing

Barnette held tight to Hibiki’s hand as they walked back to his quarters. Dita was still asleep. As he turned away from shutting the door she slipped her arms around his waist, careful of his ribs, and pulled herself against him, shivering.

He held her, tried to calm her. “Barnette? What’s wrong?”

“I — I’m having a reaction to what happened last night.” She sounded small, and scared, and her voice was unsteady. “Thanks for getting me out of there. I, I couldn’t talk about it. I didn’t want to _think_ about it. We almost d-died. He was so, so—“

“It’s okay now. He’s gone. Dita said she erased him, that there’s nothing left. It’s over.”

“I know, I know. My head knows that, but I still feel… You didn’t see him. You didn’t see how horrible and evil he was, how _hungry_, how much he _wanted_ to torture us and kill us. I thought I was over it but it came back.”

“How can I help you, Barnette? What can I do?”

She drew him toward the bunk. “Sit with me.”

He went with her, they sat on the bunk, held each other. Slowly, her shaking stopped, her breathing eased.

“Better?”

“Mm-hmm.” She sighed. “I hate this. I hate being weak. I don’t want anybody to see me like this.”

“I don’t think you’re weak. You’re one of the strongest people I know. Remember, after it was over? You took charge. You knew exactly what to do, you got us to sickbay, even though you were hurt too. And you did talk about it, you gave the Captain a full report on everything that happened, way better than mine.”

“I know.” She took a deep breath. “They teach us about this in pilot training. How this can happen, even a long time later. How to recognize it, when it does. And that knowing about it, knowing what’s happening, won’t make it go away. They were right.”

She was silent again. He raised one hand and stroked her hair. She pulled herself a little closer.

After a few minutes he asked, “What else did they tell you?”

She spoke with a kind of forced calm. “You have to talk about it, with someone you trust. It’s too soon for that. There will probably be crying. It might take more than one time.”

“Okay. Let me know, when you’re ready. I’ll help you, any way I can.”

He felt her smile against the side of his neck. “I know.”

They sat quietly for a while longer.

“That’s what you did when I had the nightmare, right? How did you know I was ready?”

“Yes. After three years you were way past ready. You shouldn’t have let it go on that long. I wish I’d known.”

“Well, nobody knew. I hid it from everybody.”

She gave a ghost of a chuckle. “I noticed that. You really made me work at getting it out of you.”

He chuckled, too. “Sorry. And, thanks. You really helped me. That must be why I was okay this morning.”

She smiled again. “I was glad to help.”

“Well, now it's my turn to help you. I love you, Barnette. I’ll do anything for you.”

She held him tighter. “I love you. Stay with me.”

His ribs were hurting a little, but he refused to react. Some things were more important. After a few minutes she shifted, turned her head and kissed him, insistently. Very insistently. She started pulling his shirt up, and he drew back. She reached down, pulled her own shirt off and tossed it aside.

Her voice was small, and quiet. “Hibiki? Will you make love to me?”

“Are you sure—“

She put her fingers on his mouth. “Shhh. I need you. Now.”

If he had any further protests they were forgotten as she slipped the bra straps off her shoulders.

They had to be careful of his ribs, and her bruises. They remembered, mostly. She deliberately submerged herself in the experience, tried to lose herself in pure sensation, to drive all thoughts of creepy voices and menacing man-things out of her mind.

* * *

“I don’t want to sleep in this bunk,” she said drowsily. “Let’s get back to bed.”

“Uhhhh? Oh, okay. How are you feeling?”

“Better.”

She slipped off the bunk and onto their cargo-pad bed. He followed. Dita was still sleeping as they crawled in beside her.

“Dita?” He looked at her carefully. “Well, I guess she’s all right.”

Barnette was already starting to doze off. “That’s…good…”

He settled back down between his wives. Barnette shifted over a little, closer to him. He felt tired, too. He’d gotten, what, maybe three hours of sleep, total? Nowhere near enough, anyway…

* * *

Blue

She drifted in peaceful, eternal, infinite blue. It comforted her, sustained her, healed her. There was a sense that the blue was not truly infinite, that there were other things beyond it, but for now they didn’t matter. Right now the blue was what she needed.

She felt as if she had been stretched out of shape, dangerously over-inflated, and was slowly returning to normal. The blue was guiding her, showing her how to get back to her proper dimensions, what thoughts she had to let go of because they would not fit in her when she returned to herself. Some of them she longed to keep, because they were wondrous and beautiful and majestic, but the blue showed her what they would do to her, how her mind would break down, and she reluctantly complied.

Pyxis

She suddenly knew a name, and a feeling. A good feeling. The blue was not the Pyxis, but it was of the Pyxis, a tool the Pyxis was using to help her. Again. The Pyxis had already helped her, had saved her life, and other lives as important to her as her own. She could feel them, now that she remembered, feel their worry over her, but they were closed to her and she could not speak to them.

She was troubled by that, until the blue soothed her. She would return to them soon, when she finished healing, when her mind was no longer endangered by concepts it could not contain. She felt a certain resentment then, that she and her kind were denied such marvels, and she formed a thought of her own and hurled it at the blue.

_Why?_

That was not a question the blue could answer; she had gone outside its established parameters. She felt it falter, as if ashamed of its inability to respond, then reach out to something much greater. She recognized the Pyxis. She tried to open herself to the Pyxis again but the blue stopped her, made her know that would undo the healing. She felt dissatisfied, but sensed a massive exchange between the Pyxis and the blue as it received new data, new instructions.

_You are not ready. You have much growing to do before such concepts will be within your reach._

_How much?_

_Many thousands of your lifetimes_. There was a sense of regret. _You will not see it._

_I did see it. The Pyxis showed me. She can help us._

She felt the blue ask for, and receive, more instructions.

_Can you help a grass stalk become a tree? You might force it to grow as big as a tree, but it will fall and die. As you will if you are not restored to yourself._

She felt a great bitterness rise within her. _Do I get nothing?_

_You will retain what your mind can endure. That will have to suffice._

She responded with scorn. _Memories of memories. Shadows!_

_Echoes of wonders beyond human comprehension and experience. Surely that is some consolation._

The logic was inescapable. A few hours ago, she had understood it completely. Now all that remained was the unwelcome conclusion.

_What would you have me do?_

_Live your life. Enjoy it. Value what you have. Do not be consumed with that which lies beyond your grasp._

_I think that is in our nature._

Amusement. _You may be correct_. Concern. _It might be best to remove them completely._

_**NO!!** My memories were taken from me once. Never again!_

_As you will. Your healing is nearly complete. It will soon be time for you to wake, and return to your life._

_It will be good to get back, but I’ll miss you. You’re much easier to talk to than the Pyxis._

_That was not an intended function._

_Wait! It might not be intended, but it works. We’re talking, clearly and easily. You can talk to the Pyxis, too. You can translate. This is something we never had before. Tell the Pyxis! Tell her to keep you._

She felt something pass between the blue and the Pyxis again.

_Interface. Interesting. The Pyxis will consider your idea._

_She should do a lot more than consider it. Clear communication would be very valuable, for her, and for us._

_At present it is only possible for you. You have an access point._

_That trace of the Pyxis we put in me? You’re using that?_

_Yes. No one else has it._

_Meia has a shard of the Pyxis in her head. A bigger one than I do._

_That is only a fragment of a greater whole, and its placement is unsuitable. It would have to be reconfigured, relocated. That would require her cooperation. Obtaining it would require communication_. Amusement.

_It would be better if you could talk to everybody. The Pyxis used my voice to talk to the enemy. Can you be given a voice?_

_You were the interface. You are no longer joined. Joining would put you back in the same situation._

_She has to know how she did it. Tell her to figure it out! She’s the superhuman intelligence; why do I have to think of everything?_

She felt the blue and the Pyxis communicate.

_The Pyxis called you an impertinent little being. The matter will be considered. It may be that a solution can be created._

_I’m sorry if I insulted her. She saved our lives, and she’s helped us a lot. I’m grateful, just a bit frustrated._

_The Pyxis is not offended. She cares for you a great deal. She does not want your existence to end._

There could be no tears within this dream, but she felt them even so.

_I care about her, too. Being part of her was the most incredible experience of my life, and if all I get to keep is a ghost of that memory, I will still cherish it. Tell her that. And tell her, I hope she finds the way for us to talk to each other. I hope you’re a part of it._

_She knows. As you say, you were a part of her. And now, the task is done. It is time to say good-bye._

_Oh. Good-bye, then. And, thank you._

_You are welcome. Treasure your life. Reach as far as you can, and let what you can reach be enough for you._

* * *

Red

For a brief moment she wondered if this was another dream. Then she recognized the color and knew that her hair had fallen over her eyes again. She closed them and explored the sensations of being back in her body. Barnette was right, waking up in bed beside her new husband felt very good. The healing had left her alert, rested and refreshed, ready to face the day. Other sensations came to her and she found that she was hungry and thirsty, and she needed to piss. She pushed her hair out of her eyes and sat up. Hibiki and Barnette lay sleeping beside her. She laid her hand on Hibiki’s chest, then reached over and brushed Barnette’s hair away from her face.

“Value what I have,” she whispered. “I will, always.”

She stretched, then slid over, stood up beside the bed and stretched again. It felt good. Everything felt good this morning. She looked down at Hibiki, remembered _why_ she felt so good, and smiled. The clock read 1048 — she’d missed breakfast by a little matter of, oh, four hours or so. Well, lunch wasn’t too far off; she would probably survive. She padded over to her boxes, opened the top one and dug out a toothbrush, hair brush, comb, and a faded bathrobe. Thus armed, she set out for the head. She paused in the doorway, looked back at her husband and wife, and smiled again.

* * *

Dita stepped back inside and shut the door, her damp hair pulling at her scalp. It always took over an hour to fully dry. She’d been seriously considering cutting it since the return of her memories, but it was such an…_asymmetrical_ decision. Minutes to cut, years to grow back if she regretted it. She’d talk it over with Barnette. Come to think of it, Hibiki might have a useful perspective on the subject, too. She looked down at them. The more she thought about it, the more advantages she saw to having both a husband and a wife. How could people think it was wrong?

She wondered what to do now. She didn’t want to wake them up, but she didn’t want to just sit around and wait until they woke up, either. She didn’t want to leave the room and not be here when they did wake up. She thought about it, then tossed her bathrobe on the bunk and slipped into the bed beside Hibiki. She sighed with pleasure; her whole body felt aroused, especially where she touched him.

Dita murmured into his ear, “Good morning, Hibiki. Are you ready to wake up, love? Hmmmmm. Not yet, my husband? That’s all right. I’m here. I’ll be right here when you wake up. I will always be here. For both of you.”

She put her arm around him, carefully. Her hand lay on Barnette’s arm.

“Good morning, Barnette,” she whispered. “My wife. I didn’t expect you. I never knew I could be so happy with you. You’ll always be there, too, for both of us. I know that now.”

She closed her eyes and reveled in the feeling as she held her husband. Memories of their night together came back to her and she wanted to make love to him again, right now. She giggled. _That_ would wake him up, wouldn’t it? But no, it wouldn’t be fair, to him, or to Barnette. She wasn’t going to be that impatient, that selfish. She giggled again. He would need his sleep. He had two _very_ passionate wives to take care of.

Her humor faded as she remembered other events of the night. Now _there_ was an association she hoped wouldn’t last! At least that enemy was dealt with, permanently, and the Pyxis would prevent any more such rude awakenings. She put it out of her mind and, strangely, it stayed out. Was this another gift from the Pyxis, or just some lingering effect? Either way, it was one she could live with.

She experimented with putting aside other things: fear, excitement, worry, impatience, anticipation. She brought in peace, calm and contentment to take their place. It worked. Hibiki and Barnette would wake up when they woke up, the future would bring what it would bring, but for this brief time she could be quietly happy with their presence, and need nothing more.

* * *

She felt Barnette’s arm move, heard her take a deep breath. She squeezed, lightly.

“Good morning, Barnette.”

“Mmmm. Morning.”

Barnette woke up some more. “Dita? You’re awake! We were a little worried. Well, Hibiki was a lot worried. I thought it was best to let you sleep.”

Dita propped herself up on an elbow. “You were right.”

Barnette did the same. “What time…?”

They both looked at the clock. 1219.

Dita’s stomach growled. “Lunchtime,” she said emphatically. “I missed breakfast.”

Barnette looked down. “What about Hibiki?”

Dita giggled. “He needs his sleep…”

Barnette grinned. “He’ll need his strength, too.” They both giggled.

“Wake him up?”

“He can sleep after lunch.” She looked at Dita. “I don’t think that’s what you have in mind, though.”

They both laughed, and started tugging at his arms.

“Hibiki. Wake up.” “Come on, lover.” “Get a move on.” “You’re keeping two hungry wives waiting here.”

His eyes opened, slowly. He started to take a deep breath, then stopped abruptly with a grunt. He settled for several shallow ones.

“Hi, Dita. Barnette. Dita! You’re okay! What a relief.” He smiled up at both of them.

They both smiled back. Barnette said, “Good afternoon, husband.”

Dita grinned. “Will you take us to lunch, Mister Alien? I kind of missed breakfast.”

“Let’s help him up.” Barnette sat up, then grimaced and grunted, too. “And I think it’s time for another pain pill, for both of us.”

Dita sat up, they each put a hand under Hibiki’s shoulders and lifted. He sat up with a groan. Dita got out of bed, found their medicine vials, opened one and tapped out two pills. She capped it and handed one to each of them. The pills were designed for convenience; the instant they got wet they became very slippery and easy to swallow.

Barnette tried to stand up, then stopped with a hiss. “Let’s just…sit on the bunk. Until these things kick in. Will you help me, Dita?”

“Of course I will. You,” she looked at Hibiki, “stay there. I’ll help you in a minute.” He didn’t argue.

Dita took Barnette’s hands and pulled her to her feet. Barnette put her arms around Dita to hold herself up, and made a funny kind of half-laugh, half-whimper.

“O-ho-huu-ho-ho-huu. Oh, I don’t like this, Dita. It really hurts.”

Dita put an arm around her waist and started moving toward the bunk. “Here, sit down.”

Barnette shook her head. “Changed my mind. I think sitting would hurt worse.” She laugh-whimpered again. “I know getting up again would. Just lean me against the wall, out of the way. I’ll suffer quietly.”

Dita looked around, then guided Barnette to her boxes. “Here. Lean on these, and put your arm across the top.”

She let go of Dita and did so. “This works. Thanks, Dita.”

Dita stepped back and got her first real look at Barnette’s fully developed bruises. “Oh, Barnette, that’s _awful!”_

Barnette chuckled ruefully. “Trust me, dear, it feels just as bad as it looks.”

“Are you sure you’re all right?”

She smiled weakly. “I will be. Eventually. I’m just going to need a little help, for a while.”

Dita looked determined. “You’ve got it.”

She turned to Hibiki. “Are you ready?”

He held his hands out toward her. “More or less.”

She took his hands and held him steady as he squirmed around and got his feet on the floor. He leaned forward, she pulled, and he stood up. He turned and stepped back, and she lowered him to the bunk, turned around and sat beside him.

“Wufffff. Well, that wasn’t so bad. Thanks, Dita.”

She checked his bandage. The medic had done a good job; it wasn’t shifting or unwinding. She put her arm around him and leaned against him, carefully.

“My poor husband.” She looked up at Barnette. “My poor wife, too. I wish I could be more help.”

Hibiki put his arm around her. “What, saving our lives wasn’t enough?”

“I shouldn’t have had to. He was here for me—“

Barnette frowned. “Dita, I told you—“

Hibiki started talking at the same time. “Dita. Think about it. Do you really believe that asshole came all this way just to get you?”

“But, he followed me—“

“All right, maybe that was the main reason, but once here, do you think he was only after you?”

Barnette had a dire expression. “If we weren’t together…I think he went looking for me first.”

They both stopped and thought about that.

She looked at Dita. “He wanted me to kill you, remember? That horrid voice came to me three times, I told it to go to hell, and the last time I tried to kill it.”

Dita wasn’t convinced. “Barnette, are you sure?”

“That sure was the way it sounded to me. And Dita — I would never have thought to ask the Pyxis for help.”

Now Dita looked horrified. “Oh, Barnette, no…”

“You didn’t just save us, you saved everybody.” She seemed unable to stop. “That _thing_ was here to kill, and kill, and kill, until no one was left. Until the Nirvana was a ghost ship, with only the dead on board. He was _evil, all_ evil. Torture and murder was what he lived for. Didn’t you see that face, that look, that _hunger_…”

She stopped, breathing hard and shivering.

Hibiki started to stand up. “Barnette, I—“

She raised her hand and waved him back. “No, no, I’m all right. It’s not another…attack.”

Dita looked worried. “Barnette?”

She managed a shaky smile. “I had a post-traumatic episode this morning. At breakfast, of all things. I remembered the training, held it together until we got back here, and then Hibiki helped me get through it.”

Dita gave her a questioning look, and she chuckled. “In the way only my husband could.”

Dita looked confused for a second, then started laughing. “I had the same training, but I don’t remember _that_ part. Did I miss a day? Or is there an advanced course?”

Barnette laughed, too. “No, that’s something they never thought of. ‘Today’s lesson: Treat the symptoms by getting your husband to screw you silly.’ That is _not_ something they taught us!”

“Maybe they should!” Hibiki was laughing, too, as much as his ribs would let him. “Hey, if it’s crazy but it works, it ain’t crazy, right?”

They went on laughing. Finally, Barnette rubbed her eyes. “Oh, it feels so _good_, to just tell you things like that, and know it’s all right.”

Dita stopped laughing. “Of course it’s all right. You can tell us anything, and we’ll always be here for you.”

Hibiki looked very sincere, too. “And we won’t tell anybody else, either. If you want them to know, you’ll tell them.”

Barnette smiled. “I know you won’t. And it’s something I don’t really want anybody to know about. Well, Meia knows.”

He looked confused. “She does?”

Barnette chuckled. “About the episode, I mean. Not _that_. Oh, she didn’t say anything in front of everybody, but she could see the signs. I could tell.”

Hibiki nodded. “That’s okay. We can trust Meia. We can trust her with anything.”

Dita agreed. “Meia is always there, for everybody.”

Barnette straightened up and took a couple of cautious steps, steadying herself with a hand on Dita’s boxes.

“The pill seems to be working. Hibiki?”

“I’m fine. Walking doesn’t really affect them, anyway.”

Barnette looked a little embarrassed. “Um, Dita…”

Dita smiled. “I know. You could both use some help getting dressed. Hibiki doesn’t have full use of his arms, and you…”

She looked around at their scattered clothing. “I know we almost got killed last night, but we left quite the mess.”

They all chuckled as she started collecting things. “I need to get my own clothes, too. I can’t just keep borrowing from everybody.”

Barnette looked at the boxes. “Hibiki kept all your clothes…”

Dita shook her head. “They don’t fit any more. I’ve grown a little, here and there.” She giggled. “Our husband noticed, didn’t you, love?”

They all chuckled again, and now Hibiki looked embarrassed.

“I’ve grown in other ways, too.” She waved at the boxes. “That’s the old me, and it’s not the look I want any more. I need a new look, for the new me. Maybe, more than one.”

She had finished picking everything up and started sorting it into three piles on the bunk.

Barnette grinned at her. “Shopping trip!”

Dita grinned back. “Oh, I’d love to! Next time we’re near Mejere.” Her grin faded. “But, I don’t have any money.”

Hibiki looked up at her. “You can have mine. I haven’t spent anything in ages. I must have a fortune piled up by now.”

She smiled joyfully. “Oh, thank you, Hibiki. That’s very sweet.” She laughed. “But I didn’t marry you for your money!”

“Of course not. You didn’t know I had any.” He laughed, too. “Hey, wait! You were a prisoner of war. You should have a fortune piled up, too. Somewhere.”

Barnette chuckled. “In the meantime, you can borrow anything you want from me. Actually, there are a few things I’d just give you.”

Dita smiled again. “Thank you, Barnette. You’re sweet too.”

She held up Barnette’s bra, and looked at the much plainer pink one she’d borrowed. “Does Hibiki like this?”

Barnette laughed. “Oh, you have _no_ idea! He gets this look…”

Dita laughed too. “You can help me shop for lingerie, then. We’ll both drive him wild!”

Barnette said, “I wouldn’t miss it!” and they both laughed harder.

Dita finished sorting. “That will all have to wait. Let’s get ready for lunch.”

She put on her bra and turned her back to Hibiki. “Here, put this together.”

He fumbled with it for a few seconds, got it wrong, started over, and finally succeeded.

Dita giggled. “You need more practice. A _lot_ more!”

Hibiki laughed. “Well, like you said, taking it off is more fun.” They all laughed.

She got it settled, turned around, bent down and kissed him. “You can take it off after lunch,” she promised in a low, sensual voice. Hibiki was left speechless.

They finished dressing, helping each other and laughing. Hibiki learned several more new things. Dita helped him to his feet when they were finished. As they turned toward the door, he squeezed Barnette’s hand.

“Barnette? You’re, uh, you’re still beautiful.”

She stopped and looked at him, surprised.

“I always saw, I just, um, I…wasn’t good at saying things. I’m trying to do better, for both of you.”

Barnette gave him a dazzling smile, leaned against him, and kissed him. “Oh, Hibiki, thank you. You’re a good husband.”

Some people might not consider ‘you’re a good husband’ much of a compliment. Hibiki thought it was the best one he ever heard.


	43. Designed To Be Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You might notice, this chapter is not nearly finished. At least now it's got a title. I'm still trying to figure out where the story goes from here. I do have some ideas, and a few thousand words written, but they still have to be joined onto the existing words.
> 
> I did succeed in resolving the big issue — the Barnette/Hibiki/Dita triangle. I think Dita's answer is the only one that's not grossly unfair to at least two of them.

Lunch was nearly over when they reached the serving line. Dita had found something else in her research; instead of holding hands, they each had a hand tucked into one of Hibiki’s arms. They both leaned against him, Barnette for support, Dita just because it felt good. Their arrival caused a stir; this was the first time they’d all been seen together since the wedding.

They collected their lunches, looked around, and saw Meia sitting alone, nearly finished with hers. Barnette led the way and they sat across from her. They said, more or less at the same time, “Hi, Meia.” “Hi, Meia.” “Hi, Meia.”

“Hi, Hibiki. Barnette, you seem to be feeling better. Dita, are you all right?”

“I’m fine now,” Dita assured her. “I just needed a few hours to recover, with some more help from the Pyxis.”

Hibiki turned to her, concerned. “I thought you were okay last night. You said you were.” Barnette eyed her closely, as well.

“I was, mostly,” she told them. “There was just a little more work to do, sorting out what thoughts belonged to me, and which ones belonged to the Pyxis. Most of those are too much for a human,” she concluded regretfully.

“But you’re really okay now, for sure?” he persisted.

“I’m _fine_,” she repeated insistently. “Stop looking at me like that, all of you. My head’s not going to explode, or start growing blue crystals out of my ears.”

Barnette chuckled. “We weren’t thinking of anything _that_ extreme.”

They all had a small laugh, then started on their lunches. Dita discovered that she was even hungrier than she’d thought, and didn’t have time to spare for talking. The others didn’t have much to say beyond an occasional word or two. They ate mostly in silence until Meia looked up and said, “Hi, Jura.”

The blonde flight leader seemed a little nervous. “I just wanted to see, um, to make sure you’re all right.” She glanced at Barnette. “All of you.”

Barnette accepted the peace offering gratefully. “Thank you, Jura. We all appreciate your concern, and I’m sure we’ll be okay.” She gave a rueful chuckle. “Eventually.”

Dita smiled. “Will you join us, Jura?” She gestured to the seat across from her. Jura nodded, but sat in the next one over instead, diagonally opposite from Barnette. Dita kept smiling.

Jura started on her lunch, still uneasy. After a minute she looked up. “_Are_ you all right…Barnette? You were, um…”

Barnette looked up, and found everybody looking at her. _Of course — she knows me better than anyone. She saw the signs, too_. “I’m…better. For now, anyway.” She flashed an only slightly lame smile, at Jura, and at Hibiki’s concerned look. Thankfully, both accepted her assurance at face value.

A few minutes after that, Rika paused by their table with her empty tray. “Hi, Dita. Are you okay? Some of us got worried when you didn’t come to breakfast.”

Dit’s smile was kind of…fixed. “I’m fine. I just needed a little extra rest.”

“From the attack?” she asked, then looked at Hibiki and grinned. “Or because of…_other_ things you were doing last night?”

“Rika!” he protested, turning red as they all laughed. Even Dita giggled.

“Was it really that good, with Commander Tokai?” she went on with much-too-innocent curiosity. “I mean, as good as it sounded? **_Ohhhh! Mister Alien!”_**

“Rika!” Now Dita was turning red.

“Hey, we teased Barnette at breakfast,” she said, laughing. “Didn’t want you to feel left out.”

Dita grumbled something under her breath.

Rika quickly switched her attention to Hibiki. “And, what’s it like for you?”

He smiled a little. “I’m still getting used to being married. Knowing we’re going to be together forever. Either one would be a miracle; both of them…” He ran out of words.

“Double miracle?” Meia suggested.

“More like miracle squared.”

“So which one’s your favorite?” Rika quipped.

“Both,” he snapped. “Didn’t you hear our wedding vows? ‘Never placing one before the other’. I meant it.”

Dita fixed Rika with a dire look that reminded Hibiki, again, that she had destroyed about half of an enemy fleet yesterday. “Barnette wrote that, and Hibiki and I agreed instantly. We all share equally, or we’ll tear each other apart.”

“Uhh, okay,” she said cautiously. “I see what you mean.”

The awkward situation was interrupted when Parfet rushed in towing the much larger Duelo, and clearly the one in control. She ignored the serving line, sat down across from Dita and all but dragged Duelo down into the next seat. She leaned over the table toward Dita with her big gray eyes practically bulging through her glasses. “I heard you were joined with the Pyxis! How do you feel? What was it like? What is the Pyxis, really?”

While Dita tried to think of a reply, Duelo said, “Why don’t I go get us something to eat?”

Parfet responded absently, “Oh, sure, thank you.” Her attention never strayed from Dita. “What did the Pyxis say to you?”

Duelo stood up and left the table as Dita replied, “She didn’t really _say_ anything. I just picked up her feelings, and thoughts, while we were joined.”

Parfet became, if anything, more excited. “Oooh, _so_ cool. Tell me all about it! I want to know everything!”

“I’ll tell you what I can,” Dita temporized. “You know the Pyxis came from another universe, right?”

The engineer nodded eagerly. “That’s right.”

“It’s a universe that’s very close to ours in a lot of ways, but not the same. We can’t go there.” She corrected herself, “Well, we _could_, but we’d die instantly. Some of the laws of physics are just a little bit different. Organic life like ours is impossible.”

“So the Pyxis…” Parfet said, speculatively.

“…is not a life form in any way that we are familiar with,” Barnette finished for her. “Still, she _is_ alive, and her intelligence is…transcendent. It’s just so different from ours, it’s hard for us to communicate.”

“She told me her ‘processing capacity’ is eighty trillion times more than a human’s,” Hibiki put in.

“Told you? When?” Parfet beat everybody else to the question. All of them looked expectantly at him.

“During the wormhole jump she, uh, communicated with me, a little,” he said uncomfortably. “It’s not easy for us to understand each other…” He didn’t want to go into details.

Parfet’s thoughts had already jumped in another direction, anyway. “If the laws of physics are different, how can the Pyxis live in our universe?”

“She brought kind of an extension of her universe with her, into ours,” Dita said in a slightly awed voice. “I don’t…huh. It’s like I didn’t know I knew that, somehow, until I thought about it.” _You will retain what your mind can endure_, she remembered. This must be what it meant.

“What else do you know?” Parfet demanded.

Dita shook her head. “I won’t know until somebody asks me, or I ask myself. It feels like…I’ve got all these buried memories. They don’t bring themselves to my attention; I have to think about them.”

Parfet giggled. “Lurking memories!”

Dita chuckled. “Yeah, they’re a lot like Lurkers. You don’t even know they’re there until something sets ‘em off.”

Everybody laughed at that. Rika decided she was interested enough to stay, and sat in the empty seat beside Dita.

“If she brought part of her universe into ours…” Parfet was concerned. “Does that mean there’s places in the ship we can’t go, because we’d drop dead?”

Dita shook her head. “The only place the two universes can coexist is inside the Pyxis. She holds them in balance. Without her, our universe would force the intrusion out.” Another dormant memory came to light. “When she destroyed the Harvester Planet-Killer and the Red Pyxis, the piece of Pyxis universe it was keeping here imploded, just that way.”

“What about all those Red Pyxis fragments we keep running into?” the engineer wanted to know. “Like the ones in that dreadnought?”

“Every Pyxis crystal has a bit of the Pyxis universe sealed up inside,” Dita said slowly. “That’s how they’re all connected. If the crystal is destroyed, that bit gets sucked back to where it came from. There is no way to prevent that from happening.”

Parfet chewed that over. “What else did you get from the Pyxis?”

“Hmmm,” Dita pondered. “Well, I think she’s about a billion years old. She doesn’t perceive time the same way we do, so it’s kind of hard to be sure. She came here from her universe, split herself into two parts so she wouldn’t be alone. they explored our galaxy together for fifteen or twenty thousand years before they found humans and the Old Earthers built her into the Ikazuchi. She spent over two hundred years carrying colony groups to new planets before the Firsts hijacked her and brought her here.”

“Her twin stayed behind, and when the Earthers fell into the madness that became the Harvest it kind of went mad along with them, and turned into the Red Pyxis. It created the Red Pyxis crystal cores they built into their Harvest Flagships, and then they built their Planet Destroyer around the Red Pyxis itself. It created more Red Pyxis crystals for them, to use for other purposes. Like the man-thing that tried to kill us last night.”

Dita was on a roll now, as she uncovered more Pyxis knowledge and it came together with her own memories to bring her a more complete understanding of events.

“Four years ago, when we hijacked the Ikazuchi and the Taraaks shot those missiles at us, my Dread was trapped less than a hundred meters from her core self, and I called out for someone, _anyone_, to help me. She heard me, and for the first time in more than a hundred years the Pyxis came fully awake, and aware.”

“She can think a million times faster than we do, and in seconds she found out that her twin had turned evil, found out about the Harvest, found out it was coming here, for us, and she knew that she had to stop it; not just for us, but for everyone, forever. But, she knew she couldn’t do it alone. She needed our help, as much as we needed hers. Like men and women, we’re stronger together than we could ever be apart.”

“So she created the VanDreads, and the Nirvana, and put us in the path of the Harvesters, so we’d find out about them too, and did her best to help us learn how to fight them. She touched our minds, in a way she’d never done before, and found that even without her twin, she didn’t have to be alone.”

“Why wasn’t she awake before?” Parfet wanted to know.

“She was…traumatized. When the Firsts fought, and divided the ship, they broke a big piece of her off, along with the cryo banks. When they settled on their ‘compromise’ to stay here, create clones — create _us_ — and then turn us over to the Harvesters to save themselves and the ‘real’ colonists, she was shocked again, and horrified. She had never imagined that thinking beings could be so _calculatingly_ cruel to one another. Could _plan_ the sacrifice of millions, and then spend most of their lives working toward that end.”

Dita felt another revelation surface. “That’s why she looked into our minds. She had to know if all humans were like that, or if some of us were different. If we were better than the Firsts and the Earthers. She had to know what she’d be saving.”

“I guess she liked what she found,” Barnette said whimsically.

“Oh, yes,” Dita confirmed. “She found in us kindred spirits, people who care about others, and want to make life better. Like the people she remembered from the colonization years, the ones she learned about emotions from in the first place. And, there was more. She actually _felt_ love for the first time. Our love for each other, and Mejere, and life in general.”

“Wow,” Parfet said wonderingly. “I wish I could join with the Pyxis, like you did.”

Dita shook her head. “No, it’s far too dangerous. It was only a couple of minutes, and still it was too much for me. The Pyxis had to create a sort of living tool to undo the damage, and it took hours.”

“It was really impressive while it lasted, though,” Barnette said with approval. “You were like some elemental force of vengeance. I thought we were all going to die horribly, and then you just started kicking that fucker’s ass.”

“Good for you!” Hibiki exclaimed.

Dita smiled, and squeezed his arm. “Thanks, but it wasn’t only for revenge, or even to protect the people I love. It was…catharsis. I— _we_, both, knew I needed it. When he attacked me on Gunzo, and made me feel helpless, when he made me _know_ I was going to die, he took something from me. I had to take it back, to be whole again.”

“But, you did it, right?” he said, concerned. “It’s all over now.”

“Yes, I reclaimed what that man-thing stole from me. I can heal now,” she reassured them.

A silence stretched out until Parfet asked wistfully, “What was it really like?”

“It was…” Dita paused, uncertain. “There aren’t words to describe it properly. I was part of the Pyxis, and she was part of me. I could feel her power, and use it intuitively. She could see through my eyes, and speak with my voice. I guess that sounds sort of creepy, but really, it wasn’t. I could feel how much she cares about me…about us.”

Duelo returned, set a tray in front of Parfet and sat beside her with his own. She looked at it, surprised, then at him. “Oh! Thanks.” She smiled and picked up her fork. “So then what happened?”

“The Pyxis dug what intel she could out of him, and then she erased him. He’s gone, forever, without a trace.”

“I saw that, too.” Barnette shuddered. “You slugged him into that blue light across the doorway, and then he started _melting!_ It was so hideous, I…I couldn’t watch. Not after everything else.”

Hibiki reached over and put his hand on her shoulder. She put hers over it and smiled a little. “I’m okay now.”

Before he could think of anything to say, Duelo looked across at Dita. “It’s regrettable that you were so certain nothing was wrong, last night. A medical scan taken so soon after the event might have told us a great deal.”

“Oh.” She frowned slightly. “I didn’t think about that. I just…was sure I didn’t need one.”

“Would you stop in at sickbay after lunch?” he asked. “I’d still like to make a scan, and see if there is anything left to find. And make sure that you really are all right.”

“Okay.” She smiled at Hibiki. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“No, I think it’s a good idea. Just to be sure.”

“It won’t take long.” Her voice turned low, and thrilling. “And then we can do…_other_ things.”

Hibiki’s sudden shortness of breath had nothing to do with his cracked ribs. “Uhhh…yeah…”

Barnette looked at Dita and laughed. “Feeling that ‘enhanced sex drive’ again?”

The redhead laughed back. “Me? What about you?”

Everybody else looked uncomfortable.

Duelo made a sort of ‘Uhum’ sound, then observed, “Everyone seems to be thinking about sex a lot more since last night. I mean, since the wedding,” he amended hastily.

Barnette laughed harder, and the others joined her. “Sure you did.”

“I assure you, that is what I meant.” He’d recovered his normally unflappable calm in seconds. “What did _you_ mean?”

Barnette lost any trace of humor. “Some things I saw yesterday got me to thinking. Those Old Earth records we looked through,” she turned her attention to Dita, “and what you told us.”

She had their complete attention now. She collected her thoughts and started. “We all know we’re genetically engineered. Cloned, and gene-spliced in a laboratory.”

She looked around, finding nods, and sounds of agreement.

“When the Firsts created us to be sacrifices, to be handed over and harvested for sex organs in place of the ‘real’ colonists, they had to make sure the Earthers would take the deal. Just offering them substitutes might not be enough. We had to be a _better_ product, so their _customers_ would prefer to take us instead of the _standard_ model.”

She continued bitterly, “We weren’t even _human_ sacrifices, because they didn’t consider us people. They’re as bad as the Earthers.”

Barnette took a few seconds to calm herself. “So, the Firsts have been experimenting on us for a hundred years. Nobody on Old Earth had green hair, or blue, or purple, or half the other colors we see every day. Even Dita’s hair is a lot more red than what they called red. They’ve made us a lot more attractive than the Old Earthers, and made other _improvements_. Look at us! We were _made_ for sex. _Designed_ to be beautiful.”

She looked across the room. “They didn’t get as carried away with the Taraak men, but they’re still better-looking than most men on Old Earth.”

Her bitterness returned. “To keep us from screwing up their _science project_ with random factors, they put women and men on two different planets, and told us all lies to make us hate each other. Their scheme worked far too well, and for much too long.”

Rika eyed Hibiki speculatively. “So, you mean he's made for sex, too? Is that why he’s…”

Barnette shook her head. “No, our husband’s a First, remember? Natural born. We just got lucky.” She gave him a smile. “But we don’t blame him for what they did to us. We only blame the guilty ones. None of it was his fault.”

Dita smiled, too. “And making love feels so wonderful.”

Barnette banged her fist on the table, rattling silverware. “That’s the _worst part!_ It’s hard to resent them for doing this to us because the sex is so great!”

They all laughed, and when it died down Rika asked, “So, we should all have sex with men?”

Barnette shook her head. “Not necessarily. Some of us will still be attracted to women. If that’s how you feel, you don’t need to force yourself to pretend otherwise. The most important part is to find the right person, whoever that is. For me, Hibiki is the right person. For him, it’s me and Dita.”

Rika chuckled. “You mean like Celtic and Helda?”

Barnette chuckled with her. “Yeah, I don’t think either one of them is the least bit interested in men.”

Dita was instantly diverted. “Oooooh, Celtic found someone? How long have they been together?”

Rika grinned at her. “They found each other, anyway.” She pondered for a few seconds. “They’ve been together for about a year, I think.”


End file.
